Title: Until
Category: Law and Order: CI
Spoilers: Nope.
Feedback: Feedback like totally reeks of awesomeness dude!
Summary: I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm going to love you tonight.
Disclaimer: Without Prejudice. The names of all characters contained here-in are the property of Dick Wolf. No infringements of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission. The song is "I May Hate Myself In The Morning" by Lee Ann Womack.
Notes: I stole this from one of my CSI: Miami fics. I'm hoping that it will inspire me to actually write.
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"Alex?"
"Bobby."
"How are you?"
By the slight slur in his voice I can tell that he has been drinking. According to Mike and Carolyn he has been doing a lot of that lately.
"I'm good," I sigh as the lie leaves my lips. "How are you?"
I hear the telltale hiss and pop of a beer can opening before he answers. "I'm good…I'm good."
Maybe he thinks if he repeats it, it will seem more believable.
It's been six months. Six months to the day that my life imploded. When Peterson over at IAB found out about the relationship that Bobby and I had been in, he did his best to make our life a living hell. And after doing that, he saw to it that we were split up and disciplined for fraternization. Apparently, one of Bobby's former partners had been Peterson's little brother. Bobby got to stay at Major Case, and I got sent over to TARU. After that, Bobby and I mutually decided that it would be for the best if we were to end our relationship. For the best my ass.
"Alex?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you ever think about me? About us?"
Can I hack into the best computer in less than five minutes? Does a Motel Six room light up like the Forth of July under ALS?
"Bobby…" I try to cut off his train of thought. This conversation is becoming all too familiar and is quickly entering dangerous waters.
"Come over?" He offers.
I close my eyes and inhale quickly. This is the last chance to stop this.
"I'll be right over."
Ain't it just like one of us
To pick up the phone and call after a couple drinks
And say how you been, I've been wondering if
Maybe you've been thinkin about me
And somewhere in the conversation
An old familiar invitation always arrives
I may hate myself in the morning
But I'm gonna love you tonight
As the third taxi cuts me off I begin to question myself. Is fate trying to tell me something? Am I making another mistake?
Well that's a stupid question I chide myself as I step on the gas. Of course I'm making a mistake. One that I have made many times before, but I can't manage to stop myself from making it again. We cannot be. Bobby plus Alex equals can't happen. I hesitate before I flick on my left blinker. Two more turns before his street. Two more turns to turn back.
Everyone's known someone that they
Just can't help but want
Even though we just can't make it work out
The want to, lingers on
So once again, we wind up in each other's arms
Pretending that it's right
And I may hate myself in the morning
But I'm gonna love you tonight
Traffic is light in his neighborhood, so I pull my car over to the side of the road before I reach his street. This is wrong, I insist to myself. So why does it feel so right? I've tried other relationships, but I still come back to him. I pretend that six months ago never happened. As I lay in his arms I can pretend that we are happy. Pretend that we aren't hurt. Pretend that Bobby doesn't have a developing problem with alcohol. And pretend that I am capable of loving without loosing.
I know it's wrong, but it ain't easy movin' on
So why can't two friends
Remember the good times once again
I still have a key to his apartment so I don't need to be buzzed in. He is waiting for me when the elevator opens. Wordlessly we walk down the hall to his apartment. Once the door is closed he opens his arms to me, and without a second thought, I enter them. He feels so good…so right. His whiskey-kissed breath tickles my ear. Within seconds we are heading towards the bedroom, shedding clothing as we go.
Tomorrow when I wake up
I'll be feelin' a little guilty, a little sad
Thinkin' how it used to be before everything went bad
I guess that's what it is
All lonely, late night calls, that we try to find
I may hate myself in the morning
But I'm gonna love you tonight
I may hate myself in the morning
But I'm gonna love you tonight
I lie awake in the darkness, goose flesh pricking at my skin. He is fast asleep, for once looking at ease. Guilt washes over me as I remember the previous night, and others much like it. Slowly, I ease myself from under the sheets and begin to collect my scattered clothes. After I am dressed, I once again enter his bedroom. I run my eyes over his sleeping form once more, before leaving the apartment undetected.
Until we meet again, Bobby.
Finis!
Completed: 01-18-06