Chapter Fourteen

AN: Sorry for the long wait and sorry if this chapter's got weird writing stuff and not making sense and inaccuracies in grammar and the likes. This chapter was surprisingly hard to write.
And sorry about the yucky Sam and Pete gooey lovey doviness. I softened that a little so you don't puke on their newlyweddedness. And by the way Loveland is a place in Colorado that's not too far away from Cheyenne and Colorado Springs so I thought it was a good place for Jack's house… Minnesota is too far away. Loveland is not intended to be some warped form of irony or a 'sign' or anything. I got a really good idea for the next chapter but I just got a job at a supermarket and I'm going to be working a lot over these holidays and get lots of money for uni next year! Erg, more school… and then I'll be a primary school teacher! Renee what are you thinking!

The wonderfully, refreshing air surrounded Samantha Shanahan as she stood on the veranda at Pete's house in Denver, Colorado. It was nice to feel the familiar Colorado air after her weeklong honeymoon in Hawaii, and it was nice to be home… Pete's home.

A stack of unopened presents were scattered on the unmade bed, and a radio was playing the latest 70's hits; Pete's favourite type of music.

Said Pete was not at home at the moment but was at the Police Station sorting a few things out for his transferral to Charlotte PD, which would be his new area in less than two weeks.

Sam hummed along to the radio as her week old manicured fingers brushed the glittery packaging of the presents. There were quite a number of them; lots of them bug which she suspected were housekeeping products like blenders and fry pans. (Not that she could cook anyway).

Sam and Pete had only opened a couple of them together that afternoon (a bread maker, some lingerie and a picnic set) so she knew it would be alright with Pete if she opened some without him. Plus she was itching to see what the guys had given her.

First there was a present just for her from Daniel, Teal'c, Jack, Cassie and George. It was a scrapbook filled with pictures of the nine years they had been at the SGC. There were pictures of them went they went on their first mission together back in Year One. Pictures of Sam and Cassie when they first found her, Sam and Janet, the whole group; so many memories stuck into just sixty pages of a Creative Memories scrapbook. It made Sam smile. A particular picture caught her attention under the title of Year Three. It was of her and Jack… except it wasn't her and Jack because she was in a wedding dress different to the one she wore when she wedded Pete, and he was holding her and smiling, though it was against regulations for them to be interacting on that level of intimacy.

A small arrow directed her down to an annotation. 'The other us – Jack' it read.

Sam felt her stomach give a funny squirm, Even though she could be fully scientific about the Quantum Theory, Alternate Reality thing, she could also be a little… emotional about the subject.

It was hard to imagine that another her and Jack had ever been together like that. She thought it could've been possible at one stage, but if it had, well those two realities spoke for themselves.

Sam and Jack together equalled Gou'ald and death. She gave a barely audible sigh and moved onto the next present. It was for both of them from Teal'c. She opened up a rather large Chulak ceramic urn to find some incense powder in it with a small note from him explaining that it brought luck to the couple that lived in the house that used it. It smelled nice; a bit like sandalwood. Next she opened Daniel's, not yet ready to open Jack's rather long thin package.

Daniel had given them an Easybake recipe book, undoubtedly so she could learn to cook, a nice ancient ornament for the home, and enough money for two round trip plane tickets from Charlotte to Denver. A card accompanied it with best wishes and a strict command that the money be used only for plane tickets as a 'hint' to come for a visit.

Sam grinned at it. She was going to make sure she used it.

Sam eyed Jack's present and tentatively reached for it. She carefully tore off the bright, blue wrapping paper to find two fishing rods in her hands.

She sat staring at them for maybe five minutes. Just staring. Two fishing rods. Anyone else would have perceived the present just as that, but she saw the symbolism in the gift. The number of times he had asked her to come fishing with him… she had lost count over the years. But she had never gone with him. And now he was giving her fishing rods… to go fishing with someone else. And not him.

Sam hugged the rods to herself. It was probably the most special gift she'd ever received and it meant a lot to her. It meant a lot to her that Jack gave them to her.

She looked around for the card that went with it. On one side were the words 'Looks like you found your catch, Carter,' with a word art picture of a pair of kissing fish on it. Sam had to give a tiny smile at that. A sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.

On the other side, Sam read the words of a simply composed poem:

"Even though we're far apart,

You will always have my heart.

Even though you're never here,

I can always lend an ear.

You may not know how much I care,

But I promised you I would be there.

So there I'll be and there'll I'll stay,

Even though you're far away."

Sam stared again. She stared at the black words until her vision became blurred with tears in her eyes.

The simple poem said so much and she let the tears fall from her eyes; tears for the hurt of the man who had given everything and lost everything. Tears for the hurt that he was feeling; hurt that she had put there. He had said it, implied it so many times that he would always be there for her, and the poem was further proof of that. He loved her. She had known that he cared for her for a long time, but she had thought that maybe his feelings for her had dwindled a bit with time, and that her feelings were no longer reciprocated after the declaration during the Zatarc saga. And she had tried to suppress her feelings and she had been able to move on. After nearly four years of loving him but not being allowed to, she had succeeded in giving up her feelings for good. She had tried, oh she had tried and it had taken a while. She hadn't really made any 'progress', especially when Jack went missing with Colonel Maybourne on that moon. That had been hard. But when he returned, he didn't have time to give her a hug hello after being missing for a month; he was too busy being annoyed at Maybourne. Maybe that was why she felt her feelings dwindling.

And after she had got stuck on Prometheus she realised that her feelings were not so intense any more.

It was only when she met Pete that she could see that her feelings for CO were disappearing fast and she had given a small cheer at it. It was almost like a burden was being lifted, a burden that had been weighing her down for years. But strangely it also left a kind of sadness, something that had been a normal part of her life, something that she had learned to live with for a long time, was gone.

But she was grateful that she had been able to love him. He was a good man… and she hurt him…

A loud knock on the door startled her out of her reverie.

Self-consciously she wiped her face and put the card into her pocket before she went downstairs and opened the door for her husband, greeting him with a kiss.

'Hey honey, are you okay?' Pete asked concerned, noticing traces of tears on her cheeks.

'Yeah, I've just been opening some presents. Some of them are very nice and… thoughtful.' Pete gave her a nod of understanding perceiving it to be a "woman thing" that he wouldn't comprehend.

The Shanahan's walked together into the kitchen. 'I tried making some spaghetti. You can eat it- if you want to. But I'll understand if you'd rather order take-out', she joked lamely, feeling a bit uneasy.

'I'll try some, Sam.' Pete smiled as he got a plate out of the drawer and dished up some of the suspicious looking bolognaise sauce.

'Your brave', Sam remarked as they walked up to their room.

'Fishing poles?' Pete said in surprise as he saw the few opened presents on the bed.

'Yeah, General O'Neill gave them to us. Good thing there are lakes in Charlotte.' Why didshe feel so nauseous?

'Sam, are you sure you're okay?' She gave a nod.

'Yeah, I just… I'm just going to go for a quick drive… well actually I'm going to drive to Loveland so I'll be two-three hours, okay?'

Pete stated his acquiesce and with another small kiss Sam left Pete (no not left left) eating the meal she made like a good boy and looking at the mound of gifts. Sam grabbed her coat and her keys and the slowly made her way out to her car and began the drive to the house of Jack O'Neill.

She started the car and quickly left before she lost her nerve.

She knew she had to talk to him. She just didn't know what she was going to say to him, or what she wanted to say to him.

Sorry just didn't seem like enough to say to him.


End of Chapter 14