A/N: Insert deep and heartfelt apology for inexcusably long gap between updates here.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, this would be a movie and there wouldn't be a need for any stinking updates.
A New Way of Seeing
The alarm had long since faded, yet Beast Boy continued to sit on his bed, blank eyes considering the empty dishes on the table. To his way of thinking, he had two choices. He could a) finally leave his room and take his dishes to the kitchen himself, risk getting lost in his own home, but possibly regain some of his lost independence. Or he could b) just sit there like a bump on a log and wait for someone to come take care of him like a child or an invalid. Neither option was very appealing, but if he had to choose…
Carefully, Beast Boy felt for the dishes and picked them up. He took in a bracing breath of air, stood, and was consumed by an overwhelming sense of vertigo. The entire world felt like it was spinning. The floor refused to stay still. Beast Boy lost all sense of direction. He had no idea which way was up, which was down, if he was by his bed or the door, on the Earth or the moon.
The dishes thunked lightly, hitting the floor as Beast Boy fell to his knees. Blind eyes wide, he gasped repeatedly, his lungs never seeming to take in enough air. After several minutes, his heart rate slowed to a moderate pound, and his breathing returned almost to normal.
I can't do this, Beast Boy thought. I can't get up now. Not if that's gonna happen again.
What kind of hero are you? another voice demanded.
I'm not, he responded. Not anymore.
Not if you let a little think like blindness beat you.
You call this a little thing? I can't even stand up without losing my balance!
You stood up too fast. You've got to take things slowly until you're used to it. Now get up and try again!
That second voice was starting to sound a lot like Robin, only less patronizing. And it had a point.
Beast Boy patted the floor until he located his cup, bowl, and spoon. He gathered those, then gathered the courage to stand again. Slowly, consciously keeping his breathing steady, he adjusted his left leg until his foot lay flat on the floor. Next, keeping both utensil-filed hands on the ground, he raised himself to a kneeling position. The dizziness threatened to overtake him again. Not this time. Beast Boy froze, keeping his hands and foot firmly on the ground, forcing air in and out of his lungs until the feeling passed.
Take it slow, Beast Boy. Just… take it slow.
Following his own advice, Beast Boy raised his other leg so both feet were on the floor, and then slowly, slowly stood up. He remained like that, standing perfectly still, for several seconds before sighing in relief. He wasn't going to fall over again. Not yet, at least, he reasoned. But I'll worry about that later. Right not, I have to figure out where the door is.
Beast Boy had gotten turned around before he fell, so he was unsure where he was in the room. He slid his foot tentatively forward, then his other foot. On the next attempt he calf bumped into his bed. Beast Boy frowned. He hadn't even traveled two feet! His mouth tightened into a hard line. He could do this. He could.
Beast Boy passed his glass to his left hand, freeing the right one. He kept his fingers pressed to the bed, guiding himself first to the wall, then to the door and out into the hall.
So far, so good, he reflected, taking a minute to remember in which direction lay the living room. It was harder than he thought it would be. A wrong turn wouldn't be a minor inconvenience anymore. It would be a crushing failure. He wouldn't even be able to find his way back to his room!
The dishes clinked together as a gloved hand clenched around them. Beast Boy's heart rate increased as he fought off the wave of panic swelling from his gut.
Down the hall, around the corner, first door on the left, which means I have to be on the other wall.
As hallways went, the ones in Titans' Tower were pretty average, but at the moment, Beast Boy may as well have been about to take a freefall into the middle of space. He gulped, steeling himself, and pressed his back against the wall. He took in several deep breaths, and stepped forward.
It was like being in the middle of the ocean, nothing for miles, the only purchase the floor beneath his feet. But Beast Boy didn't allow himself to stop. He forced his feet forward, keeping on arm ahead of him. It only took a few seconds to cross the hall, but it felt like hours. The relief he felt at reaching the other side was almost as overwhelming as the dizziness had been. Carefully, slowly he made his way down the hall, following the wall to the living room.
The door opened with a hydraulic whoosh, echoed by Beast Boy's own sigh of relief. Figuring the technique he'd been utilizing would continue to work, he made his way to the kitchen, feeling his way with the walls, the table, and anything else conveniently bolted to the floor. Finally, Beast Boy felt his hand sink into the... well, the sink and felt the tiny seed of pride that his first success had planted grow a little. If I made it this far, I may as well go all the way, he thought before groping the air for the faucet. He closed his eyes, finding it seems to help him concentrate on what he wasn't seeing. Using his hands to "see", he somehow managed to locate the dish soap and sponge, clean the bowl, cup, and spoon, and set all three to dry in the dish rack. Then he just stood there in amazement. He had done it. He had completed a five-minute chore in twenty minutes, but he had completed it. On his own. Without seeing. The tiny seed of pride blossomed into a freaking rainforest. He could go on! He didn't have to see to function! If he could clean a dish, he could do anything! Well... perhaps he'd never get another moped, but as long as he could walk, who needed a moped?
One of the doors in another room whooshed open, followed by the muffled conversation of four above-average teenagers. The Titans were back from whatever crisis had popped up. Beast Boy didn't even try to suppress his elated grin. Man, were they ever going to be surprised! Surprised and proud. Maybe they'd throw him a party! Never mind that he wouldn't be able to see the gigantic banner they'd make him, a party sounded great. He felt his way over to the door to greet them, but stopped when they got close enough for his keen ears to pick up their conversation.
The subject: him.
"But the doctors said there was a chance his sight could return." Starfire had been trying to reason with Robin for a long time, long after Raven and Cyborg had given up repeating the same arguments over and over again.
"They also said if his sight hasn't returned by now, it probably won't return at all." Robin stopped in front of the living room door and turned to face his team. Well... most of his team. "Look, I don't like it anymore than any of you do, but we've got to face the facts. The blood clots behind his eyes aren't dissipating. They can't use medication because of Beast Boy's DNA, and surgery would just blind him, anyway."
Cyborg spoke up for the first time in ten minutes. "But we can't just kick him off the team! Where would he go? What would he do? He's our friend, man..."
"I don't intend to kick him off the team." It stung Robin's pride that they thought he would do something that heartless. "I'm just saying we have to do something about him. We can't spare anyone to take care of him all the time, not now. Not ever." He pressed a button and walked into the living room, looking and talking over his shoulder. "And now that he's blind, there's just no way Beast Boy can be a superhero. Hey, what's wrong?"
Robin frowned at his team. They had frozen without setting foot over the threshold and wore varying expressions of horror, shock, and pity, all directed at something over his shoulder. Before Robin could turn around, someone—a very green and angry someone—shoved Robin aside and felt his way back into the hall. The other Titans had stepped aside to let Beast Boy past and were now aiming accusing glares at their leader. Swearing under his breath, Robin went after Beast Boy.
Beast Boy had already made the turn, crossed the hallway, and was trying to remember where he had left his room when Robin caught up to him.
"Beast Boy, about what I said..."
"Oh, I heard what you said," Beast Boy growled, turning to stare blankly in Robin's general direction. "I can't be a superhero anymore, right? Well, stop worrying, Robin. You won't have to baby-sit me anymore. I can take care of myself!" He turned and continued to run his hands across the wall. Where was his room, damnit!
Giving into frustration, Beast Boy slammed his fists on the wall, breathing heavily from anger. A few seconds passed before Robin laid a hand on his shoulder and guided him two feet to the left. To the door of his room. Growling again, Beast Boy jerked away from Robin and stormed into his room, slamming the door behind him.
Robin flinched, wondering for a second how one went about slamming an automatic door. He looked up, feeling a presence at his side. Starfire, her eyes filled with equal measures of unwanted sympathy for Beast Boy and undeserved sympathy for himself, stood next to him. Robin lowered his head in shame, remembering the look of unvarnished humiliation and betrayal he had seen in Beast Boy's eyes only moments ago. Starfire remained next to him, for the first time unable to say anything to make the situation better.
Late that night, so late a few people would claim it was morning, Beast Boy prowled around his room. Anyone else would have been pacing, but Beast Boy felt more like a trapped animal than a restless human.
I've got to get out of this room!
Desperately, Beast Boy stumbled out the door and tripped his way down the hall, not quite sure where he was going, only knowing he had to find a way out of that tower! Before too long, he tumbled into the stairs leading up to the roof. Barely thinking, he fell up the steps, bursting out onto the roof as soon as he reached it, and ran to the edge of the roof, clinging to the partition as he took the cool night air deeply into his lungs. After several deep breaths, his brain started working again.
He didn't want to be stuck in his room anymore. He had hoped he could find a way to fight, even without his eyes, but Robin was right. He hadn't been a very good fighter when he could see. What chance did he have now that he was blind?
"No chance at all," he answered himself.
"Giving up, huh? Just like that? I expected better of you, Beast Boy."
Beast Boy frowned. Was that voice from earlier back? No, that one had sounded like Robin. This one sounded more like...
"Raven?"
"Yup." Raven rose from the spot where she had been meditating and walked over to him.
"What are you still doing up? It's gotta be pretty late. I heard the time on the radio a while ago," he added as an afterthought.
"It is." She leaned against the partition. "I was meditating."
"Oh."
They stood there in silence. Beast Boy couldn't have said if it was a friendly silence or an uncomfortable one. But then, that was life with Raven. He could never be sure if they were friends or foes at any given time. Usually, he didn't think about it, but right now, it was better than thinking about anything else.
"You're quitting the team?"
Beast Boy was so startled by Raven breaking the silence, it took his brain a few minutes to register the question. When it did, he just shrugged. "Nothing else I can do. I'd rather not wait around to get kicked off instead."
"We wouldn't do that to you." She had this amazing ability to both sound sympathetic and apathetic at the exact same time.
"Maybe not, but maybe you should."
Raven didn't speak for a while, but when she did, her voice was dripping with disgust. "Well, of course you aren't going to get anywhere with that attitude."
"What attitude? I'm just being... uh...what's the word? Starts with a 'P'..."
"Pragmatic."
"Yeah, that!"
"... Beast Boy, how did you hear what Robin was saying? Before he walked into the room, I mean."
"Huh? I dunno. I just... heard him."
"Those walls are virtually sound proof. You must have really good hearing."
"Well, yeah, I guess so."
"What about your sense of smell? Is that really good, too?"
"Yeah, but who cares how good I smell...?"
"So why can't those replace your eyes?"
"...Say wha'?"
"Blind people often use their other senses to make up for the lack of sight and lead normal lives. Yours are already heightened. Why could you be a superhero?"
"What? But... but that's crazy!"
"Is it worth a try?"
Beast Boy opened his mouth to deliver a firm negative, but stopped for some reason. After thinking it over, he finally answered.
"Yes."
A/N: Review time! I'm so sorry for not updating sooner! I had computer problems. then school and work and... well, I'll try to get the next one up sooner. PROMISE!