Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be, thanks for making me cry.
Warnings: torture mentioned in this chapter… kinda blunt torture that I then crack a couple of ill-placed jokes regarding.
I found that even with a promotion and a fancy new title, life didn't change much. Well, at least life for me didn't change much. I was still forbidden from leaving the Jedi Temple on threat of arrest and execution. I was, to put it mildly, completely bored. I was bored with looking at the same walls everyday. I was bored with speaking to the same people everyday. I was bored with sparring with the same people, even if the students were improving. I was bored with everything.
I wanted to escape out of the Temple. I wanted to hop into the Ebon Hawk, play Pazaak with Mission, spar with Canderous and argue with Carth. I longed for the streaking starlight of hyperspace and the lazy moments as we hurtled to our next destination.
Basically, it all came down to freedom. I missed my freedom to choose. That I gave up that freedom in one grandiose spur-of-the-moment choice was not without its ironies to me. The confinement still rankled.
I began fighting against being fettered. I spent more time outside in the gardens. My meditation time was the only time I was truly free. During meditation, I could soar through the city and visit anywhere I wanted. I was free of all confines and so I spent more and more time meditating. In my head was true freedom and those around me found it hard to understand that.
I could sense the worry radiating off Juhani and Jolee. Both tried to pull me from my contemplations. Juhani sparred with me until we were both panting for breath. Jolee lectured me by telling me random stories about deceased Jedi that didn't maintain awareness of their surroundings. Hindsight is twenty/twenty and Jolee was trying to tell me more than just to focus on my padawan.
When it comes to martial matters, I am brilliant. Saying that makes me sound egotistical but it's a simple statement of fact. I see the way a battle will unfold and I do my best to plan tactics that will keep the opponent from winning. The talent isn't Battle Meditation; I'll leave that to Bastila. Instead, it's more like educated guessing. I research my opponent until I know him, her, it or them better than I know myself. Admittedly, at this point, I know barely anything about myself, but the meaning still stands. I plan to the most minute details until there is no way my forces can lose simply because I plan for any eventuality.
However, I've always had my blind spots. As the betrayal of my brother illustrates, I continue to trust even though obvious factors point a cautionary warning. I thought after my promotion and my newest acquisition, the padawan son of one of the Republic's most trusted heroes, things would change. I figured, albeit very naively that I would be allowed to leave the Temple. I assumed that due to my new status, the Republic officials would gift me with a small modicum of trust and at least allow me to venture out into Coruscant. The Jedi Council kept promising that they were trying to intervene in the case to allow my padawan and me to train out in the galaxy. Jolee and Kavar, in particular, were very eager to assist my cause.
I also thought, as much as it hurt, that my former non-Jedi crewmates didn't want anything to do with me. After all, I was now an acknowledged war criminal. They had to have been taking some heat for associating with me. I could just see Mission trying to defend me and having to fall back on Big Z to protect her when her protestations got her in trouble. I figured that Canderous was off doing some Mandalorian thing.
The one person I couldn't figure out where we stood was Carth. I knew from Dustil that he was hurt that I didn't comm him as often as he commed me. That might be why he was never available whenever I tried to reach him and didn't return my calls. Force knows, Carth is a moody guy but I didn't think someone professing to love me would treat me this way. We've had more than our fair share of arguments but Carth had never ignored me. Even when I was shown to be Revan, he'd raged and yelled at me.
I couldn't discern a pattern in the behavior of those outside of the Temple, much as I tried. What I didn't take into account, brilliant strategist that I was purported to be, was that I was being betrayed from inside the Temple. Someone I knew and trusted was using my situation and me for their own purposes. The betrayal was subtly done, so subtle that I didn't pick up on it.
Instead, it was brought to my attention one beautifully sunny afternoon as I sat in the meditation gardens with Jolee. We were, for all intents and purposes, meeting to discuss how Dustil was progressing under my tutelage.
"He's quite talented with a lightsaber, Jolee. The other day, he actually disarmed me completely." With a small smile of pride that I hoped Dustil would never see, I acknowledged his prowess with a single lightsaber. Dustil and I still had an uneasy truce between us. There were topics that were strictly off-limits, his father being one of them. This wasn't due to avoidance on either of our parts, it had more to do with the fact that our mock battles turned ferocious as we had a habit of disagreeing strongly. Dustil also had the annoying habit of getting cocky when I complimented him, which normally preceded him "dying" in a spectacularly stupid manner.
"It's all well and good to know what you're doing in a practice but what about real life experience? When are you going to show him how the galaxy works?" Jolee's cantankerous voice was one of the few that I got to hear in my insulated world.
"Jolee, you know as well as I do that I'm not allowed to leave the Temple."
"Don't you wonder why?" Jolee cocked his head at me, as if I were a puzzle he didn't want to take the time to figure out. It was the same look he'd given me countless times when I didn't get what he was saying in one of his long rambling stories.
"It's simple enough, I leave the Temple, and I'm arrested and then executed. Sounds a bit painful to me." Jolee snorted at me.
"How the hell did you ever win a battle?" Jolee shook his head at me. "Did I ever tell you the story of Ignatius the Wise?" It was my turn to shake my head.
"Ignatius was a wise Jedi. Ha, that's why they called him Ignatius the Wise, get it? Anyway, back in the day, Ignatius was in charge of, well, I forget. But, he was in charge of something." I smiled. Jolee's story telling reminded me of why I was fond of the old man.
"Where was I? Don't you look at me like that, girly. When you get to my age, you'll forget a few things too. Ignatius was so wise they put him in charge of something important."
"It couldn't have been that important if you forgot what he was in charge of, right?" I loved to sass Jolee. It's a small action that never ceases to delight me.
"Don't you get smart with me. When you're my age, you'll realize the audacity of youth. Back in my day, we wouldn't have treated our elders with such disrespect. Where was I?" I hid a laugh behind a cough.
"Right, Ignatius was tallying some figures when he realized they didn't add up." Jolee sat back and looked at me. The silence stretched on as I waited for Jolee to continue the story. I should have known better.
"So then what?" I finally couldn't help myself.
"That's it; he wasn't so wise, now was he? The young, today, they never get what you're trying to tell them. I don't know why I bother." Jolee looked at me with an indiscernible gaze as he got to his feet. "When you have knees like mine, you won't be gallivanting all over the place. Just for once, I'd like to be able to get up without all this creaking and groaning. You'd think I was one of those awful Bith bands with all the noises my body makes. Can't stand Bith bands, bunch of senseless noise, all caterwauling and honking and…" Jolee's voice faded as he continued his rant while walking away from me.
I sat there and stared at the colorful flowers waving in the slight breeze. I looked at the rugged rocks scattered throughout the rock garden. I'd like to claim that an epiphany hit and I knew instantly how I'd been locked into being a prisoner. However, Jolee's story only opened me up to the possibility that everything I took for granted didn't add up.
My dreams that night were haunted by ghosts and old memories.
I strode down a long walkway. With a small flick of a finger, I sent the body that dared to impede my progress flying into a wall. A sickening crunch signaled that I would need a new gunner. My flagship was running at peak capacity. Everything was as it should be. The Star Forge was pumping out new fighters at an astounding rate. My capital ships were finally manned by well-trained crew. Many of my former Jedi allies were now my Sith apprentices.
I had a strong navy to fight the coming invasion. Soon it would be time to fight fire with fire. The Republic was stuck hiding behind its righteous ideals and didn't stand a chance against its unknown foe. However, Malak and I had seen the real foes. The Mandalorians were a front, a small foray to gauge the readiness and willingness of the Republic to fight.
It was while I was high on the power of success that I learned that there must be balance. My absolute high came crashing down into an absolute low as I was hailed by Sulun, an apprentice of some skill and my current bed warmer.
"Master, a moment of your time." Even through the mask, Sulun knew the glare that radiated towards him. "Master, Malak is missing."
"Define 'missing', Apprentice." Sulun quailed in front of me and I still had enough of a lightsider in me to be slightly ashamed of my enjoyment of his pain.
"Master, Malak's ship, as far as we can determine, has been captured."
"Who?" It was softly spoken but as those who knew me could attest, it was when I got quiet that fear should be an overriding emotion.
"We are still researching, Master." A small pinching motion of my fingers caused Sulun to choke. His skin, naturally tinted lilac, turned a beautiful shade of violent purple that I resolved to paint my bedchamber. The clawing motion of Sulun's hands annoyed me and I pinched just a little harder to make him stop.
"Where?" I directed the query to the room at large as Sulun had finally stopped his frantic gesturing.
"Somewhere in the Varko Sector, my Lord." A small voice piped up from the pit of computer systems below my deck.
"Finally, some competence, I am amazed. You," I waved in the general vicinity of the small voice. "will accompany me. Order my ship prepared. Prepare a support flotilla. We leave within the hour."
The journey to the Varko Sector did not pass fast enough for me. I could feel the pain that my brother and primary apprentice was suffering. I was abrupt and impatient but kept my temper under a modicum of control so that the idiots surrounding me could, at least, sacrifice themselves for my continued survival.
The battle scenes passed quickly through my dream. A flash of lightsabers clashing, a glimpse of bodies falling, the echoing sound of maniacal laughter ringing through hallways, all blinked through my dream like a surreal holovid.
Like any stereotypical nightmarish dream, I approached a doorway at the end of a long corridor. Behind it, I could sense the waning life force of my brother. In slow motion, I opened it, dreading what was behind.
When I opened the door, I almost vomited as the smell of decay slapped at me, even through the filtering system of my Force-mask. My tall, handsome brother lay, curled into himself, on a dirty cot in a corner. His skin, always pale, glowed a disgusting yellow. There was no space for embarrassment as a cry escaped my mouth. That witty and smiling mouth, sometimes I thought it the best feature, was gone. Instead of a lower jaw, there was only a wreck of infected and rotting flesh.
Rage demanded that I rip the door from its hinges and howl at the world. My anger demanded justice and justice was to slaughter every single being that inhabited this station, the planet below, any and all suppliers and any who knew what had been done to my brother. For my brother, however, I quietly stalked into the room and stood by his side. Revenge would wait until I assessed damage and secured safety.
I touched his forehead and shuddered at the too high temperature of his flesh. At my touch, Malak's eyes opened and a small mewling noise escaped his lips. He whimpered like an infant and the remains of my heart shattered.
"Malak, oh Malak, what did they do to you?" My voice sounded mechanical as it escaped through the Force-mask. I could see Malak's throat working frantically to make him understood. He started thrashing on the cot.
"Hush baby, relax." I took off my mask and lowered myself to be closer to him. The back of my hand rubbed down his cheek, trying to offer what little comfort I could. I tried to avoid his eyes. They were pleading with me to put him out of his misery, end his pain and suffering, kill him, do something.
"I won't do it, Malak. We'll figure something out." I rubbed Malak's forearm in small circles when it suddenly grabbed me with a frantic strength.
"So, that's what I looked like when you found me. Disgusting, isn't it?" My remembered-self continued to rub comforting circles as my cognizant self looked up. Malak stood, whole and complete behind me. "Why didn't you end my torment?"
"I couldn't. You were my brother, the only person I valued."
"And, in the end, you killed me anyway." Malak shook his head sadly at me.
"I didn't mean to kill you. I was trying to save me."
"Was I so weak that you felt the need to rescue me and save me at every turn?" I just stared at him. "Watch, Revan."
The scene fast-forwarded to the same decking. I was stalking my prey. I knew who the betrayer was. Someone had sold Malak's trip details to the enemy. Through investigation and prudent use of the Force, I'd narrowed it down. My betrayer had no clue what was about to happen to him.
"Master, how is Malak? I understand he has been transferred to our medbay."
"Your concern is quite fitting, Sulun, it does you credit." My voice was cold, all warmth I'd possessed had been beaten out of me by this betrayal. Hidden behind the mask was a mockery of a smile, a snarl that mixed with a smirk. The last of the idealistic Jedi was gone and this creature in front of me was about to find out.
"Thank you, my Lord. What are his injuries?"
"Tell me, apprentice, were you recompensed enough? Did you receive your entire payment or was the second half deliverable upon death?" A panicked expression flitted across his face, so quickly that if I had not been looking for it, I would have missed it.
"I…I have no idea what you are discussing. What does payment have to do with injuries, Master?" Sulun took a small set of steps back as I continued my approach.
"Sulun, I owe you a debt of gratitude. You have taught me a valuable lesson." My apprentice's stiff posture relaxed a little bit. "Without your betrayal of Malak, I would not have learned that there can never be trust among Sith. Thank you for completing my training." Sulun's mouth opened and shut like a fish.
"My Lord…I…but…how?"
"Due to my debt of gratitude, I will show you leniency and mercy." The assembled crowd stared at the confrontation.
"Thank you, My Lord." The last word was cut off by a shrill high pitched scream that squeaked out of the former Jedi's mouth. The flesh around the former Jedi's mouth melted.
"There must be balance to the Force. You took from me and mine; I will take from you and yours." The only sound in the room was the gentle "plop-plop" as the flesh dripped onto the ground. Sulun soon followed, collapsing to the ground in pain.
"I wondered what you did to him to cause so many to fear you. I'd heard rumors and stories but I longed to see it for myself." The dream Malak stood by my side once more. Together, we watched until there was no flesh left on Sulun. "You were quite terrifying."
"How could I be so cruel? A Jedi…"
"We were no longer Jedi. We were Sith." Malak interrupted me. The body in front of me continued to writhe on the ground as the melted skin formed a puddle on the ground.
"Please, make it stop." The soft horrified whisper barely came out of my voice.
"The memory must finish. I am not making you remember this. There is a reason you need to remember the lesson of betrayal. Once more, you and yours are betrayed by one you trust. Investigate and cut the betrayal off at the knees while you can still act."
With a frantic inhale, I sat up in my bed. I couldn't catch my breath as I panted. What was going on with all the warnings of betrayal? Who was the betrayer?
The only thing I knew for certain was that I would not be melting any flesh anytime in the near future. I wasn't sure which disturbed me more, the vision or the lack of remorse?
After I finally started breathing normally, I looked at the clock. It was early but not so early that I couldn't get some breakfast and then some quality time in the library. After my stomach rebelled at the thought of breakfast, I decided to go straight to the library.
A few hours passed as I cursed and cajoled the machines to give me the information I needed.
"Unknown query. Please rephrase your query."
"I'll rephrase you, you stupid piece of gizka crap! Give me all information regarding the trial of Jedi Master Revan."
"Unknown query. Please rephrase your query."
"For Force sake! Pull all records regarding the possible trial of Jedi Master Revan."
"Unknown query. Please rephrase your query." With a flick of my wrist, I stood up and fired up my right lightsaber.
"Now, you stupid piece of crap, you will give me all information regarding the trial of Jedi Master Revan or I will carve you into pieces so small that no one will recognize you!" It was only fitting that that would be when my padawan would walk in, escorted by Masters Vandar and Jolee. As it was too late to hide the fact that I was threatening the computer with my lightsaber, I tried my best to distract them by inserting a quick "Please".
"Master Revan, what is going on here?"
"Computer problems, Master. It seems that I cannot access the Jedi records of my trial, even though they were here a week ago." I powered the lightsaber down. I caught Dustil's smirk.
"Did you not think of asking a librarian for aid?"
"Uh, no, I didn't." Dustil's smirk grew bigger. I couldn't wait until practice when I could wipe that grin off his face. He looked way too pleased with the situation.
"Here, let me, Master." Dustil sauntered, yes, I mean he sauntered, over to the computer workstation and keyed in some series of commands. "Computer, please retrieve all records regarding the possible trial of Jedi Master Revan. Please download all information on the attached datapad." Dustil shot me a triumphant look.
"Unknown query. Please rephrase your query." Dustil's smirk disappeared.
"Masters, the records were here just yesterday. I pulled them up, myself." Master Vandar limped over to the workstation and keyed in another set of commands.
"The records are missing. We will need to investigate. Should you discover any other records missing, please inform a librarian. We do not need an assassinated workstation." I heard Dustil snicker. When I turned to look at him, the snicker turned into an obviously fake cough. I couldn't wait to get even.
"I am sorry, Masters. I allowed my temper to get away from me." Once more I heard Dustil snicker and then try to cover it with a cough. Jolee's eyes twinkled and I knew he was laughing at me.
"Really, Revan, attacking an unarmed opponent? I'm shocked." Jolee's twinkling eyes morphed into a full bellied laugh. Master Vandar joined in, quickly followed by Dustil. I glared at all of them.
"You, with me." I pointed at Dustil and gestured for him to follow me as I stalked out of the library. The laughter followed after me. We kept walking until I found a small training room with another computer system.
"Get me in that." I waved at the computer. Dustil smirked at me again and logged in.
"I'm in, Master." I hated how he said 'master'. It made me want to shake him because he reminded me of his father.
"Look up all information on Jedi Sulun Destrierq." With a confused look, Dustil typed in the necessary commands.
"Who's that?" The computer chirped.
"None of your concern at this point, padawan. What did it bring up?"
"A file on the guy, it says he joined up with you. Why is he important?"
"Download the information onto my datapad. I'll review it later."
"What datapad?" Dustil threw a confused look around the room.
"UGH!" I screamed in frustration. "I left it at the library. Go back and get it, padawan."
"Why do I have to? You're the one that left it there."
"You need to learn some respect for your master, padawan. When you reach my rank, then you can boss around padawans, until then, suck it up and play fetch."
"You're sounding more and more like Jolee every day." I growled. "Ok, ok, I'm going, sheesh. You're as cranky as he is too!" Dustil ran out of the room before I could think of something to say.
"You're researching the wrong betrayal, Revan." The ghostly voice of Malak spoke over my shoulder.
"I didn't want my last vision of him to be a melted pile of goo on the deck of the Star Forge. It would give me indigestion." A bark of laughter from Malak acknowledged my statement.
"Worse indigestion than you're getting with your padawan? Were we that arrogant when we were studying?"
Dustil came back into the room with the datapad. He quickly downloaded the information.
"Anything else you need, oh wise and gracious master?" I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, get me any and all information on the members of the Council. I also want to know anything relating to the negotiations for my freedom and, that's wise, gracious and impressive master. Get it right next time, sonny." We both laughed at my poor imitation of Jolee's voice.
"It is good to hear you laugh, Revan." Juhani's voice came from the doorway. "I was worried that I would not hear it again." I smiled at her as I walked across the room and hugged the Cathar.
"I'm getting there. Thanks for sticking with me."
"Of course, what else would I do? You did not leave me in my times of trouble." The softly accented voice helped to ground me. At least, it did until a thought crossed my mind.
Malak told me that the betrayer was someone close to me. Could it be Juhani?
Sorry for the delay in updating. RL got to me, as did the addiction to another fandom. For cookies and updates, please visit my livejournal account that is on my profile.
Got a couple of questions on this so I'll answer them here, well, kind of. If you've played KOTOR 2, you know what happens to Revan and Carth so you know where I'm going with it. Also, you know what happens to the Jedi (well, kinda) after KOTOR 1, so you know the confines that I'm writing with here. I'm simply trying to explain why the galaxy would view both the Sith and the Jedi as two sides of the same coin.