Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter. Neither do I own Jennifer Lopez's songs, Feelin So Good and I'm Glad. And neither does Jennifer Loinspez! Oh, JENNIFER LOINSPEZ! When will you evere learn…

Again, any characters that remind you of a certain someone you might vaguely know … ARE NOT THEM AT ALL!

A/N: You may think that the time line between Jennifer Loinspez's albums and Lord Voldemort doesn't really match up … BUT YOU'RE WRONG!

Standing outside of the frosted window of the Malfoy Manor, peering into their Sitting Room as Lucius pranced around and sang along to the music. Voldemort couldn't hear the diddy that Lucius was singing along to, but there could be no other explanation for Lucius's booty-shaking and arm-waving. With a feeling of dread, Voldemort tapped his wand on the window and listened for the music to rattle out the tip of his wand.

The sound was tinny and irritating, no where near the likely full and vibratory sound it would have in Lucius's sitting room, but it was still unmistakable.

When I opened up my eyes today

Felt the sun shining on my face

It became so clear to me that everything is going my way

I feel like there's no limit to what I can see

Got rid of fears that were holding me

My endless possibilities

Has the whole world opened for me

That's why I'm feeling...

Even now, Voldemort felt some of that complete happiness coming back to him. The happiness he had felt when he wrote that song just after all of his most faithful Death Eaters had been released from Azkaban. He had felt like he could've walked straight into Hogwarts and murdered Harry in the middle of Transfiguration!

I'm feeling so good

I knew I would

Been taking care of myself (got my body back!)

Like I should

'Cause not one thing

Can bring me down (Your days are number Dumbledore)

Nothing in this world gonna turn me round... (the Dementors are on my side!)

Now the day is turning into night

And everything is still going right (Look, Bella is torturing Wormtail! Delightful.)

There's no way you can stop me this time (Scarhead's not long for this world)

Or break this spirit of mine (Only I have discovered the true secret to immortality.)

Like the stars above I'm gonna shine

Anything I want will be mine (cleanse the Muggles!)

Tonight I'm gonna have a good time

Call a few friends of mine (Bella, Rodolphus, Lucius …)

'Cause I'm loving life

And tonight's for feeling... (THE PAIN ON POTTER'S FACE!)

He was so inflated with that good feeling he practically forced the song onto Jennifer Loinspez. He wanted to tell everyone how wonderful he felt! He couldn't hold it in! Jennifer was the only way he could spread the message.

Then Voldemort remembered how furiously angry he had been when he found that Jennifer had taken out the lyrics condemning muggles to a life of misery and torture. She took out every word about how nothing could stand in Voldemort's way to wipe out all muggles of the world.

She said it didn't "go" with her image!

The song changed.

I'm glad
When I'm makin' love to you
I'm glad for the way you make me feel
I love it cause you seem to blow my mind
Every.. time
I'm glad
When you walk you hold my hand
I'm happy that you know how to be a man
I'm glad that you came into my life
I'm so glad

That one was more recent. Voldemort had tried to keep it a secret from Jennifer Loinspez, he didn't want this song released – he knew Jennifer would take out most of the words and ruin it like she'd done to other songs. It wasn't too long after this Voldemort realized that Jennifer had locked him into a cycle of blackmail. He had written about his precious Nagini, the way she had made him feel during that otherwise unbearable time with only Wormtail and only scant news from Crouch at Hogwarts.

But Jennifer Loinspez had taken out every word that described Nagini.

Oooh!

That scum he has to milk you

And when he comes close

Nagini won't you wrap your tail around him

And squeeze, squeeze

Until his lung cavity is empty

Oh baby

It's empty he can't breathe

His face turns red and eyes pop

And then let's go

CRUCIO!

She hadn't put it in.

Back to the present, Voldemort turned back to the Malfoy sitting room, where he expected to see Lucius dancing. But Lucius had now stopped and was staring, terrified, at the window.

There's no point pretending, thought Voldemort. He waved his wand and the window vanished and then he stepped inside through the gap, conjuring the window back up as he went.

"My Lord …" Lucius said weakly. "You're – uh – a little early."

Voldemort just looked at him, and Lucius obligingly quaked. "Jennifer Loinspez," Voldemort said. Lucius gulped.

"I can explain, Your Killingness …"

"SILENCE! Do you know anything about the wretched … monster!" roared Voldemort.

"Monster IN LAW!" thought Lucius, but he kept it to himself.

This was why Voldemort loved music. He was always so outraged and murderous, in person. But he could share his soft side with some poetic words and music notes.

"You mean Jennifer Loinspez?" said Lucius in disbelief.

"OF COURSE I MEAN JENNIFER LOINSPEZ!" he raged. Taking a deep breath, Voldemort gathered his cold, silently terrifying demeanor about him and turned on Lucius. "Malfoy. How could you be deceived by this fiend. Never, never, listen to her again."

Lucius just stared with wide-open eyes at Voldemort.

Voldemort did not like the look he was being given, and so pointed his wand at Lucius and hissed, "Crucio."

Over the screams, moans, and his own laughter, Voldemort couldn't hear the knocking of the door. Finally, Snape billowed into the room demanding what was the hold up, but stopped short when he saw Voldemort and Lucius on the ground.

Voldemort broke the curse. "Ah, Severus."

"My Lord," Snape nodded.

Lucius crab-walked backward into a wall and panted heavily.

"Severus, I would like to speak to you. Privately," Voldemort looked at Lucius pointedly, but he didn't really have the capacity to do anything but moan quietly at the present.

Voldemort lead Snape into another highly furnished sitting room, which the Malfoy's had in a surplus. They sat on a beige sofa and Voldemort plumped up the cushions.

"Severus. I have a serious matter to take care of."

"My Lord, I have already told you everything I have ever told the Order," said Snape earnestly, but still maintaining that sneeringly cold tone that Voldemort admired so much.

"I am quite certain that the Order has no knowledge of what I am about to divulge to you," said Voldemort.

Snape only looked surprised and eager for a split second. "Do you know Jennifer Loinspez?"

"Not … not personally …" said Snape. He had been well-acquainted with Dumbledore's love of muggle newspapers and there had been a couple articles featuring Jennifer Loinspez once upon a time.

"Well of course not personally!" said Voldemort impatiently. Then he leaned forward confidentiality. "She must be dealt with."

Snape looked at him shrewedly. "Jennifer Loinspez?"

"Indeed," said Voldemort.

Dumbledore was never going to believe this, thought Snape.

"But she's a muggle," said Snape reasonably. "Wouldn't it be easier to simply use the Avada Kedavra?"

Voldemort shook his head. "She has powers that you would never have though possible."

Snape blinked. "So, you propose we engage the Death Eaters to take care of her?" He tried not to sound too disdainful.

"No, Severus. It's too late for that," said Voldemort gravely. "I need you to arrange a meeting with Jennifer Gardener. She is the only way I can see possible for having Jennifer Loinspez disappeared."

"Jennifer Gardener?" said Snape.

"Yes," said Voldemort. "She's our only hope."