For Want of Magic
Author: Qaddafi the Ripper
Summary: Harry Potter / Artemis Fowl crossover. While on summer vacation in Ireland, Draco Malfoy runs into a rouge B'wa Kell goblin. Soon he's neck deep in fairy and Muggle affairs.
Caveman Disclaimer: Me not Rowling. Me not Colfer. You no sue. Mulch power-fart.
Chapter 4: The Motivating Power of Self Preservation
Artemis activated the scanner on his helmet to check the location of the remaining goblins. Good; none of them had moved far from where they'd been before. He noticed Draco inch closer to him. "What is that?" the other boy asked.
"It's a scanner that can show where the goblins are," Artemis replied distractedly. They could reach the next closest one in under an hour. Actually, it'd be closer to thirty minutes, considering how Mulch drove. Not exactly a prospect Artemis was looking forward to; he made a note not to tell Butler any of the details, lest his bodyguard do something... permanent to the dwarf.
"And it shows exactly where the goblins are right now? Amazing," Draco continued. "I never thought Muggles could come up with something like that."
"'Muggles' didn't come up with this," Artemis replied, carefully emphasizing Draco's terminology. "The fairies did. I just modified it so it'd be easier to use."
"Oh. Well. Of course Muggles couldn't come up with something like that. But it's incredible that you managed to figure it out, Artemis." Draco's tone changed considerably on the last sentence, going from rude and condescending to a tone Artemis could only describe as 'suck-up.' He frowned; having people suck up to him was not an experience he was used to. It would be nice coming from an adult, but from someone his age it just seemed strange.
The car trunk finally slammed down when Mulch sat on it. "Alright!" he said brightly. "We're ready to go! Artemis can direct me to the next one." He hopped into the driver's seat, Artemis and Draco joining him in the car with considerably less zeal. Fortunately, with Mulch having to rely on Artemis for directions, his driving this time wasn't quite as hectic -- quite being a relative term.
Draco, at least, found he'd become a bit more used to the unusual vehicle, or enough that he could still pay attention to what was being said in the front seat. "We might have room in the trunk for another goblin," Mulch said, "but not any more than that."
Artemis made a faint sound of annoyance (or perhaps of fear as Mulch screeched around a bend). "Well, we can't just leave them. A shame we don't have any trucks." And he made another mental note to look into getting one in the near future.
Mulch swiveled his head around to give Draco an evil grin. "We'll have to put the others in the back with the brat," he said.
"Oh no you won't!" Draco protested.
"They'll be unconscious," Artemis pointed out, trying to placate him.
"I don't care," Draco retorted stubbornly. There was no way at all that he was going to get roped into riding next to some unconscious creature.
"The kid's scared of the goblin waking up," Mulch guessed. "He doesn't think he could handle one all by himself." Even though his face was pointed back towards the road, Draco could hear the smirk in his tone.
"We'll make sure the goblin stays unconscious--" Artemis began in a soothing tone.
"I am not afraid," Draco snapped, interrupting him. "Fine. I'll sit with a goblin if you need me to." He glared and slumped back in his seat, crossing his arms across his chest in a distinctly pouting posture. Just how many times had he already been forced to change his mind today? He stared out of the window as he counted, becoming increasingly annoyed. He should have never left the hotel. Even getting close to Muggles was bad business, and today's events just proved it.
Looking out the window, he noticed the scenery was going past fairly fast. "This carriage moves fast," he noted aloud.
Artemis twisted around in his seat to give Draco a surprised look. "It's a car, not a carriage," he corrected.
Draco scowled. "Whatever. It's not like I've ever been in one before."
"What do wizards use, then?" Artemis asked, curious. "Broomsticks?"
"Sometimes, but mostly just for Quidditch." Draco saw Artemis's blank look and explained, "It's a sport. I play seeker for my house at school. I'm very good."
Artemis looked intrigued. "You play a game on broomsticks? Is it hard?"
"Not for someone as talented as me," Draco replied, heedless of his pretentious tone. "You might have a harder time."
"Considering that I'm not a wizard, that would hardly surprise me," Artemis said dryly. Then he shrugged. "I'm not much for sports, though. Tell me more about wizards."
"Sure," Draco said agreeably. He started out with international Quidditch teams and went from there. He didn't think that he shouldn't be telling a Muggle these sorts of things, especially since it didn't look like Artemis was going to get obliviated when all this insanity was over with. Besides, he'd gotten the impression that the fairies liked to stay hidden too. Artemis and Butler had both known about them for a while, but it didn't sound like they'd told anyone. So Draco thought they might keep wizards a secret too.
Besides that, a part of him liked very much the way Artemis listened intently as he talked, as if what he was saying was the most interesting thing Artemis had ever heard. It was a heady feeling, and not one Draco wanted to give up soon.
Before too long, the car pulled into a suburban area. They passed some children outside playing since it was summer vacation. Mulch drove slowly as they drove closer to where the goblin was. He glanced at the children and scowled. "Great. Witnesses. That's the last thing we need. Holly's got the equipment for mind wipes," he added to Artemis.
"I can take care of that for you, if you want," Draco offered a bit hesitantly. He held up his wand to make his point. "In case anyone does see us."
"Saving your own bacon, I see," Mulch chuckled.
"Thank you," Artemis said. "That's very helpful, though I hope we won't need it."
Draco grinned and twirled his wand. "No problem."
After a few more turns, they were near the edge of the area. They parked the car and climbed out to track the goblin on foot. Once again Mulch took the lead and Artemis the rear. Draco found himself looking around every which way cautiously; since this was a Muggle neighborhood, Draco didn't know what was out of place and what wasn't. He'd only know he'd spotted something suspicious if he saw the actual goblin.
He gripped his wand tighter. Artemis had said magic didn't work well on goblins, but his levitation spell had worked. He guessed most of his curses, hexes, and jinxes would be useless though. In that case, what could he use? He started cataloging possible spells and whether they might work as the group continued walking.
Mulch stopped abruptly, flinging out a hand to stop the boys too. He nodded towards an alley just in front of him. "About twenty meters deep. Wall at far end. Garbage on the right. Goblin next to garbage," he whispered.
Artemis nodded. "You two go in," he whispered back. "Mulch aims low, Draco aims high. I'll cover you. Ready?" He held out his own weapon. Mulch raised his gun as well. Draco shifted and adjusted his grip on his wand before nodding. "Go!" Artemis hissed.
Mulch sprang around the corner, Draco hot on his heels. The goblin looked up in surprise as they dashed towards it. Mulch fired as soon as he had a clear shot. Unfortunately, the goblin had been rooting through the garbage dumpster, and Mulch's shot pinged harmlessly off the metal. The goblin glared and started charging up some fire in its hands.
Mulch swore at having missed his shot, and his chance to finish this quickly and easily. He let lose another fast shot, but he hadn't had a chance to aim properly and it hit the wall above the goblin's head. The goblin threw its fireball directly at Mulch.
The alley was very narrow and the fireball was wide. In bare seconds, it would hit Mulch, who didn't have enough room to dodge. At best, he could hope the fireball would only hit part of him if he got lucky. In the short time between when the goblin sent the fireball and before it hit anything, Draco realized all this. He didn't like Mulch, and had no real intention of helping him. But he subconsciously thought the fireball would probably hit him too. So, without really thinking things through, he lifted his wand.
"Protego!" he cried as fast as he could. Nothing visible happened, but the fireball crashed into something just short of hitting Mulch. Draco had successfully cast the shield charm in time.
The goblin and Mulch both stared dumbly, equally surprised that Mulch was uninjured. Draco wasn't much better. He found himself pleasantly surprised that his reflexes were up to battling. It's my Slytherin instincts, he thought. Always cover your own arse.
As the three in the alley stood still for a few more heartbeats, from behind them Artemis cried, "Shoot him!"
Mulch quickly shook himself out of his stupor, aimed his gun, and shot the goblin clear in the gut. The creature slumped to the ground just as it was beginning to prepare its own shot. The fight was over.
Draco collapsed against the wall with an explosive sigh. It was mere seconds after the fracas had started, but it felt like an hour at least. He hadn't really thought anything could be more tiring than Quidditch. Last time, he hadn't really been thinking. He'd been so confident that one spell could take the goblin down that he hadn't thought of anything else, including the consequences in case he was wrong. This time he'd known what sort of danger he was in, and that Artemis wasn't close enough to pull him back from another fireball.
But he'd successfully defended himself, and Mulch too. It was surprisingly satisfying. He grinned, his blood pumping madly through his veins again, but from the thrill of victory now instead of the terror of battle. "We did it!" he gasped.
Mulch turned and grinned back at him. "That we did," he agreed. For the first time, he was looking at Draco as if he liked him. "You saved me there, kid," he said. "Thanks."
Draco flushed in pleasure. He thought fleetingly of Harry Potter, who was obsessed with helping people. He'd never realized that doing so felt so good to the one doing the rescuing. Maybe he should do this more often. "No problem," he replied, unusually generous. Doubtless he'd have something different to say in a few minutes, but for now he merely savored the moment.
He willingly levitated the unconscious goblin back to the car where, in a far greater effort than before, Mulch managed to shove it into the trunk alongside the first. "Just two more for us," he said merrily as he shut the trunk with more force than was probably necessary. Draco heard a dull thunk, and couldn't help but wonder if that was the sound of metal hitting goblin, and winning.
After the briefest moment of hesitation, Draco tugged Artemis into the back seat with him. Artemis raised an eyebrow, but didn't try to fight him. Mulch revved up the motor and made his way back out through the village.
Draco leaned closer to Artemis. "Back there," he started uncertainly. "I did a good job." The way he said it made it sound more like a question, and he mentally cursed his hesitance. It was very unlike him, but then, he'd done many things unlike himself today. And the day was hardly over yet. He suddenly wondered if they'd finish up their little crusade against all things reptilian before his parents got back to the inn.
"You did an excellent job," Artemis confirmed. "I didn't think you'd ever be that useful, what with your attitude. However, you did exactly what was needed, and probably saved Mulch's life." He gave Draco a surprisingly warm smile that made Draco's stomach contort in strange ways. "I'm glad you're here with us."
"Thanks," Draco murmured. Then, if only to bring the conversation around to a subject that wouldn't cause his face to feel like it was on fire, he asked, "What time is it?"
Artemis glanced at his watch. "Just before fifteen. Why?"
"Well..." Draco rubbed his arm self-consciously. "This morning, I left without telling my parents I was going anywhere. They're off together today, and if they get back and I'm not there, they'll worry. I think Father said they should be back around dinner time."
"That should give you another two hours at least." Artemis picked up his fairy helmet to check on the remaining goblins' locations. "The last two are near each other, and not too far from the town we picked you up in. We should be able to get you back in time if nothing goes wrong."
Draco felt a subtle tension seep out of him. "That's good. You see, my parents don't like Muggles, and they'd be angry if they knew I'd met some and spent the day with them."
"That must be where you get the attitude from," Artemis remarked dryly.
Draco felt himself flushing again. "Yeah, I guess." He paused, then decided Artemis probably wouldn't think any less of him if he said more. "Before you, I'd never met any Muggles. I've seen some from a distance, but I've never talked to any. At school, there are lots of Mudbloo-- er, Muggleborn students. They all try to pretend they know everything about the wizarding world, or they never try to learn anything about it. Both types are annoying. I guess... since I've never met Muggles and don't get along with any Muggleborns, I just assumed my parents were right about them."
"And what do you think now?" Artemis asked neutrally.
"Don't get mad, but I hardly think most Muggles are like you. So I'm not about to go saying that I was all wrong and Muggles are wonderful. But I think, maybe, that Muggles might be just like wizards, only without magic."
"That's a very mature conclusion. Some years ago, I discovered that fairies, too, aren't so very different from humans. We might all get along better if we remembered that." Artemis paused. "Not that I'm any one to go preaching about unity and acceptance. I steal from everyone equally, but that's hardly a role-model."
Draco snorted. "I'll agree to that. People are all morons, no matter what kind of people they are."
"I heard that," Mulch growled from the front.
"We weren't including you in that generalization," Artemis assured him. "As an expert thief, naturally you're above the general populace."
"Good," Mulch grunted and turned his attention back to the road. Artemis and Draco, to Draco's delight, shared a brief look of faint amusement over the dwarf's personality.
Notes: fifteen o'clock is three pm.
Thanks to Ginny Gal, maliaphire, HPN Padfoot HPN, Marie Terensky, and hogwartscharmed1 for reviewing.
Sorry for the wait, got distracted by book 11 of the Wheel of Time. Chapter 5 is shaping up to be fairly long, but should be up soon. In other news, I am taking fanfic requests. See my profile for the link.