Having Alex cross my mind today is bittersweet. It's both welcoming and disturbing. I hopelessly into her, and when she crosses my mind I smile. However, when I replay this morning's denial scene, my heart shakes a little. Sometimes I need to stop being a cocky ass, and just talk things out. What kind of reaction did I really think I was going to get with that. "..and you liked it." I'm shaking my head and people passing me on the street are starring at me strangely.
My arms are tired from carting this paperwork all over the city, but now that I've complied all of my information I feel like I can really get some work done. I think about how I can really concentrate now that I've had that afternoon ice coffee. Even if Alex drifts back into my mind, I have the power to push her back out again.
When I walk into the precinct, it's generally pretty quiet for a weekday afternoon. I walk in and the first thing I see is Alex. She's bending down, picking up a file that had fallen to the floor. She looks up for a moment, I give her a half smile and she looks back down. Almost embarrassed. I ignore the fact that she could use some help and drop my paperwork on my desk. I look over a few memo's Elliot's left on my desk and I see her stand out of the corner of my eye. Suddenly she becomes very still. I sense something's wrong but as I'm turning my head to ask her the problem she drops to the floor. The disgusting thud of her head hitting the precinct floor makes me jump and I drop my papers and rush over to her.
"Alex? Alex!" So many things race through my mind. I wonder, what on earth could be the cause of this? And why the hell isn't she answering?
"Alex, please sweetheart! Answer me! Alex! ALEX!" My voice is frantic and I'm shaking her shoulder and tapping her face. I hear something behind me and see Munch emerge from the bathroom. He spots us but before he can rush over I scream to him.
"Call a bus! Alex fell, hit her head and she's not responding!" Munch hesitated for a moment, to rubberneck the scene before I screamed for him to hurry. I turned back to Alex and shook her shoulders again. In that instant that she had fallen, the idea that she might be dead flashed through my mind. I knew that couldn't be the case, but trying to stay rational at this moment was becoming quite difficult. The longer she stayed unconscious the higher my anxiety rose.
After about a minute, Alex came to. She moaned as she tried to move.
"Alex, honey, are you okay? Can you hear me?" My questions are frantic and I'm dying for any words she can offer. I realize how scared I am and try to calm down.
"My head hurts." She tries to move and I pull my arms under hers and pull her up to sit.
"You need to sit up for me, okay? John called a bus. He had to, you were unconscious." She must hate doctor visits, don't we all. She closed her eyes as she leaned her forehead against my shoulder.
"How long?" Her voice cracked and her body shook hard. I tried to steady her but it didn't work.
"About a minute… a minute too long." I speak without thinking. She seems to appreciate the comment instead of feeling pressured by it.
Munch runs over with some water and hands it to me. I give it to Alex and I hear the medics come through the front door. I almost don't want to give her away to them. I want to sit here and nurse her back to health. I'm scared though, because I don't even know what's wrong with her. She seems so invincible, I just never thought I'd see the great Alexandra take a fall like that.
The medics take over with blood pressure machines and questions about health history and I step back out of their way. I feel helpless, confused and worked up. They roll a stretcher in and Alex tries to refuse it. The medics sense her stubbornness and two of them help her walk out to the lobby where she can retain some dignity. I follow them. I watch as though the two way mirror is between us but she knows I'm there. She turns her head slightly and gives me a weak smile before they lower the stretcher and help her on.
I'm sure it's nothing. I'm sure it's no big deal, but I've never felt so helpless before. Suddenly, Alex being a closet case, doesn't matter that much anymore.