Thirty: Alex

If Olivia thinks she's going to get away with this conversation lightly, she's got it all wrong. I can hear the dread in her voice. She just called to say hi, my ass.

"Olivia, come on…" There's a long pause on the other end.

"We had a break in the case Alex and it's not a good one." She says with disappointment.

"What happened?" I ask but she's dancing around the answer. She tells me she'll be home in two hours and not to go anywhere. A pit rises in my stomach and I have a horrible feeling about why I'm suddenly under house arrest. Ultimately, I agree to stay in and wait for her.

She's right on time. Twelve o'clock and lunch is on the table. I greet her at the door but as soon as I see her face, my smile escapes me.

"You better be here to tell me why I'm under house arrest… not that I don't love being cooped up all afternoon with the house plants, but really." I try to lighten her but she doesn't budge.

"What's for lunch?" She wanders into the kitchen. I can see her mind at work; two thoughts battling brutally. Still, even if she comes to the decision to not tell me, it's not really her option.

"Chicken Caesar salad and bad news from the precinct." I follow her in and make her, her afternoon cup of coffee. I put the kettle on for myself and lean against the counter, awaiting an explanation.

"Ok…" She drops into the wooden chair at the table and looks at me, "Dominic Clark escaped." I gasp and before I know it, the tea cup I am holding is slipping and smashing on the floor in front of me. She jumps up and joins me on her knees, picking up the chards of porcelain.

"How could that happen? How the hell could he have done that?" I ask the same question five different ways as I drop the broken pieces into a dish towel; Olivia doing the same.

"It was during the transfer…" Olivia stops picking up pieces and lowers her head, "Alex, I'm so sorry." I stand up and throw the cup in the trash.

"Cregan… Cregan told me it was the right thing. Dammit Liv! Everyone told me it was the right thing!" I'm furious. Olivia just stands in the middle of the kitchen like a kid in trouble. The angrier I get, the more she backs away from me. "Now this son of a bitch is out on the street, and it's entirely my fault! It's… it's what everyone told me to do! I don't believe this!" I look at Olivia and she's speechless. She almost looks scared. Immediately I feel bad.

"We've got everyone looking for him," she says quietly. "I wanted to come tell you to your face… I just wanted to see you. I was afraid he was going to come here."

"Olivia, I'm sorry… this isn't anyone's fault. What are we going to do now? Can I still go back to work?" She shifted her weight and straightened her posture. I could see the detective attitude return.

"No one said you can't go back to work. I don't think it's a good idea but I know you're going back anyhow. Dominic might know where you live but he doesn't know where I live. You could stay here for a while, until we catch him." Her eyes almost pleading me to stay. I nod.

"What if we don't catch him?" I worry aloud.

"We will," she says, matter-of-factly.

"It's been three weeks and Dominic is still no where to be found. Olivia works every day of the week now. I know she's not sleeping. I fall asleep before her and she's always in the kitchen or the shower when I wake up the next day. She's been distant and agitated. It's ripping her up that she can't find Dom. We don't even really see each other. We grab lunch three days a week if we're able and at night, most of the time I'm in bed when she gets home." I tell the blonde sitting across the desk from me.

"Alex, you know how Olivia is. She's the most determined person I know. She won't rest until she knows you're safe. She might be touchy right now, but it's only in your best interest." Serena crosses her legs and goes on gesturing her hands in my face, trying hard to reassure me that Olivia knows what she's doing.

"Serena, I understand that more than anyone but look at me!" I stand up and show her the bump in my belly. She gasps with excitement and runs over to poke me. "Hey!"

"Gosh, you're really coming along… I guess we need to have lunch more often. Keep me in the loop okay? So what is it - what's wrong? Are you like, seriously emotional yet? I could understand you wanting Olivia around more often. Gees, has she seen this?" I slap her hand away playfully. She laughs lightly and sits back down.

"I guess she's seen it. I mean, you can't really miss it. We haven't had time to talk about it… that 'it' is about to be our son or daughter." It slips faster than I can catch it but Serena catches it for me.

"Our son or daughter?" I avert my eyes from her surprised, questioning look. "I mean, I know you guys are together but she told you she'd raise it with you or something?" I raise my eyebrow at her. "You know I mean that in a good way Alex."

"She said she'd be there for whatever I needed."

"That sounds a little detached to me. Maybe you guys should really sit down and talk about this. I mean, that baby is already making it's presence known!" She's right and I'm embarrassed that Olivia and I haven't had that talk. "Anyway, you're big girls, you know how to handle your own lives. I'm just here to make fun of you once in a while." I smile at her. I think about how distant we became when that whole episode happened with her and Branch.

"I'm glad you called Serena, it's nice to have someone to talk to." I feel stupid as I say this but it's the truth.

"Honey, anytime. I was the shit head that didn't talk to my own friends forever. Look at all the great drama I missed!"

"Oh shut up! You're a head case, you know that?" I tell her and she makes a crazy face.

"So what are you doing for thanksgiving? Takin' the detective to your chateau in the Berkshires?" She asks with a snobby old lady accent and a goofy smile.

"No, I think I'll brave that alone this year, as usual. I don't think she's ready for the family. I'm sure my father would love her but the rest of them are pretty judgmental. Besides, she's spending hers with Elliot. I guess she does that every year since they became partners. I've only met his wife Kathy twice but she's a very lovely woman. Olivia has a lot of respect for her, they're good friends." Serena smirks at me. "What?"

"Better watch out for this Kathy!" I throw a balled up piece of paper at her and tell her to shut up.

"You are really out of your mind, how much caffeine did you consume today?" I joke with her, happy to have the uplifting company.

"Well, its one in the afternoon. I've had like, four maybe? I'll be peeing for the rest of my life." She laughs and points to me, "so will you pretty soon!"

"I'd smack you, but you're right. I can't wait for that beautiful stage to begin." I say rolling my eyes.

A knock at the door cuts our laughing and it opens to reveal Liz. "Alex, I- Oh, Serena… I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt. How have you been?" All emotion drained from the both of them, Serena answers politely that she's fine and was just on her way out. Liz steps to the side to let her pass and Serena makes a vicious face behind Liz then signals for me to call her later. I wave her out and gesture for Liz to sit.

"What do you need?" I ask politely.

"Special Victims called, that seven year old, Amanda is hopefully going to pick out Brady in a line up and they want you down there." She turns to leave but stops. "How are you feeling lately Alex?" Her tone barely changing from that of business.

"I'm fine thank you," I stand and pull my briefcase together. "I'll get right down there."

Amanda O'Brien, seven years old, kidnapped outside of Jenny's Jewelers on October 3rd, 2005. Recovered November 5th, 2005. Family delicatessen suspected of kidnapping and sexual assult charges.

I close the file as the cab flies through the streets of the city. It's a shame. I am starting to look at these cases so much differently now. I almost understand where Elliot is coming from. I don't know how he does it. So many cases with children, so many battered and damaged, then he goes home and has to be a normal dad. If that doesn't make you over protective I don't know what will.

I walk into the precinct and everyone has just entered Cregan's office. Olivia is leaning by the two-way with her arm around Amanda. Trevor is there, obviously defending that scum, Brady.

"Are we all here?" Cregan looks around, taking a head count. I watch as Olivia kneels down in front of the small girl.

"Ok sweetheart, are you ready to show me the man who took you from your Mommy?" The little girl nods and I watch how carefully Olivia treats the girl. "Step up here, don't be afraid. They won't be able to see you okay? This is special glass." The girl steps up on the box to look at the window.

"Send 'em in," Cregan instructs.

"Do you see the man, Amanda?" Olivia asks softly.

"I'm afraid to say…" she admits.

"She is obviously not ready for this," Trevor chimes in heartlessly. The girl looks at him with fear and Olivia swiftly moves to the other side of her to block her view of Trevor, as if to protect her.

"It's okay honey, just tell me if you see him. He can't hurt you okay? I promise. If you know he's in there, we can send him away where he'll never get to you again." She reassures, rubbing the girls back. She stands angled and close to her, blocking Amanda from anyone else in the room.

"It's…number four." She admits timidly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I hate him!" The right becomes visibly distraught and Trevor silently curses. The girl turns her face from the glass quickly and hides her face in Olivia's chest. Instinctively, she hugs the small girl and turns her away from the standing men as Cregan pulls the blinds.

"You did great sweetheart, it's okay. I'm going to take you home to see your Mommy okay?" I watch as the girl nods against Olivia and slowly lets go, allowing Olivia to lead her by the hand, out of the room.

"Would you like to come with us?" Olivia's voice still painfully distant but time with her is worth more than anything to me these days. I nod and she bends down and zips up Amanda's coat. She smiles at me, making me wonder if the distance I feel is just in my head.

We situate ourselves in the car and Amanda talks to us for about five minutes about Disney World and then falls asleep.

"You did great with her in there," Olivia takes her eyes off the road for a moment to look at me, almost sadly.

"Thanks… Alex, I'm sorry I've been so out of it lately." She starts off. I don't want to make a big deal of it though.

"It's okay." I lie.

"No it isn't. I'm not being very supportive and I'm sorry. So much is happening with you and I feel like I'm missing it." She looks ashamed. We inch through traffic as she clenches and unclenches the fist resting on her right leg. I take her hand and it's as though she springs to life.

"I know you're doing what you can. I do miss you… but you're out there helping people. You're saving children like Amanda, and you're still looking for Dom. I could never be angry about that." She squeezes my hand and takes a deep, relieved breath.

"I'm going to take some time off okay? I really mean it. We haven't spent any time together. I wouldn't call driving vic's home in a cruisers quality time." I laugh lightly.

"I have an appointment with Dr. Rice next week. Do you think you would want to come to that? She said that by week twelve, I should hear a heartbeat. I might even be able to tell what it is." I tell her, trying to suppress my excitement.

"Oh my God! This early? That's wonderful Alex, I'd love to go. I'm so glad you asked me." My faith in Olivia now restored. She's so excited about this, Serena must've been wrong. Olivia's not detached at all, just distracted… and who could blame her?

We drop off Amanda and Olivia offers to bring me to her apartment. We're halfway there when I notice her eyeing the rearview mirror more than usual. I watch her street come up and we pass it.

"Liv… I think you-"

"Shh, don't make any movements. I could be wrong but I think we're being followed. You're coming back to the station with me." I feel a cold sweat take over me and I sit still and quiet. I feel the car speed up and I close my eyes as we weave through traffic. I open my eyes when I feel the car slow and pull into one police plaza.

"Jesus." I say relieved to see the old building.

"Whoever it was didn't want to follow me here. I think I got partial plates." Olivia adjusts the mirror just to see the vehicle drive past. The detective in her switches off as she looks over to me. I'm sure I'm pale as a ghost. "You okay?" She reaches her hand up and rubs the back of my neck, her thumb grazing my jaw. I just nod.

"I'll stick around until you check the plates." I say, trying to convince myself it was nothing.

"Okay," Olivia's worry is etched in stone on her face but she tries to brush it off. She kisses my cheek then gets out of the car to open my door and walks me into the precinct.