Asylum
By Katsuya Kaiba
AN: This story is long.
Zahra knew he was late, and he hoped that Makiah was still up. He'd promised to meet him tonight as soon as he was absolutely sure that no one was still awake, but that had taken much longer than it usually did, due to the party that had taken place in his home that evening. Hopefully, Makiah had heard the noise and would already be aware of the situation…but Zahra was almost there now. He hoisted himself over the wall and landed soundlessly on his feet, crouching in the darkest part of the shadows for a moment and waiting for Makiah to come out from wherever he was hiding. Nothing moved for the longest time, and Zahra grew worried, wondering if perhaps he'd been caught in the alley. But no one ever came around here, not in the night, which was why it was such a convenient place for the two of them to meet.
"…Makiah?" Zahra's whisper was barely even audible to himself, and he knew that if Makiah were out here somewhere, he wouldn't have heard it. Zahra took a chance and stood up from the dark edge of the wall and surveyed the alley, finding nothing in the shadows, save himself. Weird, he thought. Makiah's never the one who's late. It's always me…I wonder if he fell asleep.
There was a strange and sudden noise that came from behind the wall that encircled Makiah's home, and Zahra smiled and walked over to the wall, jumping up as high as he could and catching his hands on the edge. "Makiah…" Zahra spoke a little louder this time, sure that it was his friend who was behind the wall. He lifted himself by his arms, but his grip was a little shaky and his fingernails scratched against the stone in an effort to keep himself up. He managed to lift his chin over the barrier and he looked over it, searching for Makiah and finding him, but not in the way that he had expected.
The odd noise he had heard had been the sound of Makiah's body being drug through the sand by the man who owned him, and as Zahra watched a thought struck him slowly, and his mind desperately tried to catch up and make sense of the realization. The man had Makiah by his feet and was dragging him across the yard, and Zahra watched the way that Makiah's limbs moved in the sand and knew. Nothing that had even a spark of life left in it moved in that manner. Makiah was dead. And Zahra knew exactly who had killed him.
When the man looked up, Zahra realized too late that he had called out Makiah's name, and he let his already shaky grip on the edge of the wall slip and he fell to the dirt, not even feeling the pain in his back as he landed on it hard. He couldn't feel much, not in that moment, and he knew that he had been seen. Knew that the man knew who he was, and knew that he had seen what he was doing. And he knew that Makiah was dead.
Zahra ran. He ran back inside his house, not caring who saw him as he went, and he hid for the rest of the night, until someone came for him in the morning. And when they came, they brought the news that Zahra was to be sold, and Zahra acted surprised, but he wasn't. And he knew that he was dead as well, if he didn't run as soon as he had the chance.
The morning in the shrine went infinitely better then the first, and Zahra was almost relieved to have the Eye back over his own, feeling strangely lost without it. He was tired, having slept restlessly all night with dreams of Makiah, but he concentrated on what Sethe was trying to teach him and he felt that he was learning it all rather quickly. Zahra made it through the entire ritual without even stopping once, and although he did feel a small discomfort when the sun finally rose, he found that it was nothing at all compared to what he had felt the day before. The spell he had worked on the necklace appeared to be done correctly, and he still couldn't believe that he had cast a spell, any spell at all, and one that worked, well…he felt a small amount of pride in that. Zahra managed to annoy Sethe by asking him an endless amount of questions about everything in the shrine, but Sethe answered them all, understanding that Zahra was unfamiliar with nearly every piece of temple knowledge that he had assumed that it was all commonly known. Zahra assured him that it wasn't.
"So then, now what do we do?" Zahra followed Sethe out of the shrine and breathed a small sigh of relief as the remaining discomfort passed on.
"Well, what I normally do is go into the library and study…or write out more of the temple proceedings. Every time I come up with a new spell, I have to write it down in the temple records. Also, any seasonal rituals that I perform have to be recorded as well. But today…you're going to start learning how to write."
Zahra smiled and picked up his pace a bit, feeling excited at the prospect. It would be a lot of hard work, but he wanted this so badly, and it would be something that he could do for Makiah as well as himself. They entered the library and Zahra immediately sat down at the table and waited for Sethe, who was pulling books and materials off of the bookshelves. He brought back the books at first and stacked them on the opposite end of the table, then returned to the shelves and pulled off a wooden box, placing it in front of Zahra along with a stack of paper.
"Open that box…that's got everything you need to write with." Zahra lifted the lid and pulled out a reed and a bottle filled with black powder.
"How am I going to write with this? Doesn't it have to be wet or something?" Sethe had already cracked open his first book, and he glanced up at Zahra and pointed to the other bottle that was still sitting in the box.
"That one's already mixed…here." He put his book down and reached across the table, putting one sheet of paper in front of Zahra and taking the ink out of the box, opening it and dipping the tip of the reed inside. "See? Like that…"
"What should I write?" Zahra hoped that this was easier than it seemed.
"I think that you should just start to practice drawing the different symbols first…I'll show you what they mean later. It takes awhile to get really good at them, but by the time that you are, you'll have them all memorized. Then it's just the matter of teaching you what sounds they make. Oh…hang on." Sethe stood up suddenly and went back over to the bookshelves, searching on a shelf in the far corner. "I think I…here it is." He pulled a book out from the line and walked back across the room, opening it and handing it to Zahra. "Look…" Sethe leaned over and pointed out the list on the page he had opened the book up to. "This is my old workbook…you can copy from this. These here, in the line…practice drawing each one individually."
Zahra nodded and leaned in towards the book, focusing on the symbols. Sethe moved away and sat back down in his own seat, picking his book up and beginning to read once more, glancing up every now and then to see that Zahra was still concentrating. The first thing that Zahra noticed about writing was that it was infinitely harder than looked, and he frowned as he tried to draw what had been a very nice symbol that looked just like a owl. Or at least, it had looked that way in Sethe's perfect penmanship. Zahra wasn't entirely sure what his version resembled, but it wasn't an owl. It looked sort of like a…he couldn't say, honestly, and decided to try the next symbol, then decided to try the third, since the second symbol looked much harder than the owl did.
I don't think that I'll be able to do this…if I can't even draw an owl, there's no way that I can draw people. Not recognizably. Oh…there has to be something on this list that I can draw…wait, those look alright.
'Those' referred to the symbol of water and a few others that weren't much more than squares or abstract shapes, and didn't resemble anything living, which Zahra was grateful for. He'd learned within the last few minutes that he wasn't much of an artist. He drew the first symbol, which was a simple zigzag line, and silently cheered himself on, proud that he hadn't screwed that one up. He practiced it repeatedly and then moved on to the next symbol, which was a square and nothing more. He promised himself that he would try the other ones later, and in the meantime perfected his squares and zigzags relentlessly.
"I'm watching you…I hope you don't plan on practicing those two symbols for the rest of the day." Zahra glanced up, caught, and found Sethe watching him amusedly, eyes barely visibly above his book.
"No…" Zahra could feel his cheeks reddening, but he stumbled his way through it and spoke. "I just…I'm going to go back to those other ones…later." Sethe blinked and then redirected his attention to his book. "What are you reading about?"
Sethe's eyes rose again and caught Zahra's. "I'm trying to find out about you."
Zahra watched as Sethe looked back down again, and couldn't believe that he was going to just leave it at that. "What? What do you mean? Hey!" He waved his hand in front of Sethe's face, who set his book down on the table and sat back in his chair, waiting for another onslaught of questioning. "What are you trying to find out about?"
"Your sight, amongst other things. I'm looking for something that sounds similar…maybe if there was someone else who could do the same things that you can, someone might have written about them. And if I'm not mistaken, I vaguely remember reading about something long ago…I haven't thought about it in years, but I remembered it last night, just before I fell asleep. If I can find that book, I might be able to help you understand the things that you can do. As it is…I there isn't much I can do for you, besides try and guess at what it is that you can do."
Zahra wasn't sure what to say to that. Sethe was serious about this, and he really seemed to be interested in what Zahra was, exactly. It struck Zahra oddly, and he felt the need to ask.
"I don't mean to say something wrong…but…why do you want to help me so much? I appreciate it…I just…never mind." Sethe's face had gone blank and reserved, and Zahra realized that he was most likely overstepping some unforeseen boundary. "Sorry…I –"
"No…it's okay. I've always been…the only one who was this way. I've never met another person who was Shemsu-Suti…and now it seems like everything I've learned about it just isn't…" He leaned his arms against the tabletop and looked at Zahra carefully. "It's not that I was wrong, or that you aren't like me, it's just that you are so much more than I am. I want to know why you can see more than me, because I think that maybe if I find that out, I'll know more about myself."
Sethe is different than he was when I first came to live here…it's only been a few days, but I can see it. He talks more…and he tells me everything. He used to just say what he wanted and then let me figure out the rest on my own. I wonder if it's just because I'm like him, or if it's something else.
"What did you remember reading about?"
"There was this old story from the middle kingdom that I remember reading. I can't recall much of it because I wasn't looking for it at the time, so I skimmed through it. It was about someone who had abilities, and I remember that they were similar to mine, but I can't remember why or how."
"Oh…hey, look at my pictures." Zahra pushed the page across the table, and Seth picked it up by the edge and brought it up to his face, studying Zahra's attempts closely.
"They aren't pictures…and what it this supposed to be?" Sethe snickered and turned the page so that Zahra could see what he was pointing at. "It doesn't even look like anything."
"It's…an owl…stop it!" Sethe was still laughing, and Zahra scowled at him and reached out, ripping the page out of his hands and placing it back on the tabletop in front of him. "You're so mean!" Sethe quieted down and picked up his book again, but sent Zahra a look across the top of the pages.
"Perhaps there is something you can't do."
Zahra picked up his reed and tried it again. He kept practicing each and every symbol, and Sethe kept on reading, and neither of them noticed the time passing until someone cleared their throat in the doorway. Sethe looked up before Zahra did and spoke, and when Zahra heard him he looked up, as well.
"Mahado…hello." Zahra studied the priest who stood in the doorway hesitantly and immediately liked him for a reason that he couldn't fathom. He didn't dare try and read anything on him, just as he hadn't tried to read the Pharaoh when he had been here last. It was something that Zahra didn't want anyone to do to him, so he felt that he shouldn't do it in return, unless he was asked to for some reason. But just by looking at his face and the way that he stood awkwardly as though he felt that he was interrupting something when they were just studying quietly, Zahra knew that he wasn't anything like Isis.
"Sethe…the Pharaoh sent me to speak with you concerning the Akhet and the Ceremony next week." Sethe blinked at Mahado for a moment and then dropped his book on the table in annoyance.
"Oh…I completely forgot about that." Sethe looked at Zahra for awhile and thought to himself before responding. "The Ceremony is on the eight day of the next week, and then…oh…right." He motioned for Mahado to enter the room and then turned to face Zahra. "Zahra…I can't believe that I forgot to tell you this, but I have to leave for a few days next week."
Zahra instantly felt panic within, and he frowned and set his reed down on the table, keeping himself composed in the presence of someone he didn't know. "Why?"
"Next week is the Akhet…and I have to accompany the Pharaoh on his journey to the Nile. I can't take you with me, either…but you'd hate it, anyway. I do…" Zahra's mind was turning as soon as he heard what Sethe had said, and a momentary flash of joy burst in his mind.
"Hey! My birthday is next week! It's the day before the Akhet, every year."
No one said anything to him for a long and silent moment, and Sethe gave him a blank and empty expression before he spoke. "Oh?" He couldn't fool Zahra, however, and Zahra frowned at the change in Sethe.
"What's wrong?" Zahra looked over at Mahado, who wasn't looking at anyone or anything, and he didn't seem to know what Sethe was acting strangely about. Zahra turned back to Sethe, who had cast his eyes down to the table.
"We'll talk about it later. But right now, we have to figure out what we're going to do with you while we're all gone. You can't very well stay here alone, since you haven't been initiated. I absolutely have to go on this trip…ugh, and I don't want Isis in my temple any more than she has to be."
Mahado looked up finally and caught Sethe's eye. "I don't mind staying. I've served here before, and I remember what to do."
Sethe looked over at Zahra and searched his face, looking for something before he agreed. Zahra smiled and nodded, and Sethe turned his head back to Mahado. "I think that would be fine…will the Pharaoh agree to it? He's likely to agree to anything you ask of him." Sethe gave Mahado an awful smirk, but Mahado returned it amiably.
"Maybe…" Mahado was shy; Zahra could see it and he smiled inside. He didn't want Sethe to leave, not at all, but if it was Mahado who would be here instead, Zahra was alright with it.
"You won't be gone long, will you?"
Sethe shook his head. "Only for two days. Just practice your owls while I'm gone. That ought to keep you busy." Zahra frowned and picked up his reed, finished with the conversation. Mahado stood up and nodded at Sethe, leaving without another word.
"Mahado. Wait a moment." Sethe called out to him just as he was walking into the hallway and he paused and turned to face the room. "Will you tell the Pharaoh something for me? Isis hasn't let me get past her for days…" Mahado nodded, and Sethe continued. "Ask him if there's any way that I can keep Zahra out of the Ceremony. I don't want him in there." Mahado waved wordlessly and left the room, nodding at Zahra as he left, who waved back at him cheerfully.
"I like him." Zahra spoke absentmindedly as he drew on his paper. Sethe looked at him for a long moment before speaking, and his voice was filled with curiosity.
"Why?"
Zahra looked up and met Sethe's eyes, shrugging his shoulders and looking out the doorway that Mahado had just walked out. "I don't know…he felt nice."
Sethe nodded. "He is nice…he's awfully quiet, though."
Zahra set his reed down and placed his hands on the table, looking at Sethe squarely. Sethe watched Zahra and waited for whatever was coming. "Why did you look at me like that when I told you when my birthday was?"
Sethe stared at Zahra almost harshly, but it went straight through him, and Zahra knew that Sethe was only trying to come up with the correct way to say what he meant. "Your birthday…is the same day as the Ceremony. The third epigomenal day. And speaking of the Ceremony…you won't be participating. You've only just gotten here, and considering what you are and the amount of time you've had to adjust to that, I know for a fact that you're not ready. I can hardly stand them…it's only because of that spell that I can ever participate myself."
Zahra checked Sethe's neck when he heard the mention of the spell, but saw nothing around it. "Hey, if you did that spell, then where's your necklace?" Sethe reached under the fabric on his neck and pulled out a string of beads just enough so that Zahra could see the blue in them and then let it fall back under his clothes. "Huh…that seems like something that you would do."
Sethe looked at Zahra confusedly. "What does?"
"Hiding your jewelry…" Zahra trailed off and smiled, remembering his thoughts from the previous night. "I bet that you've got all kinds of nice jewelry stashed away somewhere, but you never wear it."
Sethe tilted his head to the side and frowned, more lost than ever. "What brought that on?"
Zahra shrugged. "I was just thinking about it last night. Anyone else in your position would have all sorts of nice things, but you…" Zahra smiled, "…your room is bare, and so are you. I saw a priest one time, he was visiting from another city and he wore the most beautiful things…and he was just a city priest. You're the Kher Heb of the Pharaoh."
"So…? What does it matter? I never go anywhere, except on this awful journey once a year. Why should I waste my time playing dress up? I have much more important things to do." He picked his book back up but he didn't look away from Zahra, waiting for him to respond.
"Oh… well, I guess that's true. I suppose it's just me, then…" Zahra felt as though Sethe might have been irritated by what he'd said, and he tried to explain himself better. "I didn't mean that you should…I was just thinking about myself…when I was younger, I used to pretend that someday I was going to buy all kinds of things like that. Maybe I'm just that way…but if I were you, I'd have spent everything I had by now." Zahra smiled at Sethe who just snorted and went back to reading his book.
Zahra sat alone in the library, halfheartedly practicing his writing, when he felt something strange descend over him, and he sat up and looked at the doorway, not knowing why he did so. Something felt wrong, and it was getting nearer. He stood up from his seat and closed his eyes, and the feeling became stronger, a sensation of anger that washed over him forcefully, and suddenly Sethe walked into the room and paused just inside the doorway.
"What are you doing?" His voice was filled with irritation, and Zahra's eyes widened and he sat down, not sure of what to say.
"I…I felt like something was wrong." Sethe gave him an exasperated look and walked over to the seat next to Zahra's, sitting down angrily.
"Well…that's true. The Pharaoh is insisting that you participate in the Ceremony tomorrow, and he won't even say why." Sethe was angry, and if Zahra had felt it from down the hall, it was nothing compared to how it felt to sit beside Sethe now.
"Is it that bad? What is this ceremony that you keep talking about, and why don't you want me there?"
Sethe sat back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest, staring off into the distance crossly. "It's the Ceremony of Justification…and it's not pleasant, not for us, anyway. I guarantee that it will make you sick, regardless of whether or not you wear that necklace. No…he did say why, now that I think back. He said that you would have to learn about it at some point. He's not even thinking about how new all of this is to you…and if you can't handle it and something does happen to you, everyone will know what you are. All of the priests participate in this ceremony."
Zahra stared at the table, wanting to speak but not sure if he would be able to say anything that wouldn't make Sethe angrier than he already was. "Hey…it's alright, you know. I'll do it if I have to, and I'll be okay. Will you be there?" Sethe nodded, still looking away from Zahra at nothing. "Then I'm sure I'll be fine. Don't worry so much."
Sethe exhaled sharply and then brought his eyes to Zahra's, letting some of the anger fall from his gaze as he did so. "It's more than you can take…I'm almost sure of it. I tried to explain it to him, but he just doesn't understand. He should understand…he knows, he knows what you are. Why is he doing this?"
"He must have some reason. Anyway, it doesn't matter now. I'll go with you to the ceremony, and maybe later he'll explain it to you. I'm sure that he does understand, Sethe. Something more important must be happening." Zahra held his gaze coolly and then tried to change the subject. "Did you find that story you were looking for yet?"
The priest shook his head and reached out for one of the books that were piled on the table, every day growing in height and numbers. Sethe was reading constantly, trying to find something that would help Zahra to better understand what he was, but it was hard since no one, not even Sethe, fully understood that. "No…but I think I'm close. I've narrowed it down to one of these…" Sethe pointed at the pile of books on the tabletop that weren't any less than twenty, "so I'm getting there. It's taking awhile, but I know that when I find it, it will be worth it. I know it." He opened the book in his hands and prepared to read, but then he thought better of it and turned back to Zahra, who had begun to write once more. "How old will you be tomorrow?"
"Seventeen." Sethe stared thoughtfully for a moment, but then shook his head and looked back to his book. "Huh…I thought you were older…you don't act seventeen."
Zahra dipped the end of his reed in the ink. "I don't feel seventeen, either. After everything that's happened to me, I feel like I'm forty." Sethe smirked at his comment, and Zahra turned to look at him again. "How old are you?"
"At the end of this year, I'll be twenty-two." Zahra nodded, he'd guessed that the priest was at least a few years older then he was, especially since he was a priest. It had to take a long time to train for such a position, and Sethe was very good at what he did.
"Sethe…I'm not very good at writing." Sethe glanced down at the sheet of paper in front of Zahra and cringed.
"No…you're not."
"So, I was thinking…maybe I could learn more about Heka instead." Zahra held his breath and waited for Sethe's initial reaction. Ever since Zahra had cast that spell, he'd been dying to see what else he was able to do, and since Sethe was a sorcerer, there wasn't anyone better to teach him. But he'd been afraid to ask, not sure of what Sethe would say. He'd assumed that Sethe wouldn't mind, but there really was no way to tell what Sethe was thinking all of the time. Especially since Zahra refused to look inside his mind ever since he had decided that it was bad manners, and if Sethe wanted Zahra to know a thing he always told him right away.
The silence was short, but it was long enough for Zahra to grow worried and turn his head to the side to look at Sethe's face. He hadn't looked away from his book, but Zahra watched his eyes and saw that they weren't reading the text on the page, and instead they looked lost in thought. "Do you really want to?"
"Yes. I liked it…I was scared at first, but now that I think about it, I think that I want to learn how to do it well, like you can."
Sethe looked over at Zahra and then looked down, thinking it through carefully. "If you really want to, then I suppose I can teach you. But honestly…I'm hesitant. I have no idea what you're capable of, and Heka isn't something to play with. I'm not saying that you will, I just…you could really hurt yourself, and you might be able to do much worse than that…" He frowned at the table and then looked back down at his book, settling the matter in his mind. "We'll take it slow…when I get back from the Akhet I'll teach you some basic things, and if everything goes well, we'll continue."
Zahra smiled and then went back to his writing. "So, then, do I still have to learn how to read?"
"How can you write a spell if you can't read it?" Zahra's head fell, he'd been doing terribly at his writing, and Sethe's efforts to help him had all been in vain. It was as though the very act of writing was against Zahra and was making things impossibly difficult, but he dipped the reed in the ink and kept going, determined not to quit. He'd given up once before, but that was a long time ago, and he wasn't the same anymore.
Zahra stood impossibly close to Sethe, being unused to seeing so many people gathered in the temple at once. It was only Sethe, Zahra, and the other five priests, but the room that Sethe had selected wasn't as large as some of the other rooms in the temple, and while it wasn't cramped there wasn't a lot of room for distancing himself. Isis had given Zahra a huge smile when she first came in, and Zahra had smiled back at her, but his opinion of her had changed drastically since he'd read into her thoughts and found that she hated Sethe for no other reason that simply what he was and couldn't help but be. Mahado had come early to help Sethe get the room ready, and the smile that Zahra had given him had been far more genuine, and Mahado had given him a small smile in return. The other three priests Zahra had never met before and they paid him little attention, which was fine with Zahra since he was glued to Sethe's side, anyhow, and didn't much feel like socializing. He was scared, mostly because of Sethe's apprehension over Zahra's participation today, but he had promised Sethe that he would do his best and he was determined to follow through. Whatever it was, it couldn't be that hard.
Anyway, today was Zahra's birthday, and nothing could pull his mood down from its elevated height. He had been even more cheerful than usual, despite what he knew would happen later on in the afternoon, and now that it was here he still didn't want it to ruin his day, and he smiled at everyone in the room as he followed Sethe from one end to the other, making sure that everything was ready for the ceremony. Isis had been the one chosen to read the ritual aloud, and everyone else had small roles that even Zahra could accomplish easily, but Zahra himself had been given no task, and instead was instructed by Sethe to stay as close to him as he could for the entire ritual. When everyone appeared to be ready Sethe paused and leaned down close to Zahra and whispered in his ear.
"You're wearing your necklace?" Zahra nodded his head and touched it through his clothes, since Sethe had advised him to wear it so that no one could see it. "Good…just stay close, then." Zahra nodded again and looked up at the front of the room as Isis cleared her throat. She seemed impatient, and tried to get everyone's attention so that the ritual could begin.
"Sethe…are we ready?" Isis called over to Sethe from across the room, and Sethe nodded at her, looking bored. Zahra had to muffle a laugh at the way Sethe looked at Isis, but she began the ritual moments later and he forgot about his laughter and watched as everyone came together around the table in the center of the room, Isis being the only one standing behind it and facing the group, a large book in her hands. Sethe moved forward as well, but he hung back a bit and he and Zahra stood slightly behind the other priests, watching the proceedings. Sethe leaned over to the side and whispered in Zahra's ear.
"We basically have to stand back and watch them perform it…I divided up the parts of the ritual between all of them, so all you need to do is be present. I know that you're sensitive to thoughts and feelings, but try not to hear any of theirs, at least not today."
"Then let's begin." Isis was loud, and her voice carried well across the room, so Zahra could hear everything she was saying quite clearly. She seemed to like being in control, and she gave the directions for the ritual in a commanding tone. The table that lay between Isis and the group wasn't visible to Zahra since he was far shorter than anyone else in the room, but he stood on his tiptoes and looked between shoulders, seeing nothing and instead focusing his eyes on Sethe's face. Sethe was staring coldly at Isis and looked as though he was steeling himself against something, and Zahra followed his line of sight and watched as Isis began the ritual.
"On this, the Third Epigomenal Day, the anniversary of the birth of Suti, the followers of Amun-Ra are justified in witnessing the downfall of Suti and his followers." Isis looked from her text and focused on Mahado's face. "Begin purifying the sacred space." Mahado immediately moved at her command and Zahra watched as he worked with something on the table, not being able to see far enough over his shoulder but knowing that he must be lighting the incense. The second that Isis had begun to speak Zahra had felt his stomach drop harshly, and a number of different thoughts hit him all at once, but the strongest one beat them out and held fast, and Zahra glanced up at Sethe, who was watching the proceedings.
The anniversary of the birth of Suti…it can't be…Sethe would have said something, wouldn't he? He knew that today was my birthday…I bet that's why he acted so strangely when he found out…he knew it all along. Zahra frowned, wondering why Sethe would have kept it from him, but Isis continued with the ritual and Zahra listened to her as she read the text from the book, wondering just what it was that everyone had come here to do. Zahra saw smoke rising from behind the line of priests in front of him, and it wasn't a scent that he remembered ever using with Sethe, but the color of this smoke was different, at least in his eyes. He knew that to the rest of the priests and perhaps even Sethe, the smoke would assume it's usual charcoal shade, but Zahra could see the tone behind the gray, and this one was the purest light gold, looking very nearly like lost and wandering sunlight. It was beautiful, and Zahra smiled as he watched it climb into the highest reaches of the room and then drift slowly out to the far corners, and while it moved Isis spoke once again.
"Pour the oil and anoint the followers of Amun-Ra." Another priest, one that Zahra didn't know, moved to the middle of the table and as he did the other priests stepped back and formed a line, and Zahra felt a sudden push on his back and turned around.
"Go." Sethe pointed to the end of the line and stared at Zahra, waiting for him to move. Zahra took a step and then noticed that Sethe wasn't following him, and he looked back questioningly. Sethe only shook his head and motioned for him to go foreword, and Zahra turned his head and looked in front of him, seeing that he was next, and the last person left. Mahado stepped to the side after a moment and then Zahra looked up at the man who had been given the task of anointing, and then had to bite his tongue in order to keep his face steady. This priest was older, far older than anyone else in the palace, but what had caught Zahra off-guard was the fact that he only had one real eye, and the other had been replaced by one made entirely of gold. Zahra hadn't been expecting that, and he looked down as the priest quickly brushed Zahra's forehead with the oil on the table and then hurriedly walked back to where Sethe was waiting, only a few feet behind where the other priests had once again gathered around the table closely. They blocked Zahra's view once more, but he focused instead on Isis's face, who still stood on the other side of the table and faced the group.
"The seal of Amun-Ra is broken, and the protector of Egypt is among us.
Brightly he shines, the Golden One,
Hail, Amun-Ra, ruler of the Sun.
Justified is Heru against Suti and his followers.
Justified is Amun-Ra against Suti and his followers.
His crime has been put before Amun-Ra and the council.
The damage he has caused has been reported to the gods.
They make public the grief he has caused.
They report the injury he has committed.
They deliver him to the Devourer."
Zahra, while listening to the litany, felt something akin to a shadow cross his face and his heart, and he began to feel as though the room was becoming far too small to hold all these people. It hadn't bothered him until Isis had begun with the reading, but as he listened to the words a sudden bout of panic crossed his mind, and he looked up at Sethe's face, which was calm and collected, and Zahra breathed out, knowing that if Sethe looked fine, then this was most likely supposed to happen. Zahra had been expecting to feel the same way he did in the shrine, but this felt nothing like that. This was a different sort of hurt…almost emotional. In the main shrine he hadn't felt much more than a stifling need to get as far away from the room a possible, but he felt much differently about this. It wasn't unbearable, though, and he redirected his attention on Isis, hoping that it wouldn't get any worse. She had paused in her reading to turn the page, but now she began to recite again.
"Suti's misdeeds in Egypt are those:
He has committed sacrilege against the space of Ius-aAs.
He has trespassed into the land of the Goddess of the West.
He has organized a slaughter of the people of Busiris.
And now, against the will of Amun-Ra he has become evil and stepped outside the prescribed path,
By turning his back on the Black Land."
Zahra, becoming more and more lost with every line Isis recited, glanced up at Sethe to see if he was listening. He was, but he was only staring coolly, and Zahra wondered what it was that Isis was talking about. That didn't sound anything like the story that Sethe had told to Zahra, but Sethe had also said that the tale had changed.
Changed…more like rewritten. None of that is even similar. I wonder if any of it is true…
Zahra's thoughts began to grow heavy, and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, feeling suddenly sad without knowing why. Nothing was wrong, and he knew that for a fact, and tried to push the feeling back down again.
"The King of Thieves, the ruler of deceit, the leader of criminals,
The One who conceived the Lord of Red, the creature of destruction and chaos,
Who destroyed the sacred city of Memphis,
He is banished to the Red Lands."
What…? Memphis? Zahra looked up at Sethe quickly, remembering what he'd seen on his skin days ago. Did Suti…? No… Zahra nudged Sethe in his side, but he only shook his head and kept his eyes on Isis, and Zahra left him alone. It couldn't be.
"You shall not be. Your name shall not be. Your power shall not be.
You shall not approach Egypt. You shall die in the circle of foreign lands." Isis looked up from the book and spoke to another one of the priests. "Bring the sinew of the red cow and the clay of Suti forward."
Zahra instantly had an awful feeling about what the priests were doing next, and he felt Sethe move slightly closer, stepping over with one foot so that their sides were touching barely, and Zahra knew that this was the part that Sethe had been worried about. Zahra lifted himself up on his toes and tried to see between the priests, but they were collectively working on something and after a moment he fell back flat on his feet in surprise. He felt bound somehow, as though something was tightening in his chest, and the pressure increased by the second and became painful very quickly, but it never subsided. Instead it leveled off and remained, and Zahra cringed through it, feeling both physical pain and an emotional ache that was steadily rising within, over absolutely nothing.
"Bind Suti to the Red Lands." Isis's voice echoed in Zahra's mind, and it seemed to be louder than it was before. Zahra wished that he could see what was happening because whatever the priests were doing was affecting him deeply, and he shut his eyes briefly and breathed through the pain, not sure where it hurt inside of him but feeling it anyway. He kept his mouth closed, afraid that he might make a noise if he wasn't careful.
"Come Amun-Ra, and behold.
Heru has felled your enemy for you.
Suti and his following are ruined.
This is for Amun-Ra and his Ka."
A tearing pain slashed through Zahra's mind and he sucked in his breath between his teeth, grinding them together and clamping down on his voice, hoping that he hadn't made too much noise. Mahado glanced back briefly and met Zahra's eyes, but Zahra looked away and Mahado did the same after a moment. He looked up at Sethe, who was watching him warily, and then he let his eyes wander back to Isis, focusing on her as the harshness of the pain subsided slowly, leaving behind a gaping wound that felt as though it were directly in the center of his heart, and more than anything he wanted to cry, for everything and nothing.
"This is for the Pharaoh and his Ka. The enemy has fallen."
Zahra gasped and impulsively reached out and grabbed at Sethe, catching his hand in the fabric of his clothes and gripping them tightly to hold himself up through the wave of dizziness and torment that fell in his mind. Sethe immediately caught Zahra and lifted him up silently by his arms, and Zahra pressed his face into the priest's side and held on to him as best he could, but Sethe had been right, he couldn't do this… He couldn't even think straight, and he hoped that he hadn't attracted too much attention. Zahra didn't remember crying out, but even if he had, he might not have noticed. He listened as the ritual continued behind him and sighed soundlessly, feeling relief in the back of his mind that they hadn't noticed him.
"This is for Heru and his Eye. May Heru rise and Suti fall."
No…I can't do this… Zahra's face, he realized, was wet with tears, and he wasn't sure how long he'd been crying for but he didn't care, it hurt so much and he felt so lost and empty, but Sethe only held on to Zahra tighter and remained silent. Another surge of grief and pain set in, and Zahra pressed his face against Sethe's chest and froze, feeling the ends of his mind begin to break free of something, and he knew then that it was too late, and he couldn't help what was going to happen next. It rose from him unbidden and suddenly, but he could feel it as it went and didn't try to stop it, not knowing how and too afraid and hurt to care. He only wanted out, out of this room and away from this horrible ritual, and he could feel that Sethe felt the exact same way.
A loud crack sounded through the room and echoed off the walls, and Zahra could feel that he'd done something, but he didn't know what it was. Sethe jumped slightly but he didn't let go, and Zahra lifted his face and looked at Sethe and whispered. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" Sethe blinked and then let Zahra go, which was alright because the pain that he had felt had disappeared the instant that the noise had sounded. Zahra rubbed at his eyes watched as Sethe stepped forward, wiping away the tears, and as he looked at the priests he realized that they were all frozen in fear and staring down at the table.
"It's broken…" One of them spoke aloud, trailing off into silence. Isis, who had been stunned silent for a moment, regained control over her voice and frowned, speaking loudly.
"What happened…who broke it?" She looked at all of them and waited, but no one spoke. Sethe, who had pushed his way forward to the front of the table, stared quietly and then turned back and looked at Zahra. Zahra stared back regretfully and hoped that Sethe wasn't angry, but there wasn't anything that he could have done to stop it, whatever it was. Sethe walked away from the table and came back to where Zahra stood, his face covered with a mask of indifference. Zahra felt that he wasn't upset, but he was nervous, and he knew that he had made a mistake.
"No one broke it…it just shattered…" Mahado offered an explanation to Isis, who was still staring impatiently at the priests directly surrounding the table.
"On it's own?" She sounded angry, and Zahra watched as her line of sight went past the priests at the table and immediately fell on Sethe. Zahra looked up at Sethe's face and saw that he was glaring angrily back, and he stepped slightly in front of Zahra and spoke.
"I did nothing…now finish your ceremony." Isis opened her mouth to speak, but she thought better of it and reopened her book and continued reading the remainder of the ritual. The other priests fell back into the ceremony eventually, and then Sethe pulled Zahra aside and leaned over, whispering in his ear.
"Go and wait for me in my room." Zahra blinked, feeling panicked at the sound of Sethe's voice. He reached out and grabbed Sethe's shoulder as he was standing back up, and he paused and waited for Zahra to speak.
"Are you mad?" Sethe shook his head and pushed him lightly towards the doorway, and Zahra all but ran out of the room and down the hall, knowing the way to Sethe's room easily from where he was. Even though Sethe had said he wasn't mad, Zahra still felt awful about what he'd done, regardless of whether or not he could have done anything to stop it. When he reached Sethe's room he flung himself down on the bed, overwhelmed with a horrible mess of emotions and leftover discomfort. The pain was gone but a shadow of it remained in his mind, like emotional welts, and he fought the tears that threatened to rise once again.
Maybe Sethe was right about me, about learning Heka. That was what that was, I'm sure of it, and I couldn't control it. There was no way; I was in too much pain to fight it. I hope that Sethe isn't angry with me…I told him that I would be alright. I guess I didn't know what I was talking about. But that pain…I've never felt anything like it before. It was nothing like the shrine, this was…
He lay on his stomach and let his mind go, trying to think of what he could say to Sethe when he came for him. There wasn't much he could say; he didn't know how he did it, only that that he was the one responsible for breaking whatever it was that had shattered suddenly. How had he done that…? Zahra wanted to cry, but he held it in and kept his lips pressed together, refusing to give in and be weak when he knew that Sethe couldn't carry all of this for him. He could try, but Zahra didn't want that. Sethe had more than enough problems, and now he was trying to take on full responsibility for Zahra's, or so it seemed. But what would Zahra do if Sethe were not there? He didn't even want to imagine that. He flipped himself over and lay on his back, knowing that without Sethe he was lost and feeling guilty for it, for burdening him with so much. If only Zahra knew what he was, or could at least control what he was, then everything would be so much easier. But he didn't…and there was no way for him to know something like that. If Sethe didn't know, then no one did. It was hopeless. Zahra needed Sethe, and couldn't do a thing about it. If there were something that he could do for Sethe in return, then perhaps things wouldn't be so awful… But Zahra knew that he had nothing to offer, not even the simple act of staying out of Sethe's way.
AN: All will be revealed in time. Yes. Ooohh….thank you very much for all the very nice reviews. I'm very glad that everyone is enjoying this, perhaps even as much as I am. And yes, it does touch on certain points in Yu-Gi-Oh, but as Largo-sensei pointed out, at least there is no Anzu. I think that is something we can all appreciate. Anyway, let me know it you are enjoying the story, and if you are confused about anything just let me know, and I'll try to clear things up. Bye!