Author: So, as I thought, people want my author notes, eh? I feel very
flattered.
Kain: (paws Author/Aeris' chest) Or flat. (A new tide of pain ebbed Kain as Author/Aeris beat him bloody with a pick ax that happened to lie nearby.)
Leg-o-lamb: Hahaha, he's all bloo- HEY! What the hell did you do to my name?!
Link: Hahahahahah! Leg-o-lamb! Mwahahaha!
Author: Just because I don't have Tifa tits doesn't mean I am flat! (Finished killing Kain) I think it's cute!
Lego's lass: WTF?!?!?!?!!!! QUIT IT!!! THAT'S JUST GAY!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: He's a chick now, I knew it! Hahaha! Aeris/Author said tits! Hahaha!
Kuja: Is he really a chick?
Dante: Yeeeeeep.
Leggy pooh: WHY THE F(*%$ DID MY FATHER GIVE ME THIS STUPID NAME?!?!? (Runs off crying)
Vincent: Cause your gay. Oops, did I just say that aloud?! Crap, my cold exterior is wearing off.
Author: He's not gay, he's as straight as all of you. Well. (Looks at Kuja who doesn't take any notice of her glance) Let's just get on with this thing, people are literally stalking me and whispering randomly to me in my ear to write more. Now I really don't mind, but when you're under my table making moose sounds or in the air vents while I'm in the bathroom, I do mind. Please, I just need reviews, not stalkers. Anyway, on with the damn story. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter errrrrrrrrr let me check, oh ok! Yeah, Chapter 9
Cid lit up another cig as he stood piloting the Highwind, cursing at everything under his breath the whole time. His little crewmembers were on vacation somewhere in Costa Del Sol. He swore at them even if he was the one who let them have the time off. He was beginning to have the urge of going to the bathroom, he cursed his bladder.
"Hey, Goth boy! Get over here and hold this #%*^ing thing for me!" Cid commanded as he left for the bathroom. Vincent held the wheel with his claw, oblivious of what to do, in a same direction for the ten minutes Cid was in the bathroom. As you know, ten minutes in the same direction on the Highwind means circling the planet about six times. That is exactly what happened until Cid threw Vincent off (who was beginning to get giddy while steering the thing) and cursed him until Vincent's ears bled.
Meanwhile... tralalalaallaaaa....
"The sky is fair, man, the sky is fair!" Dante (who is still wearing Sephiroth's original uniform) cried out on the deck while leaning on the railing, spreading his arms out like the chick off of the Titanic movie. "And it will always be above everyone's head, no different! I like turkeys!"
Sephiroth, Kuja, Kain, Legobeans-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "CHANGE IT BACK!!!" Legolas screamed.
"Fine, fine... Crybaby." Aeris replied the pie. "I'm only trying to add humor here, the people out there demand it."
"W-well! I, I don't appreciate it! I HAVE FEELINGS TOO YOU KNOW! WHAAAAA!!!!" Legolas runs off crying. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where were we..... Ah, yes! Sephiroth, Kuja, Kain, Legolisp- err, Legolas (so tempting, so very, very tempting! Elvish people are funny!), and Link stared at Dante from inside the bowels of the Highwind. (Hehehe.) Aeris was too busy sleeping in one of the sleeping quarters somewhere else.
"Gawd! If someone sees him in my uniform doing that, they're ganna assume it's me out there, acting like a stupid retard." Sephiroth growled, pulling at his bangs.
"HOLD ME JACK!" Dante squealed into the breeze. *Sweat drops blot unto Sephiroth's face*
"Well, they're going to be right even if it's not you." Link muttered, Sephiroth turned at him with flames igniting around him dramatically. "Err, I didn't say that."
"Bullfugginshiznese!" Sephiroth roared, ready to pound the little virgin elf into the ground. Kuja and Kain didn't want to be in the middle of the fight so they hopped off the stairs and ran to a safe distance. Aeris walked into the scene, yawning from the nap pickle juice.
"Sephiroth, leave the little Keabler elf alone, he needs to make the cookies!" Aeris shouted at him.
"Mmmm, cookies. The pastry of the night." Vincent said, walking in to join them all, leaving Cid all alone. Poor Cid.
"What the F*^% do cookies have to do with- Um.... Hey, cookies, yeah, cool." Sephiroth jumped down, leaving I eat muffins Link to recover his cool.
(Subliminal messages are fun, kids! Try them at home, but make sure you have an adult to help you. They work wonders when it comes to world domination! Hitler, George W. Bush, Satan, and Brittany Spears all used 'em and so can you!)
"Hey, where are Dante and Legolas?" Aeris asked, looking around.
"Dante's up on the deck, destroying Sephiroth's reputation and I don't know where Lego went." Kuja answered. "By the way, what do you use on your hair, Sephiroth?"
"NONE OF YOUR CONCERN!" Sephiroth barked at the pretty sorcerer.
"He uses a lot a Pantene Pro-V. His hair is so expensive; I have to buy twice as much now for him. Oh, and he spends A LOT of time making it all pretty." Aeris told them.
"AERIS, NO! SHUT UP!" Sephiroth howled, running in circles.
"He spends about an hour combing it, then another hour blow-drying it after he gets out of the shower, then another to comb it some more, and sometimes he-" Aeris said but Sephiroth was now screaming for her to shut up.
"THEY DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THIS!" Sephiroth shouted at the top of his lungs.
"Sometimes, he spends hours just straightening it with one of those hair straightening irons, he keeps it in his trench coat." Aeris finished. "Seriously, I don't see how you have time to be evil and all when you spend half the time on your hair, even I don't spend that much time on mine."
"I don't see what's so bad about it." Kuja stated, everyone glanced at him and raised an eyebrow.
"THAT IS SOOOOOO UNTRUE!!!!" Sephiroth cried out in despair. It was then that Dante came in from outside, holding the straightening iron up for everyone to see.
"Hey! Is this yours, Aeris? I found it in Sephiroth's jacket thingy." Dante declared. Everyone began to laugh with the exception of Kuja, Sephiroth, who was enraged and distressed at the same time, and Dante, who didn't know what was going on. However, Dante began to smile.
"I'm smiling because I don't know what's going on." Dante chimed to himself.
"Oh, my god, Sephiroth! We have something in common!" (Valley Girl) Kuja smiled, pushing away strands of his own fluffy hair.
"I want to die right now. Someone, aim for my head." Sephiroth muttered after slapping his forehead in an overwhelming disgust.
Back with Lego... las, Legolas! Yeah! Back with Legolas.....
"What is this?! Can I touch it? How do you make one of these? What's this thing called? They aren't edible, are they? Did you get this from Saruman? Does this thing make tea? What does this do? Ect, ect, ect." Legolas was poking around the mechanical part of the room where Cid was steering, asking numerous and endless questions. Legolas kept going on and on. Cid just kept smoking on and on until he finally snapped. (Viewer digression advised)
"WILL YOU SHUT THE *%#$#M (*&y%^$* C$&#&a^%t*(& *L&%i#%^k*% ^e $s%#T# *%u(*%n^$a* UP!!!!!!!!!" Cid had gone through three packs of cigs once Legolas' questions ceased.
"..." Legolas stayed silent for quite some time after that. He began to get bored. Yet, with his elvin eyes of sight (Available now for a limited time! They allow you to see things the naked (oh!) eye cannot! Just like the eye of truth! [Side effects may include; uncontrollable spasms of vomiting, the urge to watch 'Gone with the Wind' repetitively, and you all to worship me! DO IT, DAMN YOU, I COMMAND IT! SQUEEEEEEEEEEK!] Buy yours now before time runs out!), Legolas was able to spot Cid's cabinet full of never ending cigarettes. Immediately, the flaxen haired elf went over to investigate. He picked up a box and sniffed it. He gagged at the stench of them, but was also struck with an idea. Legolas then pulled out Gandalf's secret stash of Old Toby (a weed they smoke in Lord of the Rings for all those who are mentally unstable and/or don't know jack squat of LotR. I'm listening to Slipknot right now, I don't know why though, hehehe!) and placed it in one of the cigarette packs before walking away. Legolas pranced off to join everyone else in the other part of the ship.
"Damn little ($%$s! I should kick their (%&*#@^$*&%#$@E *^ *%*^$at&# @#&P&$#ie^#!" Cid muttered, finishing his cigarette and going for another one only to discover it empty. "(%$#(&^*&^$(&^!!!!!!!"
Cid went over to his cabinet of cigs to grab another pack. Coincidentally, he picked up the pack that Legolas tampered with. He pulled out one of the Old Toby (joints) and lit it up, not noticing it being different from his normal cigs until after taking a long drag. Cid looked at in surprise. (Uh oh, today is swear-like-a-sailor day.) "Whoa! This is some good shit!"
Back in the other room......Meow....
"So you first killed her?" Link asked Sephiroth.
"Yup. She was praying and I came down and stabbed her in the back." Sephiroth told them, guilt fully. Aeris did not hear the conversation because she was too busy forcing pants onto Kuja.
"PUT 'EM ON! YOUR NOT GOING OUT IN PUBLIC IN DRAG!!!!" Aeris yelled out Kuja, reluctantly he put them on after she pulled out the Piko hammer.
"And now you're trying to get in her pants?" Kain asked Sephiroth, trying to get him to admit.
"NO, no, not really- I MEAN, no, not at all!" Sephiroth fidgeted, batting his eyes and trying not to look suspicious. However, Aeris heard Kain's question and shot a questioning look.
"Get in my pants? I'm not wearing pants! YOU SICKOS! Keep back! I have a stick!" Aeris shouted at them, holding up her battle staff. The guys only looked at each other, well, except for Dante. He was looking at the magazine Aeris got for her birthday from Cid, he found it with the Sephiroth uniform too. Naughty Sephiroth.
"Hey, who else here wants to show her how little security she has?" Sephiroth asked with an evil grin.
"Me." Sephiroth, Dante, Legolas, and Kain all began to close in around her like a pack of vicious hyenas. Vincent, Link and Kuja watched in shock and intended to see how this would end.
"Obey my authorite!" Aeris hollered and twirled around her staff, making contact with their faces. The four of them were now lying on the ground with several bloody noses. Aeris stepped up on their bodies and did a little victory pose. "Hahah! I am the strongest woman alive! Hehehe!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chun Li: NO! I am the strongest woman alive! EAT MY FIST FURY! I give you cool head punchies!
General Bison: Oh! Sexy pigtail chick in spandex!
Chun Li: Eeeeeeeeeew! (Punches Bison away)
Ranma: Hey! I'm pigtailed chick (throws cold water on himself and transforms into girl) See!
Author: ....... For those of you who actually know what I just said, shoot me. All others, just ignore this. Yes, uhhuh. Why of course, sure. Yes, yes- no! No. NO! NO I DIDN'T!!! SICKO! EW! LEAVE ME ALONE! AHHHHHHHHHH!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyways... While Aeris was preoccupied with her little victory dance, Dante, Kain, Sephiroth, and Legolas fooled her good and dog piled onto her. Aeris squeaked in surprise as they tumbled on top of her. They all grabbed her and held her down while she kicked, hit, bit, and clawed at them. Finally they got her tired out, but not without having quite a few bloody marks on each of them.
"RAPE! RAPE! I AM BEING RAPED!" Aeris yelped. (okay, she's not being raped.) Sephiroth hogged tied her and sat near her with a busted lip, black eye, bloody nose, bite marks on his hands to where they were bleeding and lets not forget being kicked in the, err, groin (all thanks to Aeris). "OH! WHEN I GET OUT OF THESE, SEPHIROTH, YOU ARE SOOOOO GANNA DIE!!!!"
"Give up. Say you give up and that us men are superior and we'll untie you." Sephiroth cooed to her, patting her head lightly while trying to stop his blood flowing out of his wounds. She snapped at his hand as if to bite him again.
"Oooooh! She is soooooo vulnerable like this!" Kain purred with an aroused look in his eyes, well, one eye. The other one was swelling shut from being hit by Aeris' wrist gauntlets.
"..." Aeris glared at them in a fierce manner. Anger is bad for her complexion. Grrr. _
"Just give it up, Aeris. We are too powerful for you so, ha!" Dante said with a quick laugh. Aeris was now steaming mad and daggers were in her eyes.
"FIRE 3!!!!!!!!" Aeris shouted. Within seconds, Legolas, Dante, Kain, and Sephiroth were screaming and running in circles because their hair was on fire.
"AHHHHHH!" Legolas screamed.
"IT BURNS! DEAR GODS IT BURNS!" Dante shrieked. Sephiroth was already doing the Stop-Drop-and Roll routine and Kain used his dark vampire power's to turn into mist to put the fire out. The sprinkler system came on, soaking everything.
"MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR, IT'S RUINED!" Kuja screeched, running to the outside deck and trying to cover his hair from the water.
"......" Vincent stood there, silent as always, getting drench from the water.
"Wheeeeeeee! How spiffy! The ceiling is raining! Are we in a giant cloud?" Link asked.
"Hehehehehhehe!" Aeris giggled, still tied up and on the floor. "I'm happy again!"
Before anyone could recover, the Highwind jerked sharply to the side, sending everyone hurdling to one side of the ship. The sprinkler system finally stopped after everyone steadied themselves on the now bumpy ship. Aeris was screaming to be untied, Sephiroth was running over to help her and everyone else was either grasping on to something or screaming bloody murder. Sephiroth untied Aeris before the ship jolted again causing Aeris to fall into Sephiroth's arms.
"There's something happening in the cockpit! Cid must be in trouble!" Aeris said. Her eyes locked on the door leading to the room where Cid was. Sephiroth, however, didn't seem to care about that and was only focused on the worried Aeris in his arms. He casually bent over and pulled her deeper into the embrace, as well as inhaling her sweet scented perfume. Aeris noticed this and carelessly pushed away to get up and run over to the door to the cockpit. Sephiroth sighed and followed until another jolt occurred, sending them to their knees again. Aeris let out a yelp of pain after tripping on a pipe, Sephiroth ran to her side again.
"Are you alright?" Sephiroth inquired as he examined her ankle.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just help me up, we need to see what's happening!" Aeris replied, looking up into his face. He nodded and pulled her up with him. They made their way into the cockpit room. Once they came in, they noticed that Cid was not at the wheel. He was giggling on the floor as he stared at the ceiling. "Cid! What happened?!"
"Are those rice crispy creepy kids, Snap, Crackle and Pop, rejects of the Keabler elves?" Cid asked between giggles. He then began to dart his bloodshot eyes back and forth. "Heyyyyyyyy! You're here to take my muffins, aren't you?! AEREN'T YOU, DAMN IT!"
"Uh, what the hell?!" Sephiroth looked at Aeris with a questioning glance. He looked back down at Cid and noticed the joints next to his body. "Er, I think he's high."
"WHAT?! How the hell are we going to land this thing?!" Aeris asked looking out the window, watching what was left of North Crater pass beneath them for the fifth time.
"Um, I dunno." Sephiroth replied looking around at the different buttons around the wheel. He grabbed the wheel and began to steer. Soon, they were near Coral, circling around high above. Sephiroth went back to examining the control panel full of buttons and at last pushed one. The Highwind descended to the ground slowly, the engine powering down as well. In the end, the Highwind was on solid ground, landed squarely in front of the entrance to Coral town. Aeris was wide mouth staring at him.
"Since when did they teach generals how to fly big ships?!" Aeris asked in amazement.
"They don't." He told her.
"Then how did you figure out how to land?" Aeris questioned in surprise.
"I pushed the 'x' button, it says it right here on the instruction panel." Sephiroth pointed to it. Aeris stared at it dumbfounded, feeling stupid for freaking out so much about the issue. Sephiroth was trying very hard not to laugh at her, she shot him a fierce glare. Though they didn't notice, she stood next to a cabinet labeled: For Sale: One Parachute. Used Once. Never Opened. Slightly Stained. "Hey, nobody's perfect.... well, there was this one guy, but I killed him. So, yeah, nobody's perfect."
"Okay, let's just go now." She said in an annoyed tone, stepping over the now singing Cid.
"The little butterflies sing to my grandmaaaaaaaa!" Cid sang to himself. Aeris and Sephiroth just looked at him.
"Did you notice that he doesn't curse when he's high?" She asked him. He nodded and they left. Cid looked around slowly.
"Buggles! BUGGLES! My kittens! Saw the fluff luffa with a cookie!" Cid sniggered before passing out.
Back in the other room.... (Pikachu is Evilllllllllll!)
"We aren't moving anymore!" Link cried from the floor of the ship. The other's began to get up and Aeris and Sephiroth came out into the room.
"What happened?" Kain demanded.
"Cid was high, I didn't know he did pot." Aeris replied. (Don't smoke that stuff, kiddies, unless you want to cough up cats and tinker toys. Trust me, my neighbor had a bad experience with that stuff.)
"He's never smoked that stuff before." Vincent told her. They began to look troubled about the whole topic.
"...." Legolas was shaking nervously and sweating like a pedophile in a nursery. His eyes were darting to and fro, trying as hard as he could not to look suspicious.
"Oh well, let's hurry up and get to Gold Saucer." Aeris suggested, skipping up to the upper deck. When she opened the door, she found Kuja clinging to the railing of the ship for dear life. She had forgotten that he ran out here to save his hair from the sprinklers inside.
"Oh, poor Kuja. Come on, it's okay. We're on the ground now, lets go!" Aeris smiled and talked to him as if he were a small child. He let go and clung to her arm, still shaking from shock. They disembarked off the Highwind to the grassy plain before Coral. "OKAY! Are we ready to have a lot of fun?!"
"Uhhhhhhhhh." Everyone groaned unsure.
"Okay!" Aeris chirped with a smile. And with that, she skipped into the entrance to Coral.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author: HAHAHAHAHHAH! Heh, heh, yeah.
Link: I'm hungry.
Legolas: Well, I crave chocolate.
Dante: I look sexy in Sephiroth's outfit.
Sephiroth: I never want to hear that sentence again if you value your life.
Dante: Whadya ganna do? Iron my hair out with your little girly fufu iron thingy?
Kain: Hahahahah!
Sephiroth: SHUT THE (^%$ UP!
Author: Such language! For shame, Sephy, for shame! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that chapter. I'm very sorry that I didn't finish it earlier, I kept getting laid back in other crap.
Kuja: Like your pretty website!
Author: Yes, that's one of the things. In fact, I'm pretty much finished making it with some exceptions but feel free to visit it. The url thingy is uh, crap, I forgot. I'm too lazy to look it up right now so just click on my fanfiction.net author profile to see it. It should be something like:
www.geocities.com/aeriscetra22/
or something like that. Go there and see my crap. THEN LAUGH AT IT! I DEMAND IT OF YOU MERE MORTALS! Damn, I am tired. I just had a sugar crash. I need sleep. Sleeeeeeeeeeeep.
Kain: Ooooooh! Come! I'll let you sleep with me!
Sephiroth: Push off! No way in hell she's ganna do that!
Author: (falls asleep on keyboard) gbgtfcrtgvtbvrbfdjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
Legolas: Hey! Wake up! You're typing weird things with your head, dammit!
Author: mm,.,m,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,...........jujuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuu
Sephiroth: Riiiight.
Kain: (looks around to see if anyone's looking before beginning to feel up Aeris/Author)
Vincent: Uh, Kain? What the hell?
Kain: !!!!!!!!!!! (tries looking innocent) I just dropped my car keys somewhere near her.
Kuja: You don't have a car. None of us do, wait... What about you, Dante?
Dante: I have a motorcycle.
Legolas: I have a horsy.
Sephiroth: Hey, these people out there don't care. This is ending now.
Author: (mumbling in sleep) Sephiroth, Kain, Dante, Vincent and Legolas all OOZE sex appeal from every pore and orifice.
Link and Kuja: What about us?
Sephiroth: Now we know what goes on in her dreams. I'm ganna use my weird psycic controlly powers to go into them to, like I did with Cloud. Then I can, hehehe, do things in her dreams.
Vincent: End this now! Damn it!
Sephiroth: Fine! Geeze! Go away people and go to her sight, now! NOW!
Kain: (paws Author/Aeris' chest) Or flat. (A new tide of pain ebbed Kain as Author/Aeris beat him bloody with a pick ax that happened to lie nearby.)
Leg-o-lamb: Hahaha, he's all bloo- HEY! What the hell did you do to my name?!
Link: Hahahahahah! Leg-o-lamb! Mwahahaha!
Author: Just because I don't have Tifa tits doesn't mean I am flat! (Finished killing Kain) I think it's cute!
Lego's lass: WTF?!?!?!?!!!! QUIT IT!!! THAT'S JUST GAY!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: He's a chick now, I knew it! Hahaha! Aeris/Author said tits! Hahaha!
Kuja: Is he really a chick?
Dante: Yeeeeeep.
Leggy pooh: WHY THE F(*%$ DID MY FATHER GIVE ME THIS STUPID NAME?!?!? (Runs off crying)
Vincent: Cause your gay. Oops, did I just say that aloud?! Crap, my cold exterior is wearing off.
Author: He's not gay, he's as straight as all of you. Well. (Looks at Kuja who doesn't take any notice of her glance) Let's just get on with this thing, people are literally stalking me and whispering randomly to me in my ear to write more. Now I really don't mind, but when you're under my table making moose sounds or in the air vents while I'm in the bathroom, I do mind. Please, I just need reviews, not stalkers. Anyway, on with the damn story. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter errrrrrrrrr let me check, oh ok! Yeah, Chapter 9
Cid lit up another cig as he stood piloting the Highwind, cursing at everything under his breath the whole time. His little crewmembers were on vacation somewhere in Costa Del Sol. He swore at them even if he was the one who let them have the time off. He was beginning to have the urge of going to the bathroom, he cursed his bladder.
"Hey, Goth boy! Get over here and hold this #%*^ing thing for me!" Cid commanded as he left for the bathroom. Vincent held the wheel with his claw, oblivious of what to do, in a same direction for the ten minutes Cid was in the bathroom. As you know, ten minutes in the same direction on the Highwind means circling the planet about six times. That is exactly what happened until Cid threw Vincent off (who was beginning to get giddy while steering the thing) and cursed him until Vincent's ears bled.
Meanwhile... tralalalaallaaaa....
"The sky is fair, man, the sky is fair!" Dante (who is still wearing Sephiroth's original uniform) cried out on the deck while leaning on the railing, spreading his arms out like the chick off of the Titanic movie. "And it will always be above everyone's head, no different! I like turkeys!"
Sephiroth, Kuja, Kain, Legobeans-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "CHANGE IT BACK!!!" Legolas screamed.
"Fine, fine... Crybaby." Aeris replied the pie. "I'm only trying to add humor here, the people out there demand it."
"W-well! I, I don't appreciate it! I HAVE FEELINGS TOO YOU KNOW! WHAAAAA!!!!" Legolas runs off crying. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where were we..... Ah, yes! Sephiroth, Kuja, Kain, Legolisp- err, Legolas (so tempting, so very, very tempting! Elvish people are funny!), and Link stared at Dante from inside the bowels of the Highwind. (Hehehe.) Aeris was too busy sleeping in one of the sleeping quarters somewhere else.
"Gawd! If someone sees him in my uniform doing that, they're ganna assume it's me out there, acting like a stupid retard." Sephiroth growled, pulling at his bangs.
"HOLD ME JACK!" Dante squealed into the breeze. *Sweat drops blot unto Sephiroth's face*
"Well, they're going to be right even if it's not you." Link muttered, Sephiroth turned at him with flames igniting around him dramatically. "Err, I didn't say that."
"Bullfugginshiznese!" Sephiroth roared, ready to pound the little virgin elf into the ground. Kuja and Kain didn't want to be in the middle of the fight so they hopped off the stairs and ran to a safe distance. Aeris walked into the scene, yawning from the nap pickle juice.
"Sephiroth, leave the little Keabler elf alone, he needs to make the cookies!" Aeris shouted at him.
"Mmmm, cookies. The pastry of the night." Vincent said, walking in to join them all, leaving Cid all alone. Poor Cid.
"What the F*^% do cookies have to do with- Um.... Hey, cookies, yeah, cool." Sephiroth jumped down, leaving I eat muffins Link to recover his cool.
(Subliminal messages are fun, kids! Try them at home, but make sure you have an adult to help you. They work wonders when it comes to world domination! Hitler, George W. Bush, Satan, and Brittany Spears all used 'em and so can you!)
"Hey, where are Dante and Legolas?" Aeris asked, looking around.
"Dante's up on the deck, destroying Sephiroth's reputation and I don't know where Lego went." Kuja answered. "By the way, what do you use on your hair, Sephiroth?"
"NONE OF YOUR CONCERN!" Sephiroth barked at the pretty sorcerer.
"He uses a lot a Pantene Pro-V. His hair is so expensive; I have to buy twice as much now for him. Oh, and he spends A LOT of time making it all pretty." Aeris told them.
"AERIS, NO! SHUT UP!" Sephiroth howled, running in circles.
"He spends about an hour combing it, then another hour blow-drying it after he gets out of the shower, then another to comb it some more, and sometimes he-" Aeris said but Sephiroth was now screaming for her to shut up.
"THEY DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THIS!" Sephiroth shouted at the top of his lungs.
"Sometimes, he spends hours just straightening it with one of those hair straightening irons, he keeps it in his trench coat." Aeris finished. "Seriously, I don't see how you have time to be evil and all when you spend half the time on your hair, even I don't spend that much time on mine."
"I don't see what's so bad about it." Kuja stated, everyone glanced at him and raised an eyebrow.
"THAT IS SOOOOOO UNTRUE!!!!" Sephiroth cried out in despair. It was then that Dante came in from outside, holding the straightening iron up for everyone to see.
"Hey! Is this yours, Aeris? I found it in Sephiroth's jacket thingy." Dante declared. Everyone began to laugh with the exception of Kuja, Sephiroth, who was enraged and distressed at the same time, and Dante, who didn't know what was going on. However, Dante began to smile.
"I'm smiling because I don't know what's going on." Dante chimed to himself.
"Oh, my god, Sephiroth! We have something in common!" (Valley Girl) Kuja smiled, pushing away strands of his own fluffy hair.
"I want to die right now. Someone, aim for my head." Sephiroth muttered after slapping his forehead in an overwhelming disgust.
Back with Lego... las, Legolas! Yeah! Back with Legolas.....
"What is this?! Can I touch it? How do you make one of these? What's this thing called? They aren't edible, are they? Did you get this from Saruman? Does this thing make tea? What does this do? Ect, ect, ect." Legolas was poking around the mechanical part of the room where Cid was steering, asking numerous and endless questions. Legolas kept going on and on. Cid just kept smoking on and on until he finally snapped. (Viewer digression advised)
"WILL YOU SHUT THE *%#$#M (*&y%^$* C$&#&a^%t*(& *L&%i#%^k*% ^e $s%#T# *%u(*%n^$a* UP!!!!!!!!!" Cid had gone through three packs of cigs once Legolas' questions ceased.
"..." Legolas stayed silent for quite some time after that. He began to get bored. Yet, with his elvin eyes of sight (Available now for a limited time! They allow you to see things the naked (oh!) eye cannot! Just like the eye of truth! [Side effects may include; uncontrollable spasms of vomiting, the urge to watch 'Gone with the Wind' repetitively, and you all to worship me! DO IT, DAMN YOU, I COMMAND IT! SQUEEEEEEEEEEK!] Buy yours now before time runs out!), Legolas was able to spot Cid's cabinet full of never ending cigarettes. Immediately, the flaxen haired elf went over to investigate. He picked up a box and sniffed it. He gagged at the stench of them, but was also struck with an idea. Legolas then pulled out Gandalf's secret stash of Old Toby (a weed they smoke in Lord of the Rings for all those who are mentally unstable and/or don't know jack squat of LotR. I'm listening to Slipknot right now, I don't know why though, hehehe!) and placed it in one of the cigarette packs before walking away. Legolas pranced off to join everyone else in the other part of the ship.
"Damn little ($%$s! I should kick their (%&*#@^$*&%#$@E *^ *%*^$at&# @#&P&$#ie^#!" Cid muttered, finishing his cigarette and going for another one only to discover it empty. "(%$#(&^*&^$(&^!!!!!!!"
Cid went over to his cabinet of cigs to grab another pack. Coincidentally, he picked up the pack that Legolas tampered with. He pulled out one of the Old Toby (joints) and lit it up, not noticing it being different from his normal cigs until after taking a long drag. Cid looked at in surprise. (Uh oh, today is swear-like-a-sailor day.) "Whoa! This is some good shit!"
Back in the other room......Meow....
"So you first killed her?" Link asked Sephiroth.
"Yup. She was praying and I came down and stabbed her in the back." Sephiroth told them, guilt fully. Aeris did not hear the conversation because she was too busy forcing pants onto Kuja.
"PUT 'EM ON! YOUR NOT GOING OUT IN PUBLIC IN DRAG!!!!" Aeris yelled out Kuja, reluctantly he put them on after she pulled out the Piko hammer.
"And now you're trying to get in her pants?" Kain asked Sephiroth, trying to get him to admit.
"NO, no, not really- I MEAN, no, not at all!" Sephiroth fidgeted, batting his eyes and trying not to look suspicious. However, Aeris heard Kain's question and shot a questioning look.
"Get in my pants? I'm not wearing pants! YOU SICKOS! Keep back! I have a stick!" Aeris shouted at them, holding up her battle staff. The guys only looked at each other, well, except for Dante. He was looking at the magazine Aeris got for her birthday from Cid, he found it with the Sephiroth uniform too. Naughty Sephiroth.
"Hey, who else here wants to show her how little security she has?" Sephiroth asked with an evil grin.
"Me." Sephiroth, Dante, Legolas, and Kain all began to close in around her like a pack of vicious hyenas. Vincent, Link and Kuja watched in shock and intended to see how this would end.
"Obey my authorite!" Aeris hollered and twirled around her staff, making contact with their faces. The four of them were now lying on the ground with several bloody noses. Aeris stepped up on their bodies and did a little victory pose. "Hahah! I am the strongest woman alive! Hehehe!"
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Chun Li: NO! I am the strongest woman alive! EAT MY FIST FURY! I give you cool head punchies!
General Bison: Oh! Sexy pigtail chick in spandex!
Chun Li: Eeeeeeeeeew! (Punches Bison away)
Ranma: Hey! I'm pigtailed chick (throws cold water on himself and transforms into girl) See!
Author: ....... For those of you who actually know what I just said, shoot me. All others, just ignore this. Yes, uhhuh. Why of course, sure. Yes, yes- no! No. NO! NO I DIDN'T!!! SICKO! EW! LEAVE ME ALONE! AHHHHHHHHHH!
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Anyways... While Aeris was preoccupied with her little victory dance, Dante, Kain, Sephiroth, and Legolas fooled her good and dog piled onto her. Aeris squeaked in surprise as they tumbled on top of her. They all grabbed her and held her down while she kicked, hit, bit, and clawed at them. Finally they got her tired out, but not without having quite a few bloody marks on each of them.
"RAPE! RAPE! I AM BEING RAPED!" Aeris yelped. (okay, she's not being raped.) Sephiroth hogged tied her and sat near her with a busted lip, black eye, bloody nose, bite marks on his hands to where they were bleeding and lets not forget being kicked in the, err, groin (all thanks to Aeris). "OH! WHEN I GET OUT OF THESE, SEPHIROTH, YOU ARE SOOOOO GANNA DIE!!!!"
"Give up. Say you give up and that us men are superior and we'll untie you." Sephiroth cooed to her, patting her head lightly while trying to stop his blood flowing out of his wounds. She snapped at his hand as if to bite him again.
"Oooooh! She is soooooo vulnerable like this!" Kain purred with an aroused look in his eyes, well, one eye. The other one was swelling shut from being hit by Aeris' wrist gauntlets.
"..." Aeris glared at them in a fierce manner. Anger is bad for her complexion. Grrr. _
"Just give it up, Aeris. We are too powerful for you so, ha!" Dante said with a quick laugh. Aeris was now steaming mad and daggers were in her eyes.
"FIRE 3!!!!!!!!" Aeris shouted. Within seconds, Legolas, Dante, Kain, and Sephiroth were screaming and running in circles because their hair was on fire.
"AHHHHHH!" Legolas screamed.
"IT BURNS! DEAR GODS IT BURNS!" Dante shrieked. Sephiroth was already doing the Stop-Drop-and Roll routine and Kain used his dark vampire power's to turn into mist to put the fire out. The sprinkler system came on, soaking everything.
"MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR, IT'S RUINED!" Kuja screeched, running to the outside deck and trying to cover his hair from the water.
"......" Vincent stood there, silent as always, getting drench from the water.
"Wheeeeeeee! How spiffy! The ceiling is raining! Are we in a giant cloud?" Link asked.
"Hehehehehhehe!" Aeris giggled, still tied up and on the floor. "I'm happy again!"
Before anyone could recover, the Highwind jerked sharply to the side, sending everyone hurdling to one side of the ship. The sprinkler system finally stopped after everyone steadied themselves on the now bumpy ship. Aeris was screaming to be untied, Sephiroth was running over to help her and everyone else was either grasping on to something or screaming bloody murder. Sephiroth untied Aeris before the ship jolted again causing Aeris to fall into Sephiroth's arms.
"There's something happening in the cockpit! Cid must be in trouble!" Aeris said. Her eyes locked on the door leading to the room where Cid was. Sephiroth, however, didn't seem to care about that and was only focused on the worried Aeris in his arms. He casually bent over and pulled her deeper into the embrace, as well as inhaling her sweet scented perfume. Aeris noticed this and carelessly pushed away to get up and run over to the door to the cockpit. Sephiroth sighed and followed until another jolt occurred, sending them to their knees again. Aeris let out a yelp of pain after tripping on a pipe, Sephiroth ran to her side again.
"Are you alright?" Sephiroth inquired as he examined her ankle.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just help me up, we need to see what's happening!" Aeris replied, looking up into his face. He nodded and pulled her up with him. They made their way into the cockpit room. Once they came in, they noticed that Cid was not at the wheel. He was giggling on the floor as he stared at the ceiling. "Cid! What happened?!"
"Are those rice crispy creepy kids, Snap, Crackle and Pop, rejects of the Keabler elves?" Cid asked between giggles. He then began to dart his bloodshot eyes back and forth. "Heyyyyyyyy! You're here to take my muffins, aren't you?! AEREN'T YOU, DAMN IT!"
"Uh, what the hell?!" Sephiroth looked at Aeris with a questioning glance. He looked back down at Cid and noticed the joints next to his body. "Er, I think he's high."
"WHAT?! How the hell are we going to land this thing?!" Aeris asked looking out the window, watching what was left of North Crater pass beneath them for the fifth time.
"Um, I dunno." Sephiroth replied looking around at the different buttons around the wheel. He grabbed the wheel and began to steer. Soon, they were near Coral, circling around high above. Sephiroth went back to examining the control panel full of buttons and at last pushed one. The Highwind descended to the ground slowly, the engine powering down as well. In the end, the Highwind was on solid ground, landed squarely in front of the entrance to Coral town. Aeris was wide mouth staring at him.
"Since when did they teach generals how to fly big ships?!" Aeris asked in amazement.
"They don't." He told her.
"Then how did you figure out how to land?" Aeris questioned in surprise.
"I pushed the 'x' button, it says it right here on the instruction panel." Sephiroth pointed to it. Aeris stared at it dumbfounded, feeling stupid for freaking out so much about the issue. Sephiroth was trying very hard not to laugh at her, she shot him a fierce glare. Though they didn't notice, she stood next to a cabinet labeled: For Sale: One Parachute. Used Once. Never Opened. Slightly Stained. "Hey, nobody's perfect.... well, there was this one guy, but I killed him. So, yeah, nobody's perfect."
"Okay, let's just go now." She said in an annoyed tone, stepping over the now singing Cid.
"The little butterflies sing to my grandmaaaaaaaa!" Cid sang to himself. Aeris and Sephiroth just looked at him.
"Did you notice that he doesn't curse when he's high?" She asked him. He nodded and they left. Cid looked around slowly.
"Buggles! BUGGLES! My kittens! Saw the fluff luffa with a cookie!" Cid sniggered before passing out.
Back in the other room.... (Pikachu is Evilllllllllll!)
"We aren't moving anymore!" Link cried from the floor of the ship. The other's began to get up and Aeris and Sephiroth came out into the room.
"What happened?" Kain demanded.
"Cid was high, I didn't know he did pot." Aeris replied. (Don't smoke that stuff, kiddies, unless you want to cough up cats and tinker toys. Trust me, my neighbor had a bad experience with that stuff.)
"He's never smoked that stuff before." Vincent told her. They began to look troubled about the whole topic.
"...." Legolas was shaking nervously and sweating like a pedophile in a nursery. His eyes were darting to and fro, trying as hard as he could not to look suspicious.
"Oh well, let's hurry up and get to Gold Saucer." Aeris suggested, skipping up to the upper deck. When she opened the door, she found Kuja clinging to the railing of the ship for dear life. She had forgotten that he ran out here to save his hair from the sprinklers inside.
"Oh, poor Kuja. Come on, it's okay. We're on the ground now, lets go!" Aeris smiled and talked to him as if he were a small child. He let go and clung to her arm, still shaking from shock. They disembarked off the Highwind to the grassy plain before Coral. "OKAY! Are we ready to have a lot of fun?!"
"Uhhhhhhhhh." Everyone groaned unsure.
"Okay!" Aeris chirped with a smile. And with that, she skipped into the entrance to Coral.
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Author: HAHAHAHAHHAH! Heh, heh, yeah.
Link: I'm hungry.
Legolas: Well, I crave chocolate.
Dante: I look sexy in Sephiroth's outfit.
Sephiroth: I never want to hear that sentence again if you value your life.
Dante: Whadya ganna do? Iron my hair out with your little girly fufu iron thingy?
Kain: Hahahahah!
Sephiroth: SHUT THE (^%$ UP!
Author: Such language! For shame, Sephy, for shame! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that chapter. I'm very sorry that I didn't finish it earlier, I kept getting laid back in other crap.
Kuja: Like your pretty website!
Author: Yes, that's one of the things. In fact, I'm pretty much finished making it with some exceptions but feel free to visit it. The url thingy is uh, crap, I forgot. I'm too lazy to look it up right now so just click on my fanfiction.net author profile to see it. It should be something like:
www.geocities.com/aeriscetra22/
or something like that. Go there and see my crap. THEN LAUGH AT IT! I DEMAND IT OF YOU MERE MORTALS! Damn, I am tired. I just had a sugar crash. I need sleep. Sleeeeeeeeeeeep.
Kain: Ooooooh! Come! I'll let you sleep with me!
Sephiroth: Push off! No way in hell she's ganna do that!
Author: (falls asleep on keyboard) gbgtfcrtgvtbvrbfdjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
Legolas: Hey! Wake up! You're typing weird things with your head, dammit!
Author: mm,.,m,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,...........jujuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuu
Sephiroth: Riiiight.
Kain: (looks around to see if anyone's looking before beginning to feel up Aeris/Author)
Vincent: Uh, Kain? What the hell?
Kain: !!!!!!!!!!! (tries looking innocent) I just dropped my car keys somewhere near her.
Kuja: You don't have a car. None of us do, wait... What about you, Dante?
Dante: I have a motorcycle.
Legolas: I have a horsy.
Sephiroth: Hey, these people out there don't care. This is ending now.
Author: (mumbling in sleep) Sephiroth, Kain, Dante, Vincent and Legolas all OOZE sex appeal from every pore and orifice.
Link and Kuja: What about us?
Sephiroth: Now we know what goes on in her dreams. I'm ganna use my weird psycic controlly powers to go into them to, like I did with Cloud. Then I can, hehehe, do things in her dreams.
Vincent: End this now! Damn it!
Sephiroth: Fine! Geeze! Go away people and go to her sight, now! NOW!