Sry, I know it's been a while….okay, it might have been more than awhile…..my only excuse is, PHYSICS. My reason to continue after such a long time: PHYSICS. K? Explanation done. On with my story that is insanely weird and I am insanely scared of you people that actually read this and enjoy it.
Disclaimer: uh….do I still have to have this up? Ya'll know I don't own anything
O wait! I need to apologize for my many spelling errors! I'm sorry, I usually don't make such mistakes but I'm typing fast for this because if I don't ill get extremely bored, extremely fast! It's just a fanfic story anyway…ok on with the story!
We left Harry Potter when he was trotting off for revenge...right? Right. Okay, so off he went….trotting. He liked his little trot. He felt like a horse and feeling thus accomplished, he began to canter. He then began to neigh eat grass…no wait that's cows…..eat the hay that appeared from, uh, his wand! He ate the hay coming from his wand and neighed like a happy horse running in the June summer winds of some place that happened to have fields for horses to canter in.
He continued this all the way to Voldemort's humble abode, where Voldemort was currently serving tea to his guests: Ms. Fluffy-bunny, Mr. Ribbetty, Mrs. Snopsco, and a few death eaters. The death eaters had the most disgusted of faces on and they were all looking at Voldemort with such faces, probably because he was wearing a nice frilly apron.
Harry decides to stay away for a bit to watch the sun set and to remember how Voldemort was so mean to Ms. Puffs!
So when the sun set Voldemort's tea party was beginning to go down hill. Mrs. Snopsco, the white stuffed goose that Voldemort loved as a kid in an orphanage, was currently refusing to drink her tea. Voldemort through a fit when he realized the OTHER stuffed animals wouldn't drink either.
"Crucio!"
"Crucio!"
"Crucio!"
The toys began shaking and shaking around.
"Avada Kedavera!"
"Avada Kedavera!"
"Adva Kedavera!" (I can't spell)
The toys were burnt to crisps.
Voldemort cried and cried. Harry realized this was an emotional moment for Voldemort and came out of hiding to pat him on the back. The death eaters didn't like that plan too well and began to cry with helplessness. This reminded Harry that he wasn't here to sympathize with Voldemort, after all Mrs. Puffs was dead and the death had been blamed on Voldemort…..
So Harry runs back to his hiding place, the death eaters go back to looking disgusted, and Voldemort runs to Harry hiding spot to hide too.
"Hi-ya Harry! Are we playing sardines? I found you first! Yay! So lovely for you to show up for my tea party….maybe YOU'LL drink my tea?"
Harry stuck his bottom teeth out and instead of neighing like a horse he growled like a dinosaur and bucking like a deer. His hooves, I mean….shoes, his shoes hot Voldemort in the chin. He then took out his wand and pointed it at Voldemort. He had won the….he had won! YAY! Voldemort would now die! Revenge for Mrs. Puffs!
But Harry had forgotten that Voldemort had his own wand. Voldemort pointed his own wand at his chin and it no longer bled. Plus he had taken Harry's wand and now HE had won! Yay! He is ruler of the world! Yay! Now what?
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After that long thoughtful time, Voldemort decided that it was boring to be ruler if Harry wasn't being chased or vise versa. There was no excitement. He released Harry and went inside his humble abode which wasn't so humble anymore because Voldemort had just realized that he was depressed.
Harry went back home too, although he felt positively jubilant! He was still a hero because now Voldemort was so depressed that he wouldn't be bothersome anymore! Yay!
For the next year Voldemort did nothing but cry, sleep, and eat horseradish. He became overweight, sleepy, and wet. When reminded of his murder of poor Mrs. Snopsco, he bawled even harder and sunk into deeper depression.
This was so….until he met Petunia. Petunia was passing out horseradish to all her neighbors to celebrate her birthday. Voldemort had been visiting her neighbor because he was a physiatrist and Voldemort a reverted to the muggle ways of healing. Voldemort answered the door and was in love with the horse-like woman on the welcome mat. When he found out her favorite food was horseradish too, well, he was in love. They stood there looking at each other for hours. Voldemort was in a daydream where Petunia was in his arms and she was neighing, and neighing, and neighing………….
It was beautiful.
They ran away together to an island of the coast of Britain known as "horsey-doo-doo Island." It was a magical island made by horse poop. There, the two spent the whole year and lived happily……
And then it was time to part because Petunia needed to go kill Vernon so that she could marry Voldemort. (They didn't realize that this was necessary until just now).
She never came back but she wrote often….she said she was just looking for the right time to murder him.
Ten years passed. Harry was now 25 or so, Voldemort was not mortal, and Petunia was around 87.89765 (her birthday was coming). Voldemort had waited so long and finally Petunia was returning to him, only she had a little girl with her.
This little girl was VERY pale, red eyes, hair the exact color of Petunia's, and disgusting slits for a nose. This was Voldemort's daughter. He was a dad! This girl was more evil than him! SHE was the one who got tired of Petunia's shaky hands, and she was the one who to the knife and killed Vernon! She was very magical, but Hogwarts wouldn't have her because she was evil and Petunia wouldn't allow it. Voldemort was happy with the girl, angry with Petunia (but not too angry because he didn't kill her, just changed her into a horse). He began to teach the daughter everything he knew. His spirits were back and he would finally kill Harry because now he had a family to live with and keep him company when he ruled the world. Oh, and Petunia never named the child, she was too scared, so Voldemort named her: Parsley Hayer Riddle. Don't ask ME why….he hasn't told me the reason yet. You'll find out in the next chapter.