Author: See we told you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay, it's continuing.....
... At the mall....
"VAT THE ELL DO YOU MEAN PAPER OR PLASTIC?!?!? GIVE ME MY DAMN BOOTS!!!!" Lucia was flying around in devil mode shooting bolts of lightning and knives at the horrified employees. Marionettes, lizard people, Scythes and every other demon/monster/thing you could find in the two games were running around, destroying/killing/maiming everything in their paths. Dante arrives just in time to have his just dry-cleaned trench coat get blood splattered all over it from an unfortunate civilian.
"ALL RIGHT!!! PARTY TIME!!!" Dante shouts with joy. Trish came over and smacked him over the head.
"What the hell are you talking about?! Hell is loose again, now clean it up." Trish scolded him. Dante shook his head.
"How dare you admonish ME, VERMIN? LESS TALK, MORE SCREAMS!" Dante roared at Trish, still drunk. She smacked him again. "Er, I mean, yes mother."
"That's a good boy. Now hurry, they were having a sale in JC Penny's!" She patted him on the head and left. She and Dante knew she wasn't his mother but she like to take the role of her and boss him around. Dante, however, couldn't care less.
Dante looked back at the chaotic crowds and hordes of demons that chased them. "The world is going to Hell, and I am doing my part." He noticed a British looking man standing in the middle of the mall calmly with a creepy smile. (Now you may be asking me how you can spot a Brit. Well, I can tell you how: By their pants.) Dante immediately walked over to the man. "Uh, hello. You do know that a Pandemonium is going on around you, right? May I ask who you are and how you can be so calm at a time like this?" The man turned around at Dante's question, facing him.
"Ah... I see the f*ck-up fairy has visited us again! I am Monty Python. And I am Satan." He replied, smiling.
"Uh, I'm not a fairy. And I thought Mundus was Satan." Dante said, a bit shocked. Monty Python shook his head.
"Tsk, Tsk. No dumb ass, he's my son in law. Hey you wanna hear a joke?! What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb. Haahahah, ahem. Smile, Satan hates you." He said. He made a Burger King burger pop up and began to munch on it. Dante noticed the wrapper around the burger said; It takes many ingredients to make Burger King great but... THE SECRET INGREDIENT IS OUR PEOPLE.
"Excuse me, Satan. Could you, like, not destroy the mall?" Dante asked him bluntly.
"Uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, no. The mall is the ultimate place to unleash hell and have it freeze over. Especially during fall clearance. So many pedestrians, so little time!" Monty Python said. "Besides, when you die you go to heaven. Until then welcome to hell!"
"Ohhh, come on. You're the Devil!" Dante pleaded.
"Some people say I must be a horrible person. That's not true. I have the heart of a young boy. On my desk." Satan replied. Some of the demons stopped their chasing and began to close around Dante. "I won't allow you to stand in my way. I have dreams too you know! GET THE FAIRY!!!" All the demons tackled Dante at once, piling onto of one another. Dante did of course wiggle out from underneath the pile. Lucia was prancing along by covered in blood except on her new and shiny boots. She noticed Dante and walked over.
"Guton Morgan Son of Sparda! Vhy are you here? Oh! You come to buy new boots too!" Lucia laughed and helped him up.
"Actually, no, I came to get you and bring you home but it seems that Hell is erupting from the middle of the mall." Dante stands tall and transforms into his demonic self. "Come on! Humanity is falling in a downward spiral towards a cesspool of ignorance and simplicity. Bring your floaties!"
"Vat are you talking about?" Lucia asked confused.
"Er, I mean... LET'S ROCK BABY!" Dante shouts and flies at Satan. "My job is hunting Devils! This is your last chance, Satan!"
"I'll have a black guy rape you!" Monty Python screamed at him and signaled his minions away. "STAND BACK, DEMONS! This is a job for.... THE ANTI- CHRIST!" And with that, Monty Python and Dante went head on head into battle, throwing lightening and fireballs at one another. Arius and Mundus walk into the mall. They see the battle and watch for several minutes.
"Oh, It's my father-in-law. He scares me." Mundus states, watching the two combats in midair. "Satan's in a boyband."
"Hmph! I was going to buy my little doggies some dog chow here, but let's go somewhere else, shall we?" Arius said in agreement. They walk back out of the mall. Dante and Satan battled for hours, and hours... and hours. Trish and Lucia could be seen in the food court with bags of clothes and shoes piled around them while they watched and ate Mc Donald's. Dante gave a final burst of energy and sliced off Satan's arm. He looked down and saw it fall to the ground below.
"Now stand aside, worthy adversary." Dante exclaims triumphally
" 'Tis but a scratch." Monty Python replied.
"A SCRATCH? Your arm's off!" Dante claimed.
"No it isn't!" Monty Python told him.
"Well what's that then?" Dante pointed to the arm lying on the ground.
"I've had worse." Satan shrugged.
"You LIAR!" Dante spat.
"Come on, you pansy!" Satan screamed. There follows an even shorter foray, at the end of which Dante easily cuts off Monty Python's right arm, causing it and Satan's sword to drop to the ground. Blood spatters freely from the stump.
"Victory is mine!" Dante cries. He kneels to the ground and prays. "We thank thee Lord, that in thy mercy-" He is kicked onto his side by Monty Python.
"Come on, then!" He kicks Dante again.
"What?!?" Dante shouted up at him. Satan kicks him again. Dante gets up.
"Have at you!" Satan howls at him, followed by more useless kicks.
"You are indeed brave, Satan, but the fight is mine!" Dante told him impatiently.
"Ohhh, had enough, eh?" Satan taunted.
"Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!" Dante pointed out.
"Yes I have!" Satan disputed
"LOOK!!!" Dante jabbed his finger in the direction of where his arms once were.
"Just a flesh wound!" Satan shouted back, kicking Dante again.
"Look, STOP that!" Dante yelled, annoyed.
"Chicken!!! Chicken!!!!!!!"
"Look, I'll have your leg!" Dante warned him but Monty Python continues his kicking. "RIGHT!" He chops off Satan's leg with his sword, leaving him to hop on his remaining leg.
"Right! I'll do you for that!" Monty Python yelled at him in anger.
"You'll WHAT?!" Dante asked in disbelief.
"Come 'ere!" Satan said.
"What're you going to do, bleed on me?" Dante asked, tiring of the whole scene rather quickly.
"I'm INVINCIBLE!!!" Satan shouted.
"You're a loony...." Dante corrected him.
"Satan ALWAYS TRIUMPHS! Have at you!!" Satan hops around, trying to kick Dante with his one remaining leg. Dante shrugs his shoulders and, with a mighty swing, removes Satan's last limb. Monty Python falls to the ground. He looks about, realizing he can't move. "Damn you, Fairy! Damn you to Heaven!"
"NOW I WILL FINISH YOU, SATAN!!!" Dante yells raises his sword to deliver the final blow.
"Ha! I do not think so! OPEN SASSAME SEEDS!!!!!!" Monty Python yells out dramatically. A vortex of red and orange and black open up behind him before he hurls himself with his four hacked off limbs into the unknown portal. Dante blinks in shock before realizing he must follow.
"It must be the gate to hell!" Dante observed. He shrugged and jumped into it headfirst. Dante tumbled downwards, blindly being shaken around until he fell onto something soft that let out a shriek. Without hesitation he looked up and prepared for an attack, yet he realized he wasn't in the hell he had once visited. A man stood before him, looking shaken up at the sight of Dante. He had long raven black hair and wore a blue suit and had a dot in his forehead. The man pointed a finger at him and gaped.
"CLONES! MORE CLONES!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" The man turned around and ran as fast as possible before Dante could say anything. He shrugged and examined his surroundings. It looked like an awful slum, worse than the area he had his 'Devil May Cry' bar. There were old shacks and trailers with drunks around them and a ramshackle plate-like thing high above the slum. He didn't like the area and how dirty it was. There was, however, a light emitting from an alleyway and he decided to walk towards it. He found himself in the presence of a neat and cute little cottage-like house with a vas garden surrounding it and a waterfall in the background. He quickly decided that this was the place to find some information on where he was. Dante walked up to the door of the house and knocked patiently. Within seconds, two elf-like blond men opened the door. They both studied him and the elf with long hair spoke.
"May we help you?" He spoke slowly, as if trying to decide what to say.
"Uh, well, you see... I don't know where I am. It's hard to say-" Dante fumbled, scratching his head before the long haired one cut him off.
"I see, wait here please. Will you watch him Link?" He asked the other man, the one called Link nodded and leaned on the doorframe while the other man disappeared up a flight of stairs in the house. He came back down followed by several more interesting looking men and a beautiful young lady dressed in pink.
"Eh! It looks like you have another (%^$ing one Aeris!" A sturdy looking blonde man said to the girl that approached Dante with a smile. She was in her nightgown from what he could see.
"Lemme guess, you don't belong here either yet you somehow were teleported here by mistake, am I right?" The girl asked. Dante nodded, a bit confused. She sighed. "Of course. What's your name?"
"I am Dante, the son of Sparda! My job is hunting devils!" He established confidently, flexing his muscles (will that beer ever wear off?). She nodded slowly with a confused smile. The men behind her sort of sniggered at his answer.
"Okay! Dante, do you need somewhere to stay?" She asked nervously. He nodded again. "Ok, come on in." With that she let him in and closed the door, wondering if he would be the last one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vivi: Your so full of yourself...
Author: you mean shit?
Vivi: ...yeahhhhhh. Sure, Kupo.
Legolas: Kupo?
Sephiroth: Yes, Kupo. The sound that a dying moogle makes when I'm... Oh, er, never mind. Heheh.
Author: I LOVE JOHNNY THE HOMICIDAL MANIAC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Legolas: I thought you loved us?
Link: Yeah, I'm sad now.
Kuja: Me too. Squeeze me.
Sephiroth: What's that? I think that's the sound of no one caring! (Johnny, or Nny, walks in with his assorted knife collection.)
Johnny: YOU PETHETIC FLIES WITH YOUR UNWIELDING LITTLE MINDS!!! DIE!!!!!!! (Pulls out knives and goes to chop up people)
Sephiroth, Kain, Dante: KILLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Pulls out their swords as well. Johnny, Sephiroth, Kain, and Dante attack each other in a desperate attempt to kill off one other. Blood spews into the air, eternal organs fly, bones splinter, ect.)
Vivi: Talk about your average blood bathe.
Author: This is Vivi (TM). He's not really Vivi. Vivi is a fictitious character, all names have been changed to protect the innocent and unworthy. Oh! I bought The Lord of the Rings, the Two Towers and can pause on Lego whenever I want to feel wicked satisfaction.
Legolas: . I don't fear you, I just hate that nickname!
Author: TOO BAD! I MADE YOU HERE! I CAN UNMAKE YOU HERE! (Johnny, Sephiroth, Kain, and Dante are still stabbing the crap out of each other in the background.) Remember kids, When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, pee in it, and serve it to the people that piss you off.
Hojo: NO! The correct quote is: When life throws you lemons... genetically re-engineer the lemon tree to eliminate taste compatibility issues, using the profits to increase personal gain and eventually dominate the citrus market. (Everyone freezes in place and stares at Hojo. He looks confused.) What is it?
Sephiroth: (lunges for Hojo with his Masamune, Hojo shrieks like a little girl) KIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kain, Johnny, and Dante: (look at one another, shrugs) KILL!!!!!!!! (Joins Sephiroth in stabbing Hojo to death)
Vincent: (walks in and sees the four ganging up on Hojo) ...... SWEET!!!!!!!!! (turns into Chaos and flies into the blood bathe)
Author: (Sips on Lemonade while watching the gory scene with Legolas, Vivi, and Kuja before them) I'm getting hungry. Who's up for a trip to subway?
Kuja: Ohhhhh!!! Me! I have to watch my calorie intake so it would be the best place for me to go! I'm on a diet.
Legolas: ... Right. What is this 'subway' you speak of?
Vivi: Stabity death...
Author: ?!?!? What?!?!? Were you raised in the wilderness? - Oh wait, my bad. "Middle Earth," gotcha.
Vivi: Spoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon! (the four boys got back up from pummeling Hojo to death. They were covered in blood, eternal organs, and more blood.)
Kain: Mmmmmmm, death.
Hojo: (barely alive) Wanna see me pull a tapeworm out of my ass?
Johnny: (decapitates Hojo) I'm going to Taco Smell now. So you can all go to F*&%ing hell!
Author: Good bye, Nny! Say hello to Squee for me! Yes! Tune in next chapter to see flying beaver spawn from Norway and Kuja's underwear collection from Victoria Secret! Is there nothing sacred in this world anymore?!
Kuja: Hey, I told you not to tell anyone! Waaaaaaah! (Runs off crying)
Vivi: (very disgusted) Kuuuuupo. (Decides to chase after Kuja with a knife, he screams in the background at Kuja) THIS IS FOR MAKING ME A HERMAPHIDITE!!!!!!!! (Kuja could be heard shrieking)
Author: No, actually I don't know what will be in the next chapter of (cheesy announcer voice kicks in) MOOGLES GONE WILD!!!!!!!!! So you all are ganna have to wait and see! Later
Okay, it's continuing.....
... At the mall....
"VAT THE ELL DO YOU MEAN PAPER OR PLASTIC?!?!? GIVE ME MY DAMN BOOTS!!!!" Lucia was flying around in devil mode shooting bolts of lightning and knives at the horrified employees. Marionettes, lizard people, Scythes and every other demon/monster/thing you could find in the two games were running around, destroying/killing/maiming everything in their paths. Dante arrives just in time to have his just dry-cleaned trench coat get blood splattered all over it from an unfortunate civilian.
"ALL RIGHT!!! PARTY TIME!!!" Dante shouts with joy. Trish came over and smacked him over the head.
"What the hell are you talking about?! Hell is loose again, now clean it up." Trish scolded him. Dante shook his head.
"How dare you admonish ME, VERMIN? LESS TALK, MORE SCREAMS!" Dante roared at Trish, still drunk. She smacked him again. "Er, I mean, yes mother."
"That's a good boy. Now hurry, they were having a sale in JC Penny's!" She patted him on the head and left. She and Dante knew she wasn't his mother but she like to take the role of her and boss him around. Dante, however, couldn't care less.
Dante looked back at the chaotic crowds and hordes of demons that chased them. "The world is going to Hell, and I am doing my part." He noticed a British looking man standing in the middle of the mall calmly with a creepy smile. (Now you may be asking me how you can spot a Brit. Well, I can tell you how: By their pants.) Dante immediately walked over to the man. "Uh, hello. You do know that a Pandemonium is going on around you, right? May I ask who you are and how you can be so calm at a time like this?" The man turned around at Dante's question, facing him.
"Ah... I see the f*ck-up fairy has visited us again! I am Monty Python. And I am Satan." He replied, smiling.
"Uh, I'm not a fairy. And I thought Mundus was Satan." Dante said, a bit shocked. Monty Python shook his head.
"Tsk, Tsk. No dumb ass, he's my son in law. Hey you wanna hear a joke?! What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb. Haahahah, ahem. Smile, Satan hates you." He said. He made a Burger King burger pop up and began to munch on it. Dante noticed the wrapper around the burger said; It takes many ingredients to make Burger King great but... THE SECRET INGREDIENT IS OUR PEOPLE.
"Excuse me, Satan. Could you, like, not destroy the mall?" Dante asked him bluntly.
"Uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, no. The mall is the ultimate place to unleash hell and have it freeze over. Especially during fall clearance. So many pedestrians, so little time!" Monty Python said. "Besides, when you die you go to heaven. Until then welcome to hell!"
"Ohhh, come on. You're the Devil!" Dante pleaded.
"Some people say I must be a horrible person. That's not true. I have the heart of a young boy. On my desk." Satan replied. Some of the demons stopped their chasing and began to close around Dante. "I won't allow you to stand in my way. I have dreams too you know! GET THE FAIRY!!!" All the demons tackled Dante at once, piling onto of one another. Dante did of course wiggle out from underneath the pile. Lucia was prancing along by covered in blood except on her new and shiny boots. She noticed Dante and walked over.
"Guton Morgan Son of Sparda! Vhy are you here? Oh! You come to buy new boots too!" Lucia laughed and helped him up.
"Actually, no, I came to get you and bring you home but it seems that Hell is erupting from the middle of the mall." Dante stands tall and transforms into his demonic self. "Come on! Humanity is falling in a downward spiral towards a cesspool of ignorance and simplicity. Bring your floaties!"
"Vat are you talking about?" Lucia asked confused.
"Er, I mean... LET'S ROCK BABY!" Dante shouts and flies at Satan. "My job is hunting Devils! This is your last chance, Satan!"
"I'll have a black guy rape you!" Monty Python screamed at him and signaled his minions away. "STAND BACK, DEMONS! This is a job for.... THE ANTI- CHRIST!" And with that, Monty Python and Dante went head on head into battle, throwing lightening and fireballs at one another. Arius and Mundus walk into the mall. They see the battle and watch for several minutes.
"Oh, It's my father-in-law. He scares me." Mundus states, watching the two combats in midair. "Satan's in a boyband."
"Hmph! I was going to buy my little doggies some dog chow here, but let's go somewhere else, shall we?" Arius said in agreement. They walk back out of the mall. Dante and Satan battled for hours, and hours... and hours. Trish and Lucia could be seen in the food court with bags of clothes and shoes piled around them while they watched and ate Mc Donald's. Dante gave a final burst of energy and sliced off Satan's arm. He looked down and saw it fall to the ground below.
"Now stand aside, worthy adversary." Dante exclaims triumphally
" 'Tis but a scratch." Monty Python replied.
"A SCRATCH? Your arm's off!" Dante claimed.
"No it isn't!" Monty Python told him.
"Well what's that then?" Dante pointed to the arm lying on the ground.
"I've had worse." Satan shrugged.
"You LIAR!" Dante spat.
"Come on, you pansy!" Satan screamed. There follows an even shorter foray, at the end of which Dante easily cuts off Monty Python's right arm, causing it and Satan's sword to drop to the ground. Blood spatters freely from the stump.
"Victory is mine!" Dante cries. He kneels to the ground and prays. "We thank thee Lord, that in thy mercy-" He is kicked onto his side by Monty Python.
"Come on, then!" He kicks Dante again.
"What?!?" Dante shouted up at him. Satan kicks him again. Dante gets up.
"Have at you!" Satan howls at him, followed by more useless kicks.
"You are indeed brave, Satan, but the fight is mine!" Dante told him impatiently.
"Ohhh, had enough, eh?" Satan taunted.
"Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!" Dante pointed out.
"Yes I have!" Satan disputed
"LOOK!!!" Dante jabbed his finger in the direction of where his arms once were.
"Just a flesh wound!" Satan shouted back, kicking Dante again.
"Look, STOP that!" Dante yelled, annoyed.
"Chicken!!! Chicken!!!!!!!"
"Look, I'll have your leg!" Dante warned him but Monty Python continues his kicking. "RIGHT!" He chops off Satan's leg with his sword, leaving him to hop on his remaining leg.
"Right! I'll do you for that!" Monty Python yelled at him in anger.
"You'll WHAT?!" Dante asked in disbelief.
"Come 'ere!" Satan said.
"What're you going to do, bleed on me?" Dante asked, tiring of the whole scene rather quickly.
"I'm INVINCIBLE!!!" Satan shouted.
"You're a loony...." Dante corrected him.
"Satan ALWAYS TRIUMPHS! Have at you!!" Satan hops around, trying to kick Dante with his one remaining leg. Dante shrugs his shoulders and, with a mighty swing, removes Satan's last limb. Monty Python falls to the ground. He looks about, realizing he can't move. "Damn you, Fairy! Damn you to Heaven!"
"NOW I WILL FINISH YOU, SATAN!!!" Dante yells raises his sword to deliver the final blow.
"Ha! I do not think so! OPEN SASSAME SEEDS!!!!!!" Monty Python yells out dramatically. A vortex of red and orange and black open up behind him before he hurls himself with his four hacked off limbs into the unknown portal. Dante blinks in shock before realizing he must follow.
"It must be the gate to hell!" Dante observed. He shrugged and jumped into it headfirst. Dante tumbled downwards, blindly being shaken around until he fell onto something soft that let out a shriek. Without hesitation he looked up and prepared for an attack, yet he realized he wasn't in the hell he had once visited. A man stood before him, looking shaken up at the sight of Dante. He had long raven black hair and wore a blue suit and had a dot in his forehead. The man pointed a finger at him and gaped.
"CLONES! MORE CLONES!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" The man turned around and ran as fast as possible before Dante could say anything. He shrugged and examined his surroundings. It looked like an awful slum, worse than the area he had his 'Devil May Cry' bar. There were old shacks and trailers with drunks around them and a ramshackle plate-like thing high above the slum. He didn't like the area and how dirty it was. There was, however, a light emitting from an alleyway and he decided to walk towards it. He found himself in the presence of a neat and cute little cottage-like house with a vas garden surrounding it and a waterfall in the background. He quickly decided that this was the place to find some information on where he was. Dante walked up to the door of the house and knocked patiently. Within seconds, two elf-like blond men opened the door. They both studied him and the elf with long hair spoke.
"May we help you?" He spoke slowly, as if trying to decide what to say.
"Uh, well, you see... I don't know where I am. It's hard to say-" Dante fumbled, scratching his head before the long haired one cut him off.
"I see, wait here please. Will you watch him Link?" He asked the other man, the one called Link nodded and leaned on the doorframe while the other man disappeared up a flight of stairs in the house. He came back down followed by several more interesting looking men and a beautiful young lady dressed in pink.
"Eh! It looks like you have another (%^$ing one Aeris!" A sturdy looking blonde man said to the girl that approached Dante with a smile. She was in her nightgown from what he could see.
"Lemme guess, you don't belong here either yet you somehow were teleported here by mistake, am I right?" The girl asked. Dante nodded, a bit confused. She sighed. "Of course. What's your name?"
"I am Dante, the son of Sparda! My job is hunting devils!" He established confidently, flexing his muscles (will that beer ever wear off?). She nodded slowly with a confused smile. The men behind her sort of sniggered at his answer.
"Okay! Dante, do you need somewhere to stay?" She asked nervously. He nodded again. "Ok, come on in." With that she let him in and closed the door, wondering if he would be the last one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vivi: Your so full of yourself...
Author: you mean shit?
Vivi: ...yeahhhhhh. Sure, Kupo.
Legolas: Kupo?
Sephiroth: Yes, Kupo. The sound that a dying moogle makes when I'm... Oh, er, never mind. Heheh.
Author: I LOVE JOHNNY THE HOMICIDAL MANIAC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Legolas: I thought you loved us?
Link: Yeah, I'm sad now.
Kuja: Me too. Squeeze me.
Sephiroth: What's that? I think that's the sound of no one caring! (Johnny, or Nny, walks in with his assorted knife collection.)
Johnny: YOU PETHETIC FLIES WITH YOUR UNWIELDING LITTLE MINDS!!! DIE!!!!!!! (Pulls out knives and goes to chop up people)
Sephiroth, Kain, Dante: KILLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Pulls out their swords as well. Johnny, Sephiroth, Kain, and Dante attack each other in a desperate attempt to kill off one other. Blood spews into the air, eternal organs fly, bones splinter, ect.)
Vivi: Talk about your average blood bathe.
Author: This is Vivi (TM). He's not really Vivi. Vivi is a fictitious character, all names have been changed to protect the innocent and unworthy. Oh! I bought The Lord of the Rings, the Two Towers and can pause on Lego whenever I want to feel wicked satisfaction.
Legolas: . I don't fear you, I just hate that nickname!
Author: TOO BAD! I MADE YOU HERE! I CAN UNMAKE YOU HERE! (Johnny, Sephiroth, Kain, and Dante are still stabbing the crap out of each other in the background.) Remember kids, When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, pee in it, and serve it to the people that piss you off.
Hojo: NO! The correct quote is: When life throws you lemons... genetically re-engineer the lemon tree to eliminate taste compatibility issues, using the profits to increase personal gain and eventually dominate the citrus market. (Everyone freezes in place and stares at Hojo. He looks confused.) What is it?
Sephiroth: (lunges for Hojo with his Masamune, Hojo shrieks like a little girl) KIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kain, Johnny, and Dante: (look at one another, shrugs) KILL!!!!!!!! (Joins Sephiroth in stabbing Hojo to death)
Vincent: (walks in and sees the four ganging up on Hojo) ...... SWEET!!!!!!!!! (turns into Chaos and flies into the blood bathe)
Author: (Sips on Lemonade while watching the gory scene with Legolas, Vivi, and Kuja before them) I'm getting hungry. Who's up for a trip to subway?
Kuja: Ohhhhh!!! Me! I have to watch my calorie intake so it would be the best place for me to go! I'm on a diet.
Legolas: ... Right. What is this 'subway' you speak of?
Vivi: Stabity death...
Author: ?!?!? What?!?!? Were you raised in the wilderness? - Oh wait, my bad. "Middle Earth," gotcha.
Vivi: Spoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon! (the four boys got back up from pummeling Hojo to death. They were covered in blood, eternal organs, and more blood.)
Kain: Mmmmmmm, death.
Hojo: (barely alive) Wanna see me pull a tapeworm out of my ass?
Johnny: (decapitates Hojo) I'm going to Taco Smell now. So you can all go to F*&%ing hell!
Author: Good bye, Nny! Say hello to Squee for me! Yes! Tune in next chapter to see flying beaver spawn from Norway and Kuja's underwear collection from Victoria Secret! Is there nothing sacred in this world anymore?!
Kuja: Hey, I told you not to tell anyone! Waaaaaaah! (Runs off crying)
Vivi: (very disgusted) Kuuuuupo. (Decides to chase after Kuja with a knife, he screams in the background at Kuja) THIS IS FOR MAKING ME A HERMAPHIDITE!!!!!!!! (Kuja could be heard shrieking)
Author: No, actually I don't know what will be in the next chapter of (cheesy announcer voice kicks in) MOOGLES GONE WILD!!!!!!!!! So you all are ganna have to wait and see! Later