Asylum
By Katsuya Kaiba
Ugh…my head. What…?
Zahra's eyes cracked open slightly and he lifted his hand to his forehead, trying to somehow dull the awful pounding he felt. There was light somewhere near to him, and he shut his eyes again when he realized that it only made his head feel worse.
"You know, I'm beginning to think that you're trying to inconvenience me. What the hell is wrong with you?"
Zahra didn't respond at first, and he bit back the comment that rose to his tongue, not wanting to engage in an argument when he felt so terrible already. Just his voice, that gratingly irritating tone, made Zahra wish that he hadn't awoken at all. What was wrong with him? He couldn't remember what had happened. He allowed his eyes to open once more, this time fully, and he saw Sethe standing over the bed, staring angrily. The bed…? Zahra glanced down, he was lying on Sethe's bed, and he almost wanted to smile at that. If Sethe were really angry, he would have just dumped him on the floor. But no…Zahra met his eyes and saw a mask of irritation, but underneath it hid confusion.
"I…don't know. I don't remember what happened." Sethe's eyes became unreadable for a moment, but he spoke with the same frustration in his voice that he always did, and Zahra was beginning to get the impression that Sethe spoke that way no matter how he felt.
"You passed out. But before that…you said some strange things. What did you mean by that?"
"By what? What did I say?"
The priest huffed impatiently and crossed his arms over his chest, in some sort of unbelievable rush to hurry up and get this over with. "You said something about the room changing, and something coming…it didn't make a whole lot of sense. It was hours ago, now."
Zahra sat up on the bed and cringed at the pain in his head, which was receding slowly but still hit him hard in the center of his forehead. "I just…I think it was the smoke. There was something about it that was changing the way the room felt…and it was too much, it kept pressing down on me…it sounds strange but that's the only way that I can explain it. I was already tired from the way that I was seeing everything…"
Sethe's face lit up guardedly at Zahra's last words, and he stared at Zahra's eyes hard, searching for something. Zahra hoped that the priest couldn't see what he was like underneath, but if he had done it to Sethe, there was no way to hide from him. Zahra looked down at the bed, feeling violated.
"Please…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to see all those things in you, they were just there. I won't do it anymore, I promise, just don't look for it in me like that."
It was brutally silent for a long while after he spoke, and when the priest didn't answer him, Zahra looked up and saw nothing but complete bewilderment on Sethe's face, and even underneath it. He knew then that the spelled cosmetic was still on his eyes, and he immediately cursed himself for seeing underneath the priest's outer image because he had just promised that he wouldn't do it again. He didn't like the way it felt when he thought that Sethe was doing to him what he'd done to the priest earlier, and it was an awful invasion of privacy, but he couldn't control it. He didn't even understand it, and he began to feel uncomfortable with himself.
"Oh! I didn't mean to look just then. Okay, this time I won't do it ever again. I can't help it, it's this stuff you put on my eyes. It's forcing me to see it!" Zahra clenched his fists and tightened his muscles, waiting for the priest to speak and hoping that he would be able to make it stop, or at least explain it so that Zahra could make it stop on his own.
"What can you see?" Sethe sounded calm, much calmer and much more patient than he ever had before, and Zahra relaxed instantly under his tone and ventured another look at the priest. Sethe was closer now, he had taken another step forward while Zahra was turned away and he now stood just inches away from where Zahra sat. With a conscious effort, Zahra found that he could look at Sethe's face without seeing what was underneath it, and he did so with everything he had while he spoke.
"I could see…how you are. How I am, in the mirror. I could see the blue in the fires, and things that you thought, and I thought…and…." Zahra trailed off into silence as he realized that Sethe had no idea what he was talking about, and his eyes widened when he saw that. Didn't he know? Couldn't he see it, as well? Sethe said nothing, and Zahra hesitantly continued, praying that he was wrong and that this was normal, that for just once in his life he could be like everybody else around him. "You…you can't see it."
It wasn't a question; he knew that Sethe couldn't see what he saw. It was written all over his face.
"The flames, yes, I can see that. But thoughts…I'm not sure that it's possible. Are you sure?" Sethe's voice became rough again, and he waited for Zahra to respond. Zahra nodded his head and shifted uncomfortably on the bed, knowing that Sethe didn't really believe him.
I can't even really believe it myself. Isn't there anything about me that's normal? And now he thinks I'm a liar, and he's looking at me like I'm insane…I might be.
"Show me." It was a simple enough request, but Zahra instantly felt the pressure to perform well under Sethe's judgment. He didn't want to do it, but he slid himself off the bed and stood silently, waiting for Sethe to ask him in a different way. Sethe took a small step back to give Zahra some room, still watching him cautiously, but he didn't say anything to him and Zahra felt the need to ask.
"What…what do you want me to do?"
"I want you to describe exactly what you see in me…right now." Sethe spoke slowly and deliberately, not as though Zahra were stupid but in a clear and concise way that set Zahra's nerves straight. Feeling somehow better, Zahra stepped back and did as he was told, letting his eyesight wander over the priest and allowing his control to slip, watching as the soundless phrases and thoughts shimmered lightly in his mind. By closing his eyes, he discovered that he could even see them then, although the things that he picked up on when his eyes were shut weren't the same things that he literally saw on Sethe, and he realized that it must be the priest's fickle and immediate thoughts that came through in the darkness. Everything that was written directly on him was exactly the same, so then those must have been the things that made the priest who he was today. It made sense…somewhat. It made about as much sense as it possibly could, and Zahra opened his eyes again and stepped forward, leaning over and pointing at Sethe's ankles, saying the first thing that came into his mind.
"Fire…fire." His finger moved slightly in the air, and he traced the path of flashes and thoughts that encircled Sethe's calves and wound slowly upwards, his eyes losing their focus as he went but still continuing to speak. He didn't bother to listen to himself, knowing that he sounded as disoriented as he felt. "Fire…fire…fire…Memphis…fire…" In the very farthest reaches of Zahra's mind, something began to stir, and he was quiet for a moment, lost in slow thought.
I know of a place called Memphis…I heard about it a long time ago. It's far, across the Nile and to the south…but it's nothing but barren desert now. Even the floods can't heal that land, not after the entire city burned to the ground. Burned…wait. Oh my god… Zahra blinked, glanced up at the priest whose face was completely deserted, and then looked away again, hoping that he hadn't caught what Zahra had found there. Oh, god…Sethe was there. He must have escaped somehow…but I thought that everyone had been lost. And from what I heard, it was years ago, at least ten or twelve years ago…Sethe must have been so young. I don't dare say anything about it. Maybe that's why he's so awful to everyone…his entire city was destroyed, and he somehow lived. His family…I wonder if they escaped. To be such a young priest…then I suppose not. I bet that he was immediately sent to the temple having no place else to go. Asylum…but who would have sent him, if everyone was dead?
Zahra concentrated on the trail once more, not wanting Sethe to become impatient with him, and he found the intertwined emotions just above, where they had been before. He spoke them aloud as they came to him, and slowly inched his way up the path, speaking the words as soon as he was sure he saw them.
"Death and longing…right on top of one another…Atemu…" Zahra had seen that name the last time he had looked here, and he wondered who that was, for Sethe to think of him so often. "Heliopolis…Amun-Ra…" That much made sense, Sethe lived in Heliopolis and he kept the temple of Amun-Ra, so the next thing that Zahra saw surprised him very much. "Suti…" Suti was a god, as well, the god of chaos and destruction. How strange, that Sethe should bear the name of both gods, when he only kept one temple. Zahra resolved to guess at it later and continued, making a direct point to not look Sethe in the face, feeling a bit uneasy at how long he had remained silent. Sethe was not a very silent person.
"Suti…Suti…" The intense feel of the god was wrapped around Sethe's spine, which struck Zahra as important, knowing from simple common knowledge that the spine was the only thing that made people able to connect with the gods at all. Why wasn't it Amun-Ra? Zahra moved upwards and let his eyes fall on Sethe's chest, just in front of his heart, and waited. There was nothing there to read or feel or catch, and Zahra thought for a moment that perhaps he wasn't looking hard enough, and he kept trying and waiting for something to strike him. Nothing came, not even after a long and quiet minute. Zahra became worried, wondering if he'd missed it somehow or lost track of where the thoughts lay, but he took a step closer without realizing it and just breathed, listening closely to the sound of the silence in Sethe's heart.
And that, Zahra realized with a start, was the only thing inside of him. Was Sethe completely empty there? He couldn't say for sure, not wanting to make any rash judgments seeing as how he was pretty much making everything up as he went along, and there was no way to know for sure. But he leaned in and closed his eyes, hoping that it would help, and something stirred then but it didn't move or feel like anything at all, and Zahra couldn't stop the hand that rose up from his side and placed itself softly on Sethe's chest, searching for what lay underneath. That was the exact moment that he felt it, the reason that he couldn't read or see anything there. When he touched Sethe over his heart, the way that the place felt to Sethe himself poured into Zahra, and he stood with his eyes still closed and constricted his chest, trying to hold it all in. For what there was in Sethe's heart wasn't a true emptiness, but rather a hollow ache that burned and tore at the place it slept, right inside his heart. It was the absence of something that made him feel at all, and while it was painful for Zahra to catch, he couldn't help but see how much of a struggle Sethe was putting up against it. He wasn't empty, although it looked as though he should be, after he had followed the path up almost to its end. And even though there wasn't anything left inside to fill his heart, there was still the ache of the loss, and the pain that follows the knowledge that something is definitely misplaced. Sethe wasn't empty inside…he was just missing pieces and living on that way.
"Empty…" The word left Zahra's mouth before he could think of it and what it meant, and he felt Sethe's heart speed up considerably under his hand after he'd said it. Then, another hand came up and pushed Zahra's own away, and he opened his eyes and stepped back immediately, pulling himself back into reality with his growing fear. Sethe's face was awfully pale, and Zahra wasn't sure what his expression meant, but underneath his face he could see small hints of exposure and intrusion. He felt as though he might have overstepped his bounds, but he had no clue what he was doing, and Sethe had asked him to tell him everything he saw. There wasn't any way to win.
"That's enough. Just stop." Sethe's face lost it's ambiguity and immediately became angry, and Zahra backed away from him and fell back onto the bed, sitting nervously and waiting for Sethe to make his first move. He really hadn't wanted to make Sethe angry…not this time. He wanted answers, he needed help. He had no idea what was wrong with him or why he was seeing and feeling these things, and Sethe was the only person he knew that might be able to help him. But Sethe was angry now, and Zahra felt his composure slipping away as Sethe took a step backwards, then another, and finally he turned and left the room, leaving Zahra alone and miserable on his bed.
The priest didn't walk more than two steps out of the room before he stopped and leaned his back against the wall of the hallway, placing his hand over his forehead and closing his eyes. He had only wanted to see what Zahra had meant, but he certainly hadn't expected to have every inch of his painful past dredged up and spoken aloud to his face. He leaned there and collected himself and his composure, determined to deal with the situation as best he could. As soon as he had mercilessly shoved every image and emotion back down into the place that Zahra had pulled them from, he pushed himself off the wall and turned, walking back into the room.
Zahra looked up at the sound and watched as Sethe reentered the room, his face once more calm and laced with eternal dissatisfaction. He silently walked over to the bed and sat down by Zahra's side, clasping his hands together in his lap and starting thoughtfully at the stone floor. Zahra sat cross-legged in the center of the bed and watched, hoping that Sethe wasn't as upset as he appeared to be. Zahra wasn't sure if he was in trouble or not, from the way that Sethe was acting, and he almost brought his hands up to his eyes and rubbed away the cosmetic, wishing what he had away. Wishing that he was home, and none of this had ever happened, that Makiah was still alive and here to help him. Now the only help he had was Sethe, and Zahra felt that it was a poor trade, regardless of the very valid reasons that he now knew the priest had for being so awful all the time.
"Are you…mad at me?" Sethe turned his head and looked at Zahra vacantly for a moment before turning away again.
"No…don't be ridiculous."
"Oh…" Zahra wasn't sure exactly what to say to that. Obviously the priest was something with him, but he supposed that Sethe would say so in his own time. "What's wrong with me?"
Sethe chewed his lip in thought before answering Zahra's question. "Nothing. It's not wrong, it's just…unexpected. I didn't honestly expect that you would be able to see much of anything, not even the fires. I'm the only one of the priests here who can see even that, but I possess the Neter Maa…and so do you. Much more so than I. I've…I've never even heard of a person who could see all the things that you can."
As Zahra was listening to Sethe speak he felt the awful truth of it sinking in, and his head hung low and he stared at the bed underneath him. He didn't want this, not in the least. He wanted to be like everyone else around him. Well… Zahra glanced up from underneath his blond bangs and caught sight of Sethe's blue eyes and sandy brown hair and felt that perhaps he wasn't the only one here who was left out. It didn't fix how he was, but he didn't feel quite so alone. And Sethe said that he had that special sight as well, although it wasn't the same as Zahra's. It was similar, though, and that meant that Sethe must understand how Zahra was feeling at that moment.
I wonder if he was as scared as I am right now, when he found out. He must have discovered it much earlier than I did. We're really similar, he and I, except that he's a total jackass, of course. God, I don't want this. I wonder what he'll do with me now. I hope…I hope that I at least get to stay here. He's awful, but I think that he understands…he's being a lot nicer to me now.
"Will you send me away?" Sethe frowned at nothing when he heard that and spoke more forcefully.
"Of course not. If I sent you away I'd be in even more trouble than I already am in, thanks to you. And anyway…" Sethe's eyes grew distant with a hidden memory. "I don't know of a single place in all of Egypt that would help someone like you. The Neter Maa is the mark of Suti…whose people aren't exactly well tolerated, as I'm sure you know. If anyone found out that you had it, granted that they knew what it was, you might find yourself in a lot of trouble. But that's so odd…you've never been to temple, not even once. But you must have been…"
Sethe was right, Zahra did understand what he meant by his words on followers of Suti. Of course, Zahra had never met one before, and he wasn't much on holding unjustified opinions, but from what he had been told over the years living in a sacred city such as Heliopolis, things weren't looking too well for him. They were essentially supposed to be miserable people who thrived on causing trouble for others, destroying order and peace wherever they went. They even looked strange, he remembered someone saying in particular, and the Eye of Heru made them do peculiar things.
Wait a second…the Eye of Heru? Didn't Sethe say something about that before he drew this stuff on my eyes?
Zahra thought back to the moments just before Sethe had painted his eyes.
"You have to emulate the Eye of Heru…"
"Sethe…didn't you say something about the Eye of Heru? One time I heard that it made followers of Suti act strangely. Is that what happened to me? Am I…?" He asked a question that he didn't know he had inside him, and Zahra's words fell into nothing as he thought about what he'd asked, and how he already knew the answer.
But…I can't belong to a god that I know nothing about! Do I even have any control over it? I…oh, this is awful. And I do look strange, and weird things do happen to me when I…oh…
"You…" Sethe sighed and paused, thinking of a way to say what he meant without making it sound as though Zahra's life was over. Zahra looked at Sethe in the eye and saw something underneath his blank expression, something that looked like regretful understanding. "It would be best if you didn't say anything to anyone else about this. The other priests here, they know about me, but they can't do anything about it because the Pharaoh himself knows and gave me this temple anyway, on the condition that I would keep it as his. I'm sure that you noticed the way that they act towards me." His eyes narrowed slightly and he looked away, angry at the mere thought. "Although Isis did look into your future…but I'm almost positive that she didn't see what you are. She would have reacted much differently."
Zahra knew of whom Sethe spoke, and he realized that the nicer priest, the one that he had liked, was named Isis. He had noticed how she seemed to have it in for him, not even letting Sethe get a word in to the Pharaoh to defend his behavior…however inexplicable it may have been. But Zahra was beginning to get a clearer idea of why Sethe was so overprotective of the temple. It had been given to him in faith, regardless of what he was, and it was probably all he had ever known since he'd lost everything. Zahra looked up at the priest and remembered that Sethe didn't know how much Zahra had deciphered about him, and he decided to keep it quiet and see just how much Sethe told him in the coming days. In the meantime, he still had no idea what to do with himself and what he had learned.
"So…what happens to me now? What am I supposed to do with this?" His face felt like it was full of fear, and he knew that it must have been, because his heart felt the exact same way, and he looked at Sethe pleadingly, begging him not to leave him alone with this. Sethe immediately averted his eyes and stood up from the bed, motioning for Zahra to do the same.
"Come on…we're going to the palace." Sethe walked out the doorway quickly and Zahra had to run to catch up. He followed the priest through the temple until they came to the end and through the exact same doorway that Sethe had previously tried to drag him out through. Zahra frowned at the memory; nothing at all was the way it had been yesterday, not even the way that he felt about Sethe. Yesterday he had disliked him greatly, but now…now Sethe was his only chance, the only thing he had that was remotely like him in any way, and he felt a deep need to cling to that desperately. He'd lost too much in too short an amount of time. He still hadn't even cried, for himself, or for Makiah.
Sethe's posture was rigid as he approached the center of the throne room, finding all five priests alongside the Pharaoh, and Isis was the first to see him coming, Zahra closely at his heels. She stepped forward and greeted him politely, but Sethe only ignored her and tried to step past the place that she stood, blocking his way to the Pharaoh.
"If there is something you wish to discuss, I will inform him of it for you." She gave him a look that would have made Zahra run in fear, but Sethe only bristled visibly and then sneered. The Pharaoh was much too far away to hear what was happening between them, and if Sethe made a scene Zahra knew that it would only make him look worse than he already did. But why wouldn't she let him through? Isis ignored Sethe's anger and looked past him, finding Zahra half hidden behind him. Her entire expression altered and she smiled brightly at him, and he found that he could do nothing but smile back. She didn't seem so awful, and she was so nice to him, but he couldn't see the reason why she always felt the need to come between Sethe and the Pharaoh. She had done the same thing to Sethe last time he had been in here, yesterday afternoon when he'd first arrived.
"Hello, Zahra. Is Sethe treating you badly?" Zahra shook his head no, and smiled wordlessly. He wasn't too sure of her intentions any longer, but whatever was happening between her and Sethe wasn't anything to do with him, not yet, at least, and he saw no reason to be mean to her. She was nothing but nice to him. "Well, if he does anything cruel, you come and tell me, alright?" Zahra nodded and smiled again, not knowing what to say to that. She really didn't like Sethe at all. Was it because of what he was? Zahra began to feel grateful that it had been Sethe who had discovered what he had and no one else. Such luck…
"If you'll excuse me…I really think that I should be discussing this with the Pharaoh himself." Sethe made to sidestep her but she was too quick for him and followed his steps. "What is your problem?"
Isis's eyes remained calm and she spoke quietly to Sethe. "I've said this before, and I'll say it now: it is my duty to protect the Pharaoh, and I'm doing just that." She was able to imply exactly how she felt without even saying it, but Zahra could see it underneath her skin. She didn't trust Sethe, and she didn't share the same convictions as the Pharaoh did concerning Sethe's abilities as Kher Heb.
No…she wants the temple. That's what it is. She wants it, and she doesn't think that Sethe is capable of taking care of it. But he is, I've seen him in the shrine, maybe not for long, but I know how he feels about it inside. It's all he's got.
Zahra closed his eyes and listened, ignoring the flaring rage that he could hear in Sethe's mind and listened for hers, remembering that if he listened and didn't read, he could hear their immediate thoughts and hoped that it worked on everyone and not just Sethe. It wasn't easy, being so close to Sethe in such a bout of fury, but he reached past that and found her thoughts behind them.
Suti…a child of Suti…in Amun-Ra's temple… The thoughts were filled with contempt, and Zahra opened his eyes and pulled away from them, amazed that someone who seemed so nice could be so judgmental underneath.
I thought that he was mean to everyone because he was just that way…but maybe he's been treated this way since he got here…however long ago that was. You'd think that she might trust in the Pharaoh's judgment. I wonder why he feels differently about Sethe.
"I must say, you've gone far out of your way to make this as difficult as you possibly can. Fine, then…report to the Pharaoh that I have found a great amount of potential in Zahra's abilities and wish to train him extensively, with his permission. His talents lie closely to mine, and I believe that he would do well to work along the same path that I have." Sethe drew himself up confidently and stared coolly into her suspicious expression.
"You mean to make him a sorcerer? But he's just-"
"I don't remember asking your permission. Now, if you would, run along and tell the Pharaoh of my intentions." Isis glared at Sethe but turned away without a word, and Sethe grinned down at Zahra, who smiled quickly back and watched her as she went.
"Is it alright…I mean…will she say that or will she tell it differently?"
Sethe watched her evenly and responded, looking certain of himself. "She wouldn't dare. If she did, it would be found out. I do speak with the Pharaoh occasionally, although she hasn't a clue. He comes to see me personally if he suspects anything is up. We're cousins, you know, and he while he can't force anyone to believe something different than they've been taught, he does watch out for me. He knows perfectly well how they are to me, but he can't say a thing because…because he's the Pharaoh. He's the son of Amun-Ra, the incarnation of Heru, and the eternal enemy of Suti, being such. If he were to defy that…he would be turning his back on his position, and his people."
Zahra could only nod, feeling overwhelmed at the complexity of the situation. Cousins…? Then that might explain why the Pharaoh gave Sethe the chance that he did. But it wasn't as though Sethe wasn't cut out for the job. However, Isis and the other priests must have had different perceptions of that. Zahra thought that they must have guessed that Sethe was given the temple solely based on his familial ties. Especially since he wasn't even one of Amun-Ra's followers. Isis was, Zahra had seen him along her spine briefly as she'd walked away, so she must have believed that she was a much better candidate for the job. But was she? It was too hard to say, Zahra still only had half an idea of what was going on between everyone here but he was starting to think that things ran far deeper than they appeared to. He felt that there was more to it than he was seeing, but before long Isis returned to them and relayed the message that the Pharaoh had sent.
"You have permission to train Zahra in whatever you see fit for him…but the Pharaoh would like to speak with you at length about him later. He said nothing more."
Sethe turned on his heel the instant Isis finished speaking and walked off, and Zahra waved at her before he ran to catch up with Sethe. She smiled and waved back, and Zahra caught up with the priest at the hallway that led back into the temple.
"So…what now?"
"Weren't you listening?" Sethe spoke quietly, walking quickly through the hallways that Zahra had yet to memorize fully. "I have permission to teach you anything I wish, and we're going to start right now. But first…I want to see if my suspicions are correct." Zahra wanted to ask Sethe what he meant by that, but they were coming closer to the main shrine and Zahra was starting to feel strangely. He kept walking directly behind Sethe, and when they turned the corner into the hallway that led into the shrine, the blood in Zahra's veins began to feel colder, the temperature steadily decreasing the closer they came to the doorway. Zahra still wasn't close enough to be able to see into the room, but he felt that by the time he got there, he wouldn't want to. Just the idea of the room twisted something in his stomach, and what made it worse was that when he tried to close his eyes and breath through the feelings he felt them doubly instead, from both himself and Sethe beside him. Zahra opened his eyes and looked up at Sethe, who wore the same expression he always wore, but now Zahra could feel what lay underneath it and he cringed, wondering how Sethe could stand the feeling. The doorway was now in sight and Zahra stopped walking suddenly, standing in the middle of the hallway silently and feeling far too light-headed to take another step.
Sethe paused as well and regarded Zahra with a serious look, watching him sway on his feet for a moment before speaking. "Is this as far as you can go?"
Zahra nodded his head drunkenly and immediately stepped backwards, feeling instantaneous relief at the new amount of distance between him and the shrine. He took another, looking up at Sethe to see what he wanted him to do. Sethe followed him, and seeing this Zahra turned and walked away, leading the priest a bit down the hallway until he felt well enough to act normally. The fogginess in his head cleared and the discomfort registered in his mind, and he looked up at Sethe who was watching him closely.
"What was that?"
Sethe folded his arms over his chest and looked back down the hallway as he spoke. "It was the same thing that caused you to pass out this morning. It's as I thought." Without another word he turned and walked away from the shrine and Zahra, heading someplace unannounced. Zahra was beginning to hate the fact that he did that all the time, but he still felt a little nauseous and decided that catching up with the priest would take enough effort on it's own.
"Hey…" Zahra's steps fell in time with Sethe's and he walked alongside him to a destination that took them into a hall that Zahra didn't recognize. "What do you mean? Why did I feel so awful from being close to that room?" Sethe turned through a doorway that led into a small room, stark and empty compared to the others he had seen. This one was lightly furnished with only a wooden table surrounded by four chairs, and lining three of the four walls were tall bookcases stacked to the breaking point with mostly books, but a few of the shelves had piles of old scrolls, which Zahra had never seen before. They caught his eye momentarily as he followed Sethe to a different bookshelf and watched as he pulled a few books off the piles.
I wonder how old those scrolls are…no one's even written on scrolls for hundreds of years. Uh-oh…I hope Sethe doesn't expect me to read anything…
Zahra sat down in the chair beside Sethe and watched him curiously as he opened the first book, flipping through it until he found something that he was evidently searching for, scanning his eyes over the text quickly.
"Uh…hello?"
"What?" Sethe's voice was filled with frustration and he looked up from what he was doing and met Zahra's eyes.
"You never answered me. Why can't I go in that room anymore?"
"Because it will make you sick." Sethe refocused his eyes on the page in front of him, and Zahra exhaled noisily. Just minutes ago Sethe had been acting so nice, and now it looked as though he was back to his old self again.
"I noticed that. But why? I was in there this morning…you know why. I bet you even know why I passed out earlier."
Sethe smiled to himself without looking up from the text. "Maybe I do."
"Well…tell me!"
Sethe flipped a page, and glanced up at Zahra's face briefly before reading once more. "I already did. You're Shemsu-Suti."
At that, Zahra found that he could say nothing for the moment. He hadn't really admitted that much, not yet, and he still didn't quite believe that it was true. He had no ties at all to any of the gods, least of all one whose people had been chased out of Egypt long ago, sent instead to live in the Red Lands of the south. It just wasn't logical. And anyway, just because Sethe had insisted that he was this thing, it still did not explain why he had reacted so violently in the shrine, twice now today.
"Are you sure? I mean…couldn't it be something else? You said yourself that the things that you see aren't the same as what I see."
Sethe sighed and turned another page, still searching for whatever it was that he needed. "No, I didn't."
Zahra frowned. "Yes you did. You said that-"
"What I said was that you can see more than I can. I never said that it was different. No…it's exactly the same. Exactly." Sethe looked up again, this time with a glare on his face, and then turned his attention back to his book. Zahra sat back on his chair and huffed, wishing all of this away.
"Well, I still don't think so. It doesn't make any sense."
Sethe smirked slightly. "Alright."
Zahra turned his head to face the priest and frowned in his direction, angered somewhat by Sethe's casual dealing with the situation.
"But…you know, you're making this awfully difficult. I don't like this…and I don't want it. I don't even understand it, and you won't explain so that I can! All you can say is that now I'm some terrible thing that I didn't even know I was, and it's all thanks to a god that I have no connection with whatsoever! But you, you know everything about this, don't you? Even though there isn't anyone else like you, in all of Egypt to your knowledge." Zahra clamped down on his tongue at last, knowing that if he continued he'd only say things that he didn't mean. And even if he did mean them, they didn't need to be said. He hated to lose his temper, but everything was falling apart all around him, and nothing felt comfortable or familiar in any way. Sethe had looked up from his book long ago and watched Zahra as he spent his anger silently, and it took him a few moments to speak.
"There is now." Zahra said nothing to that and instead looked away from Sethe, choosing to stare moodily at a stack of books in front of him. He closed his eyes and listened, wondering if Sethe really was mad and just holding off his reaction until later, but as Zahra sat silently and heard Sethe's thoughts he could only feel a trace of guilt intertwined with remembrance. Then he felt bad for speaking so thoughtlessly to Sethe in the first place, although he really had meant it all. Still…he opened his eyes and cast his newfound ability aside in his mind, no longer interested in possessing it. He briefly glanced over at Sethe, who was still watching him carefully with a blank expression.
"Look…" Sethe spoke clearly and slowly, without any sort of emotion. "I'm positive, but if you still don't believe it, there isn't anything I can do. I'm only trying to give you what no one gave me…help. There wasn't anyone to help me sort this out, but I can help you…if you'll let me."
Zahra stared at Sethe, not entirely sure if he was hearing him correctly. "What…why?"
"Because…because I don't like it, either. It's just what is. Do you think that I enjoy this? Having to hide away here in the temple all the time, maintaining a shrine to the god who commanded that everyone like me…like us, was to be destroyed? Performing that ceremony of justification with Isis and the others…and every one of them staring at me as though they should be performing it on me instead!"
Zahra blinked, confused by the priest's last words. "What ceremony? I thought that none of the other priests come here."
Sethe grimaced and then looked back down at his book angrily. "I wish they wouldn't. Unfortunately, some of the more important rituals have to be done with them. I'll let you read it sometime…no, never mind. I think it's coming up soon. You'll see it for yourself." Sethe's anger began to dissolve when he turned another page in his book. "Here it is…"
Zahra was silent for a long time, lost in thought over Sethe's sudden flash of rage. He hadn't thought that Sethe felt that way about it…he hadn't ever seemed to. Or perhaps no one had ever asked him to talk about it before. Who would have?
Maybe…maybe he's right. Who knows? If anyone would know, it would have to be him. I suppose it just doesn't make any sense to me because I don't know anything about this stuff.
"Here…I wrote this long ago. It's a spell, one that will help relieve some of the pain of being near the shrine." Sethe pushed the book over to Zahra across the tabletop, and he took it and leaned in close to the page, utterly lost. Still, although he couldn't read it, he was impressed that Sethe was able to do a thing like writing his own spells. Zahra had never heard of something like that before. The thought struck a chord in his mind, and he remembered something that had been said earlier that day.
"You mean to make him a sorcerer?"
"What did Isis mean when she asked you about making me a sorcerer?"
"It wasn't that complicated." Zahra threw a glare in Sethe's direction, but it was only half truthful. Sethe smirked and then continued. "She wanted to know if that was what I meant. I did mean it, partially. I had to tell her something that would let the Pharaoh know what was going on with you, but still keep her in the dark. I'm going to tell him about you…but it's nothing to worry about. And I do mean to find out if you have the same talent for Heka as I do."
"I'm sure that he does, if he's anything like you at all."
Both Zahra and Sethe looked up quickly at the unexpected intrusion and found the Pharaoh leaning against the doorway. Zahra panicked for a moment, unsure of what to do in such a presence and he hurriedly tried to stand up, but Sethe caught him by the sleeve and yanked him back down again. He fell back into his chair and looked down at the tabletop, wishing that just once someone would tell him how he was supposed to act. Sethe pointed to the chair across from his, and the Pharaoh walked across the room and sat down in it casually, smiling at Sethe.
"I was wondering when you'd come. Isis wouldn't have much of anything today, but I figured that you'd catch on to my message." The Pharaoh nodded slightly, and Zahra glanced up through his bangs, unable to believe that he was just sitting there in front of him, like any other person might.
"I did. Well…I understood that you needed to tell me something, since you know that you wouldn't need my permission for something like that. What's going on?"
So…they really must be cousins. They're just talking to one another like normal…it's so weird, though! I'm sure that I can't say anything to him. I wouldn't even know what to say. Oh…I hope he doesn't ask me anything.
"It's Zahra. He's Shemsu-Suti."
Now Zahra felt pinned under two gazes, both of which he couldn't see since he was staring directly at the tabletop, but he could feel them on his skin, and the sudden silence wasn't helping, either. Sethe had seemed positive that the Pharaoh wouldn't mind, but the longer they both went without speaking, the more Zahra began to doubt Sethe's confidence. He nearly looked up to gauge the Pharaoh's reaction, and had it been anyone else in front of him, he would have.
"Is that so? How did you discover this?"
Zahra instantly relaxed at the Pharaoh's words, which were more curious than anything. He didn't dare try to hear what he was thinking, and instead he glanced up at Sethe to his side, who was leaning his elbows against the table and looking at the Pharaoh.
"He has the Neter Maa…but it's more than just that. He can see things…things that I've never even heard of before. And who knows what else. I haven't had a chance to try and help him sort it all out yet, but I have a feeling that there's more in him, somewhere. He just woke up not too long ago."
"What happened?"
Zahra listened as Sethe sat back in his chair. "The shrine made him sick. And it's not like how I used to get. This is ten times worse, at least. He began acting strangely as soon as I drew the udjat on him, and as I was purifying the room he followed me around, mumbling to himself and looking rather ill, but I certainly wasn't expecting him to be what he is, so I didn't pay too much attention. Then, the second that I broke the seal, he fell to the ground, unconscious."
The two of them fell into silence for a few moments, lost in thought, and Zahra couldn't help himself any longer, and he snuck a look at the Pharaoh through his bangs. Their eyes met, and Zahra pulled his away as fast as he could, praying that he hadn't done something wrong and cursing himself for the indulgence. He wished that they could have had this conversation without him.
"Will he be alright?"
"Of course. I dug up a spell, the same one that you helped me to write when I first arrived. I think it will help him, but I'm not sure to what extent, since we designed it specifically for use on me. Since he's so deeply affected by the presence, I may have to modify it. But," Sethe smiled across the table, "then again, I never was as good as you were at writing spells."
The Pharaoh chuckled deeply at that. "True. If only I could perform them. I have absolutely no skill with Heka, as you well know. But what about him?"
"I've no idea what he can do. I don't even know who his Ba is, and to be honest, I'm hesitant to find out. If we draw it out of him too quickly-"
"It will break him." The Pharaoh finished Sethe's sentence for him. "But what did you mean about his Neter Maa? What is it that he can see?"
Sethe paused, unsure of what to say. "I…I don't know how he does it. But he can see things just by looking at a person, or so it would seem. Come to mention it…" Sethe turned in his seat and faced Zahra, who met his gaze out of the corner of his eye, "I never asked. Zahra…how did you see all of those things?"
Zahra froze, instantly terrified. He gaped at Sethe, who was looking at him expectantly, and he tried to speak but no words would come out. Zahra then turned his head and saw that the Pharaoh, too, was waiting for him to speak. More than anything…he wanted to run.
"Is he always this talkative?" Sethe snickered at the Pharaoh's words, never once taking his eyes off Zahra.
"You should come here more often. This is the first time he's shut up since he got here."
Hearing this, Zahra lifted his head up and frowned at Sethe, and both Sethe and the Pharaoh laughed aloud.
"Zahra…" The Pharaoh spoke quietly and Zahra watched him warily. "What did you see in Sethe?" Zahra blinked nervously and glanced over to the priest, who nodded at him slightly and waited, leaning back in his chair. Zahra then turned back to look at the Pharaoh and thought back to all that he had discovered by reading Sethe.
"I saw…a fire, in Memphis. And…" Zahra paused when he saw the look that the Pharaoh gave him, one of pure shock and disbelief, "and I saw Suti…along his spine. And I saw…I kept seeing a name. Atemu." Zahra looked over at Sethe. "Who is that? I see it on you all the time."
"That is my name." Zahra redirected his eyes back to the Pharaoh and nodded, not sure of what to say about it. It made sense, since they were family, and seemingly such good friends. Zahra had never seen Sethe acting so pleasant before, and it was a nice change, although he was pretty sure that it would disappear along with the Pharaoh when he left. "That is quite a gift you have. But Zahra," The Pharaoh leaned in closer and looked deep into Zahra's eyes. "I wouldn't tell anyone that you could do that. Let Sethe deal with them, and just help him here in the temple. He spends far too much time alone in the dark these days." Zahra smiled at him, knowing it was the truth, and he smiled back. The Pharaoh then stood up from his seat and took a step back towards the door, looking at Sethe the entire time.
"Leaving so soon? Actually, before you go, there was something that I wanted to ask you." The Pharaoh paused and waited for Sethe to speak again. "Yesterday…when Isis saw into Zahra's future, she said that his future was intertwined with my own. Did she tell you how?"
The Pharaoh nodded his head and smiled strangely, moving towards the doorway once again. "She did. But I'm afraid that I'm not at liberty to tell you what she saw. I will say this, though. It's not just mere coincidence that Zahra came here. What he is alone should tell you that. And I'm glad…" He tilted his head to the side and smiled at the two of them. "I'm glad that Zahra is like you. You're far too lonely for your own good." He turned and walked out the doorway without another word.
"Hmph. Anyway…let's see about this spell. Did you read it?"
Zahra turned to Sethe and chewed his lip nervously. He knew that this had been a long time coming.
"I can't."
"Why not?" Sethe already sounded frustrated. Zahra cringed, but he spoke again.
"I don't know how…" Sethe should have guessed, really. He knew Zahra's past, at least enough of it to know that if he did know how to read it would have been a miracle. Sethe stared at Zahra with an odd expression before closing his eyes and rubbing his forehead with his fingers.
"…I suppose I should have known that. Oh…now what? I can't teach you how to read…that would take forever. Years, at least. But then…I suppose we do have that long, don't we? Do you want to learn how to read?" Zahra nodded his head. He had wanted to, and he'd even tried to learn, but Makiah hadn't known enough to teach him very well. Sethe picked up the book he had been reading and stood up from his chair. "I'll teach you, but not right away. First, we have to do something about that sickness, and I have just the thing. Let's go." Zahra followed Sethe out of the room, wondering if someday he would be able to read just as easily as Sethe did. He hoped so, he'd been more than just a little jealous watching the priest reading everything as though it were nothing at all, and easy as anything. And then perhaps Makiah would never be quite gone from him, not if he learned how to do the thing that Makiah had tried to teach him. It would be like keeping him inside forever, in a strange way, and Zahra couldn't wait to see if he could really do it.
Memphis: An Egyptian city across the Nile and south from Heliopolis. The ancient capital of the old kingdom. Ht-Ki-Pth is it's actual name, but Memphis sounds cooler, and anyway, I burned it to the ground, so it's not like it matters.
Heliopolis: A sacred city dedicated to the worship of solar deities, Heliopolis meaning 'city of the sun' in Greek. Another name I felt would be better left in it's Greek translation, which is much more accessible to the common reader. In Egyptian, it's called Iwnw-on.
Amun-Ra: The king of all the Egyptian gods and creator of all. The Patron deity of every Pharaoh by necessity and not by choice.
Suti: Set, Seth, Setekh, Sut, Sutekh, Suty…you get the picture. One of the very first gods in Egypt, but then just as quickly cast out and made into an adversary as soon as the cult of Asar (Osiris) took the rule of Upper and Lower Egypt as one. Associated with chaos, crazy weather, the red desert and all foreigners and strange looking people.
Neter Maa: Divine Observance, the sight of gods
Shemsu-Suti: A child a Suti; one of Suti's own.
Heka: Magick
Udjat: Another term for the Eye of Heru
Ba: A part of one's soul that can leave the body and take on different forms. This is the same thing that the priests in the memory arc took from people to create the duel monsters.
AN: So...do you like it? Drop me a line if you do. I realize that this has very little to do with Yu-Gi-Oh...but there we are, then. This isn't really about Yu-Gi-Oh, anyway, it's about Sethe and Zahra. Thanks for reading!