Asylum

By Katsuya Kaiba

AN: Just...tell me how it makes you feel. That's all I want to know.

Sethe peered at the page that Zahra was showing him. "Well…you're getting better. And it looks like you've memorized their meanings. Do you want to start writing some words?" Zahra nodded and smiled, glad that his constant efforts weren't entirely fruitless. He'd been practicing his writing nearly every day for almost two months now, and that was only trying to make his symbols recognizable. Zahra had memorized their meanings long ago, and now that Sethe evidently thought his penmanship improved enough, he was finally going to be able to use what he'd learned.

"Show me how to write my name." Zahra had a vague idea of which symbols that he would need to use, but Sethe hadn't ever taught him how to place them or which ones went where, not to mention where the determinative fit into the mix. Sethe smirked lightly and moved his chair over so that the legs of their chairs were touching, and he took the reed and the paper from Zahra and placed the page on the tabletop between them. Zahra watched as Sethe grinned to himself and frowned, wondering what he thought was so funny about his request.

Come to think of it…this is exactly how he reacted the last time I mentioned my name, when Isis asked me what it was. I told her and he laughed…

"What are you smiling about?" Zahra demanded, and Sethe didn't meet his gaze and instead dipped the reed tip into the ink.

"Nothing…here, first you take this symbol and you-"

"No, tell me. Every time I talk about my name you laugh, and I want to know why." Zahra wasn't angry, but he was a bit irritated that Sethe thought that was funny, too, his mentioning of the situation, and he grabbed the reed from Sethe's hand and held it away.

"It isn't anything, really. Here, give me that." Sethe reached out to take the reed back, but Zahra held it too far from his hand and Sethe sat back, knowing from the look on Zahra's face that he had lost. "It's just that…Zahra is a girl's name."

Zahra scoffed. "No, it isn't!"

"It sure is. See…look. The determinative in that name is a woman. It has to be…no other symbols make that sound." Zahra scanned through the different determinatives on his sheet and sure enough, Sethe was right. Zahra was horrified at first, but then he got angry as Sethe began laughing once again.

"It's not my fault." Zahra crossed his arms and slumped down in his chair. "What were my parents thinking?"

"Your parents didn't know how to read. That's all it is…and it doesn't even make much difference, not unless you're writing it out."

"Then why do you think it's so funny?"

"Because it is." Zahra scowled, half angry and half something undetermined, and he unhappily stuck the reed at Sethe. "Here…watch. I'll write it out first with you watching, and then you can try it on your own." Zahra forgot about his irritation and watched as Sethe spelled out his name, leaning over and resting his head against Sethe's arm as he watched. Sethe didn't respond, for Zahra did it often, and he was used to it but he spoke as he drew.

"You aren't really angry, are you?" His voice was much quieter than it had been moments ago, and to Zahra it sounded almost hesitant.

"No…" Zahra looked up at Sethe without moving his head and grinned widely. He wasn't, not really. It was too hard to be angry with Sethe for more than a few moments. Zahra was distracted suddenly by an odd feeling that pulled his attention elsewhere, and he looked up and saw Isis standing in the doorway to the library, watching Zahra and Sethe with an unreadable expression. Zahra sat up quickly, and Sethe looked over at him to see what had chased him away, but he saw what Zahra was looking at and his eyes narrowed immediately.

"What?" Sethe's voice was low but it wasn't at all quiet, and Zahra had nearly forgotten the way that he sounded when he spoke that way. Sethe never used that tone with Zahra, and it had been awhile since they had seen anyone besides one another inside the temple. The feel of Sethe beside him changed as well, and the way that Zahra could hear him silently wasn't nearly as receptive as he had been moments ago. Zahra settled for a passive look, not wanting to make any enemies, but not entirely comfortable with Isis in the room, either.

"I'm not here to see you, Sethe, so don't bother. I want to speak with Zahra."

Zahra blinked nervously at her, and then looked over at Sethe to see what he would say. Zahra hadn't any idea of what she might need to talk to him about, but he didn't really want to, and he hoped that Sethe might be able to chase her away for him.

"What could you possibly have to say to him?"

She stepped into the room and moved towards the table, pausing when she was within a few feet of the two. "Sethe, I have to speak with Zahra…not you. What I have to say to him is none of your concern." Her tone was harsh, but Zahra closed his eyes and nearly groaned out loud at her words, knowing exactly what sort of reaction that Sethe would have to what she had said. He braced himself just in time as a flood of rage came from beside him, and Sethe stood up in his chair. Zahra wondered if it really was worth it to wear the eye all of the time.

"None of my concern? You forget your place. This is my temple, and I want you out of it."

"I'll leave just as soon as I speak with Zahra…alone," she added pointedly. Zahra watched her as she spoke to Sethe, defiant and unafraid, and he began to wonder about just what it was that she wanted from him. Evidently she didn't think that he would tell Sethe what she was going to say, and she was mistaken. Perhaps Zahra could do something for Sethe, after all.

"Isis, if you don't walk out that-"

"Sethe…" Zahra stood up and turned to face him, and he paused and glanced down quickly, still looking angry as ever, but Zahra knew it wasn't for him. "It's alright."

Sethe blinked, then frowned and spoke, sounding both angry and confused. "What?" Zahra smiled softly and grabbed on Sethe's sleeve, trying to pull him towards the doorway. Sethe wouldn't move, but he calmed down a bit and lowered his voice. "I'm not leaving."

"Yes, you are…" Zahra pulled harder and Sethe watched him evenly, knowing that Zahra's strength wasn't even one tenth of his own. "Come on, Sethe…please?" Zahra turned his eyebrows upward and pleaded with his eyes, and Sethe instantly began to crack, not moving but changing his tone from confused to sullen acceptance.

"But why?" Zahra glanced over at Isis and smiled brightly, knowing that she would hear what he was about to say and not wanting her to think that he meant it. He did…but she didn't have to know.

"Because she won't leave until I talk to her. So I'm going to talk to her. Don't worry…just go." Sethe stared at Zahra as he was led begrudgingly out of the room and into the hallway, and Zahra leaned in and gave Sethe a quick hug. Sethe dazedly returned it, wondering how he'd been tricked into leaving, but Zahra only smiled and gave him a push down the hallway.

"Just wait for me in your room. Okay?" Zahra waved and then disappeared back into the library. He hung by the door for awhile until he was sure that Sethe was gone, and then he turned back to Isis and smiled at her, sitting back down in his chair. She came and sat across from him and placed her hands on the tabletop. She didn't say anything at first, and Zahra watched her anxiously, still feeling a bit nervous about what she might have to say to him, but he tried to look relaxed and he sat back against the chair, flipping a few strands of hair around his fingertips.

"Zahra…thanks for helping me with Sethe." Isis gazed at Zahra deeply and Zahra grinned and nodded. "He listens to you…doesn't he?"

Zahra wasn't sure how to answer that. What did she mean by it? "He…he does listen to me…I think. Why?"

Isis shook her head. "Just an observation. I know I'm not around the temple very much, but it's better that way. It's not something that I wish to see, not since it was given to Sethe."

"Why?" She sounded regretful, and Zahra was curious. He felt something from her that wasn't exactly malicious, but it wasn't too friendly either. It was a feeling of…betrayal, perhaps. She watched Zahra with a close eye, and Zahra pulled back into himself, hoping that she hadn't somehow felt him listen like that.

"I'm sure that you know what he is…right?" Zahra nodded, knowing what she meant but also realizing that she still had not seen that Zahra himself was the same thing. "It's ridiculous…for someone like him to live here, and to put him in charge of the shrine, well…that is just plain foolishness."

"Sethe does what he's supposed to do…and he always does a good job." Zahra kept his tone even and plain, trying not to sound as though he was contradicting her. He didn't like anything about her, but more than anything he didn't want to make any more messes, and if Isis were upset with him, it would just be one more thing for Sethe to have to deal with.

"That's not what I mean…I'm sure that he does." She looked at him oddly for a moment, as though she meant to say something more, but then she dropped her eyes and changed the subject entirely.

"So…I hope that Sethe is treating you well. It certainly looks that way…" She grinned at him humorously and reached out, tugging on his bracelet teasingly. Zahra smiled brightly back, always cheerful when he was asked about his jewelry, and he fingered one of the bracelets as he spoke.

"He's fine…he gave me these for my birthday…see?" He pointed under the table and showed off his anklets, and she bent over and looked as he lifted his leg slightly. "I didn't even ask him for anything, he just brought them back. He got them during the Akhet." Zahra felt much more comfortable than he had felt earlier, and he forgot about his previous anxiety. "And he brought me henna, and indigo…but look, I have to put more in my hair. I can't believe it's already been…how long has it been since the Akhet? A month and a half? Maybe more…" He caught himself and realized that he was most likely going on about it for too long, and he laid his hands face down on the table and silenced himself. He was used to being able to babble on however long he wanted to, and Sethe would usually nod at all the correct intervals. But Isis only watched him closely as he spoke, and he remembered that this was not Sethe, and that he should probably keep quiet and hear what she had come to say.

"Yes, I remember…he never spoke to me directly, but I overheard a good deal of his conversations with the Pharaoh. You were all that he wished to speak of." Zahra looked at the tabletop, unsure of what to say, but feeling warm inside for the idea. "It seems that he thinks much of you." Isis spoke with her eyes on Zahra's, and Zahra stared back uncertainly. What was she saying?

"He's…he…what?"

Isis folded her fingers together on the table and stared hard. "I came here today because of what I saw when I looked into your future. Much of what I saw, I did not understand, but what I came to tell you today I am sure of, even more so now that time has passed. But things are different than they were months ago."

"Different how?"

Isis sat back in her chair slightly. "Zahra…how much longer do you think you'll be staying here?"

Zahra froze, not at all expecting a question like that one. "I…thought it was for…always."

Isis shook her head. "Not if Sethe keeps causing problems like he did in the Ceremony of Justification. The Pharaoh hasn't said a word, but I know that he's thinking twice about his decision to let Sethe have the temple when he took the throne. And since you belong to Sethe…technically…when the Pharaoh throws him out, you'll go right along with him."

"But…the Pharaoh wouldn't do that…would he?" Zahra was honestly scared at that point, knowing that if what Isis spoke of was true, than it would really be his fault and not Sethe's.

"The Pharaoh should do it, but whether he will or not remains to be seen. That's why I'm warning you now. If he loses his position, he'll have nowhere left to go but the Red Lands…which is where he belongs in the first place. Is that where you want to end up?"

"Well, I…I don't know." Zahra began to wish that he had never asked Sethe to leave. She had somehow gotten him tangled up in her words, and he was frightened of what she was saying, but at the same time he wasn't sure if he should even listen to her or not. "I suppose not." What could he say? He had to play as though he weren't Shemsu-Suti. If she were to find out, there was no telling what might happen to him or Sethe, and he made up his mind to stay strong and pretend as though he was what she was. He still wasn't quite sure what she was after.

"Zahra…I want to help you. I know how much you like it here, and I want you to stay. I hear that you've been a great help to Sethe in the shrine, and I'll need someone like you if I ever have to take over this temple. If you want…I can arrange it so that if Sethe ever has to leave, for whatever reason, you'll be able to stay here with me."

He stared at her, unable to look anything but shocked at her proposal. Someone like me…she really doesn't know. Is she doing this because she really wants to help me, or is she just trying to hurt Sethe more? Oh…what should I say? I can't let her find out.

"I…" Zahra swallowed and tried again, staring at his hands so that she couldn't see the alarm in his eyes. "I…don't know. Let me think about it…please." Zahra looked up and smiled as best he could, and she smiled back, and it didn't look as though she suspected anything was wrong.

"Then think about it, and let me know your decision when you come to it." She pushed herself up from her seat and walked towards the door. Zahra watched her go, waiting until she was gone to stand up, but she turned to him and gave him a strange look, and she spoke once more just as she was walking out the door.

"I know that you plan to tell him everything I've said today…but I know you won't tell him this. Sethe is in love with you…I saw it in your future and I saw it in him today. But don't base your decision on that…not unless you want him to pull you down along with him. There isn't any future for someone like that. Not in Egypt." She was gone.

Zahra sat in silence for a very long time, or for what seemed like a long time to him. He picked at his nails absentmindedly, knowing that eventually he would have to get up and go to see Sethe, and he would have to tell him what Isis had said. But Isis had been right…and Zahra was not going to tell him the last thing that she had said. He was angry with her now, for telling him something that she should have left to Sethe to say on his own.

I knew that…I've known it for a long time. I only wanted him to tell me for himself…and I certainly didn't want to hear it from her. But she is right about one thing…even if she doesn't know it herself. What happened at that ceremony only made things worse for Sethe…and it's my fault, not his. There isn't any way to be sure that it won't happen again. Even if it's next year's ceremony, it will happen eventually. And he'll take the blame, no doubt…or at least he'll hide the fact that I'm being blamed for something. He'll do anything at all, if it means that I don't have to suffer. I…I see it. It's written all over his face. There wasn't any way for him to hide it from me, and I couldn't help but look. It's just what I wanted to see.

Zahra made his way slowly to the bedroom and found Sethe pacing madly, noting quietly that he had thought of it as 'the' bedroom and not 'his' bedroom, and it felt familiar in his mind. He wondered how long ago that had set in.

"That took forever. What did she say to you? Did you let her use that necklace on you?" Zahra shook his head, and went to sit on the bed. He wasn't sure exactly how he wanted to tell Sethe about Isis's idea, but he knew that no matter how he presented the matter, Sethe wasn't going to like it. Not one bit. Sethe didn't come to sit on the bed and instead stood in front of Zahra impatiently.

"Don't ever let her into your mind like that…you couldn't help it before, but don't let her do it again." Sethe still sounded angry, but Zahra ignored it and wondered why Sethe had said that first thing.

"Why not?"

"There isn't any way to know which future she's looking for. I wouldn't ever let anyone into my mind…especially Isis." Sethe finally sat down on the bed next to Zahra and laid his hands on his lap.

"You let me into yours…when you had that dream."

"That…is completely different."

Zahra thought quietly, and decided to change the subject. "She told me that she thinks the Pharaoh might force you to leave." He bit his bottom lip and waited for the outburst that he thought was coming, but Sethe only exploded into disdainful laughter. Zahra glanced up quickly and saw that Sethe honestly did not believe her claim.

"That's ridiculous. She's only trying to use you to scare me. Is that all?"

"No…she asked me…she told me that…if you leave, I would have to go with you. But she said that if I wanted to stay with her, she would keep me…but she didn't say how. She said that she would arrange for it." Sethe's eyes widened slightly, and then narrowed even further. He looked down to the ground and was silent for a few moments, and when he spoke again his voice was much quieter.

"What did you tell her?"

"I…I didn't want her to think that I was like you, but I didn't want to tell her yes. I said that I would think about it."

Sethe nodded slightly, but then he blinked and glanced up at Zahra suddenly, as though he had just thought of something. "What else did she say?" Sethe stared directly at Zahra, and Zahra looked at Sethe evenly, glad that Sethe couldn't see in him the way he could see in Sethe.

"Nothing…she said that you would be sent to the Red Lands, if you were sent away."

Sethe scoffed at that. "I wonder if there's any truth to that. But it doesn't matter…it doesn't matter what she's trying to take from me. She won't have any of it." He set his face solidly and looked back up at Zahra. "Do you still feel like writing?"

"Mmm…I don't know. We've still got hours left before we have to seal the shrine, and I don't want to spend the entire day in the library." Zahra fell back against the bed and stared up at the ceiling, thinking about the last thing that Isis had said to him. "No…let's just stay here for a minute."

"And do what?"

Zahra looked over at Sethe and winced, wondering just how he was able to be so motivated, then rolled over onto his side. "We don't always have to be doing something. We could do nothing."

"But…there's so much that I need to do." Sethe looked at Zahra worriedly, knowing that Zahra would have his way in the end and Sethe would be forced to go along with whatever it was. Zahra reached out and pulled on Sethe's arm, and Sethe followed his direction and fell down on his side, lying on the bed and facing Zahra. They lay side by side for a few moments in silence before Zahra spoke again.

"It will be there tomorrow. Everything that you need to do will always need to be done. So just stop, just for a moment. Please…?" Zahra held his gaze with Sethe and Sethe nodded slightly in agreement. Sethe had fallen just beside Zahra, and there wasn't much space between the two of them.

"I still haven't found that story…the one I told you about. And I still can't remember what it was about. It was just…there was something about you that made me remember it, after all this time." Zahra smiled quietly and moved his hand a bit, resting his fingers in Sethe's dusty bangs and brushing them out of his eyes. Sethe's bangs were longer than they had been when Zahra had first come to the temple, and now they hung just slightly past his nose. Now that his hair was out of the way Zahra could clearly see the blue in his eyes, and he stared for a moment, thinking about the fire.

We never talked about it…his dream, or what happened to him. He knows that I was there, watching him…so I thought that he would bring it up when he was ready. But it's been weeks, and still nothing. I still won't say anything. Maybe he won't ever want to talk about it. I'm just glad that he wasn't angry…although I can't remember a time that Sethe was every angry with me…ever since he knew that I was Shemsu-Suti. I'm done…maybe it's just the way that she said it…or maybe it's just that I've never heard it spoken…but I don't want to go on like this.

Zahra closed his eyes and took the shakiest of breaths, and it didn't even help. "Sethe…?"

"Hmm?"

Zahra's lids slid open and he pinned Sethe's blue eyes with his own. "If I wasn't Shemsu-Suti, would you still love me?"

Nothing at all moved or changed on Sethe's face, and Zahra was worried that perhaps he'd said the wrong thing, but it couldn't have been the wrong thing because it was exactly what he needed to know. Sethe seemed frozen in place, but then something moved behind his eyes and they closed slowly.

"…Yes."

Zahra smiled, feeling everything as it should have been, everything the way he meant for it to be. As it had been, only infinitely better. He sat up on the bed, feeling as though he needed to move or do something to alleviate the nervousness that he could feel, both from himself and from Sethe, and he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and watched as Sethe sat up as well. They were still facing one another, and Sethe had a tired and despondent look to his face as he leaned in slowly, looking almost lost. Zahra didn't move or speak and simply sat there, watching and waiting. Sethe paused, his lips only an inch or so from Zahra's face, and he whispered something that only Zahra could hear, and Zahra wasn't sure but he thought that perhaps Sethe had only thought the thing, but there wasn't anyway to tell, and Zahra didn't care how he heard it, only that he did.

"Ana bahebek, hereret."

Sethe's lips touched lightly on Zahra's, and in that second Zahra felt dizzy, seeing and hearing and sensing a sudden rush of a thousand things. He closed his eyes but they were still there, and he leaned in closer to Sethe and pressed his lips deeper into the kiss, hoping that it was what Sethe wanted him to do, because it was what he wanted to do and had to do, all at once. He didn't try to stop and think, never once wanting to do that, and instead he let Sethe kiss him silently and wondered why he hadn't long ago. He felt just the same.

Sethe pulled back just barely and Zahra opened his eyes, confused and hoping that Sethe was alright. Sethe's eyes were wide open and he had only moved back an inch or so, staring precariously at the gold in Zahra's eyes. Zahra moved once and then stopped, thinking in a strange and fleeting sort of way, but then he forgot about what it had been and kissed Sethe again, keeping his eyes open. Sethe blinked rapidly when Zahra kissed him, seemingly shocked, but then his eyes slid shut and he kissed back, moving his lips against Zahra's more confidently now that it had been Zahra who had kissed him first.

Zahra had kissed Sethe without thinking about it and without really knowing how as this was only his second kiss ever, the first one being the one that Sethe had just given him moments ago, and during the first few seconds in which Sethe did not respond he began to feel a little nervous. But when Sethe did answer, Zahra's apprehension fled quickly as Sethe pressed on his lips insistently with his own, and he stole every bit of control that Zahra had mistakenly tried to hold. Zahra let him have it as soon as he could, not wanting it in the first place. He had only wanted Sethe to kiss him again, but he wasn't sure how to ask. Zahra felt Sethe lift his hand, and then moments later he pressed it into the small of his back and Zahra leaned forward into Sethe, bringing his hands up and clutching distractedly at the fabric on Sethe's shoulders. Zahra tried to think about what he was doing but he couldn't, and the only thoughts in his mind were vague and unimportant and he lost interest in thinking and let Sethe kiss him instead.

Sethe broke away, but he didn't move back and he held Zahra in place as he leaned in past his face and whispered in his ear. "You knew." Zahra leaned further against Sethe and nodded carefully.

"How could I not? You wore it so plainly." Zahra's tone sounded nearly regretful, and he wished that he hadn't ever seen it on Sethe, but it wasn't Sethe's fault. And it wasn't Zahra's either. "I couldn't help but see it."

"Why did you wait?"

Zahra bit his lip and thought for a second, wondering the same thing himself. "I was afraid that it was because of what I was. And I thought that…that you would tell me, eventually, and that we were going to live here in the temple forever."

Sethe sat back and gave Zahra a suspicious look. "We are."

"But…what if I do something else that gets you in trouble? What if I actually hurt somebody, and they send me away?" Zahra was more afraid than he realized, and he held his breath and waited for Sethe to say something.

Sethe shook his head. "I wouldn't let that happen. This is because of what Isis said to you, isn't it?" Zahra only stared and Sethe sighed and took his hand off Zahra's back, bringing his arms forward and grabbing on to Zahra's hands. "Look…she was trying to scare you…and you know better than anyone what she's really like inside. Forget it…do you really think that I would let anything happen to you?" Zahra shook his head adamantly, and Sethe smiled and let go of one of his hands, lifting it up and brushing some of the hair away from Zahra's eyes and tucking some of the pieces behind Zahra's ears. Zahra watched Sethe's face as he did that and felt something grow heavier in his heart, but it wasn't at all a bad feeling. The way that it felt, for someone like Sethe to watch over him so carefully and to think of nothing but him, constantly, nearly made Zahra want to cry, and still it wasn't a feeling of sadness. Perhaps it was just overwhelming.

"No…there isn't anything to be afraid of." Zahra considered that for a moment. It wasn't totally true, at least not in his eyes, but he hesitated before he spoke, knowing what Sethe would say. Still, he hadn't ever said it, and he wanted to let it out.

"It isn't them that I'm afraid of…it's me." Sethe didn't say anything, and Zahra leaned forward and rested his head on Sethe's chest, not wanting to look at him as he spoke. "Remember what happened in that ceremony? I know it feels like it was forever ago…but I couldn't ever forget it. The way it felt…and I couldn't stop it. I didn't even know what it meant to do. All of it, whatever it was inside me, it acted on it's own. I can't control that."

Sethe brought his arms around Zahra's waist and held tightly. "I'm not afraid of you. And you're right…there wasn't anything that you could do. But that's why you're practicing Heka…so you can control it. And you're learning it so quickly…it's as though you only forgot how."

Zahra smiled and leaned back to look at Sethe. Maybe he really was worried so much over so little. "You know what I was thinking of yesterday? I remembered what you told me about Ba…I want to see mine." Sethe kept his face motionless and thought silently for a few seconds.

"…Maybe."

Zahra frowned, wondering what had changed Sethe's mind. He had seemed as though he wanted to see it months ago. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong…there's just a lot that you don't know about it. If you're unable to call it out on your own, I would have to draw it out."

"Is that bad?"

"It's not damaging, but it is traumatic. And it's very painful, or so I've been told. I was able to call mine out on my own."

"Oh…" Zahra thought about it for a moment, knowing that it was something that he really wanted to try. "But…then can you show me how to call it out?"

Sethe nodded. "It's a long process…but I can teach you. Not right now, though." He smiled thoughtfully and lifted Zahra's chin with his finger, leaning in and kissing him full. Zahra's eyelids flickered a bit and then closed, and he thought of the time and how it had passed, and how much different he was from long ago. He thought of Makiah briefly and smiled inwardly, and then he forgot again and lost himself in Sethe instead, knowing that Sethe was the one that he wouldn't be happy to only remember.

Zahra sat patiently in the chair that Sethe had placed in front of the empty table in the working room, watching as Sethe poured the water into the glass bowl that sat on the tabletop just before him.

"Now…this only works if you possess Neter Maa, so only you and I can do this. Don't mention it to anyone else." Zahra nodded his head, and Sethe stood next to the table and crossed his arms, deep in thought. "I'm trying to think of how to explain this…you know how you can read things on people? You're going to be doing that here…only this water has no memories. So you can use it to see anything you want."

"Like the future?"

"Hmmm…I've never seen it before. It's not quite like that…it only shows you what exists in this moment, and water is especially receptive to the person looking into it. That's why you can always see your reflection whenever you look at it closely. But if you look deeper with your sight, you can see a deeper reflection." Zahra did, and he nodded as he placed his hands on the table, watching as the slight motion set ripples through the surface of the clear water.

"So…I'm looking for my Ba?"

"Yes…" Sethe stood behind Zahra and set his hands on the back of the chair. "If you know who it is, you're far more likely to know how to call it out on your own."

"Okay…I'm going to try." Zahra relaxed his shoulders and let his eyes fall onto the surface of the water, and he wondered why Sethe had chosen a glass bowl when he almost never used glass for anything, preferring metals and wood, but he let the thought go and all the others that tried to follow it. It didn't matter. Zahra's eyesight began to dull and he felt the familiar sensation of blurry clarity forming over his eyes, and he read the water just as he would anyone else's skin, but it was far different and not nearly as easy. People were easy to read, they exposed themselves without a second thought, but water seemed to be much more secretive.

Hmmm…this is harder than I expected. It's harder than everything else Sethe had me try. Or maybe I'm just getting lazy. Everything comes so easy…this is the first thing that I've had to actually concentrate this hard on in awhile…but I like it.

Zahra cut off his thoughts and focused, looking for his Ba in the glass and the water, and finding nothing but empty thoughts, thoughts of his own that he'd had moments before.

It's reflecting my own thoughts back at me…I have to stop.

Zahra waited for those thoughts to pass, and then he silenced his mind completely and let the quiet take him, searching patiently and thoughtlessly for an image, a reflection of himself that he hadn't ever seen before. The water rippled calmly off of the side of the bowl in a few spots, and Zahra frowned, wondering if he had unconsciously hit the table with his knee or something, but he brushed it off and waited for the ripples to fade away. He held steady for what seemed like far too long for ripples to disappear, but he knew that time passed strangely in places such as these, and he studied the water carefully.

The ripples are getting deeper…is something moving the table?

Zahra watched as the water in the bowl gradually began moving more, and the ripples grew into larger ripples that nearly ran over the side, and Zahra began to worry as he knew that nothing was moving the table at all, at least not to the extent that it would have to be moving to make the water act like that. It was as though the table were being dragged across the room. Some of the water splashed up and over the side of the bowl, running over the side and dripping onto the tabletop, and Zahra pulled his eyes away and glanced back at Sethe fearfully.

"Why is it doing that?" His tone was shaky and tense, but Sethe only gazed at him confusedly.

"Doing what?" Zahra gaped at him and pointed, turning around to look back at the bowl.

"It's-"

He held his breath, looking at the table and seeing that the water was as still as it could have been, and nothing at all broke the surface. Zahra reached out and touched the place on the table that he had seen the water drip down, but it was as dry as it had always been. It hadn't happened.

"It's…it was shaking…the water splashed up and it ran over the side…onto the table. I saw it…" Sethe shook his head and brushed back some of Zahra's hair.

"It wasn't…try again."

Zahra turned his attention back to the water warily, untrusting of it but willing to give it another try. He slipped easily back into his sight, and as soon as he was able he began to search for a reflection of his Ba once more. The instant that the very idea of Ba came into his head, the water began to shake and stir, and Zahra nearly pulled away again but reminded himself that it wasn't really happening, so perhaps it was supposed to do that..

Maybe I am doing it right, and this is just what it looks like in my mind. I saw for myself that the water wasn't even on the table…I should keep going.

Zahra pressed on and searched for his Ba, and when the water began to drip and run over the edge, he ignored it and searched even harder, applying himself in a way that he didn't normally have to do. The harder that he tried, the more that the water reacted, but he still looked further and tried to disregard the clattering sound that the glass was making against the table as it trembled as if under a great strain. Zahra began to doubt himself, but he decided quickly that he might just try to go a little bit further. Sethe was right behind him, and if anything happened, Sethe would know what to do. Reassured, Zahra sunk his sight directly into the water as best he could and submerged his thoughts as deep as he was able.

A number of things all happened in the same moment, but Zahra only heard them as they went, unable to see anything because of his immense concentration. In a far off sort of way he noticed that the bowl seemed to split apart suddenly, and he heard himself scream and his eyes shut instantly, and the reason that he screamed came through his ears in a loud and shattering burst. There was a sudden shock of cold in his lap and it ran down his legs, but the sound that pulled his attention away from everything and forced his eyes open again was the sound of Sethe gasping lightly, and before Zahra could even turn his head he knew that something was desperately wrong. He stood up immediately and flipped around, hearing the sound of dripping water and clinking glass as he moved, but he only heard it distantly and he brought his hand up to his mouth in horror as he saw what had happened…what he had done.

"Zahra, don't…calm down." Zahra couldn't even hear him, and he lifted his hand and reached out, but he wasn't close enough to touch Sethe. Sethe had his hand over his right eye and his other hand was poised in the air, and Zahra could see that Sethe was still in shock from what had happened. Zahra could already feel tears forming in his eyes, and he bit down on his lips to keep from screaming again, but it was all he could do to keep silent. He moved to take a step forward but Sethe moved faster and held him back. "Your feet, Zahra…there's glass everywhere."

Zahra stared, feeling utterly lost and not knowing the first thing to do for Sethe, and all the while knowing that it should have been him. Zahra felt nothing, there was no pain in him, and yet he had been so close. But Sethe… Zahra watched as a small trickle of blood escaped Sethe's fingers and ran down his cheek, and Zahra opened his mouth to scream again, too afraid and stunned and guilty to do anything else.

Sethe clamped a hand over his mouth and spoke quietly but forcefully, and Zahra listened. "Stop. Zahra, just listen to me." Sethe's voice was inexplicably calm, and it infected Zahra and he found that he no longer wanted to scream. Sethe uncovered his mouth and let his hand rest on the side of Zahra's face. "I need you to do something for me." Zahra nodded his head rapidly, not trusting his voice but badly needing to do something, anything that might fix what he'd broken. "Run to the palace and find Mahado. When you find him, tell him that he needs to come here right away, because there's been an accident. Will you do that?"

Zahra nodded once more and then tiptoed carefully around the glass on the floor, and as soon as he was in the hallway he took off running faster than he ever had before. The only time he recalled himself feeling this desperate was the time that he had run all the way to the temple from the city, searching for asylum. He begged his mind not to function, not to think, but instead of remaining still in shock it worked twice as quickly, and his thoughts were filled with hopelessness.

I've blinded him. I knew that something was wrong…but I didn't stop. I knew that I needed to…and now I've hurt him badly. What if…what if I really did blind him? Oh…it's my fault, it's my fault…I shouldn't have done that…I shouldn't have asked him to teach me…I should have mentioned the glass, or at least asked him why…I should have done it differently. I can't take this back…the Pharaoh was right, I am dangerous…and I did hurt someone, the one person that I swore I wouldn't ever...

"Mahado!" There he was, he wasn't far anymore, and Mahado looked up when Zahra yelled out his name, as did everyone else in the palace. "Mahado!" Zahra ran up to him and grabbed his arm, and Mahado gave him a worried look, and Zahra realized that his panic must have been written all over his face. "Mahado. Sethe needs you." Zahra glanced over at the priests, all of whom were looking at him rather strangely, but Mahado nodded his head and followed Zahra at a hurried pace, understanding that something was wrong. As soon as they had gone through the doorway that led to the temple, Zahra began to speak in a shrill tone, explaining what had happened to Mahado in a panic.

"It's his eye…he…he got glass in it, and it was my fault, it was an accident! But he's bleeding and said to go and get you, and he…" Mahado did not appear to be surprised, and if he was, he hid it well. He only nodded his head at Zahra and ran faster through the hall, and the two entered the room that Sethe waited in and found him sitting in Zahra's seat, looking at the ground with one eye and covering the other with his hand. He looked up when Mahado arrived and then stood up from his seat, and Mahado turned to face Zahra and pushed him slightly towards the doorway. Sethe spoke up when he saw what Mahado was doing.

"Zahra, wait for me in the bedroom." His tone was even and low, and Zahra thought that perhaps he shouldn't argue, but he still had no idea what was going on, and he was so worried about what he had done.

"But-"

"Zahra…please. Just go. There isn't anything you can do right now."

Zahra tried to blink back the tears that fell from his eyes and failed, and the moment that he was in the hallway they rolled down his cheeks and he nearly fell to the ground right there, if he hadn't thought that he might have been in the way if Sethe and Mahado needed to go somewhere. He made his way back to the bedroom and fell face first on the bed, crying loudly and miserably for Sethe, and for what he had done. And Sethe had been so patient and understanding, even when Zahra was sure that he must have been terrified, and in a lot of pain. He wondered why Sethe had asked for Mahado, but decided that it didn't matter. Maybe Mahado knew how to fix things like that. Zahra prayed that he could, really prayed, for the first time in such a long drought of belief, and he wasn't sure if it would help or not, but he was willing to try anything at that point. His clothes were still wet from the water that had spilled all over himself, but he couldn't bring himself to care and only cried harder, knowing that he'd broken something precious.