For Want of Magic
Author: Qaddafi the Ripper
Summary: Harry Potter / Artemis Fowl crossover. While on summer vacation in Ireland, Draco Malfoy runs into a rouge B'wa Kell goblin. Soon he's neck deep in fairy and Muggle affairs.
Caveman Disclaimer: Me not Rowling. Me not Colfer. You no sue. Butler bald bodyguard.
Chapter 5: Useless Dueling Spells
"The last two have joined up," Artemis said, fiddling with his scanner. "We'll have to take care of both at the same time."
Draco frowned. "Won't that be difficult?" he asked. Taking care of single goblins had been plenty enough trouble thus far.
"Indeed," Artemis nodded. "What spells do you know that might be helpful?"
"Just how much are goblins immune to?" Draco countered.
Artemis considered. "From what I have heard, goblins are immune to most direct attacks. There might be a few spells that can work against them, but I don't know what those spells are. Mulch?"
The dwarf shook his head. "Can't help you. I've never taken much of an interest in goblins."
"Then we'll have to go on that," Draco concluded. "What sort of spells can I use?"
"Spells that do not directly effect the goblins," Artemis replied promptly. "For example, if you made a bright light with magic, that should still be enough to blind a goblin. If you make the ground move under its feet, that might be enough to make the goblin lose its balance. That protego spell of yours will certainly come in handy."
"I see..." Draco murmured, beginning to understand Artemis's thoughts. "Well, I do know a spell to make light, so that's covered." The Conjuctivitis Curse would work if Lumos wasn't enough. "Unfortunately, I don't know any spells to make the ground move. If I want someone to fall over, I usually just freeze them where they stand." He mentally began to review every spell he'd ever learned. It occurred to him that most of the magic taught at Hogwarts was not much good for real combat. That was probably because Dumbledore was the Headmaster; if he'd gone to Durmstrang, he might have known some better spells. True, his parents had also taught him many useful hexes and jinxes, and a handful of spells that the Ministry would categorize as Dark Magic. Most of those spells, however, directly effected the person hit, and so probably wouldn't be any good against a goblin.
"I could use the Banishing Charm," he thought aloud. "That causes the person you hit to move away from you. It might be enough to knock a goblin over. I could probably get a similar effect with the Reductor Curse. I might also try a binding spell to tie them up, but I need something to tie them with. I could try Counfunding them; they'd be easier to hit with your things--" he gestured at Artemis's gun, not attempting to remember the proper word. "--if they're confused. I could use Impedimenta to slow it down, probably. I could start a fire with Incedio--"
"Definitely not," Artemis cut him off. "Goblins are fireproof. That's the last spell you want to use."
"Oh, right. I should have thought of that. Um, what else?" He ran through every spell he'd ever learned, trying to think which might be good in a duel where he couldn't hit his opponent directly. Finally, he was forced to shake his head. "There are probably more, but I can't think of any. Sorry, Hogwarts doesn't teach dueling."
Artemis sighed. "That's too bad. I was hoping there would be more we could use. Well, you'll have to do what you can with those spells."
The car sank into silence for the rest of the drive, Draco deciding that he would certainly learn as many dueling spells as he possibly could from his father during the remainder of the summer. He wouldn't be stuck in this predicament ever again. After many minutes of silence, they were almost at their destination.
"We're almost there," Artemis said after checking his scanner again. "We'll try to make this as fast as possible to avoid complications. Mulch, you take point again. Draco, follow him up and keep in mind those spells we just talked about. If it comes to it, though, defend us before you worry about attacking. I'll cover your backs and decide if we need to change tactics midway. Is that acceptable?"
"Sure," Mulch said from the front. Draco just nodded. He was feeling a bit antsy, like before a major Quidditch match. Then, he had his team to back him up, and he was confident in his skills as a Seeker, even though Harry Potter always managed to beat him. This, though, was different from a game. There were no teachers to step in if things got messy. There were no teammates he'd known for years. There was no comforting broomstick between his legs.
Perhaps, though, there were a few things he could depend on. He was good at magic, and knew many spells, and he knew it. Even though the spells he could use now would be limited, he knew what those spells were and could (hopefully) think through his options carefully. While his Slytherin teammates weren't here, he did have Artemis and Mulch. If he was being honest with himself, he'd admit that a Slytherin was a bad person to have guarding your back, as he'd be more worried about his own safety than helping you. As for Artemis and Mulch, though, he thought they would do everything they could to keep him from getting hurt. It was a comforting thought, and Draco made a promise to himself that he'd do the same for them.
Two goblin heads were better than one, as it turned out. Seeing as how little one goblin head could come up with, that wasn't saying much, and even two together were still limited. Two was just enough to come up with a situation that spelt trouble no matter how Draco thought of it.
It was a heavily forested area they finally arrived in. Few people lived here, but enough for the goblins to get in trouble. The two goblins had run across a small house and entered without a second thought. A woman and two young children had been at home. The goblins had herded the frightened family into a corner and raided the refrigerator. One demonstration fireball had been sufficient to cower the people and drive out any thoughts of fighting back or escaping. They had been reduced to hoping the creatures would soon go, leaving them alone.
Mulch parked a fair distance away from the house, and the three walked up to it slowly. They didn't want the goblins inside to hear the motor and be alerted to their presence. As they crept closer through forest that stopped only at the walls of the house, Artemis began fiddling with his helmet again. Draco almost wished he knew how to use it, since it looked interesting and apparently could tell the user much. "Both goblins are inside," he reported in a whisper. "There are also three humans: one adult, probably female, and two children. The goblins are in a room on the left side," he pointed, "and the humans are across the room from them in the opposite corner," he pointed again.
"The house should have a second door somewhere in the back. Mulch, you circle around and take the back door. The room we want will be on the right. Draco and I will take the front together. We'll give you five minutes to get into position before we go in, Mulch. Don't take any action before that. Try to protect the civilians first, then yourselves, and then worry about attacking the goblins. There might be furniture to duck behind for cover. Any questions?"
"That's breaking and entering, Artemis," Mulch noted. "That's against fairy law."
Artemis gave him a patient look. "You're been violating the law for years, Mulch. And Draco and I are humans, so it doesn't apply to us. You might have to pick a lock, but I doubt the goblins locked the front door behind them."
Mulch snickered. "Alright. I can live with that plan." He checked watches with Artemis. They turned to Draco to see if he had any questions. He paused then shook his head also. It was a simple plan, but he didn't like the idea of attacking headlong. What if there wasn't anything he could use for cover once inside?
The dwarf stood and slowly made his way around the house. Draco and Artemis crept as close to the front door as they dared, moving as silently as they could. A twig broke under Draco's shoe, and he winced at the noise which sounded thunderously loud to his ears. As he waited with Artemis, he recalled that he'd already been hit with a fireball once before today. Maybe he didn't need to be worried. Maybe he could take any number of hits and he'd still be okay.
But he wasn't about to risk his life on a foolish maybe. Better safe than sorry. He leaned over Artemis's shoulder to look at his watch. Four more minutes until they went inside. He glanced at the front door and wondered if it was locked. He was sure he could get it open with a simple Alohomora, but that would waste valuable seconds. Mulch could die in the time it took them to get it open. Not that he would care if Mulch died, of course. But it would be more difficult to win if it was just himself and Artemis attacking. That was the only reason.
Okay, so maybe it would bother him if Mulch died. The creature had no redeeming characteristics, but that didn't mean he should die. Or at least he shouldn't die right in front of Draco.
Now they had three minutes by Artemis's watch. There was a window near the door. Although curtains concealed the inside, Draco thought he could see a few shadows that indicated movement. He guessed it was the goblins moving inside. What if Mulch couldn't get past the back door, or if there was no back door? Then he and Artemis would still be left alone to face the goblins. No, he shouldn't think about that, he could already fell himself begin to shake.
He couldn't seem to stop as his mind came up with more and more ways for this to turn bad. He shook so hard that, as the watch clicked to two minutes remaining, Artemis turned around to look at him. Draco lowered his head but his hands continued to shiver. Then another hand was placed on top of his. The warmth was real, and the comfort in the gesture greater than Draco would have guessed. He raised his head to see Artemis gazing at him. The other hand tightened briefly on his own. The message was clear: they would come through this all right.
He straightened his shoulders and quietly exhaled. Yes, he should be confident. Never go into a duel thinking you'll lose, his father had once said. You'll only make yourself lose. It was good advise, and Draco reminded himself firmly that goblins were idiots worse than Griffindors, so naturally he had nothing to fear.
One minute remaining. Draco adjusted his grip on his wand and licked his lips. He ran through the list of spells he and Artemis thought might work on the goblins. This was it. He could do it. He would make his parents proud of him. No, wait, he shouldn't tell them about this adventure. Well then, he'd made Artemis proud of him.
He looked at the hand that held his wand, the hand that Artemis had squeezed. And most of all, today he would make himself proud of him.
Shortly before their last minute ran out, Artemis was up and moving towards the door, trying to stay quiet. Draco followed him. They both moved doubled over so no one, should one glance out a window, could see them. Artemis reached the door first, glanced back to make sure Draco was ready, and yanked it open.
The door, fortunately, was unlocked. Draco rushed into the house, his eyes surveying the situation. The room he'd entered was a large one. The three people were huddled together in the corner to his left. In the opposite corner, the goblins were pulling food out of the refrigerator (not that Draco could identify it as such), and putting the food directly into their mouths, even though most of the food should have been cooked first, or at least removed for the packaging.
A low, red davenport sat not too far from the door and Draco scurried closer to it for cover. As he moved, he saw Mulch enter the room from the hallway, closer to the goblins. There was no furniture over there, so Mulch would only be able to use the door frame for cover. Despite that, the dwarf already had his weapon out and trained on the goblins. Draco didn't take his eyes off the scene in front of him, but he heard Artemis creeping up to crouch behind the davenport with him.
The goblins looked up from their dinner, mouths gaping, half eaten food trickling down their jaws. They seemed to grasp the situation quickly, though. One immediately threw a fireball at Mulch, who was closer. The dwarf quickly ducked down the hallway, and the door frame was heavily burnt in th wake of the fireball. The other goblin began running across the room towards the people huddled in the corner. Draco cursed mentally, took aim, and threw a Banishing Charm at the goblin.
The spell his the goblin head-on, throwing it backwards. Draco had hoped the spell would be enough to toss the goblin into the far wall and knock it out. Unfortunately, the goblin only slid back a meter or so, falling to one knee to regain its balance. While it was down, Artemis took a shot at it. And it was then that Draco discovered that, while Artemis might be a genius, his aim royally sucked. The shot came nowhere near the goblin and the reflex fireball thrown back at them was far more on target.
Draco and Artemis ducked back behind the davenport, which the fireball hit. Draco promptly smelt smoke, realized their cover was burning, and could easily get out of hand. "Now I know why you needed partners for this," Draco muttered at Artemis.
"Oh, sod off," the other boy grunted back. He peeked over the davenport and squinted through the smoke. "The goblin's almost reached the people!" he hissed. He took another shot which, as Draco also peeked over, was closer to the goblin but still didn't hit.
The goblin was nearly to the people by now. Draco pointed his wand and yelled, "Reducto!" The goblin ran into a solid, invisible wall, bouncing back painfully and falling to the ground. "Yes!" Draco cheered. But the goblin was already climbing back to its feet. Artemis took another shot, his best yet. He actually might have hit the goblin, too, except that it suddenly lunged forward, barely evading the shot. And then the goblin was on top of the people, and too close for either boy to dare another attack.
The goblin grinned evilly, showing off pointed teeth. It grabbed the woman by her hair, yanked her backwards, and held a fireball next to her face. Its intent was clear: if they tried anything against the goblin, it'd hurt – maybe even kill – the woman. The two boys stared across the burning davenport, trying desperately to think of something else to do.
Draco turned and saw Mulch cautiously making his way closer to them. The other goblin lay unconscious next to the refrigerator. There was almost no cover for him before he reached Draco and Artemis, and Draco looked away so as not to draw the goblin's attention to the dwarf. Beside him, Artemis sighed.
"Alright," he said to the goblin, "you win. We'll let you go." Draco turned and stared at him, gape-jawed. Surely Artemis didn't mean that! They couldn't let the thing go! It would probably hurt the woman anyway, no matter what they promised. But Artemis put his weapon down and raised his hands in defeat. He gave Draco a pointed look. The wizard sighed, then reluctantly pocketed his wand and raised his hands also. From the corner of his eye, he saw that Mulch had collapsed on the ground, and appeared unconscious. He had been fine moments ago, though!
And then he realized that Artemis had a plan, and Mulch had guessed what it was.
The goblin snickered to itself. Gripping the woman tightly, it moved towards the door, towing the woman with it. It had enough sense to keep the woman as a shield between itself and the two boys. When it finally reached the door, it flung the woman aside and ran as fast as it could. Mulch leaped up and Draco noticed he was directly in front of the door. The dwarf took aim and shot. Draco heard a soft moan followed by a thump.
Rushing to the door, Draco peered out. The goblin lay slumped on the ground, barely short of ducking behind a large tree. Artemis's last minute trickery had worked, and the goblins were defeated. Draco slumped to the ground in relief.
Draco leaned against the trunk of the car. Holly and Butler had just arrived to obliviate – mind wipe, he corrected himself – the woman and her children. Originally. He'd thought that job might have been left up to him, especially after he'd offered to do so. But Holly and Butler had finished up their share of goblins faster than Draco and his group, and had come to help in the clean up. He decided he was glad for that; he could cast obliviate, and had done so once before. The spell hadn't been quite as effective as he might have like, though. Well, it was a OWL level spell, so it was understandable if he hadn't perfected it just yet.
The davenport inside the house had been ruined, although Draco had doused it with water to keep the fire from spreading to the rest of the house. According to Artemis, the family would concoct their own explanation as to why the house was ruined and the food was gone. Their job was done, and they'd succeeded admirably.
Both of the goblins who'd been beaten here had been stuffed into Butler's car, which had more room in it. Butler himself was making sure Artemis had no injuries, while Holly and Mulch were inside taking care of the wind wipes. Artemis glanced at Draco, then turned to his bodyguard and said, "Butler, you will have to teach me how to use a gun. My aim, it seems, leaves something to be desired."
Draco laughed at that, and Artemis, good-natured now that the danger was over, shared a smile with him. However, when Holly exited the house with an evil smirk on her face, Draco's laugher instantly evaporated. "Now it's your turn," the elf told him with unholy glee.
Draco tried to back up but couldn't since he was next to the car. He held his hands out in front of himself and tried to think of a good reason Holly shouldn't erase his memories. But Artemis came to his rescue first. "That isn't necessary, Holly," he said firmly. "Draco was a great help, and even saved Mulch's life. We agreed not to mind wipe him if he helped, and he did. That means we need to hold up our side of the bargain."
Holly scowled. "And what's to stop this brat from running to the wizards and telling them all about The People?" she demanded, capitals clearly audible.
"These wizards have been keeping themselves hidden for centuries. I think Draco will realized how important secrecy is, and promise not to tell anyone." Artemis glanced to Draco for confirmation.
Draco nodded rapidly. "Of course, of course. I wouldn't dream of telling anyone about you guys! My parents would only punish me if they knew I'd met Muggles, anyway. So I won't tell, I promise." He looked right at Holly when he said that, and tried to infuse his face with all of his very real sincerity. This adventure was something he never wanted to forget about.
Holly sighed. "Fine. If Artemis thinks you'll be good, then I trust him." She gave Artemis a look that said precisely what she'd do if Draco proved untrustworthy.
"Come on," Artemis said to Draco, opening the front door of the car. "Since it's getting late, we need to take you back before your parents find out."
Draco paused before hopping into the back. His adventure was finally over. He found himself missing the excitement already, and missing also the people he'd met. "If you can take me close to the inn I'm staying at, that'd be even better," he offered hopefully. Butler took the driver's seat this time, and pulled the car away at a much more even pace than Mulch had. He paused, then asked, "Why did you really stop the elf from obliviating me?"
"Mind wipe," Artemis corrected distractedly. "And you don't deserve that anymore, just like I told Holly. You helped far more than I thought you would. So I'm letting you keep your memories, and if Holly doesn't like it, she can argue with me." He turned in his seat to give Draco a pointed look. "Just like Holly said, you may not tell anyone, even your parents, about the fairies. They're keen on their privacy."
"I won't tell," Draco promised hurriedly. "Wizards like to live in secret too, so I understand. You can count on me."
"Yes, I think I can," Artemis murmured. And that sentence, and the thoughtful but confident tone it was uttered in, was what made Draco voice something before he could think it over.
"May I write you sometime, Artemis?" He clamped his mouth firmly shut after that popped out. What a strange request to make! He barely corresponded with Vincent, Gregory, Theodore, Blaise, and Pansy, and they were his friends. Well, they saw each other so often that they hardly needed to write to each other, but still. Having a pen friend wasn't something a Slytherin, or a Malfoy, did.
On the other hand, he couldn't think of another way he could keep in contact with Artemis. And he knew he didn't want to lose touch. With the Dark Lord back and all, things could turn complicated at any time. It could be useful, to have someone with brains to help him out if need be. If it came to it, Artemis might have more success taking over the world than the Dark Lord had had so far. Yes, definitely someone Draco wanted firmly on his side.
Artemis stared at him for a very long time, his lips a thin line and a crease between his brows. Draco suddenly wondered if Artemis wanted anything to do with him. After all, how many times would the other boy need a wizard-in-training? If he should ever need magical support, he already had the fairies, if he couldn't manage their technology on his own. "That would be nice," Artemis finally murmured. He seemed pleased.
"Really?" Draco asked, a hint of shyness in his voice. He cursed to himself and firmed his tone. "You'd like to keep in contact?"
"I see no reason why not. I do find you wizards fascinating." Artemis cocked his head thoughtfully. "I don't suppose you have e-mail though. Do you have an address?"
"Malfoy Manor has many defenses. Muggle post could never get past. You'll have to send mail our way." Artemis raised an eyebrow while Draco grinned. "We use owls," he explained. Artemis's brow crept higher. "It's true. They're trained and are quite fast. I'll send my owl to you in a few days. Don't worry, he'll be able to find your house. Then you can send a letter back with him."
"And these... owls..." Artemis said the word with distaste. However fast the birds were, surely it couldn't beat the Internet. "They never run into trouble on a delivery?"
Draco paused. It was true that owls could be stopped and searched. In fact, if he was corresponding with a Muggle, and was found out by his parents... Well, saying they would be displeased would be an understatement. "Good point. I'll charm some parchment and sent it to you along with special ink. I'll set a password so that the parchment can only be read if you know the password." His father sometimes sent out letters like that. When Draco had asked him how he did it, Lucius, in an indulgent mood at the time, had explained the spells that went into it.
"That doesn't sound very safe," Artemis muttered.
"It'll work, trust me," Draco said confidently. "My father does it all the time. And I'll make sure I pick a good password that no one else can guess." He beamed at Artemis. The other boy nodded in reluctant agreement, wondering if he could put this bespelled ink in his printer so he wouldn't have to write the letters by hand.
All too soon, it seemed, they were close to the inn the Malfoy's were staying at. Since there were a few Muggle-repelling charms on the building, Draco had them drop him off a short distance away. He got out and watched as the car turned and drove off. He didn't wave, but watched until a bend in the road took the vehicle out of sight. Then he turned and slowly began making his way back to the inn. He should have just enough time to clean up and change into respectable clothes before his parents got back.
He smiled as he walked. He'd never had a secret from his parents before, and the prospect was tantalizing.
Notes:
Comforting broomstick between his legs... Let it never be said I don't do innuendo.
This is the end of the first part of this fic. But that doesn't mean this is the end. Next chapter is the beginning of the second part of the story, wherein Draco will go back to Hogwarts and try to get some help solving mysteries from his pen friend Artemis. The next part will largely follow Order of the Phoenix, with a few changes because I am evil.