THROUGH THE YEARS

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a/n: I was excited about this chapter because it puts a fun new twist on this story. So, I rearranged my schedule and rushed through a few things in order to give myself a little bit of time to write. I wrote this chapter very quickly and even though I read over it twice, there are probably still mistakes I missed, so once again, forgive me for any mistakes you see.

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Chapter 16: Operation Grace

September 1988 Colorado

Sam, still a little frustrated after having to fly commercial, rented a car from the airport and started her drive over to Peterson, her plans on surprising Jack finally coming through.

As soon as Jack's plane was completely out of sight when he left Germany, Sam realized just how much she wanted to be with him. Before she even left the airfield, she had made up her mind. She was going to marry Jack O'Neill, as soon as possible. Who was she kidding, anyways? The chances of her making it into the space program after the shuttle 'Challenger' disaster was slim to none. Even with a large amount of flight time and the fact that she was one of the smartest people in the military, with the space program at an almost complete halt, the chance of her ever making it into space was pretty much nonexistent. She was still chasing an impossible dream while letting the love of her life slip through her fingers.

Sam was excited about her decision. She couldn't wait to see Jack and tell him she was ready. However, fate was against her. A few hours after Jack left, Sam was informed she would be going on another two-week reconnaissance mission. By the time she finally got back to the states, Sam's patience was running thin. All she wanted to do was ask for some leave so she could fly out to Jack, but even after she arrived back in Florida, she was ordered on a week-long fly-by mission over Central America.

Finally, after three incredibly long weeks, Sam was granted her leave and jumped on the first flight to Colorado. Pulling up to the base entrance, Sam flashed her credentials and informed the guard of her desire to see Major Jack O'Neill. Sam was waved through and parked her car next to the building Jack's office was located in. Having to wait to verify her identity at the door, she was finally given directions to Jack's office.

Sam approached his door, raising her hand to knock when she noticed through the glass that the room was pitch-black. 'Well, where on Earth is he?' she wondered. She grabbed the handle to discover the room was indeed locked. Sam stood there with her hands on her hips, trying to think of where else he might be.

Just then, an airmen came around the corner and saw Sam standing in front of Major O'Neill's door. "May I help you?" he asked her.

Sam turned around to see one of the officers who were with Jack in Germany. "Uh, hi, you're Lt. Kowalsky, right?"

"It's Captain, now, but yes. You're Sam?"

Sam smiled. "Yes. Can you tell me where Jack is?"

Kowalsky's eyes darted around the area as if he was planning an escape route. He swallowed and looked back at the pretty woman before him. "He, uh, he's in Las Vegas," the captain managed to stutter out.

"Vegas? What is he doing there?" Sam asked in surprise.

"He, um, well, he is uh, on his honeymoon."

"What?" Sam choked out.

Kowalsky looked at the woman like he was going to cry himself. "I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't be….you shouldn't have had to find out this way…I'm sorry. He, uh, um, well, he came back from Germany planning on calling off his affair with a woman he had been sleeping with here, but, well she told him she was pregnant. He didn't know what to do. He tried getting a hold of you for almost three weeks. He called Germany a couple of times but was told you were on a mission. Then, he called your base in Florida and was told the same thing. I'm sorry, I don't know what else to tell you…. We all tried talking him out of marrying her. Especially Cromwell, he has a lot of respect for you."

Sam stood there in shock. Her fiancé just married someone else. How was she supposed to deal with that? She was ready to give up everything for him and he ran off with another woman at the first chance he got! Did he really want to marry her or did he just want to be married? Sam's heart broke into a million pieces. How was she supposed to cope with this?

"Are you okay?" Kowalsky's voice broke the silence.

Sam cleared her throat, trying desperately to keep herself together. "Um, yeah, I'm okay. Can you do me a favor?"

Kowalsky looked at the heart-broken woman with the utmost sympathy. "Anything."

"Don't tell him I was here. I-I don't want him to know I was here, please."

"Okay," Kowalsky told her. He felt so bad for her, he would do anything to help her right now. If she didn't want Jack to know, he wasn't going to be the one to tell him.

Sam nodded her head and dazedly walked out of the building. Leaving behind her dream of a life with Jack O'Neill.

Sam had been given a week's leave, but with her plans ripped to shreds, she didn't know what to do for the rest of the week. She could go visit Mark, but with his new wife, she would only be reminded of what she was never going to have. She could visit her dad, but he would just tell her to suck it up and act like a soldier.

Making up her mind, Sam headed back to the airport and booked a flight to the one place she knew she would find comfort.

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Ohio

Sam pulled the rental car into the O'Neill driveway. They didn't know she was coming, but she knew they would welcome her with open arms.

Getting out of the car, Sam made her way up the steps and knocked on the door. A few seconds later, Mrs. O'Neill opened the door. The woman took one look at the woman on her porch, the red-rimmed eyes, flushed cheeks and look of total loss on her face, and embraced her in a hug. "Oh, sweetie, I don't know what to say, I'm so sorry!" Mrs. O'Neill cried on Sam's shoulder.

Sam, still too emotionally unstable to reply just hugged the woman she considered a mother as tight as she could. Kelly and Liz, who was still living at home, recuperating from her ordeal, appeared next to Sam and the four of them somehow created a four-person hug.

After a few minutes of the women standing in this position, Maggie directed the group to the front room and sat Sam down on the couch. Taking the seat on her right while Liz sat on her left.

"Oh, Sam! I can't believe Jack was so stupid. We all told him he was making a huge mistake but he just wouldn't listen. He was insistent on doing the right thing and taking responsibility for his actions," Liz ranted on, holding Sam's hand.

Her eyes locked on the engagement ring still on Sam's finger. She fingered the beautiful ring and looked up at Sam with tears in her eyes. "He told us he finally asked you and you said yes. He was so excited. He called as soon as he got home. He had been carrying this ring in his bag for years." Liz reached up and brushed the tear out of her eye. "I can't believe he did this to you!"

Sam took a deep, vibrating breath and wiped her own tears out of her eyes. "I-I w-went to Colorado t-to surprise him…….I didn't know…..I was going to tell him I was ready to marry him now…..I didn't know. One of his men t-told me."

Maggie's hand let go of Sam's and wrapped around the young woman's shoulder, pulling her into her side for more comfort. "Oh, sweetie," she cooed, trying to settle the distraught woman down.

"You mean he didn't even tell you himself?" Liz yelled. "That bastard! He didn't even have the gall to tell you. I can't believe he could stoop that low. My own brother! What if you wouldn't have flown out there? Who knows how long you would have gone around thinking you were still engaged?"

The thought of that possibility made fresh tears run down Sam's cheeks. She hated that Jack's own sister was bashing him. But, at the same time, she came here for comfort so damn him, she was going to get it!

After two days with the O'Neill's, Sam was feeling much better. She, Liz and Kelly spent time at the mall. They refreshed their memories by visiting old places they hung out at when they were still in high school. They even took some time to visit Rob and his new girlfriend, Valerie, at his new apartment.

It was around dinnertime when they returned home after visiting Rob. The girls sat in the front room, laughing and having a good time when the front door opened and the unmistakable voice of Jack called through the house. "Honey, we're home!"

Sam immediately froze. Closing her eyes, she willed herself or Jack to disappear. She really wasn't partial on who, just one of them.

Unfortunately, Sam had no divine powers, and when she opened them back up, she was looking directly at Jack O'Neill. He had his arm around a slender woman with blonde hair and a huge smile graced his face.

Taking in the people in the room, Jack's eyes settled on Sam sitting in his mother's chair, obviously very tense. "Sam," he croaked out. His eyes showing his shock at seeing Sam in his parents' house.

Sam gulped down the bile that had risen in her throat over the sight in front of her.

"Sam," Jack said again, taking a step towards her. He needed her to understand what was going on. He knew she knew, he didn't know how, but the look on her face was all he needed to know that she was aware he just got married to another woman.

As if out of nowhere, Mr. O'Neill appeared between Sam and Jack. "Son, I think it would be a good idea for you and Sara to get a hotel room."

Jack stepped back. The stern tone in his father's voice not going unnoticed by the Air Force Major.

It was then that Sam finally found her voice. "No," she said, matter-of-factly and stood up out of the chair. "Th-that's not necessary, really. I-I need to get back home, anyways. You guys need to spend time with your son. Um, I'll just be going….." Sam grabbed the few things she had within reach, figuring she could have Mrs. O'Neill send her the rest and bolted for the door, rushing right past Jack and his new bride.

"Sam, wait!" Jack yelled as she rushed past. He tried to grab her arm but she was too quick. He ran out the door after her.

Sam already had the door of the car open and was throwing her things in when Jack reached her. He grabbed her shoulders and spun her around. "Sam, you have to listen to me. This wasn't supposed to happen."

"Please, Jack, just let me go," Sam cried out, refusing to look at him.

"No! Damn it, Sam, look at me! I love you! Not her! You! I'm so sorry, I didn't know what else to do. I called you! At least ten times. I needed to talk to you, to tell you what was going on and ask for your advice but you weren't available."

"So, because I was doing MY JOB, the fact that you married someone else while engaged to me is my fault!" Sam spat at him, remorse and humiliation being replaced my intense anger.

"No! I'm not saying that, Sam. God, will you just listen! It wasn't supposed to be like this. When I got back from Germany I was going to tell Sara I couldn't see her anymore, but then she told me she was pregnant….."

"And you just had to do the right thing, no matter who you hurt in the process," Sam spat out, cutting him off.

"No! I wasn't going to marry her, Sam. I told her I was going to marry you! I told her I could never love her like I love you. I told her I would support the baby and be there as much as I could."

Sam looked up at him in surprise. "So, being there meant rushing off and getting married?"

"No, I didn't want to marry her, Sam. But, she was going to have an abortion. She refused to be a single mom. She thinks people would call her white-trash for having a kid without being married…."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Sam said in disgust.

"I know, I know, that's what I told her, but she wouldn't listen. She's too concerned about what other people think of her. She already had the appointment set when she told me. The only thing that would stop her from aborting the baby was getting married. Sam, I didn't have a choice. I couldn't let her kill my baby."

"You could have found another way, Jack. You didn't even try."

"That's not true!" Jack yelled in anger.

Sam looked at him, so many emotions running across her face. "Then I'm sorry you had to ruin both our lives."

"Sam…."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, JACK? What! You want me to forgive you? You want me to tell you it's not your fault? What do you want? You want me to jump in your arms, pretend you didn't break my heart? Do you have any idea how hard it is to be hurting this bad inside and not be able to have your embrace comfort me…."

"You can…."

"NO, Jack, I can't. You're a married man, now. Married to someone else, Jack. You're no longer mine! Everything we had is destroyed!" Sam pushed Jack back and yanked the ring off her finger. "Here, maybe you can buy your new wife something nice."

"Sam, please, don't leave like this," Jack pleaded, tears running down his face.

Sam looked at the broken man in front of her. Her anger dying slightly at the pathetic look on his face. "It's best for us both to leave like this. You have an expecting wife to get back to, and I have the rest of my life to live. The rest of my life without you."

"Sam!" Jack cried out again. The thought of losing Sam forever ripping his heart out.

Sam saw the look on Jack's face. Her heart wanted to reach out and comfort him, but her anger wouldn't let her. "You know what broke my heart the most, Jack? It wasn't the fact that you were sleeping with another woman. It's not that you didn't feel it was important to tell me. It's not even the fact that you were irresponsible enough to knock her up and rush out and marry her. And, even though it was a low thing to do, It's not even the fact I found out about your marriage from a stranger. What completely broke my heart was the ten seconds you walked in the house and didn't know I was there. You were completely happy. Completely happy married to someone who wasn't me."

"It's not like that, Sam," Jack tried to explain.

"Maybe you never really loved me as much as you thought."

"That's not true!" Jack yelled.

Sam looked at the anger clearly displayed on Jack's face over her comment. "Your actions say otherwise……. Good-bye, Jack," she said, sadly, and climbed in the car, shutting the door. She didn't look back as she drove away. The chapter of Jack O'Neill coming to an end in her book of life.

Jack watched her drive out of sight, completely lost. He was gaining a child, but was losing the love of his life in exchange. Even knowing it was bound to happen with his marriage to Sara, the actuality of it was tearing him apart.

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Florida

As soon as Sam was back in Florida, she did the one thing she was not planning on doing. She approached the office of Colonel Richardson. The colonel in charge of Special Forces. She knocked on the door and waited for a reply.

"Enter," the colonel yelled through the closed door.

Sam walked in, shutting the door behind her and standing at attention.

"At ease, Carter. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if that position in Special Forces is still available, sir."

"You're interested?"

"Yes, sir," Sam replied.

"You do realize you'll be on the front lines. In the air or not, Carter. Special Forces is dangerous."

"Yes, sir, I am aware, sir."

"Well, Carter, your skills are very impressive. I have to say, your maneuverability skills are the best I've ever seen. But, what about General Dad, lieutenant? How is he going to take you joining Special Forces?"

Sam looked the colonel right in the eyes. "My dad has had no influence in my career thus far, sir. I have made my way completely on my own. My father has no say in my decisions. I will not allow him to help or hinder my career, sir."

The colonel stood out of his seat. "That is exactly what I wanted to hear, Carter. Report for training, Monday 0600. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Dismissed."

"Thank you, sir," Sam told him before heading out of the room. From here on out, she was living her life for her and her alone.

Sam went through two weeks of training. Because she was going to be an air unit as opposed to a ground unit like Jack, she didn't need as much training as he had.

A week after her training ended, Sam was called in for her first mission in Special Forces. She was to provide air support for the ground units that were sent to gather intel on Saddam Hussein's forces in Iraq.

Sam walked in the briefing room and took a seat. She looked around. The room was filled with other pilots in the air unit as well as the several men who were making up the ground units. One man in particular kept staring at Sam during the enter briefing. He looked to be a few years older than her. Dark blonde hair and fair skin, he was seriously giving her the creeps. Every time she looked up, he was looking at her. She was really close to looking at him and yelling, 'are you paying attention to the details of this mission at all!' But, she knew that would be entirely unprofessional, especially with this being her first mission.

Sam realized her mind was wandering and focused back on the colonel speaking at the front of the table.

"This mission is to be referred to as 'Operation Grace'. And, you all better bet your asses that this mission is going to take grace and cunning to pull off successfully. Carter, you and Phillips are going to be back-up for the ground forces. You will not be making a move until you get the go-ahead, is that understood?"

"Yes, sir," Sam and Phillips said in unison.

"Everyone, Lt. Carter is an exceptional pilot, but this is her first mission. I expect all of you to help her adjust to Special Forces."

A round of, "yes, sir," rang out around the table.

"Alright, airmen, head on over to the base hospital for physicals and report back here Friday, 0800, for a last minute briefing before heading out. Dismissed."

Sam stood up and, after gathering her papers, headed out the door. "So, new to Special Forces?" the blonde, creepy guy asked, approaching Sam.

Sam slowed down and looked at the man. "Yes. You are?"

"Captain Hanson. Jonas Hanson. I was just promoted to Captain a few months ago. It's nice to meet you, Lt. Carter."

"Thank you, you too," Sam said, then nodded before turning down a different corridor.

She went directly to the hospital to get her physical out of the way. She didn't want anything stopping her from going on this mission. The hospital was pretty bare, so Sam was the first one seen. She had her blood drawn, temperature taken, pap smear, everything.

The doctor ordered her to wait in an adjoining room for her results and when other men who had gotten their physicals after Sam were already getting their results and heading home, Sam started to get perturbed at having to wait so long.

Finally, the doctor who did the exam entered the room and called her name. Sam followed the woman to an office and was asked to take a seat.

"I'm sorry, lieutenant, but you did not pass your medical for this mission," the doctor began.

"What? That's impossible. I just had a physical two months ago. I'm in perfect health," Sam protested.

"Yes, you are in perfect health. You're also pregnant."

"WHAT? That's….That's impossible! I'm on birth control," Sam announced.

"Birth control is not 100 percent, lieutenant. You are pregnant, ma'am. I ran the tests three times to make sure. The problem we have to deal with now is your continued use of birth control."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, her head still whirling with the unexpected news.

"Continuing birth control when you're pregnant is hazardous to your baby. It is very likely the baby has already died due to the pills. If not, the chance of a physical or mental abnormality is very high. We will have to run more tests. I've arranged for you to come in tomorrow morning. You are approximately two months pregnant. We will do an ultrasound to see if we can determine the health of your baby."

"Then what?" Sam asked, an overwhelming concern for her unborn baby taking up residence in her heart.

"Well, if the fetus is already dead, we will remove it. The procedure is referred to as a D&C. If the fetus is still alive, you'll have a decision to make. As it stands right now, ma'am, single mothers are not permitted in Special Forces. I can wait until you make a decision before informing your CO."

"Thank you," Sam replied to the doctor. She stood up and left the hospital. Her life, once again, just flipped upside-down. What was she going to do? Having this child would inevitably end her career in the Air Force. But, willingly aborting it was something she knew she couldn't do. Adoption was an option. She could take leave, have the baby, give it to a loving couple, then return to work. How could this happen? Jack was now married to another woman who was expecting their child, and now Sam was pregnant with Jack's child with no chance of a future with him.

If the baby was alive, and she didn't give it up for adoption, Sam would have to raise Jack's child all by herself while he raised another family. Could she really do that? As much as she wanted to believe she was strong enough to raise a child on her own, the truth was, she wasn't so sure.

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a/n: Ooh, what will happen…..will the baby live…..will Sam give it up for adoption…….will she tell Jack……will he leave Sara? Tune in next time.