Author's Disclaimer - I know I don't own them. While I'm admitting all that I don't own, I also don't own my car, my house or my computer.
With that revelation, I realized it was almost time to put on a fake smile and listen to the story of my redemption at the celebration. I really wasn't looking forward to my presence in the galaxy being revealed. Unlike the Council, I could see the bounty hunters lining up and drooling in anticipation of hunting me down. I could see the different planets looking forward to putting me on trial and executing me. Inside, I could see where the Darth Revan that existed somewhere in me deserved it. What those planets wouldn't see is that I was not Darth Revan anymore.
I remembered very little of my history and what I did remember wasn't very Sith-like. I was starting to remember my childhood and my relationship with my brother but nothing that made the current me deserving of execution. I couldn't remember invading the galaxy. I don't remember what led to Malak attacking me. I couldn't remember the Outer Rim like my vision of Malak instructed me to do.
I thought fondly of the mask that Darth Revan had worn. I understood that decision more now. After all, how could I have been hunted down if no one but Malak knew what I looked like? With the Council's decision to reveal me fully to the galaxy at this celebration, the galaxy would know what I looked like. Travel would be hard and require subterfuge. No one was going to believe that Darth Revan could have been fully redeemed. The galaxy would see a ploy, a ruse to lure the galaxy into a false sense of complacency again and I would invade again.
How much of Darth Revan was still in me? Darth Revan had been a bloodthirsty, cocky woman. I enjoy locking vibroblades, lightsabers, knives, anything with another fighter. I really enjoyed the duels on Taris. I had to laugh out loud in joy at the memory of defeating Bendak Starkiller. I actually kind of enjoyed killing that cocky bastard. Ok, so I was still bloodthirsty.
I don't think that I'm that cocky. I have faith in my abilities and the abilities of my crew. I know what we can and can't do, which fights we can win and which ones we need to talk our way out of. Is that faith being cocky? I don't think so.
I heard a rustle in the bushes and turned my head. I sensed Canderous and called out a greeting.
"We have to stop meeting this way, Canderous. A girl might start getting ideas about your intentions." I added a flirtatious tone to my voice that would hopefully lure Canderous away from my pensive mood. I didn't feel like explaining that I was still mourning my brother.
"I am sure that my intentions would be rebuffed. For some reason, you are hung up on Republic. You realize you are about to miss the celebration of your actions while you sit here hiding and contemplating this pyre?" So I didn't do a good job hiding my pensive mood.
"I wasn't hiding. I was thinking about all the bounty hunters that are going to be sent after me. I don't really want the galaxy to know that I'm alive."
"That is what your crew is for. We are here to protect you. We have all pledged ourselves to you."
"I don't know how long we are going to be allowed to remain a crew. I'm sure the Republic has plans for Carth and the Jedi Council has already asked me to perform a task for them. I don't know what Mission or Zaalbar are planning for their futures. You are as inscrutable as always."
"Inscrutable? Me? My path is clear, I pledged that I was your man until the end, and I will honor that pledge. I go where you go. It's pretty simple. You know that Mission and Zaalbar will remain with you. Revan, you need to get out of this mood that you're in and start thinking about what the future will be. We have plans to make, enemies to battle. Think of the stories for future generations. We cannot meekly accept other ideas of our futures like a herd of nerf." Canderous always had this way of focusing me on the tasks at hand. The others intruded in my space with their calm compassion. There were times that I needed someone to rap me upside the head and tell me that I was being a fool. I could always count on Canderous to do that for me. His pragmatism centered me when I started to allow my emotions to take over.
"Pragmatic as always, Canderous. I appreciate that trait more than you realize." I stood up and brushed the dirt off the back of my robes. I walked past him as I made my way to the Rakatan temple. As I made my way deeper into the woods, I called back to him. "Are you going to miss this celebration of my actions? Come on, you need to represent the Mandalorian people. Shake a leg, Canderous." I could hear his slightly annoyed chuckle behind me and then suddenly, he was walking beside me.
I made my way through the celebration and kept the false smile planted on my face as my entire crew was honored for our actions. We posed for the holo reporters and their pictures. Carth slung his arm around me at one point. Mission showed that she was still a teenager and hammed it up for the cameras. Zaalbar was the epitome of wookiee dignity as he stood at attention and scanned the crowd for threats. Even Canderous attempted to keep the scowl completely off his face. His smile resembled that of a predator, but at least he was trying.
I was still glad when the celebration was over and I could get off my feet and relax in the Ebon Hawk. Carth soon joined me and we sat in a comfortable silence as the rest of the crew made their way into the room.
"Hey, Revan, that was pretty fun. That one reporter was kinda cute, you know? He took a zillion pictures of us and he promised to send me a couple copies of the good ones. Plus, he didn't make a single comment about my headtails or anything!" Mission was excited and babbling.
"Which reporter?" I think Mission wanted to delay and I was willing to play along.
"Revan, why don't you discuss what the Council wanted from you?" Trust Canderous to bring up the unpalatable. The relaxed atmosphere in the Hawk disappeared completely. There was a very uncomfortable silence as everyone took in Canderous' statement. The tension in the room mounted as we realized that this was it. It was time to make or break our group.
"Well, that was subtle, Canderous." The chastising tone popped out before I thought about it. "In answer to your question, the Council wants me to explore rumors of Sith movements. I haven't had a chance to read what's on a datapad that they gave me. I'm also to try to remember what happened in the Outer Rim when Malak and I traveled there. I have a feeling I need to know what turned us to the dark side so that I don't repeat the mistakes of my past."
"You won't though. You turned your back on the dark side when Bastila asked you to pick up your former mantle. You turned your back when you could have taken control of the Star Forge. You aren't going to turn, so why the concern?" Sometimes, Carth could be extremely naïve.
"Carth, I'm sure that on the path to becoming Darth Revan, I said something similar. I'm trying to be realistic. If someone as pious as Bastila can turn, then someone like me can definitely turn. I owe it to myself to take this opportunity to delve into my past. I need to know what happened to keep it from happening again."
"But we can still hang out and talk and stuff, right, Revan? Revan?" Mission asked the most important question in the most innocuous way.
"I can't make any promises. I'd like to say yes, but I can't make any promises." My voice conveyed my apprehension at this outcome. I wanted to lie and say yes, of course we'll still be crew together on the Ebon Hawk forever, but the Force didn't seem willing to let me retire and have a normal life. "I haven't read the datapad, I don't know what's going on. I'm basically as clueless as you all are."
"So, what you're saying, Revan, is that you're going it alone?" Carth's voice sounded hollow and deceptively calm.
"I didn't say that. I'm saying that I don't know what's going to happen. I don't have foresight as a skill in the Force. If I did, then I could answer these questions. Besides, there are other factors here than my investigation. What did Admiral Dodonna have to say to you today?" I tried for a blasé tone of voice and settled for a slightly interested one instead.
"I'm receiving a promotion for valorous service. I have to journey to Coruscant to receive the promotion. I have a month's worth of leave and then I need to report in." Carth didn't sound happy.
"What you're saying is that you are going it alone, then, right, Republic?" Canderous parroted Carth's words back at him. I'd like to say that I was such a good Jedi that I didn't think it and definitely wouldn't have said it, but I'd be lying. Canderous simply beat me to the punch.
"I… I didn't say that. I just…ok, you made your point. I don't know what's going to happen or where I'll be stationed."
"Well, we have some time then before we have to make decisions then. It'll all work out for the best, right, Revan?" Mission's trust in the Force was better than mine. I didn't trust the Force. I used it, I relied on it but I didn't trust it. A benevolent Force would not have slapped me in the face with the realization of having a brother and then having to kill him.
"We'll see." I remembered the Masters at the Academy saying the same thing to me and meaning that whatever they were going to see was "no". "Since Carth doesn't have to report in for a month, we can take some time to make our decisions. I don't have to report back to the Council for a bit."
"Cool! Anyone up for Pazaak?" Mission seemed to bounce back quickly from life's disappointments. She bounced back after her brother abandoned her once more on Tantooine. She bounced back from being threatened with slavery. I admired her for her resilience. Compared to her outlook, I was a scared little girl playing at being an adult.
"I have a datapad to read. I guess I should get to it." I picked up the datapad in question and made my way to my bunk. I heard rumblings in the common area as the rest of the crew settled down to their pursuits.
When I accessed the data, I realized that although I was hesitant to fulfill the wishes of the Council, I would. The data wasn't specific but there was enough for me to realize that someone needed to investigate what was serious or not. The Sith threat was much bigger than Darth Revan and Darth Malak. There was a huge amount of activity and threats. No rest for the wicked, as I remembered from a holovid I'd watched with Mission during some boring hyperspace jump. Most of the activity centered on the Outer Rim and beyond. There were reports of Dark Jedi on multiple planets. The numbers only increased since I killed Master Uthar at Korriban.
"Whatcha find out, beautiful?" Carth's voice interrupted my contemplation of the data. "Anything interesting?"
"Yeah, ever since our visit to Korriban, the activity level has skyrocketed. There are Sith all over the Outer Rim. They don't seem to be clustered around any one area. Now that Malak is dead," I admit that it was getting easier to acknowledge his death. "there's a power vacuum. I wonder if we could cut off the new Dark Lord before he or she can rise to that position. It'd be nice to defeat the Sith while they're weakened by the loss of their leadership. It's too soon to tell who the new Dark Lord's going to be. We killed the most notable apprentices and scattered their forces."
I didn't want to tell Carth that the operatives sent to certain areas disappeared before they could file reports. I also didn't tell Carth that something was calling me to those areas. I wanted to keep the relationship light and I certainly didn't want us to go our separate ways worried over each other. Realistically, I know that we weren't destined for the white picket fence with the speeder in the garage. In the back of my mind, I held this up as a possibility but I knew I was only dreaming. I wondered if Carth realized this also.
"The Republic will hunt down the remnants. They've lost their main supplier of ships and arms. They are beyond weakened right now. The Sith have lost more than leadership, they've lost their infrastructure. Where does the Council want you to investigate?"
"Not sure, we didn't really go into that. I was a little busy getting some potshots in and so was Master Vrook. Let's just say that I know who influenced Bastila the most. That guy needs to learn to relax."
"What do you want to do for the next month? Anywhere you want to go, beautiful?" Carth leaned over and picked up a lock of my hair and twirled it between his fingertips. I may have acted insulted by his calling me beautiful many times in the past, but I enjoyed it and I knew I would miss it. This month felt like a stay of execution. I was more than willing to put off reality for a while longer.
"Let's find somewhere that has something for all of us." I reached up and cupped Carth's cheek. "I just want to spend some time with you before we have to do anything else." I saw in Carth's face that he realized that after the month, there were no guarantees and that circumstances could force us apart. There wouldn't be anymore gallivanting around the galaxy looking for Star Maps. The vacation was over. It was hard to consider the past year as a vacation, but the future didn't look like it would allow us much time together.
"Whatever you want, beautiful. I'd like to head to Telos and see if Dustil made it there. I'd like to talk to him, try to explain to him what, well, what happened and things."
"We have a destination then, we'll head to Telos. I'll have to let the Council know where I'm going. I have to let them know that I'm reviewing the datapad. I'll tell them tomorrow, though. I'm tired and I really don't feel like dealing with Vrook and Bastila." A light bulb came on in my head. "Have you seen Jolee lately?"
"Yeah, he's over at the Council's ship. He got an invitation to visit with his buddy, Vrook, and he jumped at it."
"Can you imagine the two of those as friends? Jolee is so rebellious and Vrook wouldn't form an attachment to anything but the Force."
"I'm sure the conversations are interesting." We laughed as we imagined the interactions. "Let's head to bed, beautiful."
"You got it, Republic." I winked at him as I sauntered past him. He grabbed me by my waist and hauled me back into his chest. His fingers dug into my sides as he tickled me.
"You know you're going to be punished for that, right?"
"Yeah, right, flyboy. Do your worst." I twisted out of his grasp and ran for the cabin we commandeered awhile back. I could hear Carth shouting behind me as tried to catch me. Mission, Zaalbar and Canderous just watched us as we raced past. There were giggles from Mission and a bemused smile from Canderous.
Once we made it into the cabin, the laughter between us stopped and the mood sobered. Carth reached out and touched my face. His finger drew down my cheek and slipped under the collar of my robes. He caressed my collarbone with a light touch. His other hand held mine. His touch was almost reverent as we locked eyes. Neither of us wanted to break this small contact. It was almost as if we were afraid that if we broke eye contact, the world would intrude and we'd be separated forever. I reached out my hand and touched the scar on the back of his hand that was courtesy of a bounty hunter on Taris. I could feel the rough and raised patch of skin underneath my fingers. I dragged my hand up his arm until I was holding his neck. I slowly pulled him forward until our lips touched.
That night, we were gentle with each other. We didn't talk much. Instead, we communicated through touch. Long caresses said I love you and quick kisses said stay. We paused to hold each other, as if to reassure one another that the other was there and would be there in the morning.
The morning came all too soon. I walked over to the Council ship before I could convince myself to only send a quick message instead. Master Vandar was the only one awake when I arrived. I was glad that I didn't have to face the whole Council again.
"I was not expecting you quite so soon, Jedi Revan. I am pleased at your quick action, however." Master Vandar started walking back up into the ship.
"Master Vandar, could we meet out here? I'd rather not worry about confrontations inside."
"Of course, of course, Jedi Revan. It is a pleasant morning, but I sense you did not come here to discuss the weather with me. The Council leaves later today to start the journey back to Coruscant. With the loss of Dantooine, we have much to do and little time to do it in."
"About that much to do, Master Vandar, I reviewed the preliminary data on the Sith threat. I am willing to investigate. I ask for a month of personal time to work out the recent activities, however."
"This is not an unreasonable request. I will speak for the Council on this and agree to the month. After a month, we'd like you to report to the Jedi Academy on Coruscant. We will talk further there. I will also send you updates as we receive them. Is this acceptable, Jedi Raven?"
"That's acceptable, Master Vandar. Thank you." I made my back through the forest to that same spot that kept drawing me. I stared at Malak's pyre, for possibly the last time. I had a month to live my life and then I was willingly giving it up for the better for the galaxy. I had a month.