Not for your ears
Voices, fight, blood . . . Did it finally end? I open my eyes and see a familiar roof. A quick look around myself and realize that I'm in the Hogwarts's ward and it's night. Why I have so much pain in my body? Even breath is painful in this moment… Stand up hardly and just now figured out what happened…
We were in a battle against Voldemort, he attacked Hogwarts. I fought beside Harry and Ron, and I prayed that they would be ok. I remembered about dueling with Belatrix, while Harry was fighting against Voldemort. The death of Dumbledore, last year, makes things difficult, I thought that would be the end. Although Snape had been a betrayer, we kept Hogwarts and trained so hard during the whole year waiting the day everything would end. I hoped it would end.
While fighting, Harry received a lot of spells and got attenuate, I was scared, but he was strong, and he wouldn't give it up so easily, like me. I didn't give it up, I trusted in him and always believed that Harry was the only person who could kill Voldemort. So, when I noticed that he would overpower Harry, I pushed my friend and received the spell. That was the reason of my pain now, that means I didn't die in that moment, but I wasn't ok yet.
Now I can see several students here with me in the ward too. I will look for my friends, and soon, I find Ron in the bed beside mine; he seems to be sleeping, the left leg hurt, but not bleeding anymore. My heart beats fast, why can't I find Harry? Would he…? No, of course not! Harry certainly defeated Voldemort, or we wouldn't be here. Because of my wound, I have difficulty walking , Voldemort's spell hit the left side of my body, I have a bandage around my waist, but soon I'll have to change it, because it's bleeding again, but I don't care, I need find Harry!
Walking slowly by each bed, looking for him and making sure that everybody is fine. I feel my heart beat fast again when I see a body covered with a white sheet. With all my courage I go there and take the sheet off, but my eyes are closed until I have the courage to look at the face under the sheet. Besides the sadness, when I see Neville's body, it gave me a relief to see that it wasn't Harry there.
"Rest in peace Neville," I said and recovered his body.
I start to walk once again. There are three more beds that I hadn't checked out yet. Ouch, that really hurts! I know that after receiving a spell like that, I should be resting for at least forty-eight hours, but I have to find Harry! I won't be in peace until I am sure he is fine. Taking a deep breath, I put my left hand on my waist and go slowly to those beds.
Thank God I found him! Yes, Harry is here too, not with a white sheet over his body, and he is breathing… he lives! Ouch! I have to remember, celebrate later, because now it is too painful. He looks so tired, few wounds are in his face and his right arm is bandaged. I get closer and finally smile again, everything had really ended! There was a chair next the bed, so I sat there. The arm, which wasn't hurt, was near me and involuntarily, I touch his hand.
"Harry," I whispered, to not wake up the people who were next to us, but even so, Harry wakes up, " I'm so happy you're fine, I would die if I lost you."
These words are so true like, my feelings about him… I have been in love with Harry for two years, but sometimes I think I always loved him, but never realized it. It wasn't easy to accept what I felt. I tried so hard to control my feelings for a while. I even tried lying to myself and pretending he was just a friend, but it was useless. Harry is much more than a friend to me, unfortunately I, am just a friend to him.
Yes, he doesn't love me, he loves Ginny. Last year they dated, I had never cried that much in my whole life, seeing them together was so painful… and when he told me they had broken up, I was so happy. I know it was terrible, my best friend sad and I was celebrating, but I can't lie and pretend that I didn't get happy. Maybe I could have a chance with him… unfortunately, my happiness didn't last five minutes, because Harry told me the reason of the break up: to protect her, and I had imagined that he didn't like Ginny anymore.
He also tried to separate Ron and me, wanting to isolate himself and not risk anybody's life, but I disagreed with him. I couldn't abandon Harry when he needed us more than he knew. He didn't have Sirius anymore, Dumbledore was dead, he just broke up with the girl he liked. I was his best friend, I couldn't leave him alone! Even if it meant that I would never have his love, at least I could be by his side.
And that was what I did, stood by his side, but that didn't mean that Ron had abandoned Harry, he just hadn't much time since he started dating Luna Lovegood. Harry and I became closer, our friendship stronger than it was before.
Flashback
Harry was sitting next to the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room, different than of the most students, he would spend the Christmas in the castle, while everybody was preparing to leave. He could just sit and watch as they ran after last minute items and said their goodbyes. In this moment, Hermione entered through the fat woman's portrait.
"Harry, what are you doing? Why aren't you arranging your luggage?" Hermione asks, while getting closer to him.
"I didn't accept Ron's invitation," he answered.
"Haven't you forgotten her yet, have you?"She asked, standing in front of him, as he looked at her.
"It wasn't because of Ginny," he said, deviating the look.
"Ah, sure! You can't lie to me Mr. Potter! I can see in your eyes that you still like her," Hermione said, trying not to look sad. It hurt to remember that, but it hurt more seeing Harry sad.
"I just think it will be better if I train more these days," Harry said.
"Harry, you need to rest too," Hermione said, sitting beside him, in that moment Ginny passed and said, "hello." She noticed that Harry got happy only with that. "Why do you lie to yourself?"
"What?" Harry asked, turning to the right to see her better.
"You like her, why don't you stay together?"
"It's dangerous, Mione," Harry said sadly, "Who knows when I defeat Voldemort? If she still wants me…"
"I'm sure she will, Harry… I could go two hundred years and still want to be with you," Harry probably didn't notice, but in that last sentence, there was longing in Hermione's voice.
"Do you really think so?" He said, looking at her with tenderness and a small smile.
"Certainly," she answered, she wanted to cry right there, but held the tears. "Do you want to know something?"
"What?"
"What about spending this Christmas with me?" she asked.
"Come on, Mione! I can't allow it, you have your own family! Don't waste your time with me!" She smiled as his response.
"I insist! At least I can keep my eyes on you," Hermione said.
"Keep your eyes on me? Why?"
"That way I will be sure that you will have fun!" She told him, making him smile.
End of Flashback
I think that was the best Christmas of my life, just because I was with you, Harry! Now that I can touch your face, I wish it would last forever, after all the battle is over, you're finally free. You defeated Voldemort, that means you will date Ginny again, sometimes I wanted to forget that you love her, despite that I have nothing against Ginny. I really think she is a nice girl, but, she is not the one for you. And who would be the one for you? Me? Sometimes I believed in that, we're best friends, know everything about each other, we protect ourselves in a dangerous moments, we can understand each other without a word, just with a look…
I could say one hundred reasons for me to be the perfect girl for Harry Potter, but somehow I'm not. Would it be just because I'm a nerd? That people think I have no feelings? Or maybe, cause I'm not the most popular girl among the boys? Sometimes I believe I'm here just to be the best friend and help him in difficult moments. Doesn't matter, does it? After all no one knows about my feelings, only I do…
Flashback
It was a full moon night, Professor Lupin could not give extra classes to the seventh year students, which were given every Friday night, so Hermione was alone next to the lake, sitting on the grass, looking at the water move, with the fall's cold breeze.
"Hermione," she looked behind and saw Harry approaching, and gave him a small smile. "Were you running away from me?" He asked innocently, and it was true. She was running away from him, because she was scared about what he could confide with her. Hermione had seen Harry and Ginny talking that afternoon.
"No, of course not," she lied, looking one more time at the lake.
"If you wanted to lie to me, you should keep looking at my eyes," he said naturally and sat next to her. "You don't have to tell me why you ran away from me all afternoon, but please do not lie."
"I'm sorry," she said, even this moment, she couldn't help love him more.
"I was worried, but I think you're ok. Wanna me to go away?" Hermione looked at him
"No, stay with me," she asked, Harry smiled and hugged her, while Hermione rest her head over his shoulder.
"Since we're been friends, I always wished you to be happy," he said, "But now, we're close, and if it's possible, I want you more now than ever! I never thought I could like you that much, Hermione, and it seems to get bigger each day! That's why I would like to be able to make you happy again, cause I noticed you're not the same, you look sad and depressed. So many times I saw you crying, but you pretend and say that I'm wrong," he stopped for a moment, "You can't fool me anymore, Hermione."
"Ah, Harry," she took a deep breathe, and couldn't avoid that a tear rolled on her face. It would be so easy to make her happy, he just needed to love her.
"I know we're in difficult times, this is hard training, the final battle is yet to come, but I can't see my best friend sad," he finished. That was enough to erase any kind of hope after listening to that declaration. Hermione took a deep breathe cleaned her face and faced him.
"Don't worry, I'll be fine!" She said, "Let's think just about the final battle!"
"That's the only thing that makes you sad?" He asked.
"No." It was true, she was for about Harry's life
"So, I'll defeat Voldemort and end with this part of your pain," Harry told her and touched her face. "I will do this for you, Hermione!"
"Thank you, Harry!" She said. "Promises me something?"
"Anything."
"Promise me you will never leave me, that you will win this battle, and won't…
won't…"she started crying again and Harry held her.
"I promise you, Hermione! I will never leave you, I won't die in this battle!" He affirmed.
"Thank you," she cried for a while. After she calmed down, they talked a little, but Harry did not talk about Ginny, at least, not yet.
End of Flashback
Thanks for keeping one of those promises, Harry, but now, that everything is over, I set you free of the other one, cause I know you won't have much time for me. I just ask that you don't forget me ok? "Bloody hell, my wound is hurting," but why isn't Miss Pomfrey here? It's bleeding a lot, I need to change it.
"Harry, I'll have to find Miss Pomfrey now, but I'll come back soon to be here with you, ok?" I said to him, when I was going away, I saw him opening his eyes. Harry was waking up.
"Hermione," He whispered, he was probably very weak. I got close to hear him better.
"It's better don't say anything," He advised while she sat beside him again.
"Are you ok?" he asked slowly.
"Yes, and Ron is alive too," I let him know, "It's finally over, isn't it?"
"Yes, it's over," He closed his eyes, "I defeated him, Hermione! You can smile again!"
"Just knowing you're fine, Harry, makes me smile," I said with a big smile, "Thank you for..."
"Keeping the promise!"He completed, "I wouldn't allow myself not to keep it," he said, touching my face. He was smiling too, I would touch his with mine, but that was the hand I used to cover my wound, so it was dirty with blood. "You are bleeding?"
"It's nothing, my wound must have opened while I was walking," I tried to explain.
"You shouldn't have done this," he stopped, Harry was too weak.
"Shh… Don't make much effort," I asked.
"I need to call Miss Pomfrey, you can't bleed anymore, Hermione," he tried to get up.
"Hey, calm down, Harry!" I didn't allow him to get off the bed, "I can do this myself."
"Hermione, you're not ok," he said.
"Don't worry about me."
"I can't help not worrying about you, Hermione," he looked more weak, and probably would sleep again any moment, "I… I…
"Harry! Hermione," Ginny shouted at that moment, and ran to us, if I hadn't stopped she would have held me, and made me bleed more, "Sorry, Hermione! Are you ok?"
"Yes, I just have to change this," I said, Ginny looked at Harry with tenderness.
"I came here earlier, but you were sleeping," she told me, Harry was sleeping again.
"I woke up some minutes ago, and came here. Ron still unconscious."
"He woke up an hour ago, but Miss Pomfrey gave him more sleeping potion, cause he needs to recover," she said.
"I see, Where is she?"
"Through the castle, we have hurt students everywhere, here was too small, so we used other places," Ginny explained, she did not participate in battles, so she and other students preferred having medical class, "Hermione, you have to change this bandage."
"I know." I touched my wound.
"That hurts?" I nodded affirmatively. "I'd better take care of it soon, or it will get worse."
"All right," I gave a small smile, "I'll look for Miss Pomfrey".
"Wouldn't you rather have me do it?"she asked.
"No, I can do this! Stay with Harry, he will wake up soon."
"Ok, but be careful!" she advised.
"See you later," I said walking slowly to the exit of the ward, the truth was that I couldn't be with Harry anymore, remembering the moments we'd spent together while he was separated from Ginny, cause it hurt to know it wouldn't happen again.
I looked one more time before I left, I saw Ginny sitting in the same chair I sat in, holding his hand like I did. The final battle is over, Voldemort does not exist anymore, you're free to live and love. However, I ask myself if someday I could have be the one who you love… I love you, Harry, but I know that you'll be sad for not corresponding my feelings, and I don't want to see you sad, so I'll guard in my heart all my love… it's not for your ears.