Disclaimer: I am poor and own nothing. And because I'm poor, this is my only source of entertainment, so please do not sue.
Authors Note: Enjoy guys.
Galasriniel – Sorry for the suspense. But again, it was a hard chapter to write. I did try to get it up a lot quicker though. You get the dream here. Hopefully it all makes sense to everyone. Thanks again for you review.
Snape's Opera Rose – Don't worry, wouldn't do that to the lug. You get his reaction here though to the fact that he scares her. The healing process really begins in this chapter. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reviewing.
Tracy137 – Well, I don't know what else to say that I haven't already privately. Glad you enjoyed it though. Hopefully this still all makes sense with what she's dealing with and part of what I see her problem as being, besides just what has happened to her. And we get to see Tristan making a stand for her own good. Hopefully you enjoy it. Took some time to write. Thanks as always for reviewing and for sticking it out with me sis. And I wouldn't do that to Gawain. Which reminds me, you never answered my question as to whether or not you wanted him? Come one, prime quality meat there! LOL. Let me know because I feel bad for the big lug to be without a woman to keep him in line, and to make sure he has an out away from the whininess that is Galahad.
HyperSquishy – Have faith in me. That's all I can say. Thanks for reviewing.
Elfvamp1-13-97 – funny thing was, couldn't share that until I knew. And I didn't know until it came to me at my friend's house (fortunately I was prepared with my laptop). You'll find that out in the next chapter. All I can say is have faith in me. No one ever has faith in me. Thanks for reviewing.
Greenday11 - Good interesting I hope. Here's your update. Enjoy and thanks for reviewing. Sadly for everyone, I still don't see an ending for this story yet.
TriGemini – Have faith in me that's all I can say. And this is the ultimate of the healing chapters. After this one things will be looking up. Thanks for reviewing.
MoonMaiden-of-Gawain – Thank you so much for paying such close attention to all the details. Makes me feel less insane that I was the only one making the connections that were maybe not there. Although since I put them there, I would hope I'd eventually see them. LOL, you are very welcome by the way. I'm just glad you're not questioning about the baby. I mean, come on, how cruel would I be to do otherwise? Again, cookies for you! And a cardboard cutout of Tristan as well!
Newsieskane – You get the dream in all its glory here, if you can call it glory. I'm glad you're enjoying this so much. Makes me glad I decided to write it. Thanks for reviewing.
AngelTears1328 – I take it you are a Lance fan then? Who could blame you! So dreamy. Glad to see a new face on the review board, makes me smile. Thank you so much for reviewing. Hope you enjoy the Lance and Esmeralda bits here as well.
Cardeia – I know you didn't review proper, but I wanted to thank you for your mini one in the reply to my review of Dust Devils. I don't know that it was my best, but then I never think anything is my best so that could be why. Hopefully you enjoy this chapter full as much and work eases off for you so you can enjoy your spa trip.
The Priestesses of Avalon
Chapter Twenty-One: Dreams
Later that evening the women sat gathered with the knights and the King, only Mariska and Tristan missing from their meeting. There was a somberness to the air about the great round table as they awaited Merlin's arrival. He had went to see Mariska and Tristan before coming to the conference.
Arthur held Jasmine's hand in his, bringing the knuckles absentmindedly to his lips, kissing them gently. About the room the women clung a bit closer to their men, tears still in their eyes as they waited for the old shaman. As if on cue, he made his way into the room, his walk betraying his age and his worry.
"How is she?" Hayley asked, her hands clenching Dagonet's on top of the table, leaning heavily on her husband as he kept his arm about her shoulders.
"Same," he answered, sinking into his chair. "We gave her the herbs. Now we can only hope she sleeps. They are both desperate for it."
"What were you lot able to gather?" Bors asked, glancing over at Vanora who was clinging tightly to his arm, kissing her head and murmuring a gentle, 'there there pet,' as the women exchanged a glance.
"The dream, it is worse than we suspected. She is not just reliving the event, but so much more is happening to amplify it," Esmeralda sighed, sinking back further into Lancelot's lap, resting her head against his shoulder. "It is no wonder she suffers."
"She's afraid of Gawain as well," Vanora spoke up, the fair-haired knight looking startled.
"Me? Why would she fear me?" he asked, his face a mask of worry and pain. He loved her as if she were his own sister and the thought of her fearing him broke his very heart.
"Not you per say," Hayley said gently offering him a small smile. "It is just your hair. It reminds her of the Saxon's hair."
Gawain's hand immediately went to his hair, a pensive look on his face before he rose, walking determinedly towards the door. "Than I will fix that."
"Stop right there!" Jasmine said, holding a hand up in his direction. "Don't you dare cut your hair! She would never forgive herself."
"What do you mean?" Galahad asked, Gawain stopping and turning back to the table a confused look on his face.
"You're not going to tell them are you?" Hayley asked, a genuine smile actually coming to her lips.
"Indeed I am if it will stop him. We discussed, not long after I came here, all of you in detail. And she gave me a picture, in my mind of what you looked like. I was also able to come up with a better one as I touched each of you, the Fates giving me the vision. And we came to the decision that, should something happen to Arthur or Tristan, you were the next handsomest here. Your hair being the reason you were so set apart from the rest."
Gawain blushed scarlet while both Galahad and Lancelot looked slightly offended, and the other knights laughed at his discomfort. "Yes…well…"
"Best sit then," Van smirked at him, watching as he hurried back to his chair.
"But it was as if there were something else," Jasmine sighed, the somber air returning to the room, squeezing Arthur's hand and offering him a sad smile. "I could feel something else weighing down her soul."
Merlin and Arthur exchanged a glance before turning to his second in command. "Lancelot?"
The dark knight let out a deep sigh, twirling the wine in his goblet once, his other arm tightening slightly about Esmeralda's waist. "He feels as if she's left him. And he's helpless to bring her back. Not an easy thing to own up to for a scout. And worse, he feels as if he cannot save her from the demons within. The men that rape here every night in her dreams."
"Another hard thing for Tristan to come to terms with," Dagonet muttered, running a hand over his head.
Lancelot nodded in agreement, looking over at Arthur. "He has agreed to accept our help, but Arthur…he blames himself. I tried but could not convince him otherwise, and that guilt along with watching her suffer is eating away at him."
The king sighed, resting his cheek in his hand, one finger extended towards his ear, his thumb resting under his jaw, his other hand laced with Jasmines. "I was afraid of this. Merlin has news from Avalon as well."
At this all the Priestesses perked and looked towards the old man, a sad expression on his face. This news did not lighten his heart as he had hoped it would. "Both Sonia and I have seen the same. Mariska will bare a child," he sighed, agreeing with Arthur that it best they tell them all at once and as a family decide what needed done. "Sadly, neither of us knows whose child it is. Tristan's or…"
"Her attackers," Hayley shuddered, clutching Dagonet's hands tighter, leaning further into his embrace as he leaned over, kissing her temple and murmuring nothings into her ear to sooth her. Much the same happening with the other women and their men about the table.
"We do not know how to tell her, considering her possible reactions," Arthur sighed, dreading the part that was to come. The more he thought about it, the less he wished to put this kind of stress on Jasmine, especially now.
"Is there no way we can find out without asking her?" Esmeralda asked, looking worriedly about at the others.
"We were hoping that one of you would know something of use," Merlin began. "Or…" his voice trailed off, and Jasmine easily finished for him.
"Or I could ask the Fates," she said calmly, her blank eyes staring straight ahead at the others.
"Wait!" Vanora's head suddenly shot up. "I remember something. The night they took her, I was picking at her. Askin' her when her and Tris were gonna give us something to celebrate."
"What did she say Van," Esmeralda leaned forward in Lancelot's lap, her face as eager as everyone else in the room.
"That it would most likely be sooner than any of us thought," Van said, looking excitedly about the group. "Perhaps she knew something then."
"It is possible, but unlikely Van," Dag said sadly. "As badly as she was attacked."
"Not impossible if it were meant to be husband," Hayley shook her head adamantly. "If the Goddess wishes it then it is possible."
"Jasmine, will they tell you?" Esmeralda asked, all the others already looking to the blonde haired woman in anticipation, Arthur in worry.
She took a deep breath and released his hand, setting up straighter in the chair. "There is but one way to find out. And I need silence," she said, taking another deep cleansing breath and closing her eyes for a moment before opening them wide, a range of colors passing over the white as she began to let down the veil between the worlds.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
In the sleeping quarters, Tristan and Mariska had drifted off into a much-needed slumber. Tristan's induced by exhaustion, Mariska's by the same and the herbs Merlin had brought for her. To the casual observer they looked merely like the happy couple in love, Mariska cradled against Tristan, his arms tight about her waist, holding her to him and her head resting against his chest her arms folded and her hands resting at either side of her head. But their minds told a different tale. While Tristan' mind was plagued with the worries that normally haunted him in waking, Mariska's was the same as it had been for the past two weeks.
It was cold. It was always cold, and her body shivered involuntarily, snuggling closer next to Tristan as her mind began to plague her. She was in the cave again, deeper than they had taken her, the water dripping painstakingly slow down the walls, her bare feet covered in dirt and water, her thin dress clinging tightly to her body as she looked worriedly about her, hands reaching out from the walls. Dirty hands, hundreds of them all reaching for her. She moved quickly to get away from them, hugging herself tighter, her hair hanging in filthy curls about her face. Time seemed to stand still save for the hands. The hands never stopped moving.
Shuddering against the cold she moved forward quickly, trying to find some light. A way out of the eternal darkness that surrounded her, only giving enough light to illuminate the many Saxon hands reaching for her. The dress she wore was very familiar to her. It was the one she'd buried her husband and daughter in. A thin, black piece of material that covered every inch of her skin, including her hands, but was torn and battered now. Singed about the edges and falling off her thin frame. It was no surprise. She had thrown it into the flames of the hearth after they had been buried.
Moving forward she cringed, the hands brushing up against her ankles, clutching at her dress. To her right, screams sounded and she turned quickly to see Jasmine there, being pulled down the hall by two burly Saxon's. Now came the part she hated.
"JASMINE!" she screamed, going to run after her sister only to find her feet glued into place. Screaming sounded to her left then and she looked to see Hayley being hauled away, her dead baby being held by it's head by one of the men, the legs and arms dangling lifelessly as they moved, blood everywhere. Another scream behind her showed Vanora, the bodies of her children littering the walkway as she too was dragged off. And finally Esmeralda, screaming for help as she was being hauled down the path Mariska had been following.
It was then she was let go, her legs allowed to move, but which sister to save? For all four women were sisters to her now. Each time she chose a different sister, and each time a voice boomed, before she felt the sensation of falling, faster and faster until she would hit the ground hard, and then the dream would continue on. Today she chose Hayley, hoping the dream would end differently.
"WRONG CHOICE!"
Again, as it did every night, the floor disappeared from beneath her, sending her body tumbling to hit hard against the cold rock floor, her breath leaving her body as she hit. She groaned and picked herself slowly up, blood trickling from her forehead and into her eyes. Looking around slowly, her body trembling, she saw her next greatest fear. Arthur, standing there, a Saxon's blade to his throat and a pleading in his eyes. Next to him was Bors, blood pouring from a wound in his side and his eyes lulling back into his head, while Dag hung lifelessly from his wrists next to him, both with Saxon's at their sides, blades aimed to kill them. Groaning on the other side of the room brought her attention to Gawain and Galahad, in similar situations, both bloodied, and at the mercy of large burly Saxon's.
She rose as quickly as she could, but could not go to any of them, her feet held in place by the same dirty hands. Behind her a groan sounded and she whirled to see Tristan, the worse of all, his hair bloodied to the point that it dripped, a long gash across his forehead, his arms broken as he was crucified to the wall with his own arrows, his eyes pleading with her as they bore intently into her own.
And once again she was released, and once again it was her choice. Only this time, the choice was not a hard one. It was the same every time. She ran for Tristan and once again the voice boomed and the hands grabbed her, holding her in place.
"WRONG CHOICE!"
Only this time she did not fall. This time she was forced to watch them die. Each of them one by one, starting with the King and ending with her lover. The tears were falling freely now, and as Tristan's own blade slammed through his heart, sending his normally vivacious eyes into a darkness she could not handle, she screamed, in both the dream world and the next.
Tristan awoke with a start, cursing Merlin as Mariska screamed next to him, the nightly ritual returned with a vengeance. He shook her awake and once again found her clinging to him, sobbing uncontrollably.
"They lied. They said it would go away," she choked out between sobs, clutching at him for all she was worth. "They said I could just tell them and it would go away but it didn't."
"Enough of this," Tristan almost growled, pulling back from her and looking deeply into her eyes. Two weeks of this madness was all he could stand, and he wanted his woman back. The quick witted one that would stare him down and challenge him to the end. The one that clung to him in love alone, not fear for she knew she was able to defend herself if need be. "Tell me of the dream. Together we will discover how to make it leave."
"We cannot. Nothing works," she continued to sob, leaning towards him, but he held her firmly at arms length.
"Mariska this cannot go on. It will kill us both. Now tell me," his voice booked no room for argument.
She looked at him in shock for a moment before nodding, her sobs gently subsiding as she took a deep breath and began to speak, starting at the beginning, Tristan watching her intently, listening to every word.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
In the meeting hall, the knights watched in wonder as the colors finally stopped flashing before Jasmine's eyes, and they settled on their normal blue color. The color they had been before the Fates had stolen her sight. But while all they saw was Jasmine sitting before them, Jasmine saw something else entirely different.
Each of the men before her had long golden strings attached to them, and were surrounded by a pure white light. They were heroes. Men among men, and actually good. Merlin's light was a swirl of colors as were Esmeralda's and Hayley's, those tinted with the gift of magic. And Vanora's was the white as well, but softer, and when you looked towards her, you knew how heavily she carried a mothers touch. She took a moment to admire them, in a way only she could, before sending her spirit to follow those strings, all the way back to the cave of the Fates themselves.
She found them where she always did, their cauldron burning in the center of the large room, the three sisters who decided the end of all men and women alike, as well as what was to come forever at the task.
It was the youngest, Clothos, the spinner of the yarn of life who noticed her first, her head looking up with a start towards the young Priestess. "Look who has come," she said, nudging her sisters.
"You again?" Lachesis, middle sister and she who weaves the yarn into the lives of the people it is attached to asked with a smirk.
"You gave me this gift, I must use it," Jasmine smiled, walking further into the room. Some feared the Fates, did not wish to anger them, but she had always thought they had chosen her for a reason, and decided to treat them as if they were her family. With respect, love and a bit of teasing. "Wouldn't want it to go to waste."
"Oh yes, but perhaps we should have chosen another. One who does not pester so," Atropos smiled her crooked smile. She was eldest and the one who decided when the time had come for those individuals to leave one world for the other. She was the one who had struck the deal with Jasmine for Mariska's soul, but now it was Lachesis and Clothos that she had to see.
"You know you love me," Jasmine smiled warmly, coming to stand before the sisters. "But I must speak to you on a more serious matter. About my sister."
"Mariska again?" Lachesis asked.
"Lot of trouble that one is," Clothos added.
"Mayhap you should have given her to us," Atropos agreed.
"Please, while she does cause some harm with what she does, she is my friend and my sister," Jasmine said firmly. "Now please, why does she continue to suffer so?"
"Her suffering will end," Clothos began only to have Lachesis and then Atropos continue.
"When she discovers the proper choice."
"So you see, her suffering is of her own doing."
"But why was she taken and molested so? Did she truly deserve that?" Jasmine asked, growing a bit angry.
"Rule of threes must be applied."
"But Destiny is a tricky thing."
"She decides all, and we must all abide."
"Great, riddles," Jasmine muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. "Then tell me this, the child, is there a child?"
Clothos smiled. "Aye, a child does grow in her womb," here she began fingering the thread she had been working on lovingly. "A great babe who will do much good in their life."
"And the father, who is the child's father?" she turned to Lachesis who only smiled further.
"That is something I cannot say, for there is one who already knows the answer, though will not admit it."
"Who? Who knows?"
"The mother knows the father of the babe," Lachesis said happily.
"But be warned, for great strife is ahead for she will not believe that the babe is true," Atropos warned, her long gnarled finger sliding gently over the thread of Mariska's life.
Jasmine sighed, that could mean anything. She bowed low though, as was custom, and offered thanks for their help, leaving the sisters smiling, Atropos picking up her golden scissors, someone else destined to die, and snapping them across the thread. As it broke, Jasmine's eyes once again flashed many colors before returning to their unnatural white. She blinked and gazed about the room with her unseeing eyes for a long moment before sighing.
"There is a baby, as we knew. But they would not tell me the father," she leaned heavily back in her chair, Arthur moving forward in his and taking her hands, kissing the palms of them gently, rubbing his thumbs over her knuckles.
"Why not?" Esmeralda asked, more than a little confused by the Fates. But then again, that in itself was nothing new.
"Because, Mariska knows," was the quiet response as Jasmine leaned forward, resting her head on Arthur's shoulder, his arms going about her waist and pulling her into his lap, kissing her temple and cheek while she rested against him, exhaustion quickly washing over her.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
"And then I must watch you die, and I cannot bare it Tristan I cannot," Mariska was crying quietly now, hugging herself tightly as he sat before her, pondering the dream in his mind. "It breaks my heart each time. I have no control over any of it and it just destroys me."
Tristan's mind was lost in thought as he listened to her dream, running it over in his mind once more. To him the answer seemed obvious, but she could just not see it. "Yourself."
"What?" she looked up at him sharply a confused look on her face.
"You are supposed to save yourself. That is the choice you make wrong," he answered, his face emotionless as always as he gazed at her. "Each time you try to save a different of your sisters and each time you fail and are tested again. And each time you try and save me and once again you fail."
"I do not understand, how am I to let them and you perish and save myself?" she asked, her voice thick with tears that had yet to be shed.
"Because, you cannot save us until you save yourself," he answered simply. "If you are drowning, how are you to pull me from the water?"
Realization began to prick at her mind, but still she ignored it. "And how am I too save myself? There is no way out."
"Have you looked?" he asked gently. "Once you see your sisters, do you even look for a path out to save yourself?"
She thought for a moment before shaking her head. "No," she admitted, looking down at her hands. "They are always my first thought."
He captured her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. "Then tonight, when you go back to sleep and it comes to you again, as it always does, look for a way out. You have a good heart my Mariska, but in this case it is betraying you."
"I never thought it could," she admitted softly. She had been taught by her father to put others above yourself, and always had, and that had always done her good. Made her stronger she thought for it made her good and pure. Now it was that very thing driving her to insanity each night, and she could not see it until now. And she probably would not have, had it not been for Tristan.
He laid down and pulled her gently against him, kissing the top of her hair. "I would not change that about you. But you must in this case look to yourself first. You worry more about the others, and are thus confining yourself to your own hell."
"And you with me," she said sadly, wrapping her arms about his chest and hugging him tightly to her, her head resting on his shoulder.
"I would be no where else but by your side," he answered honestly, kissing her forehead, sighing internally. He was not surprised. He had been doing the same, and had not realized. It took his brothers pointing it out to him before he could show it to her. He had been placing her above all others including taking care of himself and he was feeling the effects, albeit, not as badly as she, but it was only a matter of time.
"I am still afraid to go to sleep," she admitted, looking sheepishly up at him.
"You mustn't, for am I not always here when you awaken?" he asked, looking at her closely, their eyes locking.
"Aye, that you are," she smiled softly. "My brave knight in shining armor," she murmured, leaning forward and kissing his lips gently.
"Um," he grunted, sliding further down in bed, taking her with her, cradling her close. "Now sleep," he murmured, kissing her gently again. "I will always be here if you need me." His tone was gentle yet firm as he clutched her tightly to him, his arms about her waist, her back resting against his chest and his head buried in her hair.
"I know," she murmured, closing her eyes, clutching tightly at his hands as another sadness came to her heart. Once more she would live the dream, but only once, at least that was what she begged the Goddess as her mind began to drift. The rest she would deal with after this was settled.
Authors Note: A faster update. Yay! We all deal with things differently, and sometimes something that is so simple, and right in front of our faces, is the hardest for us to see. The answer to Mariska's dream and getting rid of it was in the dream itself, but she could not see it, and since she would not talk, no one was able to help her to see it. Next chapter we'll find out how right Tristan was. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Let me know.