Disclaimer: I am poor and own nothing. And because I'm poor, this is my only source of entertainment, so please do not sue.
Authors Note: Sorry for the wait. Writers block and all. Hope you enjoy it. Thank you all for your wonderful reviews.
Lunawolf – Yeah pretty painful. And then stupid me doesn't wait till it's completely healed to get back in the pool. Oh well, you live you learn and maybe someday I will. Well I am glad you enjoyed it. I understand how your emotions are. Mine do that once a month as well. Damn those hormones. I am glad you liked Lucan, I wanted to make him sweeter than most little boys. Mostly because of what he's been through in his short life. I have to agree with you there. I'd be a lot bitchier with men as well. Especially while writing chapter seventeen. Thanks for reviewing.
LANCELOTTRISTANBABY – Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reviewing.
Tracy137 – Okay I don't know what you called me but it didn't sound nice! I do know the daftie part, and we already established that yes I am one and I thought I got it from my adopted older sister? ;o) And I don't want to be that good a writer that it upsets those I know and like. The rest of the world, most definitely. Yes, Tristan is going to be her rock, and the boys are rather sweet aren't they? And don't you wish all men were like the Tristan in my head? I know I do. Would make me happier with the world. LOL! We're in agreement then because I loves me fluff as well. (Hence why nothing you write is ever too fluffy for me!) I am sorry your head was hurting when you read it though. Hopefully it feels better today. Don't make me send Dag to break down that migraine!
Lilstrummrgrl527 – Wow sounds like you were having one of my days. I'm so glad you thought Lucan was sweet as well. I wanted to make him sweeter than most little boys because of what he's been through and that has made him realize how special everyone in his life is, especially Hayley and Dagonet who were good enough to adopt him. I've never met a little boy that sweet over the age of 3 either. Yeah Arthur takes his sweet time don't he? The funny thing is this is the first story I've ever written where everyone didn't just jump all over each other…LOL! I get what you mean about Tris and Mariska, don't worry. And I get what you mean about the other knights. They're not going to be acting so much like typical drunken males for a while. And I don't hate you for crying. Hopefully they were good tears though. I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for reviewing.
TriGemini – Mariska does trust Tristan above all others, not just seems to. He makes her feel safe where no one else has been able to. All her life it's been up to her, and now that he's in it, she feels comfortable enough to relax and lean on him when she needs to. Thanks for reviewing.
Greenday11 – Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reviewing.
REK – Glad you enjoyed it so much. Isn't that scout just wonderful? Thanks for reviewing.
Snape's Opera Rose – Yeah, the Saxon's in my stories are always worse aren't they? Whose names are you referring to? Lucan will have a baby sibling. I know I'm evil. Thanks for reviewing and I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.
Galasriniel – Trust me I am the last one to be picky on spelling. So I really wouldn't worry about it. Thank you for your kind words. I've known several people who were raped as well, and they all handled it differently but the emotional upset and fear was always present. I am sorry for your friend though. At least she's worked through it. And I'm glad you like Arthur and Jasmine together! Thanks for reviewing.
HyperSquishy – Glad you enjoyed it all! Thanks for reviewing.
Newsieskane – I am so glad you're finding so much enjoyment out of my little story here. I don't know about you, but I wish I could find a guy as great as I've made Tristan in this. Even I'm falling in love with him. Thank you so much for reviewing.
Cardeia – It most definitely took a few days to recover from it. I had to withdrawal myself from it completely and start working on my novel just to let my emotions even out. I'm glad it was well worth it though. Mariska's in an interesting situation right now. So much has happened at once, and the stress and pain, which has accumulated over the years has overwhelmed her, which isn't helping her current situation. It helps Mariska that she has such a caring, supportive family around her, which will help to pull her through it. Well I'm glad I was able to capture him without making it seem too off the wall. His character development in the movie makes it extremely difficult to find him love! Even he and Guinevere did not have the really passionate romance and love in the film that they are said to have had in the legends, which doesn't help. I am glad you enjoyed the chapter though and as always thank you for your thoughts.
Skyler McAndrews – I'm always glad to see a new face on the review board. Thank you so much for your kind words and I am so glad you're enjoying my little yarn here. Thank you again for reviewing and please feel more than free to do it again.
KT - Wow, I really don't know what to say to this. Thanking you just doesn't seem to be enough. Writers strive to touch people in a way, as I've obviously been able to touch you with my story and yet they very rarely find out if they achieve that. Thank you so much. You have no idea what your kind words meant to me. I've never been thanked for existing before, actually quite the opposite, so you've really made me feel good today. I cannot thank you enough for that. Readers like you are the reason that I continue to post here.
Elfvamp 1-13-97 – Anytime it's less than a month or two I think I'm doing pretty good.
JadeNaitsuki/MoonMaiden-of-Gawain – Hello you! Glad to know you're reading this one as well. And I really don't mind that you're printing it off to read. I've done that more than once, so I can reread parts I just love. And since you're not on the computer much it makes sense. So by all means, however you wish to read it, so long as you're enjoying it, that's all I care about. LOL! Loved your second review. Made me laugh. Glad you were so happy with chapter 17. Made me feel loved for that. And I'm glad you're happy with all the couples as well as Tristan and Arthur. Thanks for reviewing!
Lexa Moon – Love the new screen name, very cool. Sorry for the wait, it gave me some trouble.
The Priestesses of Avalon
Chapter Nineteen: The Journey Begins
That night Mariska was plagued by horrible nightmares, and visions of her attackers. Her screams immediately had Tristan up and shaking her awake, trying desperately to ease her suffering. They also woke the other knights and Priestesses, who rushed from their sleeping quarters and gathered in the doorway, watching the couple in worry.
"Mariska, wake up," Tristan kept repeating, shaking her harder as her screams continued on. "You are safe!"
"The journey has begun," Merlin said quietly from behind the large group, all spinning in shock to see him standing there, his eyes saddened.
Finally Tristan leaned over and whispered into her ear, "Mariska, come back to me my Mariska."
Almost immediately she quieted, whimpering as she opened her eyes, tears springing to them before she threw her arms about Tristan's neck, clinging tightly to him.
He sighed and ran his hand soothingly over her hair, whispering nothings to her as she calmed down, motioning for the others to leave the room. It took a few moments, and many insistences from the girls that they intended to stay, but eventually their men managed to persuade them out into the hall, closing the door softly behind them. In the hall Esmeralda turned on Merlin, anger and frustration in her eyes.
"There must be something else we can do for her! This is madness, leaving it as it is! Surely it will kill them both," she exclaimed adamantly, clenching her fists at her sides and stomping her foot on the ground.
"What do you purpose child?" Merlin asked, open to any ideas. He hated to see his granddaughter suffer so, and he wasn't too fond of what was to come for the scout as well, in the days ahead for this was only the beginning. He liked the young man, as he was good for Mariska.
"I don't know something! Mariska would do something," she mumbled the last part, turning and snuggling against Lancelot, looking sadly at the floor.
"Well until we know just what happened to her there is aught else we can do," Jasmine spoke up, resting her head on Arthur's shoulder, her arms about his waist and his about her shoulders. "She said that she was raped and beaten, but there is more to it than that."
"Did you see something Jas?" Hayley asked, leaning back against Dag's chest, his arms about her waist and her hands resting over top his own. They had told Lucan to return to bed when Mariska had begun screaming as he had run out into their room, telling him to not worry. They knew that they would have to comfort the boy when they returned to the rooms, but first they had to attend to this.
"Aye. A shadow was by her side, one that I have not seen for many years. I saw it in my mind when we were looking for the cave, and I saw it once again when we arrived, fading as you and Tristan reached her side," she spoke knowingly.
"A shadow?" Galahad asked confused, looking to Gawain who merely shrugged.
"A shadow of the dead," Hayley explained. "It is how Jasmine refers to spirits." The two men nodded in understanding as Esmeralda asked the next question that was on everyone's minds.
"Who was it?"
Jasmine took a deep breath, steadying herself before she whispered the name, "Master Woo."
"What?" Hayley and Esmeralda asked together, shock in their voices.
"He was standing with her on both occasions. In the vision he was whispering into her ear, and in the other his hand was on her shoulder. And when he took it away, that was when she began to sob," Jasmine answered quietly.
"So what does this mean?" Galahad asked, he and the other knights not exactly understanding what the sisters were speaking of. "And who is Master Woo?"
"Master Woo was our tutor," Hayley explained yet again, being the one present with the most patience. "Mariska looked up to him as if he were her father and strove to be the best student because of that. Always moving forward, taking the lead for us. He saw great strength in her, as did Sonia. If he felt it necessary to be at her side, then something else must have happened, if not to her body then to her mind."
"What happened to him?" Dag asked quietly, not sure that he really wanted to know the answer.
"He died in his sleep. Mariska found him," Esmeralda answered curtly, snuggling closer to Lancelot. "Can you not find out what happened Jas?"
"No not completely," Jasmine answered with a defeated sigh. "I only see shadows of the past, and dreams of the future. And I can follow the paths of the Fates to see what is coming now, but I cannot speak directly to the dead for that you need…" her voice trailed off.
"Mariska," Hayley finished for her. "Or at least, before the deal was struck. Now I do not know how she would speak to them."
"Should we send for Sonia perhaps?" Arthur asked, wanting more than anything to find a way to help Mariska, and to ease his Jasmine's worry. For she was very much his now. "Is there anything that she could do?"
"Nay our numbers are too small, and the ones left at the temple are not nearly as experienced. It would be unwise to leave it so pitifully unguarded," Jasmine said with a sigh.
"Besides, there is aught that Sonia could do that we could not," Hayley agreed. "We are the closest of her family now. That must be enough."
"Come then it is late, and you must get some rest," Dagonet said, taking his wife by the waist. "And there is aught we can do here tonight."
"Should we maybe stay? In case they need us?" Esmeralda asked, still worried about her sister inside the room.
"Galahad and I will stay, you all go get some sleep," Gawain offered, Galahad nodding eagerly at his side.
"Dagonet is right, and if the two of you are to stay, then there is really no more that can be done," Arthur agreed. "We will return after daybreak and see if they need anything and you will fetch us if they do before that." The two men nodded vigorously in agreement.
"Yes, we must sleep Esmeralda, if we are to do her any good," Hayley agreed, rubbing the youngest woman's back.
"Come Essy," Lance said, taking her gently by the waist and arm, leading her back towards their room.
"I just feel so helpless Lance. I know not what to do for her," she murmured softly, tears pricking her eyes.
"I know. I feel it too," he assured her, closing the door silently behind them and leading her to bed. The rest of the knights and ladies wandering off as well, leaving Gawain, Galahad and Merlin sitting outside the door.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Meanwhile, behind Tristan and Mariska's door, the scout was feeling much the same. Helpless. Mariska was clinging to him, trembling, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. He pulled her into his lap and tried to soothe her, holding her close against his chest, leaning forward to murmur nothings into her ear while he rocked her slowly, knowing no other way to calm her.
Gradually she began to quiet, her arms snaking up about his neck, her head coming to rest on his shoulder, the tears gone and her body calming. He rested his back against the headboard, keeping her held firm to his body, stroking her hair as finally she lay still, her eyes staring blankly ahead.
"What did you dream?" he asked in a quiet voice, thinking that perhaps if she told him, it would leave. Vanora had always said that was what happened with dreams. As soon as you told someone you never had them again.
Mariska closed her eyes tightly shaking her head and snuggling closer to him.
"It may help," he tried, but still she refused. "Very well," he continued to stroke her hair for a few more moments before moving his hand down to rub her back. He would not push her.
"Tristan…" she said after a moment, her voice soft and quiet, reminding him of a child's after waking from a nightmare, and they are too terrified to see if the monster is beneath the bed or not, so they fetch their father or mother to do it for them.
"Aye?"
"I am sorry I woke you," she said, her voice almost sheepish as she clung to him.
He leaned over and kissed the top of her head, wrapping his arms about her and pulling her even closer against his body, so that no light could be seen between them even if it wished to be. "You need not apologize for that. You can wake me any time."
She nodded slowly; her fingers moving absentmindedly over his chest, tracing the scars, as was her way, and for a moment Tristan could pretend that they were normal. That they had just woken up because Galahad and one of the barmaids had come drunkenly down the hall, making enough noise to wake the dead, and now they were settling back to sleep and nothing bad had come to them. It was a nice fantasy while it lasted.
"Tristan…"
"Um?"
"I am afraid to go to sleep just yet…will you sit up with me?"
Without a word, Tristan sat up and leaned forward, lighting the candle next to the bed before sitting back again, pulling the pelts about them as he began drawing small circles on her shoulders with his fingers. She smiled a bit, it never reaching her eyes as she lay across his chest, her eyes still staring ahead.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
She didn't fall asleep until about two hours before dawn, and since it was already near morning, Tristan did not bother trying to sleep at all, instead opting to sit and watch her closely, holding her tightly against his chest. And so, as the sun streamed through their window about half an hour after the it had risen, he was wide-awake to hear the soft knock on the door.
Quirking an eyebrow he looked down at her, noting not for the first time that morning, with a grave feeling in his heart, that her face no longer looked peaceful while she slept. Gently detangling himself from her tight grip, he rested her on the bed and rose, pulling on his tunic as he went, opening the door to see Lucan, a good chunk of Bors bunch and half the children of the fort standing in the hallway with bunches of flowers in their hands. Gawain was smirking down at them as Merlin smiled, and Galahad lay sleeping, curled up on the floor.
"What's this eh?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the doorframe, regarding them with his normally passive face, although the adults in the hall saw the smirk in his eyes.
Lucan and Gilly, who had been deemed the small army's commanders, stepped forward, Lucan clearing his throat to speak. "Well…unc…Tristan," he began, unsure if he could call the legendary scout uncle or not. "We know that Mariska is sad right now, and we thought we would bring her some flowers to cheer her up."
It was here that the youngest of Bors group that was able to walk, a large eyed three-year-old girl, stepped forward. "See Uncie Tristam?" she held her hands out towards him, so he could get a better look at them. "Pwetty. They make her smile."
The little girl was too much for Tristan, and he broke out into a wide grin, startling most of the children. He knelt down to her level and examined the blooms closely. "Yes, they will," he agreed, before rising. "Let me wake her and you can bring them in."
He turned and entered the room closing the door for a moment and walking over to the bed, where Mariska still lay, her face wrinkled in fear and sadness while she slept and dreamt. Sighing, knowing she needed the rest, and also that if he let it go on much longer she would wind up waking up screaming once more and scaring the children. So he knelt down and ran his finger slowly down the bridge of her nose, something he often did to wake her.
Slowly her face relaxed and then her eyes fluttered open, alarm, confusion and eventually realization flashing quickly across them before she offered him a small smile. "Have I slept long? I still feel so tired…"
"Nay, no more then two hours, but you have visitors," he said, helping her to sit up in the bed.
"Visitors?" she asked curiously. "I know it was a very bad thing, but I do not see my sisters rising so early because of it…"
"Good, because it is not your sisters," he answered rising and helping her to stand, watching her closely. "You may wish to get dressed first."
"Why? Who is it?" she asked, walking over to where one of her dresses lay draped across the chair, the one she had been wearing the day before having been thrown into the fire by her own hand. She never wished to set eyes on that dress again. She pulled it on quickly, motioning for Tristan to tie the laces at the back while she held her hair up off her neck.
"You'll see," he said with a ghost of a smile, finishing with the laces, having pulled on his own pants and boots over the britches he normally slept in while she had found the dress. He walked across the room and waited until she was standing in the middle, looking curiously at the door, before throwing it open to reveal the horde of children.
"Oh my!" she gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth as the children all came slowly into the room, flowers in their hands. "What's this?"
"We knew you were sad…" Gilly began, becoming shy before the great priestess.
"And we thought these would make you feel better Aunt Mariska," Lucan finished for him, walking forward and handing the flowers to her before hesitating, unsure what to do next.
"What is it Lucan?" Mariska asked, smiling softly down at him, the old Mariska surfacing for a moment.
"Mother said that mayhap it would not be a good idea to hug you right now…" he said after a moment. Tristan looked up and watched Mariska closely.
She grimaced, but quickly masked it and knelt before him, wrapping her arms about him. A relieved look washed over his face as he hugged her back tightly. "You must never fear to hug me Lucan. Nor any of you for that matter," she added to the others."
Quickly they converged on her, each child wrapping their arms about her as best they could, with the entire herd of them there. She tensed for a moment, a brief wave of panic washing over her at being so crowded and Tristan moved forward. She shook her head though and took a deep breath, smiling as the children each began speaking at once, telling her they wished her to be better quickly, that they loved her and she should not worry; they would bring her flowers as long as it took.
She could not help but laugh at all their comments and declarations, and Tristan was delighted to see it reached her eyes, and he was glad to see that it gave him hope.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
About a fortnight later however, Tristan's hope was dwindling as he sat at a table in the tavern, his head in his hands and bags under his eyes. Esmeralda, Hayley, Vanora and Jasmine had come earlier and convinced Mariska to join them in the baths, promising her that all men would be kept away, Arthur going as far as to post guards outside the doors, and place up signs, prohibiting their use until the girls were finished.
Tristan was grateful for the break this provided him, and had been glad when she had finally been convinced to go. The past two weeks had given him a new perspective on Arthur's hell, and quite frankly, he was glad he wasn't a Christian at that moment.
She had not slept straight through the night these past two weeks, and Tristan had only managed to catch a few hours here and there. He was certain that if she would just talk of her dreams, then she could move past them, but she refused. Actually, she said very little anymore, spending most days staring out the window, her head resting against his chest and her hands gripped tightly to his arm. And as much as he enjoyed holding her, he missed her. It was as if she had gone away on a quest and left a stranger in her body and he had no way of bringing her back home to him.
He sighed again and ran his hands over his face, noting that he needed his beard trimmed and his hair cleaned thoroughly. Perhaps he would make a quick stop by the baths and soak for a few moments when the girls had finished. They had assured him that they would keep her the whole day, giving his mind as much peace as they could. It was something they did every few days, those that they could talk her into it that was, letting him tend to himself then. That sounded like a nice idea. He would do that before meeting Merlin to collect the herbs the old man had gone to retrieve. He was sure they would help her sleep through the night, giving them both the rest they direly needed.
It would be nice to have a night to where he could just hold her and sleep as they had used to do. Before her abduction had left a shadow over her heart and her mind. He folded his arms in front of him and sank his head down on top of them, closing his eyes. Perhaps the bath could wait another day.
He did not move as he felt the other settle about him, hoping that perhaps they would just go away and leave him be. Let him sleep a bit. Merlin could find him here, he had the other day had he not? Unfortunately, the scout had no such luck.
"Tristan, you awake?" Bors asked, poking him hard in the arm.
He raised his head then, and merely glared at the other man in response, noting off handedly that Lancelot was not among them.
Bors ignored it and moved a plate of food in front of him. "Van made it special for ya. Cooked some apples up and everything," he said handing him a fork.
It was then that Tristan's stomach began to growl, smelling the hot food before him and remembering why he had come into the tavern in the first place. He nodded in thanks before digging in, the other men watching him closely as he devoured the food before him.
After giving him a few minutes to eat, Arthur spoke, his hand resting on the table before him, tracing at one of the cracks in the wood. "How is she Tristan?"
Tristan looked at him closely for a long moment, chewing his food, his face impassive as always but a world of hurt in his eyes as he thought on how exactly she was. "Same," he muttered taking another bite.
"When is Merlin due back with the herbs?" Dagonet asked quietly.
"Today. Had to go to the temple to get them. Vigdis wouldn't leave," Tristan answered, his eyes now trained on his rapidly diminishing food.
"The children still bringing the flowers?" Gawain asked, unsure what else to say. He could see his friend was hurting over what was happening with his woman, but the blonde knight did not know how to help ease that pain.
"Aye," Tristan actually smirked at that. "Less now though."
"Van had a talk with 'em after she saw how full the room was. Said you couldn't hardly fit a finger in their for all the flowers," Bors smirked slightly.
"Aye. But they make her smile," Tristan said, his face falling into impassiveness once more.
"Has she told you the dream yet?" Galahad asked. "My mum always said if you talked about a dream it would go away. I remember that."
"That was Vanora," Gawain stated causing the younger man to flush a little.
"No my mum said it too. I remember because I dreamed a dragon had ate my horse and she said so long as I told her it would go away…" his voice trailed off. It was a silly dream to be scared of now, but he'd only been a child when he'd had it, and it was one of the only memories of his mother he had left.
"Nay, she won't talk about it. Just shakes and looks away…" his voice trailed off as he finished the last apple on his plate, letting the fork clatter down. After a moment he rose to leave, the other knights following suit.
"Shouldn't you go get some sleep?" Dagonet asked concerned.
"Or perhaps the baths, I'm sure the girls are about finished," Galahad said. "Relax a little."
"I have much to do," Tristan said, shaking his head, realizing that he still had to tend to throwing out the dead flowers in their rooms and the million other things he had to do before she returned. That trip to the baths just wasn't going to happen today…
"Let us do them for you then," Bors said, placing a hand on the scouts shoulder, stopping him and causing him to turn to face them again. "Your not in this alone you know."
"He's right Tristan," Arthur stepped forward. "Why don't you take a ride and then spend some time in the baths. We can handle the rest."
It was a tempting offer. He had not been out of the fort for two weeks and his horse could use the ride. There was only so much Jols could do with her in the stables, and she would let no one try and ride her outside the fort. But there was so much to do, and sometimes the girls could not persuade her to stay with them all afternoon. If he were gone, it would worry her. No it best he stayed. He was about to say as much to the King when Arthur's hand came to rest on his other shoulder.
"Do not make me command you to do so Tristan," he said softly, understanding in his eyes. "Tell us what needs done, and Jasmine was already going to tell her you went for a ride today. Lancelot will ride with you so she does not worry. He's already at the stables, having Jols prepare your horse."
Tristan looked at them for a long moment, knowing he was beat and a part of him feeling grateful for it. He nodded in thanks before giving them a quick breakdown of all that needed done and heading for the stables. A good ride was just what he needed, but first he had to make one quick stop.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Meanwhile in the baths, the four women sat in the warm water, gossiping and chattering about nothing while Mariska sat off to the side, silent, moving her hands slowly in the water, watching the ripples the movement created on the surface. Vigdis sat nearby, cocking her head as she watched her mistress closely, never far from her side. After a few more minutes of watching Mariska do this Vanora sighed, wadding over and sitting on the bench next to her.
"What's on your mind lass?" she asked gently, moving a hair from Mariska's eyes and looking at her closely, the other women moving a bit closer as well.
"It will help Mariska it will," Jasmine encouraged.
"Tell us what is troubling you," Hayley all but pleaded with her. Not knowing what to do was not something that came often to these women, and the feeling right now was unnerving them greatly.
"Is it the dreams?" Esmeralda's voice was small as she spoke, wishing that Mariska would just say something…anything.
All while they spoke she merely kept shaking her head no, her face scrunching up to try and fight the tears that were threatening to fall.
"Mariska you will never get through this if you do not talk!" Esmeralda stated, thoroughly exasperated with her. "Why must you be so stubborn!"
"Because it is my burden to bear," she answered softly, looking down at her hands that were resting above the water.
"It is not your burden," Vanora said. "It is something dreadful that happened to you, but you need not feel alone with it."
"We are here for you my sister, but you must let us be," Hayley agreed, taking one of Mariska's hands into her own.
Still Mariska shook her head, pulling her hands away and holding them close to her chest, looking about for her dress so that she could leave. She did not wish to be here with them any longer.
"What did Master Woo tell you?" Jasmine asked after a moment, sensing that she was about to leave, stopping Mariska in her tracks and causing all the other women to look over at the Priestess in shock. Her eyes were glued on Mariska's and her voice, albeit quiet, booked no room for argument.
"How did you…" she began but was quickly cut off.
"What did he tell you?" Jasmine's blank eyes found hers and bore into them in an almost eerie fashion, unwavering.
The women all knew in their heart's that if Mariska looked away then all was lost, and begged the Goddess for her to not look away. To their shock, she didn't, but instead held Jasmine's gaze and answered quietly, "That I would not be master."
"He always told you that. What else?"
"That I was acting as a dog does, running from it's abusive master."
"What did he say you were running from?"
"Jasmine please…"
"What?"
"I do not wish to…"
"WHAT?"
"I will not be bullied!"
"Tell us or I swear to you I will beat it out of you!"
"Jasmine!" Hayley hissed, only to have Esmeralda and Vanora silence her.
For a moment they saw the old Mariska flash in her eyes.
"That would be the day, you beating something out of me," Mariska snorted, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring over at her friend. It was then a large wave of water came, splashing her in the face and sending her hair dripping in front of her eyes. Huffing she parting the hair, looked fiercely over at Jasmine, the blind womans hands already poised to splash her again.
"What are you so afraid of that you still run now?" she ground out, her white eyes seeming to flash.
"I am not afraid of anything!" Mariska growled, her own green gems sparkling.
"Then tell us what he said you are running from!"
"MY PAIN IF YOU MUST KNOW!" she bellowed, looking angrily over at Jasmine. "He said I needed to embrace my pain and release my anger at myself if I was ever to survive. So I did."
"Why did you not wish to tell us?" Hayley asked her blue eyes glistening as she placed a hand gently on Mariska's arm.
"Because I embraced my pain, and now I cannot let it go…" Mariska whispered, the tears springing to her eyes. "It is there, all the time, eating at my soul and I cannot escape it, even in my dreams I…" she choked back a sob, moving to one of the stone benches and pulled her legs to her chest, hugging them close. She needed Tristan right then.
"Tell us about the dream," Esmeralda said. "What happens in it?"
Before Mariska could say no Vanora spoke up. "Aye, tell us. It will go away if you do."
"I don't think I can," she said in a small voice, the tears falling like rain on top of the pool of water.
"Talk," Jasmine said firmly, trying to maintain her control. This was usually the role that Mariska had, and Jasmine almost felt like a small boy, tramping about the house in his fathers boots. She was more easy going usually than this, but it had to be done, for all their sakes.
"Okay, but please not here…" she looked about. "Somewhere outside? I need to feel the Mothers love right now."
"Of course," Hayley said.
They got out of the baths and dressed quickly, Jasmine and Vanora taking Mariska by the arms and leading her out of the door, Vigdis flying out just before them. They exited and bumped right into Tristan, who had come to find them.
As soon as she saw him, her arms were about his neck, hugging him close as his wrapped about her waist, kissing her temple and hugging her tightly, looking at the other women over her shoulder. He had noticed the distressed look on her face almost immediately when he came up, and looking at them now, he could see that they all looked sad and yet filled with hope.
"How do you always know when I need you?" Mariska murmured into his ear, her voice fresh with tears, but her eyes drying as he held her.
"Are you well?" he asked, pulling back to brush some damp hair from her face.
"Better now," she smiled softly up at him, her arms staying about his neck. "Where you looking for me?"
"Aye. Arthur wishes me to ride out with Lancelot for a quick run," at seeing the fear in her eyes he quickly added "I will be back in time for dinner. Unless you need me to stay here."
Mariska thought for a moment. It was so tempting to ask him to stay. They could go back to the room and he could hold her and she would have a way out of facing her sisters questioning and having to re-live that horrible nightmare while awake. But then a thought occurred to her. He had not been away from the fort, or from her side really, in two weeks. That was too much to ask of him.
"I will be fine," she assured him, looking up into his eyes and bringing her hands to rub her thumbs over his tattoos, his staying about her waist. "Enjoy your ride."
She tried to smile, but it did not quite reach her eyes. He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Are you sure?"
"Yes go, have fun," she leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed his lips gently. "Grandfather is supposed to return today, and I would like to sit with him anyway. And the girls wish my company," she was trying very hard for him and it showed.
He leaned forward and kissed her again, it deepening for the first time since they had returned home, the women taking it as a good sign. He broke it quickly before it got out of hand. "I will be back soon," he promised, resting his forehead against her own as he spoke.
"Promise?" her voice wavered slightly.
"I swear it."
"Good, then off with you," she held him a moment longer though before letting go, bringing her hands to cross over her chest. He caressed her cheek before walking towards the stables.
"Come then, let us go and talk," Jasmine said, taking her by the arm again, the women leading her out towards the large tree, just to the north of the wall, her favorite one close by, all the while as she kept turning her head back to glance at his retreating form.
Authors Note: Another emotionally exhausting chapter! I don't see this lasting much longer as I don't think I could take the strain of writing it. Sorry for the wait. I'm working on a novel and my mom wanted me to write more for her to read, so I was distracted by that. Hope it was worth the wait though and that it came out alright.
Look for her dream in the next chapter as well as Lancelot and Tristan's ride. I'm looking at it like this, we all deal differently and our friends get used to how we handle problems. As Tristan's not much of a talker, their trying to help him by finding him away to do what helps him cope the best. Same goes for Mariska and the girls. Esmeralda knows she needs someone to challenge her, and decided to be the one to step up to the plate. Hope I got that across.