Chapter 3: A Whole New Feeling

"Chloe, it was only one Lamaze class. You have to give it a chance."

"It's a bunch of breathing, how exactly is that going to help me. Did you see the woman in that video—she was not concerned with breathing while she was pushing a ten pound baby out of her—"

"Okay, okay..." Jack said quickly, wanting a quick stop to that particular stream of thought, "I know it was a lot all at once, but..."

"A lot, Jack, a lot was the beginning where the teacher was asking me to breathe like a dog in heat. The rest was like watching a horror movie, only instead of wanting popcorn I wanted to vomit."

Jack took a deep breath and tried to find the right words to calm Chloe down. Her mood swings in the last month had her moving from rapid sarcasm and anger to weeping and vulnerable, which usually made her angry again. He would really love to make her feel better now before the crying and yelling really got underway.

"Chloe, I know that the labor scares a lot of women, and obviously I've never been through it, so I can't tell you its going to be quick and painless, but I promise I will be with you every minute."

"And what about after?"

"After what?"

"After the labor when there is a baby and I'm her mother. Her mother, Jack. I can't even make cookies."

Jack blinked in confusion as he tried to follow her ever-winding thought process, "Cookies? What do cookies have to do with being a mom?"

"Moms make cookies. Well, the good moms on television at least," Chloe seemed to lose steam as if she heard how ridiculous she sounded, "Oh I sound completely crazy." She flopped down on the coach and hid her face in her hands, refusing to look at Jack when he sat next to her.

"Tell me what you're really worried about?"

Chloe took a deep breath and turned to look at him, "The first time I knew there was something wrong with my family was when I was ten. My parents had plans for the holidays, travel plans, so I spent Christmas at my boarding school. I watched all the mothers and fathers pick up their children and I had no where to go. Christmas Day I ate dinner with a few faculty members and a couple of students who didn't have enough money to travel home. However, they did receive packages full of gifts from their families. My parents were so busy that they forgot. Two weeks later I got a package from them—with the housekeeper's handwriting on the card." Chloe turned and looked at Jack, "That's all I know about being a mom—expensive schools and late presents."

Jack put his arm around her and tilted her chin up so that she had to look at him, "I wish that you had parents who'd paid more attention, who'd cared and wanted to be there for you, I really do, but just because you're parents disappointed you doesn't mean you'll disappoint this baby. Don't you think that just the fact that you're so worried about being a good mother is a sign of how much you already love this baby?"

Chloe was silent for a moment and Jack continued speaking, "And you're forgetting who you are, you are not your mother. You are a woman that can do anything she sets out to do."

"Yeah on a computer."

"Or on the field, shooting terrorists, committing treason to protect me, telling Lynn to go to hell."

Chloe laughed at that.

"And you've got one more think that your mother didn't have. You've got me. I'm going to be with you every moment of this pregnancy, the birth, and after. You don't have to raise this baby alone."

Chloe still looked doubtful, "Really? Are you sure you want to be saddled with another guy's kid. I mean that's a lot to ask."

"You're right. I don't want another guy's kid. I want to be the baby's father—emotionally and legally."

Chloe's eyes opened as wide as he'd ever seen them, "You mean you want to adopt my baby."

"Yes, that's what I want."

"But Spenser…"

"Don't worry about Spenser." Jack moved closer to her, his blue-green eyes looking deeply into hers, "Spenser is never going to bother you or your baby again."

"Don't you mean our baby?" Chloe said, her voice relieved, calmed and elated all at the same time.

"Is that what you want?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Okay, then, we're having a baby."

Jack pulled Chloe into a tight hug and then at the same time they jumped apart.

"Was that?" he asked.

"The baby, she kicked."

"Is that…"

"It's the first time she's done that," Chloe finished.

Jack reached out and laid his hand on her stomach. As his smile widened Chloe knew that even if she made mistakes her baby's father would always be there to help her fix them.