Asylum

By Katsuya Kaiba

Sethe and Mahado were gone for hours, and by the time that Sethe returned it was time to seal the shrine, but Mahado took Zahra to close it instead of Sethe, who stayed in the bedroom to rest. Zahra was unnaturally quiet in the shrine and on the way back, feeling exhausted for no reason and far too preoccupied with Sethe to be of much use to Mahado, but he never mentioned it or seemed to notice. He said goodbye to Zahra in the hallway just before they reached the bedroom, and Zahra smiled at him weakly and waved before rushing inside to see if Sethe was still awake. Sethe didn't appear to be, his eyes were closed and he was lying on his back, and Zahra hesitantly approached the bed and sat on the edge, staring at Sethe and unsure of what to do next. He wouldn't be able to sleep until he was sure that Sethe was alright, but he didn't want to wake him up if he was asleep.

"Zahra?" Sethe opened his eyes briefly and then shut them quickly, hissing in pain, and Zahra watched him with wide eyes. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but the moment that he saw Sethe try to open his eyes and fail, he knew that it was real, and that it had happened for sure. He crawled over the bed and kneeled in front of Sethe and kissed him on the lips, and the moment that Sethe kissed him back the tears that he had been holding back while he was with Mahado fell from his eyes, but he didn't break the kiss. They ran down his face and one of them fell on Sethe's cheek, and he felt it and he pulled Zahra down on the bed next to him, and Zahra laid his head on Sethe's shoulder and cried silently.

"Zahra…please don't do this." Zahra only cried harder, and Sethe sighed in frustration and brought his hand up carefully, finding Zahra by the sound of his sobs and running his fingers through his hair. "I can't stand it when you're like this…stop."

Zahra pressed his face into Sethe's shoulder and swallowed his tears as best he could. "I'm sorry…"

"Why?"

"Because…because…" Zahra bit his lips and sobbed under his breath, but he got the words out after a moment. "Because now you're hurt, and it was all my fault. I couldn't do anything to stop it…just like before. It happened too fast, and I…please, please don't hate me. I never meant to hurt you…" Zahra trailed off and pushed his face harder against Sethe, willing away the tears that just wouldn't stop coming. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing." Sethe spoke forcefully and just a bit louder than before, and his tone caught Zahra's attention and he lifted his head slightly and listened. "There isn't anything wrong with you, and this was not your fault. It's not as bad as you think."

Zahra lifted his arm and laid it across Sethe's stomach, clinging on tightly. "It isn't?"

"No…Mahado knows what he's doing, and he's an extremely skilled healer. It took him most of today, but he was able to take the glass out, and he sped the healing with a spell. A good one, from the way it feels now. It's just for the rest of the night…when I wake up I should be able to open them perfectly."

Zahra couldn't remember a time he'd felt so relieved in his entire life, and he smiled hopefully and spoke against Sethe's chest. "Then, you'll be alright?"

Sethe paused, and the aching fear crept back into Zahra's mind as he waited for Sethe to speak. "Its…it's too early to say. The wound is healed already. My eyes are just sensitive to the light right now. But my eyesight isn't something that Mahado or anyone else can fix…but I'm sure that everything is fine. We'll worry about that tomorrow."

Zahra didn't want to say it, but he felt that Sethe was only saying those things because he didn't want Zahra to worry, but Zahra felt something akin to dread inside of Sethe that he didn't mention, not wanting to hurt Sethe further. "Sethe…I…I don't think that I should practice Heka anymore. If something like this happened again…I wouldn't be able to stand it. I can't now…" He reached up and rubbed his eyes dry, feeling somewhat calmer than before, but still ever fearful of the coming dawn. "I'm too dangerous…and it's too risky."

"But you don't want that." Zahra said nothing, knowing that it was true and feeling greedy for even thinking it. He didn't want to give up Heka…it was something that he could do, and do well, and he was beginning to like it. But now…Zahra looked up quickly and saw Sethe, and then shook his head, making his decision.

"I don't want to hurt you. That's what I don't want. And look…this is twice now. And both times there wasn't a thing that I could have done. I don't know, Sethe…it felt like…when I was looking into the water…whenever I tried to look at my Ba, the water would start to act strangely. It was almost as if I wasn't supposed to know."

Sethe remained silent and listened to Zahra speak, and when he was finished he still said nothing, and instead his hand fell from Zahra's hair to his chin, and he pulled Zahra's face up slowly and kissed him deeply. Zahra let him do it, momentarily forgetting about what had happened and smiling against Sethe's lips, although the pulling feeling in his heart never subsided. He felt so guilty, for hurting Sethe, and for being unable to stop it. He was weak, and he knew it, and there wasn't a thing that he could do. It hadn't even been him that had done it, not truly. There was something else inside of him. He only wished that he knew who it was.

"We'll worry about that tomorrow," Sethe murmured against Zahra's lips, rolling over towards Zahra until Zahra lay flat on his back with Sethe above him. "I missed you today." He pressed his lips to Zahra's again, and Zahra placed his hands on Sethe's shoulders and pulled him closer, feeling just the same way. He was still worried, terribly so, but if Sethe didn't want him to then he could pretend that he wasn't.

Zahra awoke on his own, before Sethe had a chance to wake him up as he usually did, and when he opened his eyes he found Sethe sitting up beside him, silently staring at the sheets that he was still covered by from the waist down. His face was expressionless, but he didn't notice it when Zahra opened his eyes, and Zahra remained still for awhile and watched Sethe, immediately remembering what had happened the day before. His heart instantly filled with dread and anticipation as he watched Sethe quietly, clinging to his half-formed hopes for everything to turn out alright. It looked as though Sethe had just woken up, and Zahra wasn't sure what he himself had woken up for because it always took Sethe at least a few minutes to get him conscious each morning.

Maybe Sethe woke me up somehow. I know just how nervous he is…regardless of how he tries to act. But he isn't even moving…what does he see?

Sethe blinked a few times, and then he reached out with one hand and touched the sheets over his leg softly, and then he let his hand rest on the bed and he pushed his bangs to the side with his other hand, glancing over at Zahra. Zahra smiled brightly and sat up, and he was going to lean over and kiss Sethe when he saw something different and he was surprised into stillness. Sethe's eye didn't look the way that it had yesterday. His left eye was fine, just as it always had been, but his right eye was clearly the one that had sustained the injury. Most of it was just as blue as his other, and the only difference was in the lower half of his eye where the blue somehow distorted in a strange way. It was the same color, but it looked fractured, like shattered glass, and Zahra could see different dimensions of blue that ran throughout the original color, in pieces and fragments that haphazardly crossed against one another. It looked like that part of his eye ran much deeper than the rest, and Zahra caught himself staring and blinked, refocusing on Sethe's face.

"You can see it…" Sethe's tone held nothing in it, and he sounded almost as though he didn't care, but Zahra could see deeper into him that that. Sethe was acting strangely, and Zahra couldn't quite catch what it was but he could feel something stirring inside of Sethe, a suspicion that grew with each passing moment.

"…A little. But Sethe…" Zahra moved forward and wrapped his arms around his waist, pressing his cheek to Sethe's side. "It doesn't look bad."

Sethe didn't move or speak for a moment, keeping his eyes open and staring off at nothing. "…Something is wrong."

Zahra froze, and then he sat up and looked at Sethe, watching him as he stared at nothing. "What…what is it?" The feeling of dread gripped him tightly as he waited for Sethe to respond, but he kept his face as calm as he could.

"I can't tell…everything looks different, but I can't say how or why."

Within moments Zahra's eyes filled with tears, but he blinked them back and tried to speak evenly. "But…you can see?"

Sethe nodded slowly. "I can…well…Mahado said that he would return today to see how everything turned out…I'll ask him about it then. Come on…" Sethe smiled at Zahra and grabbed his hand. "We have to go."

Something was wrong with Sethe's sight, and Zahra noticed the differences in Sethe's actions more than once during the morning, and it was always the same mistake. Sethe would reach out to grab something or to move something, and each time he did he would either misjudge the distance and not reach out far enough, or he would reach too far and when his fingers hit the thing they would shake slightly, as though he hadn't expected to touch it just yet. He never made any mention of it and acted as though it weren't happening, but Zahra was watching him closely, and it was more than obvious. Zahra kept him mouth shut, however, and hoped that whatever was wrong with Sethe's sight was only something that he would have to get used to. It hurt him deeply, each time that Zahra watched him make a mistake like that it felt like someone was tugging on his heart, and would have to turn away for a second and collect himself, but he didn't let Sethe know just how frightened he was.

After the shrine was finished, Sethe and Zahra met up with Mahado in the library, and this time Zahra was allowed to stay and watch. Mahado pulled two chairs away from the table and faced them towards one another, sitting in one and motioning silently for Sethe to sit in the other. Zahra sat at the table and watched as Mahado and Sethe spoke about his eyesight and prayed that Mahado could fix Sethe, no matter what was wrong with him.

"Something is different…but I'm not sure what. It's in the way that things look at a distance…I can't tell exactly how far away they are."

Mahado nodded and kept his expression perfectly calm, leaning over and examining Sethe's eye from up close. Zahra rested his chin on his arms and watched them silently. Mahado leaned back and pushed his chair further away from Sethe with his feet, and then lifted his arm in the air and faced his palm towards Sethe.

"Reach out, and try to touch my hand. Don't look at anything except the spot you're trying to touch." Sethe nodded and then reached out with his left hand until he was almost touching Mahado's palm but then he paused and frowned, then tried again and reached out too far, touching Mahado's hand and then drawing back suddenly, as though Mahado's hand was not where he had though it was. Mahado let his hand fall to his lap and then he looked over at Zahra for a second, then back at Sethe.

"He can stay. He'll need to know, anyway. What's wrong with it?"

Mahado looked at his hands for a moment before he spoke, and his voice was just as quiet as it always was, but it seemed reserved somehow. "It's your depth perception. It's almost totally gone…which means that the sight in your right eye is nearly gone, as well." Zahra's heart seemed to stop beating for just a second, but as soon as it started up again it beat faster than ever, and his eyes grew huge as he listened to Mahado speak. "You've still got some sight left in it…but that will be gone before the year is up."

Sethe's expression remained surprisingly vacant during Mahado's explanation, and all he did was nod his head in response. Zahra watched him in shock, unable to believe that Sethe was really that accepting of the situation. He stood up suddenly and walked over to where the two sat, facing Mahado and speaking uncontrollably.

"But…isn't there something that you can do? Can't you heal it?" Mahado shook his head patiently, and Sethe reached out and took Zahra's hand, pulling him back from Mahado. Zahra looked down at Sethe and saw him smiling evenly.

"Zahra, stop. You know that he can't." Zahra stared down in horror, unable to believe that Sethe was going to just nod and smile and pretend like everything was alright, when it so clearly wasn't. Sethe looked away from Zahra and stood up, following Mahado to the doorway and thanking him, or so Zahra thought. He wasn't even listening, too lost in his own thoughts to hear them.

Sethe's blind…only in one eye, but…I did it. I took that from him. And it's for sure now, there isn't any doubt. It will be gone in a matter of months. Will he…will he hate me for it? I know that he must still be in shock over it, because he's acting like…like he doesn't even care.

Zahra looked up and found Sethe leaning against the wall next to the doorway, his hand over his eyes. He wasn't moving, and he didn't make a sound, and Zahra approached him slowly and touched his chest lightly, wondering what he should do. Sethe didn't move, and then Zahra took his hand away and pressed his face into Sethe instead, and Sethe's arms came up around his waist and held him there tightly, never once making a sound. His breathing was slow and even, and he appeared to only be thinking, and Zahra leaned against him patiently and waited to see what Sethe would do next. He was still and silent for a very long time, and after a few minutes had passed Zahra tried to lean back to see his face, but Sethe only held onto him tighter, and Zahra smiled, despite the situation. Sethe still wanted him there.

"Zahra…" Zahra looked up without moving anything but his head and looked at Sethe, who was staring down at him solemnly, looking serious but nothing else. He didn't even look sad. "You still…you still feel the same way? About me?" Zahra blinked, wondering why Sethe even needed to ask him that, but he nodded his head, and Sethe smiled sadly and touched his face, running his fingers over the skin slowly while Zahra watched. "You will feel guilty…even if I tell you not to. Isn't that right?" Zahra looked back down, not wanting to look at Sethe while he thought of that.

"Yes."

"Always?"

Zahra pressed the side of his face into Sethe's chest. "Yes."

Sethe nodded. "I thought so. But Zahra…you can't take it back. And I wouldn't ask you to." He stopped and thought for a moment before he continued. "If I kissed you right now, would it be the same as it was yesterday?"

"…Of course it would be. Everything is the same…for us." Zahra looked up at Sethe, confused, but Sethe only smiled back.

"That's all I meant. That's all that matters." Sethe kissed Zahra, and Zahra smiled all of a sudden, shocked at how right he really was. It was just the same, and nothing at all felt different. The feel of Sethe's lips against his own, the taste of his mouth, the way that he always grazed his teeth lightly against Zahra's bottom lip…it was all that really mattered. It was an accident, and Zahra would never forgive himself for it. But if Sethe remained the same, then he might still be able to live with himself, despite what he'd done.

Zahra sighed quietly, not wanting to wake up Sethe, but still frustrated over the fact that he had been trying to fall asleep for what seemed like hours, to no avail. It wasn't Sethe's eye, although that did still cross his mind at least once for every minute that passed, there was something more…something that kept him from falling asleep, and it was relentless. Zahra knew that it was no use, and he sat up from Sethe's arms slowly, taking care not to wake him up as he slid across the bed and swung his legs over the edge. He leaned over to the floor and grabbed his clothes, dressing himself quietly and walking around the edge of the bed to give Sethe a quick kiss before he left the room and wandered slowly down the hallway.

It was that room that was on his mind, the one that Sethe had taken Zahra to long ago on top of the palace and showed him all of the creatures of Ba. Zahra hadn't fully understood what Sethe was teaching him then, and he knew that he still didn't quite grasp the concept, but his view of Ba had changed dramatically since then, especially concerning his own. But despite everything that had happened, he was still curious as to what his Ba might be. He knew for a fact that there wasn't any way he was going to try and call it out of himself, not after what had happened to Sethe. No…Sethe would have to draw it out of him. But Sethe was hesitant to do that, since he had been told that it wasn't a pleasant experience.

But I've been thinking…and remembering. When I accidentally found Suti's shrine…I knew who my Ba was then. That's the other person that was inside of me…it makes sense. But I still can't remember who it was…but perhaps if I see them in that room up the stairs, I might remember them. It's worth a try…and it's something that I want to do on my own. I can't say why, but I think that this might work better if I'm alone. Even so…I wish that Sethe were here.

The palace was dark and the stairs were long, but Zahra walked up them slowly and came out on the roof, recognizing the view of the city at night instantly. He smiled as he climbed the last step and remembered the very spot that he and Sethe had sat and looked at the stars…it wasn't so long ago. Zahra knew that he and Sethe needed to come back up here soon and spend another night like that one, but then he turned away and walked towards the doorway surrounded by firelight, the one that led into the small room that held the records of Ba. He had only just walked through the doorway when a hand touched his shoulder lightly and he jumped away immediately, turning around quickly to see who had done that.

"Mahado…you really scared me." Zahra placed his hand on his chest and felt his heart race, but Mahado only gave him a small smile and then turned, staring silently at the walls. Zahra knew that Mahado wouldn't speak unless spoken to, and he was curious to know why Mahado of all people was up here this late at night. "Hey…Mahado. What are you doing?"

Mahado didn't look back over at Zahra until after he had finished speaking. "Thinking." The look he gave Zahra was pleasant and open, and Zahra smiled and pushed the issue.

"Thinking about what?"

Mahado touched a spot on the wall, and then let his hand fall away. "Several things."

Zahra turned and faced one of the walls. He hadn't really expected Mahado to tell him, but it had been worth a try. He heard Mahado move behind him, and he turned around and found him facing the same wall that Zahra was looking at.

"But the thing I came here to think about is the Pharaoh." Zahra blinked, wondering why Mahado had offered up information like that, but suddenly feeling very curious as to what he meant by that. Sethe had mentioned something once that Zahra hadn't asked him about further, not caring at the moment, but now it was important as he realized that it might be true.

"Sethe…do you think that I might be able to fix your sight if I learned to heal, like Mahado?"

Sethe looked up from his book and sighed. "Are you still on about that? I can read fine, which was really all I was worried about in the first place. And anyway…Shemsu-Suti aren't very good at healing spells. That requires gold Heka, strong gold, and we can't draw that."

"But I want to try. You can't teach me?"

Sethe shook his head. "I don't know the first thing about it."

Zahra, unwilling to give up so easily, tried another tactic. "What if I asked Mahado to teach me? Would you be mad?"

Sethe chuckled deeply and looked back down at his book. "No…but I doubt that he has the time to teach you anything. He's far too busy pining over the Pharaoh all day long. The only reason he stayed on here during the Akhet was because he couldn't follow the Pharaoh to the Nile, and he needed busy himself in his absence." Sethe laughed again to himself and began reading once more.

Zahra thought quickly, wondering if there wasn't any way that he could help this situation. But first, he had to find out just what he was dealing with.

"Ah…the Pharaoh. He's…he's really very nice, isn't he?" Zahra turned to face Mahado fully and took a small and friendly step in his direction. Mahado said nothing, but something changed behind his eyes and he watched Zahra a bit more carefully. "Mph…and you know, he…" Zahra caught Mahado's eyes and held them, "He isn't all that bad looking. In fact…" Zahra found what he was looking for, a brief flash of jealously, very slim and still good natured, as Mahado was, but it was there all the same, and Zahra smiled ever brighter. "He's too short, though."

Mahado frowned slightly, looking more worried than angry. "He isn't."

Zahra laughed and tilted his head to the side. "No…maybe you're right. But it doesn't matter to me, I'm in love with someone else."

"Sethe?" Zahra smiled and nodded, leaning back against the wall and facing Mahado. "He loves you more than anything."

"He does…doesn't he?" Zahra grinned widely and Mahado nodded. This was working out perfectly, and Zahra was nearly beside himself with excitement. This was exactly the sort of challenge that Zahra couldn't wait to get himself tangled up in. But Mahado was almost too easy; he tripped over every pitfall that Zahra created with his words, and Zahra wondered if the Pharaoh had any idea. "…I love him just the same." Zahra sighed dramatically, and looked up to the ceiling, watching the firelight creep in through the doorway and illuminate the darkest corners just slightly. "It's wonderful…to be able to live this way, just he and I in the temple." He looked back over at Mahado with a face full of inquiry. "Mahado, do you live in the palace with the Pharaoh?"

"Yes…but his room is far from mine." Mahado spoke briefly, looking at Zahra just the way he always did. Zahra took a breath and tried again.

"Oh…so, why did you come here to think about him? Did something bad happen?"

"No."

"…Did something good happen?"

Mahado looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well…" Zahra thought that perhaps a more straightforward approach would do the trick. "I just thought that maybe you told him how you felt, and that something good might have come of it. Have you?"

Mahado gave Zahra an odd look, the most expressive look that Zahra had ever seen on his face, and he opened his mouth to speak, but the words took some time coming out. "How…how did you know that?" He was surprised, but he wasn't angry or upset, and Zahra smiled at him deliberately.

"I'm Shemsu-Suti…I can see lots of things that you can't." Mahado's face softened a bit, but Zahra's words seemed to spark something in his mind and he spoke with a louder tone.

"What kinds of things?"

"Well, I can see…I haven't really talked about it, but I can see pretty much anything about anyone. And I can hear what people are thinking, and I can see what's happened to them that made them what they are. Um…I can go inside people's dreams, too, but I only did it once, so I'm not too sure how that works." Zahra pushed off of the wall and stood on his feet, trying to remember all of the different things that he'd found that he could do, and realizing that the list was far longer than he had once thought it was. Mahado watched him with an intrigued look, and when Zahra paused he waited silently for him to continue, and Zahra thought of more things and spoke. "Oh, and I'm really good at Heka…honestly. Sethe says that I'm better than him, but I think that he's just saying that because he's Sethe. But every time I try something new, I do it before I can even think about it. Except finding my Ba. I can't seem to do that."

Mahado looked up at the walls at Zahra's mention of Ba, and he spoke quietly. "Did Sethe teach you about Ba?"

Zahra nodded. "I came here to try and find mine…I can't seem to figure out who it is. I thought that since it has to be one of these, if I saw the picture on the wall it might make me see it."

"That might work…unless you're the Lord of Red."

Zahra stopped moving, thinking, and breathing all in the same second and stared at Mahado, wondering if he had really said that. "…What?"

"The Lord of Red. If that's who you are, then it won't work." Mahado's voice was calm and plain, and it calmed Zahra's nerves a bit, but he found that he still couldn't move from where he stood. Mahado watched Zahra with an even stare and waited for him to ask.

"Mahado…who is the Lord of Red?"

He looked up at the ceiling for a few moments before he answered, watching the firelight flicker. "The Lord of Red is a creature of Ba…though you won't find him in here."

"Why not?"

"Look…" Mahado motioned for Zahra to follow him over to another wall, and he leaned down and pointed to one of the countless squares, and Zahra noticed that particular one for the very first time. It was completely blank, and he reached out and touched the stone and felt it's unnatural smoothness. Whatever used to be here had been erased. "He's no longer here."

Zahra stood up without taking his eyes off of the blank stone, and Mahado continued. "Amun-Ra had him erased from the limitless Ba long ago…so now, he is only reborn when Suti sends him to be."

Suti…that's right. The Lord of Red is a creature of Suti…but a creature of Ba, as well?

"But…why isn't he here?"

Mahado frowned for a moment, thinking deeply. "It's because of many things." Mahado sounded very calm, at least to Zahra, who wasn't at all accustomed to hearing anything like this from anyone but Sethe. But Zahra wouldn't ever dare to ask Sethe about the Lord of Red…not after witnessing that dream. "The Lord of Red was something special to Suti…do you know how the Ba were created?" Zahra shook his head wordlessly. "In the old kingdom, the gods created the different Ba all at once, by combining their powers. That is why any god can choose any of these Ba to give to their Shemsu the moment that they are born. All Ba are aligned with each and every god. But the Lord of Red is aligned with Suti, and only Suti. No god can give their Shemsu the Ba of the Lord of Red. He belongs to Suti alone."

Zahra wasn't sure how to react. Where had Mahado come up with all of this? Despite his floundering thoughts he was able to force out a coherent sentence. "But if the Lord of Red wasn't created by the gods…then why was he on the records?"

"Because he is still a creature of Ba…the most rare and the most dangerous. Suti created him alone, without help, and without the consent of Amun-Ra."

"So…so…" Zahra stumbled over his words, trying to work them out in his head. "Then he was taken off? Why?"

Mahado looked hard at Zahra, and Zahra felt nervous, in a way, but not because of the way Mahado looked at him. It was the feeling of the words to come. "Suti fell in love with him…one of the dangers of creating something from nothing. He gave up his position next to Amun-Ra just to be with him…but I hear that that's not the way the story goes…not anymore." Mahado lowered his gaze to the floor and walked slowly out of the room, and Zahra trailed closely behind him, his skin freezing with anxiety. It was the same story that Sethe had been researching for years…how had Mahado learned that? Zahra was afraid to ask. And what might Sethe say, when he found the answer to his question was the same thing that destroyed his entire life all those years ago? Zahra wasn't sure that he should tell Sethe what he had learned tonight.

"Mahado…wait!" Mahado paused on the very first step and turned to face Zahra, a patient look on his face. "Is he…is the Lord of Red alive today in someone?"

"He must be. It rarely happens…but he was the one who destroyed Memphis. That wasn't more than ten years ago."

"But why Memphis? And…and why not Sethe?"

Mahado shook his head. "No one knows that. No one except Sethe. And even he may not remember anymore." He turned away, and Zahra let him leave, not wanting to keep him out any later. He had learned far too much for one night as it was, and he backed away a few steps and sat down on the roof, staring silently out onto the city. His head was swimming, but he just couldn't make it stop, and he let it run wildly as it wanted to and didn't bother to try and make sense of it all.

Suti fell in love with him…that's the answer that Sethe was searching for, all this time. It was the Lord of Red…but how could Mahado know that? Why would he know more about it than Sethe did? And why tell me, and not Sethe? Does he think…that it's me?

A creature of Ba…the most rare and the most dangerous…

Zahra stared helplessly out into the night, trying to think of a way to make it impossible, but the more that he thought about it, the more sense that it made. The thing inside of him…it gave him abilities that even Sethe knew nothing of. It couldn't be. Zahra refused to believe it.

That would mean that it was me…it was me who destroyed Memphis…and I don't remember ever doing a thing like that. I wouldn't ever…but what if he did it on his own? Sethe said that your Ba can leave your body in your sleep…and anyway, Memphis was destroyed ten years ago. That would have made me only seven years old…I can hardly remember even being seven. No. I refuse to be the thing that did this. I am not the Lord of Red. I'm Zahra…and my Ba has to be something else.

Zahra bit his lip and closed his eyes, knowing that there was some other explanation for the way that he was, something else that was more logical. If he were the Lord of Red, he would have known it by now. And furthermore, there was one more issue in his mind that he felt was even more pressing than that, the reason why Memphis was destroyed. Mahado had said that Sethe knew at one time, but had forgotten. If it was trapped somewhere in his memories, then perhaps Zahra could find the answer. But would Sethe allow it? Did he even want to know why or how it had happened? He never spoke of it, not even after Zahra had slipped into his nightmare. Zahra thought that it was best if he never told Sethe about the things that he had leaned from Mahado. But perhaps he could open the door a bit, and try to get Sethe to talk about what had happened.

"Sethe…?"

Sethe looked up from his book quickly and glanced at Zahra across the table. "What?"

Zahra smiled, thinking of the night before. "You know what?"

Sethe flipped a page and continued reading the text. "What?"

"Mahado likes the Pharaoh."

Sethe smirked without looking away from his book. "You don't say."

"Does the Pharaoh like him back?"

"The Pharaoh doesn't even know. Mahado won't tell him."

"Oh…" Zahra wasn't too surprised. After all, Mahado was…Mahado, and Zahra didn't feel that he was the sort of person who would say something like that. "But…do you think that the Pharaoh likes him back?"

Sethe looked away from his book and placed his full attention on Zahra for the first time. "…Why?" His tone had become suspicious, but Zahra only smiled at him.

"No reason…but does he?" Zahra discarded his grin and looked at Sethe with wide, curious eyes, but Sethe wasn't fooled so easily.

"I have no idea…what are you up to?" Zahra shrugged his shoulders and looked down at his own book, pretending to be nonchalant. "No…look at me." Zahra glanced up and Sethe peered at him warily. "Are you trying to…to do something?"

Zahra smiled and looked down at his hands. "Maybe…I was just thinking of talking Mahado into telling the Pharaoh how he felt, but I didn't want him to do it if, you know, the Pharaoh didn't like him back."

"Hmph. I doubt that Mahado will ever tell him. And you…" Sethe smirked and leaned back in his chair. "Why are you so concerned with it?"

"It'll be fun…don't you want to see them get together?"

Sethe shook his head and turned a page. "I suppose…but don't you think that they'll get together if they want to? There isn't any sense in meddling."

Zahra frowned at Sethe's uninterested attitude. "Well…there isn't a lot of sense in some of the things that you do."

"Such as?"

Zahra looked around, not knowing that he was going to be called on it, and he tried to think of something quickly. "You…well, for one thing, you work here. That doesn't make a whole lot of sense, now, does it?"

"And where would you have me work?" Sethe wasn't even reading his book anymore, and he watched Zahra closely. He wasn't mad, but Zahra felt that he might have been put off by what he had said.

"I…I'm sorry…" Zahra reached across the table and took Sethe's hand. "Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad. I just want to hear what you would have said. Where else do you think that you or I could go?"

Zahra looked down at the tabletop and thought, thinking back quickly to what Isis had said to Zahra the last time he had seen her.

"There isn't any future for someone like that. Not in Egypt."

"Um…the Red Lands?"

Sethe scoffed at his answer disgustedly. "Are you serious? We wouldn't last for more than a few hours out there. It's uninhabitable. And the places that are livable are crawling with thieves and criminals. This is it, Zahra…we can't ever leave."

"I wouldn't want to. I…I didn't mean that, earlier." Zahra looked back down at his book. He was getting much better, now that he was learning how to read the symbols as opposed to writing them out, and while he was nowhere near the level of literacy that Sethe was, he could read, something that never failed to amaze him no matter how many times he was able to do it. It was special, somehow, and even though he knew that it was nothing compared to some of the other things that he could do, this particular ability he had worked for. It didn't come to him naturally, and it wasn't granted by some invisible force. He had earned it.

"Zahra…put the book down." Zahra looked up at Sethe and set the book down immediately, seeing that Sethe had already closed his own and placed it on the table in front of him. "I know that you don't want to talk about this, but it's been awhile, and…it needs to be discussed."

"…What?" Zahra already knew what he spoke of, but he didn't want Sethe to know. He himself didn't even want to know the true answer. There were too many possibilities.

"It's your Ba…Zahra, I'm…I don't want to bring this up, but I have to find out who it is. It's for your own safety…just that. I'm not concerned with anyone else's. And the longer that we wait, the more impatient the Pharaoh will become…he told me months ago that I needed to find out." Sethe paused and searched Zahra's face, and Zahra looked down at the tabletop, knowing that he had to comply.

But…but what if…what if I really am the Lord of Red? If I am, I don't want to know about it. But if I'm really not, then I'll know for sure, and I can stop worrying. It's too risky, though. If Sethe finds out that I'm the Lord of Red…if that's who I am…he'll hate me. He'll have no choice but to hate me…I would.

"Sethe…" Zahra stared at his hands and grasped for the words that weren't there. "Do we…do we have to? What if you get hurt again?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I didn't think that you would ever risk trying to call it out again. So, I was thinking that maybe you would let me draw it out. But then," Sethe frowned and ran a hand through his bangs, appearing to be stressed. "We have to find out at some point. And this appears to be the only way left. But I won't do it unless you say that it's alright."

He has to…I haven't got any other choice but to let him.

"Let me…let me think about it. Please, just for awhile." Sethe nodded his head and smiled at Zahra, and Zahra gave him a small smile back, wondering just how much longer he would be able to put this off. He wanted as much time as fate would allow him to be with Sethe, but as soon as he found out…if that was the real truth…it would all be over. And Zahra wouldn't expect any different.

"What is it, Zahra?"

Zahra's face went blank and he blinked at Sethe, confused. "What do you mean?"

Sethe leaned over and laid his arms on the table, taking both of Zahra's hand in his own. "I mean, what is it that's been bothering you? You've been upset for days, now…is it something that I can take care of?"

Zahra shook his head and looked away, feeling guilty as ever. I don't want to be the Lord of Red. I never want to be responsible for hurting you…but that's all I ever seem to do.

"Sethe…what if…what if my Ba is something terrible?"

Sethe smiled and stood up from his chair, pulling Zahra up by his arms. "It's not possible. Is that why you're worried about it? Look, whatever your Ba is, it doesn't matter. It won't change a thing…all it will do is show me who you are inside. And I already know that…this is just a formality because of where you live. And once it's over, do you know what comes next?"

Zahra hadn't thought that there was a next, and he brightened up a bit and smiled at Sethe. "No, what?"

"After your Ba is identified, you'll be given a title of Ka. And with one of those, you can be initiated into the temple."

"…Really?" That might be nice, although Zahra wasn't sure why Sethe thought that it was so special. "Um…what does that mean?"

Sethe sighed and brought Zahra's palm to his lips and kissed it briefly. "It means that you'll belong to the gods, and no one else. You won't be a slave anymore."

Zahra's breath caught in his throat, and he froze where he was, feeling as though his heart had stopped. Not a slave anymore… He smiled hopefully at Sethe as he spoke, whispering in anticipation. "I won't?" Sethe shook his head, and Zahra fell into action, feeling brighter than he had in days. If he could just make it that far…then everything would be perfect. He stepped forward in a rush and hugged Sethe tightly, listening to the way his bracelets jangled as he moved, and he thought of something else and felt his heart drop slightly.

"Oh…" Zahra leaned back but Sethe held his waist, and Zahra brought his hands forward and looked at his wrists. "But…I'll have to take these off…" There wasn't any question, he'd take them off in a second, but still. "Not that I don't want it…but I love these, and I was so happy when you brought them back for me…I don't want to take them off."

"Well, you'll have to. Don't worry…" Sethe leaned over and kissed Zahra on the lips before he finished speaking. "I'm sure that I can find you something else to wear."

"Oooh…really?" Zahra smiled and held on tightly to Sethe, leaning against his chest. Despite his worries, he felt so much better now, and he gripped Sethe as hard as he could, believing for the first time that things just might really work out alright in the end.

"Hmmm…but it's not for awhile. Even if you did want to do this right away, we would have to wait. Every priest had to be present to see your Ba, and Mahado will be leaving soon. He has to go to Hermopolis to oversee the temple blessing."

"How come? Don't they have their own priests there?"

"This temple, the one that we live in, is the main shrine to Amun-Ra in Egypt. The only other one is in Hermopolis, since it's the only sacred city left since Memphis was destroyed. A priest from the main shrine has to be there for this…it's only once a year, and he always goes. He'll only be gone for a week, and then you're free to continue with your matchmaking."

Zahra had been nervous to heart Sethe mention Memphis, but he smiled at Zahra as he spoke, especially that last part, and Zahra's worries slipped away. He wondered briefly if he should tell Sethe what he had learned from Mahado, but he didn't feel that the time was right. Perhaps he might tell him someday, when everything had settled down, but for right now, there was too much at stake as it was, and Zahra had more than that on his mind.

AN: This is the beginning of the end, sadly. But they are so cute together! Ah! There are eleven chapters, so everything comes together in the next two. Speaking of which, I went back and began to read over the story that this one is based on, Clear Vision. Wow, it was bad. I suppose it's too late to go back and re-write it, but still...blech. That was forever ago...the very first story I ever wrote, fanfiction or no. Well...all I can say is that I hope there has been some sort of improvement over the course of time. I hope you liked this chapter, and I'll try to post as soon as I can. In the meantime, let me know how you like it, and if you don't, tell me that, too. Yell at me...I need abuse like that.