I didn't change any of the plot in this chapter in the re-write, just cleaned up some of the sloppy writing. Enjoy!

One Mixed Up Mary-Sue

Chapter Three: A Problem With Plot Holes

"Hey!" Emily shouted, grabbing a hold of Glorfindel's shoulders and giving him a good shake. No reply, he just lay there. He was still breathing though, which was a good sign.

"What is it, Lady Emily?" Legolas had arrived and was kneeling on the ground by her side.

"I don't know!" Emily replied, her nerves tingeing her voice. "He ran into me and now he won't get up. Look!" She pointed to a large, red welt on his head.

"You are such a wonderfully skilled warrior!" Legolas beamed at her. He reached over to place a hand on her shoulder, but Emily pushed it away.

"I didn't do this!" Emily protested.

"Oh now you've done it!" Emily looked up at the woman standing before them. She would have been beautiful if not for the disgusted look on her face. "Frank was supposed to go save that damn, stinky hobbit! Ugh, I guess I'll just have to go!" She stormed off, muttering about how she should have been the

"Who was that?" Emily asked. "And who's Frank?"

"Oh, no one," Legolas answered, waving a hand dismissively, "just your less attractive, jealous, older sister, Arwen. And this is Frank."

"Erm… okay." Maybe Frank was his real name. Maybe when you got hurt you were out of the role-playing cult game. She'd have to keep that in mind.

"A lady should not be forced to sit here and see all of this brutality! Perhaps you would like to go for a walk? I could comfort you in this time of tragedy…" Legolas winked and Emily rolled her eyes.

"Hey! Wake up!" Emily shouted at the top of her lungs, clapping her hands right in front of his face.

After a couple of loud claps, he opened his eyes, groaned and held his head. Once he'd taken in his surroundings, he sat bolt upright, eyes darting back and forth and a panicked expression on his face.

"Hey, are you alright?" Emily asked. He was still holding his head. "Please don't tell me that I thought you were going to die because you had too much to drink!"

"I have to go!" Glorfindel- Frank- whatever- declared, clambering ungracefully to his feet. "There is business I must attend to! Where is Asfaloth?"

"I think it's being taken care of," Emily said.

"What? How?" He groaned again and held the sore on his head.

"Arwen came by here and told us she was going to go…" Legolas said. "Now if only you would also go, I could spend some time with my one true love."

"What the fuck, man?" Emily demanded. "You need to get over this crap." Legolas frowned dejectedly, but remained silent.

"Come on, let's get that shit cleaned up," Emily said eventually, when Glorfindel didn't seem to be getting any relief. He took a teetering step, but didn't get too far. With a sigh, Emily motioned for Legolas to help him.

"You know I'm a prince, right?" Legolas demanded. "When we are married we will have servants to carry near-lifeless freeloaders around for us."

"Oh, shut up, Legolas," Glorfindel muttered. Emily had to hold back a little laugh, dire as the situation may be.

"I will bring him to safety like the valiant hero I am, and then I will find you!" Legolas declared as he shuffled away with Glorfindel leaning on him.

"Gross," Emily said to herself, trudging back to the main building, unsure if she should have been nice to Glorfindel. On one had, he was part of this insanity, but on the other, he seemed to be the kindest of all of them.

She was starting to feel hungry, and wondered if she had time to go steal some food and lock herself in her room before Legolas would be looking for her. With some wandering, she managed to find the kitchen area. There were four elves bustling about, and none of them looked like they knew exactly what they were doing. They greeted her warmly, and she was introduced to the quartet of misplaced kitchen workers, Phil-lir, Mary-eth, Lisa-wen and Bob (the Second.) They had the same dopey, glazed-over look as Legolas. That couldn't be a good sign.

Unfortunately, they hadn't let her have an early lunch, or even any samples. But they were kind enough to reassure her she would be able to eat with the rest of the household momentarily. Sighing in defeat, Emily walked out to the dining hall and sat alone, hoping the first person to arrive wouldn't be completely nuts. Maybe she could grill someone for some information.

Of course, that plan went just as well as the past couple of days had. Elrond (a.k.a. Kool Aid) had arrived, and looked overjoyed to see her. Trying to keep her composure, Emily stared straight ahead as he sat down next to her.

"Ah, my daughter! It is good to see you!" Elrond exclaimed, placing a hand on her shoulder. With an exasperated groan, Emily put her head down on the table.

"Emily, this is Wirsleiref," Elrond said, gesturing to a tall blonde, who sat down across the table from them. "He is the most fashionable elf in Rivendell. I have asked him to design your wedding dress." Emily lifted her head off the table just enough to wordlessly acknowledge him. Was she being Punked?

The two males were absorbed in a conversation about which colors were appropriate to which season and what would best compliment Emily's eyes and skin tone.

"She was supposed to have rainbow eyes," Elrond explained to Wirsleiref. "She must have repressed that ability to better fit into the world of mortals. How clever!"

Once she'd managed to tune out their conversation, the meal went rather smoothly. The food was simple but good, and she'd managed to entertain herself by simply staring out at the outside world. Although she didn't have a plan yet, she figured the longer she studied it, the better off she would be when the time came to escape. As she was getting ready to leave the table, in walked Legolas, and the whole affair was ruined.

"Lady Emily!" He said in a high-pitched voice, skipping towards her, a wide grin on his face.

"What do you want?" Emily demanded, drumming her fingers on the table.

"Why only to spend time with you," he replied.

"Really?"

"Yes," his face turned to a worried expression. "Do you not believe me?"

"Of course not, you idiot," Emily said. "You stalk me around like a lunatic."

"But-"

"But nothing! Now, go do something useful."

"Like what, my Lady?" Legolas looked like his heart had been shattered.

"I don't know! Go find yourself a life!" Emily got up from the table and stormed off. Maybe she would be better off if she just ignored him entirely…

Legolas skipped off smiling. Apparently he had never heard that particular expression, or he wasn't fazed by the insult.

Emily sighed and looked around. After a brief moment of debate, she decided to go and take a walk around outside. Besides its many annoying inhabitants, Rivendell was actually very nice. Eventually she reached a not-so-nice area, though. The ground had a few deep pits dug into it. They were roped off and surrounded with caution signs. One read: Plothole Zone- Do Not Enter. As she was standing there, idly contemplating what the hell this meant, Legolas took the opportunity to sneak up behind her.

"Lady Emily," he called out to her, waving.

"What do you want?" Apparently a few moments of peace was too much to ask for around here.

"I think I found that life!" he declared, swelling with pride.

"What?"

"A life, I found one! It was an injured bird and I saved its life. Aren't you proud? I named it Emily, after you, because it was such a beautiful creature."

"Legolas, it was a figure of speech…" Emily pointed out. "That's not how it works at all."

"A figure what?"

"Never mind, Legolas."

"Hey, let's be adventurous and go explore in there!" Legolas said, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the roped-off Plothole Zone. "Nothing bad can come of disobeying the posted signage!"

"No, let go of me!" Emily yelled as she was being dragged behind the insane elf. Her hand tightened around the knife in her back pocket, but she couldn't bring herself to follow through and hurt him. It would be like kicking a sad puppy.

"Look," Legolas said, stopping dead in his tracks. "They're all marked."

Emily glanced at the deep pits dug into the ground, each with its own sign explaining its purpose. One read 'Everyone Learned English,' another 'Travelling Between Worlds is OK,' and so on and so forth.

"So? Where's your rebellious side?" Legolas asked. "As a child you were always up for an adventure."

"I guess when I got freaking kidnapped my taste for adventure was zapped!"

"You're just not opening up to me because of a depressing childhood that resulted in you closing yourself off to the world… Don't worry, I understand; my father was cruel and mean and abusive. But I will get revenge on him one day, and then I shall be King of Mirkwood."

Emily narrowed her eyes and smacked him on the back of the head. "Please, Lady Emily. What would the children say?"

"What… children?" Emily asked, not really wanting to hear his answer.

"When we have children, they-"

"There is no fucking way that I will be having your children, you freak!" Emily yelled in horror. She turned around to run, but with all of her grace and agility, her feet started to slip out from under her. She tried to regain her balance, but all of a sudden there was nothing under her feet. The earth around one of the plotholes had begun to crumble and fall down into the pit. Desperate, she managed to grab a hold of a tree root.

"Legolas, help me!" Emily yelled, trying to keep her grip.

"You… you… you don't want children?" Tears welled up in his eyes. He wasn't listening to her cries for help; he was off in his own world.

"We'll talk about it later; but for now help me out of here!" On one hand she felt bad because she'd only say no again later. But on the other hand she was falling into some plothole. For all she knew it could be the "I'm Pretty… Really!" plothole, and if she fell, she would emerge tiny, blonde and with no intelligence.

"Okay!" Legolas was happy again. Jeez, that elf got worse mood swings than a pregnant woman.