Chapter XVI......... Roman numerals, spiffy.
Aeris: (is inside of cage) ............ Grrr.........
Sephiroth: What are you doing in a cage?
Link: she sure looks like she belongs in it the way she is growling.
Kain: Kinky, Oh! Look at that big ass squirrel! (stares at the squirrel before it runs into a tree and dies)
Red mage: (in a dress, causing everyone to stare) .........What?!
Aeris: Riiiiiiiiiight. I DON'T WANT TO CONTINUE THIS STORY!!!!!!
Kuja: gasp, don't say such things!
Ashley: (walks in) What?! No! You must! (Turns to Kuja) and why aren't you a coconut?!
All: YOU MUST!!!!!!!!
Aeris: you can all go to the lowest regions of hell and BURN!
Sephiroth: Don't worry, she's just PMSing
All: again?! O.o TAKE COVER!!!!!!!
Aeris: Grrrrr, meow
Sephiroth: I like you in there, Bwahahahah!
Aeris: I hate you.
Sephiroth: no, you love me, you know you do. Mmmmm, doughnuts! (Eats krispy kremes)
Vincent: Love is—
Kain and Dante: (hit him w/ a iron spatula) SHUDDUP!!!
Link: Woot.
Ashley: Woot?
Sephiroth: (teases Aeris w/ a doughnut while she is still in the cage) heheheh
Aeris: (snaps at his hand) where the hell is a flying cow when you need one to fall on you?!
Dante: on my barbeque! (Sauces another steak over the barbeque)
Aeris: why me?
Sephiroth: Why not? Start the chappy!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter XVI of the Mongeese!
Well, we left off with Aeris and the gang flying randomly around like a Finwickian field mouse, er, waitaminute......... Whatever. Anyways, they're flying around, yes, yea, flying. Wheeeeeeeeeee! Yeah, like that. Anywho, they all fly back to Midgar in the Highwind, parking it outside the once prosperous city, now lying in partial ruins. Everyone gets off and drags their luggage back to Aeris' place......... Aw, crap, my mom's calling me to dinner. Hold on.
(Elevator music plays)....................... An hour later.........
"Guess what? My prune slave is branching out into gift wrapping." Legolas said aloud as they entered Aeris' house. Aeris turned to Link with suspicion.
"What the hell is a prune slave and why does Legolas have one?" Aeris demanded, only getting a shrug in return.
They all put their things that they brought with them back away where they first got them, wow. Soon, they were back to sitting around the house, bored beyond all reason. Aeris was in the kitchen baking a cherry pie, (the very pie I once loved dearly, yet am now allergic to. OH NO! You all know my weakness now!!! Eek!) Vincent was upstairs with Sephiroth, helping him fix Aeris' bedroom door that Sephiroth had busted down in a failed attempt to save her from Dante, who was playing hide and go kill each other with Kain outside. Link and Legolas were playing Magic the Gathering at the kitchen table while Kuja watched and played with scissors and paper. Cid drank tea at the counter, calmer than usual. When he drinks tea, he gets this weird English accent. O.o
"Yay! I finished!" Kuja giggled, waving around a piece of paper shaped like a human.
"Finished what?" Link asked in wonder as he looked at the paper.
"It's a paper doll! I shall call it my paper love doll! You can hug 'em and hold 'em......... Do any of you want one? I can make many!" Kuja squealed and hugged it.
"Er......... I don't think I'd want a paper love doll........." Aeris said. Cid nodded and put down his tea.
"Yea, nasty place to get a papercut." Cid said in agreement. Everyone stared at him. "What?!"
Meanwhile......... it roxers the boxers
"So......... Son. You really like Aeris, don't you, son?" Vincent asked, right as Sephiroth was nailing the last nail into place to secure the door. The question shocked Sephiroth, making him slip and slam the hammer into his thumb. It took him several minutes to realize that his thumb was now bleeding severely. Sephiroth only looked down at his thumb and looked over to Vincent in a calm manner.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG SSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT TTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Could be heard all throughout the sector, setting off car alarms, making dogs howl, and causing everyone to freeze and look about for the direction the scream emanated from.
"What the hell?!" Aeris shrieked, heading up the stairs.
"THAT HURT!" Sephiroth yelled out, grasping his thumb that now bled all over his front.
"Oh my gosh, Sephiroth! Wait here! And don't drip it everywhere!" Aeris said as she ran past him into her room, coming out again with a first aid kit in her hands.
"I SMELL BLOOD!" Kain shouted outside but could be heard running into the house towards the stairs.
"Um, Vincent? Could you go hold him off for me while I fix his thumb?" Aeris asked with a smile. Vincent turned and went down the stairs and several shots could be heard. Aeris paused from her healing and went to the top of the stairs to shout at him. "I SAID HOLD HIM OFF, NOT SHOOT HIM!!!!!!"
"He's still alive, or undead......... whichever." Someone replied, most likely Dante's as she heard the sound of a body being dragged outside again.
"Oh, okay then." Aeris went back to Sephiroth's thumb. She cleaned it and dried it. "Hold still, I'll cast a cure spell on it." In which she did and it healed back to normal. Sephiroth stared at her the whole time. She gave him a cute smile. "There! All better."
"I still hurt though." Sephiroth whined.
"Well it shouldn't" Aeris told him.
"No, it's not my thumb that hurts, it's my ass now."
"Why the heck would your ass hurt when you hit your thumb?" She questioned.
"I don't know, I think I may have dislocated it when I was screaming. Could you check it for me?" Sephiroth grinned, turning around and sticking out his nice leather cladded butt. Aeris rolled her eyes and kicked it, causing him to fall over.
"You can't dislocate your ass, you ass." She told him as she headed back downstairs to finish her pie. She yelled back up the stairs. "Now could you please get my door back up?"
"Oh, well, it was worth a try........." Sephiroth muttered. He could hear Aeris complain to Vincent about shooting Kain as he finished his work.
Meanwhile again............
"There's a big difference between bombs and bunnies, my friend." Link told Legolas as he looked at the card he played.
"Not unless they are Monty Python killer bunnies. Then they are just as bad assed as any bomb." Legolas replied.
"But you can blow up a killer bunny with a bomb." Link said.
"Well......... Not if they are infinite bunnies!!!" Legolas shouted and threw down another card. "HA!"
"The pie's almost done." Aeris said to no one in particular while peering into the oven. Cid finished his tea and put the teacup down gently. He briskly got up from the counter and began tossing swear words hither and tither like he normally does. A shot up Kain and Dante walked into the kitchen from outside discussing what hell was like and how Martha Stewart was the interior decorator for it.
"She's also an assassin." Dante said when he got to the counter. He noticed the pie when Aeris brought it out and began to drool. "Mmmmm, pie!"
"IT'S FOR DESSERT!" Aeris yelled, smacking away his hand with a metal pie server. He yelped and backed away as expected.
"FUGGIN' A! This place is a (*^$ing boring hell hole!" Cid cried out.
"No, actually, Martha Stuart's work is a lot different." Dante pointed out.
"I need to (^&$ing go somewhere where I can (^$#ing smoke! And where there's stripers and shit! ^$)* this place!" Cid finished, grabbing his wallet. "I'm off to the (*%$ing Wall market!"
"Oh, I forgot they fixed up that place, or at least tried." Aeris remarked absentmindedly.
"Vamp boy! Where the *$@# are ya?!?!" Cid called around, no reply. Vincent had vanished earlier, back upstairs to attempt a conversation with Sephiroth.
Up stairs with Vincent and Sephiroth several minutes earlier.........
Sephiroth was mounting the door onto the hinges and squaring it into place when he felt an ominous dark force from behind. Quietly, he put the door in place while muttering. "My Sephy senses are tingling........."
He flipped around, facing Vincent and did some kung fu poses, accidentally hitting the door, which fell over onto his body, trapping him underneath. Vincent just stared at his actions with no hint of emotion on his face besides a solemn one. He crouched down next to him. He had somewhat of a curious look in his eyes, which made Sephiroth a bit nervous and suspicious.
"So how much do you like her, son?" Vincent asked, his face not changing.
"What's it to you?!" Sephiroth grumbled from under the door. He finally shoved it off and stood up to look at Vincent as he stood as well.
"I'm just trying help, son." Vincent replied in a monotone way.
"Um, could you not call me son after everything you say?" Sephiroth groaned as he replaced the door back on the hinges. It finally stayed up, opening and closing like normal.
"No, son." Vincent replied coldly. Sephiroth heaved a sigh of annoyance, turning back to face his newly found 'father' only to see that he was holding up a blue suite much like the Turks wore. "I want you to have this. It'll really knock out Aeris; chicks always dig the suites. That's how I met your mom."
"Um, Vincent?! Why?! Would you mind not butting into my love life." Sephiroth said, very creeped out when he thought of what Vincent and his mom did while he wore the suite. Vincent smacked him over the head with his claw and threw the clothes at him.
"It's father to you, son! You don't even have a love life. Now try it on." Vincent commanded. Sephiroth turned around after grumbling a bit under his breath and went into Aeris' room to change. He emerged fully cladded in the Turks suite. Vincent fixed his tie and patted him on the back with a smile, wiping away a tear with his claw. "I'm so proud of you, my son. Now, a lesson in getting the girls attention! You have to throw hints for a while, and if that doesn't work you wrap the hint around a brick before throwing. But make sure you don't hit anything vital, and not below the waist. She needs to bear your children, so don't damage the ovaries. Understand, son?"
"................." Sephiroth was now beyond disturbed and stared at the older man. O.o
"Good! Now get her something. I noticed that you got her flowers the other day before Kain popped up. Did you give em to her?" Vincent asked. Sephiroth shook his head no. Vincent sighed and continued. "Well, that's to be expected. Get the flowers........."
Sephiroth went back in Aeris' room and came back out with a partially withered bouquet. "Here."
"Don't give them to me, give them to Aeris. You also have to be silver tongued when it comes to ladies. Be suave, no, not the shampoo, I'm talking slick. You gotta steal the lady's heart and make her melt." Vincent told him. "Make it seem like you are interested but not too interested so that you'll get her wrapped around your finger like a boa constrictor. Well, you don't want her that tight; you might lose an arm that way. Be sweet as honey to her too."
"How do I do all that?" Sephiroth asked, now actually curious to hear what he had to say.
"Well, here's what you have to do..............." Vincent then began to whisper to him. Sephiroth nodded, smiling as he listened. Vincent finished up and gave him a slap on the back before he could hear Cid's raspy voice calling for him.
Back downstairs, where the ninja strippers are............ O.o
Cid called once more upstairs before Vincent paced down them. Cid then grabbed him by the cape and ordered the other guys out the door. He told them he was going to show them a good time at the Honey Bee Inn. Aeris just stood, staring at the door after it slammed shut again. She sighed and shook her head at them, getting back to her pie.
"Well, it's just me and Sephiroth in the house alone again. It would be unlucky of me if he were to attempt something that would later scar me for life, most likely involving nudity and chocolate sauce." Aeris said aloud as Sephiroth jumped out from up the stairs naked with a vat of chocolate sauce in his hands. He fortunately heard her comment and ran back up silently to put his clothes back on. Aeris then thought back in her memories of when she was with Avalanche and they were pursuing Sephiroth back in disk one, er, I mean a year ago and whatnot.
In Aeris' memories...........
"Tralalalala! I love life! Wheeeeee! We get to ride chocobos! Wheeeeeee! Oh, we crossed the swamp where the giant Zolem monster lurks! Yay! We got to the other shore! Yippie! We get off!" Aeris cried aloud.
"Are you going to self narrate whenever you are in a gleeful mode?" Red XIII asked, who happened to share the chocobo awkwardly with her.
"Yes! I believe so!" Aeris giggled.
She skipped up next to Cloud and the others. They all stopped and gawked up at a tree where a huge snake monster was impaled on. Blood was everywhere and on a rock next to it was a message written in blood; Sephiroth was here. Aeris' happy expression was turned into an alarmed one but she didn't let that dampen her day. They continued on and she continued to skip. A few more minutes past and they came across a pack of wolves sliced up and their entrails trailing everywhere. Next to them on the ground was another message arranged by their internal organs; Sephiroth was here. Aeris' smile had now completely disappeared and she just walked with the rest of the group. Twenty minutes later and seven more groupings of dead animals and messages left by Sephiroth in blood, entrails, bones and carteledge, was a couple dozen dead bunnies arranged upon the ground to spell out the same message that they had been seeing; Sephiroth was here. Aeris was now fuming with anger.
"I hate him so much!" Aeris yelled, raging with anger over how he killed the bunnies.
"Hate can be an attractive force, Aeris." Red XIII told her.
"And it's going to attract my battle staff to his skull repeatedly at great velocities!" Aeris fumed as she beat the air with her staff.
End memories.........
"Hmmmmmmm, but now we're friends, how ironic." Aeris said with her smile turning to a quick frown at the remembrance of the poor bunnies.
Sephiroth peeked around the railing of Aeris' stairs in the blue Turks outfit holding the flowers. In a few moments, he would make his move..................
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author Notes! WHEEEEEEEEE! Ribbed for your pleasure!
Aeris: O.o
Link: what? I thought the slogan would attract readers to the author notes.
Kain: A little too much attraction.........
Aeris: Riiiiiiiiiight......... Anywho—
Sephiroth: why aren't you in the cage?
Aeris: -.o Heyyyyyyyy............... (Rips off Sephiroth's face, it is actually the Goughnour) I KNEW IT!!!!!!
Goughnour: WOOT!
Link: Woot.........
Legolas: WHAT IS THIS WOOT YOU SPEAK OF?!?!?!
Kain: your mom.
Elisha: (comes in enraged) THAT'S MY SAYING! (The REAL Sephiroth walks into the room)
Sephiroth: What's up? And who is this guy and why is he wearing my clothes?!
Goughnour: Hola.
Sephiroth: .....................
Aeris: WHEEEEEE! I'm so not done with my fic! I'm ganna go crazy!!!!!
Sephiroth: Crazy? I was crazy once. Then they put me in a rubber room. Then I died. Then they buried me. Then the bugs ate me. Bugs? Bugs drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They they put me in a rubber room. Then I died. Then they buried me. Then the bugs ate me. Bugs? Bugs drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once.....
Aeris: You know what? I'm leaving now. Goodbye!
Goughnour: Spifftacular......... heheh.
Kuja: why can't we talk?
Vincent: ..................
Kain: death.........
Aeris: The gates of hell are closing, so hurry up and die.
Kain: mmmmmmmmmmmmmnah.
Elisha: Apply that blueberry muffin to your eye and you'll be all set.
Akira Kijo: (walks in) These people have reinforced my belief that exposure to microwaves while warming burritos is hazardous to one's mind.
Goughnour: I AM THE MONGOOSE QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!
Aeris: I feel sick.
Legolas: there is stuff coming out of your nose that has never come out of your nose before.........
Kuja: well you look sick
Goughnour: she is sick, but don't worry, mental illness isn't contagious, unless they bite you.
Link: Ah!
Aeris: Nibbles......... hehehe, hey. Why are you even here?!
Goughnour: Hey, I heard 'big ass squirrels' and I knew that was the conversation for me.
Dante: I FINALLY SPEAK!!!!!!!!! Well, this is lame......... is this all we could come up with for the author notes? This sux.
Aeris: Well, there is a party in my pants and you're not invited! O.o
Elisha: I'm not? _
Aeris: Wait, you are. OKAY! I'm leaving now!
Aeris: (is inside of cage) ............ Grrr.........
Sephiroth: What are you doing in a cage?
Link: she sure looks like she belongs in it the way she is growling.
Kain: Kinky, Oh! Look at that big ass squirrel! (stares at the squirrel before it runs into a tree and dies)
Red mage: (in a dress, causing everyone to stare) .........What?!
Aeris: Riiiiiiiiiight. I DON'T WANT TO CONTINUE THIS STORY!!!!!!
Kuja: gasp, don't say such things!
Ashley: (walks in) What?! No! You must! (Turns to Kuja) and why aren't you a coconut?!
All: YOU MUST!!!!!!!!
Aeris: you can all go to the lowest regions of hell and BURN!
Sephiroth: Don't worry, she's just PMSing
All: again?! O.o TAKE COVER!!!!!!!
Aeris: Grrrrr, meow
Sephiroth: I like you in there, Bwahahahah!
Aeris: I hate you.
Sephiroth: no, you love me, you know you do. Mmmmm, doughnuts! (Eats krispy kremes)
Vincent: Love is—
Kain and Dante: (hit him w/ a iron spatula) SHUDDUP!!!
Link: Woot.
Ashley: Woot?
Sephiroth: (teases Aeris w/ a doughnut while she is still in the cage) heheheh
Aeris: (snaps at his hand) where the hell is a flying cow when you need one to fall on you?!
Dante: on my barbeque! (Sauces another steak over the barbeque)
Aeris: why me?
Sephiroth: Why not? Start the chappy!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter XVI of the Mongeese!
Well, we left off with Aeris and the gang flying randomly around like a Finwickian field mouse, er, waitaminute......... Whatever. Anyways, they're flying around, yes, yea, flying. Wheeeeeeeeeee! Yeah, like that. Anywho, they all fly back to Midgar in the Highwind, parking it outside the once prosperous city, now lying in partial ruins. Everyone gets off and drags their luggage back to Aeris' place......... Aw, crap, my mom's calling me to dinner. Hold on.
(Elevator music plays)....................... An hour later.........
"Guess what? My prune slave is branching out into gift wrapping." Legolas said aloud as they entered Aeris' house. Aeris turned to Link with suspicion.
"What the hell is a prune slave and why does Legolas have one?" Aeris demanded, only getting a shrug in return.
They all put their things that they brought with them back away where they first got them, wow. Soon, they were back to sitting around the house, bored beyond all reason. Aeris was in the kitchen baking a cherry pie, (the very pie I once loved dearly, yet am now allergic to. OH NO! You all know my weakness now!!! Eek!) Vincent was upstairs with Sephiroth, helping him fix Aeris' bedroom door that Sephiroth had busted down in a failed attempt to save her from Dante, who was playing hide and go kill each other with Kain outside. Link and Legolas were playing Magic the Gathering at the kitchen table while Kuja watched and played with scissors and paper. Cid drank tea at the counter, calmer than usual. When he drinks tea, he gets this weird English accent. O.o
"Yay! I finished!" Kuja giggled, waving around a piece of paper shaped like a human.
"Finished what?" Link asked in wonder as he looked at the paper.
"It's a paper doll! I shall call it my paper love doll! You can hug 'em and hold 'em......... Do any of you want one? I can make many!" Kuja squealed and hugged it.
"Er......... I don't think I'd want a paper love doll........." Aeris said. Cid nodded and put down his tea.
"Yea, nasty place to get a papercut." Cid said in agreement. Everyone stared at him. "What?!"
Meanwhile......... it roxers the boxers
"So......... Son. You really like Aeris, don't you, son?" Vincent asked, right as Sephiroth was nailing the last nail into place to secure the door. The question shocked Sephiroth, making him slip and slam the hammer into his thumb. It took him several minutes to realize that his thumb was now bleeding severely. Sephiroth only looked down at his thumb and looked over to Vincent in a calm manner.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG SSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT TTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Could be heard all throughout the sector, setting off car alarms, making dogs howl, and causing everyone to freeze and look about for the direction the scream emanated from.
"What the hell?!" Aeris shrieked, heading up the stairs.
"THAT HURT!" Sephiroth yelled out, grasping his thumb that now bled all over his front.
"Oh my gosh, Sephiroth! Wait here! And don't drip it everywhere!" Aeris said as she ran past him into her room, coming out again with a first aid kit in her hands.
"I SMELL BLOOD!" Kain shouted outside but could be heard running into the house towards the stairs.
"Um, Vincent? Could you go hold him off for me while I fix his thumb?" Aeris asked with a smile. Vincent turned and went down the stairs and several shots could be heard. Aeris paused from her healing and went to the top of the stairs to shout at him. "I SAID HOLD HIM OFF, NOT SHOOT HIM!!!!!!"
"He's still alive, or undead......... whichever." Someone replied, most likely Dante's as she heard the sound of a body being dragged outside again.
"Oh, okay then." Aeris went back to Sephiroth's thumb. She cleaned it and dried it. "Hold still, I'll cast a cure spell on it." In which she did and it healed back to normal. Sephiroth stared at her the whole time. She gave him a cute smile. "There! All better."
"I still hurt though." Sephiroth whined.
"Well it shouldn't" Aeris told him.
"No, it's not my thumb that hurts, it's my ass now."
"Why the heck would your ass hurt when you hit your thumb?" She questioned.
"I don't know, I think I may have dislocated it when I was screaming. Could you check it for me?" Sephiroth grinned, turning around and sticking out his nice leather cladded butt. Aeris rolled her eyes and kicked it, causing him to fall over.
"You can't dislocate your ass, you ass." She told him as she headed back downstairs to finish her pie. She yelled back up the stairs. "Now could you please get my door back up?"
"Oh, well, it was worth a try........." Sephiroth muttered. He could hear Aeris complain to Vincent about shooting Kain as he finished his work.
Meanwhile again............
"There's a big difference between bombs and bunnies, my friend." Link told Legolas as he looked at the card he played.
"Not unless they are Monty Python killer bunnies. Then they are just as bad assed as any bomb." Legolas replied.
"But you can blow up a killer bunny with a bomb." Link said.
"Well......... Not if they are infinite bunnies!!!" Legolas shouted and threw down another card. "HA!"
"The pie's almost done." Aeris said to no one in particular while peering into the oven. Cid finished his tea and put the teacup down gently. He briskly got up from the counter and began tossing swear words hither and tither like he normally does. A shot up Kain and Dante walked into the kitchen from outside discussing what hell was like and how Martha Stewart was the interior decorator for it.
"She's also an assassin." Dante said when he got to the counter. He noticed the pie when Aeris brought it out and began to drool. "Mmmmm, pie!"
"IT'S FOR DESSERT!" Aeris yelled, smacking away his hand with a metal pie server. He yelped and backed away as expected.
"FUGGIN' A! This place is a (*^$ing boring hell hole!" Cid cried out.
"No, actually, Martha Stuart's work is a lot different." Dante pointed out.
"I need to (^&$ing go somewhere where I can (^$#ing smoke! And where there's stripers and shit! ^$)* this place!" Cid finished, grabbing his wallet. "I'm off to the (*%$ing Wall market!"
"Oh, I forgot they fixed up that place, or at least tried." Aeris remarked absentmindedly.
"Vamp boy! Where the *$@# are ya?!?!" Cid called around, no reply. Vincent had vanished earlier, back upstairs to attempt a conversation with Sephiroth.
Up stairs with Vincent and Sephiroth several minutes earlier.........
Sephiroth was mounting the door onto the hinges and squaring it into place when he felt an ominous dark force from behind. Quietly, he put the door in place while muttering. "My Sephy senses are tingling........."
He flipped around, facing Vincent and did some kung fu poses, accidentally hitting the door, which fell over onto his body, trapping him underneath. Vincent just stared at his actions with no hint of emotion on his face besides a solemn one. He crouched down next to him. He had somewhat of a curious look in his eyes, which made Sephiroth a bit nervous and suspicious.
"So how much do you like her, son?" Vincent asked, his face not changing.
"What's it to you?!" Sephiroth grumbled from under the door. He finally shoved it off and stood up to look at Vincent as he stood as well.
"I'm just trying help, son." Vincent replied in a monotone way.
"Um, could you not call me son after everything you say?" Sephiroth groaned as he replaced the door back on the hinges. It finally stayed up, opening and closing like normal.
"No, son." Vincent replied coldly. Sephiroth heaved a sigh of annoyance, turning back to face his newly found 'father' only to see that he was holding up a blue suite much like the Turks wore. "I want you to have this. It'll really knock out Aeris; chicks always dig the suites. That's how I met your mom."
"Um, Vincent?! Why?! Would you mind not butting into my love life." Sephiroth said, very creeped out when he thought of what Vincent and his mom did while he wore the suite. Vincent smacked him over the head with his claw and threw the clothes at him.
"It's father to you, son! You don't even have a love life. Now try it on." Vincent commanded. Sephiroth turned around after grumbling a bit under his breath and went into Aeris' room to change. He emerged fully cladded in the Turks suite. Vincent fixed his tie and patted him on the back with a smile, wiping away a tear with his claw. "I'm so proud of you, my son. Now, a lesson in getting the girls attention! You have to throw hints for a while, and if that doesn't work you wrap the hint around a brick before throwing. But make sure you don't hit anything vital, and not below the waist. She needs to bear your children, so don't damage the ovaries. Understand, son?"
"................." Sephiroth was now beyond disturbed and stared at the older man. O.o
"Good! Now get her something. I noticed that you got her flowers the other day before Kain popped up. Did you give em to her?" Vincent asked. Sephiroth shook his head no. Vincent sighed and continued. "Well, that's to be expected. Get the flowers........."
Sephiroth went back in Aeris' room and came back out with a partially withered bouquet. "Here."
"Don't give them to me, give them to Aeris. You also have to be silver tongued when it comes to ladies. Be suave, no, not the shampoo, I'm talking slick. You gotta steal the lady's heart and make her melt." Vincent told him. "Make it seem like you are interested but not too interested so that you'll get her wrapped around your finger like a boa constrictor. Well, you don't want her that tight; you might lose an arm that way. Be sweet as honey to her too."
"How do I do all that?" Sephiroth asked, now actually curious to hear what he had to say.
"Well, here's what you have to do..............." Vincent then began to whisper to him. Sephiroth nodded, smiling as he listened. Vincent finished up and gave him a slap on the back before he could hear Cid's raspy voice calling for him.
Back downstairs, where the ninja strippers are............ O.o
Cid called once more upstairs before Vincent paced down them. Cid then grabbed him by the cape and ordered the other guys out the door. He told them he was going to show them a good time at the Honey Bee Inn. Aeris just stood, staring at the door after it slammed shut again. She sighed and shook her head at them, getting back to her pie.
"Well, it's just me and Sephiroth in the house alone again. It would be unlucky of me if he were to attempt something that would later scar me for life, most likely involving nudity and chocolate sauce." Aeris said aloud as Sephiroth jumped out from up the stairs naked with a vat of chocolate sauce in his hands. He fortunately heard her comment and ran back up silently to put his clothes back on. Aeris then thought back in her memories of when she was with Avalanche and they were pursuing Sephiroth back in disk one, er, I mean a year ago and whatnot.
In Aeris' memories...........
"Tralalalala! I love life! Wheeeeee! We get to ride chocobos! Wheeeeeee! Oh, we crossed the swamp where the giant Zolem monster lurks! Yay! We got to the other shore! Yippie! We get off!" Aeris cried aloud.
"Are you going to self narrate whenever you are in a gleeful mode?" Red XIII asked, who happened to share the chocobo awkwardly with her.
"Yes! I believe so!" Aeris giggled.
She skipped up next to Cloud and the others. They all stopped and gawked up at a tree where a huge snake monster was impaled on. Blood was everywhere and on a rock next to it was a message written in blood; Sephiroth was here. Aeris' happy expression was turned into an alarmed one but she didn't let that dampen her day. They continued on and she continued to skip. A few more minutes past and they came across a pack of wolves sliced up and their entrails trailing everywhere. Next to them on the ground was another message arranged by their internal organs; Sephiroth was here. Aeris' smile had now completely disappeared and she just walked with the rest of the group. Twenty minutes later and seven more groupings of dead animals and messages left by Sephiroth in blood, entrails, bones and carteledge, was a couple dozen dead bunnies arranged upon the ground to spell out the same message that they had been seeing; Sephiroth was here. Aeris was now fuming with anger.
"I hate him so much!" Aeris yelled, raging with anger over how he killed the bunnies.
"Hate can be an attractive force, Aeris." Red XIII told her.
"And it's going to attract my battle staff to his skull repeatedly at great velocities!" Aeris fumed as she beat the air with her staff.
End memories.........
"Hmmmmmmm, but now we're friends, how ironic." Aeris said with her smile turning to a quick frown at the remembrance of the poor bunnies.
Sephiroth peeked around the railing of Aeris' stairs in the blue Turks outfit holding the flowers. In a few moments, he would make his move..................
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author Notes! WHEEEEEEEEE! Ribbed for your pleasure!
Aeris: O.o
Link: what? I thought the slogan would attract readers to the author notes.
Kain: A little too much attraction.........
Aeris: Riiiiiiiiiight......... Anywho—
Sephiroth: why aren't you in the cage?
Aeris: -.o Heyyyyyyyy............... (Rips off Sephiroth's face, it is actually the Goughnour) I KNEW IT!!!!!!
Goughnour: WOOT!
Link: Woot.........
Legolas: WHAT IS THIS WOOT YOU SPEAK OF?!?!?!
Kain: your mom.
Elisha: (comes in enraged) THAT'S MY SAYING! (The REAL Sephiroth walks into the room)
Sephiroth: What's up? And who is this guy and why is he wearing my clothes?!
Goughnour: Hola.
Sephiroth: .....................
Aeris: WHEEEEEE! I'm so not done with my fic! I'm ganna go crazy!!!!!
Sephiroth: Crazy? I was crazy once. Then they put me in a rubber room. Then I died. Then they buried me. Then the bugs ate me. Bugs? Bugs drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They they put me in a rubber room. Then I died. Then they buried me. Then the bugs ate me. Bugs? Bugs drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once.....
Aeris: You know what? I'm leaving now. Goodbye!
Goughnour: Spifftacular......... heheh.
Kuja: why can't we talk?
Vincent: ..................
Kain: death.........
Aeris: The gates of hell are closing, so hurry up and die.
Kain: mmmmmmmmmmmmmnah.
Elisha: Apply that blueberry muffin to your eye and you'll be all set.
Akira Kijo: (walks in) These people have reinforced my belief that exposure to microwaves while warming burritos is hazardous to one's mind.
Goughnour: I AM THE MONGOOSE QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!
Aeris: I feel sick.
Legolas: there is stuff coming out of your nose that has never come out of your nose before.........
Kuja: well you look sick
Goughnour: she is sick, but don't worry, mental illness isn't contagious, unless they bite you.
Link: Ah!
Aeris: Nibbles......... hehehe, hey. Why are you even here?!
Goughnour: Hey, I heard 'big ass squirrels' and I knew that was the conversation for me.
Dante: I FINALLY SPEAK!!!!!!!!! Well, this is lame......... is this all we could come up with for the author notes? This sux.
Aeris: Well, there is a party in my pants and you're not invited! O.o
Elisha: I'm not? _
Aeris: Wait, you are. OKAY! I'm leaving now!