Part Sixteen: Alex
I should be happier right now. I know deep down, that I should be more than grateful to be sharing a couch with Olivia. But… I'm not. It's not her at all. It's all these questions floating carelessly around in my head. What the fuck am I going to do?
As if she could hear my train of thought, I felt her hands pull tighter around me.
"You're not watching this are you?" She wasn't disappointed that I wasn't watching the movie; she was upset because she knew I was inside myself.
"No," I answered her quietly. I decided in that instance that talking about it might do me some good. I turned my head and shifted my body to face her. My chin rested momentarily on her sternum and she smiled reassuringly at me. The warmth of our lazy bodies toasting my skin, making me really just want to curl up and nap. "I'm scared."
"I know." Olivia's face grew concerned. She wanted to defend me to the unsettlement inside but there was no physical way to do so.
"What happened to me Olivia? Where did this come from?" I didn't know what else to say.
"I don't know, but we can try to find out, if that's what you want." She drew her fingers slowly over my forehead and moved my hair. She treated me so fragile.
"I have a feeling you're going to dig up some nightmares."
A couple weeks has passed since I've been "seeing" Olivia. I guess that's what you'd call it anyway. We never really call it anything; except a good time, ha. But really, I love spending what little time I have, with her. Now that I'm back to work and she's off the desk there is little time for socializing. Well… unless you count the encounters in the women's locker room, or the bathroom, or the crib after hours. Okay, so we get some time in. She comes down to my office for lunch almost every day but I still can't get enough of her. My only fear is that someone might suspect something. I know what a taboo it is to date in the office. And a woman? Oh God, that would just go over great.
"Hey, lady." She comes through my office door and smiles at me and what was I thinking not a moment ago? Oh yes, the drama that our relationship would cause in public. Well, how can any of that matters when she smiles at me like that? Oh, she's flawless.
"To what do I owe this unexpected morning visit?" I ask lifting my left brow and giving her a wry smile.
"I wish it was pleasure sweetheart but it's business." My smile fades. I wonder if she's come to talk about the results of my blood work. I notice the package from the Medical Examiners office in her hand. Absent mindedly I lay my hand over my stomach. She walks up to me and takes it away.
"What is it Liv?" I almost don't want to know.
"Warner didn't find anything useful. Only that, if you have this baby, it will be healthy. Your tox-screen is clear."
"Well I suppose that's good news."
"How have you been feeling?" Olivia's voice was gentle and concerned.
"Besides being drowned in paperwork and not having enough hours in the day I suppose I'm doing the same as always." She only offered a sideways smile to that. "But you're here. You've done so much for me Liv, I wish I could do something for you."
She laughed, "Honey, you have no idea. You help me everyday. But let's not make this a mushy visit, I have to get back down to the precinct to deal with a guy we just collared for four date rapes."
"Sounds like a good time." I roll my eyes.
"Always." She looks at me and kisses me goodbye before dropping Warner's file on my desk.
I'm almost nine weeks along and I think I see a bump but I could just be imagining it. Or it could be all those Italian dinners Olivia keeps taking me out to. Not that I mind, the food is great and the desert is even better, ha ha.
Anyway, I should be doing work. I have so much to be filing. It's easy to get lost in this stuff. For me anyhow. It isn't until my phone rings four hours later that my mind is brought back to Olivia. Her voice is calm on the other end of the phone but it's an unsettling calm. Like a storm is about to hit and the silence is eerie and cold. She always sounds this way after interrogating a suspect for more than two hours. Now they need me down there to either crack a deal or get some information. I tell her I'll see her soon and her voice lifts at that. I hang up and pull my paperwork together in a hurry. I toss it in my briefcase and head for the door.