Joyous Heartache

Chapter 13: The depth of the heart

A/N- 27th February: if I was completely frank with everyone I'd say something like this.

I want this story to finish so I can write paris and Keeping Faith

There we go

But for now, another chapter of JH!

Actually… if rethinking, this could be the second last chapter!

Enjoy! Remember to review (it'd be nice to get up to the 200 mark! Hint hint!)

18th June: Well, I'm finally looking at this chapter again, I know, awful, I haven't even thought about writing it for a while, I've been too busy, and writing other things. But holidays are coming up, and so hopefully I'll finish it during then. I'm just bubbling over with new ideas for new stories, and I cant wait to write them!

Its important to realise that this chapter deals with a lot of things, it opens the paths for events that are going to happen in the last chapter, and it takes you on a journey through Kayels history, which will become important in the last couple of chapters. It reveals much of the history of all characters, and finally explains the friendship between Matt, Takeru and Tai. It mainly takes us on a journey through the past, but also, something will happen that I know many of you are going to be pleased.

Please review!

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They had been sitting in that same tent for quite a while, the two brothers talking, with Kayel sitting quietly by the side, his eyes wandering around the tent trying to find something more interesting to look at than feeling under the wary gaze of the eldest prince.

When Yamato had found out that Kayel was a common prisoner who had once served under the Kamiyan King he had given the boy a look of unamused surprise and suspicion. That was when Kayel knew he was not welcome.

"I don't know what he's planning, and I don't know what will happen, but I don't think that we can stop this war now." Yamato said quietly, having heard TK relate the events back to him.

Kayel, who had been listening patiently until now, intersected into the conversation, his voice loud and strong, "Then who will?"

Yamato looked up sharply, his eyes forming a glare as he looked at the younger boy, his feelings of distrust for Kamiyans ran far too deep. "Nobody asked you to fight for us,"

"Nobody asked you people to start a war."

Yamato's glare hardened, "Why don't you go and tell your prince that?"

The teenagers forest green eyes looked hard, with a wry smile on his face, "Why do you think I was in prison?"

"Matt!" Takeru intervened, "He's allowed to have his own opinion if he wants, understand?" He sent Kayel a reassuring smile, and Kayel sent it back unsurely before staring intently at Yamato. That was not how he meant to start things out.

"I understand," Yamato countered, a bit stunned that Takeru took Kayels side so quickly. "I just don't trust him."

The look of hurt past fleetingly through Kayels forest green eyes, before he put up a mask of stone.

"That's all, Tk." he smiled, once again blocking out the others presence, "I'm glad your back, but I'd like to talk to you in private soon"

"Me too Yama" He said, standing up, "C'mon Kay."

Kayel stood up, sending one more look to Yamato, before continuing out of the tent to Takeru.

Although he had meant to stay with Takeru, it proved to be much harder than he had first expected, with Takeru having so many duties being back with his own people, Kayel felt slightly isolated and in the way, and so he walked off on his own, trying to find his aura of calmness again.

Kayel sat by the campfire, watching the way its reflected light was shimmered in the dark forboding trees around him. He wasn't questioning his decision, but he was unsure of how it would affect certain others.

It was the first time he felt truly alone. Even by himself in the cells he didn't feel this alone, and now here he was, surrounded by people, out in the sunlight again, and he felt alien, abandoned, and self conscious. It was like he was being assessed every time anyone saw him. That was why he needed to get away for a while, even being alone made him feel more comfortable, more welcome than he did closer to where all the activity was.

It wasn't always like this, he used to naturally be a very open and confident person, and although that side of him still appeared sometimes, without the influence of his family, and spending 6months in prison due to that openness had made him much more untrusting.

They were out in the fields, A boy who must have been younger than 6 was holding a rather big and clumsy sword. His hands were holding onto it with uneasiness, as if he wasn't sure what to do with it.

With him was a much older person, who looked much alike to him with his dark hair, and vibrant green eyes that made him look more like 20 instead of 35. His sword seemed moulded to his hands, and seemed to match the ragged look, in comparison to the confident cheeky innocence of the young child.

Suddenly the older of the two lunged, their swords clashing lightly, although the younger one seemed to be having a hard time moving the large object about.

"Down Kay!" He called to his son, ordering him to drop his swords defence. "that wont do anything against your opponent. If you want to protect yourself against other people you must not ever let them in, keep your guard up at all times, and hold your sword erect. Yes! That's it, now… you attack like this."

The boy seemed confused and lightly dropped his sword to the ground, "I don't understand, Da, I don't want you to get hurt, not ever, so why are we fighting?"

The older man smiled slightly at his young child, "Kayel, you have to understand, son. I'm in the army, and that means that somedays, I'm going to get hurt real bad. Everytime that we go into that battle field there's a chance that I wont come back, but war is on the horizon, son, no matter how far away, and if that happens one day, I want you to be prepared. I want you to be able to look after your ma if anything ever happens, and I want you to be able to protect yourself. Cunning and wit wont get you everywhere."

"But, Da, I thought you didn't like the army, so why do you get hurt for it?" He inquired, "You'd be happier if you weren't, and Mama and I would be real sad all alone without you, so why cant you not be in it?"

"That's just the way things are at the moment, Kay… Maybe they'll change someday soon."

He didn't know why his fathers advice came back to him now, all these years later. Perhaps because he felt like he had let down his father, now the war was starting, and he couldn't be there to protect his mother. He was only 5 at the time, but his father wanted him to be prepared. 20yrs of serving an army he did not like or trust would do that to a person. And now, after 11years, he remembered the advice 6months too late. He supposed it was rather fitting for the situation he was thrust into now.

A 10 year old Kayel opened the door to their farmhouse cottage, he swung it open with an air of authority and joy. His father had been away for almost 3 months, and although the salary kept on coming in, it was hard work to keep waiting. Now the soldiers were finally home, from the campaign. His father had already missed his new daughters first birthday and last year during Tori's second birthday he'd been called away. Her third was coming up in just a few months. He'd promised he wouldn't miss it.

He put on his natural roguish smile as he spoke, "About T-" Whatever quirky thing he was about to say was lost in the air as he looked at the stranger who was wearing a black uniform.

"May I help you?" He asked, a sinking feeling in his heart. This was not his father. It was supposed to be his father.

"Is this the Miyoto residence?" The stranger asked in a stony voice.

"Yes" he answered rudely, his sharp tongue and rapid emotions getting in the way of polite conversation.

"Is your mother home?" He had asked, looking around the small, dark rooms.

"She's working again," he answered, matching the others monotone voice, but it was true, his mother had been working overtime a lot lately.

The stranger in black's voice was stone cold, "Then it is my deepest regrets to inform you of the death of Soldier 409," he said handing a piece of paper to the stunned child.

The words hit Kayel like ice, and he looked down to the floor, his face showing utter despair, and somewhat confusion. How could they not have known already?

This is how they treated someone who was in their service for the majority of his life? His father was just a number to them, one among thousands that had fallen, and on the tombstone in some strange and foreign land, at his fathers resting place, it wouldn't say any heartfelt message of love. Just #409.

His father deserved more than numbers. He was more than just #409, he was a friend, a guide, a mentor, a new father, an old father, a son, a husband.

But to the army he was just #409.

Somehow, to Kayel, it wasn't so much of a surprise, more of a shock. He felt as if he'd known that it would happen someday, sometime soon, but not now… not with Satori so young.

Looking down at the piece of paper, the one that had drastically changed that course of the future in a matter of seconds, it became too much.

The date of death was over two months ago.

Kayel shook his head, willing the memories to leave his head. It was in that moment that his world had crumbled, he had become a mentor, father, brother and naïve child in just a couple of words.

He understood then why his mother had been working overtime for so long, because the wages were not coming in. They had no more money, and so she was going to have to labour hard and long so that he could finish his education, and so Tori could survive.

That hadn't lasted long though

"I don want you to go Kay" The little 6 year old girl held onto her older brother tightly.

"Hey," Kayel knelt down to his sisters level, "I wont be gone too long, right? Tori, you have to understand, I just have to go get some training, and then I'll be home all the time."

His voice spoke of maturity, too much for a 14 year old boy, thrust into the role of a mentor for his little sister at such a young age. She didn't remember her father, and she never would, but she remembered her older brother, for now at least.

she looked so much like her mother, while Kayel looked a lot more like his father, except for her eyes. She had their eyes, that same gorgeous green. Her hair was a soft brown, and long, and her skin tanned slightly from working outside.

He remembered looking up at his mother, the pride that was in her eyes, but the hopeless tears as she looked at his uniform, the one that she knew her darling son was going to be trapped in for the rest of his life. Trapped in fighting for someone he didn't know, didn't trust their judgements.

Trapped in the same hopeless circle that his father had been trapped in, until the day he died for some unknown war of power, lust and greed

And he whispered something softly into his little sisters ears causing her to run back inside, standing next to her mother, clutching the plain white dress that her mother was wearing that day, and he slowly backed away, looking at them one more time, before running up the hill to his fate.

And he looked upon his family, that in the months to come, would seem to them their last view of their darling son.

Takeru was walking around, his blue eyes searching for his new close friend relentlessly, "Yamato?" his older brother turned around, "Have you seen Kayel,"

Yamato gave him a look as if to say, "Do I look like I care at all?" and Takeru just shook his head, before noticing Davis.

"I think I saw him walking down that way" his best friend said, pointing down the path to a clearing.

"Thanks Dai."

He found Kayel alone, his unruly dark hair covering his face, and his head in his arms. He was obviously lost deep in thought, and did not hear Takeru approach.

"Kay?"

His head whipped up, revealing dark, troubled eyes.

"You alright?"

He shook his head, "Just memories."

Takeru chuckled, "what ever you say,"

There were a few minutes silence, both becoming lost in their thoughts once again, and the tension steadily grew.

"I'm not welcome here," Kayel said softly, "Your brother, the Prince, he doesn't trust me."

Takeru looked up, being momentarily distracted by his own thoughts, "Who, Yamato?"

Kay nodded silently, staring around at the camp behind them.

Takeru just laughed, not the response Kayel was looking for, "Don't worry about Yamato, he handled you no different than he handles anyone. He's always cold to the people he doesn't know, but he'll warm up, eventually, as long as you're true."

Davis came up behind them, "Are we talking about Yamato again?"

Kayel smiled slightly, his eyes unsure, and Takeru nodded, "Exactly! See what I mean,"

Davis smiled, "I'm Davis by the way, the infamous best friend,"

"Then I'm Kayel," He replied, laughter in his eyes, "Which makes me the run away fugitive."

"Always nice to have those," Davis smiled kindly, "And you!" he pointed an accusatory finger at Takeru, "Stop thinking about her, its bad for your health!"

"What?" Kayel asked persistently, intrigued "Who?"

"Hikari of course," Davis waved his hand as if this was old news, and Takeru rolled his eyes melodramatically, "You can always tell, cause he gets that look on his face."

Kayels eyebrows furrowed, "What, Princess Hikari?" He looked incredulously at his friend.

"Yes, that's the one," Davis said, before Takeru could answer, "Head over heels, absolutely smitten for each other since day one." He laughed, before continuing, "She has him wrapped around her little finger,"

Kayel smirked, "And visa versa by the looks of it," He added, remembering the occurrence in the cell, and Davis laughed again, the tension from before had all but disappeared, as Kayel set into the story of how the Princess had helped them escape.

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She lay on the bed, in the same position her mother had left her, for an hour at least, hopeless tears running down her face.

I want to remember, why wont I remember?

There was nothing else she desired at that time than to understand her reasoning, understand why she was betraying her family. She knew it was important.

Slowly she stood up, bright crimson eyes were dulled with tears, as she searched through her bookcase, before her eyes lighted upon her bedside table.

She slowly fingered the piece of paper, with the one thing, the one memory of her past. It had to be the key, it was what helped her decision to help Takeru, obviously it must have some link to her past.

She skimmed over it, holding her head, forcing the memories to come.

Remember…

The voice echoed in her head, I'm glad you have history……… I wish I could remember more…………… me too.

The next voice was strangely the same as the last… reiterating what was written on the piece of paper, You must believe in who you are and trust your heart; it is the only one that doesn't lie.

"Hikari, this is your brother, Prince Taichi Kamiya,"

"Please don't forget me,"

"I'm going to take you home Hika," His face flashed before her eyes, soft blonde hair, and bright blue shining eyes, looking more youthful, more naïve than when they had recently met.

She knew that voice, her heart had been telling her all along to do what she did, not to go along with her family. Reading through the words on the piece of paper once more she made up her mind. Grapping what little things she needed, she headed out the door.

Her slippers made little sound as she walked down the grand staircase, that had been her home for the past 3 years, and 3 years only. "I'm going to take you home," What did it all mean? She had to find out, and she knew that she wasn't going to get any answers from staying here.

Reaching the door, she felt a strong hand grab her arm, and she turned around to find worried, and slightly unsure brown eyes. Her brothers face was scared, almost.

"Taichi" She nodded her head.

"Kari?" He questioned, he didn't sound the same either, he sounded different, vulnerable and unsure of his intentions, "Kari? Where are you going?"

She sniffed slightly, not meeting his eyes, "I'm going away Tai,"

"No your not," He told her, his eyes trying to catch hers as he realised how severe this situation was. "Kari, you're not."

Her eyes flashed dangerously, "You have No power over me Tai! How can you stand there, after all that you've done!"

"What?" Tai asked, "What do you mean?"

"I know, Taichi, all this time, you've been lying to me! I was hurt, and vulnerable and you used that disability against me!" She was angry now, her voice echoing throughout the small hall.

"What? I was doing it to protect you Kari, from them! This is all Takeru's fault, isn't it? You just had to go down there and speak to him!"

Her face held a look of semi shock, "So, Takeru is a part of my past?"

It was Tai's turn to look shocked, "You don't remember?"

She shook her head, her crimson eyes unsure but accusing, "I'm just going on a whim, when I was down there, it felt different," She stumbled, thinking of a way to describe it, "True. He knew me, and I felt that I really knew him. But I didn't remember anything."

"Do you want to know?" Tai asked softly, "I don't… I don't know everything but…"

He was cut off by his little sister, "No Tai! No!" she whispered urgently, "I cant trust you Tai, you've lied to me, and I don't know what to do, but anything is better than just staying here in the dark. I have to go."

She turned around again, surprised by the fact that her brother wasn't doing anything to stop her. Looking back at him, she saw the helpless look on your face, "You right, Kari," He whispered, "I have no right… I had no right."

She stared at him sadly, "You've been a good brother, Tai." She whispered, "But I think we are all being used by someone. Listen to your heart. All that you are going to gain from this war, is the loss of a best friend and a little brother; and how is that gaining anything?" she posed this question to him, not understanding the significance it would hold to him.

With that, she turned around, and ran out of the palace.

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Taichi walked back to his room, his sisters words echoing round his head. He had known this was going to happen for a long time, yet he had done nothing to change it. Now his sister was running through the city, searching for her past.

He knew that there were many things that he could do, he could wake up his father, or mother, who would issue a search party and force her to come home, he could rouse a few soldiers and follow her himself, make sure she didn't get hurt or go too close to the enemy. But he wasn't about to do any of that. He'd made enough bad choices in the past, and he wasn't going to make any more.

He also had the feeling, that what ever she was searching for, she was going have to find it out for herself, and make her own choices. She had tried her families way for 3 years. Maybe that was long enough.

He remembered what she had told him "All you are going to gain, is to lose a best friend and a brother"

These words brought forth a new feeling. Despair. Retched despair. It was hopeless, wasn't it? The circle he was trapped in now. He remembered what Takeru had said, Takeru who had looked so much like his brother. "Yamato never spoke of you like a bad person" But then, when they were younger, Yamato had been Tai's brother, not Takeru's.

Most of all, he knew that both his little sister and Takeru held some truth in their words.

His father had not been supportive of him and his mother after the death of Natsuko. He had been furiously angry, and had talked to Taichi about the honours of upholding oaths, and why the Ishida's were so low, lying about the sex of the baby. He had told him that Yamato, his toddler best friend, and his family had manipulated theirs so that they could have their ways.

He had said that because of them, his sister was going to have to be married to someone she wouldn't know, and wouldn't like. He said that the Ishida's were the reason for her failed future.

And he had chosen his father, and not his brother. He had not listened to the warnings of his heart, at such an early, and vulnerable age.

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Hikari was truly wondering what sort of a decision she had made. She coughed as she tried to walk through the bushes and tight trees. She had been walking for hours now, and it felt like a lifetime ago that she had left her brother at the Palace.

She knew that she needed answers, but she didn't even know where the enemy was camping. She hadn't even thought of it until now. She had wandered the woods without question, just listening to what her instincts told her. Did it matter? Would she wander the woods for the rest of her life, without answers?

It was only after those thoughts she noticed something, flickering in the distance. She hurried closer to it. Amazed was a major understatement for the way that she felt. She was confused as well. How did she know the right way to go?

She crouched down in the bushes, trying to catch a glimpse of who was there. It was impossible, she could see two figures, but the fire was just flickering, dying embers, and so it was impossible to make out who they were. One of the figures stood up, and gave the other a brotherly hug; she could hear his voice laughing as the other ruffled his hair, hugging him again.

Why couldn't her family be like that?

The figure moved out, and Hikari had a sudden urge to go out of the bushes. There was only one person now. Maybe she could ask him where the youngest prince was.

She came out of the bushes, and now that she was in the light she became unsure. This boy was Takeru. How could she talk to him? What would she say? That was a good thing, wasn't it?

His eyes slowly met hers, as if he'd known she was there all along, and she was amazed by the sincerity, he seemed confused, and slightly wary.

Hikari didn't meet his eyes. What had she expected him to do? It wasn't as if he would say, 'Here I am, the link to your past, Here are all your memories!'

Within a second he was next to her, as she looked at the ground, confused. Her mind was pounding, she didn't know what to do. He wiped away a tear she hadn't realised was falling, and her eyes met his.

She gazed into their blue depths, mesmerized, before he whispered, "Follow me, we need to talk"

He led her away from the camp, his hand fitting hers perfectly, soon they came to an ethereal clearing, a small lake in the middle reflected the moonlight onto their faces.

He gazed at her, unsure of why she was here, and wanting this moment to last forever. How long ago had it been since they had been together, freely? Of their own choice? He held her hands lightly, between his own, his eyes taking every detail in, every way she had changed. He didn't want it to end.

Hikari looked down, shivering in her cloak, "I want to know who I am," she whispered, "I don't know who to trust anymore, and…" her eyes darted to the lake, "I feel like I know you from… somewhere," She was so confused abnout her feelings, and her voice showed her vulnerability.

"Shh" Takeru whispered, placing a finger upon her lips, "Don't talk," He said softly, dipping his head, so his lips met hers. She didn't stop it, it felt right, and she kissed him back, softly but passionately.

That was when the dam broke loose.

She could see the stable, the sunset where they had first met. His blue eyes sparkling in the orange sunlight.

Their first kiss, him sitting on the haystack, saving her from a few days work. A girl, with long blonde hair, and green eyes… Lara… entered, laughing and teasing them both.

He whispered something into her ear, fingering her crest softly, and she could feel the tears running down her own face as she yelled at him for lying, the fact that she was a noble hurt her more than anything.

She could see him staring up at her, as the sun went down, staring across the kingdom, "I'm taking you home Hika" She could feel the joy within her heart, the fact that her boyfriend would be able to be with her as she got used to the new environment she was about to be introduced into.

She saw him, standing in front of her talking to her brother, his sword at his neck, before introducing them, as soft smile, a sad smile upon his face. She had never been so confused. "Hikari, this is your brother" his voice echoed, "Prince Taichi Kamiya"

She was yelling at her brother as he explained his reasons for hating Takeru, "Because I love him" the words echoed throughout her head, and she could see Tai's stunned face, his irritation.

Taichi was fighting, the Ishida scouts were all around, "But Take and Yama would never" she heard her voice, so trusting of the enemy princes. They had them surrounded, and she was trying to fight. She saw the hilt of a sword come down onto her head, before everything went black. She was pushed back into the present.

Takeru pulled away, and she smiled, tears shining in her eyes. She could remember, everything almost. Everything made so much more sense now. Resting his forehead upon hers so their noses were touching cutely, he smiled, and she laughed through joyous tears.

"Your brother lied to you Ri," he whispered, "I'm in love with you"

The tears rolled down her face, and she kissed him again, smiling like there was no tomorrow.

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to be continued

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Yay! I'm finished! That actually didn't take much time, I was only writing for a couple of hours, just the time between writing took a while.

Orlando is in Sydney right now. I'm so depressed. He's on a month vacation from filming POTC2, and I haven't seen him yet. One day I will. He's so close… and yet so so so far away… T.T cries hysterically Yes. I also know I'm obsessed. Don't remind me. Its all I've been thinking about for days.

I also know that I shouldn't have put all that information about Kayel in, but I had it all planned out, and I wanted to share what I thought of his life. I really like him a lot. It will probably be important in the next chapter/epilogue though. We'll see. wont let me put up song lyrics anymore! T.T I may have to delete the ones in past chapters when I review over the story…

Well. Last chapter will be coming soon. Maybe there will be an epilogue. I never did get round to writing my last epilogue though, so I think I'll just try and fit it all in next chapter.

Ok. I'm pretty disappointed with that chapter, so… tell me what you think! Constructive Criticism is appreciated.

P.S I didn't have enough time to proof read, or write responses, so just a big thankyou and hug to everyone who reviewed, I'm sure you would all much appreciate to get the story now, rather than with a response in 3 weeks. (I'm going on holidays.)

kk. c u in the last chapter!

Review!

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Sunday 19th June 2005