Jed Bartlett decided his memory was indeed failing him.
For the life of him, Bartlett could not remember why he had Sam ask Toby, to write something for him to say at Leo's funeral. He was in no condition to say anything. Sitting here holding Leo's grandchild, bouncing her up and down across his lap, her little baby shoes prancing across his failing legs, he knew he'd been wrong. He couldn't do it.
Abby had a grip on Mallory. He turned back to look at Sam. There was no way that Sam could do it. Santos? No. CJ? He wasn't going to make her say Toby's words. Josh was already shaking in Donna's firm grasp. There was no one else.
He looked to his left then. Charlie sat holding Zoë's hand like she was a doll that would break. The young man felt the Presidents gaze, years of practice, Jed figured. He saw Charlie look from the folder to him to the podium.
The older man's shaky hand picked up the folder while gripping the baby with the other. He held the speech out to his surrogate son and former assistant. Charlie nodded in understanding, taking the folder onto his lap. He would do it. It was his job now.
Josh Lyman could not for the life of him, listen to Charlie Young.
He knew he should tell Donna, lean over to her and whisper that he couldn't focus, could hardly breathe.
"My name is Charlie Young. President Bartlett asked me to read this on his behalf.
Leo McGarry was many things. Father. Grandfather. Friend, Confidant. Public Servant. Vietnam Veteran…
Leo McGarry was a man of second chances. He was willing to give them, and take them, with a deep compassion for the weakness of the human soul."
That was as far as Josh got. After that his mind went hazy. He couldn't think anymore, about Leo being dead, about the campaign being in ruin, or about Toby facing prison. He tried to think of something else, but it all just seemed to tumble around him.
He thought about Joanie, the years and grief ticked in front of his eyes like a slow motion show. There was his father. He thought about Roslyn, and Yoyo Ma. He remembered the window he broke with his hand. He thought about Gaza. He thought of the fear that over took him when he heard the news. He thought about how his mind had yelled at him. How he realized if she was dead he didn't want to be alive. He thought about Donna laying there broken. He thought about the day she left him and how he'd let her. He thought about who he became without her.
His mind rushed back to Toby, Sam and CJ desperately trying to get a long shot to the White House. Blindly, they had followed Leo like he was the Pied Piper; embarking on the impossible and coming out victorious on the other side. That was over now. It was all a dim memory that he would never get to revisit. There would be a new White House and God willing he would be a part of that. Time would go on and he would be too busy to remember Toby and the bouncing ball or Sam and the hooker. He would not remember Donna and the bird outside his window that she had pleaded with to stop it's tapping.
There would be no time to remember CJ doing the Jackal, or how Charlie had the President do his taxes. There life together, the group of them, would be gone. Sure they would have history, bills passed, vetoes handed out, wars stopped, programs started, but the little things that were their whole lives, would be gone. The MS would take over and Jed Bartlett's magnificent brain would fade.
Leo McGarry would be a foot note of interest in a history book. Not for the war, or the for his single handed creation of the Bartlett administration, but for dying on the campaign trail in the middle of election year. No one would know that he saved a man in a hole. No one would know.
On some level he had heard the music start to play. He had heard the sweeping sounds fill the room. On some level he knew what was about to happen before it did. It was too late to turn to Donna and tell her that he couldn't breathe. He had no idea how long he'd been sitting there, dying to himself.
He could hear Donna whispering to him questioningly. He could hear her soft voice over the humming in his head. He tried to focus on her. He tried to hear her words. He felt her hands on his face, turning him towards her. He looked into her blue eyes with a blank stare. He heard Ainsley say something, Sam's hand on his shoulder.
Sam Seaborn wasn't sure what was happening at first.
He knew it wasn't good.
"Do we need Dr. Bartlett?" He heard his girlfriend ask just as the realization dawned on him and he shook his head.
"Josh? Joshua? Look at me." Donna was talking to him calm and clear like he was a child. Sam watched Josh's eyes try and focus on her face. "Look at me. It's okay. Just keep looking at me." Her voice was tense and fast. He did as he was told. "Sam his are pills in my purse."
"Here." Ainsley pulled a bottle of water out of her own bag as Sam rummaged through Donna's. He cast a glance towards the doors to make sure they were the only ones in the room before he pulled out a prescription bottle.
"Donna?" Sam jumped when he heard Josh's voice. It was weak and far away.
"It's okay, everything's okay." She ran her thumb over his cheek, reaching out her hand to Sam. "Here." He put the beige pill in her palm and she gave it to Josh.
"I'm ready to go."" His voice sounded like he had been sleeping for days. He took the water from Donna. His hands shook as he took a drink. He looked back at Donna, she took the bottle.
Sam was pretty sure if Josh got up he'd fall over.
"Lets just sit here for a minute." Donna looked up at Sam. He sat down on the other side of Josh. "Then we'll go."
"I'll get the car." Ainsley whispered, squeezing Sam's forearm before rushing back out the door.
Donna Moss was angry.
She'd missed the signs. She'd let her guard down. She'd let Josh down. She looked at his sleeping body curled on his side in the bed. She traced her finger across his cheek and looked up at the ceiling.
How many times had that happened without her here?
What if Santos had seen this? The very idea of what that would do to Josh frightened her.
She kissed his head and walked back out to Sam and Ainsley, sitting hand and hand on Josh's sofa. It was then she noticed the ring on Ainsley's finger.
"Is he all right?" Sam said softly not noticing the look of shock on Donna's face.
"Why didn't you tell me you two were engaged?!" She yelled.
"Well, Leo's funeral didn't seem to look like the right place." He said guiltily.
"I don't know, I think he'd be thrilled."
"Yeah, but shouldn't there be some period of mourning where you can't be incredibly happy, or something?" She saw Sam take notice of the embarrassed grin that flashed across her face.
"Yeah, well, we kind of blew that all to hell too. So?"
"He proposed at the airport this morning." Ainsley whispered smiling at Donna and then to Sam as she excitedly relayed the entire story.
"I'm really happy for you guys." She smiled at Sam.
"We're really happy for you."
"Yeah, lucky her. She's fallen in love with a mentally defective workaholic who can't here music at a funeral with out going in to shock." Donna jumped at the sound of Josh's voice.
"Yeah, I and it only took me eight and a half years to catch him." She said lightly. His mouth twitched in a losing attempt not to smile. "They're getting married."
"I heard half the story even through the drug induced coma you tried to put me in." He sagged against her back wrapping his arms around her waist and looked at Sam. "You know she's a republican right?" He asked, muffled against Donna's shoulder.
"Oh my God!" Donna smiled at Sam's mock horror. "You are! Thank you for clearing that up Josh, it explains why she won't vote for me."
"I voted for you!" Ainsley screeched slapping him lightly on the arm.
"Yeah, but only because you like to eat." He laughed. "How you feeling, Buddy?"
"Like I got hit by a train." He flopped down on a chair, his hand still at Donna's hip. She sat on the arm, stroking her hair. "It'll pass. I'll be fine tomorrow." Donna cringed. How many times? How many times had he been through this alone? Josh looked up her, feeling her subtle movement. He squeezed her hand, pulling her down into the chair with him. "You guys heading back tomorrow?"
"No, we're gonna stay the week. You?" Sam looked from Donna to Josh.
"We've got to get back to Illinois. We've missed three days, this late in the game is like three weeks." Sam nodded in understanding. "We leave tomorrow at.." He looked at Donna. "When?"
"About one." She smiled at Josh. "Do you guys want to meet us for an early lunch at the airport?"
"Sure." Sam stood up pulling Ainsley with him. "I'll give you a call in the morning." Donna raised an eyebrow. "In the actual morning, not a DC morning. 9:30?" She nodded.
"Sam?" Josh called weakly as they got to the door.
"Yeah?"
"Congratulations. You're a lucky man." Donna saw Ainsley smile with Josh's words of approval.
"So are you." Sam said pointedly looking from Josh to Donna.
"Don't I know it." He said with all seriousness. When they were gone, he looked back at her. "I know it."
Her lip shook and he kissed it. She wanted to ask him how often this had happened. If he'd told anyone else. If he had ever wanted to call her in the middle of the night.
"I'm okay." He said, reading her eyes. "I am. It only happened once when you were… in the last year."
"When I left?" It wasn't a real question.
"A few days after." He admitted. "We were coming back from something. CJ was yelling. The motorcade started, sirens blaring as usual. They were playing 'Hale to the Chief.'" He chuckled sadly. "Of all things to…"
"Josh.."
"It was all a very normal scene in the life of the White House Deputy Chief of Staff." He sniffed and she touched his face. "It was okay. I mean, not okay, but I got through it." She raised her teary eyes at him. "Donna please don't cry."
"I left you." She squeaked sinking her damp face into his chest. "You needed me, and I wasn't there."
"You came back." He reminded, echoing the words she'd spoken to his three days ago. "You're here now."
"I promise you I'll never go again." She told him.
"You told me that already." He reminded her, her memories drifted back to last night.
"I mean it."
"What, you didn't mean it last night?"
"No, I defiantly meant it last night."
"I know." He sighed and burrowed his face into her strawberry scented hair. "I'm tired, Donnatella."
"Lets go to bed." She said softly. "We can sleep in tomorrow. This may be our last chance to do that in.. well, ever." He laughed at her realization as he let her lead him to the bedroom.
"Donna?"
"Humm?"
"Where's your stuff."
"My what?"
"Well you told me you gave up your apartment, but you never told me where your stuff was."
"Will's place." She waited to see if Josh would get upset. He smiled catching that thought in her eyes.
"Okay."
Josh Lyman was on a mission.
He needed to feel like he was a capable adult. He wanted to feel like he could take care of Donna. He reached for her phone and hit speed dial two.
"Bram? Yeah. Look I need you to call Bonnie over at the West Wing and set up a time with Will Bailey tomorrow when you can have Donna's stuff brought to the townhouse. I don't care, call a moving company, get a hernia, use an intern just get her stuff from there to here before we get on the plane tomorrow." He muttered something about getting good help and hung up the phone.
"What's that Josh? Move in with you?" She looked at him, acting like he was talking back to her. "I don't know. Do you think it's too soon? What kind of girl do you take me for?" She twirled her hair around her finger. "What's that? You can't live one more second with out me? Well since you put it that way…" She flopped down onto the bed where he was sitting. "We need a new bedspread."
He smirked at her smiling face, pushing her down with him onto the mattress.
"I'm fragile. Care for me."
"Josh."
"Oops. Rules voice."
"You need to sleep."
"I know."
"You scared me today."
"I know."
"The next time we're in DC your having a full cardiac work up."
"Yes Ma'am." He pulled her to him, holding her close to him on the bed. She buried her head into his chest. "Donna?"
"Don't ever do that to me again, Josh."
"Okay."
Leo McGarry was dead.
Leo was dead and life had to go on. Jed had a country to run and a disease to fight. CJ had a President to protect. Josh had a Candidate to get elected. Sam and Ainsley had a life to begin.
Sam and Ainsley sat in the airport with the Santos Camp.
"What's ahead of you guys now?" Ainsley asked looking from Josh to Santos.
"Josh?" Santos turned towards the other man. Josh smirked picking at salad Donna had made him order. He was not the shaky man from yesterday, gone was the frustrated angry campaign manager. He was Josh now.
"Well, we go on just how we've been. We find someone who will commit to Leo's position when we're elected and make the announcement."
"Mallory said she'd be available for PR." Sam said, receiving a round of curious gazes.
"She offered!" Ainsley laughed. "He didn't ask her or anything!"
"Do we have anyone in mind? For VP?" Matt said looking briefly at Helen before settling on Josh. Josh and Donna exchanged glances.
"We have some ideas, but nothing real yet." Josh shook his head, looking down at his salad for a minute, then at Donna.
Leo McGarry was dead.
CJ Craig walked into the Oval, she and Jed Bartlett exchanged glances before settling in for Sr. Staff.
The listened to Will explain the latest rumors about who the VP candidate would be as her eyes drifted back to Bartlett. Her eyes scanning over him looking for anything she should see.
He was looking at Will, but CJ knew he wasn't really. He saw the way the pen flicked impatiently in his hand. It was a waiting game now. The clock was ticking. It would all be over soon. Bartlett looked at his Chief of Staff, a slow smile pulled across his lips. CJ found herself returning it.
It had been a good ride.
Leo McGarry was dead.
Matt Santos had left DC with a whole new outlook on his Campaign Manager. He watched Josh and Donna on the charter plane. The pushed pieces of paper back and forth across the small table between them. One would unfold the other's VP suggestion and read it.
So far, Matt had heard laughing comments about how he thought Matt Damon might be busy for a while.
Donna screamed in horror something about over her dead body and a girl named Amy.
There was mentions of a pair rather accomplished felines and several members of the New York Mets.
In the end, he decided, this whole Presidential thing -might just might work out all right.