I'm back! –happy dance- I couldn't resist! I wrote this like five minutes ago, as per usual. This chappie is dedicated to tuvalian-cheese and ellsiethecow because they are my two best reviewers, and they're awesome! Also, to my anonymous reviewers, thanks so much, I wish I could reply in a better way, but, ah well! Also, just need to tell everyone, this story is a bit AU. If you've noticed this already- congrats! James hasn't really noticed Lily yet- not romantically anyway. He is just starting to like her- before, she was just some random Gryffindor to him. Now I know I've categorised this as Humour, but I don't really think it's funny. If this chapter and any future ones aren't very funny it's because it's not really humour; at least not in my eyes. Anywho, onwards with our quest! Over And Out!

FTPF: Do I own Harry Potter yet?

Harry: No. Thank god. If you did I'd probably be either dead or a cross dresser.

FTPF: Who said "either"? Why can't you be both?

Harry: What! No thanks. No make-up for me!

FTPF: But it'd bring out the colour of your eyes!

Harry: Well, FYI, J.K Rowling owns me, so you can't do anything!

FTPF: Poo on you.

8:30, breakfast, great hall

-yawn- morning George. I was dragged out of bed at the ungodly hour of seven o'clock by Alicia and Izzy, they're both early risers. Elle got up willingly, but she's, well, nuts. Melissa was a bit disgruntled, but was coaxed out by the fact there was still hot water. Jade was already gone; she goes for a run in the morning as extra training for quidditch. Billie, Adrienne and I refused to get out, so we were, as I said before, literally dragged out of bed. Adrienne is a noon-sleeper, as am I, and Billie says that she stays in late to annoy Sean, her boyfriend (he's a sport nutter, gets up early to train for Quidditch. Bonkers). After we were dragged out of bed, we recognised defeat and got ready for the day. On the way to the great hall, I only tripped once, and Billie only tripped 3 times. I'm not that much of a klutz; but Billie is. Half of my first was spent sitting in the hospital wing, keeping Billie entertained. Then, in second year, we researched some basic healing spells which reduced the number of trips to the hospital wing. Still, Billie has a bed reserved. She's a favourite of Pomphrey, because she takes potions without complaint, since she's so used to it. When we reached the Great Hall Adrienne, Billie and I were still all half-asleep and we three walked in yawning. Very attractive.

Billie went off to chat to Sean, Elle was involved in a heated discussion with a 5th year friend, Melissa was whisked away by some Ravenclaws, Izzy left to chat up a hot senior and Alicia needed to converse with some Hufflepuffs, so Adrienne and I were left alone. I waved to Greg before sitting down at the gryffindor table, half leaning on Adrienne for pillowing uses.

Adrienne jumped for the coffee; wrestling with Sirius Black for it. I smiled at their power struggle and took refuge in my toast. Hmmm. It seems that Adrienne won the coffee-war and Sirius is looking grumpy. Hehehe. Any discomfort to a marauder is good for me. Hmmm, I think Black has just realised that Adrienne is rather pretty as he is looking her up and down while she drinks her energy-booster (the coffee). Oh great. He's making his moves on her. At least she's not one of those giggly bimbos. Wait, why is she batting her eyelashes at him like that? Please tell me there's something in her eye. Oh my sweet Merlin. She is one of those giggly bimbos. Dammit. Black has won over her with his charms. Bloody charms. Ooooh- there's some Wheatbix on the table! YES! Wheatbix is my favourite cereal ever, so when I come across it, I get rather excited. Hehehe. Inching towards the box. Reaching over and- "POTTER! GIMME BACK MY FLIPPIN' WHEATBIX!" I hate Potter. Am currently struggling with him for the cereal. "What do you mean- yours? I always have Wheatbix in the morning!"

I am in complete and utter shock- paired with fury. So he's the one who always eats the darling Wheatbix before I get to the Great Hall. I always thought it was that fifth year. Maybe I shouldn't have hexed her. Anyway, still shocked. It was Potter the whole time. Grr. Double Grr. Uh oh. Flitwick's heading over to sort us out. Eh. At least it's not McGonnagal. "What's happening here, Miss Evans? Is something the matter?" I was tempted to say yes, and explain Potter's Git-ness, but I don't think Flitwick will see it the way I do. Stupid Potter. Steal my Wheatbix? What is this madness? I smile sweetly at Flitwick and wait till he's gone back to the staff table. Hey! Potter just took the Wheatbix again! I'll show him!

Aaaah. I feel somewhat better now. I am currently venting my frustrations by kicking Potter's shin under the table. He looks like he wants to cry! Go me! Anyway, after smiling at Greg, and glaring at Prat No.1 (Potter) I realised that I had been drooling over the Wheatbix for five minutes straight. So that's what Adrienne was trying to tell me with that rather violent sign language. And here I was, thinking she was having a seizure or something! Oh, bell rang, watch out History of Magic, here I come! Wait, I just realised what subject I just mentioned. Noooooo!

9:05, History of magic, sitting next to Greg!

Sorry, had to underline Greg's name. I mean, how could I not? It's Greg! I know I sound like a pathetic schoolgirl, but deal with me here, I am a pathetic schoolgirl! And I am aware that I sound like I have a stupid crush on Greg, but I don't actually. He's just a great guy, and I can't help but feel a little excited about it. I mean, what if we end up as really good mates? That would be awesome! Am actually considering setting him up with one of my friends. Maybe Adrienne? Nah, she's got Sirius "Wanker" Black. Okay, think Lily, think; who to put him with? Not Izzy- she's got Jacques. But I guess if she ever breaks up with that gorgeous Frenchman…. And not Billie, Sean Wood has captured her heart forever. Wait, what if Greg's gay? Who do I know who would be good enough for Greg, a cake boy, and available? Such difficult questions plague me! Oh, Greg is saying something to me. Better go!

…

Been chatting to Greg for a while, looks like he can't pay attention in HOM either- I'm not the only one! He's actually very smart- I never noticed before. Hey, some random chick in the corner seems to be glaring at me. What did I do? Oh- now she's making goo-goo eyes at Greg, which answers my question. She's rather pretty, I think. Sort of plain looking, but attractive all the same. Greg is now starting on his notes. Think I might too- don't want to fail after all. Bye for now!

10:13, second period, Arithmancy

sooo bloody bored. Greg doesn't take this class, so I'm sitting with Billie and Alicia. The class compromises of:

- Billie (no idea why she took it- she despises the subject)

- Alicia (Arithmancy genius

- ME! –does conga- woohoo!

- Remus Lupin (so hot!)

- James Potter (I suspect the only reason he's passing is Remus' notes)

- Dorcas Meadows (she's alright, I guess. Ravenclaw.)

- Monique Pickering (stupid hufflepuff.)

- Emmeline Vance (hufflepuff- very nice)

- Dan Jordan (commentator for Quidditch. v. funny person)

- Fabian Prewett (heh heh. Fabian! I always tease him by calling him "Fabio" but he doesn't mind)

- Narcissa Black (bleargh. Git. And her boyfriends a git. And her child will be a git. And all her friends are Gits with a capital G. And her sister Bellatrix is a git. And all her cousins are gits including Prat No.2- Sirius. Basically, any member of her friendship group and family are utter gits.)

- Evan Nott (weedy little worm.)

- some other random people (2 Ravenclaws, another Slytherin, a couple of Hufflepuffs.)

yeah, huge class. Pshk. Hmmm, I don't think our teacher; Professor Spennlar likes me very much. She's constantly checking on me, making sure I haven't blown up a stoned monkey or something.

Where'd the high monkey come from?

Honestly, I have no idea. So go away Billie, I need to take notes.

Notes? Sure. Most likely you're plotting James Potter's murder. Involving a guillotine,

aforementioned monkeys, a vat of slow burning acid, highly flammable hairspray, flannel pajamas, a Fanged Frisbee and an extra-large frying pan.

Details, details. I never said what type of notes I was writing anyway. By the way, the flannel pajamas are a nice touch- I might add it to my list of necessities for Potter's demise.

I bet you will. But you better give me credit- or I'll pull a law case on you- get ready to be accused of copyright infringement, I will sue!

I can just imagine you doing that. Anyway, I better get back to my "notes". -coughblueprintscough-

Blue prints? Of what exactly?

His dormitory of course! Anyway, I'm not writing back after this- I need to exercise self-control.

Pshk! Self-control? What is this word? I have never heard of it! Foreign tongues confuse me.

Hmmmm. Billie is skitz. Well, that's not really surprising, actually. Better take some notes now.

Operation: Death Of Egotistical Prat

Utensils:

- Extra-large frying pan x 1

- guillotine x 1

- flannel pajamas x 2(just to be safe)

- vat of slow burning acid x 1

- stoned monkey x 6 (the more, the merrier!)

- highly flammable hairspray x 1

- Fanged Frisbee x 1

Time Slot:

Operation ODOEP will commence at exactly 1800 hours- dinner.

Officers in Command:

- Sybilla Rose Wilson

- Lily Marie Evans

- Alicia May Sanders

- Adrienne Cresswell

- Isabelle Ann McKenzie

Locations at said time:

SRW- Gryffindor table

LME- chamber next to the Great Hall

AMS- doors of Great Hall

AC- positioned next to Potter

IAM- behind staff table

Process of military moveme- aah! Spennlar's coming! Crapolla!

Have I mentioned that Spennlar doesn't like or trust me? Hmmph, thought so. Well, I better go do some actual schoolwork.

11:00, third period, still in Arithmancy

The bell just went, and I could hear people moving through the corridors, and I wished I was with them. Grr. Really, I don't mind the subject itself, it's just the teacher that gets me. Crackpot. Anyway, I should go. Spennlar is asking the class questions, and she's getting nearer to me.

…

okay, diary time again! I'm soooo bored, Spennlar is just babbling on about nothing. Ooooh, a fly! Am currently watching the fly zoom around the room and- into my hand? Man, the flies at Hogwarts are psycho. La di da di daaaaaaaa. Okay, new project for me! make a multiple-shaped figure! Hmmm. Grr. It's not working! Try harder! It seems impossible due to logic and reason. But who believes in crap like that?

Lily? What in the name of all things magical are you doing?

Making circular squares that look like triangles, of course!

Right…

And you? Drooling over Amos Diggory?

No! I am so better trained then that! I only drool in Muggle Studies and History of Magic! Okay, I was drooling in my head, you happy? –mutters not nice things-

Not nice things! Wash your mouth out! -scourgify-

Hey, isn't that James Potter staring at you?

What? James Potter is staring at our Lily? She's growing up so fast! –wipes tear-

Shut up Alicia! I bet he's just staring at some braindead bimbo sitting behind me.

Sure Lils, sure.

Hehehe. James and lily sitting in a tree- K-I-S-I-N-G

Alicia, can you not spell "kissing"?

Huh?

You spelt it wrong. Hahaha! Alicia can't spell for shit!

Meh. I can spell "kettle" and that's all that matters.

Kettle?

Darl, you're losing you touch.

For once I have to agree with lily. I mean, "kettle"? Couldn't you do better than that?

Whatever! Crap, Spennlar is heading our way.

Innocent faces everyone!

"girls? What are you doing? Passing notes in class, I expected better of you! give the parchment over!"

oh lord. Billie is handing the piece of paper over, wide-eyed. The professor (cough-evilwitch-cough) walked back up to the front, and to our embarrassment, began reading the notes out loud. Kill me now. Remus looked surprised when one of his best friends was mentioned.

Billie, Alicia and I all shrunk down in our seats, bright red.

Bloody Spennlar. She just took 5 bloody points from bloody Gryffindor. The bloody Slytherins are bloody laughing at us. Bloody gits. And I promise to stop bloody saying "bloody".

YES! The bell went! WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO! Sorry, just a bit relieved. Off to lunch now! Yay! I'll be sitting with Greg!

This is just over six pages, so you'd better be happy with it. Thank you for reviewing, everyone! Also, to anyone who is interested:

In my one-shot fic Straight As A Twistie I used a quote from Empire Records. I changed a few words to fit the story, but other than that, it's untouched. If you can figure out what the quote is, I'll dedicate a chapter of this fic to you, and you get a cyber packet of Twisties! Just tell me what the quote is in a review of Straight As A Twistie or this fic. Thank you for reading my story! Lots of love and cyber Twisties,

Amy