Mom comes home from work at five-thirty and I hear her talking to Richard downstairs. His voice raises with every word. I roll my eyes and continue throwing clothes out of my closet. In the past when I've been interested in boys I've changed my appearance to suit them. I'm not going to do that this time. Everyone always says that I'm such an individual; it's time I started acting like one. If Charlie likes me, then he likes me.
Before today I'd never given Charlie Thomas a second thought. I wonder if my sudden attraction to him is purely out of boredom or loneliness. If Richard hadn't objected, I probably wouldn't have even called him. I don't want to be one of those girls who dates guys out of spite.
I'm pulling on a denim skirt when someone knocks on the door.
"Go away!" I shout, assuming it's Mary Anne coming to bother me again.
"It's me, honey," Mom calls out.
"Oh. Come in."
Mom opens the door and slips into the room. She's wearing one blue heel and one white heel. Her shirt is on inside out. Maybe Richard should be more concerned with getting Mom properly dressed in the morning and less concerned with my personal life.
"Have a nice chat with Richard?" I ask coolly as I button the front of my shirt.
"He's just worried about you, Dawn."
"It's not like I got picked up on the side of the road by some stranger. It's Charlie Thomas, Mom. He just gave me a ride home."
"I know that, Dawn. You know how protective Richard is. And he is your stepfather. You need to show him some respect, but Richard needs to learn to trust in your judgement. You're not a little girl anymore." Mom sits down on the bed and picks up some of my discarded clothes. "Are you going out? I thought Richard grounded you."
I shrug and start picking through my jewelry box, searching for the perfect pair of earrings. "I bumped into Sue Archer downtown today. We already made plans to see a movie."
Mom sighs. "I don't want to be caught in the middle of you and Richard. I'm not going to lift your grounding, but I'm glad you're staying in touch with your old friends. I want you to feel like Stoneybrook is home too.," Mom says, then hesitates. "I'll cover for you tonight."
"Thanks, Mom," I say, although I planned to go out with or without her permission. I feel bad lying to her, but there's only so much she would keep from Richard. She might not mind me getting rides from Charlie Thomas, but she would feel differently if she knew he was taking me out tonight.
"I'll let you finish getting ready, sweetheart," Mom says, standing up. She kisses me on the forehead and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.
I brush my hair until it's smooth and shiny, then put on some dusty pink eyeshadow and freshen my lip gloss. At five-fifty I quietly walk down the stairs. I hear Mom, Richard and Mary Anne in the kitchen, talking softly, their silverware clinking against their plates. I slip out the front door and hurry down the driveway, hoping Richard or Mary Anne don't spot me from the window. I wait for Charlie at the corner of Burnt Hill and High Street. Shuttling Kristy to all those BSC meetings has taught Charlie about punctuality; I see his Volvo coming down the street at exactly one minute to six. I step off the curb and wave him over.
"I could have picked you up at your house," Charlie tells me when I open the passenger side door.
"I needed the fresh air," I say with a sigh.
"Gotcha," Charlie says with a knowing smile. "That pretty much sums up my summer. There's so many people living in my house, sometimes it's hard to breathe."
"I feel like that even when I'm alone in the house. I think it's Stoneybrook. Something about it is suffocating, like everyone's used up all the air."
Charlie grins. "Good thing we're getting out for the night."
We drive to the mall, and unlike this afternoon Charlie speeds along with his foot firmly on the accelerator. We turn the thirty minute drive to Stamford into a twenty minute one. I'm not sure if this is normal or if he's just trying to impress me. When we reach the mall, Charlie makes a sharp turn into a parking spot and screeches to a halt.
"So where to?" Charlie asks me as we enter the mall.
I glance around thinking, having not really thought about it before now. What does a couple do on a date at the mall? I can't really see Charlie and me browsing through the non-fiction section at The Bookcenter or trying on clothes at Steven E. We walk over to the mall map by the front doors and look at our options.
"We could see a movie," Charlie suggests.
"That's what everyone does. We need to do something fun," I reply, running my finger down the store directory. "Hey, there's a petting zoo on the third floor!" I exclaim.
"How could you not know that? I thought you were all about animal rights. Kristy said you were one of those crazy environmentalists."
"I haven't been here in a while," I say. I'm struck with sudden inspiration. "We should liberate those animals, Charlie! No animal should live in a shopping mall."
Charlie laughs. "Sure, I'm down for some liberating. Operation: Animal Emancipation underway!"
We're both laughing as we take the escalator to the third floor. By the time we reach the petting zoo I can barely walk, I'm laughing so hard. We attempt to put on straight faces as Charlie pays the admission fee. We wander around for a while, casing the zoo. The old man working the entrance looks at us suspiciously, like he's onto our scheme.
"Look at these rabbits," Charlie whispers. "I bet I could fit a couple down my pants. How many do you think you could fit in your shirt?"
I giggle and look down at my shirt as if to measure my under-shirt capacity. "I'd say three or four."
"Well these lop-eared ones are pretty big, so we should go for these little Netherland dwarves."
"Charlie Thomas, that's rabbit profiling!" I scold him. "Frankly, I'm shocked by your lack of sensitivity." This is the silliest date I've ever been on.
"Okay, you're right," Charlie replies, reaching into the rabbit pen. He pulls out an enormous black and white lop and stuffs it under his navy blue rugby shirt. Then he starts walking toward the entrance taking long, exaggerated strides.
The old man chuckles and says, "All right kids, put the rabbit back." Little does he know how serious we are.
Charlie turns around and returns the rabbit to its pen. At this point I'm laughing so hard I'm doubled over. I have to leave the petting zoo. Charlie follows soon after, and the old man shakes his head as we leave.
"I think that rabbit peed under my shirt! That's gratitude for you," Charlie tells me, as we head toward the escalator.
"Maybe the liberation was a bad idea. Let's just get something to eat."
"How about grilled rabbit?" Charlie says, as he sniffs the hem of his shirt.
I punch him playfully in the arm and say, "How about just a salad?"
"Oh you mean rabbit food?" he asks, then laughs at his own joke.
I roll my eyes and speed up my walk, like I am completely exasperated with him. Charlie increases his stride until he catches up with me. We walk a few more steps, then Charlie takes my hand in his. My heart quickens in my chest. Neither of us say anything, we just stare straight ahead, but I can't help smiling.
When we reach the food court we spend a few minutes debating where to eat. We settle on Casa Grande, which has the best Mexican food in Connecticut. Charlie and I both order a number seven, cheese enchiladas with rice, and I insist on paying for my own meal.
When our order comes up and we fill our drinks we sit down at one of the cozy plastic tables in the corner. We eat for a couple minutes in silence, then I ask, "Does Kristy know you're out with me?"
Charlie hesitates and blushes. "Not...not exactly," he stammers.
"Yeah, Richard would kill me if he knew I was out with you," I tell him, then think about it for a moment and correct myself. "No, he'd kill you."
"Do you think I could take him?"
I cock an eyebrow. "How many years did you live next door to him? What do you think?"
"Seriously, though. Is he that tough on you?" Charlie asks as he takes a bite of his enchilada.
I shrug. "He's okay as long as you don't step out of line. And his lines are drawn pretty close together. When Mom and Richard announced their engagement last year I never really thought about how it would really be to have him as a stepfather. I was so excited about being Mary Anne's stepsister. I loved the romantic idea of reuniting star-crossed lovers. I just never considered the reality of being part of a blended family. And the reality sucks."
Charlie takes a sip of his soda and nods. It feels good to get that off my chest.
Charlie looks up from his soda and says, "I know what you mean. When Mom and Watson got married I thought it would be a lot different. I thought I was getting a replacement dad, and we were all getting a second chance at a happy family. But Watson only acts like a dad when it's convenient for him. Sometimes I think his generosity is just a way to look good. He never even suggested buying me a car until the engine of the Junk Bucket blew up in the driveway. And he only offered because all the neighbors were standing around staring."
I laugh. "Do you really think that's true?"
"Sometimes I do, sometimes I'm not sure."
"Well, at least we're both getting out of here at the end of summer."
"I'm counting the days," Charlie says nonchalantly, then glances up with a funny look in his eye. I'm not sure what that look means, but Charlie changes the subject before I can overthink it.
After we finish eating, Charlie and I walk upstairs to Cinema World and check out the features, but there's nothing either of us care to see. I'd rather spend my time talking, anyway, and I think he feels the same. So instead we walk around the mall for awhile. Charlie holds my hand the entire time.
When we tire of mall walking we head back to the car and drive back into Stoneybrook. As soon as we're inside the city limits I tell Charlie that I'm not ready to go home yet. He isn't ready either. So we drive around town for awhile and somehow end up in the parking lot of Stoneybrook Elementary. Charlie turns off the engine and unlatches his seatbelt. For a minute we just sit there, not saying anything, staring out onto the dark playground.
"Want to go on the monkey bars?" Charlie asks, with a small chuckle.
"No," I reply. Then I unlatch my seatbelt and lean over. I don't give him a chance to meet me halfway, I just press my mouth onto his and slip my tongue between his lips. I'm not sure when I got to be so bold; my friend Sunny would be so proud.
Charlie doesn't stop me and rests his hand on the small of my back and slides his tongue against mine. After a few minutes Charlie pulls away, his breath heavy. I can almost hear his heart pound in his chest. There is vague panic in his eyes.
"What's wrong?" I ask, brushing my hair away from my face.
"I keep remembering that you're only fourteen. I don't know if we should be doing this," he says a bit reluctantly.
"It's only kissing."
"And it's nice, but..."
"You're thinking too hard," I say, and move in again. This time we kiss a little longer and I make my way down his neck, leaving a trail of kisses along his jawline. Charlie's hands tighten around my waist and I run my fingers through his hair. Before tonight I've only kissed a handful of boys, and never like this. I don't even know if I'm doing it right, but Charlie seems to like it.
While I'm kissing his throat I attempt to readjust into a more comfortable position by swinging my leg over to straddle his waist. Unfortunately during the move I press up against the steering wheel, setting off the horn. Charlie laughs, until my leg slips and my knee presses into his groin. His eyes widen, like he suspects I did it intentionally. I'm not that forward.
"Dawn, we have to stop," Charlie says in an unconvincing tone.
I know he's right. We really hardly know each other, and this is moving really fast. He's four years older than me and I haven't even begun high school. I'm completely inexperienced. This doesn't make sense at all. But I don't want to waste my time in Stoneybrook with nothing happening to me while everything happens to everyone else. Maybe it's finally my turn.
"Do you really want to stop?" I ask, looking straight into his eyes.
Charlie stares back at me, clearly thinking, then moves his hand down to the side of the driver's seat. He pushes the driver's seat back as far as it will go and then we recline. Charlie moves his hands back to my waist and pulls me toward him. I lower my lips to his, and this time he doesn't stop me.
An hour later Charlie drops me off at the corner of Burnt Hill and High Street. Charlie's hair is rumpled so I reach over to smooth it out. He's the first boy I ever made out with, and it's surprising how hard it was to not go further than that. I'm not sure exactly what's come over me. Is this more than wanting excitement?
Charlie leans over and kisses me softly. "Good night," he murmurs, then I get out of the car. Charlie sits in his car and watches me until I turn up my driveway. I walk quietly up the front steps and peer through the window. The lights are on but I don't see anyone moving inside. I slip soundlessly into the house and tiptoe toward the stairs, but it's an old house full of creaking floorboards that give me away.
"Dawn, could you come in here please," Mom calls from the living room.
I groan and throw my purse onto the stairs and trudge half-heartedly into the living room. Mom and Richard are sitting on the couch silently, staring straight ahead. Richard is frowning, with his hands folded in his lap. When I enter the room, Mom turns toward me, stretching her arm across the back of the couch.
"So. Mary Anne tells us Sue Archer moved to Cincinnati in June," Mom tells me in a perfectly calm voice. "That's a long way to go to see a movie."
Busted.