Command

During The Siege

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Sheppard dashed up the stairs to the tower holding the Control Chair, his deep, fast breaths subduing the emotions that churned in him. Beyond the expected tension he felt in anticipation for the coming fight, John fought against anger, and frustration…hard on the heels of his unexpected conversation with Colonel Everett.

John had been blindsided by the Colonel. Things had started innocently enough, a history lesson on the war between the Wraith and the Ancients, and while Colonel Everett may have really wanted that information, he wasted no time getting to the real reason for pulling Sheppard aside. Alone in the Ancient hologram room, Everett could speak frankly, without muddying the chain of command in front of anyone else. And speak frankly he did.

Dashing up the next set of steps, John fought his stubborn anger, trying to push it away and focus on the coming battle. At least now he really knew where he stood with the Marine Colonel. Of all the officers that could've come to Atlantis, he had to be stuck with the one that was friends with Sumner. John was certain Everett had read the reports, and made up his mind about Sheppard before ever stepping through the Stargate.

Frustrated, John shook his head as he trotted down the long hallway to the next staircase. Things had happened exactly the way he'd feared. Impersonal and precise, the reports on his mission to save Sumner and his men were coldly accurate…and condemned John in their factuality.

His mind made up, Everett hadn't been interested in John's side…and no matter what he said, John couldn't have changed that. Everett hadn't been there…he hadn't looked into Sumner's eyes and known what needed to be done…but that didn't matter to the Colonel and all the arguing John could've done didn't matter. Not that he wouldn't have liked to try…but the Wraith stole his chance. Faced with imminent attack, Everett had ordered him to the Control Chair.

Ordered.

The word ground on him. Part of John chafed at taking orders again. He'd never asked to be in command, but it had been thrust upon him, and he'd been forced to step in. Once in command of Atlantis' military contingent, he'd grown used to it. No silly orders from pompous big wigs…no black marks following him. Here, it didn't matter if he'd disobeyed orders all that mattered was survival. They had to think on their feet, not stop to worry about who wanted what, or who's toes they'd be stepping on. It was an unorthodox way of doing things, at least by the military's standards, but Sheppard thrived in it.

John took a deep breath and started up the last staircase to the top of the tower. Sure the tension had been there in the beginning. He'd felt it. He would've been dense to miss it. It wasn't only Colonel Sumner that knew of his record. But he'd over come it. He'd stepped in and led the men…and they'd followed him. The arrival of Colonel Everett only reminded him of the military he'd left behind.

In spite of everything he was confident in, Colonel Everett's words haunted him.

I wish for his sake, I was…

Second guessing himself really was never Sheppard's style. It was something he rarely did. John cracked a wry smile. Flaw in his character? Maybe. But every decision he made, he believed he did for the right reasons…and accepted any consequences as a result of them.

But this was different. In straight terms, he'd executed his commanding officer. Was it the right thing to do? Absolutely. When he'd stared Colonel Sumner in the eyes, he'd instantly known what the Colonel wanted. Had their positions been reversed, Sheppard would've wanted the same. But the simple, unchanging fact was that he'd executed his commanding officer.

John shook his head in frustration. Colonel Everett would love to hang him out to dry for this. No matter what he did, John would never be able to change that. So once again, a galaxy away, John found himself facing the same bullshit he thought he'd escaped. And if they all somehow survived this, he'd have to live with being under the command of a Colonel that believed he shot his commanding officer in cold blood.

Sheppard paused in the doorway, his gaze fixing on the Control chair. What the hell, he'd lived with the consequences of his actions before. In spite the situation, John chuckled slightly. Okay, he'd pulled the biggest retreat of his life, and went to Antarctica, but at least he hadn't left the military. Sheppard grabbed the wall momentarily and took a deep breath, his pounding heart slowing. This time there was no Antarctica to get away to…not that he'd leave Atlantis anyway. Despite Colonel Everett, this was his command, and he'd be damned if he was going to leave it for anyone.

Explosions in the distance pulled Sheppard back to reality. He ran forward and hastily sat in the Control Chair.

First, though…he'd have to save his city.

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Author's Notes:

Everett's words in italics are taken directly from Siege II