Salinethesaltlakequeen - I've actually already written/posted the rest of the fic on another site, but in some of the later chapters i've tried to make Callista a bit more three-dimensional. Hope it comes across that way!
AgiVega - Thanks for the review - you'llhave to wait a bit to findout what Callista wants, though.
Skywalker Apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY.
The woman in the mirror stared back at her, judging, criticising. It was not the face that Mara Jade remembered. All of her significant features were still there, the red hair, the green eyes, the athletic build and strong face. But they all were slightly altered, slightly off-centre from the woman she had been. There were more grey than gold strands among the red masses of her hair. Her eyes, too, had darkened slightly, and for the first time, she saw how much of her age she carried there. A few, small wrinkles creased her mouth when she smiled, marking the otherwise taut skin. Years of continued exercise and activity meant she had kept her trim, fit figure, which kept her satisfied enough. But there was the small excess of skin around her belly, where it had stretched during her pregnancy, to accommodate her son. No amount of lightsaber practice had seemed sufficient to get rid of that. Leia had told her, a little too smugly, that she may never lose it. Not at her age.
It wasn't that Mara thought of herself as old, in the same way she didn't think of Luke or Leia as old. Han perhaps. He had a few good years on the lot of them. True, Luke's hair had been streaked with distinguished veins of grey, and he always complained playfully that he was going to end up looking like Ben Kenobi in a few years, but he wasn't old. Not in the way he held himself, free from any slump or slouch that indicated deteriorating muscles or a defeated, resigned attitude. His cerulean eyes still burned with the youthful, reckless passion she had seen when they had first met. In Mara's heart and mind, they were both as young as they had ever been.
Which was different from maturity, she supposed. Mara wondered at the woman she had become, and knew that the changes she had undergone were much deeper than the physical. She wondered what had made her pause at the mirror, she wondered how it was possible that she had come this far, to be a wife, a mother, a Jedi Master. All the years had passed by in mere moments, to her mind.
Ben was in his room, quietly sitting by himself, thinking. He did that so much, and Mara couldn't deny that it unsettled her. He wasn't playing with his toys, or watching a holovid. He was just sitting. Luke had said it was nothing to worry about. He had spent much of his solitary childhood the same way, he had told her. Mara thought differently. As a boy, Luke didn't have a lot of other choices. He didn't have many toys, or other children to play with. Ben did. And he chose to sit in contemplation, unwilling to be disturbed or distracted. Then other times, he would be alive, bounding around with excess energy. His actions in Tionne's office had been a prime example – when they'd finally made it there.
"Ben", Mara called wearily, "Put that down, it's fragile". Ben had only clutched the intricate figurine closer, studying the detailed carvings on the base.
"That's alright, Mara" Tionne had cut in gently. "I'm sure he won't break it".
Mara snorted. "History disagrees with you". She had long ago learnt to keep anything breakable from Ben's reach. He had quick reflexes, but all too often he was distracted by something else and forgot about the treasure in his hands. And the particular one in Ben's hands happened to be an irreplaceable Rindaon artifact. Mara walked swiftly across the room and gently plucked the figurine from Ben's grasp, putting it on a shelf out of his reach. His lower lip quivered for a moment, and Mara could already see the tears forming in his eyes. She knew the warning signs for a full-blown tantrum, and quickly searched for something to occupy him with.
From within the fold of her robe, Mara produced a small puzzle box that Luke had made before he'd left. The small wooden slabs slid around the base, and if pushed correctly, would form an image based on the intricate carvings. She'd meant to give it to Ben earlier, but it had slipped her mind. Grateful for its presence, Mara thrust it at the whimpering child. Immediately his eyes lit up and his previous mood was forgotten. Relief flooded through Mara as she showed Ben how to work it, and he plonked himself on the floor murmuring quietly to himself.
Mara returned to her seat at Tionne's desk, and the Jedi smiled gently at her. "Thank the Force for small blessings?" she said, a smile on her lips.
Mara nodded vigorously. "Now, what were you saying about the Academy?" She was eager to get the meeting over with before Ben figured out the puzzle box.
Straightening in her chair, Tionne resumed her professional tone. "Chief of State Omas is pressuring us to train as many potential Jedi to Knighthood as we are able. Unfortunately, his ideas on possible and ours are somewhat different".
Mara nodded again. "He wants as many 'servants' of the government out there as there was during the days of the Old Republic".
"Precisely" Tionne, picked up her datapad. "I have told him that is an impossible task. Studying the figures available to me, there are simply not enough fully trained Jedi or Masters among us who are willing or able to take on apprentices".
"I know the Solo children aren't exactly keen" Mara added. "And we have agreed that one on one training is essential".
"Something the Chief of State does not fully appreciate" Tionne grimaced.
"I assume he wants some sort of pompous en masse promotion for all the apprentices, whether they're ready or not?" Mara felt a sense of foreboding fill her.
"Something like that". The expression of Tionne's face was no more optimistic. "Unfortunately, I'm afraid he may only listen to Master Skywalker".
"Luke does seem to be the only one who can talk sense into him" Mara agreed.
"Have you heard from him on Kuat?" Tionne inquired. "I have not received any communication on the status of his mission".
"We haven't either". Mara's mouth twitched. It was unlike to go so long without contacting her. She knew if anything had happened to him, she would have felt it, but she worried more these days. She preferred to have her family all on the same planet. "I'm sure this can wait until he returns, though".
"I wanted to keep you informed, regardless". Tionne's sharp eyes roamed over her, and Mara could tell she had sensed the change in her mood. "Are you alright, Mara? You seem…unsettled".
Mara wanted to tell her – tell anyone about Callista's appearance, to unload her troubles and seek advice, but she decided against it. It wouldn't be fair to Luke.
"I'm fine" she answered Tionne. "Just…fine".
But she wasn't fine. Mara was agitated, cagey. The woman in the mirror stared back at her sceptically. The rational part of her mind to her it was ridiculous to be insecure, to be so anxious about Callista's reappearance. Even if she had come back hoping to rekindle a relationship with Luke, Mara shouldn't feel the need to worry about anything. If there was anything she could ever be sure of, it was Luke's love for her. But there was that small, niggling voice that refused to be silenced.
They hadn't really spoken about Callista after they'd been married. She'd never asked, and Luke certainly hadn't been forthcoming with information. For Mara she had never been an issue, dead to both of them. However having her on Coruscant, very much alive and well, and asking to see Luke…it disturbed Mara more than she cared to admit.
The insistent beeping of her comm. unit forced Mara out of her introspection. A faint tingling went up her spine…she knew it had to be Luke.
Callista walked blindly through the streets of Coruscant, pulling her cloak firmly around her shivering body. Night had fallen, but the never-ending stream of neon lights from the buildings lit her way. She ignored the world around her, rushing through the crowds, through the back streets to the apartment she had rented.
She couldn't deny it. While her reason for returning to Coruscant had more to do with the Jedi than Luke Skywalker, she had hoped that, after all these years… That he, perhaps, was as lonely as she was. That he could forgive her for leaving him so callously, so abruptly and, maybe…start again.
That seemed an impossible dream, now. Married, with a child. Callista couldn't help but lament over the fact that she was not the wife he cherished, who he had pledged to spend his life with. Callista had felt ice grip her heart when she'd seen Ben.
"Scuse me" Callista had been enjoying the peace of the gardens when a small boy, running too quickly for his own good, saved himself before he crashed into her leg. She smiled at his politeness, and he turned his gaze upwards, craning his neck to see her properly. She was shocked by the colour, the depth of his eyes, the familiarity of them.
The child's face creased as he grinned, which only strengthened her suspicions. She'd known only one other person who could smile so endearingly.
"Hello" she greeted the child warmly. "Aren't you a little young to be here by yourself?" A quick scan of the surrounding area did not reveal any other presence.
A small flash of guilt crossed the child's face briefly, before being smothered by a self-assured grin. "I know how to stay out of trouble".
"Oh?" Callista dropped carefully to her knees, so that she was eye-level with the boy.
"Yep" Ben raised his chin defiantly. "I can tell things about people".
Callista felt her eyebrow raise. "How so?"
"I can feel things" he said simply, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.
"And how do I feel?" Callista asked him cautiously. She knew how her lack of the Force affected others, and she didn't want to frighten he child.
The child narrowed his eyes at her, and scrunched up his lower lip, concentrating. "You feel funny" he admitted finally.
"Like nothing?" Callista asked him sadly.
"No". The boy's eyes peered into hers again. "You feel like a cloudy day. When the sun is hiding".
Callista felt something twinge in her heart, but it was not as painful as she had felt before. It was something she had not felt in a long time. Acceptance, perhaps. Human contact – understanding, rather than ignorance. "My name is Callista" she said, smiling sweetly at him.
She received another broad grin. "I'm Ben Skywalker"
So easily, he could have been her own child. With hair that glinted a golden malt rather than red in the sun. It hurt her deeply to remember that she had so flippantly thrown away that possibility. She and Luke had spoken of marriage, in those blissful days on Yavin IV. And children.
She'd been so naive then, so consumed by her own, ludicrous quest to find the Force again. It had not occurred to her that she may be missing out on something, that she was letting opportunity pass her by. She'd been obsessed, devoted to the one thing that she believed would bring her happiness again, but had only brought about her gradual decomposition. The destruction of her life.
For years she had followed the Force, but it had led her astray. That, or her own hopeless dreams. Her Master had once told her that one could not view life through the window of a cockpit, staring ahead into hyperspace. If she focussed too heavily on her eventual goal, her destination, she would pass by too many important things. She would not be able to see what was happening around her, behind her.
The advice came back to her, after another fruitless quest. She had followed some flimsy lead, a scrap of obtuse Jedi lore, and once again it had ended in failure. By then she knew she would not find the answers, but continued on. She knew that something would die inside of her if she gave up, if she accepted defeat. Callista wondered if that was what she was choaking on now. Capitulation to that higher Force, that fate she had always claimed to serve.
It felt so bitter, now.
Knowing that she could have had a child by Luke Skywalker, had a dozen children by him. She had been too selfish, then, too hungry for the Force, for the life of a Jedi, to marry the man she'd loved so deeply. To tell him that they could not risk having a child together, for fear of him being without the Force as she was. She'd been too blinded, too fixated out the cockpit window, to realise that he'd never cared about that. That love, not the Force, was paramount to him. It hurt Callista to live now, knowing she would never be that love to him again. Knowing that the role had been coveted and achieved by another.
She had never hated Mara Jade, although it might have appeared differently. She had envied her terribly. It seemed ludicrous, to be so insecure about the woman, when Luke had pledged his unconditional love to her. It was the connection between them, the bond in the Force that even a child could have realised, that hurt Callista the most. That a former imperial assassin, the very people she had, in her other life, died fighting against, could have such a union with Luke. One that Callista herself could never have again.
Her pain had turned to jealously, twisted into some unnatural resentment. Something that had not lessened over the years. Callista would not allow herself to become angry – she could never permit such danger within herself – but the pain, the throbbing ache within her would always be there. The part that told her Mara Jade was simply not worthy of a man such as Luke, not good enough to bear his child. Not worthy for that child to look at her with such love, such adoration…
The chill in the air seeped into her skin as Callista reached her rented apartment, a dingy, dirty excuse for a living space. It didn't even have a window to view the stars from. She was alone, save for the vicious sounds of brawling from the neighbouring clubs. Of the smell of cleaning fluid that didn't actually seem to sterilise anything at all. In the darkness, Callista Ming wept for her lost hope.
"Luke?" Mara drank in the holographic presence of her husband, eagerly tracing every line, every contour of his face and body the static image presented. He grinned at her adorably as her voice carried over the voice between them. Even though he was light-years away, too far to properly touch her with the Force without exertion, she still felt a glow fill her. A fortifying of the Luke-place in the back of her mind.
"Mara" he said, his smile fading into an apologetic crease. "I'm sorry I haven't contacted you sooner".
Mara grunted, her pleasure at seeing him twisting into a strange satisfaction at seeing him suffer, just a little. He'd left her hanging, so to speak. "More important things to do, Farmboy?" she asked, the appropriate amount of smarm in her tone.
Her husband's grin returned. "Well, Han did make a point to mention all of the good drinking spots in this system…"
"It wouldn't surprise me if he recommended a brothel to you" Mara said curtly, the beginnings of a smile tugging at the side of her mouth.
"Now my dear" Luke said in an exaggerated drawl. "You know I would never take him up on such advice"
"Not if you valued your life" Mara smiled smugly at him as Luke chuckled amiably. It was these pleasant, playful moments that almost made Mara wish she wasn't married to the galaxy's most influential Jedi Master. That they spend these moments together, rather than through a tentative communications system. That she could feel his laugh, feel his breathe against her ear, feel the movements in his chest as it constricted and relaxed. Pushing the thought aside, Mara's concentration refocused on Luke. Inter-stellar communications were not cheap. "How goes the mission then?" she asked, a businesslike tone flooding her voice.
"Quite well" Luke answered placidly. "There are a surprising amount of Force-sensitives here, mostly around Ben's age or a bit younger".
"We can thank the end of the war for that" Mara added. "Not only is there the massive rise in the birth rate, people are more willing to admit to their potential in the Force".
"Or their children's". Luke nodded back at her. "We have found many promising students, and most with enthusiastic families".
Mara felt her smile become slightly sardonic. "And dare I ask how Master Durron his faring?"
"You know Kyp". Luke smiled. "Out to prove himself, as always. He's become quite a hero to some of the locals"
"He didn't pull that flashy, obnoxious, walking-on-fire trick, did he?" Mara smirked.
"Funny. He's actually shown quite a bit of promise in his teaching. I'll think he'll be prepared to take on another apprentice, soon".
"Speaking of which" Mara began, remembering her earlier conversation with Tionne. "Omas seems to have taken an interest in the way the new Academy will be run. Apparently, we won't be churning them out fast enough". Mara felt a twinge of acrimony run through her.
Luke sighed, running his hand wearily across his face in newfound frustration. "Just one of many problems awaiting me when I return?"
"Unless you're planning on retirement" Mara answered dryly.
"That doesn't seem too likely". Luke conceded. "Can I say hello to Ben?" he asked, lightening the conversation.
Mara cast a glance to the closed door of Ben's bedroom. "I don't think now's a good time" she said reluctantly. It would be disappointing for Luke not to be able to see his son. "He's in one of his 'thinking' moods".
"I understand" a wave of sadness passed over Luke's face. "I don't want to disturb him. I'll be home in a few days".
"Good" Mara said resolutely. Their separation had been long enough.
"Ah" a mischievous twinkle formed in Luke's eye. "Does Mara Jade actually admit to missing me? To perhaps needing me?"
"Just hurry home, you nerf"
Luke smiled sweetly. "I love you".
The communication ended, and Mara couldn't help but feel slightly bereft. It then occurred to her that she'd not mentioned Callista to him at all.