Hey, hey my lovely reviewers, first off I'd like to say THANKS BUNCHES! And yes Infinitis, Dilly, my fire wielding idol shall be included. I could never forget him…he'd burn me to death ! Now about this chapter there are some parts I like, then there are parts that should burn in hell there so awful, but this chapter needed to be done and so voila! It's not entirely finished so I promise to make the next chap better…perhaps longer… cuz there is this hole somewhere in this stupid thing that needs to be fixed, but alas such is life.
Disclaimer: don't own, don't sue, don't forget to read and review!
Chapter 4…(I think)
Yesterday I was dirty
Wanted to be pretty…
We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebody's
The Nobodies: Marilyn Manson
She was gliding, not flying, not soaring, gliding and it was oh so much better. She felt transparent like a phantom of wind or some enigmatic ethereal being that just seemed to ghost around the other occupants of the large stage. She was captivating, at times like these she radiated magnificence, not the haughty type but the kind that alighted itself in the most humble of beings. Those that looked ordinary and had nothing to offer. But she was brilliant, charming, perfect. Where had all that talent buried itself, some wanted to question, because it appeared as if she had some insurmountable stock concealed in the depths of her being, kept hidden, hushed, and patted down secretly, as though a tiny split would have let the whole gushing river flowing through. It was exhilarating just watching her, seeing her twirl, stretch, jump, caress the air around her with loving, measured strokes. Hitomi wished she could have done that, unfortunately she was on the shorter end of the talent spectrum scale.
Hitomi wanted to be jealous, really, she wished that the little green monster would crawl through her making her absolutely envious at the obvious expression of natural and practiced ability. But the sight, the imaginary picture that was created before her was just too beautiful, too wonderful to even have the time or thought in order to put effort in such a thing. That just made her feel wonderfully worse, there was this unmistakable gnawing feeling eating its way through her but she almost cried out of sheer joy and happiness for her friend. Hitomi abhorred mixed emotions; they made life so much more difficult. And those ludicrous things filled her constantly, piling on top of one another, always another more different opinion, continuously contradicting each other. She wanted them to float away.
"Amazing isn't she?" Hitomi turned to see who was whispering to her.
"Yeah, I feel like a proud mother or something, as if I had anything to do with it," she snorted while smiling; the gnawing feeling was starting to ebb away. She watched as a long jump was made and platinum blonde hair swung behind. Delicate, feminine muscles rippled, the guys in the audition room must have been having the time of their lives. She was glad that this wasn't her, for some reason, perhaps it would have been the fact that even though on the outside she would have denied be anything but good her heart would swell with a massive dose of pride. The unhealthy type of pride which can lead to belittling people—even if it was only in her mind—and she was against such a thing, therefore to prevent any sort of hypocrisy (which she despised even more) she would be content wishing good on her friend while being jealous, all at the same time. 'So much for not being a hypocrite,' she grinned to herself.
Her audition was coming to an end, but the sheer excellence of her performance didn't stop there, instead it looked like she had been holding back the whole time. Spinning she tiptoed away almost hauntingly, as she became apart of the lyric-less music, her arms trailed behind her like she was a bird that had glimpsed at freedom, met it, but abruptly had it snatched away. And now as she began to fold into herself that beautiful creature was weeping for what it had lost, the eerie practically broken mumble of words and an owl like hoot rippled through the auditorium the ornately ruined sound waves running over the objects echoing back. This was all done in a two minute song, she was bloody amazing.
The clap behind the behind the curtain made her giggle and she bowed then skipped over and tapped Hitomi over her head, a mock scowl presented on her face. "What was that for?" Hitomi sputtered angrily, though still beaming.
"You weren't supposed to be watching me!" Celena attacked good naturedly, ah yes Celena was back to her old abusive self. Hitomi was glad that Celena although extremely sarcastic wasn't the least bit stuck up, because it was forbidden to watch others auditions, and those essays were a pain to write out, plus the prudent—goody-two shoes seems more fitting—side of Hitomi hated getting in trouble.
"Well I was attempting moral support, no need to get all pissy about it," she huffed grinning.
"Oooh a swear word what's next Hito you gonna your belly button pierced?" Celena cooed back, she always liked to ridicule Hitomi for being so overly uptight.
"Oh shut-up. What's got you in such a happy mood anyways?" she questioned, "Lemme guess you got a new stud in some absolutely crude place," she smirked. Then she eyed all the vacant holes that decorated Celena's face, she really didn't know why she bothered with those things they looked like a chore to take out and then put back in.
"No you idiot, can't a person be inexplicably happy without a reason? Hey I used a big word!" she congratulated herself while laughing galloping down the back stage stairs and into the dressing room. The reason she why she was so happy…He had left again, gone away for another month, another month of relaxation and rest for her and her mother. Another month of not having to be terrified to step out of her own bedroom, another month of not worrying what was slinking through the bathroom door, another month of becoming and being completely rested. Another month of being free. But when December came… 'Don't think about it,' she commanded herself, because she and her mother had a whole month to plan, and a whole month to leave.
"Sure you used a big word but I don't think you even know what it means, being inexplicably joyous mood without a reason makes totally no sense," Hitomi countered sighing as she trudged behind her friends skipping form, she seriously needed to help Celena with her language skills.
"So tell me Miss Webster what does inexplicably mean?"
"Would you two please be quiet?" Someone groaned from behind them, the feministic voice ringing out in the forefront of all the other noisy girls. The two strange females gave a smug glance towards Millerna.
"No!" they shouted, then noticed that their voices rang out in unison. "Jinx!" still united, "Double Jinx!"… "Triple Jinx!" the continued in their bout and Millerna looked heavenward, as if that would have helped the situation. She wished.
"God, it's like someone put the two of you on a sugar high, either that or your both smoking something," Millerna complained. She occasionally wondered how she could stand those two sometimes, they were like two small, and utterly juvenile school girls.
Celena slapped Hitomi's back with all the force she could muster while choking on her own laugh, "Come on Millerna why can't you just join in the fun?" she howled.
Hitomi after doubling over from the hit, stood herself up and slapped Celena across the forehead, making sure to miss the eyebrow where two holes were placed. "Yeah 'Lerna it wouldn't hurt to act ridiculous and totally out of character," she teased watching Millerna's reaction to the hated nickname.
"Don't call me 'Lerna, it's such a stupid name," she proclaimed scrunching up her face while the three pulled on their clothes and unloosed their hair. Millerna could distinctly remember her sister calling her exactly that whenever there had been a lightning storm of some kind and she wanted to be comforted. Marlene would be reluctant at first, but as soon as that childhood nick name fluttered past her lips Marlene would realize how mean she was being. Pushing Eries (who would be the first to enter the large bed) to the corner, she would scoot over to the middle of the bed then let Millerna snuggle in close. Those had been the good ol' days, way back when Millerna actually loved, or even carried the smallest bit of sisterly feelings for both her siblings.
And now there was nothing, nothing but those two that was. Oh sure during her stay in this miniature town she had made friends, but they were just friendly acquaintances, people she made small talk or gossiped with. There was nothing profound to their relationship with her, together they just covered the basics. But Hitomi and Celena, she honestly didn't know what it was about those two. Maybe she saw in them the two siblings that she thought she had but inevitably lost when she was younger. Or perhaps it was the fact that they were so unlike Eries and Marlene, so imperfect, that she felt herself drawn to them, because it was only the flawed that fit in her world, which was why they were such likable companions.
Getting up she began to walk past them, her nose stuck up in the air as if she was attempting to imitate one of her sisters. Glancing down at them she quickly smacked them on their heads and frolicked away. She turned just in time to see them glowering at her and beginning to get up to chase her. Crossing her eyes she stuck out her tongue and blew spit at their figures, turning she ran passed the other girls who simply rolled their eyes and ignored the three active bodies. Millerna laughed as she sprinted down the hall, they were undeniably immature, but one does have to enjoy one's youth after all.
————————————————————————————————————
You come at night
That's when the energy comes
And the dark sides light
And the vampires roam
Her stop finally came. After getting lost twice, having to back track three times, and riding on the wrong bus once, she was finally there in the itty-bitty town of Liberty. She didn't know that buses were so expensive, she also didn't know that their routes were so hard to follow. Then again she was somewhat directionally challenged; yup she followed that womanly stereotype to a tee. Now all she had to do was find the house. She looked around her and all she saw was residential areas, it was like looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack. Nearly impossible. She looked at her watch, it was only seven o'clock but the sun was already casting its dusky shadow down to earth as it slowly slunk away from sight. The almost indigo dominating the sky shading the trees and the odd car that passed up and down the road.
Perhaps she should wander around for a while to see if she could attempt to find the new house she was about to reside in. Besides there were a million people walking the street she could probably ask one of them for directions, yeah as if people were reliable. They'd most likely direct her to the wrong house and she would end up being kidnapped, or something ridiculous like that. Her mind continued to wander, why didn't she just call? No, she couldn't do that it would ruin the "element of surprise", it would mean that her god-mother would have time to alert her parents of where she was, what she had planned, and it also gave her god-mother time to also notify the police of her whereabouts. Which would have ended in her going back to her stupid house, to the idiotic school that didn't give a damn, to people she barely cared about, all back to a mockery of living.
So instead she searched the crowd, for one trustworthy face, preferably a teen girl that looked somewhat preppy, or at least kind, maybe she'd get a guided tour to wherever the house was. She didn't realize she had been scouring the crowd for until she glanced down at her watch again. Forty-five minutes, an entire forty-five minutes and she hadn't one meager person in which she could trust, well that told her something about the world now didn't it? Then again it could have been the looks that she was receiving, black eyeliner, black mascara, blood red lipstick that had cautiously been outlined by black lip liner, jet black sweater, black baggy jeans, black boots. She looked like something that had been rejected from the underworld, all imposing with her added height. Perhaps people were afraid of her because she seemed to stare down at them—and since she had no doubt that there was an irritated look plastered to her face—menacingly. They were probably afraid she would mug them or something; she couldn't blame them, because she was ready to bomb the world in a few more minutes.
Suddenly there was this girl right in front of her about to walk right into her, "Hey watch where you're going," she sneered. Even if she was looking for someone to direct her to her new residence it didn't mean that she had to be polite to every passerby that made their way in front of her.
The girl glanced up, 'Stupid female,' Yukari thought peevishly, 'who the hell reads while walking in the dark?' "Oh sorry," she mumbled while turning around and tucking her book into her floppy, navy blue knapsack. She was about to begin to stroll away, when Yukari caught an idea. The girl seemed somewhat helpless and she was somewhat more embarrassed by her stupidity rather than scared of her. Besides there was something comforting about her, and so Yukari asked her the directions to her new house. "Sure I do, I'm heading that way now actually," in fact the house was the one right next to hers. She however, that she didn't want disclose this information to Yukari. She glanced at the bag that was on the ground, it looked heavy, and even though Yukari looked somewhat strong, she didn't really know what was going on underneath all that cloth. "I can help you carry that if you want," she suggested tentatively, not knowing how the pale looking girl would react.
"You sure you won't fall over or something?" She wasn't a twig or anything, except for the fact that she looked like a tree meeting her height even in her boots, but like she said—rather thought—before, the girl did look weak. She watched the girl smirk a little, then she bent down picked up the bag, and began to saunter away. She was covering a lot of ground in a minimal amount of time; those exceptionally long legs were good for something at least.
She jogged to catch up to her, her hard high heeled feet pounding on the cement, and the distinctive sound of metal clasps jingling. "So," Yukari started, she didn't like silence between strangers too much, it made everything awkward. "What are you doing outside reading a book while walking in the dark?"
The looked aimed at her was distrustful at first, then it softened and she smirked again, "I needed a walk and ended up at the library. What are you doing standing at the bus stop―" she stopped herself, as if she already knew the answer and knew that Yukari would be a bit offended if she inquired about something so personal. The girl was right of course, and the scowl that was beginning to grow on Yukari's face flitted away. Thrown out into the light wind that had picked up, just like the question.
"Well, what's your name?" she questioned.
"What's yours?" the girl didn't trust her, didn't have any reason to trust her. But Yukari found herself trusting this girl, it was odd really, but she had the sudden need to dispel all of her problems to this one female, and practically knew for a fact that they would never be uttered again. She had felt that whatever was said would be taken as strictly confidential, not another soul would ever know what she felt like. This girl, whoever she was, was just so trustworthy, it was amazing. You see Yukari always had the uncanny ability to read people.
"What's this place like?" she asked, revoking the name question. She didn't like force people to do anything.
"It's okay, it has a good dance school if that's what you're into, but it's basically like every other place. It has its good and its bad, it's really ordinary."
"Is it boring?" Why was it that she always had a question to ask, why was it that—
"Well there is always stuff to do I guess, but it depends…" the girl had interrupted her previous thought process.
"On what?"
"On what you classify as fun, we have all the stuff that a bigger city would have it's just on a smaller scale," she answered. She smiled a bit sadly, she had her suspicions but was assured now, Lady-Morbid-Bus-Hopper, was a runaway. If she was kicked out of the house, which was her second guess, she would probably be left with nothing. She didn't feel pity for her though; pity would have been a crappy substitute for honest sympathy and compassion, which was what she needed. She made a right turn for their street; they would be there in a couple of minutes.
As they continued to walk, Yukari took in the night air, it was comforting, relaxing. Even with all the lights she could still see the stars, she always liked those things, they reminded her that even though a life died out its legacy would remain forever, that they could inspire people. That if they stayed in one person's heart that a human spirit could last forever that they became one of those lone stars up there. For being a cynic she had such positive thoughts, maybe she just one of those silly romantics. In fact the title would have fitted her perfectly, 'Silly romantic me,' she thought bitterly, 'who thought everything turned out like in the story books.'
"Where here," the girl stated smiling giving Yukari her duffel bag, it wasn't a happy smile, Yukari noticed, it hid something. A secret, welded tight in her mind, never allowed to spill out. Yukari thought that that the girl was locked up tighter than Fort Knox, but she grinned back none the less, the beam of inner light barely touching her eyes.
"Oh, okay well I guess this is goodbye for now," heavy boots began clambering up the steps. She knocked the door, "And thanks!" called the red head after the retreating blonde.
"No problem, I'm Hitomi!" she chuckled slightly and then began to trudge on her own lawn, the one right beside Yukari's.
"I'm Yukari. Later!" she waved once more and watched as her new neighbour stepped into her own house. The light flicked on in front of Yukari and she watched as a shadow appeared before the door. The pale yellow entry opened slowly, and there stood a woman who looked about thirty two, in a deep pink apron covered in flour. The definite smell of baking pastry wafted to her nose, reminding her stomach that she hadn't had anything since twelve in that afternoon. She looked at the face that wasn't the least bit angry, not even a trace of disappointment leaking through. It was pure elation, with a hint of mischief, and Yukari knew she had done the right thing by coming.
"God Yukari, you smell," she giggled while pulling the young girl inside, and for a little while all was well. They'd deal with the complications the next morning.
—————————————————————————————————————
You strut your Rasta wear
And your suicide poem
And a cross from a faith that died
Before Jesus came
You're building a mystery
She didn't need to see the school, despite her decision she still had to go to it. She and her god-mother—who's name as Marie—had decided to call her parents of couple nights ago. They were pleasantly peeved, and she was glad. She informed them that she wanted to live here in Liberty for the rest of her high-school career—funny how it always called a career, when parents say that an education wasn't a job—and then decide where she wanted to go from there. They knew from the sound of her voice she had thought this through, and after a bit of deliberation, they finally agreed to make Marie Yukari's guardian. It hadn't been hard, and somewhere in her Yukari's mind she knew that she was disheartened about that fact, because it proved that the once perfect daughter was tossed aside, and she was some other worthless troubled teen to her parents. They had barely put up much of a fight, there was no opposition, which meant that they had simply lost interest in her.
It was gone just like that, and she was left to deal with the world alone. But that was what she wanted right? Wasn't that her goal the whole entire time? Didn't every teenager constantly argue for their freedom, isn't that what she desired? Maybe she would never find out, but at that moment she realized she was twitching. That would just be one more thing that she'd have to explain to whoever she began to hang around with, not explain lie. Lie about her very recent past, lie about the way she dressed, and lie about that goddamned twitch. Lying about herself did the whole world a favour, they shouldn't be interested in her anyways, but she knew that they were just a bunch of nosy bastards.
She heard herself jingle, which was the only sound she made as she entered the school the sunshine drizzling down her black encased figure, her boots were decorated with loose metal chains that she took great pride in, hooked onto to the laces of her combat boots. They made their own music, it was a frightening song, one that made people cringe, it told the truth about Yukari Uchida, about her soul. Her black cargo pants were stuffed inside, becoming a poof of strangled cloth where both items met. Black gloves covered her hands, except for the fingers which she had deftly snipped off the fabric meeting up only to her pale knuckles. Her torso was hidden by a midnight blue sweater which she had also cut so that it was now a short sleeve and a black form fitting shirt reached down to cover her already covered arms where her palms met her wrists. The familiar vermillion lipstick spread across her lips, ebony eyeliner joining as well, a pasty complexion and black mascara fanning and covering her mahogany eyes burning the holder of the gaze.
Her guardian asked her if she left the house without anything black on, she smiled and shook her head no. It had been a long time since she actually grinned so many times in one day and it was only morning. Maybe Marie's personality would brighten her constant depressive mood. Yeah right, the only thing that could pull off such a miracle was her pleasure pills and she hadn't seen one of those in a long time. Her body let out a twitch, she'd have to go searching for some later on.
Her time table had been given to her when she was forced to scour the halls one day, the stupid passages were always so busy she would think that it would be practically impossible to push your way through. But human beings, they were incredible things really—and these kids found ways to push past each other move with the normal grumbling that one did because of such congested areas. They were like little vehicles on a small highway, and this road led to a classroom, or the cafeteria, or somewhere else where socializing was inevitably going to take place. This stupid hall with its gray tiles and defiantly ordinary walls painted white directed you to places that guided your future and defined your personality, amazing that it was just a simple government building.
She met her new locker for the first time, it was ugly. Well at least it wasn't as hideous as some unnaturally bright school bus yellow that decorated the lockers of students back in the day when she was younger and had ignored the nuisance of a colour. She hated it's vibrancy, the nearly fire truck red, that caused swirls of hazy colour behind her eyelids, it contained something she didn't. It held something, a thing which could not yet acquire and she despised that and the piece of metal itself. She kicked it, her boot hammering into it, and she heard the vacant echo find it's way to her ears. Not hollow just vacant, so much unlike her.
"You seriously don't have to kick the crap out of something that can't fight back," a husky voice informed her. Deep, robust, and laced with testosterone—if testosterone could be laced through anything. It wasn't one of the most feministic hormones in the world. Males that bore such a voice were usually the burly type, with muscular meat dripping off their bones showing through the typical too-tight t-shirt. The muscles were flexed periodically in order to impress random albeit "cute" passers bye, which caused streams of giggles from the ordinary opposite sex. Fortunately neither fit either label, he was for one thing too long and almost gaunt, but there was something charming about him. Curly burnt amber hair framed his face and eyes before being pulled back into what looked like an attempt at a loose ponytail. But the hair was disobedient, and refused to listen to rationality. She had to admit there was something odd about him, a sort of apprehension that surrounded him. He was just too…too gangly it was almost sickening, and she wanted to, well, feed him.
No matter how sympathetic her heart seemed to feel, the stupid thing that it was she felt inclined to snap back, "Screw off, I can do whatever I want it's mine."
"Not really no, in another year it will be someone else's," he stated simply, removing some books from his locker calmly why she just stood irate, while watching his lanky form. Of all the men she had to meet first it was a vaguely intelligent and albeit reasonable one. How utterly unbearable, she just wished that guys would all just stay generically stupid.
"Yes well since I won't know the next person coming along, I guess I don't care," she glanced down at her hand engraved with blue pen her combination, something that she never wanted to forget, but what it represented opened up to entirely was something she really didn't want to deal with. Like the past, but the code that unopened that lock had made its imprint, daunting, forever there.
"Seems a bit selfish doesn't it, imagine what would happen if the world thought like."
It was a rhetorical question, if it was even a question at all, it seemed more like a comment, not a statement, it wasn't declaring anything, purely commenting. She hated things like, that it made her think, it made her feel slightly guilty, because she criticized the world everyday for how selfish, how completely self-centered it was. No one looked out for the odd person, no one had dreams or ambitions for anyone but themselves, no one not even her. She was such a hypocrite. "If you hadn't noticed it already does," she countered pulling open the stupid hunk of metal that had gotten her into this thoughtful argument in the first place.
"No, if you look around there tons of people doing something good, however small it may be, for someone else, it's stuff like that that keep people alive," his voice resonated. He seemed so intelligent, so damn smart, that she doubted that if ever got into an actual argument she could win against him. She hated that, she was used to winning. "A person's life is only shitty because they allow it to be, we all have the power to affect change if we want to."
Well that was just stupid, no one could change what had happened in the past could they? No one could change neglect, cruelty, or humiliation could they? No one could ignore being scorned and spit down on; it was just not the way it worked. Mr. Barry White Voice had obviously never been crushed before, and if he had well then not as much as her, his heart hadn't been shattered then stepped now had it? Nuh-uh, if it had then this guy was just an idiot just to believe in some farce of a philosophy, seriously it almost made her laugh.
"Yes well whenever your life turns to crap let me know how much you believe in that," she replied smartly and dumping her unnecessary items into her locker, locked it and marched away, smirking she thought, 'Here's to showing him.' She didn't see him grin though, it was lined with its own sense of triumph, because you see it is a rule that you do not assume anything about those you're battling. And assume she did.
Music, thundering, climbing and entirely quiet rolled through the room, it was nearly faultless. He didn't what it was exactly but as his digits sped away it the music calmed his not only his mind, his pounding headache, the stomach that had formerly been emptied, his essence. His fingers— those wonderfully graceful things hadn't been put to use in a while and it surprised him that he held even a wisp of talent. Fingers ran furiously over ivory white and he ignored the slight pain that tingled through his right hand plummeting down to his funny bone, the tingle itself was delicious. A foot kept time with the beat of the melody, pressing down every so often to draw out a single note or enthralling harmony. The composition in its almost flawlessness dragged through one's heart and one could almost see through the eye of the pianist, what a painful view it was. Not the casual doom and gloom that one feel's one a rainy day, instead it almost seemed to yearn for rain. Rain depending on perception didn't drown, it cleansed, and purification was needed for perfection. Nope, it wasn't going to be perfect anymore. Nothing was.
The music unbeknownst to the creator had drifted off into the hall, the hall that was supposed to be practically empty. Practically. A head cracked open the door, blonde hair peeking cautiously in, blue eyes glanced up as the music abruptly stopped. It was Van, Merle's Van playing the piano and, goddammit, he was bloody amazing. So amazing that Chid felt compelled to compliment him, besides he going to use the space wasn't he?
"Oh, hey Chid," Van smiled…well as much as Van smiled to anyone who wasn't Merle, and Van began turning to get up to leave. Sure he liked Chid and everything, but they weren't the best of friends, the only reason he knew him was because of Merle. Plus, and this is the most embarrassing part, he was slightly jealous of the kid, for some unfathomable reason he found himself angry at the fact that Merle and Chid spent so much time together. It was bordering too much time (in his mind of course, her parents never did seem to mind) and sometimes he even had to restrain himself from growling at the guy. Not that Chid wasn't nice or anything, but he occasionally saw more friction than necessary between the two, and that just made him somewhat possessive, I mean he could remember sometimes when he actually coveted Merle. God, he was such dirty prick…it wasn't like he was in love with Merle or anything, pure infatuation, he just hoped it would stay that way, but she was making it mighty hard…
"Don't leave, from hearing you play I'd say you're the probably the only person who can help me," he grinned, it was adorable, and if Van wasn't virtually brimming with envy he would have probably had become really good friends with the kid, most likely making him a "younger brother" of sorts.
Van glanced up and pushed some stray hairs roughly out of his face, his half a grin stayed put as he questioned Chid, "Sure what's the problem?"
Chid beamed his cute features resonating happiness, "Well I've got the lyrics to a new song, but I can't seem to get the tune right," he explained pulling out his fawn coloured acoustic guitar, the midnight blue case slamming down gently. He fished the lyrics out of his pocket, those words condemned him every time he looked at them, he looked to Van out of the corner of his eye, the poet's grave just kept getting bigger. Handing the lyrics over to Van he watched as maroon eyes skimmed the page and his leg jittered slightly, the rational part of his mind was slowly diminishing, if Van the object of Merle's undying obsession found out who wrote the lyrics he would be a dead man.
The lyrics were good, better than good it was like someone had carefully described his and Merle's relationship, but somehow he got the feeling—and this was just some stroke of non-existent male intuition—that this set of stanzas were written but someone totally unrelated. "Did you write this?"
Oh hell, "Nah, you have to ask Merle where she found it," he shrugged, eyes guarded, body and voice feigning nonchalance.
Van although an extremely unfocused was occasionally perceptive, and such a trait showed up during the most inopportune times, well at least for the victim of such scrutiny. Van's mockery of a smirk dropped, just slightly a sign that he was steadily becoming distrustful, or analyzing something. "Okay, it's just that the writing sort of looks like yours," he hinted.
His mind's barricade increased in it's strength, because he had just had an epiphany, a sort of revelation that prances its way into one's mind out of the blue. It is always late in coming, but when it decides to arrive it can save more than just your wimpy ass. And what exactly was this great insight? Oh he wouldn't really describe it as great but it had saved him from getting himself turned into a pile of mush by Mr. Fanel over there, the insight: Merle not only liked Van, but Van—and here comes the good part—liked Merle back. Dear Lord why was he such an idiot? How long had it been staring at him in the face waiting, ever so patiently for him to figure it out. He had spent ever constant hours over the phone listening to Merle discuss intelligently how glorious Van was, and he had spent equal amounts of time at Merle's house dodging the sporadic more than just icy glares from Van, that he was sure could cut him to bleeding shreds of meat if he let it. But this was the best part of all, Van was in a predicament, he didn't comprehend it entirely—and he didn't necessarily want to either—but whatever it was it had efficiently stopped Van from acting out on such feelings, even if it hurt Merle. Life, or rather love was the biggest screw over of all time.
"I'm warning you I'm not the best composer of anything, okay? Don't expect Mozart or something. Oh yeah can you sing?" he might as well give the poor guy a try right, especially since Chid had been ever-so kind to him, even through his death glares. Sometimes Van wondered idly if anything could dampen his enthusiasm, probably not. He was so much like Merle, in everything and yet…there was this odd difference that made them pair up so well together, they were confusing, but they complimented one another. And all of this thinking was making him even more green-eyed.
"I guess, you'll have to ask Merle's opinion on that one," he smiled embarrassedly head tilting a little as he chuckled a little. It was really a giddy sound, the kind that made birds wanna join their other chirpy voices in, creating music that the world could grin to, to bounce to, this young man was like the epitome of sweet; no wonder Merle was so close to him. Hell even Van gave a hint of chuckle at the sound.
And they started, the room was filled with beauty, it radiated even through the mistakes and frustration. The guitar tickled lightly every strum echoing the progress they were making, the alto voice reverberated heavenly created blessed little sound waves, and the piano, whatever had ignited his poor fingers Van would remember later to worship. Quite unlike rolling wave that people believed music should be, it recoiled hidden deep in the voice, but burst, unfurled every second a note was unleashed in quiet, steady, passion, and Van found himself singing along. An unlikely voice that held a sort of searing undertone, making alto brilliant, and the tenor of his own voice haunting. Desperate longing etched every breath of each, and the two unknown listeners found themselves close to an uncertain emotion, something close to tears and utter ecstasy their mind just couldn't decide.
Read for me,
So you can understand my mind
But please don't let me die
Because I can't lose you
And I'll try to remember you
So I won't forget myself
Merle didn't know that two voices could praise each other so well, but both accentuated the opposites range so well that it rang clearer, untainted. She didn't know what she liked better the voices or the actual instruments themselves, they were so well conducted. Glancing at Van she marveled at the depths that he had buried such resounding larynx, but Chid…his voice could melt her, break her, make her become something she wasn't for a while. They made her need to sing, because their voices left her longing, making her want to join in such a wraithlike depression. She needed to cure them, but as their voices raced up her skin she refrained.
You are me
And I am you
But can you see the truth?
It exists solely in me
The part I won't let you be
Merle entered the door at this part belting out the verse and Hitomi slinked away, hidden by the gray steel door that was in desperate need of a coat of paint. However she didn't notice such petty things she was busy being entranced by the trio before her. Magnificent was an insult to what they were, what they had altered into. She speculated with where it came from, this completely raw talent that the three seemed to have for song. It was tattooed to their soul springing forth in unadulterated fluidity that gave them a new essence. Such zest was something she wished she possessed something she aspired to but never come close to attaining.
I can't let you keep it
Because I'll forget
I won't remember to tell you
How much I love
But do you know who?
Hitomi scuttled away hoping that at the climax of their song Merle would forget all about her presence, it wasn't like she was that memorable anyways. Not like that song, not like those voices, the one's that even though masked had briefly become enriched with eloquence, silent explosions that weaved their way into every key. If Merle forgot about her, then she wouldn't mention her name, and if her name wasn't brought up then Van wouldn't have a reason to be extra bitchy to her. She would swear to anyone that that guy hated her. Actually for being such a withdrawn person he was really passionate, you could glimpse at it sometimes coiling right behind the wine red irises. Feelings would begin at his pupils then shudder down his body as he rectified this personal hedge that kept the world from seeing what he was feeling, but Hitomi could identify it. And unfortunately it was anger or disdain a large portion of the time, specifically at her.
Sighing she marched away, looking for a way to cheer herself, maybe she should eat…Maybe not she didn't feel exactly hungry at the moment, later perhaps when she found Celena and Millerna. And that was the beginning of a self destructive pattern.
——————————————————————————————————————
You live in a church
where you sleep with voodoo dolls
and you won't give up the search
for the ghosts in the halls
Just her and her mom is what it was, and she liked it this way, it brought her to a sense of closeness with the word contentment, it wasn't there yet but it was coming. Unfortunately for her the feeling never came, sad isn't it that even without her father present or her long gone brother who could quite possibly be the only one to save her, but left her nonetheless not here—despicable man he was and she didn't want to see him again—she and her mother couldn't keep even a wisp of peace. Pathetic. But then again it was her fault; she was the one who asked the moronic question of, "Mom why don't you just leave Leon?" she refused to call that man her father (except in her thoughts) even if it was for her mother's sake, because Encia lived in the world of fantasy where the white picket fence, existed on the greenest lawn on the street. Where a cup of sugar was lent without second thought and doors could be left open in the night never fearing the creatures that prowled, in a world of glorified tranquility, a world that wasn't real.
She could sense the tears before they drizzled over the cup running down the cool ceramic of the cup in her mother's hand, making rivulets in her skin. She wanted to comfort, honestly and truly she did, but then images would skitter to halt right in front of her hated mind's eye. It was a cruel thing really, making her watch over and over her degradation from warm, living being to an numb and inevitably mass of mere existence, a little toy to be done however he pleased with. But that wasn't the worst of it all, the most inhuman thing was forcing her to watch as he humiliated her own mother, and she was too weak, too feeble to help. One muffled scream would come right after the next, but she was paralyzed. All the potential, the adrenaline she had felt burning through her was wasted on keeping herself either conscience as pain snuggled her close.
Her father, the man that her mother held onto so tightly, wasn't even human. He was some sub-species of anger that certain men became after being nudged by whispering voices at night. His damn personal demons became her's and her mother's but she had to endure them for both, because if she collapsed now her mother would have nothing to lean on, nothing to ensure her. Her poor mom would cross the almost invisible thread into her insanity. That is if she wasn't there already…
So she fled the room, she couldn't deal with tears, not tonight, not when there wasn't a reason to cry. But it was too bad for her now wasn't it, because the cursed flow of water splattered its way down her face bursting on tainted alabaster arms. Arms filled with welts, and distant scars. She could hear the eerie twinkle of voices that weren't there, voices that spoke to her father at night, those ever traveling things sifting it's way into her psyche. She found herself in a room filled with ceramic and the voices echoed louder, so loud they became a resounding pounding inside her head. She wished they would shut-up. They wouldn't not yet, not until they were fed, and trying to fight them was too much today, maybe today if she made them happy they'd disappear. Maybe…
REVIEW! Be honest 2! JA (.)… this one was for u Tiki-chan HAPPY B-DAY hope you like ur present! sorry about the weird mistakes in this and the previous chap, my beta reader wasn't around :(