THROUGH THE YEARS
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a/n: To all of you angst-haters, I am sorry! There was just no way of writing this chapter without angst. I really have been trying to cut back on the angst, but it was impossible for this chapter. So sorry! But, I promise the next chapter will be happy! Of course, it will also be the last chapter. Remember….I promised a happy ending!
I'm apologizing now for any mistakes you may find.
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Chapter 26: Good Bye
August 1995 Colorado Springs
Jack was heading over to Sara's to pick up Charlie. Rob, Valerie and Sean were arriving within the hour and Jack had just enough time to pick up Charlie and make it to the airport to greet his brother and his family.
Arriving at Sara's, Jack figured that Sara and Charlie were probably out back. So, instead of going to the front door, Jack walked straight to the back yard. Seeing Sara sitting at her patio table, reading the newspaper, he walked over and gave her a chaste kiss on her forehead. "Hey, Charlie ready to go?" he asked, happily, and sat down in the chair next to her.
"Yeah, he was just running around here a minute ago," Sara replied, scanning the yard for Charlie.
BANG!
Jack and Sara both looked up at the window where the loud boom was heard. Jack felt his heart plummet as he stood up, fear etched across his face.
"CHARLIE!" Sara screamed.
Jack and Sara ran as fast as they could in the house and up to Sara's bedroom. There, on the floor, was Charlie. Blood was pouring from his chest and the gun Jack had given Sara years before lay beside him on the floor.
"Oh, Charlie!" Jack cried as he knelt down beside his son.
"Dad, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! I was looking for my old toys to give to Sean. I found a gun. I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to.."
"It's okay, Charlie. It's not your fault, it's not your fault," Jack chanted to his son, rocking him in his arms as tears raced down his face.
In a few minutes, that felt more like an eternity, sirens could be heard and an ambulance arrived. Jack was in shock and the paramedics practically had to pry Charlie from him.
The rest of the day went by in a haze. Jack and Sara spent the day at the hospital, waiting for the surgeons to finish operating on Charlie. Unfortunately, the point-blank shot to the chest was too much even for the skilled doctors, and Charlie never made it out of surgery.
Rob checked his family into a hotel and called the rest of the O'Neill's to tell them the news. With Jack and Sara in so much emotional turmoil, Rob went ahead and made the arrangements for Charlie's funeral service and burial.
Jack was a wreck! Every move he made was done on autopilot. He didn't even know what day of the week it was, let alone the time of the day. He couldn't remember the last time he ate or drank anything and he wasn't even sure if he had used the bathroom, let alone slept, in the last few days. Charlie had died. His baby boy was killed by Jack's gun. It was his fault. It was all Jack's fault. He deserved to die! Everything bad that had ever happened in his life was caused by him. He shouldn't be alive. He should have been the one to die. He no longer had anything to live for anyways.
Jack wanted to die!
The O'Neill's tried to help Jack, but he pushed them away. His guilt was too strong and not even the love and support of his family could help him now.
Jack needed to die!
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Two weeks later:
"Mommy, Mommy, can I talk to you?" Grace asked, following her mom around the house as she got ready for work.
"Grace, sweetie, I'm in a hurry right now. Shouldn't you be ready for school by now?" Sam asked, gathering papers and setting them in her briefcase.
"I am ready," Grace proclaimed.
Sam stopped what she was doing and looked down at her little girl, noticing for the first time that she was, indeed, ready for school. "Oh, sorry. My mind is in twenty different places right now. I have to brief the rest of the scientists and technicians on my project before we move back to DC…" Sam stopped talking and looked back down at Grace, noticing the far-away look in the young girl's eyes. "Grace, what is it?" Sam asked, her voice softening.
"Charlie died."
"What?" Sam gasped.
"Charlie died," Grace repeated.
"Oh my God, sweetie, when? How?" Sam asked, dropping to her knees and pulling Grace to her chest.
"He shot himself. The principal said he was playing with a gun he found in his mom's room."
"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry!" Sam cried. "I know he was your best friend, I'm so sorry!"
"It's okay, Mommy. I feel bad for his mommy and daddy, I bet they are going to miss him even more than me."
"I'm sure they are, sweetie. But, I know you're going to miss him quite a lot, too," Sam told her daughter, pulling her into a tight hug.
Needless to say, Sam was late for work. The welfare of her daughter taking primary concern. By the time Sam made it inside the mountain, Katherine had already left to try and recruit a young archaeologist who had a reputation for 'thinking outside the box.' The funding deadline was soon approaching and the man they had working on the translation was at a stop, not to mention, a lot of what he'd translated so far didn't really make much sense.
Sam debriefed the general and the scientists and technicians who were remaining on the project. She had been ordered back to the Pentagon and today was her last day. She had already been upset about being pulled from the project, but finding out her daughter's best friend had died made her day much more depressing.
By the end of the day, Sam and Grace were both beat. After finishing up at the mountain, Sam had come home and packed practically everything in the house in only a few short hours. Grace had come home from school and helped as well as a six year old can.
Two days later, Sam and Grace were back in DC.
Katherine called Sam everyday with whatever news she had. Katherine went on and on about how great the new archaeologist was. Apparently, Dr. Jackson had come in and translated the hieroglyphics, fixing the other doctor's mistakes, in a matter of minutes. He was now trying to decipher the unknown writing and Katherine was sure he would be the one to figure it out.
The Pentagon allowed Sam to continue working on the project from DC, but she also had other projects she was being ordered to contribute to. In two weeks time, Sam was just finding her groove again at the Pentagon.
It was at this time that Sam received an excited phone call from Katherine. "Sam, he figured it out! I told you he would!" Katherine's exuberant voice rang through the phone. "General West is already assembling a team! This is so great!"
"What? Katherine slow down! You were able to activate the device?"
"Yes! You were right, Sam! It went half way across the galaxy! General West should be faxing everything to the Pentagon by now. Oh, Sam! You just have to see this! It is so amazing. Dr. Jackson discovered the seventh symbol, we entered it into the computer and everything started shaking even more than before and then this puddle shot out. Oh, Sam, it looked like water! It fell back on itself and formed a watery wall. It was beautiful. General West sent through the probe you modified and we immediately started receiving data. Sam, you won't believe this, the probe sent back pictures of what looks like the inside of a pyramid! A team is being sent through tomorrow…"
"What? That soon? Katherine, I have to be on that team! They can't go through without me. I've been working on this for almost four years!"
"West is planning on sending a black ops team through. The colonel who will be commanding the mission is already here."
"You're kidding me!" Sam exclaimed.
Before Sam could say anything else, a knock sounded on her door and one of the aides swung her door open. "Sorry to interrupt, ma'am, but you are needed in briefing room 3.
"Thank you, airman," Sam replied before turning back to the phone. "Katherine, I have to go, I think they've received the general's fax."
"Okay, Sam. Call me back after you read everything."
"Okay, bye, Katherine."
Sam hung up and hurried out of the room.
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Sam was shocked. Really, shocked wasn't even the word for it. She was beyond shocked. Way beyond shocked. She was so far beyond shocked that there wasn't even an appropriate word for it.
Not only had the Pentagon refused to let her join the mission through the Stargate, even though all of her theories about the giant ring had proven true so far, but they also informed her that no one other than one Colonel Jack O'Neill would be leading the black ops team through the Stargate.
She was so very much beyond shocked!
After arguing with the Joint Chiefs much longer than appropriate and coming very close to insubordination, Sam gathered her copies of the information faxed over and headed home. A nice bubble bath and a glass of champagne were calling her name.
Sam picked up Grace and headed to the small apartment the Pentagon had set up for them. Grace was happy to be back among some of her old friends and chatted the whole way home. Sam was in her own little word and really wasn't listening to her daughter prattle on.
Once they were home, Sam made a small dinner and then sat down at her desk to go over the files she brought home. The first thing Sam did was pull out the personnel report on Jack. She stared at the small snapshot included with his file. He had aged well. His tanned face barely showed any lines or wrinkles. His hair was still brown and his eyes still held that twinkle that had always captivated Sam. After all this time, she was still very much in love with the man in the picture. Just the picture of him sped up Sam's heartbeat.
She finally pulled her eyes away from the photo and started perusing his file. She noted that at the time she was transferred to Cheyenne Mountain, Jack was sent to Bosnia. She was quite surprised when she read that he had been back at Peterson since last December. She had been living in the same town as Jack for nine months and didn't even know!
After memorizing everything in Jack's file, Sam set it aside and started reading the rest of the information she received on the Stargate. She was going over the malp readings when Grace came strolling up to her. She picked up the papers on Sam's desk and looked at her mom very confused. "Mommy, why do you have a picture of Charlie's dad?"
Sam immediately spun around to face her daughter. "What did you say?"
Grace held up the photograph of Jack. "Why do you have a picture of Mr. O'Neill?"
"You…you know him?" Sam stuttered out, pointing at the picture of Jack.
"Yeah, he's Charlie's dad," Grace replied.
Sam snatched the picture and pulled Grace closer to her. "Grace, are you positive that this man is Charlie's dad?"
"Uh huh, Mr. O'Neill."
"Oh my God!" Sam gasped, cupping her hand over her mouth.
"What's wrong, Mommy?"
Sam stood up and started pacing the room, her mind racing through different possibilities.
"Grace," she finally stopped pacing and walked back over to Grace. She grabbed her by the upper arms and kneeled down to her eye-level. "Your friend Charlie, who died, his name was Charlie O'Neill?"
"Yes," Grace answered, wondering why her mom was acting so weird.
"And, Charlie's dad, his name is Jack O'Neill?"
"Uh huh."
Sam let go of Grace's arms and stood up. She turned around and ran her hands through her hair, then she turned back around to face Grace again. "Grace, Charlie's mom, was her name Sara?"
"I think so," Grace answered. "How do you know them, Mommy?"
Sam looked at her daughter, wondering exactly how to answer her daughter's question. "It's a very long story, sweetie," she finally answered and started pacing the room again.
Grace watched her mom pace the room several more times before she finally stopped and walked over to the phone. Sam picked up the phone and dialed a long number.
Grace watched as her mom tapped her foot on the floor, waiting for the phone to connect.
Sam heard the phone start ringing.
"Hello," a voice answered after the second ring.
"Maggie, it's Samantha Carter."
"Samantha, sweetheart. Where have you been? We have been searching for you for a year and a half."
"I know, Maggie. I'm so sorry. I was transferred to a classified project. I was calling because, uh……Maggie, did Jack's son die?"
"How did you know?" Maggie asked in surprise.
"It doesn't really matter. Did he shoot himself with a gun?"
"Yes, a few weeks ago. Jack is devastated. He won't talk to any of us."
"Did you tell him about Grace?"
"No. He doesn't know yet, Sam."
"Okay, thanks. Maggie, I promise to call you back soon. I promise, but right now I have to go."
"Okay, sweetheart. Give my love to Grace," Maggie said over the line.
"I will, Bye, Maggie."
"Bye, Samantha."
Sam hung up the phone and walked back over to Grace who had taken a seat in Sam's desk chair.
She picked up the photo of Jack and leaned back down on her knees so she was, once again, eye level with Grace. "Grace, you are a very smart little girl, but what I am about to tell you is hard for even grown-ups to understand. I need you to understand, okay?"
Grace just stared, wide-eyed at her mom.
"This is Col. Jack O'Neill, Charlie's dad."
Grace nodded her head in the affirmative.
Sam started back up. "But, Jack O'Neill isn't just Charlie's dad….This is your dad, too, Grace."
"What?" Grace whispered.
"This is your dad, Grace. Col. Jack O'Neill is your daddy."
"But, but, I don't understand. That's Charlie's dad.."
"I know, sweetie, he is Charlie's dad. But, you and Charlie have the same dad."
Grace looked up at her mom, more confused than ever.
"When I got pregnant with you, Charlie's mom was already pregnant with him. Your dad and I didn't know I was pregnant with you and he went to be with Charlie and his mom."
Grace continued to look at Sam confusedly.
Sam cleared her throat and continued. "Your dad never came to see you because he never knew you were born. He still doesn't."
"How can he not know?" Grace asked.
"Because I never told him."
"But, he used to talk to me. He knows I'm alive. He told me I was pretty and he told me I was a great kid and that I reminded him of someone he knew who wanted to be an astronaut, too and he told me I could come over his house and play with Charlie. He knows I'm alive."
Sam bit her bottom lip, trying to think of a way to explain things to Grace without confusing her more.
"Yes, sweetie, Jack knows that you, Grace, Charlie's friend is alive, but he doesn't know that you are his daughter."
"But…why not?" Grace asked in a choked gasp.
Sam felt her heart break a little more. "It's complicated, sweetie. I wanted to tell him about you, I really did. I'm so sorry, but we are going to make this right. I promise you."
Sam stood up and went back to the phone. Grace had more questions, but every time her mom hung up the phone, she picked it back up and called someone else. At one point, her mom had even started crying. She was saying something about the general sending Jack on a suicide mission. Then, her mom started swearing a lot. After an hour, Grace realized her questions would have to wait and took herself to bed.
The next morning, Grace was awakened before the sun had even come up. "Gracie, sweetie, we're going back to Colorado. We've got to leave for our plane now. I've already packed for you, go ahead and use the bathroom and brush your hair and teeth," Sam whispered to her daughter, waking her up and helping her out of bed.
Grace was still half-asleep in her seat when the plane took off, taking them back to Colorado Springs.
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Jack was aggravated. He did not want his team going through this Stargate if Dr. Jackson couldn't figure out how to get them back home. He was prepared to die, hell, he wanted to die. But not his team. His team were good men who deserved to live. Dr. Geek-head Jackson better be able to get them home.
The mission was still several hours away, but Jack was in the gear-up room, rechecking equipment and making sure everyone had the correct amount of supplies. He took being in command very seriously and made sure he and his men were properly prepared for all their missions.
The looks on his men's faces when he and General West debriefed them on this mission were priceless. He could tell Kawalsky was looking around for a video camera and someone to jump out and say "surprise, you're on candid camera!" But, of course, no one did.
After rechecking everything, Jack headed down to the commissary, knowing his team would already be there. He grabbed a coffee and a bagel and sat down with the rest of his men. Dr. Jackson had come up and sat down next to Jack, causing the rest of the men to toss angry looks towards the young archaeologist.
A few hours later, Jack was in the briefing room with General West and Dr. Langford for his last minute debrief before heading out. The rest of his men, along with Dr. Jackson, were already gearing up.
A loud commotion was heard outside the door before it was flung open and Jack blinked twice, not believing his eyes that Sam was standing in the doorway.
"CAPTAIN CARTER!" roared the general. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"
"General," Sam acknowledged, stepping into the room. "With all due respect, who the hell do you think you are sending him on a suicide mission?"
"Sam?" Jack finally found his voice.
"CAPTAIN! You are walking a very fine line. I could send your ass to the brig and have you court-martialed…"
"General West," Katherine cut in. "Is what Samantha said true? Are you really sending Col. O'Neill on a suicide mission?"
"He is," Sam stated. "He's exploiting Col. O'Neill's mental state. His son was killed only weeks ago."
Jack just stared at Sam, still not believing that she was really here.
"Captain Carter! You either leave now or I will have you escorted to a holding cell. Is that understood?"
"Sir.." Sam started, not yet ready to give up.
"General West, could I have a few minutes alone with Captain Carter?" Jack finally spoke up.
"You have ten minutes before you leave, then, I want her out of this mountain!" the general demanded before standing up and leaving for his office.
"Sam, where's Grace?" Katherine asked, walking over to her.
"She's just outside the door. Could you keep her company while I talk to Col. O'Neill?" Sam asked.
Katherine looked from Sam to Jack and noticed the look of awe and confusion on Jack's face. "Sure, we'll be right outside," Katherine replied and then left the two alone.
As soon as the door shut, Sam reached out and grabbed Jack's wrist. "Jack," she said, looking up in his eyes. "I'm so sorry about your son. I just found out, I'm so sorry.."
"How…how did you find out?" Jack croaked.
Sam scraped her bottom lip with her teeth, trying to decide how to answer the question. "My daughter, Grace, told me."
"Grace?"
Sam cleared her throat. "Yeah…. apparently she went to school with Charlie. I didn't know, I just found out.."
"Grace?" Jack croaked out again. "Grace is your daughter?"
Sam nodded her head, feeling her cheeks burning. "She's your daughter, too, Jack."
Jack stared at her, his eyes a sea of despair. "What?" he gasped, after almost a minute of silence.
"Grace is your daughter. I…I got pregnant when we were in Germany. I found out after you married Sara."
Jack continued to stare at Sam, trying to take in everything she just said.
Grace was his daughter. She looked like Kelly because of him. She captured his heart so easily because she was his. She reminded him of Sam because she was Sam's. His feelings every time he saw the little girl made a lot more sense to him now.
"Grace……is here?" Jack finally broke the silence.
"Yeah, she's right outside with Katherine."
"Does she….does she…"
"She knows. I told her last night."
Jack pulled out of Sam's hands and grabbed her arms instead. "I have to see her," he said, almost desperately.
"Okay," Sam agreed, not breaking eye-contact. She pried herself out of Jack's grasp and walked over to the door. She opened it to reveal Grace and Katherine on the other side. "Grace," Sam called and waved her daughter over to her.
Grace walked over to her mom and entered the room. Sam nodded at Katherine and then shut the door.
Jack stared at his daughter, so many emotions rushing through his body. This was his daughter. This was not only Charlie's best friend, but also his sister. This little girl, who had stolen his heart the first time he met her, was his little girl. Not only was she his little girl, she was Sam's little girl, too. Sam, the woman he had fallen in love with over thirteen years ago. The woman he would never stop loving. His and Sam's little girl.
Grace stared at her dad, not knowing what to do or say.
"Grace," Jack finally said to her, kneeling down.
Grace walked over to him.
"Hi," he said, smiling at her.
"Hi," she said, smiling back.
"How've you been?" Jack asked in a quiet voice.
"Okay….I'm sorry about Charlie….I miss him."
"Me, too, sweetie, me too." Jack's face had contorted slightly and a single tear escaped his eye. Grace raised her small hand and wiped the tear off her dad's face.
"Charlie had an accident, but Mommy said that he will always live on in my heart," Grace said in the sweetest voice imaginable.
Jack wrapped his strong arms around his little girl and pulled her into his embrace. He stood up, still holding Grace, clutched to him tightly and cried into her shoulder.
Grace, her heart going out to her dad, cried right along with him. Thoughts of Charlie running through both their minds.
Sam stayed back, quickly wiping away the tears that kept running down her cheeks.
"COLONEL! Time's up. Captain, I want you out of my mountain!" the general opened the door and yelled in before shutting it again.
Jack set Grace down and looked up at Sam.
"Jack, please don't go on this mission," Sam cried, tears escaping her eyes again. "You can't! It's a suicide mission, please, Jack!"
"I don't have a choice, Sam. I have to go," Jack replied, quietly.
"No, you don't!" Sam argued, barely stopping herself before she stomped her foot on the floor.
"Dad?" Grace said, looking up at Jack, but not quite sure what to call him.
Jack turned his gaze from Sam back to Grace. He leaned down and pulled a chain off of his neck. "Grace, I have to leave, but I want you to have this," he told her as he put the chain over her head to rest around her neck.
Grace lifted the ring up that was dangling from the chain. "What is this?" she asked.
"This is the ring I gave your mom the day you were created. I have kept it with me, close to my heart. Whenever I feel it or look at it, I think of your mom, and how much I love her. But, I want you to have it so you can think of me every time you look at it. Okay?"
"Okay," Grace replied.
Sam's face was pink and puffy from crying. She kept brushing away the tears, but more just kept coming in their place. This whole time, he still had the ring. He still loved her.
Jack hugged Grace again and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you, Grace," he whispered in her ear before pulling away.
"I love you, too, Daddy," Grace whispered back.
Jack stood up and looked at Sam. Even with the tears running down her cheeks and the blotchy marks all over her face, she was still the most beautiful woman Jack had ever known.
He walked over to her.
"Please, Jack, don't go," she cried.
Jack pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. Back in Sam's arms, Jack found peace for the first time in a long time. He was whole again. If he ever doubted it in the past, the way he felt right now proved to him that Sam was his other half. His soul mate.
"I've never stopped loving you, Sam," was all he said before he pulled out of her embrace and left the room.
"Jack!" Sam cried. "Please, Jack!"
Jack turned and looked back at Sam. His face was expressionless as he bit his bottom lip and then turned back around, walking off to the gear-up room.
Katherine talked to General West and he allowed Sam and Grace to remain until the men went through the Stargate. Sam took Grace to a small room and told her to wait there for her while she went to the control room to see the Stargate activate.
It was amazing! Watching the seventh symbol lock and the Stargate form an actual wormhole almost made Sam forget about the grief she felt over Jack leaving! She stood there, mesmerized, staring at the shimmery wall that Katherine had told her about over the phone.
Sam was brought out of her trance by the general speaking in to the intercom telling the men they had a go. She looked down at the men gathered at the bottom of the ramp and met Jack's gaze. He lightly nodded his head at her before turning, adjusting his helmet and heading up the ramp.
Sam held her breath as Jack's body touched the event horizon and disappeared through it.
"Please come back, Jack," she whispered, not loud enough for anyone to hear but God.
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One chapter to go……