Ha ha! The next chapter is up already! I'm rolling! I'm rolling! This is the second last chapter people! I'm still rolling! Oh yeah, baby! Read and Review people, Read and Review! Move with the beat!
Repeat: I do not owe Hunter X Hunter or Shakespeare or Lord of the Rings or any other references to any other texts you may have found in here.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
It was thus when the Genei Ryodan reached the village that they beheld a great sight.
"Oh my, what a great sight!" Kuroro gasped, still in the gallant-knight mode.
Yet, indeed it was a great sight, for before them a storm raged (metaphorically speaking). The Jug Ness Monster had crawled out of the lake and was now thundering around the village, sending houses flying as it roared. The villagers ran from it (that is, till they reached a safe distance where they could stand and watch the show), and hunters ran towards it (all noticing the audience and eager to put up a show). High above, the purple –Ing balloon now no longer anchored to the ground was slowly floating away.
"Look out!"
One of the reporters was standing in the way of the Jug Ness Monster as it thundered towards him. The reporter stood there frozen, his camera still running, even as the Jug Ness Monster (by some strange work of nature), stepped over him daintily and continued its destruction further on. The reporter eventually grew to fame due to his wonderful footage of the Jug Ness Monster, and was inevitably killed when a penny dropped from the top of the Reporter's Association and hit him on the head.
Back on the speedboat, in relative safety, the Genei Ryodan sat down and started to ponder belatedly about their next plan. "Ok, it is one thing to bring the –Ing to civilization to sell," Kuroro said, "but another, to bring a Shakespeare-speaking Jug Ness Monster to civilization to sell."
"It wouldn't take it more than five minutes to drive all our buyers insane," Phinx agreed, "The Kumo was spared only because we have had past experiences with dealing with Things-That-Drive-People-To-The-Brink-Of-Insanity." Everyone nodded in agreement and sneaked accusing glances at Hisoka. Macbeth chose to send his wrath to his Master, who could pass for Things-That-Drive-People-To-The-Brink-Of-Insanity.
"So," Kuroro went on, "what we have to do is to remove the things that gave the Jug Ness Monster its power."
"The Words?" Shizuku guessed, and everyone gasped at her mental clarity.
"Yes indeed," Kuroro said, "though how we're going to do that is beyond my imagination."
Everyone turned to glare at Hamlet and he shrunk even lower.
"Well," Shalnark tried, "it ate the Words, right? Maybe we could try to make it regurgitate its Words."
"Nice try," Kuroro muttered, "but how would we do that?"
"Hey… hey…" Macbeth started, "Let me say something, please."
"Yeah?"
"Alright. I'm only telling you this to earn my pay, okay?
"Okay. What is it, Macbeth?"
"Ok…" Macbeth twiddled his talons uncomfortably, "Listen, the pharmacy at the village sells a kind of laxative that's... well… strong. Just one pill can make a man vomit out everything he had eaten since two weeks ago."
"Ah?" Shalnark stared. "That is biologically impossible… oh… is the pharmacist a nen-user?"
"I wouldn't know, kid," Macbeth sighed, "but I've tried it myself before… when I… well… ok! I confess! I didn't learn how to speak like normal parrots. I… I ate… I ate…"
"You ate Words?" Feitan asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.
"Yeah… but nothing as powerful as Shakespeare," Macbeth mumbled mournfully, "I ate the dinner menu of the last meal Albert Einstein had before he came up with Emc²."
"And you tried to regurgitate it?" Feitan pressed.
"Yeah… actually, I wanted to regurgitate it see… because… well… parrots are supposed to learn how to speak naturally, not by eating Words… but people always made fun of me so I felt so bad… but then after I ate those Words, I got afraid and… so I bought those pills see… but after I tested it on the man who always throws stones at me… I chickened out."
"Oh…"
"That is an intriguing story," Kuroro cut in, "but the pharmacy has probably been destroyed by now." Even as he spoke, the pharmacy,went flying past their heads.
"I was going to add," Macbeth went on, "That the pharmacists makes her pills outside the village, in a little abandoned, shabby warehouse two miles east of the village."
"Ah…" Kuroro nodded his head knowingly, "that is a… hey… that's…"
"Our new headquarters!" Phinx yelped.
"And thus is fate," Hamlet said mournfully, drawing little circles on the floor of the speedboat with his finger.
"Right!" Dancho stood up, his coat flying behind him, "Feitan! To the warehouse immediately, with the greatest speed you can muster! Bring back as many pills as your clothes will carry!"
"No problem," Feitan smirked and was off in a dash.
"The problem now," Kuroro went on, settling down again, "is making the Jug Ness Monster swallow the pills."
"Ah, Dancho?" Shalnark raised a hand and smiled. "I think I've got a plan."
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Two minutes later, Feitan was back.
One minute later, Dancho ordered Feitan to stop dumping the pills on the boat or it was going to sink.
Five minutes later, Shalnark made sure everyone had understood his plan.
Twenty minutes later, Ubogin finally understood what the plan was.
Ten minutes later, Shizuku finally recalled what the plan was.
Thirty seconds later, they were ready to rumble.
Two hours later, Macbeth was still clinging to the steering wheel of the boat, wailing about being sent to his death.
Five seconds later, Machi convinced Macbeth that the alternative was much worse.
Two minutes later, they were finally rumbling.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Holding the steering wheel with one hand, Kuroro materialised his nen book in the other. Smiling evilly, he expertly flipped the pages with two fingers till it came to the picture of a person who had a head that strangely resembled a big ball of red fur. "Mind Voice, activated," he murmured, "Testing, one, two. Testing one, two. Kumo, do you hear me?"
"Yes, Dancho," seven voices answered.
"Macbeth?"
"Don't let me die, please! Don't let me die!"
"Thank you. Ok, Kumo. We are rolling in five, four, three, two… drum roll, please. Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you, I appreciate the adoration. One."
From a cliff, coincidentally, the same one Kuroro had stood upon many days ago, Feitan smirked and turned to Shizuku. "Don't drag me down now, Shizuku."
"I wouldn't," she replied hotly, and they launched off the cliff.
"Ow."
"Oompf."
"Ouch."
"Ow."
"Owwwwwww…"
"Ohhhhhhhhhh…"
And they reached the bottom. "I thought I told you not to drag me down?"
"You did?"
"Arg… never mind. Now let's get that thing's attention."
"Ok. Jug Ness Monster!" Shizuku cried, rushing towards the purple-coloured chaos, "Hey! Jug Ness Monster… what was it that Shalnark told us to shout?"
Feitan rolled his eyes, twiddled his fingers, twiddled his toes and showed other signs of embarrassment, all while running along at supersonic speed. Finally, he gathered up his courage and abashedly shouted, "Come forth, Jug Ness Monster! Brutus and Cassius shall meet thee at Philippi!"
An electric silence descended as the Jug Ness Monster froze in the act of stuffing the mayor's house into the duck pond. "Brutus? Cassius? Alas, alas, hath tyranny ruined my gait, and forth rode Caesar's Bane? Nay! Caesar shall prevail!" With a roar much like the scream of a banshee, it twisted around in a manner much like a snake trying to kiss its back, and thundered towards the two Kumo.
"I think we've got his attention, Feitan."
"Ok," Feitan conceded, "now we distract it."
"Right."
"Mm."
"How?"
"Well, given that it's rolling towards us now, I would strongly suggest running away."
"Oh, I see. Ok."
Then they turned and ran for their lives.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
From the boat, Kuroro watched them through a pair of binoculars. "Ok, Kumo, Feitan and Shizuku are leading it towards the Trap. Phinx, it's time to start rolling."
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Even though they were quite a distance away, the rest of the Kumo could see the Jug Ness Monster thundering towards them. "Ok Dancho," Phinx replied to his Dancho's order, "I'm rolling right now." Hitching up his sleeve, he started to rotate his right arm.
"It's coming soon, Phinx," Ubogin warned, "hurry up with it."
"How many rounds should I go?"
"Well… it's huge… say about twenty. Just don't kill it."
"Twenty, huh? Well… how about fifteen."
"Well…"
"Guys," Machi broke in, "it's past Shalnark and Hisoka's hideout already. It's coming now!"
"Fifteen it is then."
Jumping into the path of the Jug Ness Monster, Phinx rotated his right arm some more. "Fifteen, and I'm done rolling." He smirked even as he saw Shizuku and Feitan rushing towards him.
"It's all yours, Phinx!" Shizuku yelled, just as she and Feitan leapt out of the way.
"Hit it, now!" Kuroro's voice shouted as Phinx drew back his arm.
"Traitors!" The Jug Ness Monster yelled, just as it reached Phinx in a rush of dust and dirt.
"See ya, sucker!" Phinx replied with a smirk, oblivious to the cliché, and hit it.
For a moment, both forces froze in inertia, the Jug Ness Monster poised with one ambiguously shaped fin above Phinx's head, and Phinx with his arm buried half way into what could have been a blister or a purple balloon that got stuck to the Jug Ness Monster when it was busy destroying the town. The other Genei Ryodan stood around, gaping anxiously. Then with a deep sigh, the Jug Ness Monster toppled backwards and crashed into the ground.
"Oh yeah, I rock!" Phinx cheered, just as the blister exploded and drenched him in a liquid which is best left unexplained to the readers.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
"Alright!" Kuroro cheered as he shut out Phinx's curses and yells of dismay with great deliberation, "They got it, Hamlet!"
"Oh woe be me," Hamlet wailed, and pushed some dirtinus out of the way so he could stick his head back into the water and blow bubbles.
"Alright…" Kuroro repeated, watching the action through the binoculars, "Alright, Kumo! We're rocking alright. What's Machi doing? She's supposed to tie it up now! Machi! Machi!"
"Oh woe be me," Hamlet wailed even louder as the dirtinus kept swarming back into the hole he was trying to make.
"Machi! Get it!" Kuroro screamed then leaned back and smiled as he saw Machi spring into action.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
"Machi! Get it!" Kuroro's voice yelped.
Shaken out of her shock, Machi leapt forward, her nen threads lashing out. Even as she moved, the Jug Ness Monster was already starting to get up. "Oh no, you don't!" she cried, as she wrapped her nen thread around four appendages that were probably the fins. Just to make sure, she decided to wrap nen thread around most of the… well… things that stuck out.
"Slay me, villains! Would thou draggedth me through street and throng for all to see? Save me my honour! Bring me Death, and I shall embrace it like a bride in the dark!"
"Oh, save me the images," Feitan groaned.
"Quick, Ubogin! It's breaking the threads!" Machi yelped.
"Alright!" Ubogin roared, a huge bundle in his arms, "It's your turn to shine, buddy!"
"No! Don't! Don't let me die! Don't let me die!" Macbeth wailed, clinging furiously to Ubogin's arms.
"Oh don't be silly! You'll be fine!" Ubogin chirped, smiling in a way that suggested otherwise.
"No! Don't!" Macbeth screamed as Ubogin hoisted him up. Well… technically, what Ubogin hoisted up was Macbeth wrapped in a huge blanket filled with all the pills Feitan could find.
"Ok buddy! It's time to earn your pay!"
"No!" Macbeth screamed.
"Full power on!" Ubogin roared, and threw with all his might.
"No!" Macbeth screamed as he flew straight for the Jug Ness Monster's mouth.
"He's closing his mouth!" Phinx shouted, "He's not going to make it!"
"I know!" Feitan leapt high into the air and landed, as hard as he could, on what was probably the lizard's belly. It gave out a loud gasp of pain, giving Macbeth just sufficient time to fly in.
"NO!" Was the last word they heard, as the parrot finally entered the great cavern.
"Yes!" everyone else cheered, "He's in!"
"Help!" Feitan yelled, wobbling dangerously, his legs all the way into the belly of the lizard, "I'm stuck!"
"Now do your job, Macbeth!" Ubogin roared, ignoring Feitan, "Hurry up and dump the pills in!"
"What pills be this? Nay! I shall swallow naught that comes from the enemy!"
"And there's where I come in." Suddenly, Hisoka materialised from behind, smiling happily. "Swallow up, dear friend," he cooed, as he happily stuck the nostrils and mouth closed, "Swallow up once you can't breathe!" Throwing back his head, he laughed maniacally.
"Macbeth," Feitan instructed, resignedly stuck hip-deep in the Jug Ness Monster, "You have less than a minute to get out through his ears. I suggest you hurry up or he'll swallow you as well."
"I know! I know! I'm trying, but I can't get the bag loose… ah! There! Ok, I'm exiting! I'm exiting! I'm… how do you get to the ears?"
"How am I supposed to know? Climb up I guess."
"Where's up? I'm disoriented! I'm dying! Can't… breathe… can't… breathe… can't…You could at least show a little sympathy you know?"
"For what?" Feitan asked, examining his nails for a lack of other things (such as his toes) to look at, "We are like this in the Kumo. You die then you die."
"Fine! I'll just do this myself."
Feitan settled back resignedly, staring at his arm to avoid having to stare at what he was stuck in. "Good luck, Macbeth," he drawled, "though I wouldn't trust to it."
"I don't care. I'm not talking to you anymore. I've found a path that goes out and I'm going up, so goodbye."
"Alright."
"I meant it. Goodbye."
"I – don't – care."
"Fine! Fine! Heartless bastard."
"Bye," Feitan drawled, looking down his mask, "ta-ta. It was nice while it lasted." He went back to staring at his nails again, and wondered briefly if borrowing a nail file from Machi to ensure his nails were in top-killing form was considered meterosexual.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Kuroro stared hard through the binoculars. "I think Macbeth's in," he said out loud for the sake of Hamlet and the dirtinus swarming around them, "Shalnark's plan is working! I'll be damned."
Interestedly, he watched as the Jug Ness Monster turned even more purplish, and two well… orbs that could pass off for eyeballs rolled back to show the whites… or rather, the light purple. Briefly, he wondered exactly which passage Macbeth was climbing out off.
"Maybe I should go there and help," he said, "even though Shalnark's rationalisation that a person watching from afar could handle the situation better is quite logical." He waited for a reply. "Hamlet?" He turned around and his jaw dropped.
Hamlet was missing.
Hamlet was missing.
Hamlet was missing.
That had to mean trouble.
Well, it has to. If it didn't mean trouble, it wouldn't have happened.
Right?
Kuroro cursed out loud, earning him several disapproving glares from the dirtinus, and wished that he was still the nerdy one, so he could reach a conclusion on that issue.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
"Is Macbeth out yet?" Shalnark called, jogging out to the waiting Kumo.
"Not yet," Phinx replied, "looks like he's doomed."
"Yeah… so this thing hasn't swallowed yet?"
"It's holding out real nice." Phinx grunted disapprovingly, "though it is turning a rather nice shade of blue."
"Yeah… luckily it has stopped struggling," Machi agreed, holding on to her nen thread with both hands.
"Ok," Shalnark went on, turning to the rest of the Genei Ryodan, "Ok. Once that thing swallows, the Words are going to come flying out like… well… a flying object. Anyway, the important thing is for Shizuku to vacuum up all the Words. We don't want another incident of an animal eating the Words. Got that, Shizuku?"
"Oh yes."
"Good," Shalnark said, feeling very satisfied, "with its Words out of it, the Jug Ness Monster will be easy to capture."
There was a sudden rumbling from the Jug Ness Monster, and Hisoka poked his head over a pimple (possibly fin). "I don't mean to be a wet blanket," he purred, "but I don't think the Jug Ness Monster can take it any longer. It's going to swallow soon."
"Alas for poor Macbeth," Feitan said emotionlessly, "can someone pull me out of here? I really don't want to be here when the Words start flying out." A pale arm was offered to him and he reached out to take it. Seeing however, that the arm was attached to a smile that was capable of making the earth tremble, he hesitated.
"I'm standing on solid bone, Feitan," Hisoka drawled, dragging out Feitan's name lovingly, "wouldn't you be much happier standing here as well?"
"Somehow, I doubt that," Feitan muttered, but took the arm all the same.
"There," Hisoka purred, putting Feitan down next to him, "there's a good boy." He giggled, and Feitan wished he was down on solid ground, with an enraged Machi to ensure Hisoka's attention was somewhere else.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
"Horrible, horrible, Kumo! Horrible, horrible people! How could they have left me all alone to do this all by myself while stuck deep in some… some… part of the –Ing?"
Macbeth sniffed miserably the best a bird can sniff, and shuffled forward, unused to walking on its talons. "I can't believe they did that to me!" he mumbled, shuffling on.
Suddenly, in front of it, there was a light, purplish glow. "What? What is this new devilry?" he muttered, "There can't be other things living in this –Ing, can there? I mean… ok… maybe… but…" Hesitation overtook him and he stopped. "And I'm not even sure this is the way out."
The confirmation he needed came without warning. From the depths of the passage before him, a disembodied voice floated out, "Oh dearest, dearest Macbeth! This is Hisoka speaking! Follow the voice to get out now, dear!"
For a moment, Macbeth considered running in the other direction then claustrophobia decided for him.
"Hisoka!" he wailed, shuffling forward at a faster speed. "Hisoka, I never thought I would say this, but help me! Talk some more! Let your voice lead me out!"
Outside, Hisoka smiled prettily down at Feitan. "And I never felt so wanted," he purred then laughed.
Feitan shuddered and returned to daydreams of torturing some random passer-by to death in a place where Hisoka could not smile and laugh at him.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
"He's out! He's out!" Kuroro almost screamed in excitement, "More importantly, he hasn't seemed to have caused any permanent damage to the Jug Ness Monster! He's out! Yes!" He high-fived a dirtinus and wiped his hand absent-mindedly on the back of his pants.
"Dancho…" Shalnark's voice floated from nowhere, "All's going well. Can you see anything from where you are that may cause our plan to go wrong?"
"Well…" Kuroro mumbled, "Hamlet's missing."
"Oh? Well… I wouldn't trust him, but all we've got to do now is to wait for this thing to swallow. It wouldn't last long now. It's practically turning blue by now."
"Alright, Kumo. Let's rumble."
Just at that very moment, a loud groaning, sound, much like the sound of thunder was heard. The entire earth shuddered, and wave upon wave was sent flying across the lake, almost upsetting the boat Kuroro was on. He raised his eyes to look, and beheld a sight that few had seen in a million years or more.
The –Ing was swallowing.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL