Congressmen Sam Seaborn was known for being extremely loyal to his district.
It was as if he owed them something. It was because of that he had become known as the ghost of DC. He rarely made it to DC any more unless it was absolutely necessary. Now that his friends had scattered about the country he seemed to come even less. He was there only for important votes, crucial meetings and of course in support of his president.
It was a conflict of interest issue as well. He couldn't really have an all access relationship with his former work place. It wasn't appropriate. For a while, he had met with Josh and the rest of his friends when he was in town and they had the time; which was rare.
He spoke to Josh regularly, and Will since he had gone to the Vice President's office. Will's sister was Sam's chief of staff, and he knew he spoke to her daily. That's how he had kept up with Donna, not that he had spoken to her either.
That would have been a personal conflict of interest. Josh, no matter how long it had been since he'd seen him, was still his best friend. He knew that Donna had gone to work with Josh for Santos after the primaries. Leo had told him that over a quick lunch they had shared on the campaign trail. Sam was concerned with Josh's health and sanity. Leo had simply smiled and shook his head.
"Donna will have him back in top form in no time." He'd laughed.
"I don't know, Leo." Sam had laughed. "Hell has no fury as a Josh scorned."
"True, but this is Donna." He lowered his sun glasses. "He needs her more now then ever."
Sam had seen him at the Wedding, Leo was right. Josh's face never broke into a real smile, as he greeted his pseudo-family. It was his political grin he had on as he clapped Sam's back, his eyes darting around looking for his candidate. He'd been like that until the rest of his new team arrived. Until Donna arrived, in his favorite red dress. Sam had seen the look in Josh's eyes and the way his lips had parted as she walked towards him. She looked at him as she greeted Sam.
"My God, Joshua, why do you even try?" She shook her head, not seeing Sam's lost expression. Josh looked pained.
"I'm used to having someone to do it for me." He whispered in the warmest voice Sam had heard from him in quite a while.
Donna's face flickered about six different emotions before her hands rose to his neck, untying and retying his bow tie. Her fingers expertly moved the fabric into the perfect shape. She drew herself back and studied him. Sam saw the concern wash over her as she assessed Josh. He took her by the shoulders as she smoothed out the collar of his dress shirt, leaning forward and kissing his cheek.
That's when Josh smiled his truest dimpled smile. He let her go, as she mumbled something about Helen Santos, letting his hands fall to his sides looking just a little lost, but calmer. Sam knew then that Leo was even more brilliant than any of them had known.
Now Leo was gone. Sam worried about the President and Mallory, but he was frightened for Josh. This was not something that his friend would handle well. He silently thanked Leo for knowing that Josh would need Donna, it was almost foreshadowing this very moment.
Sam swallowed hard as he walked past the White House Guards.
"Congressman." The only one he knew called out his title as a greeting.
"John." Sam nodded back, looking up to see Margaret coming to sign him in.
"They're in the Garden room." She said softly signing the paper John offered her, Sam smiled and nodded at him. Walking the familiar path to his friends.
"Sam." It was Donna's sweet voice that brought him back from where his mind was. She stood up from Josh's side and hugged him.
"Home again, home again." He listened to the strain in her whisper before he released her back down to Josh. Josh extended his arm to him.
"Hey Buddy." Josh looked half dead, face gray and his eyes red. He shot Donna a quick wince, she shrugged.
He joined Donna and Josh on the couch, reaching over his best friend and resting his hand on the ball of her shoulder.
"Has anyone talked to Mallory?" He asked as the room became too quiet. Margaret was nodding when CJ looked up at him.
"Margaret and I both have. She's doing about as well as can be expected." CJ hesitated before she spoke again and Sam caught that. " Her husband's on his way back from Mexico, business or something. You should call her, Sam."
"Probably not." He said softly looking past CJ to Charlie who raised his eye brows and shrugged.
"She could probably really use an old friend right now." Danny insisted coming around behind CJ.
Sam nodded again. He wondered what Ainsley would think of him calling up Mallory McGarry.. what ever her last name was now.
"Sam's girlfriend's a republican. They're not really into the whole charitable contribution thing." Josh said in the way only he could.
"Stop." Donna whispered, her hand dropping onto Josh's knee.
"Kay." He sighed, laying his hand on top of hers possessively.
Sam had seen them do this before of course. He'd seen it almost every day after the shooting. Their silent way of owning each other in a very politically correct way. This was different though, he noticed the way he had leaned his forehead into hers. Something was changing.
He smiled for a moment thinking of when Leo had them make a contingency plan after the shooting, when it seemed that the two of them were destined for coupledom.
It had happened on Air Force One. Josh and Donna had always lived in this strange reality that there was an opaque, sound proof bubble around them while they were on the plane. The two of them sat in their customary seats, armrest between them removed, tangled up in each other. Donna was sleeping, as close to being in Josh's lap as the pile of files he was holding permitted her to be. Josh had his head phones on, listening to what Sam was sure was notes Donna had recorded for him for this very purpose. His hand slipped down though Donna's blonde locks.
"Okay Gang," Leo had begun. "I know we joked about it before, but after Roslyn," he shook his head and looked up at CJ. "You've got to be ready."
Sam nodded in agreement as CJ met his eyes. He wouldn't have thought they would have acted on their feelings until they left the White House, but that was before Roslyn.
"And by the looks of them, we need to get on this now." Leo looked towards them and Sam followed his eyes. Donna was awake now, she'd leaned up and pulled one of the ear pieces out of Josh's ear and whispered something to him. Her lips touching his ear as she did this. He turned his head towards her and nodded. Then, in the most public display of affection Josh could ever had mustered he kissed her forehead. "Before we get off this plane."
Sam watched Donna slip a small plastic pill case out of her bag and look at them, quickly counting, before handing it to Josh along with a bottle of water. Roslyn had changed everything.
"Well, Leo would love this." Came a soft voice from the door.
"Mrs. Bartlett." Margaret began rising to her feet, the rest of the crowd shuffled as Abby waved her hands dismissing their instinctive formal response. "Come on! Come on sit down." Despite her protests she saw Sam and Josh jump up to vacate a their seats for her. She shook her head and walked over to where Charlie was standing. She hugged him tighly.
"How is he?" He said from her shoulder.
"He's okay." She said smartly. "You did wonderfully. Major in-law points." Charlie nodded to her as she pulled him back. "He's asleep. Zoë wants to see you back at the residence though."
She smiled at how the young man slipped out of the office with out a goodbye.
"How is he really, Ma'am?" CJ asked again.
"Oh please CJ, try to just let me be Abby today." She regreted saying this when she sees CJ's face and shoots her an apologetic look. "Sorry. He's awful."
"He's so terrified that Josh feels responsible, he's too busy to notice he shouldn't feel responsible." Her eyes shot to Josh. "How are you doing, Sweetheart?" Josh nodded trying to look certain. "Donna, Honey, how's he doing?"
"We're still a little on the shocked side, but we're handling it, Ma'am. Abby." The First Lady smiled in gratitude. Then again when she thought of how Donna had phrased her answer. We're. That made Abby feel better.
"Margaret? Who's with the baby?" She asked suddenly, hoping that the woman hadn't felt obligated to stay.
"Bonnie." The woman pressed her lips together, Abby watched her look around the room. She knew the other woman was thinking about Leo. His presence had hung heavily over this room long after he resigned. Now he seemed to be enmeshed in the very oxygen inside of it. "Is it late?"
Abby Bartlett watched as everyone's eyes began to go towards the clocks in the room, the watches on their wrists. She smiled as Donna brushed her hand across Josh's Rolex, shaking her head and extending her wrist to him.
"It's three am." Josh sighed rubbing his palms across his face.
"Ah, the politicians day has just begun." Abby crooned. "Mine is ending. Brunch tomorrow at the residence, all of you. You too Danny." Mrs. Bartlett lowered her eyes before she spoke again. "Then anyone that is not directly involved with this White House will go and visit Toby." She looked up to early and saw CJ cringe her head bobbing back so her eyes met the ceiling. "Goodnight, Kids."
They all mumbled their goodnights as they contemplated the Toby comment. Josh lowered his head for a moment, feeling Donna's warm hand on the back of his neck. He could hear CJ's uneven breathing from across the room. He felt a wave of anger cross him, he hated Toby. For a few seconds, he hated Toby.
Danny was rubbing CJ's back when he got the courage to look up at her.
"How did he take it, Sam?" She said blankly not looking in his direction.
"In true Toby fashion. He made me repeat it about four times, said a monotone 'okay', and then things started crashing to the floor." Josh felt himself leaning into Donna as Sam spoke. He and Toby, well, he and Toby had things left unsaid. "Typical Toby."
"I gotta…" Josh's voice rose from his hands as he stood up. Donna pulled back in surprise. "I'm.. I'll be right.." With that he wandered out of the room. He could hear Sam asking Donna what was going on. He heard Donna start to avoid the question as he made his way out of the Garden Room.
He made his way out on to one of the balcony's, trying to force air into his lungs. His head was pounding as he slowly looked around from the door way. He felt her come up behind him before he heard her soft clicking foot steps. A slow safe smile came to his face.
"Josh?" She put her hands on his sides and he grasped her wrists and pulled her arms around him. He felt her sigh as her body leaned against his back. Her head pressed into the nape of his neck breaking his resolve. She held him, without looking at him, as he cried. He felt her rock him slowly softly back and forth. When he stopped, he turned around and walked her to their couch. She settled beside him.
"I couldn't breathe here with out you." Josh had heard himself say this before he could second guess himself.
"Josh." She put her hands to his face.
"It was someplace that I didn't even know." He stood up and walked over to a bench. "Now," He began, turning his face to her. "Now I just want to slip back here and go back to my life." Donna's eyes watched him carefully. He could see her lips trembling. Now or never Lyman. "I know why you left, Donna. What I don't know is why you stayed so long."
"You know why, Josh." Her voice pleaded as she dropped next to him, her whole world revolved around the fact that he knew.
"I wasn't worth it Donna, I wasn't." His knew his eyes shone with pain by the way Donna's nose had scrunched up.
She leaned forward to catch his eyes, shaking her blonde head from side to side trying to erase the words he'd just said.
"Don't do this, don't." She whimpered into his eyes. "I loved you enough to stay. You loved me too much to tell me to go."
He nodded at her, and she took his hand in hers.
"When did you stop?" Her lips slipped apart when he said this.
"Josh.." He wanted to know, he needed to, Josh thought through his impatient haze.
"Was it Gaza? Did you blame me for-?" She put her hand across his mouth to stop him.
"Why are you so stupid?" Her wide blue eyes drilled into his.
"Wow." He tried to look irritated.
"I had to go Josh. Don't you get that? It was about being stuck in our ridiculous cycle. About never being able to be with you. Not in the way that I wanted to be, not as equals."
"You were always my equal." He shook his head violently.
"You were my boss Josh, how were we-." She shook her head just as fiercely.
"Wait!" He put up his hand. "Wait, we're getting off track."
"What?!"
"Donnatella Moss, do you still love me?"
"Of course I do you idiot!" She smacked him with the back of her hand.
"Are you sure?" He squeaked. "Because you just called me an idiot back there?"
She huffed out at laugh and he reached out and touched her face.
"Can we do this? Can we really do this?" He whispered softly.
She smiled again, leaning forward just a little until their faces were inches apart.
"Kiss me, Joshua."
And he did.
"God, can't leave you two unattended for a second." CJ shouted, faking horror as she turned away.
Donna jumped a little before laying her head on Josh's shoulder.
"Hey CJ," Josh mumbled. "Impeccable timing as usual."
Donna wiped her lip stick off of his neck.
"You're just doing this to make me jealous." She teased.
"You had your chance with me, Claudia Jean." He whispered. "Besides I think Danny might object."
"I'm not so sure about that."
"How'd he get here, CJ." She smirked at Josh's question.
"He took a cab." She quipped.
"Speaking of cabs." Donna whispered, pressing her lips to his temple before standing up. "I'm going to call us one."
"'Kay." He whispered back, waiting for the door to close before turning back to his friend.
"I'm here to tell you that you shouldn't let work get in the way." He shook his head. "I almost lost her, CJ. If Bingo Bob had won the primaries, I would have. So, how did Danny get here."
CJ knew Josh had seen through her and it made tears come to her tired eyes.
"He called, asked if I was all right. I said No. He said, he'd be right there." She wiped her eyes and sniffed. "He hasn't left my office yet."
"Sounds pretty nice to me." The Chief of Staff watched him smile in the direction that Donna had gone. "I swear to you CJ, I almost lost her."
"Yeah." She breathed.
"When we see Toby tomorrow, do you want me to tell him anything that you most definitely did not tell me to say?"
"No." It came out of her mouth too quickly, as she turned back to the bull pen. She knew that Josh was still waiting for her real answer. "Tell him.. I miss him."
"Good night Donna." She called as she opened the door. Donna smiled at her before turning to look at Josh.
"Lets go home." He whispered wrapping his arms around her.
CJ made her way back to her office.
"Hey Beautiful. How you do-." She stopped his lips with hers. "CJ?"
"Quit your job." She ordered, slipping tightly into his arms.
"Honey?" His voice was soft and dark and it made her hold her breath.
"Quit your job and hold my hand." She held his eyes in her own. She knew her lips were trembling, but she couldn't stop them. "I'm scared and I need someone to hold my hand." She took a deep breath. "No. Danny? I need you to hold my hand."
"Okay." He told her simply, lacing her hands in his and squeezing. She leaned her forehead against him and cried.
He didn't want visitors. He didn't even want to see his family. He hated himself, and that made him laugh. He looked back to the intercom.
"Toby open the door!" He'd known Josh would sound guilty. Hell, Josh's buzzer had even sounded guilty. It didn't matter though, Toby felt guiltier and he wasn't going to let Josh and his abandonment issues take that away from him.
"I'm calling Ginger. Maybe she'll still have a key." Donna's voice amused him. He quickly hit the intercom.
"Donna, not everyone in the West Wing had their assistant going through their underwear drawer." He snickered sadistically into the box by the door.
"Come on, Toby, I did not come all the way from California to talk to your intercom." Sam. Sam was there too, awesome.
"Fine." He buzzed them in. He was pouring himself another brandy when they came in the door. "Hello friends." He listened to it role sarcastically off of his tongue. "What do I owe this visit to?"
"Jeez, I don't know Toby, we're in town, catching up. Oh yeah, Leo's dead." Josh's voice was hard and angry. It made Toby smile.
"Josh." Donna's quiet voice forced him to look towards them. She had her hands around Josh's arm and his own were, as usual, in the pockets of his coat. He looked as guilty as Toby expected. Sam looked sad. That was worse. He didn't want Seaborn's pity.
"Come on, Toby." Congressman Pity began. "We wanted to know how you are. We wanted to tell you that we were here for you if you needed to talk."
"Talk?" His voice was louder than he had expected it to be. It made him take another gulp from his snuffer. "Okay, great! I'll talk. Leo, the man that I have to thank for giving me every opportunity I've squandered, is dead. He died, thinking, correctly, that I had betrayed my president and cause political crisis" He swung his arms when he spoke Brandy slipping over the rim of the glass onto his hands. I cannot protect my children, or their mother, from the press. I cannot see my best friend and tell her I'm sorry I almost sent her to jail, or apologize to the beloved man that I wronged." He snorted in disgust of himself. "What's new with all of you?"
"I'm sorry. The First Lady thought you would like visitors." Sam spoke slowly, as if Toby was dumb.
"I don't." He yelled back at them.
"Yeah, Okay, we got that. Sam lets go." He watched Josh confer silently with Donna.
"You guys go ahead. I'm going to stay for a while."
"Ooo. Fun." Toby said raising his eyebrows to mock the other man, his former protage. His former friend. "Really Sam, save yourself for someone who isn't political suicide."
Josh had led Donna to the door now. Toby saw him looking back in angst. Ah, the Lymann guilt. It was getting old. Toby decided.
"Oh," Josh said sadly looking back over his shoulder. "The Jackal wanted you to know she misses you." Toby's jaw clenched, CJ. The feeling of pain that he had tried so hard to drown was now surfacing again. "Did you want me to not tell her anything."
"My apartments not bugged, Josh. You don't have to talk in code." Toby wasn't sure why he thought yelling was the way to fix his problem. "You can tell CJ, not to waste her precious time on me."
Josh nodded curtly, Donna looked at Toby like she wanted to throw something at him. It wasn't until Josh had opened the door that he found the words he needed.
"Josh," He smirked a little at the thought of CJ doing 'the Jackal'. "Tell her that she's been amazing. Tell her that I'm sorry I did this too her." Lyman nodded again as he and Donna left. This time softly, with out looking at him. Toby wondered why each of them always looked away during the hard parts. He did look now at Sam Seaborn who sat like a statue on his couch.
"So," Toby knew he was trying to sound casual, but Sam didn't do casual. "I'm pretty sure Donna and Josh are finally getting it on, CJ has Danny turning in his press pass and the First Lady is demanding that everyone call her 'Abby' now. Oh! Rumor has it that Liz's husband is banging the nanny."
Toby's face betrayed him. He couldn't help it, he had to smile. He knew it must have looked awkward on his face by the way Sam's eyebrows came together above his nose.
"Leo's dead four days and the whole place goes to hell." He starts laughing now. He's not sure why, as he flops down on the couch beside Sam and puts his hand on his forehead. "Abby, huh? Great. Why don't we just play the Beverly Hillbillies song from now on, instead of hail to the chief. Leo did not fight for this for us to turn it into a disaster in the last inning. What in the hell are we doing?" He looked at Sam's sympathetic face. His shoulders shook. "What did I do? Did you know that when I joined the campaign for Bartlett Leo fired everyone but me? Do you know how many times he said 'Toby I need you?' I failed him Sam. I failed him. I failed CJ and Jed Bartlett and my party." He took a breath looking into his glass. "But most of all, I failed him."
Sam was quiet for a while, then purposefully he turned to face Toby. Toby watched Seaborn's eyes fall on the snuffer of Brandy.
"So that's what you do? You drown your pain the same way he tried to drown his? You tarnish his memory by slipping into the trap that held him for years? The one that kept him just to the right of the Oval Office? That's a little ironic, even for you, isn't it, Toby?"
Zigler looked into the glass again before throwing it against the wall. He was satisfied by the way it broke into pieces. If Sam was shocked, he didn't let it show.
"The President asked me if you and I could write something for the funeral. I'll make some notes and you can go over them." Toby watched Sam stand and head for the door. "I have Ainsley working on getting you in to the funeral. She thinks if you sit with your attorney, and Babish sits somewhere between you and the president it should be okay. She's got some pretty strong connections in government legal." Sam looked back over his shoulder. "I'll send you my notes." Toby watched him point to where the glass had landed. "You should clean that up before Molly and Huck come by."
Toby looked down at his hands now as Sam closed the door behind himself.
"I'm sorry, Leo." He said to No one. "I'm sorry."