And as we all know very well; none of it is mine...

JAMES:

Okay so what? I've been patrolling this particular aisle in the library for hours, the stone floor seems to wear traces of my path, but I don't care.

It's not every night you realize you never had a chance with the love of your live and you most certainly never will…

You could call me thick, but till tonight I still hoped for some miracle that would make Lily realize, I'm actually not that bad, but after that little scene at dinner I highly doubt she will ever look at me again.

I kind of liked her from the moment I saw her, not in a romantic way but still: I really liked her. This shy little girl with the huge green eyes and the kind smile somehow got to me. But I was just an eleven year old little prick, so instead of bein nice to her; I did what every eleven year old prick would do: I constantly picked at her and mocked her. When I got older and Lily became the beauty she now is, I finally managed to direct my feelings into the right path: I started to ask her out! Imagine my surprise when she said no! No girl ever said "no" to James Potter! Of course I never took "no" for an answer, so I made it my task in life to get her to say "yes".

I won't get into particulars here, but believe me: I did some pretty stupid things to impress her, none of them ever worked.

I still can't tell you when exactly I realized this wasn't about my pride anymore, but somehow along the way I really fell in love with Lily. I love everything about her, the way she fights for the things she believes in, her kindness, her weird sense of humour, her wit, her fiery temperament….

When we came back to school for our last year I was more determined than ever to get the girl of my dreams. Truth to be told, I was rather confident I would finally get her to like me, since I somehow outgrow most of the things I knew she hated about me: I wasn't so keen on bullying Snape anymore (not after he found out about Remus), I found myself thinking more about other people and most of all, I decided to stop hitting on her and become her friend first.

Sometimes things went rather well, she stopped wrinkling her nose at every word I said and I even caught her smiling at me, her beautiful genuine smile and not her "sod of Potter"-smirk.

But at other times, like tonight, I felt this was going nowhere.

I actually don't know what came over me at dinner; I just couldn't take anymore rejections. I just lost my temper and yelled at he, and I never yelled at her before… I teased her and annoyed her, picked at her and laughed about her, but never yelled!

What brings us back to my present unpleasant situation: she will never like me! Her whole behaviour told me clear as daylight, that her picture of me didn't change a bit, and after my public display; she will be more determined than ever to hate me!

Sirius and Remus keep on checking on me every five minutes, as if they were afraid I could seriously hurt myself or god knows what. Remus keeps on telling me to give her time, she will realize someday, I just have to stay patient. And Sirius is constantly reassuring me, that Lily is worth all the trouble: "If she wasn't the mother of your unborn children, I would try to get her myself mate… you'll see, everything will be fine in the end!"

So as the heavy wooden doors open again, I'm not even turning around. I just keep on walking in the opposite direction and yell over my shoulder: " Yeah, I know, she needs some more time, someday she will see what she means to me blablabla…and I'm not going to kill myself, at least not right now!"

The only answer is a small gasp, which is definitely not coming from Remus or Sirius.

And when I turn around, there she is, small and lost. By the look on her face she is desperately struggling for words, not knowing what to say or how to say it.

"James that's stupid!" she claps her hand over her mouth. That was obviously not what she wanted to say.

"I'm sorry, I mean: you won't kill yourself because I was so stupid, will you?" and than with a small blush and a nervous smile: "What if "she" finally got enough time? …if "someday" was just now? Would you still…?"

I'm trying to get my head around what she just said. Did she…? I mean, has she…? What is she trying to tell me?

"I'm sorry Lily; could you please be a bit more specific? I don't mean to press my luck, but what was that about?"

Her blush gets even deeper and she tries to avoid my eyes, "I realized something tonight: I am the shallow one, I am pathetic, I was selfish and stupid… I not you!" With every sentence she comes a bit nearer and is finally so close, I can feel her breath on my face.

I still don't know what exactly she is talking about, but one thing reaches my troubled mind: everything is fine in the end!

Without another word I pull her into my arms and burry my face in her hair. So that's how it feels when all your dreams come true!

After several moments, or maybe hours we break apart and I see the same feeling of joy and relive in her eyes that is filling my whole heart: "Lily I lo…" but she quickly puts a hand over my mouth and drags me under the next torch.

Whit a small sigh she removes her small hand and before I can ask about this whole torch business she smiles at me: "Tell me now!"

"Lily I love you!"

And when she kisses me, my brain completely gives up on asking useless questions and takes of for a short trip to Russia…