Hello people! This is the last chapter for this story! Sad huh, but all goods things must come to an end (well… perhaps not so much "good" things in this case, but "things"). It has been great writing this story, and this is probably the best story I have written so far. I will come up with other Hunter X Hunter stories, but I'm not sure I will use the same whacky, satirical style I used in here. Please to support me all the same anyway!

Finally, for the last time in this fanfic: Hunter X Hunter, Shakespeare etc do not belong to me.

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"Arg! What the…" Phinx yelled, as the Kumo stumbled and swayed helplessly with the ground shaking and breaking apart beneath them.

"That's it," Hisoka said, releasing his nen, "I can't hold it down much longer." He picked Macbeth up carefully and leapt off… whatever part of the –Ing he had been standing on, Feitan following close behind him.

"It's swallowing!" Shalnark cried as Shizuku fell flat on her face behind him, "It's swallowing! Oh yeah!"

With its mouth and nostrils free, the Jug Ness Monster threw back his head and breathed deeply. "Alas! Alas! Power fades and men shall fall. Hence forth, I shall pall. Out my Words, oh out they go. Alas! Alas! I have paid my toll."

There was a sudden retching sound. A shudder ran throughout the great purple frame. Everyone stared in awe as the Jug Ness Monster drew itself up, it's head lifted high. Then without warning, the Words started to fly out.

Along with a lot of other unmentionable stuff.

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Screaming and yelling, the Kumo started to run as the Words and the unmentionables started to rain down on them. Amongst the chaos, Shizuku could be heard shouting, "Suck up everything the Jug Ness Monster is regurgitating!"

There was a gurgling kind of sound then the vacuum cleaner kicked into action, and suddenly, the path of the projectile changed. The Kumo stopped, seeing that neither of them would be hit by –Ing vomit.

"We've done it!" Machi yelped, so delighted she almost lost her cool and kissed Shalnark on the nose. "Shalnark, you are a genius!"

"Aw shucks," Shalnark mumbled, rubbing the back of his head abashedly, "At least now all of you know how to appreciate me."

Phinx and Ubogin were busy doing the victory dance, which included a lot of high-fiving and leg stamping. Feitan merely stood there and smirked.

"At last, we have wrapped up one of our toughest missions," Hisoka drawled, scratching Macbeth's beak. Macbeth sat calmly on Hisoka's shoulder, enjoying the scratching, and starting to develop something akin to "like" for the man.

"Oh, it's not really over yet," Shalnark said seriously, "Once that thing is done vomiting, I've got to control it with my nen power so it will follow us back to civilisation. If not, we'll never get this thing back to York Shin City to sell."

"What can go wrong?" Phinx yelled, twirling around in joy, "What can go wrong at all? We've done it! We've taken out the Words!"

On cue, the Jug Ness Monster slumped down, no longer retching anymore. It raised a flipper/wart, and scratched its head, blinking like a creature that has just awakened from a deep sleep.

"Oh yeah, no more Shakespeare, huh?" Phinx jeered. The –Ing looked at him then gave a soft singing noise, much like the call of a whale.

There was a long silence as all the chaos came to an abrupt stop. Then the Kumo exchanged startled looks.

"Wow," Machi murmured, "I don't see why it wanted the Words when it has got a call like that."

"Yeah," Shizuku agreed.

Before them, the –Ing started to change. Its head smoothened out, and all the ambiguous lumps vanished. Gone were the warts, blisters, pimples and… moles, and the fins became distinctive. Its body lengthened, and became clearly a body. Soon, all parts of it were identifiable as the parts that they were supposed to be.

"Oh my gosh," Kuroro's voice came from far away, "That's how the –Ing really looks like, huh?"

"Yeah," Shalnark said quietly, "Yeah, I guess."

"I'll be damned," Ubogin said.

"Yeah, me too."

"Me three."

"Me four."

"Let's not continue, or we'll sound like some kind of cavemen come to life. We're all feeling like Ubo."

"Yeah."

Slowly, the –Ing lifted its head and gave another beautiful call. It shifted forward, and lowered its head gently such that it nudged Machi (the whole of Machi, given the size of its head). Machi hesitated then patted it gently.

"It was just a tool," Shalnark said softly, gently stroking the –Ing's head, "It was used by Hamlet to wreck havoc."

"Now that I see it," Shizuku said softly, "As it really is, I cannot bear to take it away to live in some tank."

They had all surrounded the –Ing by then and were patting it gently. It called softly and gently nudged them, almost throwing them off their feet.

"Dancho," Shalnark called, "I think we've got some hearts softening here."

From a distance, Kuroro came hurrying up. He nodded in reply to Shalnark then circled around to look at the –Ing. "It's beautiful," he agreed, "Extraordinarily beautiful. Though it is purple, it seems to fit better in the forest than in some tank." He raised a hand and run his hand down the –Ing's flank (that is, as far as his arm could stretch). "It's really a reptile," he said wonderingly, "I always wondered, but it really is. Feel how cold it is."

"You're not the only one, Dancho."

"Yeah. I wondered once if this thing was actually an alien from outer space."

"I wondered if it was Hisoka's brother."

"Yeah, me too."

Kuroro sighed. "I think it is decided," he said mournfully, "even though this thing will give us millions of dollars… well… I don't think we'll bring it back. We'll just have to recoup our losses by robbing all of the underground auctions in York Shin City."

"Aw?" Macbeth moaned, "There goes my part of the pay. Ah well…at least I got a new friend!" He pecked Hisoka's ear lovingly, and the other Kumo's shuddered.

"I don't suppose I could nominate Macbeth to join the Genei Ryodan, could I?" Hisoka purred, happily petting the bird. "He seems to be the only one here who truly appreciates my talent."

Kuroro hesitated then recalled what a lack of appreciation did to someone as normal as Shalnark, and made up his mind immediately. "Oh… ok… I mean, it ate the Words, so it has some nen I guess. Well… I always felt Genei Ryodan needed a mascot, only I was thinking along the lines of a huge scary spider and not a parrot. It will have to do. I just can't figure out where we can put the spider tattoo on."

Hisoka and Macbeth smirked happily to each other and scratched each other tenderly.

The Kumo gathered together and looked at the –Ing one last time. "It's so damned cute," Phinx sighed, "and we spent so much time hunting it, but ah well… let's just get on with it and get out of this hell hole."

"It is agreed," Kuroro said, "let us go."

Just as they turned to leave, however, a shrill cry rang out from the other end of the –Ing.

"What was that?" Feitan asked as they circled hurriedly around the –Ing to look at the new threat.

There, standing at the back of the –Ing stood Hamlet. "Defeat thou imagined I have fallen to!" he cried, "But thou art Stupid, and Ignorant and Oblivious! Not to mention Ugly, Horrible, Irresponsible, Insensitive and Uncouth. Behold, the remaining pages of A Midsummer Night's Dream!" He held out the torn book triumphantly. "Now for Terror!" He leapt forward, and ran the other way, heading for the –Ing's mouth.

"Stop him!" Kuroro cried as the Kumo turned around and headed back for the front of the –Ing, "Don't let him feed it the Words again!"

"Don't let him!" Feitan echoed, "There are no more of those vomit pills left! Macbeth fed all of them to the –Ing just now!"

That was enough to send the Genei Ryodan running faster and faster to the front. They reached there just as Hamlet did. "Stop it!" Phinx yelled.

"Behold the Words, thou stricken beast!" Hamlet yelled, "Eat thy Words, and be strong!" Without bothering to tear the pages, he drew back his arm and started to squeeze it into the –Ing's mouth.

Just at that exact moment, Machi reached him. "Eat your own Words, asshole," she growled and tore the book from his arms. Before anyone could stop her, she tore a few pages up, bunched them into a ball, and shoved them down Hamlet's throat.

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For a moment, everyone froze in their positions, even the –Ing which stared down at them with a look much like that of a puppy begging for a scratch. Hamlet clutched his throat despairingly and coughed, sounding like a blocked pipe being unblocked.

Then suddenly, he fell forward on all fours and made a whining noise.

The Kumo backed off rapidly, Macbeth clutching hard to Hisoka's shoulder. Hamlet made a second whining noise and then stood up on his legs again. Then he gave a call much like the sound of nails scratching over a blackboard.

"I'll be damned," Kuroro muttered, "so that's what happens when a Speaking Creature eats the Words."

"They actually lose it," Shalnark marvelled, "he's lost his Words!"

Hamlet gave them a mournful look as he tried to move his mouth to articulate the Words. It didn't work and he whined again.

"Ah well," Phinx broke in, stretching his arms, "that's that. You can get back your Words once you find the pharmacist who makes those marvellous puke pills. It would take some time though, given that you've just destroyed the entire village using the –Ing." He patted said lizard fondly.

"You have no idea how happy I am to not be able to hear you complain and insult anymore," Feitan agreed, feeling much friendlier now that the Shakespeare-using Hamlet was gone, "and no more Shakespeare for the rest of my life from you at least!" He almost smiled at that thought, but didn't because he was Feitan and Feitan never smiles.

"Let this be a lesson to you, Hamlet," Kuroro said, smirking happily, "we shall leave you here of course, with no one to insult. Of course, you could share a nice non-verbal conversation with your new buddy, the –Ing… which reminds me. Without your Words, you can't possibly be called Hamlet. You shall now be called –Tion."

-Tion glared at him angrily.

"Bye, -Tion!"

"We shall see you some other time, maybe."

"Now the Jug Lake has two legends. The –Ing and the –Tion."

"Yeah… that's funny, Ubogin, never thought you could think of it that way."

"And there's always the shalnarkian dirtinus. I'll tell them to keep an eye on both legends, and make sure –Tion can't drown himself blowing bubbles."

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah."

Laughing, the Genei Ryodan walked away into the sunset, glad of a mission completed… though the goal had obviously been changed somewhere along the mission.

-Tion glared at them angrily.

Then gave them the middle finger.

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Back at them abandoned warehouse in York Shin City, Shalnark hummed happily to himself as he read a message off his computer. "Hey guys! I got a message from my shalnarkian dirtinus!" he called.

"Really?" Phinx bounded down, followed shortly behind by Shizuku and Kuroro. "You got an e-mail from a lump of dirt?"

"A few lumps of dirt," Shalnark confessed, "I left them a portable waterproof, shockproof, dirt-proof, foolproof laptop and taught them how to use it."

"…"

"…"

"My, you don't say."

"What did they say anyway, Shalnark?"

"Oh," Shalnark smiled, "well, they said that the –Tion has finally accomplished the art of camouflage, and has become especially fond of eating algae. He seems to have lost the distaste for the primitive, and has taken to howling at the moon when it is full. From what the dirtinus can tell, it seems to have some kind of boosting effect on his male ego."

"My, you don't say."

"As for the –Ing…" Shalnark paused as they all took a one minute silence to sit and smile dreamily at the memory of the –Ing, "Well… he's going along fine, and seems quite happy with his new companions. The dirtinus have become quite fond of him too, and helps him clean those hard to reach places on his back when he bathes in the Jug Spring."

"My, you don't say."

Kuroro stood up and dusted the back of his pants with a sigh. "That was good news anyway," he said, "now, we've just got to wait for the rest of the Genei Ryodan to turn up before we can make anymore plans to rob all the underground auctions in York Shin City."

"Yeah… hey, where's Hisoka?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, I just noticed that the earth has been trembling a lot less lately… and if he isn't around, this is a good time to actually get a sane conversation out of Machi."

"Oh… I think he ran off to take the Hunter's Exam. It ends just before the date we all agreed to meet on."

"Ah… that would explain why Macbeth's sitting in his room and crying to himself."

"Yeah. Those two make a weird pair."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

Kuroro sat back on the cardboard box. "It is nice to be able to sit on old mouldy cardboard boxes instead of having to trudge through miles upon miles of dirt," he reflected, smiling happily, "now we do nothing and wait, Kumo. Did you happen to know, by the way, that we spend almost one third of our lives waiting? Bet you didn't know that. Well, I've say it's a good waste of time."

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Deep in the Jug's Forest, a group of hunters sat around a campfire, exchanging stories. "Bet none of you have ever heard of the Jug's Legend," one of them said suddenly.

"What Jug's Legend? This primordial pit has a legend?"

"Yeah. Wait till you hear it, it'll scare the bones out of your skin!" the first hunter cackled. He leaned forward and gestured for the rest to do so as well. "It is said that deep in the forest lives two hideous creatures, the –Ing and the –Tion. They are lovers, two creatures bonded in marriage by evil, some say, for they always travel together with their brood of tiny, dirt-like babies, all the ten million of them."

"Sick," some one gasped, and they all huddled closer together.

"Oh yes. It is said that every night on a full moon, the –Tion comes out to hunt man-flesh. Right before the hunting, he will give a hideous howl to send the prey running. It's more fun for him they say," the first hunter went on, adding on to the tale with gruesome relish, "He walks like a man, but never speaks. Some say, his speech was taken away by a great goddess for his sins. Yet run he still can, and he runs like the wind, with his claws and fangs flashing out to sink into flesh! He loves blood, they say and he will hack even the smallest baby to pieces to drink it."

"Oh god…" someone groaned, and one of the weaker hunters started to feel a little faint.

"As for the –Ing!" the hunter went on, grinning at the sight of their frightened faces, "It is said she is huge, as large as a mountain, but as silent as a ghost. It is impossible, some say, to know when she will appear. Remember the village over there? Well, some says it was destroyed by her, and the villagers never even knew she was coming. It is said that she has a voice sweeter than any music, and all who listen to it fall under her spell, and will eventually be eaten alive, still smiling as she crunches up their bones."

"Gruesome," someone mumbled.

"Ain't it?" the hunter said, grinning, "It's a great legend, but a legend only, I should say." He laughed at their glares. "Sleep well, babies," he went on, "no –Tion or –Ing will be coming around to eat you up!"

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Behind the bushes, two dirtinus stared at the hunters as they patted down their beds to sleep. They exchanged looks then they turned around and stared at the –Ing, the –Tion and their dirtinus comrades frolicking happily in the lake while enjoying a feast of algae. Then they looked back at each other again and made up their minds.

This was one issue they so did not need to tell Shalnark.

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Author's Note: Ha ha… and here comes the end of a nice, epic story. Hmm… I really want to thank all my reviewers (for the last time) here, because this is my first fanfic, and my reviewers have been exceptionally kind to me. Just a couple of things to add on; I am a great fan of Terry Pratchett, and I think most of his readers can see his influence in my writing. Some of the theories in here (like the "chance in a million" one cited by Hisoka can be attributed to him.

Coincidentally, without really meaning to, I added a bit of pro-environmentalist issues in there, like how the –Ing is great before Man (Hamlet) came to influence it. It isn't political, so don't get pissed with me for that.

In conclusion, thanks for reading. It has been fun for me, and I hope it has been the same for all of you! Do continue to support me when I put out new fanfics! 

The End