THROUGH THE YEARS
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WARNING: Teen drinking and talk of sexual abuse in this chapter. If this offends you, then don't read it!
a/n: I had a hard time writing this chapter. No matter how I worded it, it still sounds awkward. I was tempted into skipping this chapter and going to the next, but I needed to resolve the issues from the last chapter, so I had to write it! Anyways, I was happy to read that several of you liked the last chapter. For those of you who lost respect for Sam for dating Rob, just remember, she's only a teenager. We've all been teenagers! You know how it is! Don't judge her too harshly! She doesn't have the life experience yet to be the strong, confident officer we all know and love!
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Chapter 6: Midnight Confessions
Sam tried to have fun at prom. She really, really did! However, thoughts of Jack and the kisses they had shared earlier would not leave her mind, causing her to be quite withdrawn throughout the evening. She could remember dancing with Rob. She could remember the photographer teasing Rob about his black eye as they posed for their prom picture. She could remember laughing at the boys trying to breakdance. She could even remember how nasty the catered food had tasted. But, what she remembered the most was the way Jack's lips felt pressed against her own. She could vividly remember the feel of his tongue caressing the inside of her mouth. She could still smell him as if his scent was embedded in her skin. The harder she tried to focus all her attention on her current surroundings, the more thoughts of Jack flooded her mind!
Liz and Rob had noticed Sam's distance. In fact, they too, were both distraught over the earlier events. Liz had stressed her disapproval over Sam and Rob dating from the beginning. She was all too well aware that someone, if not all three of them were going to end up hurt! However, she took no refuge in knowing she was right! Rob knew he would have had to tell Jack sooner or later. He knew Jack would take it bad, but at the same time, he felt like Jack couldn't get too mad at him. After all, Rob liked Sam before Jack had even met her! Of course, his black eye was obvious proof that Jack wasn't quite as understanding as Rob expected!
They all went through the motions at prom and before long, headed for the exit and their awaiting limo. Rob, Liz and Mike had plans to attend the after-prom party one of the other seniors was throwing. Sam, however, declined the invitation and asked to be dropped off at home.
"Sam?" Rob started, pulling Sam lightly by the arm before she stepped into the limo.
"What?" Sam asked, taking a step away from the limo and giving Rob her full attention.
"It's because of Jack that you won't go to this party with me, isn't it?" He questioned her, a sad look on his face.
Sam lowered her head. "I don't know. Maybe, I guess. I just…I don't know. I wasn't expecting to see him. I thought he moved on. This is really hard for me, Rob."
"I know. I'm sorry. I wish he would have just stayed in Colorado and not wrecked our night." Rob replied, in somewhat of an angry voice.
"Don't be like that, Rob. He came here to see you graduate. He didn't purposely try to wreck the night. He didn't know about us." She quietly told him, raising her head to look at him.
"I know………… You still care about him, don't you?" Rob asked her in a soft voice.
"Yeah. Even though we only saw each other once before, I think I will always care about him. I don't know how much or anything. I can't say I love him. But, I do care about him."
"What about me?" Rob asked, softly.
"I care about you, too."
"As much as Jack." He asked.
The look in Sam's eyes told Rob the truth, even if her words didn't. "I don't know, Rob. I really don't know."
"Ok, Sam. Well, let's get you home." He said sadly, wrapping his arm around her and guiding her towards the opened limo door.
The limo drove to Sam's house and after telling the three remaining occupants, "goodnight" and "have fun", Sam shut the door and headed up her walkway. Just as she was about to step up on her porch, a dark figure stepped out of the shadows next to her house. Sam didn't shriek, she didn't jump, she didn't run. She knew who it was. Without seeing him or feeling him or smelling him. Somehow, she just knew it was him. As if, in some cosmic way, they were connected. "Whatcha' doing, Jack?" She asked him, grinning a little.
"Nothing." He replied casually, walking over to her. "Did you have fun?"
"Well, all in all, it was a nice night." Sam told him.
"And yet, you're home early." He responded, looking at her and raising his eyebrows.
"Yeah, well, I don't want to push it. I have a pretty good idea what happens after prom!" Sam joked.
"Really?" Jack asked sarcastically. Then, in a more serious tone, "so, you and Rob haven't.."
"Oh, God, no!" Sam shrieked. "We've only been going out for a little more than two weeks! He's barely gotten to first base!"
"He's gotten to first base?" Jack asked softly, grinning at Sam, even though he was a little disappointed.
Sam lowered her head. "Yeah." She whispered.
"Do you think you two will…uhm…"
"I don't know. The truth is, I still don't know Rob that well. You have a better chance of….." Sam trailed off, embarrassed at what she was about to say.
Jack's head shot up and he looked at Sam. "Really?" He asked in astonishment.
Sam smiled at him. "Not that I would right now or anything…..I'm just saying, someday, uh…."
Jack finished for her. "Someday, when you're ready."
Sam looked up into his eyes. "Yeah, I guess." She whispered.
Jack gazed into her eyes for several seconds before speaking again. "You'd really want me to uh…….um…..you know, be your first?" He stuttered out, looking back at the ground.
"You wouldn't be my first." She told him barely above a whisper.
Jack's head shot back up. "Really? You're not a…..You've had uh…….You're not…."
"No, I'm not a virgin."
"Uh, when?" He asked. Figuring that was the closest he was going to get in forming a sentence.
"I haven't been with anyone here……but, when I was in California, uh, I did things I wasn't proud of. One thing, in particular, was a man named Carl." Sam confessed, lowering her head in shame. She had no idea why she was willing to talk to him about this, especially now. Especially when her own feelings between the two brothers were so confusing!
Jack could see the indecision in Sam's face and reached over and enveloped Sam's hands in his own. "It's ok, Sam. You can tell me. You can tell me anything." He whispered.
Sam wrapped her fingers around his and squeezed them. "Um, remember when I told you that Mark and I rebelled?"
Jack nodded.
"Well, there was this guy, Carl. He was a few years older than Mark. I thought he was really cool. I was only 15. He had his own apartment, a cool car. He bought me alcohol, let me hang out at his place when I skipped school. He talked me into it. I thought he liked me……" Sam's voice cracked.
Jack pulled one of his hands from Sam and wrapped it around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him.
"We did it and then he started treating me really bad. He started calling me names. Forcing himself on me whenever we were together. I was too young and stupid to just get away from him. It went on for months before my brother found out what was happening and beat the crap out of him. I-I never felt so relieved in my life. To finally have it over with." Sam looked up into Jack's warm, brown eyes. "I never want to feel that weak again. That's one reason why I decided to join the Air Force. I can go for the career I've always wanted, and I can be trained in protecting myself, protecting others."
Jack broke eye contact to pull Sam closer to him. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that." He whispered in her ear. "Does Rob know?"
"No. Only Liz. My dad doesn't even know. Just Mark and Liz and now you. Please, Jack, don't tell anyone." She pleaded.
He turned and kissed her on the side of her head. "I won't. Ever. I promise."
"Thank you." She said, wrapping her arms around him and holding on to him tightly.
"Sam?" Jack asked a few minutes later.
"Yes."
"Why did you tell me?"
Sam was quiet for some time before she answered him. "I don't know. I guess…it's just…well, you were the first person I've been attracted to since it happened. I know I'm weak, but, before I met you, I had no interest in dating boys. I think, I think I was somewhat scared of them. Scared they would hurt me like he did. God, Jack! I don't know why I'm telling you all this! I don't mean to throw this on you! Please don't think less of me!"
"Oh Sam! I could never think less of you. You have to believe me!" Jack told her, wrapping her entire body into his.
"Um, do you want to go for a walk?" Sam asked a few minutes later when both their heart beats had returned to normal.
"Sure. If you want." He said, reluctantly releasing her from his hold.
"Uh, just let me run in and change. Come on, you can wait inside for me."
"Um, what about your dad?" Jack asked, a slight hint of fear in his voice.
"It'll be okay." She assured him, pulling him up the porch and opening the front door. "Just wait here, I'll be right back." She told him, squeezing his hand before releasing it and then smiling sweetly at him before running up the stairs.
Jack glanced around the house, nervously. Thoughts of an irate colonel running around in his head. He tried to remain as still as a statue to avoid making any noise whatsoever and alerting the colonel to his presence. But, it was a pointless attempt. Only seconds after Sam's body vanished at the top of the stairs, Col. Carter came strolling in to view.
"Good evening, O'Neill." The colonel said, sounding friendly enough, but Jack caught the obvious glare in his eyes.
"Good evening, sir." Jack replied, standing up a little straighter in front of the door.
"So, how did you end up here? Give your brother another black eye?"
"No, sir. I was out walking when I saw the limo drop Sam off. From what I understand, the rest of them headed off to a party."
"I see." Col. Carter said evenly, keeping his gaze locked on Jack. "I suppose if it wasn't for you showing up, out of the blue, Sammy would probably have gone to that party."
"Sir?" Jack asked, confused and not quite sure what the colonel was getting at.
"Just yesterday, Sam was bouncing off the walls over prom. Then, you show back up and she didn't even look like she wanted to go when that limo pulled up earlier. I know there is something between you two…"
"Sir, I…"
"Can it, O'Neill. The only thing I want to hear from you is your promise that you will never hurt my little girl and you will never, never take advantage of her."
"I promise, sir!" Jack got out, just before Sam came bouncing back down the stairs, wearing a large sweatshirt and a pair of jeans.
"You ready?" She asked, looking over at Jack as she grabbed a blanket out of the hall closet.
Jack didn't immediately respond, a little worried about what the colonel would say.
Sam looked over at her dad. "We're going for a walk, dad. I'm going to show Jack the hill off of Potter Road."
"Okay, sweetie! Don't stay out too late." Jacob told her. "O'Neill, I expect you to be on good behavior and remember what we discussed."
"Yes, sir!" Jack responded, opening the door and backing up to allow Sam to exit first.
Sam led Jack down the street to the end of the block. Turning, they headed three streets down before making another turn down a dead-end street. "Where are we going, again?" Jack asked after seeing the dead end.
Sam looked up at him and grinned. "You'll see, come on!" And, with that said, she let go of his hand and jumped over the guard rail at the end of the street. Jack shook his head at her enthusiasm and hopped over the rail behind her. That's when he noticed the dirt path leading through the trees. He followed behind Sam as she walked up the inclined path. After walking a few minutes, the trees cleared out and Jack realized they were standing at the top of a large hill. Sam laid the blanket out on the ground and sat on it. "What is this?" Jack asked.
"The hill at the end of Potter Road." Sam told him as if it was quite obvious. "Most of the teenagers in the neighborhood come here to make out, but, I prefer stargazing. The stars are really bright from here. I've even brought my telescope with me a few times."
Jack sat next to her on the blanket. "So, how did you find this place?"
"Do you really want to know?" She teased, smiling at him.
He looked at her for a few seconds before answering. "Probably not." He grumbled.
Sam laughed. "Actually, I've never been here with a boy. Liz and Kelly brought me here right after we met and I told them I wanted to be an astronaut."
"Oh." Jack replied, relieved.
Sam laid down on the blanket and looked up at the clear night sky. Jack followed her lead and laid down next to her, reaching over and grasping her hand in his. They were silent for awhile as their eyes adjusted to the night sky and they gazed at the star-filled heaven above.
"I've been thinking." Jack started, still staring up at the sky. "I think it's a good thing you and Rob are together."
"Really?" Sam asked, incredulously. "That's quite a 180!" She nervously laughed and squeezed his hand. "A few hours ago, you gave him a black eye! Now, you're giving your blessing! What's changed?"
Jack was silent. Not sure how to word the feelings in his heart. He wanted to tell her so much, but, had no idea how! Voicing his feelings was not something he was good at. At all! "I don't know." He told her, a few minutes later. "I guess I just realized we may never have the fairy tale relationship."
Sam looked over at him. Sadness and surprise evident on her face. "What do you mean?" She asked, somewhat shakily.
"Well, as much as I don't want to admit it, the truth is…..our lives are different. We're both going in different directions right now. I'm on my way to Florida for flight school and who knows where I'll be after that. You're just finishing your junior year in high school. It's not realistic to wait on each other. We have no idea when we'll even see each other again. I'm glad you have my brother. You could have had your choice of any number of boys in your school. I guess it's kind of flattering that you would pick someone so much like me. And, at least if he ever hurts you, I know where he lives."
Sam giggled at Jack's last sentence. "Jack. Promise me I'll always be in your heart, somewhere." Sam whispered.
"Always, Sam. Always."
"Good. You'll always be in mine, too." Sam turned just enough to rest her head on Jack's shoulder. "Did you really not have the time to write?" She asked, changing the subject.
"Uh, yes and no, I guess. I really was busy."
"But!" Sam prompted.
"But, I did have an opportunity to sit down and write you a few times. I just, I just couldn't. I just didn't know what to write. Writing letters is not easy for me. I-I get flustered easily. I'm sorry."
"I forgive you." Sam said, snuggling a little more into his shoulder.
"Good." Jack sighed, reaching his hand over and rubbing Sam's hair. They stayed like that until Jack informed Sam it was almost 0200! Quickly folding up the blanket, they headed back, knowing that their relationship, whatever it was, had deepened to a new level.
Sam let Jack and Rob spend time alone to fix their own relationship. She spent quite a bit of time alone herself, trying to figure out what her heart was trying to tell her. The day after Rob's graduation, Jack decided to head on down to Florida. He figured an extra day to unpack was a good idea. Sam came down to tell him good-bye right before he left.
Rob watched from a distance at the looks between Jack and Sam as he approached her in the yard. "So." Sam said softly, looking up in those eyes she loved.
"So." Jack replied in a slightly, sad voice. "I guess promising to write is out of the question?" He joked.
Sam laughed. "Yeah, I guess so." She smiled at him. "Well, until we meet again, Jack O'Neill."
Jack smiled back. "Until we meet again." He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. Finally pulling away, he looked back at her face, memorizing every detail. Letting go, he walked over to Rob. Embracing his brother in one more hug, he leaned in and whispered in his ear. "You hurt her and you'll have to deal with me." He warned him, before pulling away and heading for the station wagon.
Rob walked over and wrapped his arm lightly around Sam. "You okay?" He asked her, seeing the moisture forming in her eyes.
"Yeah." She told him, reaching up and grasping his hand. "I'm good."
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July 1983
"Sam! Exactly how much have you had to drink!" Liz squealed at her friend, as she stumbled her way back into the room.
"I d'know. I lost track aft' the third beer and second tek, tek, hehehe, tequil-laaa shot." Sam drunkenly replied. The girls were at a party with Rob and Mike, drinking heavily.
Rob walked in and put his arm around Sam. "Liz, you getting any better at the quarter-bounce?" He asked while watching his sister concentrate really hard to bounce her quarter into the shot glass in front of her.
"Uh huh." Liz told him, bouncing the quarter and watching it intently as it bounced off the side of the glass, back on to the table and then rolled across the surface. "Ugh!" She groaned, chasing after the quarter with her hand.
Several other boys in the room laughed at her while one refilled her shot glass for another try. Mike, who was starting to feel a little territorial, took the seat next to her and tried talking her out of drinking anymore. He was well-aware his girlfriend was past her limit!
"Come on, Sam." Rob whispered in Sam's ear as he tugged her out of the room. "Let's go be alone for a little bit."
"O-key, do-key!" Sam slurred and allowed Rob to lead her out of the room.
He took her to one of the empty bedrooms in the house and shut the door. Leaning in to her, he kissed her passionately. A drunken Sam kissed him back just as passionately. Before long, Sam's shirt and bra had been removed, along with Rob's shirt and they had found their way to the bed. Rob was kissing and feeling his way over Sam's body. Finally making it past first base with her! He kissed his way back up her body and attacked her neck with his lips.
"Oh! Jack!" Sam moaned.
Rob froze.
Sam, still drunk, realized the attack on her body had ceased and leaned her head up to see what was wrong. She looked at Rob, noticing the look of shock on his face. "What?" She asked him, a little annoyed.
"You just called me Jack." He told her.
"Oh! Shit!" Was all she managed to get out before she put her head back down and passed out.
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