Coruscant loomed in front of us. It was huge. I didn't remember ever being there before. I knew, theoretically, I had to have been there before. I just didn't remember it. The lack of memories didn't really make me sad anymore. I'd reach the stage where having very little of my past was accepted. I'd rather have the past that I did remember vividly. I'd rather remember the crew of the Ebon Hawk. I'd rather remember staying in the light and fighting on the side of good instead of evil. I'd rather remember Carth. Sounds silly and sappy, but this past month made me happier than anything I could remember from my life as Darth Revan and before.
To delay the inevitable, I realize I'm a coward at heart when it comes to separating me from this crew; I just stared at Carth's hands while he piloted us into the landing bay we were assigned. I felt the slight shudder as we touched down. The whine of the engines quieted and then went silent. The month was over and it was time to face up to our commitments.
"We're here, beautiful." I felt Carth's hand under my chin, lifting my face up to his. He leaned over, placed his lips over mine and cupped my cheek. "On to the next stage of our lives. You ready?" Me? Ready to separate? Nope, not this Jedi, not in this lifetime. Instead of answering like that though, I avoided the truth.
"As ready as I'll ever be. I'll comm you when I get finished with the Council. We'll go from there." I grabbed the hand on my cheek and pressed it tighter as I shifted my head and pressed my lips into his palm.
"I'll comm you when I'm finished with Admiral Dodonna. I'm not sure if I can even get in to see her today or not. I'll have to find us somewhere to stay while we're here."
"Yeah, I'd rather stay with you than at the Temple." We looked up as Mission popped her head into the cockpit.
"Port Authority wants to know if … oops. Sorry, I'll butt out." She started ducking back through the door.
"It's ok, Mission. We're just finishing shutting down the Hawk. What does the Authority want to know?" Carth let go of my face and I let go of his hand. He did his magic on the controls and we both got up and left the cockpit.
"They want to know who's paying the fees." Mission bounced in front of us as we traveled through the Hawk towards the boarding ramp.
"I'll take care of it." I didn't want to say goodbye or deal with the sloppy emotional issues so I quickly volunteered to deal with Port Authority instead. At least here on Coruscant, they weren't Czerka people. After the slavery issues on Kashyyk, the willingness to slaughter the Sand People of Tantooine and the overall slimy characters that worked for the company did not lead me into a good impression of the company.
I escaped off the Hawk and left the messy emotional entanglements behind. I told the officer that the Jedi Council would be paying all docking fees since I still wasn't very happy with them. It was the least they could do, as far as I was concerned. Zaalbar, Mission, Carth and Canderous all came out as I finished up with the officer.
We all walked out of the landing area and into Coruscant proper. The first sight of the city was almost overwhelming. There were too many people, too many speeders, too many buses and too much noise. Mission goggled at the sights. Zaalbar roared his feelings.
"Relax, Big Z, I'm sure that we'll find our way around. Instead of standing here like tourists just waiting to get our pockets picked, let's act like we have a destination." I started walking forward. My movement halted abruptly as I was pulled from behind. I would have snarled at whoever grabbed me but gratitude swamped me instead. I had stepped right into the path of a huge bus full of people. Nothing like looking like you know what you're doing, I scoffed to myself. "Thanks for the save."
"No problem, Re-…" I cut Canderous off mid word.
"Not here, not now, not that name." My tone was cutting. I didn't mean it to sound so abrasive but all I could see were the surrounding denizens swarming me in outrage and dying under a mob of angry sentients.
"What should I call you, then? It is your name. The galaxy is just going to have to deal with it. You're back. You've been…redeemed." Canderous spit the last word out as if it were a foul word. Canderous had a point. I tried to feel no shame at the name, I thought I'd come to accept it. Everyone used it, even Carth.
"You have a good point. I just don't want to have a mob kill me when they hear my name."
"I'm sure there's more than one of that name in the galaxy." Canderous was making a lot of sense.
"To change the subject and avoid bloodshed…" Carth looked at Canderous on that word. "I recommend we split up and take care of our business. I have a meeting over at headquarters and beautiful…" Carth winked at me as he avoided using my name. "has a meeting at the Temple. Mission, Big Z and Canderous, you guys could secure us some lodgings and move some of our stuff off the Hawk." Canderous didn't look happy playing nursemaid to our teenager and her bodyguard.
"If you think…"
"Sounds like a great plan. Who better to get us a good rate on an apartment than you, Canderous? You can scare the wits out of them and we won't have to pay much." This time, it was me piping in to avoid bloodshed. "Well, I'm off to the Temple. Comm me if you need me." I flagged down a taxi quickly. If there was going to be fighting in the streets, I didn't want to be a part of it. With a jaunty wave as I left my crew on the street, I was on my way to the Temple.
My first view of the temple was almost overwhelming. It was a towering structure that seemed to pierce the atmosphere and jut into space itself. The spires were amazing. Even more amazing was the feeling of peace that I felt just staring up at the building like a tourist.
Once inside, I recognized the area from my recovered memory of running around, annoying Master Vrook as I waited for the doors to open and Malak to step through. The lobby, for lack of a better word, was a cavernous room that showcased art and sculpture from all over the galaxy. The room invited a person to contemplate his or her place in the grand scheme of the galaxy. I'd expected to feel intimidated, but instead, I was drawn to the pieces hanging on the wall off to my right. I stood staring at them for quite a bit of time.
"Amazing, aren't they? This one is a Cathari depiction of the melding of engineering and hunting. It's a marvelous amalgamation of the two different sides of a Cathari existence." Juhani's voice interrupted my reflection on the artwork. I turned and hugged her. "Your month away seems to have done you quite a bit of good. You look happy and at peace."
"Juhani! I'm so glad to see you! The past month was amazing. I feel much more at peace. I worked through quite a few of the issues I had. How have you been? Your messages left quite a bit to the imagination." We broke apart and looked each other over. I had a couple of new scars but my bruises and broken bones had healed completely with the judicious application of kolto. Juhani, on the other hand, looked radiant. She was completely healthy in body, mind and spirit.
"There wasn't that much to tell. I've been meditating quite a bit. I've also been honored with the title of Jedi Knight." The last was said in a nonchalant manner.
"Congratulations! So, Jedi Juhani, what's been going on that you can tell me and more importantly, what's been going on that you're not supposed to tell me?" I linked my arm with hers as we wandered the foyer.
"Jolee is on the Council now. He's grumbling about it. The Council's been having meetings about the recent movements of the Sith remnants. We have a few new students. There's one that you should know about."
"Really? Who?" Curiosity is going to kill this cat someday. Someday, I'm going to stick my nose where it doesn't belong and then I'll have to pay the price. I only hoped I had eight more lives left since I used one when Malak fired on me and Bastila rescued me.
"Carth's son, Dustil, is here. He's not yet been assigned a Master." The news made me slightly happy. Once I told Carth that Dustil had been located, I figured Carth wouldn't be upset with me for me dueling instead of looking for his son on Corellia. I wasn't extremely happy because I really wasn't looking forward to talking to the boy about relationship issues. I could see why the Jedi weren't supposed to have attachments. Attachments led to entanglements and entanglements led to messy explanations and messy explanations led to hurt feelings and so on and so forth forever and ever.
"I'll have to let Carth know. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to see the Council. I told Master Vandar I'd be here today to meet with them."
"I'll walk you there. We'll have to catch up in more depth later. I'm sure there is much that you left out of your messages. For instance, you'll have to tell me the story behind that scar above your eye." I couldn't help but laugh.
I waved goodbye to Juhani as I entered the Council Antechamber. I didn't wait long before I was summoned. The Council was arrayed in the circular room. I recognized very few of the members. Master Vandar, Master Vrook and Jolee were the only ones that I recognized at first. There were a few human males, a human female and a Twi'lek I didn't recognize.
As I made my way into the room, I bowed my head respectfully. There was no sense in borrowing trouble. If I played nicely, perhaps Master Vrook would play nicely also. I gave a mental eye roll at that. There was little chance that Master Vrook wouldn't be his normal acerbic self.
"We are pleased that you have joined us." Master Vandar inclined his head towards me. "How was your month away?"
"It was restful, Master. I came to terms with many things. I also worked on the assignment you gave me before I left."
"Any conclusions?" This statement came from one of the unrecognized male humans.
"Not at this time, there isn't enough data." I could feel the impatience rolling off of Master Vrook but the rest of the Council nodded in agreement. "I was hoping that you had further information for me."
"We have lost contact with a few of our operatives. Data is not as forthcoming."
"I would assume that these operatives are either dead or converted. I wouldn't attempt contact again." Most of the Masters nodded their heads in agreement. Like I anticipated, a snarky comment came from Master Vrook.
"You would be our resident expert on the ways of the Sith. You were without equal at converting and/or killing those we sent."
"I make no apologies for the past that I don't remember. I know I fell to the dark side. Through what I know now, the reason I fell was overconfidence, a trait that we share, Master Vrook." I mentally patted myself on the back for getting in a little barb so politely.
"How dare you…"
"I dare because you dare. You thrust a past that I have little knowledge of in my face constantly. You forget that, since I lost my past, I have not wavered from the path of light, unlike your most pious pupil. Bastila Shan fell because of her overconfidence in her piety, a sentiment you share with yourself. If you are not more aware of your weakness of pride, then you will also fall. I have learned from the little of my past I've been granted, have you? We keep traveling over the same topic of conversation between the two of us. I have to assume there is more here than I am aware. It is a shame that we are not on equal footing for these constant confrontations."
"You have not learned more of your past?" Jolee's voice interrupted the staring contest that Master Vrook and I were having. I smiled at Jolee, maybe not in gratitude but in something close. I was losing my patience with Master Vrook.
"Very little, Master Jolee." I put a slight emphasis on his newly awarded title. "I remember a sparring match with my fellow padawans, I remember an astronomy lesson and I remember a lesson in etiquette for Alderaanian noble dinners."
"You're remembering the important stuff then, eh, girl?" Jolee's smirk betrayed his amusement.
"Yeah, old man, I remember the good stuff, alright." Jolee barked in laughter.
"I'll assume you're going to stay here and meditate on your past some more then, right? You've got a lot to remember."
"Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to be able to do that. With all due respect, I feel the Temple is a bit overwhelming. I've secured lodgings elsewhere."
"With Commander Onasi, I'm sure." Master Vrook's acerbic tone broke into Jolee and I's repartee.
"Yes, Master Vrook, I'm staying with Commander Onasi, along with the rest of the remaining crew of the Ebon Hawk. Are you implying something?"
"If she was smart, she'd be having something going on and we wouldn't have to imply anything." Jolee laughed again.
"You're one sick old man, Jolee." I couldn't help but smile at the irreverent old man.
"I'm also one hungry old man. If we're all done trading barbs for the day, I'm going to get something to eat. Arguing takes a lot out of this old man." Jolee stood up and the rest of the Council followed suit. As they made their way out of the Council chambers, I could hear Jolee starting one of his stories. "I remember, one time in the Shadowlands, there was this wookiee…" I smiled and followed them out. I could almost smell the freedom of the outside world of Coruscant. As I was concentrating on making my way out of the Temple as quickly as possible, my klutziness kicked in again as I ran into someone.
"Padawan, watch where…" Bastila's voice trailed off as she realized that it was me that ran into her. "Revan, so nice to run into you again." Did Bastila just make a joke? I looked around; nope, the galaxy wasn't coming to an end so that couldn't have been a joke.
"Yeah, nice to run into you. How have you been?" Carth would be so proud of me. I was making nice, polite chitchat with Bastila.
"Very well, thank you, I've been meditating quite a bit in the past month. I'm coming to terms with my…my…indiscretion." Her voice hesitated and then stuttered over the last word.
"You mean your fall to the dark side? If you can't say it, you're not over it and you still chance falling again."
"I am at peace with what happened. I don't know what you're talking about." Bastila's haughty voice trembled.
"I'm talking about the fact that your massive ego can't reconcile itself to the fact that you fell and others you assumed were more likely to fall, didn't. Have you realized why you fell, yet?"
"Yes, Malak tortured me until I could no longer resist." Bastila folded her hands in front of her robes.
"No, you fell because you have too much pride. You never foresaw yourself falling so you didn't have any backup plans in case you started to fall. Your overconfidence and extreme piety led you to the dark side, just like Juhani's devotion did. Realize your mistake and correct it for the future, otherwise you're bound to repeat the same mistake repeatedly." So I was losing the polite façade, I knew Canderous would be happy with me.
"I doubt you know what you're talking about." Her haughty tone didn't waver this time.
"I'm Darth Revan, remember? I think I know about the dark side. Then again, you were going to be Darth Bastila. It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" Mission would be happy with me now. I was making my whole crew happy, at this point. All I needed was to growl at her or pick her up and shake her and Big Z would be ecstatic.
"You are completely insufferable." Instead of the rage I anticipated, I felt extreme depression. Bastila's eyes filled with tears. She turned away from me and started to hurry off. Sap that I am, I felt bad for baiting her like I did and rushed after her.
"Bastila, wait, please, would you please just wait?" I grabbed her shoulder and turned her back around. She threw her arms around me and squeezed for all she was worth. All I could do was pat her back awkwardly as she sobbed into my shoulder. "Hey, want to go to dinner with the rest of us? We'll have an Ebon Hawk reunion, it'll be great. Mission and Big Z'll be there." Her sobs just increased in volume. "Canderous'll be there." She started wailing. "Carth'll be there." She squeezed me harder. I was starting to have problems breathing. "Uh, Bastila, could you, possibly, er, that is, could you stop squeezing me so much?"
Bastila's tear-stained face looked up at me as she released me. I wanted to ask her what in the name of the Force just happened. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know the answer to that question. So, I chickened out.
"Are you coming with me?"
"I'd like that, thank you." Her voice was deceptively calm, as if the whole crying thing hadn't happened. We continued walking along, completely silent as I really didn't want to get into what just happened, until we reached the foyer to the Temple.
"About time you got here, girlie. Didn't you hear me when I said I was hungry? I'm an old man; I don't have time to be waiting around for all you younglings. The young, they think they've got all the time in the world. Instead, they just waste the old people's time. I had more respect when I was younger. I remember this one time…"
"Look, old man, I didn't know you were coming to dinner with me. You could've been a bit clearer about your intentions."
"I said I was hungry. I left the room. That would say that I'm ready for dinner, now wouldn't it?"
"I hate you, old man." Jolee just laughed at me.
"Let's go, Juhani. We're finally going to get something to eat." Jolee waved Juhani away from the sculpture she was contemplating.
As we walked outside, I commed Carth and didn't get a response so I left a message. I finally raised Canderous on the 'link and found out the name of the cantina where we were meeting. I didn't warn him that I had a Jedi contingent with me. Jolee smirked at me so I figured he realized that I was playing a game with Canderous.
If looks could kill, I'd be a dead woman. Canderous just glared at me as the four of us Jedi walked into the cantina. Mission bounced in her chair and Zaalbar gave a friendly growl. I winked at Canderous as we sat down.
"Look who I found at the Temple."
"Hey, guys, this is cool. We're all back together again. Well, we're back together for dinner at least." Mission stood up and hugged Juhani and Jolee, conspicuously ignoring Bastila.
"I'm not cooking though, Mission." Juhani laughed.
"Too bad, the food you cooked was pretty good. I wonder if the food here is even edible." I smiled at Juhani. Canderous just continued glaring at me.
"Cathari got your tongue, Canderous?" Juhani smiled sweetly at Canderous. If you didn't know better, you'd think the smile was real.
"The day a Cathari gets the better of me is the day that I'm already burning on my pyre. I wasn't expecting to dine with so many conspicuous targets." Canderous sounded a bit ominous. Then again, he always sounded a bit ominous.
"What do you mean by targets, Canderous?" I wanted to clarify if this was normal Mandalorian wariness or if there was a basis to his wording.
"The Council didn't tell you that something or someone is hunting Jedi?"
A/N - Those plot bunnies that were hopping earlier needed a nap. Guess they got tired. Too bad I don't take notes while they're hopping so I can work through their naps... thanks for all the nice reviews folks! I appreciate knowing what you all think. If I'm out of character or something, please let me know. I can't seem to get Juhani right...