I do not owe HXH or Shakespeare. Let it be known.
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"Oh Fiery Phoenix of the Words!" The Jug Ness Monster again lay his head on the ground as he sobbed large buckets of tears. "Thou art gone, flown from thy sweet cave to an unknown fate! Oh fie, fie! Why doth thou leaveth me so?"
Kuroro looked around the cave. "It seems that whoever that was had been alerted of our presence, and had ran away," he announced, "Search for clues, my dear spiders, search for clues."
"…"
"…"
"I've found a red feather."
"Alas!"
Ubogin skipped away hurriedly as a big towering mass of purple thundered towards him, reaching out a wart to grab the feather. "An omen! Oh, an omen! What ill lies ahead for us? Fie, to think of ills when my brethren suffers so! Away, I command thee, away ill thoughts! This feather of fire shall lead us forth!"
"Feather of fire?"
"It's got a little bit of green in it."
"And yellow too."
"Yeah… and it's kind of limp, so it doesn't really strike fire in my mind."
"Yeah… say, do you think that this Fiery Phoenix of the Words is really a bird?"
"Of course it's a bird. A phoenix is a bird."
"Yeah, but phoenixes don't exist in real life."
"Oh come on! Don't you read Harry Potter?"
"…"
"…"
"Phinx, Harry Potter isn't real life."
"How would you know? All you read are those torture books, Feitan. Bet you couldn't tell an ostrich from an elephant."
"Stow it, Phinx, Dancho's glaring at us."
"… Oh… me? No, I wasn't glaring. I was thinking."
"Thinking?"
"Yeah… well now that Shalnark is gone, I couldn't possibly expect to be allowed to continue being OC."
"Oh yeah… someone has to fill in the role of the brainy nerd."
"I resent the implications, Phinx."
"As you say, Dancho."
"So, have you thought of anything?" Shizuku asked, flopping adorably onto a rock and dipping a toe into the water, "Or rather… what are you thinking about, Dancho?"
"Oh… I was trying to remember something, actually," Kuroro confessed, staring in admiration at his boots, "but my shoes keep distracting me. They are so pretty… and for some reason, so incredibly clean despite the fact that we have been sloughing through dirt and mud, and animals pretending to be dirt the whole of today."
"Perhaps you should take them off. The water's really nice."
"Oh. What a good idea."
Five minutes, and much shoving, pushing, cursing, fighting and flipping of coins later, the remaining members of the Genei Ryodan had their shoes off and were sitting at the edge of the water, their legs swinging happily in the cool water as the Jug Ness Monster continued weeping into the pool over the impossibly still dry feather.
"Anyway, what were you remembering, Dancho?" Shizuku continued, as Ubogin eyed the salmon in the pool hungrily.
"Oh… well…" Kuroro eyed the feather, "Never mind that. Does anyone have any ideas what to do next?"
"Get away from here." Machi watched Hisoka curiously. He was conversing in extremely quiet tones with the now silent monster, holding his hands in front of him about a foot apart. The monster nodded his head and the maniac leered happily.
"We can't do that, Machi."
"Why not?"
"Well… we haven't completed our mission."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Dancho, our mission is the catch the Jug Ness Monster and sell it."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Oh yeah… right, but this is different now."
"What do you mean by that?" Despite her irritation, Machi could not stop staring at the two creatures conversing with each other. Hisoka was now flapping one hand around as he pointed with the other. The Jug Ness Monster nodded. Hisoka leered again. Machi half expected the Jug Ness Monster to turn over and fall dead.
"Well, for one thing," Kuroro went on in an insistent tone, "We have so got to find out who's spreading the Words to Wordless beings and stop him or her. If this gets out of hand, Man could be overthrown as the leader of all creatures."
"Since when did you care about what happens to this world?"
"Hey, I donate to charities, right?"
"Anyway, Man has already been overthrown by Woman, so what do you care?"
"Feminist," Feitan muttered as Kuroro shot Machi a glance strong enough to kill. Machi dodged slightly and the lizard behind her dropped dead.
"Anyway, this Phoenix thing could be worth some money," Kuroro ended.
Machi sighed then shuddered as Hisoka leered again at another one of the monster's nods. "Ok, Dancho, but let's do it swift and quick."
"As you say," Kuroro conceded, "but like I said, what do we do next?"
"Oh Kuroro Dancho?" Kuroro froze as soft footsteps padded towards him. His intestines tied up in knots i.e. more knots than is normal.
"Yes, Hisoka?" Butterfly knot. Diamond knot. Dead man's knot.
"May I make a suggestion, Kuroro?" Hisoka purred, sliding down on the floor next to him. Kuroro shuddered, and pounded his heart rapidly to stop it from freezing in fright.
"Ok. What is it?"
"I suggest," he went on, smirking to himself in amusement, "with all my heart and soul, and all my love and devotion to the Genei Ryodan…"
"Get on with it," Kuroro muttered, gritting his teeth to stop them from chattering… or rather, screaming away.
"I suggest," Hisoka repeated, "that we search all the fruit trees on the island."
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Ubogin stared hard at the red object in front of him. He poked it. He flicked his finger at it. He reached a conclusion. "I don't think this is a bird, Dancho!" he called.
"Oh… what a shame…" Kuroro shook his head sadly, "U can get off the papaya tree now, Ubogin."
"Yes, Dancho." With a single mighty leap, Ubogin jumped off the tree and landed neatly on the ground, which muttered, "Get off me, you big lump of brawn," to which Ubogin replied, "Sorry, Phinx."
"Why are we doing this anyway?" Phinx complained, "Why are we searching the fruit trees anyway?"
"Well," Kuroro eyed Hisoka who was happily sniffing what looked suspiciously like a sunflower, "For one, that was the only suggestion raised. For another, the Jug Ness Monster was flooding the pool with its tears, so we can't sit there and soak our tired feet anymore. For the last, well… anything to get away from Hisoka."
"Speaking of which…" Feitan glared at the lake, "Hey, Jug Ness, I don't think that is a fruit tree you're sniffing!"
"Alas… most grave a mistake indeed I would make…" Reluctantly, the Jug Ness Monster dropped one of the miscellaneous hunters out to kill the Jug Ness Monster, who swam away as fast as he could with the valuable information that the –Ing seemed to like the smell of polyesters.
"This isn't going to work," Phinx went on, "there has to be a million and one fruit trees along the Jug Lake? The chances of finding the Phoenix on one of this trees, assuming it's on one of this trees has to be a million in one!"
"I know." The soft purr from behind him turned his blood to ice, tied his intestines up in knots, and stopped his heart cold.
"But you see, my dearest, most beloved Phinx," Hisoka went on, standing uncomfortably close to Phinx, "Many a great nen master has proven that the chances of an event with a one in a million probability of occurring, really occurring is in actual fact nine out of ten."
"Yeah?" Phinx spun around, his blood melting, his intestines unknotting, and his heart pumping again. "Prove it, fag."
A hurt look flickered over Hisoka's face before a long of murderous amusement chased it away. "Well, as a matter of fact, my dear Phinx, I've already did."
Phinx stared as Machi's voice suddenly called from a distance away, "Hey, get them over already, Hisoka! For its size, this phoenix sure is strong!"
They rushed over.
Kuroro stared.
Ubogin stared.
Phinx stared.
Feitan stared.
Shizuku stared.
Machi struggled with the nen threads.
Hisoka smiled.
The earth trembled.
"Stop staring at me!"
"My lord!" The Jug Ness Monster attempted to wrap a wart around it, but it flapped it away (literally).
"I don't believe it," Kuroro muttered.
"The Fiery Phoenix of the Words…"
"Is a…"
"Oh yes."
"You knew it, Hisoka?"
"Oh yes, Phinx, the moment I saw the feather."
"You mean, you knew all along…"
"That the Fiery Phoenix of the Words…"
"Is a parrot?"