Chapter 30

"This is an outrage!" Tommy shouted pacing the room as Lil sat quietly on the bed. "I mean I've heard of getting drunk and getting married, but this is ridiculous!"

"Yeah." Lil nodded.

"I mean what the hell?" he turned to her. "How in God's name does something like this happen?"

"Dunno." she shrugged.

"Come on, Lil!" Tommy yelled opening the door. "We have to get remarried!"

"I know." Lil sighed.

"Then let's go." Tommy pointed out the door. Lil looked up and frowned at him.

"Why don't we...um...stay...divorced for a while?" Lil shrugged.

Tommy stared at her and shook his head then walked out the door and slammed it shut. Lil sighed as she began to cry slowly.

"Viva Las Vegas!" Phil sang as he brushed his teeth. "Hey Kimi! Any sign of the couple?"

"No." Kimi rolled her eyes with the door to their room open, waiting for Chuckie and Angelica to run by again. "Here they come." she said.

Chuckie ran by with a beer in his hand and Kimi tackled him. She drug him inside as Chuckie glared at her and said, "Listen, priss pants," he said.

"Priss pants?" Kimi asked. "I'm kind of a tomboy." She then heard Phil snort and chuckle a few times. "I am!"

"Yeah right!" she heard him yell.

Kimi rolled her eyes and turned back to Chuckie. "Where's the wife?"

"There you are!" the door swung open and Angelica walked in. "I was so...um...what is that blasted word I'm looking for?" she began to scratch her chin.

"Worried?" Kimi suggested.

"That's it." Angelica smiled. "Worried, Chuckie, I was...hey, Kim," she began to whisper, "What was that word again?"

"Okay guys." Phil walked out of the bathroom and said. "Go to bed."

Chuckie and Angelica shrugged and climbed into bed but Kimi shouted, "Different beds!"

Chuckie rolled his eyes as he got into the other bed. "And don't get out!" Phil yelled as he and Kimi walked out and closed the door.

"Geeze." Kimi rolled her eyes.

"Acting like a married couple." Phil sighed. They turned and looked at eachother, shrugged, and walked down the hall.

They walked into a small restaraunt part of the casino to see Tommy sitting at a table staring straight ahead. "What's wrong, T?" Phil asked as he and Kimi sat down next to him.

"Did you and Lil make up?" Kimi asked rubbing his arm.

"No." he said. "We...well..."

"What?" Kimi looked at him odd.

"We...got divorced."

"What?" they both shouted.

"Why?" Phil asked. "Did you divorce her or did she divorce you?"

"You got divorced over a stupid fight?" Kimi asked.

"No." Tommy shook his head. "We got drunk and got divorced."

"Hey," Phil smiled. "Chuck and Ange got drunk and got married. Talk about ironic." he chuckled then saw Kimi glaring at him. "Sorry." he smiled at Tommy. "What are you gonna do?"

"Wait," Kimi said. "Just get remarried. This really ain't such a big-"

"She don't want to get remarried." Tommy said.

"Holy crap." Kimi sighed. "Why doesn't she want to get back together."

"Probably because of that damn argument." he growled getting up .

"Tommy," Phil said. "Just tell Lillian that you won't see Laura again. It's that simple."

"Yeah." Tommy nodded. "I guess I'll just say that."

"Just say that?" Kimi glared at him standing up. "Don't just say it, you freak!"

"What?" Tommy stepped back nervously.

"Don't just say it!" Kimi yelled. "Mean it. Tell her with enthusiasm that you will never, ever see, talk, or come in contact with her again!"

"Okay, okay." Tommy waved his hands in defense. "I planned on that anyway." he said walking back to the room.

Once he was gone,Kimi rolled her eyes and said, "I'd better go talk to them."

"Why?" Phil asked.

"Knowing Tommy," she said. "He'll make things worse."

Tommy walked into the room to see it empty. He looked around and couldn't find her. "Lil?" he called out. "Where are you?"

Kimi then walked in and slapped Tommy in the back of the head. "Tommy!"

"Ouch!" Tommy rubbed the back of his head. "What?"

"Did you run her off?" Kimi growled.

"No!" Tommy yelled. "She isn't in here!"

"Probably because you couldn't make one freakin' promise to her!"

"I came up here to do that!"

"Tommy! When will you learn that the woman is always right?"

Lil then walked out of the bathroom and stared blankly at the two having an argument.

"Kimi. Tommy." she said. They both turned to her and smiled, then Kimi hit Tommy in the back of the head again.

"Don't screw it up, moron." Kimi whispered to him walking out.

"Lil." Tommy walked over to her. "I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry. Please forgive me. I swear I'll stay away from her. You were right to be mad at me. I mean what kind of jerk hangs out with his ex-wife? Seriously." he then began to think. "Who does that?" he pondered.

"Tommy." Lil snapped her fingers.

"Huh?" he looked back at her. "Oh, sorry. Anyway, Lillian Marie Jill DeVille, forgive me and marry me...uh, again."

"Okay." she smiled. "Okay."

"Great!" Tommy smiled. "Let's go!" he quickly jerked the door open. Kimi and Phil then fell over and landed in the room. "What the?"

"Uh..." Phil jumped up. "Yeah. Can I be the best man?" he grinned.

Chuckie slowly opened his eyes and rubbed his head. "I have a major headache." he groaned sitting up. He looked over at the other bed to see Angelica sleeping. "Wait a second." he looked at her odd.

Angelica then woke up. "Hm?" he looked over at Chuckie. "What's going on?"

"Dunno." Chuckie said getting up. "Hold on." he looked at his hand to see a ring on his finger. "Am I married?"

"I don't think so." Angelica said looking at her own hand. "But apperantly, I am too. And look at the size of this diamond." she smiled. "Probably costed alot."

Chuckie got up and saw his wallet on the nightstand. He grabbed it and opened it. "That's odd." he said. "I had about four-hundred dollars in here. And here's a receipt."

"What's it for?" Angelica asked getting out of the bed.

"A ring." he looked up. They looked at eachother then their rings then back at each other then at the rings again. "We?"

"Rings?"

"Marri-"

"Don't say it!" Angelica stopped him. "Don't you dare freakin' say it." she began breathing very hard. "I need a paper bag!"

"What?"

"Bag!" she shouted. "I need a paper bag!"

Tommy, Lil, Phil, and Kimi ran into a dirty, rundown church in the outskirts of Las Vegas.

"Tommy, I don't want to get married here." Lil whispered to him.

"Me neither." Tommy whispered back. "But we apperantly spent all of our money on wine and liqour last night. And all churchs in Vegas cost money to get married. I wonder why."

"Focus, T." Lil sighed.

"Oh, sorry." he walked up to a counter. "Yeah, um, can I get married, please?"

The woman at the counter nodded and said, "Yeah, sure. Um, though it costs money to get married by Elvis though."

"Elvis?" Phil smiled. "Elvis is here?"

"Not the real Elvis, Phil." Kimi rolled her eyes.

"How much?" Tommy asked.

"Fivehundred dollars." the woman said.

"Is there any place in Vegas that doesn't cost money?" Tommy asked rolling his eyes.

"No." the woman replied. "Unless you want to risk being shot by the Mafia."

"I could go for that." Tommy shrugged.

"We'll take it." Lil replied.

"And do you, Thomas Pickles take Lillian DeVille as your wife?" a Italian priest dressed at Elvis said.

"I do." Tommy smiled at Lil.

"I'm so happy." Phil wiped a tear away as Kimi just looked at him odd and shook her head.

"And Lil," the priest turned to her. "Same question, reverse the names."

"I do."

"Okay then." the priest said. "Badda bing, badda boom. You married. Go on and kiss her."

Tommy and Lil passionately kissed as Phil kept crying and Kimi propped her feet up on the row of seats in front of her.

"AHHHHH!" Chuckie and Angelica both screamed.

"We're?" Angelica rubbed her head.

"Married?" Chuckie finished sitting on the bed.

"Hey guys." Phil and Kimi walked. "You sober yet?" Phil chuckled.

"YES!" they both yelled. "AND MARRIED!" they added.

"Yeah, we knew that." Kimi smiled. "So is Tommy and Lil."

"Uh, yeah, duh." Angelica rolled her eyes.

"Well, they got divorced." Phil said.

"Oh, why?" Chuckie asked concerned.

"Don't worry." Phil said. "They were drunk."

"That's ironic." Chuckie commented. "Anway, we got married! Angelica and I!"

"I am now Angelica Finster!" Angelica screeched as she began crying. "I'm a loser!" Chuckie and Kimi turned and glared at her.

"Angelica," Kimi said. "You two can just get a divorce."

"Yeah, okay." Angelica said wiping a tear away.

"I'm not a loser." Chuckie glared at her. "Now fix me some super!"

"Geeze." Tommy said as he and Lil walked into their room.

"You're supposed to carry me in." Lil said.

"This isn't our honeymoon." Tommy replied. "Just thinkof going back to California as our life long honeymoon that last forever where we have a kid, horrible friends, and over protective parents."

"A dream come true." Lil chuckled.

"Well, do you want to go home in the morning?" Tommy asked sitting on the bed.

"What?" she turned to him. "But this trip was supposed to last a week."

"I know." Tommy shrugged. "But, I figured we could leave with out the others knowing and go home and..."

"Ohhh." Lil grinned. "I see."

"Yeah." Tommy nodded.

The next morning...

"Guys!" Phil swung Tommy and Lil's suite door open. "Chuckie threw up!" he cheered. He then noticed no one was in there. It was clean and nothing of Tommy or Lil's was in there.

"Where are they?" Kimi walked up.

"I don't know." Phil shrugged.

"Hee hee." Lil giggled. "Stop it Tommy, we're in public." she said as they stepped off the plane and Tommy poked at her. "I said stop it." she grabbed his arm and twisted it.

"Ah!" he yelled in pain. "Okay, okay."

They walked out of the gate and onto the side of the road. They waited fora taxi to go by. "Doesn't this frickin' town have a taxi?" Lil asked.

"No." Tommy sighed. "Everyone has a car. Except us." He rolled his eyes.

"We could call Dil or Susie." Lil said.

"No." Tommy shook his head. "We want this return home to be a secret."

"Oh yeah, okay." Lil nodded. "Go ask someone if they'll give us a ride."

"No." Tommy turned to her. "I'm not doing that. I'd end up asking a murderer or rapist or something."

"But we need to get home." Lil punched him in the arm.

"Ow." he rubbed his arm.

"Pussy." Lil rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms.

"I'm not asking some stranger for a ride." Tommy sighed.

"Do it, now." Lil grabbed his collar. "Or no sex."

Tommy instantly got out of her grip and pranced over to a woman talking to a guy. "Excuse me ma'am and sir, could you be so kind as to give us transportation to our sheltered home?"

The woman turned around and gasped. "Tommy?" she smiled.

"Laura?" Tommy looked at her odd. He stomped his foor and shouted, "Son of a bitch!"