A/N: It finally occured to me to try to work on another of my summer goals- FINISH DH!
So anyway, here's the Rath chapter.
And, despite the fact that I'm not the Dragon Knights freak I was last summer, I will continue to write DK fics. Why? Because I still adore Rune/Tintlet, and there's still not enough, and I still have several RT drafts lying around with real potential. Look out, DK fandom, cuz I have a oneshot, a Miyazaki spinoff, and an original epic on the way!
...Someday.

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Fire held up a sign. --Where to, Master?--

Rath frowned. "Um...let me think...who got us into this mess?"

--Kharl?--

Rath's head shot up. "Of course! The authoress! TO THE AUTHORESS, FIRE!"

Fire rolled his eyes, and flew in a random direction, since the only way they were possibly going to find the authoress was if she wanted them to find her.

"FASTER!"

Seeing some flying demons ahead, Rath stuck his sword out, impaling them as he flew by.
Rath giggled insanely. "Shish-kabobs!"

I should have worked for Batman... Fire thought. Other than the occasional loud "TO THE BAT CAVE, ROBIN!", he was at least sane. Stupid, but sane.
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Meanwhile, in feudal Japan...

"OW!" The authoress screamed. "Damn, I can't believe I burned the instant ramen again!"

Hermione Granger, who was currently serving as Aeriel of Isternes's indentured servant,
raised an eyebrow. "How hard is it to make ramen?"

"Don't be such a smartass, Hermione." The authoress griped. "You try making instant ramen in a pot over a campfire, and see how well you do!"

Hermione shrugged. "Okay."

The authoress clambered up into a tree to watch. "Y'know, it's getting really annoying, typing ëthe authoress' all the time. And ëAeriel of Isternes' really sounds grammatically incorrect. Tell you what- I'm just going to go by Aeriel for the rest of the chapter."

"Why Aeriel?" Hermione asked, stirring the ramen. "It bears very little resemblance to your real name."

Aeriel shrugged. "Yeah, but it's only three letters! So easy to type..."

The two girls suddenly heard two distant shouts.

"DEEEEEEMONNNNNS!"

and

"SANKOU TESSOU!"

"Ignore the second shout." Aeriel said quickly. "Rath's coming."

Hermione (who was from the Harry Potter fandom, in case you didn't know) blinked. "Who's Rath?"

Aeriel tossed the witch a volume of Dragon Knights. "The black-haired boy."

"Oh. That Rath."

Right on cue, Rath and Fire fell from the sky, making a giant hole in the ground near the campfire.

Hermione, who had become engrossed in Dragon Knights, and forgotten about the ramen, idly waved her hand towards the new arrivals, not looking up. "Be quiet, I'm reading."

Rath stared at her. "Authoress?"

Aeriel waved from the tree. "Hi!"

Rath sweatdropped. "Who's this, then?"

The authoress rolled her eyes. "Not important. Just my indentured servant from the Harry Potter fandom. You're here because of- HERMIONE! YOU BURNED THE BLOODY RAMEN!"

Hermione jumped, and sure enough, the noodles had gone black. Aeriel sighed. "Never mind, never mind, Rath doesn't want ramen anyway. Just dump the stuff, okay?"

Rath shuddered. Mood swings...perhaps coming here had been a bad idea.

"No it wasn't!" Aeriel said brightly. "Brilliant idea, actually. Thatz, of course, is going to get lost, and Rune is going to get pissed, but asking for directions is making much better progress."

"So you know where Cesia is?" Rath asked eagerly.

"Well, duh." Aeriel said dryly. "Who's writing this thing, anyway? You or me?"

"You, obviously."

"Thank you." Aeriel said briskly, climbing out from the tree. "Please ignore the sound effects as I search for the right map and mirror. HERMIONE!"

The witch jumped. "Coming, mistress K-"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT HERE!"

"Fine, fine." Hermione muttered. "Here's the bloody suitcase, then."

"Thank you, ëMione." Aeriel said brightly. "Excuse me Rath, I have to dig through here."

Then, to the half-youkai's surpise, the authoress opened the bag, and dived right in, vanishing.

"She likes to show off." The bushy haired servant explained. "A sucker for the supernatural, she is. Oh, and stories with demons."

"Does that mean there's demons here?" Rath asked eagerly.

"Maybe, maybe." Hermione said cryptically. "But I would not advise you to go hunting them. She'll kill you off if she discovers you've been meddling with her friends and casts of other fanfictions. Like she said, ignore the background noises."

"SPIRIT GUN!"

"Like that." Hermione added.

Rath blinked.

For the next ten minutes, Rath had to sit through all sorts of annoying noises. One reoccuring noise that started to really get on his nerves was:

"ATAREI! ATAREI! ATAREI!"

Just when he was about to scream, a head popped up from the bag. "I'm back!" Aeriel said cheerfully, climbing out with a map in hand. "I hope you didn't get too annoyed, and nobody attacked.

Rath struck a pose shamelessly ripped off from Fullmetal Alchemist. "I would have killed them all anyway."

"And then I would have killed you." Aeriel said blithely. "Despite the fact that this is feudal Japan, you can also hear stuff from far away stories that I'm obsessed with."

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

This time, everyone blinked.

"Whoa." The authoress said slowly. "Even I didn't except to hear Darth Vader. Possibly Elton John, for some weird reason, but not Darth Vader."

"Who's-"

"Never mind, never mind." Aeriel said quickly. "Look, I'm just going to give you your stuff soon before I accidentally infringe on a copyright I wasn't supposed to. Some people will actually sue you for fanfiction, it seems."

"That's stupid." Hermione observed. "It's rather conceited of them to think that every fan is so idiotic that they can't possible hit on a personality even remotely like the original. I mean, look at The Phantom of the Opera. There have been some pretty crappy intepretations of him, and those were LEGAL."

Aeriel shuddered. "Don't remind me of that evil Spanish movie with the rats. Gods, that thing was traumitizing."

"Don't ask." Hermione whispered. "She goes insane whenever she sees a rat now. She seems to think they have some sort of obsession with male genitalia, due to that film."

The authoress was now slowly rocking back and forth. "Nooo...Noo...Why do you not have a deformed face...why are you a rat...THE RODENTS! THE RODENTS!"

As Rath began to back away slowly, something far away suddenly went:

"YOU ARE THE DAMNEDEST CREATURE!"

shortly followed by a piercing scream.

Oddly enough, this seemed to shake Aeriel out of her stupor. "I'd better give you your info before I get sued." she said briskly. "Now, firstly, we have The Mirror which I stole from Disney's Beauty and the Beast."

She brandished a white hand-held mirror.

Rath blinked again. "Disney?"

"Yeah, I'm going to use it in this joke story I'm writing which I can't really post on FictionPress because it uses anime characters, and I can't post on FanfictionNet because I'm making fun of people I know in it." Realizing this was, in fact, a shameless plug, the authoress shoved the mirror at Rath. "Look, just take it, okay!"

Rath blinked at his reflection. "Uh...I already knew I was good looking."

Aeriel rolled her eyes. "Save me from idiotic male leads...Look, ask it to show you Cesia before I'm forced to make another reference to a work of fiction I shouldn't be referencing in the first place."

The dark-haired boy peered intently at his reflection. "Uh...show me Cesia." For no apparent reason other than the animation department at Disney being incredibly obvious, Rath's hair went momentarily white, while the mirror glowed green (yes, you read that right), and it made the trademark Disney "shiny noise".

Rath's face was suddenly replaced by Cesia, who was throwing things at Garfacky. "IDIOT! IMBECILE!" The therapist shrieked. "WHEN I WANT PASTA WITH TOMATO SAUCE, THAT'S WHAT I'LL SAY! I SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED PESTO SAUCE!"

The image faded away. For no apparent reason, Hermione started humming ëBe Our Guest'.

Rath blinked again. "Well...that was unexpected."

Aeriel shrugged. "Look, if you wanted to see Cesia being tortured or something, you should try one of those drama stories where she's secretly lusting after Nadil. I don't have the patience to write something that serious."

"Actually, I think that was the most serious thing you've said this entire story."

"Oh, shaddup and go questing. Here's your map, have a nice day, thank you."

As Rath flew away, he was heard a farewell shout of "ROOOSE WHIP!"

A/N: Er...sorry? (ducks rotten vegtables) Yes, I know I should have updated. Half of this was written over the summer, which explains a lot if you think about it. The good news is, there will actually be THREE chapters after this one, and possibly an epilogue. Er- at least I think that's good news.

If anyone's curious, the author I was continually referring to getting sued by is none other than Anne Rice. I've discovered it may actually be illegal to write fanfictions about her stories. Which kinda sucks because I'm on a Vampire Chronicles kick, and keep having to restrain myself from referencing Lestat in humor fanfiction constantly. Anyone who's read the books will probably notice the references I did manage to slip in.

Next Chapter: Thatz, Kitchel, and THE TANGO!

I swear. This time I really will write it. Because I picked a real tango this time. Eheh. Bye now.