Scenes From A Hat

By

WatsonSword

Legal Stuff

Lilo and Stitch is © Walt Disney Co. and Chris Sanders.
I hold no claim of ownership of Lilo and Stitch or any related characters. I hold no claim to any form of monetary profit for this or any other Lilo and Stitch related story I would write.
This story is strictly to be provided to the general public for free and under no conditions.

Welcome to a very different kind of Lilo and Stitch Fanfiction.
This will be unlike any normal fanfiction you are likely to encounter.
You see, this fic will be neverending, and it will not have any kind of coherent plotline.
What this is in fact, is a collection of orphan scenes that I made up, which have no story for them to be placed inside of.
Hence the name Scenes From a Hat, as a reference to Whose Line is it Anyway.
These individual orphan scenes, though none of them fit into any story I'm writing orplan to, are all just too priceless for me to sit back and let die off. Thus this fanfiction.

Scenes from a Hat

Scene Title:
They All Float!

"Ahhhhhh!"

The scream was enough to make bones rattle and ears bleed. It was a scream of someone convinced they were about to die. It was a scream that came from the living room. And it was followed by a thud against the bamboo floor.

One cross-dressing cycloptic resident from the kitchen screamed and dropped a plate he was drying in startled response to the scraam in the adjacent room. The plate borke. Another resident did not even hear the scream, too busy in his own personal endeavors within the confines of a huge metal fortress hidden beneath the jungles of the back yard. Still another resident managed to sleep through the whole thing. But the last resident, well she knew exactly what that scream meant. She even looked forward to it.

Down the elevator shaft, running across the intersection of the back hallway, skidding across and almost slipping over the floor of the living room came a little girl in a red mumu with yellow leaf patterns etched into it.

She looked, and sure enough she found what she was expecting.

Nani crouched against the back of the couch, legs bent all the way, pressing herself against the back wall, trying to back away even further though she knew it was useless. Her face had turned pale and she pointed a trembling finger straight forward.

Lilo, with a huge smile on her face, followed the trail of the finger toward the most hideous of creations sprawled out over the screen of the television.

It was a latte brown carapace covered in spikey hair and jointed protrusions with barbed ends spanning a diameter of six inches. Its mouth was nothing more than a funnel shaped orifice covered with more spiked hair and two envenomated things that evolved from limbs, limbs that grew out of its face. It was nature's finest monument to the grotesque.

Nani shook and whimpered at the sight of the thing in her house, on her TV. Lilo smiled with an open mouth at Nani's discovery. It was something she had been looking for for some time.

"Sweetie!" Lilo shouted out. "You found her!"

"Sweetie?" Nani shouted back. "It has a name?"

"Sweetie the cane spider. I found her in a sugar plantation. I've been looking for her ever since she escaped my room three days ago."

"That thing's been here for three days?" Nani shrieked as her face amazingly went even more pale than it was before.

"Thanks Nani." Lilo said as she casually strode up to the TV. "I owe you one."

Lilo cupped her right hand below sweetie and tapped her abdomen with her left. The spider lazily crawled onto Lilo's open hand. Lilo held the massive spider in her hands with the most loving of gazes before she gently placed ontop of her head and tured around toward Nani with her arms out to her sides.

"Tada!" Lilo spoke loudly. "It's a trick we've been working on. It took me three days to get her to hold still."

"That thing's been here for six days?" Nani shrieked back, trying desperately to push herself further back even though there was a wall in the way. "Get rid of it before something happens! STITCH!"

"Before something happens?" Lilo asked. "Like what?"

"I dunno', before it bites someone? Just get rid of it! The thing is ugly as hell and it probably carries germs."

"But spiders are some of cleanest animals there are. And sweetie here would never bite anyone. She's just too good natured."

"What's all this fuss about?" Came a not so masculine voice from the kitchen.

The one eyed, three legged, mumu wearing, hairless, boneless being known as Pleakly strolled into the living room.

"Awe, what a cute hat your wearing Lilo." Pleakly said, obviously oblivious to what was really resting atop the little girl's head.

Pleakly walked over to touch the hat when it came alive. It scurried back an inch, and then forward, draping itself down over Lilo's face.

"Ahhh!" Pleakley screamed and jumped back. "It's alive! What is it?"

Lilo got a look of slight surprise as the huge spider hung over her face. She crossed her eyes to look at it before bending over and letting it crawl back into her hands.

"It's a cane spider. Do you like her?" Lilo answered, holding sweetie forward for Pleakly to get a better look at.

"No I don't like her." Pleakly answered, falling over and crawling backwards. "She looks like a miniature killer Plorginarian toxic waste mutant! Those things are killer!"

"That's what I was gonna' say." Nani added in.

Soft puttering footsteps were heard from down the hall. Lilo was the only one who paid attention as Nani and Pleakly were too busy abashing over the creature cradled in Lilo's hands. The fourth and final blue and furry resident of the household came walking into the living room, rubbing his half closed eyes.

"Aga Blabla." Stitch moaned under his breath.

"Stitch!" Nani shouted out. "Get rid of that thing!"

"Gaba?"

"That thing Lilo's holding. Get rid of it now!"

Stitch looked over toward Lilo, and saw the prize she held in her hands. That massive thing, it was like solid gold to Stitch. It was something definitely worth waking up for.

"Ohhh, Okeytaka." Stitch sputtered out enthusiastically.

Stitch was in front of Lilo in a single stride. In a flash, he swiped the cane spider from her hands, dumped it in his mouth, and took his first delectable bite. He savored every moment, twiddling his fingers.

"Oh my god!" Nani curdled. She turned around and hid her face as it turned from gray to blue. "I think I'm gonna' be sick."

"Stitch!" Lilo shouted at the very same time. "Why did you have to do that? Now I'm going to have to go find and train another one."

Stitch pried the last bit of ooey gooey spider from between his teeth with his tongue before at last answering.

"It's okay. It's crunchy!"

With that, Stitch took off back to bed. Lilo turned around, bent down, and hit her head against the TV screen.

"Is it safe to look now?" Nani whined.

"Yes." Lilo groaned back. "It's safe."

Nani turned back around and flopped down on the couch. She put her hand to her face, which was now returning to its normal cinnamon color. Her heart beating once so hard it felt like it was going to explode out of her chest, finally started to slow down.

Deep breath after deep breath finally started to stabilize. Nani lifted her hand from her face to look at Lilo with a drained and exhausted expression.

"Is there anything you are afraid of?" Nani groaned.

Lilo stood back up and turned toward Nani, her finger restingbeneath her nose and her eyes pointing up.

"… Clowns." Lilo answered.

"You're afraid of clowns?"

Now it was Lilo's turn to become hysterical. Though she started calmly, as she went further, her voice became louder, her body became more animated, and Nani's face became more and more perplexed.

"Well they have big red noses. And they have pure white skin. And they have beedy glowing eyes, and sharp fangs, and ugly raspy voices. And they ask you if you want balloons! And they live in caves. They live in caves beneath the sewers!"

Lilo leaned over toward Nani. Nani leaned toward Lilo. Lilo whispered.

"Do you know what they say about those caves?"

"Uhhhh…" Was all Naniwas able to get out before Lilo screamed at the top of her lungs, jumping up and down.

"They say that they all float down there! They ALL FLOAT!"

Lilo landed on the bamboo floor with a stomp. Her hair flung in front of her face. Her breath was quick and shallow, and her eyes were wide with fear.

"O…. K…" Was all Nani could answer with.

She slowly got up off the couch and crept away from the living room, away from Lilo.