Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me. Neither does Shakespeare, or any of his works.

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The world swirled before her for a second time that day in miserably cheerful shades of blue, white and green.

"Stop… now I'm seeing happy colours," she moaned, "it makes me sick to the bones! Sick! Sick! If this is hell, at least let it look as disgusting as it should! Where are the fire and the lava? Where's the blackness? Where's the irritating devil?"

In response, she heard a low moan to her side, turned her head, and got an eye-full of Hisoka, sprawled next to her in a rather undignified position.

"God, it really is hell!" Groaning, she rolled over onto her side and struggled to sit up. Once firmly on her gluteus maximas, she observed the current situation they were in slowly. With all the excitement that had gone on, the fact that she (and, unfortunately, Hisoka) had survived the fall because instead of hitting the water, they had landed on the stack of cards beneath them had eluded her. A stack of cards, she now mused, that was slowly disintegrating. Calmly, she threaded the cards together (with a speed only the truly "anime" anime characters can accomplish). Safety secured, she turned over and bitch-slapped Hisoka into consciousness.

Moaning, he opened his eyes, took one look at her, and laughed. "You honestly do look so cute when you're angry," he purred, "and when you have a King of Spades crawling in your hair."

Two seconds later, and many screams, shouts, and murdering of cards later, Machi turned around and calmly observed Hisoka sitting up and pouting mournfully at his broken fingers.

"I could fix those…" she began, "… for… free this time, considering it's my fault your fingers are like this." She lowered her head and tugged a second nen thread out of her middle finger, quietly waiting for one of his irritating comments.

Much to her surprise and discomfort, he was silent, doing nothing more than holding out his hand for her to fix with her nen. As she fixed his hand, she sneaked glances at his face, but saw nothing but blankness. Maybe he was too tired, she mused.

Probably, the Universe was in imbalance.

Probably.

Very likely.

Time to alert the UN.

Maybe after a bath.

"Machi! Hisoka!"

Snapping the nen thread, and trying to appear as calm as possible in the face of a Universal Disaster, she turned towards the direction of the voice. There was only one person in the entire world that could sound like a pretty boy out of a shojo anime, and look good doing it.

"Hi, Shalnark."

"Hi! Hey! What a cute idea, to use Hisoka's cards as a boat."

Blinking slightly, Shalnark back-paddled as Machi threw him a glance fierce enough to kill and Hisoka gave him a bored look which meant he was either tired or ready to murder again. "What?" he whined as the rest of the Genei Ryodan froggy paddled up to him, "What's that for? I was only trying to be appreciative."

Her entire body tensed up then relaxed. Smiling, she uncurled a nen thread and eyed Shalnark enthusiastically. Finally – the first fun thing of the day.

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"That thing ate the Words?" Machi gaped, "As in… Shakespeare's Words? In the middle of the Jug Forest? That has to mean something?"

"Exactly!" Kuroro beamed, "See? She agrees with me, Phinx?"

"We all agreed with you, Dancho?"

"Oh yeah? You were all skeptical!"

"We weren't!"

"Were to!"

"Were not!"

"Were…"

"Oh for heaven's sake," Machi snapped, "Behave like adults!"

Ignoring the pouts, she turned back to the rest of the Genei Ryodan. "How did Shakespeare get into the forest in the first place?"

"Beamed back from Mars?"

"I meant his Words, Feitan."

"Not only that," Hisoka purred, slowly admiring his broken fingers, "why on earth would a generally shell-fish eating purple lizard suddenly take to eating paper?"

"That means…" Kuroro stood up, and faced the lake, allowing his better profile to face the group, "Someone… fed it to him…"

"The thing mentioned something about the Fiery Phoenix of the Words or something like that…"

"Ah…" Kuroro paused for a while, "Would that be a Literal Imagery or a Figurative Imagery?"

Machi stared. "How would I know?"

"Then how would we find out who this Phoenix is?" Phinx asked.

"Well…"

"Go ask that thing."

Everyone stared at Hisoka then inevitably averted their eyes when he smiled back. In a brave attempt to prove their courage, everyone tried to stare at Hisoka again but decided their eyes felt strangely molested and turned back to staring at the ground.

"What do you mean?" Feitan asked finally, observing a lump or dirt nudge his toe suggestively.

"Well… that thing can talk, can't it? And it seems quite happy with the usage of its words."

"Yeah, but it's ambitious."

"We don't have a better idea." Kuroro swept up his lovely, dirt-stained trench coat. "We shall go forth and hunt that thing down. Only then can we discover who the Fiery Phoenix of the Words is."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Something's missing."

"Yeah… but what?"

"Ah!" Shizuku looked up suddenly, her spectacles sliding down her nose. "Shalnark has to say something before we can set off."

"Oh yeah… that."

"I guess he has to, doesn't he?"

"He has to. It's a… a… habit."

"For us too."

"I meant us, actually."

"Oh… but whatever the case, Shalnark has to say something now to make things… whole."

"Good old Shalnark."

"Now, if only he could move his tongue enough to say something…"

"Oh my, I never noticed how his tongue has been tied up like that!"

"Yeah, and with somebody's special nen thread too. Practically unbreakable and all, so he can't say what he has to say so we can carry on with our important duties."

"Alright! Alright! I'll untie him – there you go, pretty boy."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I think he needs CPR."

"Whatever."

"He does too. If not he can't say anything."

"We need him to say something before we can set off, remember?"

"It's a habit."

Machi glared. "No. I'm not helping him."

"Then…" A soft purr came from somewhere behind her, "why don't I try."

Immediately, with absolutely no resistance whatsoever, Shalnark sat up, his eyes wide like saucers as he stared at Hisoka's puckered lips not a foot from his face.

"Ah. Good work, Hisoka. He's alive," Kuroro remarked dryly, "now, Shalnark, say what you have to say so we can get on with our mission."

Shalnark stared.

And stared.

And stared.

"Mmpf itf pplef… M'f outta here."

With that, the boy genius turned and ran into the forest where the darkness embraced him like a long lost lover.

Phinx stared at Feitan. Kuroro stared at Shizuku. Ubogin stared at Machi, and Machi stared at the ground to avoid staring at Hisoka frozen in place with his puckered lips.

"Let me get this straight," Phinx said slowly, "Did Shalnark just say… just say that he is out of here?"

"Does that mean…" Shizuku stared quietly into the bush.

"Yes, my dear comrades," Kuroro replied, straightening his backbone gallantly, "It appears that our dear Shalnark has turned traitor."

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In the mean time, deep within the deepest recesses of the Jug Lake, a dark purple shape glided silently towards a certain destination. Stopping before a huge underground cave, it paddled ambiguously shaped appendages, attempting to stay afloat.

"I am here, oh great Fiery Phoenix of the Words. Impart thy great wisdom of Words to this unworthy one. Let me be thy hand, and thou the Mouth."

"Took you long enough as it is. Stupid –Ing. What took you so long?"

"Oh great Phoenix, I met the most unpurplish creatures today, most base and senseless, and touched by the sun indeed."

"Whaddya mean unpurplish? Can't ya speak proper English? Dummy!"

"Aye, but indeed the oddest creatures my kinesthetically ambiguous eyes have ever laid upon."

"Speak sense, stupid –ing! What did you see?"

"Most strange, most strange indeed, for this creature was no lump of dirt, but walked on two branches. Two other branches waved about, unhindered by wind, rain or shine, yet my words mean nothing, for I have yet to see such creatures endure the many weathers. Upon the top blazed the most unpurplish leaves, like strands of seaweed, but none to eat, for to eat it for seven days would make one weak."

"Man! Man has come!"

"Man? Art this those creatures name? Most strange, most strange indeed, to have the use of words, but to label oneself a name with no more than three letters, one syllable, and such a nasal sound it should make. Most bland, most bland indeed."

"Shut your trap, dummy, and listen up. Destroy them! Kill them all!"

"Destroy them? But wherefore art thou Justice?"

"Ah, shut up. Listen, those things are dangerous. They could ruin everything, those Man. Mischief-makers and all. Not a sense in the hollow they call brain."

"Touched by the sun? Swayed by the winds? Controlled by the moon?"

"What the hell… Yes! Yes! Exactly!"

"Ambitious? Yet what be wrong in ambition, for to be Caesar I would be, and no Brutus shall stand my way."

"Yes, yes, dummy, but they are more… eh… ambitious. Ah! Describe those Man?"

"Upon a face as pale as clouds blazed the Fires of Mount Doom – and to smile, and smile, and still be a villain. Most true indeed, most true indeed. The other had a pleasing purplish outgrowth, but oh alas, it speaks of nothing but monosyllables…"

"Cut the crap! Ah… I meant, see, the one on fire is Cassius, and the other eh… one with the fungus growth has to be Brutus…"

"Oh, but they hold forth the claim of Machi."

"Darn… I meant… Dork! Can't you see they are lying?"

"And upon my heart shove the unkindest cut of all?"

"Yes, yes. Now go get them! Go!"

"Alas, oh alas! En tu Brute? Then falls Caesar… No ! Caesar shall fall not, for Caesar shall rule Rome all the way to Italy! Away, for Justice! I shall not plead with it with a tongue as tame as one would plead for a pin! Away, for Justice! Out Damn Spot! Out!"

The Fiery Phoenix of the Words watched the great purple bulk waddle determinedly out into the Jug Lake again, and shook its great fiery head.

"And to think he could have had potential…"

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