Chapter XI
Author: Mwa! The eleventh chapter! There are just as many Final Fantasies made in the world so far. Well, I think twelve is on its way. Then there might be a thirteen, but I don't know. Must... Play... Alllllllll! Anywho, I'm writing, or typing, this during Christmas Eve!
Dante: (drunk off of eggnog) YAY! Presents! Deck the halls with -
Sephiroth: Shut up! Or I'll deck your halls! (cracks knuckles in a threatening way)
Kuja: Well, I got you a present, Aeris/author. Here you go.
Author: THANK YOU! (rips it open) Um, a nail salon set.... Uh, thanks Kuja.
Kain: (also drunk, but not off eggnog, human blood. He found a pack of hobos outside again) I got ya somethin' too! It's pretty! (hands her the wrapped gift and passes out cold, not that he was warm in the first place. Vampires. Coldness. Savvy?)
Author: (opened it) Wow, a human heart. Thanks, Kain. I'll, uh, treasure this until it reaks too much to wear I can't stand the smell. (Kain was still out cold)
Link: Me next! (hands her his present)
Author: (opened it unsurely, is that a word? Unsurely?) Uh, Link? What is it?
Link: (smiles happily) It's a bottled Poe!
Author: Oh. What's a Poe? (Opens bottle. The poe flies out and begins beating everyone with a lit lantern. It goes after Legolas with its lat)
Legolas: OWW! EEAK! HELP! OW!
Link: NOOOOOO! DON'T LET IT OUT - uh, too late.
Author: JEEZUZ CRAP! WHAT THE HELL?!
Link: I forgot to mention that they are evil spirits from Hyrule field. They like to pop out of graveyards too. But they look really pretty in bottles. (the poe continues to beat Legolas with the lamp) I think it like Legolas though.
Legolas: OW! F(%$#!!!!!!!! GET IT OFF!!!!!!! DAMN IT!!!
Author: Well, while I continue to get weird presents from my pets, YOU people start reading the story.
Vincent: Good idea. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aeris looked at the colorful Chocobo Racing center with glee. It was fun to watch the chocobos race. Link didn't really know what to do but figured out on how to bet on the chocobos though. Aeris stood waiting impatiently, thinking he was buying tickets so they could watch. However, he came back with multiple items he won off the betting.
"Where are the tickets?" Aeris asked. Link looked at her through the pile of stuff he won by sheer luck. He thought the pink chocobo was pretty so he always bet on it and it kept winning. He spent the first 30 minutes betting.
"Uh, what tickets?" Link asked, confused.
"The tickets for watching the races!" Aeris exclaimed. Link was still confused, so Aeris threw her hands in the air and pulled him towards the counter to buy the tickets. Link spent most of his money on the bets so Aeris had to pay. "Okay, we're only going to watch them for ten minutes. Then we move onto the next thing to do on this date."
So they sat and watched. Aeris was too drawn into it while Link paid little mind towards the large birds. He was too busy sorting through the crap he got noticing that all of it was no use to him. When the race ended, Aeris jumped up with Link and left to the next experience on this date. They hopped into another random tunnel and were sucked into the shooting roller coaster place. Link looked around curiously as usual and noticed some moogles flying about the place.
'I wonder if I could tie those to me and fly....' Link wondered, still determined to find a way to fly. 'I'll have to try it later, after the date.'
Link had just enough for two tickets on the ride since it was cheaper than the races. The worker lady directed them to their seats in the roller coaster. They strapped in as she instructed and she explained how to use the laser guns to shoot for points. Link wasn't really paying attention again and was busy looking about him. All of a sudden, they started moving. Aeris was giggling with glee and aimed the laser at the multiple targets. Link just looked around, in awe and wonder, not knowing what to do. Suddenly the ride began to speed up. Link grew worried while Aeris became happy with excitement as the speed went faster and faster. Soon they were going up and down and all around and Link couldn't take it anymore. Link started screaming like a little girl and his stomach lurched terribly. He turned green and threw himself to the side as he hurled up everything he had for lunch earlier.
Five minutes later, the ride came to a halt at the gate where they first came in. The lady that escorted them in gave Aeris a potion for a prize for all her points. Link had to be dragged out by the employees and Aeris was worried.
"Link! Are you all right? You vomited, I can see." Aeris said, wrinkling her nose at the odor.
"I think I also soiled myself." Link said, hazily. She helped him over to a corner and went for some napkins to clean off his once green tunic that was now splattered with vile yellowish vomit.
"Well, let's get you to the inn and we'll get you cleaned up. Thank gods you didn't throw up on me." Aeris said. They got to the spooky haunted inn and Link was still dizzy and they met up with the other guys. Dante had ceased his chase of Satan when he lost him in the mirror room of the haunted house inn's new ride that they now had built in. So Dante stood with the others quietly. They had already reserved three rooms: Aeris had to argue with them that she got her own room while they had to have four to the other two rooms. Vincent and Cid, who pooped (ugh! GROSS!!!!!!!! I meant POP!) POPPED out of nowhere, helped the wobbly Link to the nearest bathroom to change and get cleaned up. The remaining five boys, however, turned back towards Aeris with smiles of evilness plastered to their faces (heheh, evilness. I like evilness). It was Kain who held up the choosing straws of fate, with one less straw. Aeris groaned and sank into a dusty seat in the corner of the inn's main room. There was a chessboard before her and two ghosts in the other two seats playing chess; just like the last two times she was here. The guys each drew one straw and took a moment to look at them. Dante jumped up and down with joy.
"SUCKERS! I WON! OH YEAH!" Dante danced around like a total dork as the others groaned in disappointment. He finally walked over to Aeris and held out his arm and wore a charming smile. "Okay, Aeris! Shall we?"
"I can tell this is going to be a long night." She muttered as she took his arm and was led outside the inn to the hoppy tube things that allow you to travel to different parts of Gold Saucer. Dante and Aeris jumped randomly down one and busted out into an area with stairs and a hall nearby. Everyone in the area began the chaotic screams again and evacuated in a panicked mass at the sight of Dante, assuming he was Sephiroth. The couple stood in silence until everyone was gone, finally Aeris looked around. Aeris remembered this area and ran up the stairs, followed by Dante. They jumped on a trampoline thing and bounced up into a large arcade-like room. Aeris squealed with joy and ran through the rooms and over to a large moogles shaped arcade machine. Again, Dante followed.
"I'm ganna feed the moogles! Wheeeee!" Aeris squeaked. And she did, over and over and over.
"Aw, come on! This is retarded!" Dante moaned.
"Go somewhere else then! I'm having fun!" Aeris laughed at the cute baby moogles
Dante got so bored he went over to the arcade game that looked most interesting. He tried the virtual fighting game, and he got his ass kicked. Finally, they left and jumped again down a random hole. They found themselves in the Battle Arena's entrance. Dante brightened up tremendously.
"Now this is what I'm talking about!" Dante said ecstatically, running up to the counter.
"What?! You're going to try this?! But you sucked in the virtual fighting game!" Aeris yelped in surprise.
"Well I suck at video games (hey, he is a video game character! What the hell?) But I can really kick ass! Come and watch!" Dante said proudly. He went up to the register and asked to battle. The lady took one look at him in the Sephiroth costume and screamed and ran off. He went in while shrugging and began the battle. Aeris waited outside as she listened to the screams and shrieks of monsters dieing over and over. Finally, Dante came back out with tons of battle points and went over to the machine to trade them in. He came back over to Aeris, holding a large stuffed red chocobo and offered it to her. "I got this just for you!"
"Thank you, that is sweet, but I'm afraid it's too big for me to carry." Aeris pointed out. Dante noted that it was indeed the same size as Aeris and held it for her. "Let's go onto the next ride, I know one that is really nice."
"Okay, you lead." Dante said, carrying the large stuffed bird. Aeris walked over to the tube that led to the Gondola. They both hopped down it and came out in front of the Gondola itself, ticketed by a female employee, who, like all the others, ran in sheer fear from Dante. They boarded the Gondola nonetheless, it's automatic. They sat in the tiny ride in silence, Dante and the giant stuffed chocobo on one side and Aeris on the other.
"Well, Dante... This was fun, sorta." Aeris muttered the 'sorta' to where he couldn't hear. "Isn't the view beautiful?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In Dante's Mind.....
"Isn't the view beautiful?"
Answer one - "It's cool. Fireworks are pretty!"
Answer two - "It's nice, but YOU are more beautiful."
Answer three - "Uh, you wanna make out?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Back in reality....
"Uh, you wanna make out?" Dante asked in response. Aeris looked at him with the expression that read 'WHAT THE F*%# DO YOU MEAN MAKE OUT?!?!?!?!' and that was when he knew he was in trouble. Fortunately, before Aeris could slap him, Monty Python (Satan as we all know) peeped in from the window and cackled evilly.
"I have found you, Santa Clause's bitch! I now bite your groin muscles until you die!" Satan screamed as he attacked Dante. The Gondola couldn't take the weight of all of them and began to swing back and forth. However, Dante and Satan wrestled and fell out of the window and continued fighting as they fell. Aeris was relieved that that date was over so she sat in the Gondola with the red chocobo until it came to a halt.
"Well, the first date would have to be a six out of ten, due to Link's lack of sense and him vomiting as well as wetting himself. The second date is a four out of ten for Dante's lack of attention towards me and his sick rudeness at the end. I do like the chocobo, though." Aeris muttered to herself while she struggled to drag the chocobo back to the inn. Once she got there, she dropped the chocobo to the ground and sank into the chair once again. She ordered one of the guys to take the chocobo to her room before any other date. So Cid and Vincent carried it up to her room while Kuja, Sephiroth, Legolas and Kain went for the straws again.
Kain was the one who won this time. He grinned maliciously, showing off his vampire canines. Aeris was a bit worried that she wouldn't live after this. Kain went over and grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the stairs.
"WHAT THE HELL?!?! LEMME GO!!!" Aeris screamed.
"But you are mine for an hour! Let's go upstairs in your bedroom so you can let me have my way with you." Kain said.
"RAPE! RAPE!" Aeris began screaming like an alarm as he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. She grabbed onto the railing of the stairs and held on tight. The other guys charged at Kain and began beating him with their weapons.
"YOU CAN'T RAPE HER ON A DATE!!!!! SICK FU - " Sephiroth began, beating his face in with the hilt of his Masamune.
"SHOW HER RESPECT!" Legolas shouted.
"OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!!!!!!!!!" Kain yelled, the other guys backed off, still holding their weapons to the bleeding vampires head. "I WON'T TOUCH HER!!!!!!!!! Cough, cough, yet, cough, cough."
"What was that last part?!" Sephiroth demanded.
"Nothing, nothing at all!" Kain brushed himself off and turned back to Aeris, bowing to her deeply and stood back up with a pouting look on his face. "Dear, Aeris, I acted most obscenely, my most sincere apologies. I wish for you to forgive me." He then took her hand in a charming manner and pulled her out of the inn. "Come, my lady. Let's go have a bit of fun!"
Sephiroth disappeared out a window like a ninja. Legolas pulled out the One Ring TO RULE THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLL! (Sorry, bad habit) and put it on. He had stolen it from Frodo, the damn little hobbit didn't need it anyways. Legolas ran after them while invisible. Speaking of invisible, Kuja pulled out a cloak from within his robes (I shudder at the thought of what else he keeps down there). It was a cloak of invisibility that HE stole from Harry Potter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Author: OKAY, THIS IS JUST STUPID NOW! How the F%*$ing hell did Harry Pothead get in this?!?!??!?
Author's sister, Juliet: Hehehehehehe, I am stupiddddd, I sabootaje your writing thingy on computer, big sister! I eat pudding! Me like the cheeeeeeeeeeeese. ME ALSO LIKE HARRY POTTER, HE SEXY AND HIS SCAR TOO!!!!!!! You like Harry Potter TOO!
Author:....... (Gets her gun and shoots off a warning shot) GET THE HELL OFF MY COMPUTER, you stupid little Harry Potter obsessed freak! And NO! I LIKE MALFOY'S DAD! HE REMINDS ME OF SEPHY!
Juliet: RUN AWAY! SHE GOT BOOMSTICK!!!!!!!
Author: That's right! You run, or I'll tell mother!!!! Yes! MOTHER, I'm coming mother, I'm coming to release you from Shinra! Mother... it's almost time... Soon... we will become one! MWAAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!!!! (Gets hit over the head with a crowbar by Sephiroth.)
Sephiroth: ENOUGH! Get on with it!
Author: Righto! (Starts typing again while her head bleeds out large amounts of blood.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Aeris, where would you like to go on this courtship tonight?" Kain asked in a seductive tone.
'Somewhere where there are a lot of people in case you try and do something to me.' Aeris thought. "How about we go to Event Square?"
"As you wish, my lady." Kain said and they both hopped down the hole that led to it.
Meanwhile.....
A ninja-like Sephy and an invisible Kuja follow discretely after the vampire and Aeris as they go to the Event Square. Legolas, however, got lost in the Haunted Hotel and was later chased by Ring Wraiths while he wore the One Ring TO RULE THEM ALLLLLL! Ehem. So, as Sephiroth and Kuja follow the unsuspecting couple, unaware of each other themselves, they come upon the entrance of the Event Square. Kuja takes off the invisibility cloak and Sephiroth comes out of the shadows. They look at each other in surprise.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Sephiroth asked suspiciously.
"I was just about to ask you that." Kuja replied. "I'm making sure Aeris is safe."
"That's what I'm doin'!" Sephiroth said.
"Well, let's see what they're doing in this place." Kuja said. Sephiroth nodded in agreement and they both went through the entrance. Suddenly bells begin to ring and confetti shoots out unto them. They look around in confusion and alarm only to see a fat balding employee, much like the chocobo suit man from last chapter, greet them with a tired expression.
"Congratulations, you two are the 100th couple. You both get to perform in the play we have tonight." The employee said in a monotone voice as he pushed them both behind stage. "Now which one of you is the chick?"
"I beg your pardon?! DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO?! - " Sephiroth started, pulling out his Masamune. However, Kuja stopped him, even though he too was about to cast Doomsday on the employee's ass.
"We should do it! Then we can see what Kain is up to!" Kuja whispered to him. The employee led them to the dressing room and left, telling them that the other actors would help if they got stuck. "I'll be the Princess and you be the dude that saves the princess."
"Good, 'cause there is no force in nature that could get me in some damn dress. Besides, you already cross dress so none would know otherwise." Sephiroth stated. Before Kuja could say anything, or cast anything, the curtains parted and the both of them stood facing the audience in bewilderment. Sephiroth immediately shoved Kuja offstage as the other actors came on, whispering to him, "You not supposed to be on yet!" Sephiroth turned back towards the audience and spotted Aeris and Kain staring at him, wide eyed in confusion. The other actor danced his way over to him, dressed in shining armor, most likely a knight.
"Oh! Our hero has arrived! It's the brave Sir - " The knight began.
"Sephiroth, SEPHIROTH!" Sephiroth whispered to him, the knight stared at him in confusion and fear. "Say Sephiroth or you die!"
"Ehem! It's the brave Se-Sephiroth! Please, will you help us?" The knight began to shake in fear as he continued his lines. Then a man dressed up like a wizard and another dressed as a king twirled out onstage next to Sephiroth.
"Will you save my daughter, the Princess Rosa?" The king asked.
"Uh, sure?" Sephiroth shrugged.
"OH! Joy! You must slay the evil dragon king that hold the princess captive!" the wizards said. "you can only defeat him with the power of love!"
"Eww." Sephiroth cringed. "I'm not screwing no dragon!"
"Stick with the script!" The knight whispered.
"What script?!?" Sephiroth asked in sheer frustration. It was then that a sloppy looking dragon costume with an actor inside came unto the stage, carrying Kuja. "What the hell?" Kuja was in a pink dress.
"I am the evil dragon king! I have the princess! What are you ganna do?! Hahahha!" The dragon laughed. Sephiroth had had enough, he pulled out his Masamune and attacked. The actor in the dragon costume screamed and struggled to run. Kuja was thrown to the floor before he got up to look for Aeris and spotted them leaving.
Meanwhile......
"Oh my god, this is so embarrassing." Aeris muttered, while leaving with Kain. Kain stopped and picked up a half-eaten hotdog and chucked it at the stage, hitting Kuja. Aeris turned around while he began laughing. "What is it?"
"Nothing." Kain said. They both left. "I know some place we could go to have fun."
"Oh, really? I'm not doing anything naughty with you, so drop it!" Aeris said.
"No, it's nothing like that." Kain grinned, "You are rather bad at fighting, I just figured, maybe I could teach you a thing or two in the Battle Arena."
"I don't kno-" Aeris started but was pulled down the tube that led to it before she could finish.
"Come on!" Kain pulled her up to the counter and he bought admission in.
"One at a time, please." The lady said, halting the vampire. Kain told Aeris to look the other way and he quickly killed, and drained of all blood, from the employee. They went in and he showed her how to punch correctly.
Meanwhile...the peacocks...
"I know he's up to something!" Sephiroth whispered. Legolas had found his way to the other two spying men and they watched Kain and Aeris until the couple left the Battle Arena. Aeris looked as if she was beginning to enjoy Kain's company as he kept up the cute and innocent act in front of her. The two of them went off to the Gondola ride and were of course followed by the three zealous and jealous men. They both got on the Gondola and sat in silence at first.
Inside the Gondola.... that's a funny word. Gondola.......
"So, Aeris, did you enjoy this date?" Kain asked her as she licked at an ice cream that he purchased for her before they got on the Gondola. Heheh, GONDOLA! Sounds Spanish...
"Yeah, I'm impressed." Aeris said between licks.
"You are beautiful." Kain said to her.
"Uh, thanks?" Aeris replied, beginning to get uncomfortable again. Kain moved to sit on the same seat as her, scooting closer to her. She tried to wriggle away but found that she was cornered in it. So she got up and sat over where he was sitting. "I don't think this is wise, Kain."
"Fine." He shrugged and slumped down in the seat disappointed. There was a sudden bump in the ride and Aeris' ice cream went 'splat' on her front. She let out a cry of stress. Kain pulled out a napkin. "Here let me help."
"Thanks." Aeris said as she and Kain began to clean her dress. It was then that Sephiroth, Kuja and Legolas peeped in from outside.
"HA! I KNEW it! You sicko! We shouldn't have trusted you with her alone!" Sephiroth cried, grabbing Kain by the hair and pulling him out of the Gondola.
"Sephiroth! He di-" Aeris tried to stop them.
"OH, I know what he did to you Aeris! We heard you scream and came to help and now we find him with his hands all over you! Let's teach him a lesson!" Sephiroth and the others leapt off the Gondola and took Kain somewhere where they could administer a immensely painful beating. Aeris sighed and waited for the ride to end. When she got out she went for the hotel and passed everyone silently as they asked questions and slammed her door.
"NO MORE DATES UNTIL TOMORROW!!!!!" She screamed and that was all.
Meanwhile.....
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!" Kain screamed as they continued beating him in a secluded alleyway. "HELLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Author: Poor Kain.
Kain: No one loves me.
Author: (huggles Kain) I do.
Kain: (sniff) thank you!
Author: MORE PRESENTS!!!!! (Opens Legolas' present) OH!!!!!!! Pretty! I got a ring! It's gold and plain looking though.
Legolas: It is the One Ring () TO RULE THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHHAHH!!!!
Author: (puts it on and turns invisible) Hahahaha! I'm invisible! (Ring Wraiths pop out of nowhere) AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! RUN AWAY!!!!!!! (Aeris/Author is chases by Ring Wraiths)
Vincent: While she is being chased by the minions of the dark lord Sauron that are about to stab her with knives of pointy doom that burn with a thousand evils, I'll just open her gift for her. (opens) Oh, I gave her a pretty Gothic dress.
Author: (running by) But I like PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND GREEN!!!!!!!! AND SILVER!!!!! AND, oh, yeah, black. THANK YOU VINNY!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! (a ring wraith pokes her in the butt) SICK PERVERTED WRAITH!!!!!!! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT!!!!!!!
Wraith: No man can kill me!
Author: I AM NO MAN!!!!!!!!!! (Takes a sword and beat the crap out of the wraith, it runs away screaming) HA! (Does victory dance while still invisible)
Vincent: Here's a gift from Dante. (Opens it) It's a, er, what is it Dante? (It looks like a deformed yellow head)
Dante: I don't know but I found it in hell. I use em to come back to life.
Author: (takes off the one ring and is visible again.) Lemme see! Cool! Thank you, Dante!
Sephiroth: MY TURN!!! Here you go! (Turns around and runs like hell)
Author: (rips it open excited but turns red with embarrassment when noticing what it is) SEPHIROTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Chases him)
Vincent: (pulls out Victoria Secret sexy sleepwear) Ohhhhhhhh! I remember Lucrecia wearing something like this - (realizes he said it out loud) uh, never mind that. (Aeris/Author grabs Sephiroth by the hair and begins to beat him with a lawn gnome until he bleeds)
Kuja: Aw, screams of agony, sexy sleepwear, bloody messes..... Yup! It's the holidays.
Author: (Washes off the blood) Thanks again everyone for reading and reviewing! I give you all a present! (Blows them all a kiss)
Audience: EWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!
Author: Okay, fine no kiss. I'll do that to my little pets!
Little pets, including a bloody Sephy: YAY!
Author: Merry Late Whatever and hope to the gods next year will be better than this one! Until next chapter, in which I shall need 15 more reviews (yes! I AM being evil! MWAHAHAH!). If my demands are not met by new years day, the little Pepsi girl will DIE and so will I, wait... Me? I don't want to die! HELP ME! PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Author: Mwa! The eleventh chapter! There are just as many Final Fantasies made in the world so far. Well, I think twelve is on its way. Then there might be a thirteen, but I don't know. Must... Play... Alllllllll! Anywho, I'm writing, or typing, this during Christmas Eve!
Dante: (drunk off of eggnog) YAY! Presents! Deck the halls with -
Sephiroth: Shut up! Or I'll deck your halls! (cracks knuckles in a threatening way)
Kuja: Well, I got you a present, Aeris/author. Here you go.
Author: THANK YOU! (rips it open) Um, a nail salon set.... Uh, thanks Kuja.
Kain: (also drunk, but not off eggnog, human blood. He found a pack of hobos outside again) I got ya somethin' too! It's pretty! (hands her the wrapped gift and passes out cold, not that he was warm in the first place. Vampires. Coldness. Savvy?)
Author: (opened it) Wow, a human heart. Thanks, Kain. I'll, uh, treasure this until it reaks too much to wear I can't stand the smell. (Kain was still out cold)
Link: Me next! (hands her his present)
Author: (opened it unsurely, is that a word? Unsurely?) Uh, Link? What is it?
Link: (smiles happily) It's a bottled Poe!
Author: Oh. What's a Poe? (Opens bottle. The poe flies out and begins beating everyone with a lit lantern. It goes after Legolas with its lat)
Legolas: OWW! EEAK! HELP! OW!
Link: NOOOOOO! DON'T LET IT OUT - uh, too late.
Author: JEEZUZ CRAP! WHAT THE HELL?!
Link: I forgot to mention that they are evil spirits from Hyrule field. They like to pop out of graveyards too. But they look really pretty in bottles. (the poe continues to beat Legolas with the lamp) I think it like Legolas though.
Legolas: OW! F(%$#!!!!!!!! GET IT OFF!!!!!!! DAMN IT!!!
Author: Well, while I continue to get weird presents from my pets, YOU people start reading the story.
Vincent: Good idea. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aeris looked at the colorful Chocobo Racing center with glee. It was fun to watch the chocobos race. Link didn't really know what to do but figured out on how to bet on the chocobos though. Aeris stood waiting impatiently, thinking he was buying tickets so they could watch. However, he came back with multiple items he won off the betting.
"Where are the tickets?" Aeris asked. Link looked at her through the pile of stuff he won by sheer luck. He thought the pink chocobo was pretty so he always bet on it and it kept winning. He spent the first 30 minutes betting.
"Uh, what tickets?" Link asked, confused.
"The tickets for watching the races!" Aeris exclaimed. Link was still confused, so Aeris threw her hands in the air and pulled him towards the counter to buy the tickets. Link spent most of his money on the bets so Aeris had to pay. "Okay, we're only going to watch them for ten minutes. Then we move onto the next thing to do on this date."
So they sat and watched. Aeris was too drawn into it while Link paid little mind towards the large birds. He was too busy sorting through the crap he got noticing that all of it was no use to him. When the race ended, Aeris jumped up with Link and left to the next experience on this date. They hopped into another random tunnel and were sucked into the shooting roller coaster place. Link looked around curiously as usual and noticed some moogles flying about the place.
'I wonder if I could tie those to me and fly....' Link wondered, still determined to find a way to fly. 'I'll have to try it later, after the date.'
Link had just enough for two tickets on the ride since it was cheaper than the races. The worker lady directed them to their seats in the roller coaster. They strapped in as she instructed and she explained how to use the laser guns to shoot for points. Link wasn't really paying attention again and was busy looking about him. All of a sudden, they started moving. Aeris was giggling with glee and aimed the laser at the multiple targets. Link just looked around, in awe and wonder, not knowing what to do. Suddenly the ride began to speed up. Link grew worried while Aeris became happy with excitement as the speed went faster and faster. Soon they were going up and down and all around and Link couldn't take it anymore. Link started screaming like a little girl and his stomach lurched terribly. He turned green and threw himself to the side as he hurled up everything he had for lunch earlier.
Five minutes later, the ride came to a halt at the gate where they first came in. The lady that escorted them in gave Aeris a potion for a prize for all her points. Link had to be dragged out by the employees and Aeris was worried.
"Link! Are you all right? You vomited, I can see." Aeris said, wrinkling her nose at the odor.
"I think I also soiled myself." Link said, hazily. She helped him over to a corner and went for some napkins to clean off his once green tunic that was now splattered with vile yellowish vomit.
"Well, let's get you to the inn and we'll get you cleaned up. Thank gods you didn't throw up on me." Aeris said. They got to the spooky haunted inn and Link was still dizzy and they met up with the other guys. Dante had ceased his chase of Satan when he lost him in the mirror room of the haunted house inn's new ride that they now had built in. So Dante stood with the others quietly. They had already reserved three rooms: Aeris had to argue with them that she got her own room while they had to have four to the other two rooms. Vincent and Cid, who pooped (ugh! GROSS!!!!!!!! I meant POP!) POPPED out of nowhere, helped the wobbly Link to the nearest bathroom to change and get cleaned up. The remaining five boys, however, turned back towards Aeris with smiles of evilness plastered to their faces (heheh, evilness. I like evilness). It was Kain who held up the choosing straws of fate, with one less straw. Aeris groaned and sank into a dusty seat in the corner of the inn's main room. There was a chessboard before her and two ghosts in the other two seats playing chess; just like the last two times she was here. The guys each drew one straw and took a moment to look at them. Dante jumped up and down with joy.
"SUCKERS! I WON! OH YEAH!" Dante danced around like a total dork as the others groaned in disappointment. He finally walked over to Aeris and held out his arm and wore a charming smile. "Okay, Aeris! Shall we?"
"I can tell this is going to be a long night." She muttered as she took his arm and was led outside the inn to the hoppy tube things that allow you to travel to different parts of Gold Saucer. Dante and Aeris jumped randomly down one and busted out into an area with stairs and a hall nearby. Everyone in the area began the chaotic screams again and evacuated in a panicked mass at the sight of Dante, assuming he was Sephiroth. The couple stood in silence until everyone was gone, finally Aeris looked around. Aeris remembered this area and ran up the stairs, followed by Dante. They jumped on a trampoline thing and bounced up into a large arcade-like room. Aeris squealed with joy and ran through the rooms and over to a large moogles shaped arcade machine. Again, Dante followed.
"I'm ganna feed the moogles! Wheeeee!" Aeris squeaked. And she did, over and over and over.
"Aw, come on! This is retarded!" Dante moaned.
"Go somewhere else then! I'm having fun!" Aeris laughed at the cute baby moogles
Dante got so bored he went over to the arcade game that looked most interesting. He tried the virtual fighting game, and he got his ass kicked. Finally, they left and jumped again down a random hole. They found themselves in the Battle Arena's entrance. Dante brightened up tremendously.
"Now this is what I'm talking about!" Dante said ecstatically, running up to the counter.
"What?! You're going to try this?! But you sucked in the virtual fighting game!" Aeris yelped in surprise.
"Well I suck at video games (hey, he is a video game character! What the hell?) But I can really kick ass! Come and watch!" Dante said proudly. He went up to the register and asked to battle. The lady took one look at him in the Sephiroth costume and screamed and ran off. He went in while shrugging and began the battle. Aeris waited outside as she listened to the screams and shrieks of monsters dieing over and over. Finally, Dante came back out with tons of battle points and went over to the machine to trade them in. He came back over to Aeris, holding a large stuffed red chocobo and offered it to her. "I got this just for you!"
"Thank you, that is sweet, but I'm afraid it's too big for me to carry." Aeris pointed out. Dante noted that it was indeed the same size as Aeris and held it for her. "Let's go onto the next ride, I know one that is really nice."
"Okay, you lead." Dante said, carrying the large stuffed bird. Aeris walked over to the tube that led to the Gondola. They both hopped down it and came out in front of the Gondola itself, ticketed by a female employee, who, like all the others, ran in sheer fear from Dante. They boarded the Gondola nonetheless, it's automatic. They sat in the tiny ride in silence, Dante and the giant stuffed chocobo on one side and Aeris on the other.
"Well, Dante... This was fun, sorta." Aeris muttered the 'sorta' to where he couldn't hear. "Isn't the view beautiful?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In Dante's Mind.....
"Isn't the view beautiful?"
Answer one - "It's cool. Fireworks are pretty!"
Answer two - "It's nice, but YOU are more beautiful."
Answer three - "Uh, you wanna make out?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Back in reality....
"Uh, you wanna make out?" Dante asked in response. Aeris looked at him with the expression that read 'WHAT THE F*%# DO YOU MEAN MAKE OUT?!?!?!?!' and that was when he knew he was in trouble. Fortunately, before Aeris could slap him, Monty Python (Satan as we all know) peeped in from the window and cackled evilly.
"I have found you, Santa Clause's bitch! I now bite your groin muscles until you die!" Satan screamed as he attacked Dante. The Gondola couldn't take the weight of all of them and began to swing back and forth. However, Dante and Satan wrestled and fell out of the window and continued fighting as they fell. Aeris was relieved that that date was over so she sat in the Gondola with the red chocobo until it came to a halt.
"Well, the first date would have to be a six out of ten, due to Link's lack of sense and him vomiting as well as wetting himself. The second date is a four out of ten for Dante's lack of attention towards me and his sick rudeness at the end. I do like the chocobo, though." Aeris muttered to herself while she struggled to drag the chocobo back to the inn. Once she got there, she dropped the chocobo to the ground and sank into the chair once again. She ordered one of the guys to take the chocobo to her room before any other date. So Cid and Vincent carried it up to her room while Kuja, Sephiroth, Legolas and Kain went for the straws again.
Kain was the one who won this time. He grinned maliciously, showing off his vampire canines. Aeris was a bit worried that she wouldn't live after this. Kain went over and grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the stairs.
"WHAT THE HELL?!?! LEMME GO!!!" Aeris screamed.
"But you are mine for an hour! Let's go upstairs in your bedroom so you can let me have my way with you." Kain said.
"RAPE! RAPE!" Aeris began screaming like an alarm as he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. She grabbed onto the railing of the stairs and held on tight. The other guys charged at Kain and began beating him with their weapons.
"YOU CAN'T RAPE HER ON A DATE!!!!! SICK FU - " Sephiroth began, beating his face in with the hilt of his Masamune.
"SHOW HER RESPECT!" Legolas shouted.
"OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!!!!!!!!!" Kain yelled, the other guys backed off, still holding their weapons to the bleeding vampires head. "I WON'T TOUCH HER!!!!!!!!! Cough, cough, yet, cough, cough."
"What was that last part?!" Sephiroth demanded.
"Nothing, nothing at all!" Kain brushed himself off and turned back to Aeris, bowing to her deeply and stood back up with a pouting look on his face. "Dear, Aeris, I acted most obscenely, my most sincere apologies. I wish for you to forgive me." He then took her hand in a charming manner and pulled her out of the inn. "Come, my lady. Let's go have a bit of fun!"
Sephiroth disappeared out a window like a ninja. Legolas pulled out the One Ring TO RULE THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLL! (Sorry, bad habit) and put it on. He had stolen it from Frodo, the damn little hobbit didn't need it anyways. Legolas ran after them while invisible. Speaking of invisible, Kuja pulled out a cloak from within his robes (I shudder at the thought of what else he keeps down there). It was a cloak of invisibility that HE stole from Harry Potter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Author: OKAY, THIS IS JUST STUPID NOW! How the F%*$ing hell did Harry Pothead get in this?!?!??!?
Author's sister, Juliet: Hehehehehehe, I am stupiddddd, I sabootaje your writing thingy on computer, big sister! I eat pudding! Me like the cheeeeeeeeeeeese. ME ALSO LIKE HARRY POTTER, HE SEXY AND HIS SCAR TOO!!!!!!! You like Harry Potter TOO!
Author:....... (Gets her gun and shoots off a warning shot) GET THE HELL OFF MY COMPUTER, you stupid little Harry Potter obsessed freak! And NO! I LIKE MALFOY'S DAD! HE REMINDS ME OF SEPHY!
Juliet: RUN AWAY! SHE GOT BOOMSTICK!!!!!!!
Author: That's right! You run, or I'll tell mother!!!! Yes! MOTHER, I'm coming mother, I'm coming to release you from Shinra! Mother... it's almost time... Soon... we will become one! MWAAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!!!! (Gets hit over the head with a crowbar by Sephiroth.)
Sephiroth: ENOUGH! Get on with it!
Author: Righto! (Starts typing again while her head bleeds out large amounts of blood.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Aeris, where would you like to go on this courtship tonight?" Kain asked in a seductive tone.
'Somewhere where there are a lot of people in case you try and do something to me.' Aeris thought. "How about we go to Event Square?"
"As you wish, my lady." Kain said and they both hopped down the hole that led to it.
Meanwhile.....
A ninja-like Sephy and an invisible Kuja follow discretely after the vampire and Aeris as they go to the Event Square. Legolas, however, got lost in the Haunted Hotel and was later chased by Ring Wraiths while he wore the One Ring TO RULE THEM ALLLLLL! Ehem. So, as Sephiroth and Kuja follow the unsuspecting couple, unaware of each other themselves, they come upon the entrance of the Event Square. Kuja takes off the invisibility cloak and Sephiroth comes out of the shadows. They look at each other in surprise.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Sephiroth asked suspiciously.
"I was just about to ask you that." Kuja replied. "I'm making sure Aeris is safe."
"That's what I'm doin'!" Sephiroth said.
"Well, let's see what they're doing in this place." Kuja said. Sephiroth nodded in agreement and they both went through the entrance. Suddenly bells begin to ring and confetti shoots out unto them. They look around in confusion and alarm only to see a fat balding employee, much like the chocobo suit man from last chapter, greet them with a tired expression.
"Congratulations, you two are the 100th couple. You both get to perform in the play we have tonight." The employee said in a monotone voice as he pushed them both behind stage. "Now which one of you is the chick?"
"I beg your pardon?! DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO?! - " Sephiroth started, pulling out his Masamune. However, Kuja stopped him, even though he too was about to cast Doomsday on the employee's ass.
"We should do it! Then we can see what Kain is up to!" Kuja whispered to him. The employee led them to the dressing room and left, telling them that the other actors would help if they got stuck. "I'll be the Princess and you be the dude that saves the princess."
"Good, 'cause there is no force in nature that could get me in some damn dress. Besides, you already cross dress so none would know otherwise." Sephiroth stated. Before Kuja could say anything, or cast anything, the curtains parted and the both of them stood facing the audience in bewilderment. Sephiroth immediately shoved Kuja offstage as the other actors came on, whispering to him, "You not supposed to be on yet!" Sephiroth turned back towards the audience and spotted Aeris and Kain staring at him, wide eyed in confusion. The other actor danced his way over to him, dressed in shining armor, most likely a knight.
"Oh! Our hero has arrived! It's the brave Sir - " The knight began.
"Sephiroth, SEPHIROTH!" Sephiroth whispered to him, the knight stared at him in confusion and fear. "Say Sephiroth or you die!"
"Ehem! It's the brave Se-Sephiroth! Please, will you help us?" The knight began to shake in fear as he continued his lines. Then a man dressed up like a wizard and another dressed as a king twirled out onstage next to Sephiroth.
"Will you save my daughter, the Princess Rosa?" The king asked.
"Uh, sure?" Sephiroth shrugged.
"OH! Joy! You must slay the evil dragon king that hold the princess captive!" the wizards said. "you can only defeat him with the power of love!"
"Eww." Sephiroth cringed. "I'm not screwing no dragon!"
"Stick with the script!" The knight whispered.
"What script?!?" Sephiroth asked in sheer frustration. It was then that a sloppy looking dragon costume with an actor inside came unto the stage, carrying Kuja. "What the hell?" Kuja was in a pink dress.
"I am the evil dragon king! I have the princess! What are you ganna do?! Hahahha!" The dragon laughed. Sephiroth had had enough, he pulled out his Masamune and attacked. The actor in the dragon costume screamed and struggled to run. Kuja was thrown to the floor before he got up to look for Aeris and spotted them leaving.
Meanwhile......
"Oh my god, this is so embarrassing." Aeris muttered, while leaving with Kain. Kain stopped and picked up a half-eaten hotdog and chucked it at the stage, hitting Kuja. Aeris turned around while he began laughing. "What is it?"
"Nothing." Kain said. They both left. "I know some place we could go to have fun."
"Oh, really? I'm not doing anything naughty with you, so drop it!" Aeris said.
"No, it's nothing like that." Kain grinned, "You are rather bad at fighting, I just figured, maybe I could teach you a thing or two in the Battle Arena."
"I don't kno-" Aeris started but was pulled down the tube that led to it before she could finish.
"Come on!" Kain pulled her up to the counter and he bought admission in.
"One at a time, please." The lady said, halting the vampire. Kain told Aeris to look the other way and he quickly killed, and drained of all blood, from the employee. They went in and he showed her how to punch correctly.
Meanwhile...the peacocks...
"I know he's up to something!" Sephiroth whispered. Legolas had found his way to the other two spying men and they watched Kain and Aeris until the couple left the Battle Arena. Aeris looked as if she was beginning to enjoy Kain's company as he kept up the cute and innocent act in front of her. The two of them went off to the Gondola ride and were of course followed by the three zealous and jealous men. They both got on the Gondola and sat in silence at first.
Inside the Gondola.... that's a funny word. Gondola.......
"So, Aeris, did you enjoy this date?" Kain asked her as she licked at an ice cream that he purchased for her before they got on the Gondola. Heheh, GONDOLA! Sounds Spanish...
"Yeah, I'm impressed." Aeris said between licks.
"You are beautiful." Kain said to her.
"Uh, thanks?" Aeris replied, beginning to get uncomfortable again. Kain moved to sit on the same seat as her, scooting closer to her. She tried to wriggle away but found that she was cornered in it. So she got up and sat over where he was sitting. "I don't think this is wise, Kain."
"Fine." He shrugged and slumped down in the seat disappointed. There was a sudden bump in the ride and Aeris' ice cream went 'splat' on her front. She let out a cry of stress. Kain pulled out a napkin. "Here let me help."
"Thanks." Aeris said as she and Kain began to clean her dress. It was then that Sephiroth, Kuja and Legolas peeped in from outside.
"HA! I KNEW it! You sicko! We shouldn't have trusted you with her alone!" Sephiroth cried, grabbing Kain by the hair and pulling him out of the Gondola.
"Sephiroth! He di-" Aeris tried to stop them.
"OH, I know what he did to you Aeris! We heard you scream and came to help and now we find him with his hands all over you! Let's teach him a lesson!" Sephiroth and the others leapt off the Gondola and took Kain somewhere where they could administer a immensely painful beating. Aeris sighed and waited for the ride to end. When she got out she went for the hotel and passed everyone silently as they asked questions and slammed her door.
"NO MORE DATES UNTIL TOMORROW!!!!!" She screamed and that was all.
Meanwhile.....
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!" Kain screamed as they continued beating him in a secluded alleyway. "HELLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Author: Poor Kain.
Kain: No one loves me.
Author: (huggles Kain) I do.
Kain: (sniff) thank you!
Author: MORE PRESENTS!!!!! (Opens Legolas' present) OH!!!!!!! Pretty! I got a ring! It's gold and plain looking though.
Legolas: It is the One Ring () TO RULE THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHHAHH!!!!
Author: (puts it on and turns invisible) Hahahaha! I'm invisible! (Ring Wraiths pop out of nowhere) AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! RUN AWAY!!!!!!! (Aeris/Author is chases by Ring Wraiths)
Vincent: While she is being chased by the minions of the dark lord Sauron that are about to stab her with knives of pointy doom that burn with a thousand evils, I'll just open her gift for her. (opens) Oh, I gave her a pretty Gothic dress.
Author: (running by) But I like PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND GREEN!!!!!!!! AND SILVER!!!!! AND, oh, yeah, black. THANK YOU VINNY!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! (a ring wraith pokes her in the butt) SICK PERVERTED WRAITH!!!!!!! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT!!!!!!!
Wraith: No man can kill me!
Author: I AM NO MAN!!!!!!!!!! (Takes a sword and beat the crap out of the wraith, it runs away screaming) HA! (Does victory dance while still invisible)
Vincent: Here's a gift from Dante. (Opens it) It's a, er, what is it Dante? (It looks like a deformed yellow head)
Dante: I don't know but I found it in hell. I use em to come back to life.
Author: (takes off the one ring and is visible again.) Lemme see! Cool! Thank you, Dante!
Sephiroth: MY TURN!!! Here you go! (Turns around and runs like hell)
Author: (rips it open excited but turns red with embarrassment when noticing what it is) SEPHIROTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Chases him)
Vincent: (pulls out Victoria Secret sexy sleepwear) Ohhhhhhhh! I remember Lucrecia wearing something like this - (realizes he said it out loud) uh, never mind that. (Aeris/Author grabs Sephiroth by the hair and begins to beat him with a lawn gnome until he bleeds)
Kuja: Aw, screams of agony, sexy sleepwear, bloody messes..... Yup! It's the holidays.
Author: (Washes off the blood) Thanks again everyone for reading and reviewing! I give you all a present! (Blows them all a kiss)
Audience: EWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!
Author: Okay, fine no kiss. I'll do that to my little pets!
Little pets, including a bloody Sephy: YAY!
Author: Merry Late Whatever and hope to the gods next year will be better than this one! Until next chapter, in which I shall need 15 more reviews (yes! I AM being evil! MWAHAHAH!). If my demands are not met by new years day, the little Pepsi girl will DIE and so will I, wait... Me? I don't want to die! HELP ME! PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!