A/N: Hello!! Chapter 18, not bad Beaky!! *pats self on back* Well … read on; tell me if it's any good!!
DISCLAIMER: You should realize by now that I don't own anything, except Lena and all the ones that have not been mentioned in a single book to date, and whose existence cannot be proven … and if you don't know who owns the others … what are you doing reading fan fics??
Chapter 18: Moving on … or not.
Lena had traveled from Hogsmeade to London by train at least 12 times before, but never at nighttime. It felt strange … she didn't know where she was.
She remembered her first time …She was so excited as she waved goodbye to her mum and dad … now she'd give anything for them to be waiting on the platform for her when she reached London.
She looked out the window and squinted, trying to make out familiar landmarks.
"Are you ok?" Lily asked.
"Yeah," she said. "I'm trying to look out the window, but I can't see anything. It's too dark." She smiled weakly. "Symbolic, isn't it?" she said. Lily looked at Sirius, who signaled for her to swap seats. They did, and Sirius put his arm around her, grasping his wand.
"Lumos," he whispered, and the area outside the window was illuminated. Lena smiled gratefully.
"That was symbolic, too," he whispered.
One by one, the occupants of the carriage nodded off. Lily took out the potions essay she had started the night before … she would just finish this before she went to sleep.
"Hello," James whispered. She jumped.
"I thought you were asleep," she said.
"I was, but it's not that comfortable," James replied, rubbing his neck.
"I'm going to go to a separate compartment," Lily said. "I shrunk my record player," she said, holding up her bag. "There'll be more room to write, aswell." James nodded. Lily stood up and walked to the door, but then hesitated. She looked in two minds whether to turn around …
"Well … bye," she said eventually, and opened the door.
James was still rubbing his neck, and wondering what was up with Lily. Then it hit him, and he practically jumped up and ran out of the compartment. He knocked on the door of the next compartment down.
"Hi," Lily said, looking up and blushing slightly.
"Did you want me to—" he started.
"Only if you want to," she said nervously.
"Yeah," he said. "Sorry about back there, I should have realized what you meant." Lily shook her head.
"You're not a Legilimens," she said.
"I can tell what you're thinking now," he said.
"You're feeling guilty because we're … talking at a time like this." Lily half-smiled. "You're still scared, too. You don't know what to do. It'll be ok," he assured her. She stared at the floor.
"Lily, do you fancy me?" he asked. She looked up into his hazel eyes.
"Yeah," she admitted, "but Lena … and everyone else …"
"Then lets not tell them," James suggested.
"What?"
"Let's just keep it a secret," he went on excitedly. "Don't tell anyone."
"How will we manage that?" Lily asked.
"We'll manage," he promised. "So that's a 'yes'?"
"Yes," she said, smiling. James sat beside her.
"Thank you," he said, and kissed her.
*****
Ally stirred as James returned to the compartment.
"Hello," she said. "Where were you?"
"Bathroom," he replied, not missing a beat.
"Where'd Lily go?" Ally wanted to know. James shrugged.
"I woke up about ten minutes ago and she wasn't here," he said. "There was music coming from the next compartment," he added.
"Was it the Beatles?" Ally asked.
"I couldn't tell," he said.
"I'll pop out and check," Ally said, nipping out. James barely concealed his grin. Ally reappeared, smiling.
"She's fast asleep with a half-finished Potions essay beside her," Ally said. "It was the Beatles you heard." James already knew this, having just woke up on the other seat a few minutes beforehand.
"Oh," was all he said.
"I'd say she couldn't sleep," Ally guessed, yawning. "And she needed her Beatles."
"What do you mean?" James asked.
"When Lily's happy – she listens to the Beatles," Ally said. "When she's sad, confused, angry, worried, scared or nervous – she listens to the Beatles. It's how she copes." James smiled. By the time the train pulled in to Kings Cross Station, Lily had returned and the sky was becoming brighter by the second. Ally shook Peter, the only person left sleeping, awake and they all scrambled from the train clutching heir overnight bags and rubbing stiff necks and backs. A tall man with red hair approached them.
"Hello," he said. "I'm Arthur Weasley. You must be Lena."
"Hello," Lena replied. "These are my friends," she went on, and one by one, they introduced themselves.
"Where are you all staying?" Mr. Weasley asked.
"The Leaky Cauldron," Lily told him.
"You're welcome at ours," he offered.
"We couldn't impose—"
"Nonsense," Arthur interrupted. "You'd be more than welcome."
"Well, we'll see," James said. "There are eight of us, and we're not all landing in on top of your poor wife."
"Molly's be in her element," Arthur insisted. "Shall we catch the tube?" he asked, his eyes shining with excitement, though he was trying hard to conceal it. He looked thoroughly confused with his Muggle money.
"Would you like some help, Mr. Weasley?" Lily offered.
"Oh, yes, thank you," he said gratefully, handing over the money.
The tube rattled through several stations, rather empty at first but as they neared their destination, commuters began to appear. Lily stared out the window eagerly as they pulled up at Tooting Broadway, but then remembered that her dad normally took the bus to work. They headed straight for St Mungos, where Lena was shown into a room on the floor entitled 'Spell Damage,' and gasped. It was the hardest thing she had ever done. Seeing her parents there, terrified looks on their faces, made it all seem too real. She came out of the room, shaking, and was immediately enveloped in a hug, though she couldn't ever remember whom.
She felt as though she couldn't breath, and it wasn't because of the hug. Mr. Weasley had then removed a Portkey from his pocket and activated it, insisting that he was under strict instructions from his wife to bring Lena over for breakfast, and simply did not want to risk returning without her.
Mrs. Weasley was possibly the nicest woman James had ever met. She fussed endlessly over Lena and insisted that they all have seventh helpings. As James tried to insist that he could not bear to even look at another sausage, he spotted three heads staring around the doorframe. One looked about nine, another was a bit older than him and carrying a baby.
"Mum, who are all these people?" the oldest asked, entering the kitchen and depositing the baby on the floor.
"Oh, hello, Bill, darling," Mrs. Weasley said. "Come on in, Charlie. Yes, Percy, I know you're there," she went on, picking up the baby that had been tugging at the bottom of her robes, and handing him to her husband.
"Why are there people here?" Bill asked again.
"This is Lena, Helen and Matt's daughter," Mrs. Weasley explained. "Do you remember them telling you about her?" Bill nodded.
"She goes to Hogwarts," he said. Mrs. Weasley nodded.
"Why is she here, then?" Charlie asked, taking the seat James had just vacated. Molly and Arthur exchanged a look.
"Never mind, dear, here, have some sausages," she said, handing him a plate.
"Sausages?" Bill asked, taking Remus' chair. "We never have sausages for breakfast on a weekday."
"Well, eat up," Mrs. Weasley said, handing Bill his plate.
"Who are you?" Charlie asked Sirius in an accusatory tone, spearing a sausage.
"I'm Lena's friend," he said.
"Do you go to Hogwarts?" Bill asked.
"Don't talk with your mouth full, dear," Mrs. Weasley reprimanded, pouring some porridge into a bowl for Percy.
"We'll head to the Leaky Cauldron," Kim offered. "Get out from under your feet."
"Are you sure?" Mr. Weasley asked, moving his head so that Percy couldn't reach his glasses. Kim nodded. Lena was still sitting in her chair, staring into space and gripping Sirius' hand under the table. Mrs. Weasley looked at her sadly.
"Perhaps Lena would be better off staying here," she said, casting a Cooling Charm on the bowl.
"We'll stay too," Lily and Sirius said. "We'll meet up around lunchtime." So James, Remus, Peter Ally and Kim said goodbye and Floo-ed to the Leaky Cauldron. Soon after, Mr. Weasley kissed his wife and baby son goodbye, ruffled his other sons' hair, and Disapparated. Lena looked incredibly tired, and so when Mrs. Weasley suggested lying down, merely nodded numbly and lay down on the Weasley's couch. Lily went in to sit with her until she fell asleep. Bill was still fixing Sirius with an interested look.
"Do you go to Hogwarts?" he asked.
Sirius nodded.
"What house are you in?" Charlie asked.
"Gryffindor," Sirius replied. "What age are you?" he went on, deciding to turn the tables a bit.
"Ten," Bill replied.
"I'm eight and five sixths," Charlie said.
"Won't be long until you're in Hogwarts, then," Sirius said to Bill.
"No," Bill said.
"Do you play Quidditch?" Charlie asked. Sirius nodded.
"For Gryffindor?" Bill checked. Sirius nodded.
"So does she," Charlie said. "Her mum told us." Sirius looked into the living room at Lena.
"She's amazing," he told the young boys. "An excellent Chaser."
"What position do you play in?"
"Beater," Sirius replied. "And you two?"
"Chaser," Bill replied.
"I'm a Seeker," Charlie said proudly.
"How do you know?" Bill challenged. "You've never even seen a Snitch."
"I just know," his brother replied defensively.
"Now boys, no arguments, please," their mother called from the other room, where she was getting Percy dressed. "Run along and get dressed, and then you can go and play some Quidditch." They raced up the stairs and emerged minutes later.
"Do you want to come?" Bill asked Sirius. Sirius looked at Lena, who was now sleeping, not peacefully, but sleeping nonetheless.
"Go on," Lily said, "I'll stay here."
"Are you sure?" he asked. Lily nodded. "I won't be long," he said, and kissed Lena on the forehead before leaving. Bill and Charlie snickered as they led him to the orchard, handing him their father's old broom.
"She's you're girlfriend," they accused.
"I know," Sirius replied calmly.
"Girls are icky," Charlie announced.
"You won't think that for long," Sirius promised them. "They're actually fun." Bill and his brother exchanged disbelieving look as they mounted their brooms.
Back in the house, Mrs. Weasley settled Percy into a very
large playpen and took a seat at the table. Lily joined her.
"Would you like a cup of tea, dear?" Mrs. Weasley offered. Lily nodded
gratefully. Mrs. Weasley sighed. "Poor thing," she said, looking at the
sleeping Lena. "I dread to imagine what she's going through."
"Me too," Lily said. "I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to my parents."
"Neither do I, and I'm a grown woman," Molly said. "They were such lovely people …" An owl flew in the window, and Lily sat up.
"That's my owl, Orion," she explained, taking the letter from her. "I wrote to my parents to tell them what had happened."
"What do they do?" Mrs. Weasley asked.
"They're both Muggles," Lily said. "My dad's a banker." Molly smiled.
"Don't tell Arthur," she warned. "He adores Muggles. Loved Matt, of course, asked him endless questions." Lily smiled.
"Well, dad never stops asking questions about the magic world, so maybe we should get them together," Lily said. "He was close to Matt, too. I suppose they could relate to each pother, they both discovered about the magic world all of a sudden. Matt half lived in it, so he was a bit of a help to dad. Dad got the fright of his life when he took me shopping in Diagon Alley my first year." Mrs. Weasley stooped to pick up a toy that Percy had dropped out of the playpen. "What age is he?" Lily asked.
"Fifteen months," Mrs. Weasley answered proudly, "and, do you know he's the best behaved of the three of them already."
"Bill and Charlie seem nice, too," Lily said.
"Oh, they are," Mrs. Weasley said. "I'm blessed with my boys."
Lena woke up after about an hour and joined the boys in the orchard for a while. She was dreading going to Wainscotting, to face her friends and the others at her dad's school. She stepped into the dingy interior of the Hag's Head, the magical pup in Wainscotting. The bartender grunted sympathetically at Lena, she wasn't surprised, he never spoke.
She didn't think she'd ever forget the false bodies at the Muggle hospital. They looked grey and horrible, with bullet holes. She felt incredibly nauseous, but Sirius kept his hand in her shoulder, and whispered, "It's not real, it's not real."
She visited her dad's school, and saw many people who looked just as numb as she felt. There were people bursting into tears everywhere, making her feel very guilty. She hadn't been able to cry since the night it happened … there was an ever-present lump in her throat, but the tears wouldn't come. CJ hugged her, looking pale and shocked, as did the entire town of Wainscotting.
None of the Muggles seemed to have imagined that a robbery at gunpoint was possible in the sleepy Dorset village. The magical community was reeling also, the threat of Voldemort suddenly becoming very real.
Lena attended both memorial services on the same day. She stood in front of the local high school and spoke about her dad …
"… He loved to teach. He even taught me, from a very early age, Shakespeare and all that. I never enjoyed it much, but he did finally get to me this summer. He instilled in me a love of culture, literature and art. He was the best father anyone could ask for, also. He kissed scraped knees and taught me how to ride a bicycle. I'll never forget the way he used to tuck me in at night, and worry every time I got on that train to go to school. I'll always be his little girl, and I can't believe he won't be there for the next parts of my life …"
And to a gathering of witches and wizards, she spoke about her mum …
"… She lived with one foot in both worlds, and coped amazingly. She was so proud when I got my letter, and when she waved me off from Platform Nine and Three Quarters. She also taught me how to play Quidditch, and invented a move that is, hopefully, going to lead Gryffindor to the Quidditch Cup this year. I'm so sorry she won't be here to see me hold that cup up, but I'll be doing it for you, Mum …"
If it wasn't for Lily, Sirius or the others, and their constant presence, Lena knew she wouldn't have made it. Sirius held her hand and sat in silence with her, meeting her eye at both memorial services.
Lena was glad to get back to Hogwarts, where she could retreat to her dormitory away from everyone, but never alone. Sirius or Lily were always by her side.
"I'm worried, Lily," Sirius said one night. Lena was sleeping and he was sitting on Lily's bed. "She hasn't said a word in weeks."
"I know," Lily said. "I wish she'd talk to us." Sirius sighed.
"I'd better go get cracking on my homework," he said. He kissed Lena lightly on the forehead before leaving.
"Bye," Lily called, finishing a Charms essay that was about five foot longer than necessary. She sighed and took out some pieces of parchment from her trunk. She flipped through them absently. It had been her that had started to write to James again, she needed something to take her mind off things.
…It feels weird to be going on with this, but we have to, I suppose. Play track 12 on Revolver …
Which went …
'I want to tell you,
My head is filled with things to say,
But when you're near,
All those words, they seem to slip away.
When I get near you,
The games begin to drag me down …'James had replied: …yes, we should keep going. If I had sent this letter two weeks ago, I'd probably have chosen track 13 …
Lily smiled.
'Got to get you into my life …'Instead, he had recommended track 5 …
'To lead a better life,
I need my love to be here.
Here, making each day of the year
Changing my life with a wave of her hand
Nobody can deny
That there's someone there.
There, running my hand through her hair,
Both of thinking how good life can be …'Lily sent back a copy of Rubber Soul, and the words: … I like going out with you, but I feel so guilty leaving Lena. It's like it says on track 8, 'What goes on in my mind, it is tearing me apart…' I suppose I will get used to it, though …
James replied: … I know, it's tough. But Lena would understand, and you mustn't take it on yourself to get her through this, she has all of us aswell. By the way, have you ever been called Michelle? Lovely name, play track 7 …
Lily remembered …
'Michelle, ma belleThese are words that go together well,
My Michelle.
Michelle, ma belle,
Sont les mots qui vont très bien ensemble,
Très bien ensemble …'His letters had helped a lot. She didn't think she'd be able to tell anyone, not until Lena was coping better. She sighed and put the letters away.
*****
Sirius finished his own (much shorter) Charms essay and threw it aside. He lay flat on his back.
"Still not talking?" James asked. Sirius shook his head.
"I don't know what to do," he said. "I mean, I have absolutely no idea how she's feeling. If she talked to me, I might have some idea, but now I haven't got a clue how to help her." Remus was tossing James' yellow ball in silence.
"What about Lily?" Remus asked.
"No, not a word, not even to her," Sirius said. "She just sits, holding my hand." It was clear to Remus that this was causing Sirius just as much pain as Lena was feeling. He took a deep breath.
"Would you like me to talk to her?" Remus asked. Sirius sat up, startled. He studied Remus carefully.
"Do you want to?" James asked. Remus couldn't say he did.
"I could help," he said. "I have some idea as to how she's feeling. I mean, it wasn't the same thing, but—"
"If you feel up to it," Sirius said.
"Ok," Remus said. He thought about it all that night. He wasn't sure if he was up to it, until he saw Lily trying to strike up a conversation with a numb-looking Lena at breakfast the next morning.
"Sirius," he said in a low voice, "I'll try."
*****
On Remus' instructions, Sirius asked Lily to give Remus some time alone with Lena. Lily looked perplexed for a second.
"Don't ask why," Sirius went on. "Remus might be able to help."
"OK," she said, feeling rather guilty as she was just about to ask Sirius if he could be with Lena that night, James had asked her if she could meet him ...she caught up with him just as he was heading to Runes.
"James," she whispered. He whipped around, checked that the coast was clear, and took her hand.
"Can you come tonight?" he asked.
"Well, Remus is talking to Lena," she said. "I suppose I could for a while …" James gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Stop feeling guilty," he said. "We'll be back before they're done."
"Ok," she said. "Where are we going?"
"You'll see," he said, dropping her hand as they entered the classroom.
*****
James couldn't wait. He was really enjoying writing to Lily; it was something he'd never done before. Lily was having fun too, though she was still wrestling with her conscience …
… Here's something to listen to, track 12 on Help! And track 9 on Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band …
Which went …
'Falling, yes I am falling,
And you keep calling,
Me back again.
I've just seen a face I can't forget
The time or place when we just met …'… And …
'When I get older, loosing my hair,
Many years from now,
Will you still be sending me a Valentine,
Birthday greetings, bottle of wine?
If I'd been out 'till a quarter to three,
Would you lock the door?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four? …'To which James replied …
… Of course I would! I'll still need you when we're 164!! D'you know, things have been looking up, like on track 4 …'
On which Paul sang …
'I've got to admit it's getting better,
It's getting better all the time.
I have to admit it's getting better,
So much better since you've been mine …'Lily wrote back: …it is, isn't it? I wish I could say the same for Lena, though … oh well, play track 11 on 'Please Please Me' …'
James remembered smiling particularly widely …
'Listen, do you want to know a secret?
Do you promise not to tell?
Whoa,
Closer, let me whisper in your ear,
Say the words you long to hear,
I'm in love with you …'James told her that his favorite on that album was … track 9, it really suits this letter stuff …'
And it did …
'As I write this letter,
Send my love to you,
Remember that I'll always,
Be in love with you.
Treasure these few word 'till we're together,
Keep all my love forever,
P.S I love you …'Lily's reply said: …it does. This is one of my favorite songs, it's on the second record of this album … nicknamed 'The White Album,' well, it should be pretty obvious as to why …'
The album cover was completely white, except for a small stamped serial number. James played it …
'Do you, don't you want me to love you? I'm coming down fast, but I'm miles above you …'James wrote back: … do you remember you asked me 'If I fell in love with you …?' Well, the answer can be found on track 16, record 1 …
Which said …
'Who knows how long I've loved you?You know I love you still.
Will I wait a lonely lifetime?
If you want me to, I will …
Love you forever and forever,
Love you with all my heart,
Love you whenever we're together,
Love you when we're apart …'Just for good measure, he also asked ...what about track 15? …
'Why don't we do it in the road?Why don't we do it in the road?
Why don't we do it in the road?
Why don't we do it in the road?
No one will be watching us,
Why don't we do it in the road?…'Lily merely wrote back saying: …This is getting rather silly, don't you think? …
James agreed. He loved the letters stuff, but he wanted to meet her in person, too. So that was why he was smiling so wide his face was in danger of cracking as he led her to a room just off the Astronomy Tower, with amazing views of the grounds, the lake, and the sky.
"This is breathtaking," Lily said, staring out the large window. James couldn't take his eyes off her.
"I'll say," he said, wrapping his arm around her. "The view out the window's not bad, either." Lily laughed.
"You can be very smarmy at times, James Potter," she said, turning around.
"You bring it out in me," he accused. "I feel compelled to compliment you every time I see you. You deserve it, though," he added, kissing her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: This was a longie … Nine pages, wow. I'm surprised at myself … I thought I wouldn't be able to write without my darling sisters, who are gone away for three weeks. I miss them!!
Anyway, as usual, if you'd like to be emailed every time I update, leave your email address blah, blah blah …