Chapter XIII
Author: OOHHHHHHHH! So exciting! We're on the thirteenth chapter? Well, TOO BAD! I'm not continuing it!
All: WHAT?!?!?!
Author: No, I'm just kidding ya! Hahaha! But this chapter is not going to be on the story, this chapter's ganna be completely random crap. A story within a story! Like Hash dot Sign or whatever. Just not extremely confusing and repetitive in gameplay.
All: Yeeahhhh - !!!!! Noooooo!!!
Author: Too F***in' bad! All in all, it's just ganna be like an overly long author note, with thanks to my reviewers and special guests and crap like that. So I'm ganna start this off... For those people that are either Chinese or really retarded and tuned in now instead of reading it from the beginning, I'm Aeris/author, (I'm cutting the 'author' part off to save space.) This is my fic. Duh.
Sephiroth: (stares at a picture behind Aeris) Hmm... So, you want to make fun of me, eh? LET ME CALL MY AGENT, MR. STABITY KNIFE!!!!!!!! (Sephiroth takes out his Masamune and stabs the picture of Hojo.)
Aeris: (jumps around, screaming from being startled.) AAAAAHHHHH! Where the hell did you come from?!?!
Sephiroth: Blame my parents, Aeris (Sephiroth skips over to her smiling evilly)
Aeris: (examines her nails in a bored manner after calming down.) Are you going to kill me again, Sephy?
Sephiroth: Feh! Been there, done that... Do you have any tea, Aeris? (Pulls her in romantically.)
Aeris: (tries to struggle out of his grasp but to no avail.) No, I haven't any tea! What is with Final Fantasy characters and their tea!?!? Let go, you brute, let go I say! (Elisha, Dante, Kuja, Ashley and Yuffie walk into the room and suddenly everyone's materia is gone. All look at Yuffie.)
Yuffie: (looks innocently at everyone.) WHAT?!?!?
Reno: (A.K.A. Patrick, runs in and throws Yuffie over his shoulder with an evil grin on his face and runs off with her.)
Dante: What.... The.... Hell? Hey! I'm in hell! Sweeeeeeet.
Kuja: Um, people out in the audience, this is Ashley (points at Ashley who smiles and waves insanely from behind him), she's one of the reappearing guest like Elisha (points at Elisha who smiles evilly at Kuja himself, and plotting her next pie raid at the nearest bakery.). So, um, yeah. (Gets toppled by both Elisha and Ashley and nearly squeezed to death from the immense hugging.)
Elisha and Ashley: (hugs Kuja repetitively.) HUGGLES!!!!!!!
Kuja: (gasping for air.) Can't... breath....!!!! Smearing... make-up!!!! NOOOOOO!
Aeris: (is still being violated by Sephiroth for no reason at all, screaming at him.) Get your hands off me!!! When I'm free, I will so summon the legion of Keabler elves of the apocalypse to kick your ass! Hey! NO! Get off! Listen you!!!!! Oh! Hey, that feels kinda.... nice. Ooooh. Lowerrrrrr.... Mmmmmmm... Oh, yeah, Sephy.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY! Wait! Don't you dare put your hand there!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!! NO MAN IS TO TOUCH ME THERE!!!!!!!!
Elisha: (folds her arms) So you're not enjoying this at all, Aeris? You're the one writing this crap!
Aeris: (gave up squirming and looks at Elisha then at Sephiroth, then back again. Evil smile.) SIT BOY!!!
Sephiroth: (falls to the floor automatically. Aeris then pours cold water over him and he turns into a rabid peacock.) Cuuuuu?! (Kagome and Girl Ranma run in)
Kagome: Hey! That's my line!!!
Girl Ranma: (splashes self with warm water and becomes a boy) Yeah! And you stole the transforming water from the Chinese Springs!!!
Aeris: Get lost! I'm they writer here! I'll use whatever the hell I want! And YOU both can't stop me! Nyah! (Sticks tongue out at them.)
Rabid Peacock Sephiroth: CUUUU!!!!!!!
Kagome: No, maybe we can't...
Ranma: But they can! (Pointing at the elite team of animators and artists, and their evil lawyers. All lawyers are Satan's spawn. EVIL!)
Aeris: (splashes warm water on Sephiroth, resulting in him changing back.) Ha! You think you scare me?! Me, the chick that got stabbed in the back by Sephy here -
Sephiroth: Yo
Aeris: and was revived by the Ancients, a.k.a. Cetra, because I am so special. (I am hungry.) Your lawyers are sissies!
Lawyers: (who coincidently resemble Agent Smith, Agent Brown and Agent Jones from the first, and the best, matrix movie. The Matrix Has You. Yes, you. What do you mean 'what the f***?!', you're on it right now! Your computer, idiot, not your chair. Yessssss. Follow a white bunny or something. Like Alice. Why are you reading this?! Go outside and get some exercise, damn it! Why am I talking to you? I'm supposed to be writing. Okay, I'll write... The lawyers look like Agent Smith, k? Right. I think Agent smith's sexy. Yeah. It's the suits.) Grab the human/cetra, she knows far too much. (Whips out their Desert Eagles, sexy guns. Meow. Like pudding. WHY AM I STILL BREATHING?!?!?!??!?!?!)
Aeris: AHHHHH! (Runs away. The lawyers follow. Dante, Ashley, Elisha and Sephiroth are now alone in the room.)
Elisha: ...... Who's up for a little Strip Dance-Dance Revolution? (Evil smile.)
Ashley: Sephiroth is! Then he'll have to walk around butt naked and people will throw things at him and he'll get really cold and catch a cold and -
Sephiroth: I get the impression you don't like me.
Ashley: (plotting something evil towards Sephiroth.) Hehehehehehehe!
Hojo: (walks into the room with a bucket on his head while breathing heavily.)
All: (stares at Hojo.)
Sephiroth: Do you need an inhaler?
Hojo: No, Luke -
Sephiroth: It's Sephiroth.
Hojo: Right. No, Sephiroth... But I need to tell you something, Sephiroth...
Sephiroth: What? That you're a sick child-molesting bastard? I already knew that.
Michael Jackson: (squeaky voice) Did somebody mention me? I think that's racist. Lick the children.
Dante: IT'S SATAN!!!!! (pulls out his sword and attacks MJ, chasing him out of the room.)
Hojo: No. Sephiroth..... I am your father. Join me and the dark side. Together, we can rule the universe!
Sephiroth: (raises eyebrow.) Uh, hello? I'm already evil! I decided to evil a long time ago, so I wore all black and this trench coat-thingy. The chicks dig the trench coat-thingies. And I would rather kill you, old man.
Vincent: (walks in and screams at the top of his lungs.) DIE MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Raises his Death Penalty to Hojo's head and watches with twisted pleasure as the psychopath's brains spray across the once white wall, now drenched in Hojo's blood. Vincent then turns and sighs) Sigh. Lucrecia... Finally, I have avenged you. Now I may rest in peace.(jumps into the nearest hole... Silence follows and then,) Um, could I get a blanket please?
Elisha: (Tears away from Kuja and, being the fanatical Vince lover that she is, jumps at his command. She grabs a blanket, then follows him into the hole after him. She doesn't come back out.) Wow! Vinny, your hair IS soft!
Vincent: Yeah, babe. I got more where that came from, heheh.
Aeris: (dressed up as Lulu from Final Fantasy X: all gothicy and stuff.) I told you Vincent was a pervert!
Sephiroth: (takes one look at Aeris in the costume and drools.)
Elisha: (screams from the hole) He is NOT!
Kuja: (escapes from Ashley's hugging grip.) Where the hell did you come from?! I thought those guys were -
Ashley: (pokes the entranced Sephiroth with a stick) What are you doing? (She beats him with the stick when he doesn't reply.) SAY SOMETHING!!!!!!!
Aeris: (still gothicy and stuff.) When I was thirteen, I thought the world would end in fifty-one years. But it ends when I stab myself with a pen! Can someone send me the song "1000 words" from FFX-2, the English version? PLEASE!!!!!!!! I WON'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: (now kneeling before Aeris with her hand in his.) OH my dark goddess of evil! Take me as your love slave! Together we can take over the world and cause the damnation of all!
Aeris: (creeped out.) What the hell?!?! It's me, Aeris! I'm just wearing a black mage costume!
Sephiroth: ...... Oh. Well, uh, could you wear that all the time?
Aeris: All these belts are rather heavy. And it feels and looks like my breasts are ganna pop out!
Sephiroth: Yeah, that's the point - Er, uh, I mean, I think it looks rather nice.
Aeris: (rolls eyes) whatever. Anyways. Hello, Ashley, how're ya doin'?
Ashley: (cuddles with a passed out Kuja) Good!
Aeris: Cool. (Looks around a bit.) Where are all the guys? (Sees a bunch of bats flying her way.
Kain: (appears after the bats form together.) I love that trick. (Sees Aeris in the Lulu costume) Sweet unholy mamma! You look hot!!!!!!!!
Aeris: Um. Thank you?
Ashley: What about the others, Link, Legolas, and Dante.
Dante: (Pops up. He's covered in blood and guts.) Yo! (Sees Aeris) Damn, she's hot! Who's the chick? Is she one of those strippers from those sadistic nightclubs?
Aeris: (Gets really mad and throws a Lightning-3 at him.) IT'S ME! AERIS!
Dante: (charred and partially on fire) ow.
Aeris: Oh! Time for the thanks! Ashley, since Elisha is busy with Vinny in that random near by hole over there in the corner, could you hand me the list of names?
Ashley: Sure! (hands her the list.)
Aeris: Thank you. (Clears throat and sucks in an enormous amount of air.) I'd like to thank the following for reviewing for this fanfic: Kitsunedemon. Dumber than a Moogle ass, I love your pen name. Rosiana, in other words Ashley over here, strike a pose!
Ashley: (Strikes an awkward pose while still managing to look cute) Hi!
Aeris: Cloud-Bahamut, Thanks for all your reviews! Yuffie Kisaragi 2. Artemis Mog. Guardian of the Twilight. Demoness Tsukara, please update the fic with Sessy-samma! I LOVED it! SirLief, is Tifa pregnant with Vincent's child when you had them mate in the coffin? Slaughtermaw, I've updated so that you wouldn't kill me. Rayne B. Black Dragon. Ruby Weapon. Shaman Outcast. Ashnat Productions, let me know when you submit your fic, it sounds interesting. Sphinx-Keeper. Dark Shadow. Dante.
Dante: Yo!
Aeris: The reviewer, not you.
Dante: Oh. Sniffles.
Aeris: Deeds. TiamatTheUnholy, please tell me what you use for your comics! I want to make comics like yours! Gothic Yokai, you have cute fics. DD. Akira Kijo, could I borrow Vampire Hunter D sometime? I'm craving for that movie! See you at school. (Gasps for air.) The Reaper. Dia 3. DarkNightDestiny. Bahamutslave. DBZsista. Chaotic pink Chocobo, I also love your pen name. Jamie. Punk Rock Bitch, another cool pen name. Kay De Crystalline. MarkmanofWexford, thanks for your reviews and support. A lot of you have some awesome fics! I'll try and read all of those that I haven't been able to get to. And finally, Dark-Sephy.... But I think he hates me. (Runs off and cries)
Ashley: (follows and comforts Aeris) Look what you did, Dark-Sephy!
Aeris: (stops crying) Nah! I'm just kidding, we're cool.
Ashley: Really?
Aeris: Yup. Yo! ELISHA!!!!!!!!! Dark-Sephy wants you to continue Raising Tidus, as do I. YOU BETTER DO IT!
Elisha: (comes out of the hole with Vincent. His hair has been braid and make up all over his face.) I dunno, I might get to it. Isn't Vinny pretty?!
Vincent: .............. Why.
Kuja: IS THAT MY EYE-LINER?!?!?!?!
Sephiroth: (is taking pictures of Vincent.) Hahahahah!
Cloud: (walks in) 'Sup. Whoa! Vincent! Nice make up!
Aeris: (does the FF X-2 sphere-grid thingy and turns back to her regular pink dress.) Cloud!
Cloud: Aeris! (he runs to great her.) Oh, Aeris! I love you!
Sephiroth: (throws a motorcycle at Cloud, and it would of hit him had Cloud not leapt out of the way.) GET YOUR HANDS OFF AERIS!!!!!!! (Walks over between Aeris and Cloud.)
Aeris: Sephy? (Confused at his actions)
Ashley and Elisha: Ooooooooooooh! Cloud and Sephiroth are ganna fight! GO CLOUD!
Cloud: (shows off a white smile, making all the fan girls in the audience scream with glee. He then turns back towards Sephiroth and glares.) I don't see your name on her pal!
Markman: (walks in) Nor do I! Sephiroth, I challenge you to a fight over a date with Aeris! Cloud, you have Tifa! So don't get between us while we fight, or else!
Cloud: (now wearing a dress) I love them both! Except Tifa's pregnant with some guy's baby and I don't think she likes me anymore. Sniffles.
Sephiroth: Cloud, I'll let you know when anyone cares. In the meantime, go to hell, you cross dressing... er, Fag! You too, Markman!
Kain: (using his dark gift, charm, from behind a conveniently located tree) Come my little beautiful birdie, come with me. (Unfortunately, it wasn't working.)
Aeris: (throws a Fire-3 at Kain, gets really mad and pulls out her staff.) Quit fighting!!!! Argh! I'm getting nowhere with this!
Markman: (pulls out a sword and points it at Sephiroth) FIGHT ME SEPHIROTH!!!!
Cloud: (pulls out his hair gel, wait, no. His Ultima sword.) I LOVE AERIS TOO!!!! Do these high heels make me look fat?
Sephiroth: (pulls out his Masamune.) BRING IT ON!!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!!
Aeris: (beats them all over the head.) You! Markman! No fighting inside!
Vincent: I shot Hojo's brains across the walls and you didn't care.
Aeris: Sephiroth! You know better! And, you! Cloud! I only like you as a friend! I did think you were hot until you were about to kiss Don Corneo (kudos for those of you who know what I'm talking about.) I thought you were gay!
Dark-Sephiroth: (jumps into the room.) HA! Markman! I have found you! Prepare yourself! (Attacks Markman. They fight and wrestle and beat the crap out of each other for the next hour and a half.)
Cloud: Damn you, Sephiroth! You have her under your control! I will release her from it! (Attacks Sephiroth and they too fight, wrestle and beat the crap out of each other for the next hour and a half.)
Aeris: Phht! Men... Can't live with 'em and you can't mentally control them to do your bidding. (Goes and drinks tea with Elisha, Ashley and Cid, who cusses at them to drink it. Dante pokes at Kain's burning body with a stick. Vincent and Kuja are playing with each other's hair. Legolas and Link walk in, sees all this and walk back out, chatting to one-another in elvish about cows and strapping chickens to their bodices. Finally, an hour and a half later, the fighting died down.
Sephiroth: (gets up and spits on the now bleeding and unconscious, nearly dead Cloud.) HA! I won!
Dark-Sephiroth: (gets up as well and kicked the fallen Markman.) No more stealing my stuff!
Aeris: That was rather harsh, don't you think? I swear! All men can think about is violence! (Turns to Ashley) Hey, wanna go pummel Hojo's dead and headless body with this vacuum cleaner I found?
Ashley: Sure! Wheeee! Pummeling! Pummeling! Yeahhhh! (They go off and beat Hojo's body until it could no longer hold in it's internal organs and liquids and blood and so on. Aeris finishes early and goes to hug Dark- Sephy.)
Markman: (wheezing and badly injured, gets up to run) Mark my words! I will be back for a date with Aeris! You will pay dearly!
Dark-Sephiroth: (is being squeezed by Aeris) Whatever. (a flock of pigeons come and peck at Cloud's unconscious body.)
Sephiroth: ....!!!! (Realizes that Aeris was now his. He runs over and picks her up and is about to carry her off when,)
Ashley: Oh! I get to beat on Sephiroth! WHEEEE! (Begins beating Sephiroth with the vacuum. His hair gets sucked up the vacuum and he begin to scream.)
Sephiroth: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! GET IT OFFFFF!!!!! GET IT OFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ashley: Uh, oh. Better get it off him! (Pulls out scissors and cuts.)
Sephiroth: (is freed but no longer has long hair.) ........ (Reaches up very slowly and feels his hair. Everyone in the room stares at his new look. He turns deathly pale and runs to a mirror in the bathroom. A few seconds later, intense screaming could be heard within a five-mile radius. He runs out of the bathroom still shrieking and holding the short tufts of what's left of his hair.)
Aeris: (watches the screaming Sephiroth run insanely about in every direction.) Oh, no. He's ganna go insane. (turns to audience.) Please! You must submit thirteen more reviews and somebody could email me that X-2 English '1000 words' song to: thehotmageaeris@hotmail.com
Aeris: You must! Or else, Sephiroth will go insane, well, more insane and kill himself. Hmmm... If you look at him with short hair, he looks like a grown Riku from Kingdom Hearts.
Riku: (walks in and sees Sephiroth.) Dear god! I'm ganna be insane when I get older!!!! Damn you Sora!!!!!! I am so not being his friend anymore! (Runs back out.)
Aeris: Geez! You are so evil, Ashley.
Ashley: Thank you.
Aeris: Hey, lets go cause chaos throughout the many worlds of Final Fantasy. Coming Elisha?
Elisha: Only if Kuja is!
Ashley: Come, Kuja! Listen to your master!
Kuja: Where the hell's my freedom?!
Ashley: COME!
Kuja: okay. (Follows obediently.)
Vincent: Wait for me! (Follows as well.)
Sephiroth: (still running directionless like a mad man.) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MYYYYYYY HHAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! MY PRECIOUS HAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kain: (who just came to, yet still out of it.) What pretty moogles! They're dancing! (he begins poking the air.) AHHHHH!!!!! Pink Christina Aguelara monsters!!!!!
Dante: Dude! (slaps Kain totally awake.) Check it out! Sephiroth's gone insane, man! His hair got cut and he snapped!
Kain: (they both watch him run around shrieking over and over) .... Ten bucks says he passes out within half an hour.
Dante: You're on! (And so they watch him run and scream, Dante eating popcorn and Kain eating the remains of Hojo and Michael Jackson. Kain later got bad food poisoning from both.)
(End?)
Author: OOHHHHHHHH! So exciting! We're on the thirteenth chapter? Well, TOO BAD! I'm not continuing it!
All: WHAT?!?!?!
Author: No, I'm just kidding ya! Hahaha! But this chapter is not going to be on the story, this chapter's ganna be completely random crap. A story within a story! Like Hash dot Sign or whatever. Just not extremely confusing and repetitive in gameplay.
All: Yeeahhhh - !!!!! Noooooo!!!
Author: Too F***in' bad! All in all, it's just ganna be like an overly long author note, with thanks to my reviewers and special guests and crap like that. So I'm ganna start this off... For those people that are either Chinese or really retarded and tuned in now instead of reading it from the beginning, I'm Aeris/author, (I'm cutting the 'author' part off to save space.) This is my fic. Duh.
Sephiroth: (stares at a picture behind Aeris) Hmm... So, you want to make fun of me, eh? LET ME CALL MY AGENT, MR. STABITY KNIFE!!!!!!!! (Sephiroth takes out his Masamune and stabs the picture of Hojo.)
Aeris: (jumps around, screaming from being startled.) AAAAAHHHHH! Where the hell did you come from?!?!
Sephiroth: Blame my parents, Aeris (Sephiroth skips over to her smiling evilly)
Aeris: (examines her nails in a bored manner after calming down.) Are you going to kill me again, Sephy?
Sephiroth: Feh! Been there, done that... Do you have any tea, Aeris? (Pulls her in romantically.)
Aeris: (tries to struggle out of his grasp but to no avail.) No, I haven't any tea! What is with Final Fantasy characters and their tea!?!? Let go, you brute, let go I say! (Elisha, Dante, Kuja, Ashley and Yuffie walk into the room and suddenly everyone's materia is gone. All look at Yuffie.)
Yuffie: (looks innocently at everyone.) WHAT?!?!?
Reno: (A.K.A. Patrick, runs in and throws Yuffie over his shoulder with an evil grin on his face and runs off with her.)
Dante: What.... The.... Hell? Hey! I'm in hell! Sweeeeeeet.
Kuja: Um, people out in the audience, this is Ashley (points at Ashley who smiles and waves insanely from behind him), she's one of the reappearing guest like Elisha (points at Elisha who smiles evilly at Kuja himself, and plotting her next pie raid at the nearest bakery.). So, um, yeah. (Gets toppled by both Elisha and Ashley and nearly squeezed to death from the immense hugging.)
Elisha and Ashley: (hugs Kuja repetitively.) HUGGLES!!!!!!!
Kuja: (gasping for air.) Can't... breath....!!!! Smearing... make-up!!!! NOOOOOO!
Aeris: (is still being violated by Sephiroth for no reason at all, screaming at him.) Get your hands off me!!! When I'm free, I will so summon the legion of Keabler elves of the apocalypse to kick your ass! Hey! NO! Get off! Listen you!!!!! Oh! Hey, that feels kinda.... nice. Ooooh. Lowerrrrrr.... Mmmmmmm... Oh, yeah, Sephy.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY! Wait! Don't you dare put your hand there!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!! NO MAN IS TO TOUCH ME THERE!!!!!!!!
Elisha: (folds her arms) So you're not enjoying this at all, Aeris? You're the one writing this crap!
Aeris: (gave up squirming and looks at Elisha then at Sephiroth, then back again. Evil smile.) SIT BOY!!!
Sephiroth: (falls to the floor automatically. Aeris then pours cold water over him and he turns into a rabid peacock.) Cuuuuu?! (Kagome and Girl Ranma run in)
Kagome: Hey! That's my line!!!
Girl Ranma: (splashes self with warm water and becomes a boy) Yeah! And you stole the transforming water from the Chinese Springs!!!
Aeris: Get lost! I'm they writer here! I'll use whatever the hell I want! And YOU both can't stop me! Nyah! (Sticks tongue out at them.)
Rabid Peacock Sephiroth: CUUUU!!!!!!!
Kagome: No, maybe we can't...
Ranma: But they can! (Pointing at the elite team of animators and artists, and their evil lawyers. All lawyers are Satan's spawn. EVIL!)
Aeris: (splashes warm water on Sephiroth, resulting in him changing back.) Ha! You think you scare me?! Me, the chick that got stabbed in the back by Sephy here -
Sephiroth: Yo
Aeris: and was revived by the Ancients, a.k.a. Cetra, because I am so special. (I am hungry.) Your lawyers are sissies!
Lawyers: (who coincidently resemble Agent Smith, Agent Brown and Agent Jones from the first, and the best, matrix movie. The Matrix Has You. Yes, you. What do you mean 'what the f***?!', you're on it right now! Your computer, idiot, not your chair. Yessssss. Follow a white bunny or something. Like Alice. Why are you reading this?! Go outside and get some exercise, damn it! Why am I talking to you? I'm supposed to be writing. Okay, I'll write... The lawyers look like Agent Smith, k? Right. I think Agent smith's sexy. Yeah. It's the suits.) Grab the human/cetra, she knows far too much. (Whips out their Desert Eagles, sexy guns. Meow. Like pudding. WHY AM I STILL BREATHING?!?!?!??!?!?!)
Aeris: AHHHHH! (Runs away. The lawyers follow. Dante, Ashley, Elisha and Sephiroth are now alone in the room.)
Elisha: ...... Who's up for a little Strip Dance-Dance Revolution? (Evil smile.)
Ashley: Sephiroth is! Then he'll have to walk around butt naked and people will throw things at him and he'll get really cold and catch a cold and -
Sephiroth: I get the impression you don't like me.
Ashley: (plotting something evil towards Sephiroth.) Hehehehehehehe!
Hojo: (walks into the room with a bucket on his head while breathing heavily.)
All: (stares at Hojo.)
Sephiroth: Do you need an inhaler?
Hojo: No, Luke -
Sephiroth: It's Sephiroth.
Hojo: Right. No, Sephiroth... But I need to tell you something, Sephiroth...
Sephiroth: What? That you're a sick child-molesting bastard? I already knew that.
Michael Jackson: (squeaky voice) Did somebody mention me? I think that's racist. Lick the children.
Dante: IT'S SATAN!!!!! (pulls out his sword and attacks MJ, chasing him out of the room.)
Hojo: No. Sephiroth..... I am your father. Join me and the dark side. Together, we can rule the universe!
Sephiroth: (raises eyebrow.) Uh, hello? I'm already evil! I decided to evil a long time ago, so I wore all black and this trench coat-thingy. The chicks dig the trench coat-thingies. And I would rather kill you, old man.
Vincent: (walks in and screams at the top of his lungs.) DIE MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Raises his Death Penalty to Hojo's head and watches with twisted pleasure as the psychopath's brains spray across the once white wall, now drenched in Hojo's blood. Vincent then turns and sighs) Sigh. Lucrecia... Finally, I have avenged you. Now I may rest in peace.(jumps into the nearest hole... Silence follows and then,) Um, could I get a blanket please?
Elisha: (Tears away from Kuja and, being the fanatical Vince lover that she is, jumps at his command. She grabs a blanket, then follows him into the hole after him. She doesn't come back out.) Wow! Vinny, your hair IS soft!
Vincent: Yeah, babe. I got more where that came from, heheh.
Aeris: (dressed up as Lulu from Final Fantasy X: all gothicy and stuff.) I told you Vincent was a pervert!
Sephiroth: (takes one look at Aeris in the costume and drools.)
Elisha: (screams from the hole) He is NOT!
Kuja: (escapes from Ashley's hugging grip.) Where the hell did you come from?! I thought those guys were -
Ashley: (pokes the entranced Sephiroth with a stick) What are you doing? (She beats him with the stick when he doesn't reply.) SAY SOMETHING!!!!!!!
Aeris: (still gothicy and stuff.) When I was thirteen, I thought the world would end in fifty-one years. But it ends when I stab myself with a pen! Can someone send me the song "1000 words" from FFX-2, the English version? PLEASE!!!!!!!! I WON'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: (now kneeling before Aeris with her hand in his.) OH my dark goddess of evil! Take me as your love slave! Together we can take over the world and cause the damnation of all!
Aeris: (creeped out.) What the hell?!?! It's me, Aeris! I'm just wearing a black mage costume!
Sephiroth: ...... Oh. Well, uh, could you wear that all the time?
Aeris: All these belts are rather heavy. And it feels and looks like my breasts are ganna pop out!
Sephiroth: Yeah, that's the point - Er, uh, I mean, I think it looks rather nice.
Aeris: (rolls eyes) whatever. Anyways. Hello, Ashley, how're ya doin'?
Ashley: (cuddles with a passed out Kuja) Good!
Aeris: Cool. (Looks around a bit.) Where are all the guys? (Sees a bunch of bats flying her way.
Kain: (appears after the bats form together.) I love that trick. (Sees Aeris in the Lulu costume) Sweet unholy mamma! You look hot!!!!!!!!
Aeris: Um. Thank you?
Ashley: What about the others, Link, Legolas, and Dante.
Dante: (Pops up. He's covered in blood and guts.) Yo! (Sees Aeris) Damn, she's hot! Who's the chick? Is she one of those strippers from those sadistic nightclubs?
Aeris: (Gets really mad and throws a Lightning-3 at him.) IT'S ME! AERIS!
Dante: (charred and partially on fire) ow.
Aeris: Oh! Time for the thanks! Ashley, since Elisha is busy with Vinny in that random near by hole over there in the corner, could you hand me the list of names?
Ashley: Sure! (hands her the list.)
Aeris: Thank you. (Clears throat and sucks in an enormous amount of air.) I'd like to thank the following for reviewing for this fanfic: Kitsunedemon. Dumber than a Moogle ass, I love your pen name. Rosiana, in other words Ashley over here, strike a pose!
Ashley: (Strikes an awkward pose while still managing to look cute) Hi!
Aeris: Cloud-Bahamut, Thanks for all your reviews! Yuffie Kisaragi 2. Artemis Mog. Guardian of the Twilight. Demoness Tsukara, please update the fic with Sessy-samma! I LOVED it! SirLief, is Tifa pregnant with Vincent's child when you had them mate in the coffin? Slaughtermaw, I've updated so that you wouldn't kill me. Rayne B. Black Dragon. Ruby Weapon. Shaman Outcast. Ashnat Productions, let me know when you submit your fic, it sounds interesting. Sphinx-Keeper. Dark Shadow. Dante.
Dante: Yo!
Aeris: The reviewer, not you.
Dante: Oh. Sniffles.
Aeris: Deeds. TiamatTheUnholy, please tell me what you use for your comics! I want to make comics like yours! Gothic Yokai, you have cute fics. DD. Akira Kijo, could I borrow Vampire Hunter D sometime? I'm craving for that movie! See you at school. (Gasps for air.) The Reaper. Dia 3. DarkNightDestiny. Bahamutslave. DBZsista. Chaotic pink Chocobo, I also love your pen name. Jamie. Punk Rock Bitch, another cool pen name. Kay De Crystalline. MarkmanofWexford, thanks for your reviews and support. A lot of you have some awesome fics! I'll try and read all of those that I haven't been able to get to. And finally, Dark-Sephy.... But I think he hates me. (Runs off and cries)
Ashley: (follows and comforts Aeris) Look what you did, Dark-Sephy!
Aeris: (stops crying) Nah! I'm just kidding, we're cool.
Ashley: Really?
Aeris: Yup. Yo! ELISHA!!!!!!!!! Dark-Sephy wants you to continue Raising Tidus, as do I. YOU BETTER DO IT!
Elisha: (comes out of the hole with Vincent. His hair has been braid and make up all over his face.) I dunno, I might get to it. Isn't Vinny pretty?!
Vincent: .............. Why.
Kuja: IS THAT MY EYE-LINER?!?!?!?!
Sephiroth: (is taking pictures of Vincent.) Hahahahah!
Cloud: (walks in) 'Sup. Whoa! Vincent! Nice make up!
Aeris: (does the FF X-2 sphere-grid thingy and turns back to her regular pink dress.) Cloud!
Cloud: Aeris! (he runs to great her.) Oh, Aeris! I love you!
Sephiroth: (throws a motorcycle at Cloud, and it would of hit him had Cloud not leapt out of the way.) GET YOUR HANDS OFF AERIS!!!!!!! (Walks over between Aeris and Cloud.)
Aeris: Sephy? (Confused at his actions)
Ashley and Elisha: Ooooooooooooh! Cloud and Sephiroth are ganna fight! GO CLOUD!
Cloud: (shows off a white smile, making all the fan girls in the audience scream with glee. He then turns back towards Sephiroth and glares.) I don't see your name on her pal!
Markman: (walks in) Nor do I! Sephiroth, I challenge you to a fight over a date with Aeris! Cloud, you have Tifa! So don't get between us while we fight, or else!
Cloud: (now wearing a dress) I love them both! Except Tifa's pregnant with some guy's baby and I don't think she likes me anymore. Sniffles.
Sephiroth: Cloud, I'll let you know when anyone cares. In the meantime, go to hell, you cross dressing... er, Fag! You too, Markman!
Kain: (using his dark gift, charm, from behind a conveniently located tree) Come my little beautiful birdie, come with me. (Unfortunately, it wasn't working.)
Aeris: (throws a Fire-3 at Kain, gets really mad and pulls out her staff.) Quit fighting!!!! Argh! I'm getting nowhere with this!
Markman: (pulls out a sword and points it at Sephiroth) FIGHT ME SEPHIROTH!!!!
Cloud: (pulls out his hair gel, wait, no. His Ultima sword.) I LOVE AERIS TOO!!!! Do these high heels make me look fat?
Sephiroth: (pulls out his Masamune.) BRING IT ON!!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!!
Aeris: (beats them all over the head.) You! Markman! No fighting inside!
Vincent: I shot Hojo's brains across the walls and you didn't care.
Aeris: Sephiroth! You know better! And, you! Cloud! I only like you as a friend! I did think you were hot until you were about to kiss Don Corneo (kudos for those of you who know what I'm talking about.) I thought you were gay!
Dark-Sephiroth: (jumps into the room.) HA! Markman! I have found you! Prepare yourself! (Attacks Markman. They fight and wrestle and beat the crap out of each other for the next hour and a half.)
Cloud: Damn you, Sephiroth! You have her under your control! I will release her from it! (Attacks Sephiroth and they too fight, wrestle and beat the crap out of each other for the next hour and a half.)
Aeris: Phht! Men... Can't live with 'em and you can't mentally control them to do your bidding. (Goes and drinks tea with Elisha, Ashley and Cid, who cusses at them to drink it. Dante pokes at Kain's burning body with a stick. Vincent and Kuja are playing with each other's hair. Legolas and Link walk in, sees all this and walk back out, chatting to one-another in elvish about cows and strapping chickens to their bodices. Finally, an hour and a half later, the fighting died down.
Sephiroth: (gets up and spits on the now bleeding and unconscious, nearly dead Cloud.) HA! I won!
Dark-Sephiroth: (gets up as well and kicked the fallen Markman.) No more stealing my stuff!
Aeris: That was rather harsh, don't you think? I swear! All men can think about is violence! (Turns to Ashley) Hey, wanna go pummel Hojo's dead and headless body with this vacuum cleaner I found?
Ashley: Sure! Wheeee! Pummeling! Pummeling! Yeahhhh! (They go off and beat Hojo's body until it could no longer hold in it's internal organs and liquids and blood and so on. Aeris finishes early and goes to hug Dark- Sephy.)
Markman: (wheezing and badly injured, gets up to run) Mark my words! I will be back for a date with Aeris! You will pay dearly!
Dark-Sephiroth: (is being squeezed by Aeris) Whatever. (a flock of pigeons come and peck at Cloud's unconscious body.)
Sephiroth: ....!!!! (Realizes that Aeris was now his. He runs over and picks her up and is about to carry her off when,)
Ashley: Oh! I get to beat on Sephiroth! WHEEEE! (Begins beating Sephiroth with the vacuum. His hair gets sucked up the vacuum and he begin to scream.)
Sephiroth: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! GET IT OFFFFF!!!!! GET IT OFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ashley: Uh, oh. Better get it off him! (Pulls out scissors and cuts.)
Sephiroth: (is freed but no longer has long hair.) ........ (Reaches up very slowly and feels his hair. Everyone in the room stares at his new look. He turns deathly pale and runs to a mirror in the bathroom. A few seconds later, intense screaming could be heard within a five-mile radius. He runs out of the bathroom still shrieking and holding the short tufts of what's left of his hair.)
Aeris: (watches the screaming Sephiroth run insanely about in every direction.) Oh, no. He's ganna go insane. (turns to audience.) Please! You must submit thirteen more reviews and somebody could email me that X-2 English '1000 words' song to: thehotmageaeris@hotmail.com
Aeris: You must! Or else, Sephiroth will go insane, well, more insane and kill himself. Hmmm... If you look at him with short hair, he looks like a grown Riku from Kingdom Hearts.
Riku: (walks in and sees Sephiroth.) Dear god! I'm ganna be insane when I get older!!!! Damn you Sora!!!!!! I am so not being his friend anymore! (Runs back out.)
Aeris: Geez! You are so evil, Ashley.
Ashley: Thank you.
Aeris: Hey, lets go cause chaos throughout the many worlds of Final Fantasy. Coming Elisha?
Elisha: Only if Kuja is!
Ashley: Come, Kuja! Listen to your master!
Kuja: Where the hell's my freedom?!
Ashley: COME!
Kuja: okay. (Follows obediently.)
Vincent: Wait for me! (Follows as well.)
Sephiroth: (still running directionless like a mad man.) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MYYYYYYY HHAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! MY PRECIOUS HAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kain: (who just came to, yet still out of it.) What pretty moogles! They're dancing! (he begins poking the air.) AHHHHH!!!!! Pink Christina Aguelara monsters!!!!!
Dante: Dude! (slaps Kain totally awake.) Check it out! Sephiroth's gone insane, man! His hair got cut and he snapped!
Kain: (they both watch him run around shrieking over and over) .... Ten bucks says he passes out within half an hour.
Dante: You're on! (And so they watch him run and scream, Dante eating popcorn and Kain eating the remains of Hojo and Michael Jackson. Kain later got bad food poisoning from both.)
(End?)