Thirty Nine: Olivia

We speed through the city streets, weaving in between cars wit h the siren blaring until we hit the highway and blaze the road, topping 95 mph. I see a sign for Connecticut after twenty minutes. My stomach becomes queasy with anxiety. The car is flying… it's not helping my stomach but we're making good time.

When I see the sign for Haddam I pick up my cell phone and dial the number last sent to me. Dominic answers.

"What can I do for you detective?"

"What do you want from us Dominic?" I proceed bluntly, "You wouldn't have taken Alex for nothing."

"How many years have you been doing this job? You're right, I wouldn't. Brownie points for you. I want my freedom. I didn't rape her," he says plainly.

"I know but you know the man who did," I answer.

"He's here too," Dominic says. My fears confirmed, I want to cry, or scream, or shoot something, but I don't.

"Were you planning to give him up?" I ask.

"For my freedom? Sure." He says this as though we were speaking of an old bike, instead of a close friend.

"I'll trade you Alex and your partner for parole," I lie to him. Elliot turns and looks at me for a second, shocked at my offer.

"Can you even do that Detective?" he asks suspiciously.

"Yes I can," I say certainly as though I made deals all the time. "Let me talk to Alex," I say sternly.

"Why?" he asks suspiciously.

"Because I'm not about to set a deal if she's not okay," I say as though it should have been obvious. All the while I'm sweating to death, praying he'll pass the phone. I hear him get up and a door creek open.

"What the fuck?" Dominic says quietly.

"Hello? Is there a problem Dominic?" I ask impatiently. But I'm not impatient; I'm freaking the fuck out. Why did he just say that? Is she dead? Did something happen?

"You're little bitch is quite the brave one," Dominic replies bitterly.

"Just let me talk to her," I tell him.

"I can't… she's gone," he says angrily. She got away! That's my fuckin' girl! A smile spreads across my face and I hold my hand over my mouth so Dom can't hear my sigh of temporary relief. Oh God, get away from there Alex! I hear him shuffle things around frantically. There's a man in the back ground calling Alex's name. I hear a loud creek and a loud sound. "Ah ha… here we go," Dominic says triumphantly. Fuck! I hear his boots crunch into snow and rain hit his cell phone. "I've got to let you go Olivia. I've got some hunting to do." Before I can open my mouth the line goes dead. Elliot looks at me expectantly.

"She… got away," I say in disbelief.

"Holy shit! GO CABOT!" Elliot laughs in a great exhale of relief. "We just gotta go find her!"

"Before he does…" I say quietly.

"Liv, this is good news," Elliot exclaims. "Alex is a diehard, she won't go without a fight. She'll be okay, I know it."

"He wouldn't have known…" My mind starts it's brutal self hatred.

"What?"

"She would've gotten farther if I hadn't called," I tell him.

"Olivia, don't you dare start that," Elliot says in that dad voice. "Alex makes great use of her resources, she's probably halfway home!"

"That's the turn Elliot!" I say pointing to Newmans' grocery store. Elliot donuts the car and we turn down a dark wooded road.

"Sorry about that, hang on!" He straightens the car. "You sure you're ready for this?" Elliot asks. A different kind of fear laces his eyes. It's one with more attachment than I've ever seen from him. He's scared for her… and for us.

"No, but it'll come to me," I say breathing hard. "Park here."

"Here? On the side of the road?" Elliot asks.

"We're going on foot." I answer. Nothing can stop me now. I feel nothing, see nothing… am nothing. I am nothing but this mission; my mission. The mission that will determine the outcome of my life. I tell myself over and over, I am a machine. I tell myself, I am unstoppable.

"Should I call for back up?" Elliot asks.

"No. Not yet." I say.

Elliot pulls his shirt off and pulls on his bullet proof vest. I pull my vest over my tank top, buttoning my long sleeve shirt up, cloaking the vest. I pull my coat back over everything. The sheet beats the windshield loudly but the only sound in the car is our swishing shirts and Velcro straps. They stick and re-stick, to make sure these vests are snug. I pull out my gun; check my bullets and the barrel of the gun. I double check my weapon, making sure nothing will go wrong. There is no room for error tonight.

I get out of the car, take a deep breath and start heading towards the cabin in the distance. I feel like there should be fight music playing around us but only the harsh sound of frozen rain can be heard. Our feet crunch lightly in the snow covered woods. The only light illuminating our path is the soft glow of the moon shining on the sparkling snow. It'd be beautiful if I weren't treading through it thinking someone might die tonight.

We make our way past tall black trees in silence. Our breathing is steady… for now. I pull out my radio as we near the hunting lodge.

"This is Detective Olivia Benson…" I start in a low concentrated voice. It sounds like this could be my good bye speech on a sinking ship. "…badge 4015, requesting back up, bus and S.W.A.T. at location 4-2-5 Lender Brook Road." Elliot waits and watches silently.

"Copy that, Detective Benson," a uniform answers.

"Cutting communication," I say. Elliot gives me a look like we are about to face an army alone.

"Copy that. Cutting communication at this time is not suggeste-." –Click- I switch the radio off and drop it into the snow.

"Liv?" I look at him. He looks at me like I'm crazy. I am. "Are you out of your mind?"

"Whatever happens in there… Elliot, don't try to be a hero. Do you understand me?"

"Liv-" His tone sounds argumentive. I hold up my hand. I lift a finger for each name I recite.

"Kathleen, Maureen, Dickie, Elizabeth and Kathy," I say giving him a hard look. "Don't hurt yourself if I do something stupid."

"Are you planning to?" he asks in disbelief.

"No, but you know me. I don't really plan at all. Anything can happen," I say honestly. I start to walk and Elliot follows.

As we approach the house I notice cars in the driveway. Neither of them are the car I saw tonight. Another lodge is in the distance. I see the reflection of the moon bounce off the unmistakable vehicle I sprinted after earlier.

"Wrong lodge… dammit," I say to Elliot. He follows my gaze and sees the car. "Let's keep going. Keep your eyes and ears open for them. I'm sure they're all out here somewhere."

"Maybe we should check to see if they made it to this house." Elliot suggested.

"There's no way they made it there this fast. Look how far apart the houses are. Alex might have; in which case, I won't have to worry because the guys are responding to that house. Alex might still be out here though. It's Dominic I'm looking for… and his little friend. If he i is /i out here, he's looking for Alex. We need to find him before he finds her." I explain.

We trudge through the bitter cold, stepping over fallen branches and through tangled trees. "How ya doin?" Elliot asks after a few minutes. "You're knees, I mean."

"They're sore but I'm okay," I say quietly.

"Okay."

"Elliot," I start, as I see we are getting closer to the lodge. The sleet is falling hard and I'm freezing and soaked. The sound is deafening… I couldn't hear Alex if I wanted to. Still, I'm afraid Elliot will hear my heavy breathing and my heart beating out of my chest.

"Yeah?" His voice is tired but he wouldn't be sleeping now; trudging through the snow or not.

"You've been suck a good friend. I mean, I always told myself that someday I'd tell you. We never really talk about it. I think now's a good time to thank you for being there for me."

"You've been the same for me Liv… God, this sounds like we're saying goodbye," he said painfully.

"No, just 'I love you's'," I say sadly, because I'm half lying. Something in me is saying, this i is /i going to be goodbye. I can only pray, (for the first time in years), that my gut is wrong.