I couldn't cut this out. I tried and tried, and I wanted to write something more substantial here, but I just loved giggling at this silly song! I know it doesn't advance the plot, THANKYOUVERYMUCH, so I threw in a liiiiiitle detail that will be interesting later on (much later on.) If you can guess what it is, you win a free hug. You just need to fly/ drive/ walk to where I live and claim it. Shout out to anyone who may be my neighbor and I don't even know it yet!

I think almost everyone out there has heard this song at one point or another, but you can always check it out on youtube. It's called Happy Together by The Turtles. Watch the video by a user named "Turtleshappytogether" and enjoy the antics of their French horn player ;) Enjoy!

One Mixed Up Mary-Sue

Intermission One: The Songfic of Doom

Emily took one last bite of fruit and placed the pit down on her plate. She looked over at the kidnapper and Glorfindel- or whoever he really was. Was this why her cousin had to watch that damn movie? Was she tied up in some weird Lord of the Rings cult? This was just way too much for her to handle right now.

"Are you finished?" Glorfindel asked, gently laying a hand on her shoulder. Emily flinched, pulling away from him, her upper arm still sore from where the kidnapper had grabbed her. Her gaze shifted over to him, and she thought she saw something akin to regret or compassion in his gray eyes, but he quickly turned away.

"Yes," she said once it became apparent the kidnapper would not look at her. Questioning her own boldness at this point, she stood from the table and marched over to him. "Who are you?"

"Excuse me?"

"I think I deserve to know at least the name of the person who barged into my apartment and took me!" Emily said coolly.

"Erestor," he answered eventually. "And I am sorry for taking you. I never-"

"Okay, but for real," Emily said, interrupting him. She was more than annoyed with whatever game they were playing. "Who are you? What kind of sick, cult shit did my cousin get me dragged into?"

"All will become clear soon, my dear." It was the dark haired creep from earlier, the one who'd tried to get her to drink the Kool Aid. "For now, Prince Legolas has requested to see you."

"I'd really rather not…" Emily said softly. "Unless he's going to take me home!"

"Oh, but you are home, my dear! He will show you all the wonders of the home you have forgotten. Come with me." He took her hand and started to lead her away. With a start, Emily snatched it back, sick of feeling helpless and being led around by these people.

"I'm not letting you take me anywhere until you tell me what's going on!" Emily shouted, gaining quite a few shocked stares. Gray eyes- her kidnapper- stood, saying something to the Kool Aid guy that Emily didn't understand. She rolled her eyes; were they really so invested in this fraud that they'd learned to speak elvish? She needed to find a way out of here as quickly as possible.

"My Lady!" Emily nearly jumped out of her socks. She hadn't heard the dopey-eyed one sneak up behind her. He grinned and looked at her expectantly. Emily just stared back, angry that he's snuck up on her, and confused as to what he expected of her. Damn that cousin of hers, she could have at least explained the rules of her cult before getting her all tangled up in it.

"What- what do you want?" Emily asked nervously.

"Won't you come for a walk with me?" Dopey eyes asked. He extended a hand to her, and Emily stared at it, not moving an inch.

"A walk where?"

"Outside, to the garden, just to take a tour!" Dopey eyes laughed at her. He laughed at her!

"That would be good!" Kool Aid said. "You can help her remember her childhood home. Perhaps the fresh air and familiar surroundings will help jog your memory!"

Emily's mind was racing. She felt something cold being pressed into her hand. Was it a knife? Oh God, it was a knife. Was this it? Were they going on a walk to… end it? She turned and stared up at Glorfindel, he looked solemn, but didn't say anything to betray to the others what he'd given her. Was he trying to make her feel more comfortable? Gray eyes and Kool Aid were both still giving her the creeps, although in very different ways, and Dopey looked pretty harmless. Was the small knife supposed to reassure her?

Slipping the weapon into her back pocket, Emily gently extended her hand to Dopey. He smiled and gave it a gentle squeeze before leading her away. Kool Aid beamed and followed after them, listing off what he thought Dopey should take her to see. Behind her, Emily heard Glorfindel say something to Gray eyes, who Emily could tell was not happy with him, even though she couldn't understand their conversation. Maybe she could learn how to curse them out in their fake language.

Her thoughts returned to her current situation, and her walk with Dopey. Kool Aid had left them alone, and all she had to do was keep her eyes open for a chance to run.

Imagine me and you I do.

"I think your phone is ringing," Emily said, looking over at Dopey. "Way to break character."

I think about you day and night.

"You gonna get that?" Emily asked, glancing around at her surroundings. "I can wait." All the more time to plot her excape.

"I do not know this… phone… you speak of." Dopey glanced over at her. Emily nearly laughed at how well he pulled off a look of utter confusion.

"Well then where's the music coming from?" Emily asked. Dopey looked over at her, and she could see his frustration. Her hand went to her back pocket, but he calmed down quickly.

I think about you day and night.

"This place is full of magic," Dopey told her. "Perhaps the Valar have seen fit to bless our reunion with a song!"

It's only right.

"Wow," Emily said, "freaking wow."

To think about the girl you love.

"Do you remember when we were children, Lady Emily?" He was staring off into space, reminiscing about some made-up memories.

"Not even a little bit. But I don't think you'd like growing up where I'm from. You know, it's was frowned upon to dress up like a crazy person and kidnap people."

And hold her tight.

"Oh, I am sure in time you will remember everything." Legolas threw his arms around her and squeezed her in an uncomfortable hug. Emily winced at the pressure on her bruised arm, but still tried to fight her way away. His grip was too tight for her to reach the knife.

"Let go of me!"

So happy together.

With her arms trapped Emily started kicking and landed a solid blow to his knee. He let go and staggered a step back, but when he looked up at her, he was still smiling.

If I should call you up, invest a dime.

"I was so happy when Elrond announced you were coming back!" Legolas exclaimed.

"Against my will," Emily added.

And you say you belong to me.

"I missed you."

"Are you sure it isn't my cousin that you guys want back? I'm really not into whatever the hell is going on here!"

And ease my mind.
Imagine how the world could be.
So very fine.
So happy together.

Dopey threw his arms around her again, this time more gently. He raised a hand and touched her hair, patting it like she was a puppy dog.

"Stop that!" Emily yelled, pushing him away.

"We used to love fixing each other's hair!" Dopey pouted at her. "We would spend hours brushing and braiding…" Emily, though very put off at the idea of touching this weirdo, could see how it would take him hours to deal with the mop of blonde hair on his head. They all had long hair. She wondered if they'd actually gone to the time and trouble of growing it out, or if the elf-wannabe cult had a secret hair extensions fund.

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you.
For all my life.

"Can you turn off that damn music?" Emily seethed, ready to hit someone. She was almost taken aback by how bold she felt, considering the circumstances.

For all my life.

"I thought the day would never come that I laid eyes upon you!" He reached out towards her again, but Emily swatted his hand away.

"Well, unluckily for me, it did!" Emily exclaimed.

Me and you and you and me.

"Do not be sad." He put a hand on her cheek and Emily stepped backwards, just out of his reach. "It is sad that you cannot return to the other world-"

"How about you just point me in the right direction? I'll be the judge of whether or not I can make it." She'd take her chances out there, rather than in this mad house. She shifted her attention from her unwelcome admirer to the world around her. If it hadn't been for the kidnapping, she may have enjoyed it. Everything was beautiful, but she had no idea which way was out, and that ruined everything.

No matter how they toss the dice.

"You cannot return now... But this is your real home."

"No," Emily said. "You won't let me, why not just let me?"

It had to be.

"The portal can only be opened once," Dopey said, as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

The only one for me is you.

"Portal?" Emily asked.

And you for me.

"You know, it was all pink and swirly and full of magic? Lord Elrond sent Erestor through to get you and then it closed up! The magic has been spent."

So happy together.

"I- I-" Emily stuttered. "The pink thing on my t.v?" But that wasn't possible. Magic was not real, and neither were these wackos.

I can see me lovin' nobody but you.
For all my life.
When you're with me baby the skies'll be blue.
For all my life.

"I'm stuck here?" Emily asked, taking another step backwards, reaching her arm out to steady herself. Dopey- Legolas- took her hand, and Emily couldn't even find the will to pull it away from him. Her head was spinning; this couldn't be real. Her insanity theory was starting to look better and better.

Me and you and you and me.

"It is alright, you can cry if you need to." Legolas said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "I'll be there for you."

"No!"

No matter how they toss the dice.
It had to be.
The only one for me is you.
And you for me.
So happy together.

"I think I need to sit down," Emily said, her voice shaking.

"Are you unwell?" Legolas asked.

"Yes, very," Emily said, nodding her head. She pulled her hand away from him, but followed behind him quietly as he led her back inside. The music finally faded away and Emily sighed. She silently followed Legolas as he led her to the room she'd found herself in that morning. He opened the door for her, and Emily stopped him when he tried to follow her in.

"Don't you need me to tuck you in?" Legolas asked. "As a friend, as a friend, of course! Heh heh..."

"Uh, no," Emily said. "What I want is for you to turn around, walk away, and never talk to me again." Before he could reply, Emily swung the door closed and pushed a heavy trunk in front of it. Just for good measure, she took a chair that was by a vanity table and stacked it on top of the trunk. Satisfied with her handiwork, she checked every corner of the room, convinced she'd find a camera or listening device. When she came up empty-handed, she sighed and crawled into the big bed, trying her best not to dream about pink portals.