A/N: OK, so I'm bored and am updating about an hour and a half after I posted the last chapter. This chapter's pretty short, It's just Lily reflecting on what's happened so far. I know what HAS happened is really stupid, so I'm flattered that people are reading and reviewing! (Like PremzaWitchOfWeirdos, russianchikk, xEngufledInDarknessx and rupertisahottie05! Thanks!)
Disclaimer: All I own is a small and limited brain, a fairly old piece of blu-tack and my sister (I won her off my parents in a family game of blackjack).
Lily sniffed, her lower lip trembling. Right now, James was facing whatever that blasted thing was in that damn house. And he was facing it injured.
Lily herself was fine, now. She'd gone up to the Hospital Wing straight after the incident in the grounds, and awkwardly explained to a sleepy Madam Pomfrey that she had "Been sleepwalking and tripped up." Madam Pomfrey had not been convinced, probably because she was wet and covered in dust, dirt and mud as well as blood. However, she had mended the cuts with a wave of her wand and shuffled back off to bed.
Now Lily lay in bed, with her nose just a little different than before and the patterns on her clothes no longer visible underneath all the stains. But she didn't care. James was hurt, possibly even more so than h had been when she'd last seen him. And worse of all, he probably hated her.
A tear rolled down Lily's cheek, off her nose and dripped onto her pillow. She' had risked so much to say sorry to him, but, like a total prat, she'd forgotten to in light of fear to herself.
That's not true. Piped up a voice at the back of her mind. I cared about his wellbeing, too!
Yes, argued another, stronger part of her. But you fled like a coward when he could have been, and may still be being, killed. And, anyway, there are worse things than physical hurt. You killed him inside when you got man, and you know it. Now, when you had the chance to apologize, you left him to fend for himself!
There was too much truth in this for Lily to bear. All the pain, misery and guilt inside her made her feel as though her insides were on fire. He asked me to leave! She told herself. He told me to go!
Ahh, but he didn't actually ask you to leave, now, did he? He just made motions towards the exit. He might have been asking you if you thought the trapdoor tasted like cheese, for all you know! And you left him by himself! Said her conscience.
But he wasn't by himself - that black dog was with him!
That black dog could have been the thing that hurt his shoulder! That argumentative side of her said.
No, it wasn't the dog! James was hanging around with the dog earlier, and it wasn't touching him! She practically begged for forgiveness from herself. Her conscience seemed to think she'd felt guilty enough for one day, however, and remained silent.
Lily let out a sob. Would James ever forgive her for this? Not only had she slapped him, hated him and ignored him, but now she had left him alone with that… thing! She didn't know if she'd ever be able to pardon herself!
I deserve to be with that monster, not James. She thought dully. He's done nothing wrong, and I've don, well, everything wrong. Oh, I hate myself. Lily rolled over and sniffed sadly again. She felt worse than she had ever felt in her life – including the time she'd had to meet her sister's fat, gag-worthy boyfriend, Vernon.
There was a rotten, aching hole inside her, which she knew could only be filled if James forgave her, which would never happen now. Tomorrow, though, she would say her sorry. And if he didn't accept it, which he had every right to do, Lily knew she deserved it.
A/N: In the script that follows, I will say everything I want to say and probably everything you want to say to me, too.
Me: (to the tune of 'I like short shorts') Who hates short chapters?
You: (to the tune of 'I like short shorts') I hate short chapters!
Me: Anywho, Next we're back to James… do you think he really hates her?
You: OF COURSE HE FREAKING DOESN'T! HE'S LOVED HER SINCE FOREVER!
Me: Am I really that predictable?